Well, good morning or good afternoon, good evening, depending on where you are. I know we have people from all over the world who are joining us here, and it's my privilege to be a part of the Reform Family Conference once again. And it's also my privilege to address this topic. People have often asked me which of my books that I've written is my favorite book, and I've responded, that's like asking someone which is their favorite child. I can't answer that, but I can tell you what my favorite title is, and my favorite title is this one, What He Must Be If He Wants to Marry My Daughter. And it's interesting, a lot of people ask me about this book, and when people ask me about this book, Most of the time they get the title wrong The majority of the time I would say 60 70 percent of the time when somebody's saying hey, do you have that one book? And they're referring to this book that get the title wrong and they get it wrong in one of two ways they either say what he needs to be or if he wants to marry my daughter or what he should be if he wants to marry my daughter. And that may seem like a small distinction, but it's not a small distinction at all. If the title was what he needs to be or what he should be, then we would be talking about my preferences or perhaps my daughter's preferences. That's not the title of the book. The title is what he must be. Because we're not talking about preferences here. We're talking about biblical commands. We're talking about biblical norms. Let me be clear. We're talking about God's requirement for Christian people as it relates to marriage. And we're talking about God's requirements in three different directions. One, we're talking about God's requirements from a parental direction. Two, we're talking about God's requirement from the perspective of a woman who is seeking a husband, and God's requirement from the perspective of a man who is seeking to be a husband. This is controversial, and it's becoming more controversial every day. It's interesting that, you know, book that was written, you know, many, many years ago, somewhere, you know, a decade or so ago, is becoming more and more controversial as it ages. And I'll explain why that is the case. But before I do that, let me talk about why this is becoming more and more relevant and necessary. There are several things that have happened culture-wide. And when I say culture-wide, I'm not talking about here in Zambia or in the US. I'm talking about worldwide. There are a number of things that have happened that have transformed the way we look at marriage and the way we think about marriage and the way we think about preparing for marriage. There are four in particular. One is that we separated sex from childbearing. This happened with the contraceptive revolution. We separated sex from childbearing. Suddenly, we didn't have to think about sexual relationships in terms of the possibility or likelihood of pregnancy. And that transformed the way we thought about sex. Secondly, it allowed us to separate sex from marriage. So first you separate sex from childbearing. And then what separating sex from childbearing does is not only gives you a more casual attitude towards sex, but then it also allows you to separate sex from marriage. And so there is this explosion in the 1960s and 70s that is referred to as the sexual revolution. Again, contraceptives allow us to separate sex from childbearing, and then that allows us to separate sex from marriage. Because when sex is connected to childbearing, you're usually connected to marriage so that a woman is protected and that her children are protected should she become pregnant. So that there's a commitment from a man to be there for the inevitable consequences of the sexual relationship. But if you separate sex from childbearing and then separate sex from marriage, you don't have to think about that anymore. Thirdly, we were able to separate childbearing from marriage. It's amazing when a young couple says that they are going to get married, one of the first questions that they deal with as they move closer to marriage is, have you guys thought about children? That was unthinkable before we separated sex from childbearing and then separated sex from marriage. But the contraceptive revolution And the sexual revolution have now led us to a place where couples enter into marriage and having children is either not a thought or is a distant thought. We'll get around to that. Again, not possible before the contraceptive revolution and the sexual revolution. And then thirdly, We've removed parenting from marriage. We've removed parenting from marriage. What do I mean by that? Well, no longer do we look at marriage from a communal perspective. No longer do we look at marriage in terms of two families coming together. We look at it almost exclusively in terms of two people coming together. No longer do we look at marriage and the courtship that leads to marriage as something that has any sort of parental involvement. Because after all, Young people are now out there in the world engaging in sex that has nothing to do with childbearing, in sex that has nothing to do with marriage, and now entering into marriages that have nothing to do with childbearing either. This has also transformed what young people are looking for in terms of a marriage partner. Young men are now looking for a willing sexual partner who will not require them to grow up and take responsibility or to assume leadership. Why do you need to? If childbearing is something that is not even part of the equation, or something that you may talk about later on, a young man can enter into marriage without being mature enough or ready to be a father. He can still be a child who hasn't grown up. And all he needs is a willing sexual partner. who will commit to him exclusively. No requirement for maturity, no requirement for leadership. Young women have transformed their expectations as well. Young women are not out looking for a man with the potential to be a father to their children, because again, we've removed that from the equation. It's something that we'll perhaps think about later. And so now, They're looking for men who will be their buddies, a man who will be their BFF, a man who will be a male version of their female friends. And because of this transformation and what young women are expecting and demanding, There has been a transformation in what is being required of young men. And anyone who deals with young men and young women who are moving toward marriage has seen this. Anyone who engages in pastoral counseling with young couples who are about to be married has seen this. Anyone who's been married for a while and is looking at this coming generation and how they approach marriage has seen this, especially in terms of the absolute lack of maturity and responsibility on the part of young men who have been accepted by young women as marriage partners. It's sad. And so now we come to our subject. This idea of what he must be if he wants to marry my daughter. And again, not what he should be or what he needs to be. You see, I believe people get the title of this book wrong because they're looking at it through the contemporary cultural lens. You see, if a young woman is just looking for a male version of her female friends, then why do you need biblical requirements for that? You just need a few preferences. I like this. I don't like that. I like funny. I like, you know, emotionally, you know, engaged, whatever. But you don't have to start thinking about ironclad standards for a man if all he's going to be is a male version of your female BFF. But when you attach Sex to childbearing. Childbearing to marriage. Now, all of a sudden, what you're looking for changes. And again, we're talking about Christians here, because now the Christian is not just looking for a companion. The Christian woman is now actually looking for someone who will be, among other things, a father to her children. Now you go from what he needs to be and what he should be to what he must be. Do you see how that changes things? Now, as we get into this, I'm making some assumptions that are controversial. Two in particular that are controversial. I'll explain why they're controversial. Number one, I'm assuming parental duty and responsibility. That's controversial. And I don't say that just from a cultural perspective. Living here in Zambia, I remember we came several years ago, the year before we moved, so it would have been 2014. And my oldest daughter had not yet married my now son-in-law. And we came. me, Bridget, the seven youngest children. And we brought our then future son-in-law with us. And it was quite controversial. And of course, we didn't understand that. But we were later informed that's just not something that's done in the Zambian context. The relationship between a young man and future father-in-law like that is just not something that is done. So I'm not saying that it's controversial from the standpoint of me as an American living in another context. I'm saying it's controversial in that regardless of what culture you're a part of, and regardless of how that culture has traditionally approached marriage, It is now controversial to talk about any kind of parental duty and obligation as it relates to marriage, partly because of what we just talked about. If young people are out there engaging in deepening sexual relationships, and folks, this is happening in the church. It's happening in the church. Young Christians who are growing up in this culture are more and more frequently engaging in sexual relationships before they end up getting married. And here's what's interesting. This is what it does for young Christians. For the young non-Christian who's out there, and if you have not been attached to or around young people for a while, if you have not seen what culture has done and how culture has transformed among young people, then you probably don't know that having sex with someone among today's young people, that 18 to 24 year old crowd, having sex with someone is completely informal. It's probably a little bit more formal than giving somebody your phone number. It has that little meaning. And if you spend any time watching movies or television today, let me give you a clue. You might think that that's an overstatement. What I just said is an overstatement. But here's what happens. Think about movies that you've seen, romantic comedies or anything like that that you've seen, television series that you watch, and here's something that's very common. There'll be a man and a woman who have a sexual relationship, but all of a sudden that big moment will come. And the big moment is not having sex with one another, but it's when somebody uses the L word. People who've been having sex together for months, all of a sudden she's all a flutter. He said it. Again, catch this. We used to refer to a sexual relationship as making love. It doesn't mean that anymore. Now it's commonplace and meaningless for people out there in the world. Now you come into the church. where young Christians don't have that casual attitude towards sex. And they are being raised with a biblical understanding of purity to at least some extent. And they end up in a sexual relationship with someone. Here's the difference between those inside the church and those outside the church. Those outside the church, when they end up in a sexual relationship with someone, they wipe their hands of it and they just go to the next partner. But when a Christian who's out there in that culture, falls into the culture's thinking and is sucked into the culture's thinking and engages in a sexual relationship, then they immediately assume this is the person I'm supposed to get married to. I want you to see the problem here. Again, there's a sin problem here. Amen? We understand that. We get that, that there's a sin problem here. But here's the other problem that it creates. I've engaged in a sexual relationship with someone. I've deepened my relationship with that person. And I'm now committed to this person becoming my spouse. And I haven't even begun to think about whether or not they're qualified for that position. Then they come to the pastor. to get premarital counseling. Premarital counseling is not, can you counsel me as to whether or not this marriage should go forward? But premarital counseling is, it's a done deal. We're already committed. By the way, I've had a sexual relationship with this person that I'm not going to tell you about, but we're not asking you, should we? We're just saying, will you tick this box? And again, The discussion about whether or not these people are qualified, and particularly whether or not this young man is qualified, hasn't even taken place because sex happened before that question was ever raised. Do you see the difficulty here? So I'm assuming, and again, this is controversial in our day, parental duty and obligation in this regard. Secondly, I'm assuming male headship. I think the question of what he must be is incredibly important for a number of reasons, not least of which is because the role that God calls men to play in marriage and family. A couple of things here about this and then we'll, get into these things. And basically what I'm going to share with you is the four Ps. What he must be. This is part of the book. If you've heard me talk about this, you've heard me talk about the four Ps. And we're going to get to that. That a young man needs to be prepared to be priest, prophet, provider, protector. And I'm going to explain what all of those things are and what it is that we're supposed to be looking for in order to gauge that. But before we get there, we have to recognize that there's opposition to that before we even start. First, there's opposition to the idea that a father would say, here's what a young man must be. Who are you? That's just between them. What does the Bible have to say? Jeremiah chapter 29 and verse 6. Take wives and have sons and daughters. Take wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage that they may bear sons and daughters. Multiply there and do not decrease. Do you notice the phrase there? And this is a phrase used throughout the Old Testament. Take, give. The idea here is that parents give their children in marriage. In fact, we still do it. Even though culturally we have rejected the idea in principle, we still nod to it in the ceremony when the preacher stands up there and says, who gives this woman to be married to this man? Now, culturally, nothing has been done. in most cases, that would justify a father saying, I do. Because he's not giving that young woman, she gave herself to that man a long time ago. And all he's doing is raising his hand and paying the check. But that comes from somewhere. Throughout the Old Testament, there is the idea that we give in marriage. In the New Testament, Luke chapter 20, verses 34 and 35. We also see this in Matthew 22-30, but Jesus says this, the sons of this age marry and are given in marriage, but those who are considered worthy to attain to the age I'm sorry, to that age and to the resurrection from the dead, neither marry nor are given in marriage. So Jesus is comparing the current age and the age to come. And he's saying here, again, in the age to come, there will be no marriage. But he doesn't say in the age to come, there will be no marriage. He says there'll be no marrying or giving in marriage. Why? Because it is assumed that there is a parental obligation and responsibility in marriage, that there is a giving in marriage. Again, it may be controversial, but it's biblical. Culturally, it may work itself out in different ways, in different environments, but it's biblical that parents would protect their children and guide their children in this way. It's been said a number of ways. But I think the best quote on this that I've heard comes from Alistair Begg. Alistair Begg talking about this idea of parents washing their hands of their children and allowing them to just go out and find a mate without any help from their parents. He says, it's amazing to me, just a few years ago, you wouldn't let them pick out their socks by themselves, but now you send them to find a spouse without you? Again, I am not talking about arranged marriages here. Amen? You know me, you know better. I'm not talking about this. I'm not even talking about what that process has to look like. It differs from family to family, from culture to culture, but the principle is that there is a parental obligation. and a role and a part for parents to play. Secondly, I'm assuming male headship. And this is even more controversial and it's becoming more and more controversial every day. I believe the reason that it matters, the reason that it's what he must be and not what he should be or what he needs to be is because of the role that God says men are to play in marriage and in family. If you don't believe that this is controversial, and I'm not just talking about it being controversial out there in the world. You know the word patriarchy is getting a bad rap now out there in the world, but also in the church. Listen to this from the Council on Biblical Equality. Now here's the core values of the Council on Biblical Equality. Number one, scripture is our authoritative guide for faith, life, and practice. Amen. Patriarchy, and then they have in parentheses, male dominance, is not a biblical ideal, but a result of sin. A couple of things have happened there. We'll address it in a moment. Three, patriarchy is an abuse of power. taking from females what God has given them, their dignity and freedom, their leadership, and often their very lives. That's how the Council on Biblical Equality defines patriarchy. By the way, here's the United Nations defining patriarchy. in a recent document, Progress of the World's Women, 2019 to 2020. Patriarchy in its wider definition means the manifestation and institutionalization of male dominance over women and children in the family and the extension of male dominance over women in society in general. Amazing. Sounds like the Council on Biblical Equality is listening to the same people that the UN are listening to, and they are. This definition of patriarchy comes from modern feminist studies. This is part of the social justice movement, if you will. And feminist studies is one of the leading edges, the tip of the spear, in this regard. And so this idea that patriarchy by definition is evil and wicked and abusive is coming straight from there. But we continue. Number four, while the Bible reflects patriarchal culture, the Bible does not teach patriarchy in human relationships. Number five, Christ's redemptive work frees all people from patriarchy, calling women and men to share authority equally in service and leadership. And then for the sake of time, we'll just go on to number eight. Followers of Christ are to oppose injustice and patriarchal teaching. I'm sorry, patriarchal teachings and practices that marginalize and abuse females and males. For the sake of time, we won't go through this point by point, but I'm sure that you can see that there are some issues here. First of all, patriarchy is a historical word with a historical meaning. Webster's Dictionary from 1828, patriarchy, the jurisdiction of a patriarch. In Webster's Dictionary 1913, patriarchy number one, the jurisdiction of a patriarch. Number two, governed by a patriarch. So it's a word that has a meaning. But what feminist studies has done is poured new meaning into the word and then injected the word back into the culture. That new definition of the word has been accepted in the culture and advanced in the culture so that now we are at odds with a historical term. It's not just a historical term though. Go to any biblical encyclopedia and you will see that the term patriarch refers to the first four generations in Israel's line. Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and the sons of Jacob are referred to as the patriarchs. Acts chapter two, verse 29. Brothers, I may say to you with confidence about the patriarch, David, that he both died and was buried. Again, he's our patriarch, David. Hebrews 7.4. See how great this man was to whom Abraham, the patriarch, gave a tenth of his spoils. So patriarchy is not just a historical word that has historical meaning. It is also a biblical term that has biblical meaning. But I'm not here just arguing about terminology. Because this idea of removing patriarchy, patriarchy is about male headship. Remember what I said we did? We removed sex from childbearing, remove childbearing from marriage. And when we did that, we changed what young women look for and what young men, and what was required of young men. And this idea of male headship, is completely irrelevant and useless in the current environment, but not from a biblical perspective. So now let's get into this, these four Ps. Listen to this from George Woodfield in his sermon, The Great Duty of Family Religion. Every governor of a family ought to look upon himself as obliged to act in three capacities, as a prophet to instruct, a priest to pray for and with, and a king to govern, direct, and provide for them. We could go on and on with statements and quotes just like this one throughout the historical period, especially from that particular historical period. People understood that husbands and their headship in their families was a picture of Christ's headship, Christ our prophet, priest, and king. Again, today that's controversial because people take that in this literalistic sense. Well, if you believe that, then you believe that women don't have their own priesthood or children don't have their... Nobody ever meant that. The Puritans never meant that in using this phrase. And the only reason that we object to this phrase is because feminist studies transforms our understanding of the meaning of the word patriarchy. And then that understanding is infused into the culture and even into the church as we accept this definition of patriarchy as being one of dominance, abuse, and it transforms the way we think about male headship in general and so With all that in mind, thinking about this from a historic perspective, these four Ps, priest, prophet, provider, protector, what's our goal here in looking at these four Ps? First, we want to ask ourselves, what does the Bible say about this? Again, this is not what he should be or what he needs to be. This is what he must be. What does the Bible say about all this? Secondly, what does this look like in practice? And thirdly, how can we discern it in the life of a young man? Because the young man is not going to have all of these things together. But this is about teaching our daughters what to look for and teaching our sons what to be. There's a reciprocal function here. It's kind of like in math, you know, we teach kids in math. Well, if two plus three equals five, then three plus two also equals five, amen? And so there's a reciprocal function here as well. If I have a daughter and I'm saying, this is what a young man must be before I'm willing to say, yes, you know, who gives this man, this woman, I do, right? I've vetted this young man. Here's what he must be when I'm vetting him. Then the reciprocal function of that is if I have sons, and I believe that that's required of a young man before he's acceptable as a potential husband, then I'm also saying that this is what I must inculcate in my sons so that they would be qualified to fill that role as well. So this is about what we teach our sons to be and our daughters to look for. But it's not going to be fully formed. Some not about that either. There are a lot of people out there who are looking for, you know, 18 to 24-year-old young men who have proven themselves and meet the requirements that you would expect of a 45-year-old man. And that's absolutely ridiculous. So, let's look at these quickly and then move to some of our questions. First, the husband is a priest. What are we talking about here? The priest represents his people before God. And in the quote that we looked at earlier, this is one who intercedes for and who represents. You know, it's interesting, when we get married, a young woman takes on a young man's name. By the way, this is a picture of male headship. the young woman taking on the young man's name. And so when Bridget and I got married, she took on my name and we became the Bauckham family. That is a picture of my priesthood, if you will, my headship. I am now the representative of this household. And there are people who object to it. And I always laugh, you know, a feminist will say, well, when I get married, I'm not going to take my husband's last name. Oh, Okay, you're just going to keep your father's last name? You still got a man's last name. You just chose one man over another man. It's absolutely ridiculous when we try to fight this in this way. Try to redefine what we've understood from time immemorial. So 1st Peter chapter 3 verse 7 gives us a picture of this spiritual headship. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Again, not dominance over the woman because he's a weaker vessel, honor because she's a weaker vessel, since there are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. It's interesting, me not living with my wife in an understanding way, and this idea here is about our prayers being hindered because of this function of priesthood. This comes from Peter Jones when he was doing the wedding of his daughter and future son-in-law. And I think it's poignant because it captures the idea and just negates the concept that anybody who believes in this somehow is demeaning women. as he's doing the wedding ceremony for his daughter and son-in-law. He says, in our radically egalitarian culture and a church that follows in hot pursuit, David and Eowyn, as the coach would say, keep your positions. You are not, according to Ephesians, interchangeable. David, be a faithful, self-sacrificing priest, not a macho male for your wife. See it as your great calling to nourish her and sanctify her with the word of God so that more and more she will come to resemble her savior, Christ. Eowyn, respect this spiritual role David has. Submit to him as you would to Christ. Be submissive to the word of God as it teaches you with all gentleness the role of wife and mother. I think that captures it. The idea that someone would believe that a husband is called to a position of a priesthood, the idea that that has to mean that somehow we're demeaning women, is completely and utterly farcical. But the Bible is very clear about a man's duty and responsibility. Ephesians is very clear. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. It's very clear that there is a picture here of the relationship between Christ and his bride, the church, and that that headship, this sacrificial headship, is something that we do, not because we think that somehow women are inferior to men, but because we know that the gospel is what's being portrayed here. And the picture of Christ loving his bride is being portrayed here. So what do we look for in a young man? Well, we look for a personal commitment to Christ. A man can't walk in this position. He can't fulfill this first P if he doesn't have a personal commitment to Christ. If he's not a Christian, if he's not born again. Secondly, we look for fruit and Christ-like character. So we're not just talking about somebody who claims to be a Christian, but somebody who bears the fruit of the Spirit. Somebody whose life displays being conformed to the character of Christ. Thirdly, we look for a selfless view of marriage. Not this picture that the culture has painted of an immature boy who wants a sexual partner and no responsibility or duty attached to it. But a man who steps up and says, yes, I'm ready today to be a husband and a father. Not, yeah, I'm ready for, you know, the husband part, but maybe someday I'll be, no, don't get married if you're not ready to be a father. Take the whole thing. Take the whole job. Selflessly. See yourself as something that is bigger than you and your own personal desires, whims and wishes. Man up, grow up. A selfless view of marriage. And fourthly, spirituality. You're looking for a spiritual man, not a carnal man. What about the husband as prophet? What priest represents is people before God. The prophet represents God before his people. The prophet is the one who brings the word of God to his people. Well, does that mean that a woman can't study the word for herself? No. Any more than in Israel, having prophets meant that people couldn't know God for themselves. Again, it's farcical. the way people twist these ideas in light of having accepted an unbiblical view of male headship. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church, gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. This is a prophetic duty. Ephesians 6, 1 through 4, children obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. It's interesting, this comes right after, right after the end of Ephesians 5 where we talk about wives and their duty to their husbands and husbands and their duty to their wives. The very next thing, children obey your parents and the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and your mother. This is the first commandment with a promise that it may go well with you and you may live long in the land. Now, are mothers excluded from this? No, but he uses fathers because of the priestly responsibility, this symbolic headship. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. When a young woman, again, remember what I said, because of the way we've turned these things around, young women today are looking for young men who are just a male version of their female BFF. They're not looking for a father for their children. They're not interested in that. They want a child who hasn't grown up yet and is not even ready to be a father. and they hope that someday maybe he will be. But when you understand that this is part and parcel of the job description, it changes what you look for. So what are we looking for? Number one, clear understanding of the word of God. We're looking for somebody who understands the Bible, knows how to handle the word, Why? How's he gonna wash you in the water of the word if he can't handle the word? If a young lady hasn't found a man who can lead her spiritually, he hasn't found a man who's qualified to be her husband. It amazes me that young women, and almost exclusively it's young women. I cannot remember a time when I had to have a conversation with a young man who was a Christian young man, committed and sold out to Christ, who was bringing some young woman around, and he's talking about potentially marrying her, and she's not even a Christian. I just, that almost never happens. Almost always when it happens, it's a young woman who says she's committed to Christ, but has entered into a relationship with a young man who is not a Christian, or who barely shows any evidence of being a Christian. And again, we don't even have to run to do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers in order to deal with this. All we need to do is go here. How's he gonna wash you with the water of the Word? How's he gonna do that? How's he gonna be priest and prophet? How's he gonna do that? Because five or 10 years from now, here's what's gonna happen. You're gonna come running to church, tears streaming down your face. He just doesn't lead us spiritually, and he doesn't read the Bible, and he doesn't wanna come to church half the time, and we're trying to get the kid. It's what you asked for. Because you thought about what he should be or what he needs to be and not what he must be. It's because you believed the culture and looked for somebody who could be a male version of your female BFF instead of looking for somebody who could be priest and prophet and who could lead spiritually. But the Bible's clear that that's what he's called to do. Clear understanding of the word of God, a well-developed theology. Again, this guy doesn't have to be a theologian, but he needs to know what he believes and why he believes it. Needs to have the ability to communicate and defend what he believes. He needs to be a man of conviction, and he needs to have a teachable spirit. Finally, provider, the last P. This is the third p, sorry. So the priest represents his people before God, the prophet represents God before his people, the priest is the intercessor, the prophet is the teacher, now is the provider. What does the provider do? The provider makes sure that his people have everything that they need. First Timothy 5.8, I love this verse. But if anyone does not provide for his relatives and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. By the way, this is in a discussion about widows being provided for. So this is not talking about a man taking care of his wife and children. It's about a man taking care of his widowed mother. Taking care of his wife and children is a given. First Timothy 5, 11 to 14. Again, before that, this discussion about widows. But refuse to enroll younger widows. This is about them being on the roll of the church, being taken care of as widows. Refuse to enroll younger widows, for their passions draw them away from Christ. They desire to marry and so incur condemnation for having abandoned their former faith. Besides that, they learn to be idlers. going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies saying what they should not. So don't enroll the young widow to be provided for by the church. Well, wait a minute, how's she going to be provided for? Next verse. So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their household. Notice, marriage and bearing children right there together. It's an assumption that they go together. marry, bear children, manage their household, and give the adversary no occasion for slander. What's the context? How are young widows to be provided for? The answer, a husband. Because it's a husband's duty to provide for his family. Not my opinion. I don't write the mail, I just deliver it. This is not what he should be or what he needs to be. This is, according to the Bible, what he must be. So what does this mean? Well, he must have a job. And secondly, he must have a work ethic. Again, the Bible is replete. But let's just look at a few things here. 1 Thessalonians 4 10-12 But we urge you, brethren, to excel still more, and to make it your ambition to lead a quiet life and attend to your own business and work with your hands, just as we commended you. that you will behave properly towards outsiders and not be in any need. Proverbs 6, go to the ant you sluggard. Again, this is talking about your work ethic. We don't want to be a sluggard. A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands and poverty will come on you like a robber. Colossians 3, 22 to 24, whatever you do, work heartily as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You're serving Christ. Again, this is our attitude towards work. And of course, we see later in 2 Thessalonians 3, if a man is not willing to work, don't let him eat. So a job, a work ethic, a readiness and willingness to accept the responsibility of marriage and parenting. Ready, right here, right now, to put this on my shoulders and go. Now, finally, protector. The priest represents his people before God. The prophet represents God before his people. The provider sees to it that his people have what they need, and the protector places himself between his people and anything or anyone that would do them harm. Nehemiah 4.14, and I looked and I cried, I'm sorry, and I looked and arose and said to the nobles and to the officials and to the rest of the people, do not be afraid of them. Remember the Lord who is great and awesome and fight for your brothers, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and your homes. Notice anything missing there? Husbands and fathers. Why? Because he's talking to husbands and fathers about standing up and being the protectors of their wives and their children and their homes. This is their duty. Again, 1 Peter chapter 3, we already looked at with this idea of women as the weaker vessels who are protected and cherished and cared for. What do we look for in the protector? because our time is drawing an eye here. Number one, he must be a man of personal strength. He must be a man of personal strength. Notice I didn't say physical strength. That's not the point here. We're not talking about somebody who's a brawler, but a man of personal strength, who is willing to put himself between his people and anyone or anything that would do them harm. Secondly, he must be a man of wisdom and not a fool, because if he's a fool, he'll bring trouble. He'll bring trouble. The fool is the one who needs the personal strength because he doesn't have sense enough to get out of physical altercations. He needs to be wise and not a fool. And then finally, he needs to be a man of courage and conviction. And let me give you an example of what I'm talking about here. Because when I say this, people always think about physical strength. And I'm not against physical strength and things like that. That's not my point here. But we're not seeing families torn apart because men don't have physical strength to protect them. We're seeing families torn apart because men don't have spiritual strength and wisdom to protect them. I'll give you one example. Men who don't protect their families from things that come into the household to destroy. men who don't monitor what comes into the family, or men who themselves are feeding on things like pornography. Not only are you not protecting your family, but you are the portal through which this is coming in to your family and your household. Why do I bring this up? Because it's a huge issue right now. The Economist had an article, red light moment. Pornography is booming during COVID-19 lockdown. The article begins, pornography is having a good pandemic. As an industry, it is well adapted to a world in lockdown. It is already largely moved online and its consumers often voluntarily self-isolate. Psychology today, how the pandemic is changing pornography. This article reads in part, the coronavirus pandemic is affecting not just the amount and type of porn being produced, but also how much porn people are consuming and what they're searching for on major sites. Pornography was already the number one use of the internet, and this pandemic has only fueled the fire. I wonder how many of us, man, See it as our duty and our role to be a protector in this regard. To be a protector first in terms of being a man of personal strength. See, not physical strength. Personal strength. A man of personal wisdom and a man of personal courage. Do you see how this completely changes the entire discussion? See, when I first said this, you were thinking about, you know, going toe-to-toe with an intruder. And, you know, God forbid you should have to do that, but I hope you would instead of telling your wife, get him. But more than likely, that's not the kind of protector your family's going to need you to be. More than likely, your family's going to need you to be the kind of protector who puts themselves between something like this and them. So, not what he needs to be, not what he ought to be, but what he must be. A priest, prepared to be a priest who represents his people before God. A spiritual man, a man of prayer, an intercessor on behalf of those whom he leads. A prophet, who represents God before his people. A man of the word who is prepared to stand to the head of a family and teach the word of God. A provider, a man of character who is committed to work and committed to doing whatever he needs to see to it that his people have what they need. Not one who selfishly sees his family as being used for his own ends. Not one who makes sure that he has the best of everything while his family goes without. and a protector, a man of personal strength, wisdom, and character who is ready, willing, and able to put himself between his family and anyone or anything that would threaten to do them harm. This, this is what he must be if he wants to marry my daughter. This is what's non-negotiable. Everything else, how tall he is, what color he is, what nationality he is, everything else pales in comparison to this. That stuff is meaningless. This stuff is everything. And my prayer for all of us is that we would recognize this and that we would live accordingly. Let's pray. Father, we thank you for your goodness and your mercy and your kindness toward us. We thank you for your word to us. And we thank you that you've not left us to wander aimlessly in the dark, but that you've given us clear instructions, grant by your grace that we might cling to them and live by them. For in them, we find life. We pray this in the name of our priest, prophet, provider, protector, Jesus. Amen.