Our God and our Father who is in heaven, the blessed name of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, we are grateful for this afternoon and that you have granted us a chance to come from so many different places, far and wide, and to gather together in this conference to learn from your words. We specifically commit this seminar into your hands as we look at issues of courtship and specifically purity in courtship. We pray, Lord, for those who are yet to enter courtship and we pray for those who are in courtship. We pray for those who are beyond it and they're even married and are here just to be equipped to help others. Lord, whatever category we fall in, we entrust ourselves into your hands. Lord, I commit myself as the facilitator into your hands, praying that you might be with both speaker and listener, to bless your word into our hearts and to equip us for life, for the sake of the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen. Okay, our subject is maintaining sexual purity in courtship. Let us start by defining what we mean by sexual purity. It is important that we define what we mean by sexual purity because different people will look at it differently and many will think that they are being pure Meanwhile, they are missing out. And so let's look at the definition of sexual purity. Let's start negatively what sexual purity is not. So sexual purity is not merely not sleeping with each other during the course of the courtship. Because many courting couples who have never slept with each other are still guilty of sexual impurity in their courtship. Sometimes we get parents rejoicing that their daughter is getting married without becoming pregnant. It's like it's a very big achievement. It's like, yeah, we've made it. She didn't get pregnant. And so sexual purity is looked at just not physically indulging in sexual intercourse during a courtship. But this is not, from a biblical point of view, this is not sexual purity. Positively, sexual purity is, it is relating with your partner in courtship in such a way as not to harbor lust in your heart. As not to harbor lust in your heart. So in other words, from a biblical point of view, It is not, first and foremost, just a physical act of sleeping with each other, which is the heart of the problem. The heart of the problem, from a biblical point of view, is lust. And lust is the real issue, because lust in the heart precedes all sorts of sexual misconduct, as we are going to see. Now, where does lust sit? What is the root of lust? Let's read a few scriptures. This is Matthew chapter 5, Matthew chapter 5, 27 and 28. Matthew chapter 5, you have heard that it was said, do not commit adultery, but I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully, take note of that word again, Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. So we begin to see already that from a biblical point of view, something that sits in the heart quietly, silently, burning in the heart, not expressing itself physically, is already considered a sin from God's point of view. So lust sitting in the heart, God says is as good as or shall we say as bad as sleeping with someone Matthew 15 19 to 20 for out of the heart notice the heart again for out of the heart come evil thoughts murder adultery sexual immorality theft false testimony slander These are what make a man unclean, but eating with unwashed hands does not make him unclean. So again, from the heart come evil thoughts, adultery, sexual immorality. Then in James 1 verse 14, But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. So again, desire sitting in the heart. So, the root of lust is the heart. It proceeds from the heart. And this is what God has got issue with. And as we are going to see, sexual purity means that you are relating in such a way that you are not provoking lust in your heart. Let's define further what this secular lust is all about. Secular lust can be defined as a strong sexual craving or desire over and above the normal desires which leads someone to engage in a sinful act. Now, all of us human beings have been endowed with no more sexual desires. No more sexual desires. These are desires that God has given us as human beings, just as we have other emotions and desires. Sexual desires are part of our design. So we will have no more sexual desires. No more sexual desires are not lost. I remember a story when we were a bit younger. Someone just wanted to tease someone. And they went to them and said, do you sometimes have sexual feelings? So this person, thinking that they were being very holy, they simply said, no. And then this man was asking them, he says, go and see the doctor. There's something wrong with you. I mean, sexual desires are normal. And normal sexual desires are not the same as lust. We are going to differentiate them very soon. So lust is not a normal sexual desire. It can be contrasted from the normal or ordinary sexual desires by the following illustrations and characteristics. Its characteristics come out very clearly. That is the characteristic of lust. From 1 Thessalonians chapter 4 and reading from verse 3, the Bible tells us, For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor. not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God, that no one transgress and wrong his brother in this matter. Because the Lord is an avenger in all these things, as we told you beforehand and solemnly warned you. For God has not called us for impurity, but in holiness. Therefore, whoever disregards this, disregards not man, but God, who gives his Holy Spirit to you. So, notice from those verses, the underlying portions, lust expresses itself in sexual immorality, in failure to control one's body, in holiness and honor, in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God, It transgresses and wrongs the brother. And in the seven, it talks about impurity. All those are characteristics of lust expressing itself. Lust is like a wildfire. Now, in Africa, we are spared from destructive wildfires. Countries like America, Australia, and countries like those, suffer greatly when there is a wildfire. Because the wildfire there is very destructive. It can destroy houses, it can kill animals, it can kill people, and it is very difficult to put off. It is very destructive. Lust, when it burns in a human heart, is very destructive. And we'll continue to build on the destructive nature of lust just now. But comparing it to normal or ordinary sexual desires, lust is like a wildfire. Meanwhile, normal sexual desires are like a domestic fire. Is it not true that we keep fire in our homes? We keep fire in the form of braziers, in the form of stoves, in the form of candles and lanterns. We keep fire domestically in many different forms. And the fire we keep in our homes does not burn our houses down. Because it is controllable. It is fire, but it is controllable. So lust is destructive, like a wildfire. Normal sexual desires are not destructive. They are controllable. So the nature of sexual desires, ordinary sexual desires are cyclic in nature. Cyclic meaning they come and go. Whereas lust is catastrophic in nature. I'll explain those two words. If you don't eat for a long time, what will happen to you? Beyond being hungry, you will die. Are we agreed? Same if you're not drinking water, isn't it? But have we ever heard that someone has died because they did not have sex for a long time? No, seriously. If you have heads, put up your hand. But if it is a desire, how come no one dies by not satisfying this desire? The reason is, it is cyclic in nature. It can come very strongly at one moment and then it goes away. without any negative effect on the human being. So it is cyclic in nature. It is cyclic in nature so that we can control it. Hunger and thirst, we've got no option. When you are hungry, you just have to find food. Otherwise you die. When you are thirsty, you just have to find water, otherwise you die. Not so with ordinary sexual desires. They are cyclic in nature. They come and go. Although at one point they might be so strong to make you feel that you are going to die, you won't die. Because the following day you find there's nothing. They've gone. They've gone. So they are cyclic in nature. It is the lustful desires which take on catastrophic proportions Because in their case, petrol or fuel has been poured on the fire and it now burns uncontrollably. So sexual desires become uncontrollable when we begin to pour fuel on them. We begin to pour fuel on them. Then the fire gets out of hand. Even a brazier in the home, if you are going to get a gallon of petrol and pour it on that brazier, it will become uncontrollable. And then don't be surprised if your house bends down. Okay, so lust is something that is in the heart. It is a condition of the heart. But let us now trace how it progresses, how it manifests itself, so that we are sure, if we are in courtship, that we are not harboring lust and we are not manifesting last. So, let us stress it. It starts in the heart, like we've already seen. So, last in the heart. It can take the form of evil thoughts and sexual fantasies. Evil thoughts or sexual fantasies. Psalm 36 and verse 1, Transgression speaks to the wicked deep, notice that one, deep in his heart. There is no fear of God before his eyes. And verse 4, He plants wickedness upon his bed. He sets himself on a path that is not good. He does not despise evil. Picture this man, he is just alone, lying on his bed. He is not harming anyone, as it were. He is just lying on his bed. But there on his bed, if you were to search his heart, his heart is on fire. There is a wild fire burning in his heart. There is wickedness deep in his heart. He's entertaining evil thoughts and imaginations deep in his heart. You see, lust can remain hidden in the heart. Your partner, the one you're courting, can be completely in the dark that you are struggling with lust. Because at heart level, when it is in our heart, it is hidden, Like the common saying goes, you can't tell by looking. In fact, Christians are very good at looking serious at home. Romans chapter 9, Romans chapter 9. Yeah, there the apostle Paul is saying, but inside, there's a fire burning. So we can keep it hidden. And no one but ourselves and our God will know that we have got a problem. So lust can remain hidden in our hearts. And if we are in courtship and we are harboring lust in our heart, we are not maintaining sexual purity. That's the point we are coming to. You might never touch your partner or sleep with them or any such sexual act. But as long as you are harboring lust in your heart, you are not maintaining sexual purity. You go back home, you have not touched your girlfriend or your boyfriend, but when you go back home, you are falling to sleep, you're just tossing. Because of the imaginations, the fumes that are going through your mind and your heart, you are not maintaining sexual purity. That is the first indicator, lust in the heart. And it can remain hidden in the heart. But it can begin to come out. Lust can begin to come out from the heart and it can begin to express itself through the tongue, through speech. So from the heart it can begin to come out through speech. It can be manifested in words. As we see in Ephesians chapter 5 and reading from verse 3, But sexual immorality and all impurity or curvaceousness must not even be named among you as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness, no foolish talk, no crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. And this it can manifest on the tongue or through speech by sexually suggestive speech, you know, speech that has got sexual connotations, or through kiss and swear words, or through compliments, but with a sexual connotation. You know, it is one thing to compliment your fiancé about her hair. It is another thing to compliment her about other parts of the body. So, those compliments with a sexual connotation can be an indication of what is in the heart, beginning to come out through speech. Similarly, especially in the world, insults with sexual connotations, and then course jokes, jokes that have got sexual connotations. So lust can begin to express itself through speech. But furthermore, It can now manifest itself through actual deeds, through actions. And these actions, we've divided them into two. Actions when you are alone. Actions when you are alone, Galatians 5.19. Now, the works of the flesh are evident. Sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, all these are actual deeds coming out coming out but manifesting what is in the heart. So when you are alone lust can manifest through accessing pornography for example, whether it is on the internet, literature or the type of movies You are watching and so on and so on. There are so many sources of pornography these days. We'll be saying something about that much later on. But you know that you're having a problem with lust when you are into pornography. So you know that there is a problem at heart level. Lust is controlling and it is manifesting through accessing pornography. But masturbation, Masturbation, having sex alone. Masturbation. And you know sometimes people argue that I'm not harming anyone, I'm just releasing the pressure. No, you are not just releasing the pressure, you are manifesting lust. You are indicating that you have not mastered, you are failing to master the last. And so now you must find an outlet, and that outlet takes the form of masturbation. So do not believe the psychologists who say masturbation is good for you. That's what my psychologists tell us. Believe the scriptures. If you find yourself, pornography, masturbation, the real problem is lust, it is getting out of control now. And so you are failing to control, to get rid of lust and to control yourself. So it can manifest itself when you are alone, but it can manifest itself when you are with your partner. We are talking about courtship. So it can manifest itself when you're with your partner through things like kissing each other, fondling each other, caressing each other, petting each other, and so on and so on. So now you are with an actual person, physically expressing yourself, or through actual sexual intercourse, that is fornication. So now lust can physically manifest itself with your partner. Now I'm getting back to the kissing, fondling, caressing, petting. Sex comes as a package. God created it as a package. All the above belong to the sex package, which must not be opened until marriage. So it is one package. It is one package, the sex package, all wrapped up. And that package, kissing, fondling, caressing, petting, whatever has to do with each other's bodies, belongs to one sex package. One package, the sex package. And that package is reserved for marriage. There are always questions about kissing, I'm coming. Yeah, I knew. I knew there were all those questions when we mentioned kissing. But just hang on. All these things, kissing, fondling, caressing, petting, sexual intercourse, all of them involve having access to your friend's body. They involve having access to each other's bodies. Now, when we read the Bible, we discover one thing. Only in marriage are we given permission to do as we please with each other's bodies, to have access to your partner's body only in marriage. Are we together? I'll give you the scripture. 1 Corinthians chapter 7 verse 4. The wife's body does not belong to her alone, but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone, but also to his wife. This is in marriage. Touching each other's bodies outside marriage is like driving a car without a driver's license. Now please, please listen to this. It's not a question of ability. Some young people argue, what if we kiss each other properly? We don't arouse the desires and lust within ourselves. We kiss each other properly. That is not the issue. What if you drive properly, but you don't have a driver's license? Yes. Yes. Park there. police fine or imprisonment. But I can drive better some drivers who have got licenses. That is not the issue. You don't have a license. Now, because kissing has been made so popular by the world, we just assume it is okay. From a biblical point of view, it is not okay. It is just the same like fondling each other, petting each other, caressing each other. All these are not okay because they belong to a package. And we don't have the authority to open that package until on that day when we say, I do. Have you noticed that in the Bible, there are only two sets of rules that govern male-female relationship? One set of rules is general to the singles, those who are not married. The other set of rules is for the marrieds. Have you noticed that? There is no extra set of rules for people in courtship. You know what that means? It simply means this. I don't know in other countries. In Zambia, if you have completed your grade 12, your qualifications are grade 12. If you're going to a college and you're doing, say, GA, perhaps medicine, you haven't got your degree yet, your qualifications are still grade 12. There's no in-between. You notice, there's no in-between. So you're either grade 12 or you've completed your tertiary and you've got your diploma or degree. If you're still studying, There is no in-between. It's the same with marital status on forms. You're either single or married. Have you found a form where they've got in courtship? No, because it is not a status on its own. When you are in courtship, the rules that govern your conduct are the rules for singles. When you get married, there's a whole new set for marrieds. There are only two. And I'm spending a bit of time here because it's an area of confusion for young people, this kissing thing. Because it's so popular. Every film you watch, music, what what, people in courtship are courting each other. We just grow up thinking that we are supposed to do it. No, from a biblical point of view, you don't have permission, you don't have access to each other's bodies. Not yet. until it is given to you when you are married. If you start touching each other's bodies, you are doing it illegally. Okay, having defined what sexual purity is all about, so we can see the scope. It's a wide scope. So in order to be sexually pure, our hearts must first and foremost be pure, our minds must be pure, our ways must be pure, our deeds must be pure. Let's move on to prevention. Since it is in the heart, lust is in the heart, it's very clear it is a spiritual battle. Sexual purity is a spiritual battle. So, first and foremost, salvation is a basic requirement in this fight against lust. You need supernatural strength to fight lust and its passions. If you think you're going to fight it just using your own strength, you will be defeated and defeated badly. And a lot of young people who are indulging in sexual impurity, the bulk of them, the reason lies here. There is a salvation problem. There is a salvation problem. So the first place to look when you find yourself continuously struggling with sexual impurity, the first place to look is your relationship with God. So you need to be saved in order to fight this spiritual battle. Titus chapter 2 verse 11 and 12. For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say no to ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled upright and godly lives in this present age. Number one, salvation. We must check our salvation. Number two, if we are saved, sanctification. By sanctification we mean continuous Christian growth and maturity. Psalm 119 verse 9, how can a young man keep his way pure? Answer, by guarding it according to your word. So sexual lust, lust is going to be overcome. When we lead our lives according to God's Word, when we are growing according to God's Word, 2 Timothy 2.22, so flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. So those of us who are Christians and going into courtship or in courtship, we must nature our Christian lives both privately and corporately. But thirdly, because it is a spiritual battle, you must ensure that you make the right choices when choosing your partner. So choose the right partner. Choose one with a clear-cut Christian principles. Choose one who will deliver you from temptation and not lead you into temptation. Many young people have lost the battle to sexual purity at this point. Remember that bad company can take the form of a life partner. You can choose a life partner who is bad company and they will ruin your morals. Again, I remember when we were younger, one of our friends, he was in courtship and he was explaining to us what happens in courtship. And he was just praising his fiancée, the lady he was courting, that she was very spiritual and very responsible. So he told us that sometimes when my hands stray and I want to start touching her body, she just gives me a good slap. And then she says, fear God. Those are the partners you need. They will deliver you from temptation and not lead you into temptation. But having sorted out the spiritual, this fight against impurity is a broad one. And so we need to understand a number of other things. And let me give you some of the things we need to be armed with in order to win this battle against sexual impurity. We must understand the nature of courtship. we must understand the nature of courtship. That courtship is not the same as marriage. Courtship is not marriage. Let's compare the two using this small table. Let's compare the two. Courtship is voluntary and Non-binding, two adults, male and female, agree to commit themselves to each other to develop their relationship and prepare for marriage. On the other hand, marriage is a lifelong relationship between two adults, male and female, entered into volatility, but binding under both civic and biblical law. Courtship, either or both of the parties involved can terminate the courtship. Marriage, on the other hand, is meant to be lifelong, and under normal circumstances, neither of the parties has got the power to terminate it. Courtship, the conduct of the two, is guided by the general biblical commands of male and female relations. There are no special laws for courtship. For example, it is still a sin for partners to look at each other lustfully. So you cannot say, but she's my partner. You are not married yet, so you are still sinning if you look at each other lustfully. Sex between the two is still forbidden, just like any physical intimacy, as we have said. Marriage, there are definite biblical commands relating to individual's obligations and conduct of husband, wife, and children. Courtship, it is an open relationship. subject to be changed through the counsel of parents, friends, church elders, etc. The two are under tutorship, similar to a period of exam preparation. It is time for maximum consultation, like when you are preparing for exams. On the other hand, marriage is an independent and exclusive, say, closed relationship. There is minimum consultation with the outside, and this by mutual consent by the two. This is comparable to the actual exam. Not even parents can just walk in to issue directives to the couple. People can be sued for marriage interference. Number five. We already stated this under courtship, the two have got no authority over each other's lives and bodies. So when you are courtship, don't start saying, your money, when you bring it to me, when you get paid, bring your salary to me. You've got no authority to do such things. In marriage, the two have authority over each other's lives and bodies, as we have already seen in 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 4. So, in short, there's a very big difference between courtship and marriage. And we are going to state, don't behave as if you're already married. If you're going to maintain sexual purity, remember that courtship is not marriage. So, don't behave as if you are already married. And I think we'll see a few examples later on. The other thing that we, in maintaining sexual purity, we also need to understand what is influencing sexual behavior in the world today. We belong to a wider society, a community, the world. We are in the world, and the world around us has got certain belief systems with respect to sex and sexual behavior. So what is influencing sexual behavior in the world today? Something that happened from 1960 to 1980, commonly referred to as the sexual revolution, is influencing sexual behavior today. This revolution from 1960 to 1980 was a worldwide rebellion against conservative sexual behavior. Before 1960, whether you were a Christian or not, the belief about sex and the conduct, the sexual behavior, was greatly influenced by the church, by the teachings of the church. And so people feared to divorce, and they feared to be promiscuous, they feared to homosexuality, because the church's teaching was influencing society. But that came to an end during this revolution, because the world rebelled. They started to say, we don't believe in your God, so we don't want this God or the church to be influencing us, to be telling us how we must behave. Leave us alone. We don't want our parents to be telling us how to behave. Leave us alone. We don't want the state to be telling us how to behave, especially to express ourselves sexually. Don't make rules for us. So the world rebelled. There was a massive rebellion. You can read about it anywhere. Google sexual revolution, sexual rebellion. It's a documented fact that happened in the world. And that changed sexual behavior of the world. How? They were rebelled against being controlled sexually. So some of the biblical doctrines which were rebelled against includes obedience to parents. Said, no, we don't need to obey parents. It's my life, so let me decide. Parents should not decide for me. So sanctity of marriage and sex. God teaches us that marriage and sex should be respected, but they rebelled against the sanctity of marriage and sex. They rebelled against moral behavior and opted for immoral behavior. So if I want to cohabit, leave me alone. If I just want to have sex outside marriage, leave me alone. It's my life. And similar with adultery. So they rebelled against the teachings of the Bible on morality. They rebelled against saying that you must not divorce once you're married. They simply said, if I want to divorce, leave me alone. They rebelled against nudity. The Bible tells us we must cover up and that we must not expose our bodies indiscriminately, inappropriately, but we must cover up. They rebelled and said, if I want to expose my body, it's my body. Leave me alone. So they rebelled against teachings on nudity. They rebelled against biblical teachings on homosexuality. And they said, if I want to marry my fellow man, beard to beard, leave us alone. Leave us alone. So they rebelled against the biblical teaching on homosexuality. They rebelled against preventing the use of obscene speech. It's like, let me express myself. If I want to insult, let me express myself freely. Leave me alone. Issues of abortion, they rebelled against the teaching that abortion is murder. You are killing the unborn child. They said, no, if you want to abort, leave us alone. So the sexual revolution, now the thing I want us to bear in mind is this sexual revolution was successful. In other words, those who rebelled, the world was successful. They won. Now, why am I saying that? I'm saying that because it means that The teachings of the belief system of the sexual revolution is what is now governing the world's view of sex and sexual behavior. Let's look at this propagation. This sexual revolution has affected, for example, the film industry. Now, most of the films that are being made now The message behind most of the films belonged to the sexual revolution, the belief system. The belief system belongs to, is that of the sexual revolution. It affected the music industry. You must, I don't know, those of us who are older must have noticed a clear-cut change in the way our musicians used to behave in the past and the way they are behaving now. There is this fight, it's like society saying it's too much. Our musicians, their music is full of insults. Their music videos are full of nudity and crude dances. Now, and even when society protests, they are not changing because the whole world has accepted that it is normal, that leave us alone to express ourselves. And so it affected the music industry. It affected the fashion and design industry. As a result of the sexual revolution, the fashion and design industry now seeks to exploit the female body. And now we have what I normally refer to as sexy clothes. Everything must make you look sexy. So sex, you must be packaged in a certain way that you are sexually appealing. Like we are going to see, sex has become a toy, a commercial toy and a business toy. The publishing industry has been affected by the sexual revolution. The magazines and books that are written, most of them are affected by the sexual revolution. The entertainment world, including the sports world, has been affected by the view of sex propagated by the sexual revolution. There was one Olympics where they realized that the girls' table tennis, not many people were watching the girls' table tennis sports in the Olympics. And then one of the organizers said, what should we do? Give them shorter shorts. And that's in the public domain. Give them shorter shorts, and we are going to have more people coming to watch. But it is the thinking that is even in the sports world has been affected. The business world, sex is freely used to sell. It's freely used to sell different products. So even if it's a BMW, oh sorry, I should have put this lid on silence. So even if it is a BMW that is being marketed, just next to BMW is a woman, very scantily dressed. What's the connection? BMW. But it is the abuse of sex. In all the above, sex is treated as a toy for entertainment and nudity is worshipped. Now, why do we need to understand that? Because what the world believes and the way the world conducts itself is bringing massive pressure on the Christians seeking purity, unlike in the olden days, before all these things started, before the world rebelled against conservative behavior. I remember one pastor talking to young people. He was an old man, and he said something like, your generation, the pressure you're under is far much, much greater than we experienced when we're growing up. And this is reality. Because now, sex is everywhere. It has been liberalized. It's no longer something that is sacred and just reserved in the corner of marriage. It is everywhere. sex and sexual behavior, sexually provocative behavior is everywhere. You wake up, you go outside, you meet sexually provocative behavior. You turn on your television, sexually provocative behavior. You get out your phone, Facebook, whatever it is, sexually provocative behavior. Wherever you turn, sexually provocative behavior. And so the pressure is on the Christian who wants to maintain purity. And we dare not ignore this pressure. Because many, it has claimed many victims even amongst Christians. Because if we fail to manage this pressure from the world, it will get us. And that's the trick that the devil is using. It will get us. Matters arising from the sexual revolution, As far as the world is concerned, sex is now a tool for both entertainment and commercial purposes. It is no longer sacred and reserved only for marriage. Anyone can and should use it as they please. Hence the slogan, it is my life, it is my choice. But God, on the other hand, has not changed this law with respect to sex. He still, as before, commands human beings to use sex as he intended it to be used. He will still bring to judgment all who practice sexual impurity. Hence the need for all of us to maintain sexual purity. But let's move away from the influence of the sexual revolution. But just keep it at the back of your mind. We might come back to it. The other thing that we need to understand in maintaining sexual purity is just our biological makeups. We need to understand our sexual biology. Reason being that sex or sexual conduct is governed by basically two laws. It's governed by spiritual laws, but it is also governed by biological laws. Many Christians who understood the spiritual have still fallen prey to the biological. Now, when you hear that so-and-so has committed sexual immorality, didn't they know that it was a sin they were committing? They knew, but they still ended up doing it. Weren't they sincere in their belief in God that God didn't want to do it? Most of them were, but they still get overcome by the biological aspect because they didn't budget for it. They didn't understand their own bodies. So let's do a bit of understanding our own bodies, how they function sexually. And so here's some basic sex education. I hope there's no one who is underage. You all brought yourselves to this seminar, so I believe we are all adults. So some basic sex education. Males and females were created completely different in the way they function sexually. And if you don't understand that, if you don't understand how you function sexually, and you don't understand how your partner functions sexually, the battle is as good as lost. Because you're going to fall victim just to sheer biology. So, men are more susceptible to look lustfully at women. Hence Matthew 5, 28 is directed at men. Anyone who looks lustfully at a woman. The Lord Jesus Christ is targeting men because men are more prone in their makeup to look. We're going to see just that now. Women are more susceptible to overexpose their bodies to men in seeking to be attractive or to be loved. Hence, 1 Timothy 2, 9-10 which talks about dressing in an appropriate manner and that is targeted at the women because they are the ones who are more prone to exposing their bodies to men. So let's look at what is it that arouses men sexually. If you just draw two lines, the women, the top of your breasts, draw a line, and where your knees are, draw a line. When the males see any part that is between those two lines exposed, it can trigger sexual desires in men. I'll say that again. Just that region, just that region. Any part in that region, if it is exposed to the male eye, it can begin to trigger the sexual arousal process. Let's look at the path to sexual arousal for males. The sexually attractive part of the female body, we have already said, lies between the top part of the breasts and the knees. Males may be sexually provoked by seeing this part of the female body completely naked or seeing the form or shape of this part distinctly brought out. I don't know whether that makes sense. It does. OK, it does. OK. or seen any of the parts in this region exposed. Sight for males is a primary trigger. Relations, in terms of sexual behavior, relations can play no or very little role in the arousal. A man does not need to know you or even to love you to be sexually attracted to you. They just need to see your body exposed. It doesn't matter who you are. But if your body is exposed, it doesn't matter whether they don't know you. There's no relationship between you and them. The trigger just triggers and the sexual arousal begins. But look at the females. Females are normally sexually aroused by hearing romantic words from or being touched by a male person, they may have first come to appreciate or admire. So normally, females are sexually aroused by hearing romantic words or being touched by a male person, not just any male person, but someone they are already admiring. They can also be sexually aroused by sight, but this will normally involve someone they already admire. Sight is therefore a secondary trigger in the females. It is primary trigger in the males. Primary for the females is words, romantic words and touch from someone they admire. For females, ordinarily, relations are cardinal. They're important in their getting sexually attracted. Although, we must say, this has been compromised by the highly sexed up world we live in. And so, this is the influence of the sexual revolution. Some of the normal behavior, natural behavior, has even been distorted as a result. Males are sexually aroused by seeing the form of the female body. Now to emphasize this, it does not matter whether what the male is seeing in the three cases above is a real person, a photo, a dummy, or a graven statue. The male brain will interpret the information in very much the same way. Serious, eh? The following cases will be interpreted in more or less the same way by the male brain. Based on this biological makeup of males, and we emphasize in just seeing the form and not necessarily the flesh and blood, the first person there is putting on what is known as a short skirt and a hipster. And then in the second case, it's what? Legging. Legging. No, no, no. No, you're right. I meant to say legging. Legging. Legging. No, it is a legging. Okay. Okay. It is, it is a legging. Now, but the point is, the male brain, the first and the second is interpreted more or less the same. Ladies, that's why there's usually an outcry about women wearing very tight, skin-tight clothes. It's because the male brain interprets the form. It picks the form, the shape of the female body. And just that shape begins to cause problems. I'm still building up. Males can be sexually aroused by looking at non-living forms of the female body, for example. All these non-living. So the males, again, we are talking about the form, what the male brain picks is the form of the female body. There's a true story attached to that snow sculpture in the USA. The neighbor made that sculpture out of snow, and his neighbor called 911. to say that my neighbor has made this female, it was naked at first, like on the right, says my neighbor has made this female body out of snow and I'm being affected. So the police came and instructed the neighbor to cover it up. That's how it ended up covered. So that's a true story. I'll tell you another true story about dummies, these shop dummies. When we took this teaching at our church, some ladies didn't believe it. They said, just looking at a non-living dummy, someone can be affected. Now that's one of the ladies who did not believe that. One time happened to be in town and there were a lot of taxi drivers next to a shop which sells clothes and there were these dummies. So whatever they were doing, They removed the clothes from one of the camels. And these taxi drivers could see. And then they all screamed, COVID, COVID, you're affecting us. Then she remembered what her pastor had taught and she came running and said, I proved it. What do you say? But that's, that's the male function. That's how, that's how the male mind sexually functions. It picks the form of the female body. Is it a wonder that pornography is rife amongst men and not women? And it's just pictures. Just pictures. But people are getting sexually aroused. Just pictures. Because of the same thing we're trying to explain. So we need to understand that. Having said that, lust is appealing to the flesh, like that fruit was appealing to Eve. So, because lust is appealing, we must put self-guards in place. We must avoid the Simon Peter approach. What is the Simon Peter approach? Simon Peter, when Jesus told him, you're going to deny me three times. What did Simon Peter say? Even if all these do it, I can't, I won't. Now, when approaching sexual purity, We might have been brought up in such a way that we don't even think of misbehaving. And we are saying, I can't do such a thing. That is what we are calling the Simon Peter approach. If you go into courtship with the Simon Peter approach, you will be disappointed. What Simon Peter didn't realize was he was going to face forces and temptations which he has never faced before. If you're going, when you're going into courtship, you might find yourself in a situation which you have never faced before. So better just get ready instead of saying, I can't do it. So for the men, put safeguards in place. Men, accept and understand your sexual biological makeup and budget for it. Budget for it by making a covenant with your eyes. Men, our eyes are the biggest problem because that's where the trigger is. Job knew that, and here is what he tells us, Job 31 and verse 1, I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl. He made a covenant, something very, very deliberate. Mind the things that you watch, whether it is on your phone, computers, iPad, television, and so on. Identify the route lust uses to gain entrance into your heart. In our time, when I was growing up, it was very difficult to find pornographic material. Because at that time there were no cell phones, very few TVs, no laptops, no what. So pornographic material used to come in form of a magazine. Magazines containing naked pictures of women. And those magazines, only few of the big boys had them. Those were advanced in wickedness. So you had to organize from them to at least get that material. But even when you got it, when you took it home, it was very difficult to hide. And if your parents find it, war to you. So it was very, very difficult. But now, Pornography is just a click away. Pornography is just a click away. All these gadgets, you just need to click and it's there. So men, the task is harder. But mind the things you watch. Guard against the places you go to. shopping malls, swimming pools, going for certain functions, where you know very well that at that place you're going to find women who are scantily dressed, poorly dressed. Some brethren in South Africa, men, have even stopped going to mosques, especially over the weekends. They told me that, I know, the way people expose themselves to those mosques is not helpful. Mind the company which you keep. Remember, do not be deceived. Bad company ruins good morals. And in your courtship, keep your hands to yourself. Do not touch her carelessly. The ladies. Each commandment has a flip side. Jesus said, don't look at a woman lustfully to the men. But that has got a flip side. God does not only hate the sin, but the source of the temptation to commit the sin. Luke 17 1-2 And he said to his disciples, Temptations to sin are sure to come, but woe to the one through whom they come. It would be better for him if a milestone were hung around his neck, and he were cast into the sea, than that he should cause one of these little ones to sin. Ladies, accept your biological makeup and the implications. Accept that your body was created. God put a sex biology within you which needs to be covered and reserved for marriage. So your sexual makeup is such that your body can arouse sexual feelings in men. It brings a responsibility on you. I hope that makes sense. how you expose your body to me. You are responsible on how you expose or you cover up your body. Romans 14, 13. Therefore, let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your minds not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. So there's a big responsibility. Ladies, your body, is the subject of the ayahs. The ayahs. Lasting. Men last after women's bodies. So you've got a responsibility that the way you carry yourselves, do not make yourself last-table. I've just created that word. I hope the English can... So do not make yourself last-table. It is fashionable in the world, in the secular world, for women to make themselves last-table. In other words, the glory in it when men go after them and lust after them. But it cannot be so with you who claims to be a child of God. Do not make yourself lustful. Do not be careless by overly exposing your body to your partner by, for example, sitting carelessly or when he comes to your home, you are just wearing a towel, moving about, going to the bathroom just in a towel. You are changing clothes with the door not fully closed. Just being careless, exposing your body to him. Do not behave like Bathsheba, who did not think through her choice of bathroom. Surely didn't she know that here people on the rooftops can see me. She should have chosen another bathroom. We are not excusing David for what he did, 100% guilty. But Bathsheba also should have chosen a better bathroom. So do not be like Bathsheba. Do not behave like Bathsheba. How about the type of attire, the type of clothes you choose to wear? If you're a Christian, 1 Timothy chapter 2 verse 9 to 10 gives clear directives to Christian women to be modest and to dress appropriately. And the reason is simple. It's because the Bible, God knows very well the sex biology he put in us as human beings. So, dear lady, think through your dressing. Remember that simple diagram under sex education. And remember the pressure that is coming from the sexual revolution. Because the bulk of the clothes, women clothes, are actually designed and made popular by the world. The world's approach. or by the world. So approach with caution before accepting and choosing any fashion. Ask the question, why was this made like this? What is it meant to do to my body? Being attractive is a natural desire for our ladies, but differentiate this from being sexy or sexually attractive. Are women supposed to be attractive? Yes. Are women supposed to be sexually attractive? No. The only time the answer will be yes will be to your husband. But to the rest of the men, you are not required to be sexually attractive. It's the opposite in the world. They just want to arouse sexual feelings in everyone, in the streets, at the workplace. So it's a fashion. It's a fashion. They feel great when they provoke these feelings in men. Not so for the Christian woman. Do not allow him, your fiancé, to pass comments of a sexual nature or to touch you in wrong places. Contrary to popular belief, you are not showing him love by allowing him to touch your body. You are simply leading him into temptation. You are not showing him love by allowing him to kiss you, for example. You are just leading him into temptation. Mind what you feed your mind on. Those soaps or romantic movies you watch and the magazines you read will only tend to make you weak sexually. Because again, the way they portray sex and sexual behavior. For both of you, be sure you believe the same things with your partner with respect to sexual purity. Discuss exhaustively and never assume. Don't just look at this face and think that they're thinking the right things. Discuss exhaustively and agree that we're going to follow the path of sexual purity in our courtship. Conduct an open and not closed relationship. This is not the time to be exclusive. Operate under the tutorship of a married couple because you need to be accountable to someone. So it's not time to be just the two of you. It is time to mingle with marrieds and even other courting couples. Remember, you are not married yet. Do not spend prolonged periods of time at each other's homes. Do not stay for supper. I'll tell you another true story. Right now, in our church, we've got two young people. Okay, the man is our member. He's on church discipline because he impregnated his girlfriend. He impregnated his girlfriend because he had gone out of town and came back in the evening. Instead of going home to his apartment, he went to his girlfriend's apartment for supper. And as he was waiting for the supper, He decided to rest and take a nap in the spare bedroom. And as she was waiting for the food to cook, she joined him on the bed and they started chatting. I will not finish the story, but it's on church discipline now. That's how the story ends, it's on church discipline. So do not stay for supper. You are not yet married. You enjoy those facilities when you get married. Do not stay for supper. You must have a knocking off time in your relationship. 17 hours or so. Okay, bye bye. Back home. Do not stay. into the evening. Worse still, if you stay in different towns, do not go and spend the night at his or her home, even if you intend to sleep in different bedrooms. I never used to think this was possible. People would do such a stupid thing. And being on this earth for so many years, I discovered that the young people do such things. The girlfriend or boyfriend comes from another town, and they've got an apartment. They're staying alone. They say, no, You can come and sleep at my place. We just use different bedrooms. Very foolish. It's foolish from two points of view. You put yourself under temptation. But what do you think the people, the non-believers, the whole community is thinking when they see... Because them, they will not know that you slept in different bedrooms. They will simply conclude for you, finish the story for you. But very foolish. Once more, avoid physical intimacy of any sort. You do not have permission to do so yet. Only when you are married is that permission going to be given to you. Do not unnecessarily delay marriage when you are already ready to get married. And again, this is, seriously, again, this is the sad story with the same young people who are on church discipline. They were ready. Completely ready. The man has a job and an apartment. The lady has a very good job and an apartment. They were ready. They should have just told us that marry us. They were ready. What were they waiting for? No, first let me do a bit of this. Let me first buy a sofa. Let me first do stage two of stage one of this course. You are ready. It is time to get married. Get married and sort out the rest later. Maintain vibrant and active Christian lives and you should maintain Christian purity. Let me end with the consequences. We have gone at length to see how we can prevent impurity in our courtship. It's because there are consequences if we indulge in sexual impurity. There are dangers, there are consequences. Sexual immorality can keep you away from salvation if you're not yet a Christian. That's why Christ warned in Matthew 5, 29-30 that anyone who looks lustfully has already committed adultery and it is better if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out and your hand, chop it off and then he ends by saying it is better to go into heaven with one eye and not to be cast into hell. Immorality can keep us from heaven if we're not yet Christians. If you're a Christian, immoral behavior can retard your sanctification, your Christian growth, and it can induce guilty feelings in you. It can bring loss of integrity and loss of honor. Proverbs 6, 32, he who commits adultery lacks sense. He who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. It can physically harm you. You can get a disease, for example. But it can also harm your marriage life, your sex life in marriage. A lot of people who indulge when they're in courtship have problems when they get married. Obviously, this is not the forum to go into those details. It can harm the people around you. Temptation to kill the unborn child can lead to broken relationships, the church discipline. Like Adam and Eve, it will harm your relationship. Adam and Eve thought that eating of that fruit is going to make them wise, but their world came tumbling down. It is actually the testimony of many young people who indulge that their relationship actually just sometimes just comes to an end or they have great difficulties thereafter. So it will actually harm your relationship. It will not build your relationship. It kills the spirit of worship like termites eating away the root system of a crop because it fosters a guilty conscience. Imagine you've been doing all sorts of things with each other and then in a meeting like this we ask you, can you pray? Stand up and pray. We just show as if people know there's a certain shyness that comes upon you. As if people know there's a guilty conscience and the spirit of worship is killed. It incurs God's judgment. If we insist on an immoral path of immorality, God can simply abandon you and leave you to bear the consequences of your actions as he did with the people in Romans chapter 1. It tells us God gave them up just to indulge their passions and lusts. He just gave them up. David did not escape God's punishment when he committed adultery. Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed on account of their immorality. The Israelites in 1 Corinthians 10, 8, we must not indulge in sexual immorality as some of them did, and 23,000 fell in a single day. God judged them very badly. Ephesians 5, 5-6, 4, you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous, that is an idolater, has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience. The world thinks it's a joke to play around with sex and to make it into a toy of entertainment, but God will still bring every immoral act into judgment. I'm aware that there might be someone here who has already done it. you have fallen and perhaps in your courtship you have already misbehaved or you are misbehaving. You need not continue disobeying God in that way. Or if it's something that happened in the past, you need not continue carrying a guilty conscience. What you need to do is to own up, get your church leaders and pour out your heart that this is what happened in my courtship. What we've noticed is a lot of young people who indulge want to hide. The Bible says, he who conceals their sins will not prosper. Take God seriously. If you've indulged or you're indulging, own up, stop hiding. Go to your pastor, go to your elders and say, this we've messed up, help us. Our church leaders are there not to judge us, but to help us. And repentance is the surest way of restoration. Only do not hide your sin if you have already fallen. May the Lord help all of us concerning this matter.