So I have to say something nice about Pastor Wilkins today after he turns me back on. There we go. So last night, Jose asked me when we when we met, how long we'd known you. And I couldn't answer that question. I remember the first time I met you. I don't remember. ever, ever. It's been forever. But I do know you did a, this is years ago, this is 20 years ago, you did a series American history. I remember listening to that and you completely annihilated the first 30 years of everything I learned American history. So, but that was very enjoyable. And so that was the first time I met you, although I didn't know what you look like or anything like that. So, but I do remember how you see you cause, in fact, you cause a lot of problems in my life. No, I listened to a tape series you did on pedo communion. And I do, I remember it because I was impressed with the fact that you were tasked to go into it to show why it was unbiblical. And it really impressed me that as you were studying it, you let scripture speak to you more than what the traditions were. And you came out of it basically saying, no, this is a biblical teaching. So I remember that. That's back when I was single, when I had no vested interest in paedo communion or anything. But I just remember that. And I was very impressed by that. So thank you for that. So with no further ado, I said something nice about you. We finally shamed Theron into being nice. I'm just so pleased, you know, nothing else happens during the week. This has been a success. I'm so excited. Oh, okay. Well, Matthew 19 this morning, let me read just the opening verses of this. Now, it came to pass when Jesus had finished these sayings, that he departed from Galilee and came to the region of Judea beyond Jordan. And great multitudes followed him, and he healed them there. The Pharisees also came to him, testing him, saying to him, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason? And he answered and said to them, Have you not read that he who made them at the beginning made them male and female, and said, For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife? and the two shall become one flesh. So then, they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate." That's the word of the Lord. Let's pray. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for giving us your word again, and we ask that once again today you'll speak to us, teach us, help us to be conformed to our Savior, and to glorify you. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Okay, we often latch on to a partial truth and assume that it's the whole truth, when in fact there's a great deal more to it than we're aware of. And often we see that if we don't understand the whole, we really haven't understood the part that we were clinging to. What we have is true, but it's just not the whole truth. A friend of mine once said, When he was young, he said, when I was young, he said, I was walking down the street and there was a Navy recruiter there. And I stopped and looked at him and he said, young man, if you sign up, we'll show you the world. And he said, you know, he told me the truth, but he didn't tell me the whole truth. And the same thing happens all the time in every area, and especially in regard to marriage. So the husband hears, you're the head of the wife, you're the head of the home. And he goes, man, that's fine. That means I'm the boss. And I can tell everybody what to do. And men really like that idea. And it's true that men have authority. They have the authority to lead and to wreck the household. But that's not the whole truth. Being the head of the house means taking responsibility for the house and laying down your life for the house. Because that's what the head of the church does, right? That's what Jesus does, and you're the head of the house, you're the head of your wife, just like Jesus is the head of the church. And so it's not quite what it seems, or maybe the first impression that it makes on men. But it's true, but it's not the whole truth. And you see the same thing happening in other areas of marriage, too. God says that when men and women are joined together as husband and wife, They are no longer two independent individuals, but one flesh. Jesus is emphasizing this to the Pharisees who had allowed divorce. You think that our day divorce is easy? It's nothing compared to the way it was in Jesus' day. It was very easy. You could literally get rid of your wife for anything. Just about anything where she displeased you. And that's why you be careful about judging quickly. In the Bible, the woman at the well, Jesus says, call your husband. She says, well, I don't have a husband. He said, no, that's true. You've had five husbands, and the man you're with now is not your husband. And we always, at least I've always heard that. Yeah, this was a really wicked woman. She's just gone through husbands like old cars, and just really slamming the woman. But Jesus doesn't condemn her for her, as an immoral woman, He does say, now the guy you're living with now is not your husband. So she is in sin now, but he doesn't say anything about her past. It may have been she was a victim of these lax divorce laws. It could easily have been that. And the picture is of a woman who's had six men and needs the seventh. You see? Jesus is number seven. That's the picture. So she needs a good man. And Jesus says, you need a good husband. And she's a picture of Israel. Israel needs a good husband. Israel's been through all kinds of idolatry, and the God she's with now is not the true God. She needs the true God. Well, that's the story of the woman at the well. Well, that helps us, I think, understand that Jesus here is rebuking the Pharisees because of their lax divorce laws, and he tells them, remember what the Bible says. And this is interesting because he quotes Genesis 2, and I was just told at a rehearsal dinner a few weeks ago from a very intelligent doctor, that Genesis 2 was obviously false, and how could I ever think that that was true? I said, well, Jesus thought it was true. And he goes, what do you think of the weather today? But here's a situation, again, where we hear this You know, men, I always, of course, I think in terms of men, because I is one. And, you know, men here, yeah, you become one flesh and we go, all right, now we're getting down to it. We're talking about sex now, and I'm listening. I'm all ears. You elbow the wine and say, you need to sit up straight and pay attention, because this is going to be a good sermon today. This is one you really need to listen to. Well, all right. Of course, that's true, right? That's true. But that's not the whole truth. That's not everything. Being one flesh implies far more than the fact that the man and his wife can have sex without guilt and shame. That is gloriously true. And of course, we have the approval and the smile of God. And that's gloriously true. But it means far more than that. It means it's bigger than that. Marriage is not a contractual agreement between two people who agree to divvy out the various burdens of living together, even though that's the way I'm seeing young couples acting like that, you know. So you do the dishes and cook, I'll get a job and bring home some money so that you can go out and buy food so that you can cook and do the dishes and I'll go out and do this. And everybody's got their own jobs at home and, you know, the wife is expecting her husband to do his jobs, and if he doesn't do his job, she won't do hers, and all kinds of crazy ideas. In a way, that's kind of... Alright, I'm going to drop that. Let me go to something else. God says that marriage is a covenant relationship. It's not 50-50, it's 100-100. We're giving ourselves, body and soul, to each other The two individuals are becoming one flesh. The husband is the head of this new covenant body, even as Jesus is the head of his body, the church. But when you said, I do, you ceased being a private individual and you were given a new position. You're given this position of husband. You're given the position of wife with all the new privileges and responsibilities that come with it. And there are responsibilities that are essential for your happiness and well-being. And this is all included in being one flesh together. So the reality of being one flesh with one another is this great mystery, and we need to spend time considering what it means, because it points back to the original creation of the woman. Remember that she was formed from the body of the man who was, in a sense, cut in half by God. He was cut in half, and out of the bloodshed came new life, a new creation in Eve. Later on, God is going to say, when you go into covenant, you have to split animals in half. And the bloodshed creates a new relation, a new world, and you come into that. And of course, I've mentioned Jesus on the cross. He is, in a sense, cut in half. His side is pierced, and as a result, the church comes in half. Blood and water is always the sign of new life. You have it right at the beginning. of the creation, if you include the fall narrative. And then, of course, you have it every time a woman gives birth, blood and water, new life. The same things over and over again, all teaching us the gospel. The whole creation proclaims the glories of God. Everything that is the way things are is to proclaim to you the glories of Jesus, how he does his work, what God is doing, the purposes in the world, the purposes of history. So that every day, for example, we go through a season of darkness, And it's broken up, it's not total darkness, it's usually broken up by stars and moon, but it always is dispelled by the rising of the sun. So the sun, the rising of the sun dispels the darkness and the darkness flees because it can't conquer the light. The light is unconquerable. It always defeats the darkness. Now, if you're wondering, is the history going to go well or badly? Is it going to get better for the church or worse for the church? Just get up early enough to see the sunrise and you got your answer. It's simple. God says, look around you for a moment. Sure, read the Bible. But all you have to do is get up at 530. You get a lot of questions answered by looking around you. And so all of these things come together. And when God brings the woman to the man and joins them, they are both made whole. They're both made complete. And so, to be one flesh with a woman means that there's a relationship of mutual care and dependency. It means that both the man and the woman need one another in order to live their lives fully and wholly. Not only H-wholly, but WH-wholly. Wholly, completely. They can't live in the fullest sense apart from one another. And this, and they cannot become what they're destined to become without one another. And of course this means then that they're living in the most intimate of relationships. So we're told in the last words of Genesis, excuse me, Genesis two, Adam and his wife were both naked and not ashamed. We also, we see that this lack of shame, we know this lack of shame didn't last, but what was it that broke it up? It wasn't the knowledge that they were naked. Because there was nothing wrong with that. They speak about that, but it wasn't that that brought them shame. It was their rebellion that brought them shame. They sin and bring shame upon themselves. And their sin not only affected their relationship with God, but it affected their relationship with one another. You remember when God says, God comes and they go hide and grab some fig leaves and try to cover themselves up. God comes and He first speaks to Adam and says, what have you done? And Adam immediately says, it's the woman. And Adam knows, because Adam knew that God said, in the day you eat of it, you will die. Now, he doesn't understand fully what death in principle means. Death in principle is separation from God, not physically dropping dead and breathing your last. but separation from God. So they're already dead in the biblical sense. But what is here is he is ready to let her be destroyed. And this tells you something of the greatness of his crime, not only because the Bible says Adam was not deceived. So what you have there in that whole Genesis 3 narrative, you have Eve speaking to the serpent. We'll pretend that this thing is the serpent. And Adam standing right here, listening to the whole thing, knowing that the serpent is lying. And not stepping in and saying, excuse me, honey, you're a liar. You get out of there or you're dead. You know, I can give you about 30 seconds to get out of the garden. Because that was what God told him to do. You would guard the garden. That means his wife, because she is also his garden. And he, rather than doing what God told him to do, sits back and goes, well, this is pretty interesting. I mean, I wonder what's going to happen. Because God said in the day you eat of it, he didn't say with the snakes, God said in the day you eat of it, he dropped it. I wonder if this will happen. He just basically sits back and says, OK, let's watch and see what happens to her. This is the day after he said, bone in my bones, flesh in my flesh, we are so excited. And now, he's willing to let her be deceived, and he does allow it, and that's why God holds him accountable for this. Eve, we know, was deceived. So that when God turns to her and says, what did you do? She says, the serpent deceived me, and I ate. She confesses it, and what she says is true. She says, I was completely deceived. But see, the fault of that was with Adam. And he should have stepped in. He refused. And that's what sin does. It separates you from God, but it also separates you from others. So you can't love others. You begin to hate them, even those who are closest to you. And that's what Adam did. The one flesh relationship was broken so that God has to restore it. And he restores it by splitting animals in half, taking the skin, shedding blood and covering them again, reconciling them to himself and to one another. So he does the same thing in a different way. He brings them back together through the splitting of a body and the shedding of blood. And he restores them to communion in that way. So, when a man and woman marry then, it's a symbolic restoration to the garden condition that Adam and Eve had. By virtue of the marriage of the man and the woman, they are brought back, as it were, into the garden, restored to that intimate relationship of nakedness again. And Jesus says, this only occurs when God brings you, when God brings you together. He said in verse six, when God joins you, then that's when this occurs. And that's what is happening. in what we call the ritual of marriage, the ceremony of marriage. A man pronounces the man and wife, but he's not just a man, he's a man who represents God. And so when I say, I now pronounce you man and wife, I'm not pretending to be a magic man or some kind of God that can do wonders. I'm just saying, this is what God says. God says, you are now man and wife, you are now one. So go forth and live as one, together. God does something in marriage just like he does something in baptism, just like he does something in the Lord's Supper. There's a visible evidence of God's mighty power and working. Now, so, the nakedness is far broader than physical nakedness of the marriage bed. As the two are made one flesh, barriers are removed, and all the things they used to hide from others are cast aside, and the two are made one, exposed to each other in emotional and psychological as well as physical nakedness. But though marriage restores us to this semi-pre-fall nakedness, I don't know how to describe it, basically a pre-fall nakedness, it doesn't restore us to the pre-fall shamelessness. We're still affected by sin and that poses a problem in our relationship together as we seek to live out the reality of one flesh. So the question is then, how can we live and mature in the one flesh relationship that God establishes for us in our marriages when sin is a reality? That's the question. And of course, the first and foremost answer of this is that we must be clothed with Jesus. We have to confess our sins, which have brought about our shame and embrace the one who was clothed with shame in our place. He becomes our clothing and all that was foreshadowed in God, in God's splitting animals in half. and opening up Adam and cutting him in half in a way and making tunics for Adam and Eve by splitting those animals in half is all now reality in Jesus. He was ripped apart in the wrath of God so that we might be brought and made whole by through his death and blood shedding. So the only clothing that can solve the problem of shame is Jesus himself. He's the only basis for a peaceful, vigorous, joyful, fulfilling, fruitful marriage. and the prosperity and fruitfulness of the one flesh relationship in marriage is dependent upon our one flesh relationship with Jesus. Now you see this, the whole point of talking about a man and a woman being one flesh, which is, Paul says, that's a great mystery, but he says, I'm talking about Jesus and the church. This is a picture of the reality of the fact that when you are baptized, you become one flesh with Jesus. The church is salvation in that sense. Now, evangelicals go, oh, Horace, that's heresy. Well, wait a minute. Read your Bible. Is the church the body of Christ? Yes. Where is life and grace and love? Where can you find it? In Jesus. You've got to be in Jesus. And to be in Jesus is to be a member of his body, which is the church. So the church is salvation, Calvin said. And why would you argue with that? Why would you think that that's not true? How could you think you could be saved and abominate or despise the body of Jesus? That's not possible. The Spirit only fills His body. You say, well, I'm a temple of the Spirit. Yes, because you're united to the body, right? So you have the Spirit by virtue of being in the body. You don't come and contribute the spirit to the body, you get the spirit from the body, by virtue of being members of the body. And the church is the body of Christ, and that's why baptism now saves you. Peter understood that, you know, water's not magical and all that, but when he says baptism now saves you, then he's talking about this whole thing and he's assuming you know the Bible. Bad assumption, as it is, but that's what he's assuming. Then he can just go ahead and state it. And they state all these blunt things that we get shocked over. And if you say them out of context, I actually wrote a guy, he said, how can you say that baptism unites you to Christ? I said, well, how could Peter say baptism now saves you? I mean, how could you say baptism now saves you? He said, oh, you can't say that. That's heresy. I said, well, go talk to Peter. He's the one I was quoting. This is crazy. We don't read the Bible, and therefore we're missing out on all this stuff, and we make up a theology that's got some kind of Bible reference to it, but it's not really what the Bible teaches, so it's a little weird. And we have to understand that this is what is being spoken about. So, the nature of the one-flesh relationship. This means that it's a kinship relationship. The one flesh relationship is a kinship relationship, and I mean by this that you have not only a wife and a husband, but you have a sister and a brother. A new sister and a new brother. In the Song of Solomon, Solomon addresses his beloved as my sister, my bride. Same girl, but she is both my bride and my sister. my sister bride at one point he calls her and he's not saying that his bride happens to be you know have the same mother that he does that wouldn't be right so he's not saying she's literally my sister he is saying that his bride that when he when he married and this woman became his bride, she also became his sister. Marriage establishes not only a marital union of husband and wife, but also a kin relationship of brother and sister. Being one flesh with your wife brings a complex set of relations, and we see this in how Solomon addresses his wife. So in addition to calling her his sister bride, he calls her my friend, my dove, the one who gives me the spirit and strengthens me in the spirit, my perfect one, my beauty, my glory. She's his garden, he says. She's his fountain, the one that gives him life. She's a well of life to him. And the bride there, in turn, calls him her lover, the one whom her soul loves, and her friend. So they are lovers and friends. Solomon is intoxicated by her beauty, but she is also his sister. And this idea is really like everything else in the original creation. Remember, as soon as Yahweh presented Eve to Adam, Adam cries out, this is, this one is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. And we always think, yeah, that's because they're going to be one flesh. But really, that phrase becomes a term to speak of family relationships, right? Throughout the Bible. To call someone your flesh and bones is to declare a familial relation with them, a kinship relation. So Laban welcomes Jacob to Haran with these words. Surely you are my bone and my flesh. Remember my family. And David appeals to the elders of Judah for help in his struggle with Absalom by noting that he is, he says, you are my brothers, he says, you are my bone and my flesh. Same phrase that Adam uses for Eve. And Abimelech does the same thing in Judges chapter 9. To be flesh and bones is to be related by family. And so Paul says, we are members of Christ's body, of his flesh, and of his bones. And when he says that, he's saying that Jesus is not only the church's bridegroom, but our elder brother as well. Jesus became our brother by his birth from Mary, so that as the brother, he could take us to himself as his bride, and the church becomes the sister bride of Christ. And thus when Solomon describes his wife as his sister bride, he's saying that she not only is the bride who arouses him sexually and that he desires, but that she is the sister with whom he lives in familial affection. And this summarizes the biblical picture of marriage, really. Husband and wife are not merely sexual partners. They are kin. They're bound together. They are brother and sister. They not only share a bed, they share the house. They share a family. They share responsibilities and have responsibilities with one another and to everyone in their house. So when we marry, we get new names. and new families. The bride not only gets a lover, but a new family, new parents, new sisters, new brothers, new aunts, new uncles. The same is true for a husband. Marriage consists of this husband-brother, sister-bride relationship. And if our marriages are to flourish, we've got to live together as husband and wife, and as brother and sister. And these relationships are dependent upon one another. You can't separate them. Unless you're growing in your relationship as brother and sister, you will never have a fruitful bride and groom relationship. You must learn to live as friends if you're to continue to live as lovers. That make sense? So, now here's the implication. When people say, we have fallen out of love. I know it's insane, but you know, bear with me a moment. You can't, you know. But when they say that, what they're saying is, we are unwilling to be reconciled as friends. That's really what's going on here. Don't give me this junk about, I lost my love. That's not the way love works. But what you are telling me is, you're not willing to be reconciled to her. And she's not willing to be reconciled to you. You don't want to be brother and sister anymore. You don't like her anymore. So the one flesh relationship is not only nourished by passionate love for one another, but it's sustained by a persevering faithfulness to Jesus and to the responsibilities he's given to us as husbands and wives. Now, what I want to do is think about this for a moment. And think about how this works itself out for us. This relationship is nourished, of course, by a profound passion for one another. And you see that, of course, in the Song of Solomon. This is really upsetting to hear. I know. Just making the children, made the children cry. You did it again. Happens all the time at church. Anyway, you see this in the Song of Solomon. The love that exists between the king and his bride is sensual. In fact, it is what we could call erotic, rightly understood. Now, I'm going back to C.S. Lewis' definition here. Lewis says that true erotic love is not merely a desire, it's not a desire for self-satisfaction in the first place. Because if that's all it is, then it's nothing more than self-worship. It's not a legitimate form of love at all. So Eros is not and cannot be equated with lust. But Lewis says, he defines Eros, remember, as a delighted preoccupation with the beloved. This preoccupation with her in the totality of her being. And so he says that He says, if you ask a man under the influence of erotic love what he wanted, the true reply would often be, I want to go on thinking of her. I'm dominated by her. And he says that's true eroticism. Now, in this view then, Eros responds to the whole being of the beloved. Everything that's true and good and beautiful in the beloved And it's far from sinful lust then. It's a love that refuses to reduce the beloved to a sexual object merely. It's attracted to the beloved as a whole person. It's a love then that's devoted to loving one another and being loved in return. So true eroticism loves with the expectation of reciprocation. Marriage is based on erotic love, but that doesn't mean it's only about passion and sexual pleasure. That's true, but it's not the whole truth. Marriage is founded upon a love that provokes you to help with the cleaning, and to have late night and early morning conversations, and to join together in the painful, joyful, deliriously happy and amazingly tragic sometimes, rearing of children. And it enables you to work together as you strain to make ends meet and stay within the budget and to sacrifice your personal desires for the joy of your mate and to do it gladly because it makes you so happy to see her happy. that you happily give up what you were looking forward to and thinking about and longing for, for her happiness and vice versa. And in supporting one another, that difficult task that's ours by virtue of being husbands and wives and fathers and mothers and living together like that. Eros shows itself in the family room as much as in the bedroom. It's displayed as much as when you're doing the tiresome daily chores of the house as it is when you're sharing a beautiful meal in the very nice restaurant that we don't get to go to but once a year. And we have fun at that time. It's manifested as much in the tedium of disciplining children and breaking up the fights and struggling to keep everybody reconciled as much as it is slow dancing in the kitchen after all of them are in bed. Embodying a one-flesh relationship means cultivating true eroticism, desiring your mate in all the areas of your life for all your life. One-flesh means full-orbed, full-bodied romance and wholehearted kinship. And that's why I've taken to, in marriage, to, you know, I never have, one point some, one couple wanted to write their own vows and I said, Give it a shot, but show them to me." And from that point on, I've said, nobody writes their own vows. You don't get the privilege of saying what you're going to be responsible for. God puts that on you. And so the church has worked out a beautiful vow, and that's what you're using. Because you want to be in step with the church, right? And they go, oh yes, that's good, because that's what's happening here. That's what's going to happen. And the oldest vow talks, the last line, when you vow, I'm going to be, to have you, to have and to hold from this day forward till death do us part, and thereto, here's the last line, and thereto I pledge thee my troth. And the couple goes, hmm, that's, hmm. And I go, you know what that means, right? And they go, um, no. Sounds pretty good though, doesn't it? Yeah, it does. Well, but it's an old medieval phrase and really it embodies this whole idea of one flesh. I give you everything I am and everything I have and everything I ever will be is yours. For this life. As long as I'm alive and as long as you're alive, you must know I am yours, body and soul. I give you everything. It's pretty serious. And so we talk about what does it mean to pledge troth? That's what you've done to Jesus, you see. That's what Jesus has done to you. I give you myself, Jesus says, for as long as I live, which is eternal. I never die. So His love is eternal, and our lives are eternal for that reason. But that's what you're doing, and that's what we have to understand. We're pledging ourselves, not 50%, but everything I have, 100% is yours. But there's more. The one flesh relationship encompasses the call to build up one another. Husbands are called to love their wives as Jesus loves the church, and that means we're involved in building up our wives like Jesus builds up the church. Wives are gifts of God, and they're undeserved, just like any other gift. And so we're always to view our wives with gratitude, like the joy that Adam had when he saw Eve. Wives are gracious gifts. Adam responds to God's goodness in giving him a woman. She was, of course, literally from the hand of God. But every, what we hear in Proverbs is every woman comes from the hand of God. If you have a wife, Solomon says, you've obtained grace from God, a gracious gift from God. That is a manifestation of God's love and favor. And therefore, you have to view her that way from here on, because that's the reality. But it's also true that husbands are called to be like not only the first Adam, but the last Adam. Paul says in Ephesians 5, he's quoting from Genesis 2, for this cause a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife and the two should be one flesh. But then remember what he says right after, immediately he reminds his readers, I'm not talking about the first Adam now. I just quoted Genesis 2, but I'm not really talking about him. I'm speaking of Jesus, of Christ and the church, he says. Husbands are called to be like the last Adam, and that means we're called to be the kind of husband who builds up his bride. We're called to build her up, adorning her, beautifying her, glorifying her, so that she's transformed from glory to more radiant glory, from beauty to more perfect beauty, from joy to deeper joy. And that means that the way Jesus builds up the church is the pattern for husbands, as they seek to build up their wives. Since the church is the bride of Christ, then you can view Paul's instructions as a plan. When he gives instructions to the church, that's the plan of how you build up your wife. And so listen to some of the things Paul says. He says, lay aside falsehood and speak the truth. He says, be angry, do not sin, don't let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity. He says, let no unwholesome rotten word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification, according to the need of the moment, that it may give grace to those who hear. You are to be an instrument of grace to one another. Grace means favor. It's not blue substance from heaven or something, it's favor. So if God is gracious to you, that means you're in his favor. And we are to show this kind of favor to one another that encourages growth in grace and growth in holiness and likeness, God-likeness. He says, don't grieve the Holy Spirit. And let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ has forgiven you. The whole pattern here is you treat one another just like I've treated you. You want to know how to be a husband? Think about how I treat you. You want to know how to be a wife? Think about how I've commanded you to respond to me. So just as the Lord ripped one of Adam's sides to build a bride, so Jesus voluntarily gives his body and gives his side on the cross so that his bride could be born from water in the blood. And thus we learn how to build up our wives. You edify her by giving yourself for her well-being. And when it comes to the relationship between husband and wife, The whole analogy of a building becomes much more complex, though, because we're talking here about a living building. And think about how this works with Christ in the church. Jesus builds up the church and works in such a way that each of the members of his body are enabled, in turn, to build up and strengthen the other members so that the body as a whole grows up into maturity. That's what Paul says in Ephesians chapter 4. Let me, if I can grab that real quickly, I want you to hear that, because it's a little bit complex, but Paul assumes that we're slow readers, and we are, so, or we should be, to hear this. He says, he's talking about Jesus giving gifts to the church, and he says, from whom, that is from Jesus, the whole body joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, according to the effective working by which every part does its share, causes the growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love." Now, it's pretty complex there, but he's saying, you see what's happening here? Jesus gives gifts to the church, and that builds up each of the members of his body so that they can then, in turn, build up one another, which in turn builds up the whole body. So that's the picture. Jesus builds his bride, and as he does so, the bride builds herself. And so wives are not passive in the work of edifications that husbands are engaged in. They give themselves to their husbands, and as they do so, they actively build up themselves. And remember, the building we're talking about here is building Christ, who's not merely the head, but the body. And Paul says he's one body with many members, the church is being built into a spiritual house, a house of the Holy Spirit, so that it in turn drives human activity that builds up the body of Christ. The body is the bride, Jesus builds up the bride so that the bride can build herself up, which in turn builds up and glorifies Christ himself. That's so much fun. The analogy of a building gets clumsy, you see, because we're thinking about a living building. And when you think of this relationally, it becomes a little more clear. So, husband who gives himself to his wife in love, by speaking to her, by caring for her, by helping her, by giving himself to her. Then, they grow greater and greater and more and more glorious, and as they do that, then they're going to be useful in the rest of the body, and the whole body is going to be built up, and the whole body matures, and Jesus himself becomes more glorious as the body is more and more transformed. It's this interacting, this Trinitarian, which makes it really mysterious to us, because it's awfully hard to keep it all in your head, because we're talking about Trinitarian stuff. This is the way God works. Peter Lightheart says it's more like music and dancing than anything else. He says the relationship that exists between Christ and the church and thus between a husband and wife is like that of a fugue. So Christ is the head of the theme. He's the one who sets the theme. But the bride follows with a melody of her own which keeps in step with the melody of her husband. So Jesus' song blazes the path for the song of the bride and provides the space by which the bride's song in which the bride's song is sung and the bride's song always harmonizes with Christ's song and never drowns out his voice. But he says it's responsive and secondary and builds and makes this glorious harmony and beautiful fugal symphony. The duet is miraculously richer than the solo. And that's kind of the picture. Marriage is this lifelong fugal dance in which the husband's song calls forth the song of the bride, and the bride's song adorns her husband's so that they together form a glorious and beautiful complex composition. It's designed to be a song of songs. That's really what we're talking about. And all of this is made possible by the Holy Spirit, who's the music of God. He's the great singer and the one who brings harmony. Now, so the one flesh relationship is a relationship of mutual submission, mutual love and complex caring and responsibility for each other. Mutual sacrifice. It's not a relationship of strict equality because the husband is not the wife, nor is the wife the husband. They have distinct roles and duties, but it is a relationship of mutuality. Not equality, but mutuality. The head is not the body, the body is not the head, but both depend upon one another, and one without the other dies. And so, if our marriages are to live, we must begin to live as one flesh, and that means we must be careful about how we act toward one another. Just like you're careful with your body. You don't unnecessarily endanger it. You try to protect it. All right? You're one flesh, so you also seek to nourish and cherish your body again, which includes your wife. We have to honor one another in word and deed. So very quickly, let's think about what, again, Paul tells us. He says, guard your tongues. Remember the power of words. We teach the children, sticks and stones can break your bones, words can never hurt you, but that's not biblical. When God speaks, things change. His word is transformative and creative, and it brings about new worlds. You are created after the image of God, which is why your words have the similar power. And they do. And you know they do, that's why you use them like you use them sometimes. Right? Your words can cause deep wounds. And you know that. And you know particularly the kind of words and the way they need to be said in order to cause the deep wound you want to cause. However deep it might be. Sometimes you just want to gash, sometimes you want to dig, sometimes you want to thrust it all the way through to the handle. And you know how to do it. You learn that really quickly because it depends on the person you're with and your husband, of course, or your wife. You learn how quickly you know what to say and how to say it that will really get them. But you know your words are going to have an effect because words are powerful because you're created after the image of God, which is why God says, be sure that when you speak, your words are ministering grace. They're giving gifts and they're not destroying because they can do both. Proverbs 12, 18, there is one who speaks like the piercings of a sword, but the tongue of the wise is salvation. It's wholeness. It heals. Your words can cause riots or destroy the closest friendships. 1628 of Proverbs, a perverse man sows strife and a whisperer separates the best of friends. Listen to this. This is Proverbs 18, 21. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Your words can kill or make alive, and you know that's true because you've seen it work. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. We think that words don't have effects, but you have seen people who've been battered down by words far worse than they could have ever been beaten down with the fist. That's the way It works when you're a creature created after the image of God. And our words do have that, can have that kind of destructive effect. But the other side is your words can have an amazingly salvific effect. It can transform things. You can transform men's lives by your words, by what you say, how you speak. And you see this most clearly with kings. When they declare something, they can change the whole kingdom in a day. They're in positions of authority. But this is also true of all of us as the image bearers of God. We can bring about new worlds by our words. Changing the way you speak to one another transforms things. We were in a little church during vacation, and before the Lord's Supper, they had a time where they called Passing the Peace. And every member of that church got up and came around and spoke to each other member saying, the peace of the Lord be with you. They said that, the first thing. That was the first thing out of their mouths. Then, if they stood there a little longer, they would say, and how is your daughter, and how is so-and-so, and they would chat a little. But the first thing they said was, peace of the Lord be with you. And I thought, you know, we assume that, but there's something about hearing that that's important. That's why Christians, I mean, throughout the Bible, believers always greet each other like that in some way. The peace of the Lord be with you, they say, and with you, they say. God bless you, and you. The Spirit be with you. Those are not meaningless formalities. Those really convey and make a reality, something that we know, but it becomes more real when it's said like that. And that's why saying things to each other is important, and saying things in a certain way is important. This is why our liturgies are set up so that if I say, this is the word of the Lord, you don't get to say, so what? You get to say, Here's the response. Thanks be to God. That's what you say. And we put it down there because that's what you say, because that's what you ought to say. It's just like telling the children, thank mama for the meal. I don't care whether you liked it or not, you thank her for the meal, because you ought to be thankful, whether you are or not. So you ought to be thankful for the word every day, even though some days, the truth is, it's not as happy to hear as other days. But you ought to be thankful, and saying it, and being part of the liturgy, that you have to say that way, and respond that way, and be with us, and say it with us. All of a sudden you realize, even if you're not thankful, you realize I should be thankful. That's the right thing to say. And I'm a miserable sinner because I'm not thankful today, and I ought to be thankful. It's a rebuke, because I should be thankful. Well, words are powerful. And so, because of the one-flesh relationship husbands and wives sustain, words can make or break that relationship. When you complain about your wife's weakness or instability or fragile emotional state, remember that you can change that. At least you can seek to do what you can. If she is weak and fragile, speak words of courage and encouragement to her. Strengthen her with your words. Self-image is really thinking about yourself in terms of what we think others think about us, and bad self-image means you're listening to the wrong opinions. God tells you who you are. Baptism confirms that reality. And you have to realize that's the truth about you. That's your identity. And we have to encourage one another in being who we are. So that a minister told me, or says one time, he said that his mother always, when he'd go out when he was a teenager, his last words of his mother was, remember who you are. That's all she had to say, because he said, it reminded me, I knew what she meant. I'm baptized, I belong to Jesus, I don't belong to Satan, I don't have a right to live like I belong to Satan, and I have to guard everything I say and do as I'm out. Okay. She didn't have to say a whole lot. She just gave him those words. Johnny, remember who you are. See you later. Have a nice day. And he's going, yes ma'am. Remember the whole thing. That's that the whole evening. And so, God's word is the defining word. His word is to shape us, not the opinions of the vain and the arrogant. Now this doesn't mean you shouldn't recognize the superiority of others. It'd be silly to think of yourself as the most beautiful, the most smartest, the gift, the most able and all. You know, I call it the American Idol syndrome. It is amazing to me that these people who cannot sing start crying when, you know, one of the judges says, You know what? You are terrible. It's like for the first time in their lives they had an honest person speak to them. They go, no, I'm going to be a star. And they're going, no, you are not. Then they go, yes, I am. I'm going to be a star. I'm going to show you. Well, where are they? I'm still watching. No, they're not a star. They're terrible. And it's coming from this idea of false encouragement, which is flattery. We tell our children, you are the best, you are the greatest, you're the most wonderful, you're the most beautiful. That's not helpful. Because they know, first of all, you're lying. Because they have seen someone that's more beautiful, and they know they are. And they've seen someone who is smarter, and they know they're smarter. And for you to say that just means you need to get out more. Don't say that. We encourage by saying, you know what, that was really, really a good, that was just tremendous. It was really great. I enjoyed it. Thought it was just outstanding. Well, that's fine. It was. It was enjoyable. It was great. It wasn't the best thing that's ever been done, but it was really good. And I'm happy for you and I'm thankful for you and I'm glad that this is done. But I don't want you thinking, that there's no one better because if you get high enough in the field, you realize there are thousands and thousands of people that are better than you. And I heard on the radio, I'm sorry to tell you this, but this guy called up a radio station, they were talking about certain things. He said, the only reason that we all a lot of us can't play in the NBA is because we never got an opportunity. I nearly had to pull off the road and go, oh my goodness. This guy actually thinks he could play in the NBA. He has never played basketball, number one. He's never watched those guys play. But 90% of America thinks the only reason they're not famous is because they never got a break. And that is horrendous. We need humility. You need to learn there are people that can do things that you hadn't thought about, and you need to be thankful for that, not jealous and envious or bitter because you didn't get your opportunity. If you had gotten your opportunity, you'd only embarrass yourself. Well, I'm off the track pretty far there, but we're to encourage one another. That's so encouraging there. But husband's calling is not to make himself feel superior to his wife at the expense of her, but to build her up. Speak God's judgment of her and to her so that she can know who she is and remember who she is. Our wives have to be confident in God's love, and if they cannot be, they cannot be confident in our love and our respect. And this means that wives have to be supportive and encouraging their husbands. It takes a great deal of courage, and it's difficult to lead. It's scary. We don't want to mess up. We don't want to look stupid. We want to do what's right and best, and we hate it when things don't work out like we thought they would. And we then have a failure of nerve. And many men won't make a decision because they're scared of being wrong. That's wrong on their part, right? So they just settle for being nice guys. They're just nice guys. Whatever you want to do, honey, that's fine. Just whatever. Just tell me whatever you want. Well, maybe there's a certain situation where that's OK. It's a fine response. But usually you need to be the guy. You need to be the one. You're not called to be nice. You're called to be faithful. And you don't marry girls. Don't marry a coward like that. He's got to be somebody who's willing to take a stand. And you can encourage him and strengthen him. But he's got to be willing to take the stand. He's got to be willing to follow God's will, even though he knows that's probably going to get him in big trouble. I want to see the guy do what God says to do, even when he is 99.9% certain if he does it, he is going to get in big hot water. But I want to see him do it. That's what courage is. Not being fearless. It means doing what's right in the face of fear. Right? And that's the job of the woman so many times is to encourage you, encourage your man to say, do what's right. I'm with you. Don't worry. I'm right behind you. You're in hot water. I'll be there with you. Don't worry. At least we'll be, you know, we'll boil together. You got to be together. And so, and, but we need encouragement in that. And very often the only one who knows that is you, you know, other people think, no, they don't have any problems with that. So they don't think about saying it. But you know, and you can say it, you build him up so that he grows in courageous faithfulness. The courageous faithfulness is necessary to provide for and protect and defend his house. Honor one another by observing the common, now the uncommon, courtesies. Treat her like a lady. Express appreciation for her labors and kindnesses. Do the things you did before you were married, when you were trying to impress her. Isn't it amazing that husbands were nicer to their wives before they're married than after? She wasn't even yours then. Now she's yours. It ought to be that our thoughtfulness goes up ten times. Because now she belongs to me. She didn't before. She was just a potential. Now she's a reality. We ought to honor her even more by these courtesies. Doing those things. That's why, again, courtesy is important for our children to learn. Etiquette is important to learn. Not so you can be a snob. but so that you can do things in the right way that shows respect. Those rules of etiquette were to show respect for one another and to honor other people. So the reason why I don't sit at the table and have food coming all out of my mouth and shoving with both hands and talking the whole time. Why don't I eat like that? Because it makes you sick. I've got to honor you. So there are rules we set up so that I know this way it won't offend you. In fact, you might enjoy eating with me and that's what I want because I need to think of you. We have to teach our children that none of the children know this anymore. And they've got to learn when an older person comes in the room, please stand up and greet them and let them have your chair because they're older than you. And I don't care whether they're tired or you're tired. They're older than you. They deserve honor. And you know, this is why in the South we say, we tell our children, say, yes, sir, and yes, ma'am. We're not trying to demean anybody. We just want them to understand you have to respect other people, especially people that are older than you. Say it that way. And I remember visiting my cousin in New York one time and my mother said, Bruce, would you like something? He goes, yeah. And I went, oh, man, hit him on the table and everything. I thought, bombs are coming, son. You didn't say the right thing. You're supposed to say, yes, ma'am. You get hit doing that. Man, it scared me to death. And I asked Mama, I said, how come he gets away with that? She says, well, they just don't do that up here. I thought, whew, that's a lucky thing, son, where you going. You'd be dead by this time. But honoring one another is important, teaching the children to honor one another, and that's why these rules of courtesy and etiquette are important for us. If you do something right, you're not going to offend the people who don't know it's right. One of my teachers in school said, pronounce the word the proper way. The people who don't know how it's pronounced won't be offended, and the people who do know how it's pronounced will be comforted. Because there's nothing worse than you knowing how to pronounce a word and me saying it the wrong way over and over again. You keep going, does he not really know? I thought he went to school. And it's true, because you know how it's happened every now and then somebody got up and said obstacle eight, 800 times. Be careful in love. Be considerate of one another. Be willing to listen and sympathize with one another. Spend time together. News for today. Spend time together. Eat together. Be careful to demonstrate your love in tangible, physical, feelable ways. And always remember that's how the Lord maintains His relationship with us. He speaks to us. He eats with us. He spends time with us. That's the way we do it. We imitate Him. Being one flesh is an amazing mystery. And we got to learn how to do that. And I'm sorry that I've gone over time. Let's pray. Thank you, Lord, for this day and for blessing us. Help us to honor you in the rest of this day and protect us all for Jesus' sake. Amen.