The following is a sermon from Grace City Church in Denver, Colorado. Grace City exists to make and mature disciples of Jesus Christ. For more info, visit gracecitydenver.com. Today we will be reading from Ephesians 4, 25 through 32. Therefore, each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. In your anger, do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need. Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths. but only what is helpful for building up others according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. This is the word of the Lord. When you've been a pastor long enough, you immediately recognize a certain kind of communication that is essentially saying, I've decided not to attend your church any longer, and I'm trying to figure out when and how to tell you. Now, people leave churches for all kinds of reasons. And I would say generally, in my experience, there's nothing nefarious about that. This week, I was going through old rolls of our church and just people that we've sent emails to and had in gospel community groups for a number of years, even before moving to plant downtown. And of those hundreds and hundreds of people, More than 80% of them that are not here don't live in Denver anymore. You may be here because you have moved from somewhere else recently for work or quality of life or something else, schooling, and you're looking for a church. Nothing bad about that, nothing negative about that. You know, sometimes people leave a church over theological differences. And people come and they'll say, okay, your church is all in on this exclusivity of Jesus Christ for salvation thing. I'm not, I'm gonna go somewhere else. Perfectly reasonable. They don't believe as we together believe. People can leave over things like worship styles and just philosophical things. But I want to talk this morning about another common reason that people leave churches. And that is simply because relationships are so hard. You go to a new place and you just think making new friends is harder than it should be. Or keeping the friends that I have is harder than it should be. Or sometimes just doing this life that we're called to do together in relationships, sometimes that feels so much harder than it seems like it should be. And this morning, I want to end this just three-part miniseries with something that I hope is immensely practical, and that is the practice of our life together. The practice. And what I mean by the practice is what happens when you actually start down a path of doing life in relationship with other Christians, and you start showing up more consistently. And you start engaging in community on different levels of maybe a gospel community group where you're studying the word of God together. You're serving on a ministry team together. You are beginning to open your heart in ways where you're saying, OK, as I get to know these people, I'm going to start sharing more about who I am and kind of my story that's led me to this point. And yes, I'll share some opinions and perspectives and experiences that I've had. And the reality is, as you start sharing your struggles, not everyone just opens their arms and embraces you and your struggles and your hopes and dreams. It can cause conflict. Messy stuff happens. You're saved sinners doing life with other saved sinners. And things happen. And things happen because people don't meet your expectations, do they? and you don't meet their expectations. You all come in with different ideas of this is what it's going to be like, and often it's not like that. One blogger said this, nobody, that's right, nobody gets the church they want. We all have opinions, preferences, and sometimes even convictions that won't perfectly match any actual assembly of God's people. So you come in and you're trying to figure out what is non-negotiable for me? And hopefully that's predominantly theological. What does this church believe and what does it practice? But then you have other things you're like, okay, that's not a non-negotiable. I mean, this is important to me, but I don't really care that much that other people think differently about this or vote differently or whatever it is, it's okay. But the reality is, As you start doing more community with more people and peeling back layers of relationship, like layers of an onion, and you're getting closer, closer, closer, you're just like, I don't like this person's opinions. I don't like their perspectives. In fact, this person rubs me the wrong way. And what you may instinctively feel like should be really easy, you find out it's really, really hard sometimes. And that's because you're dealing with real people, with real problems, not an abstraction, not a theory. Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who wrote the book Life Together, famously said these words. He said, he who loves his dream of community more than the Christian community itself becomes a destroyer of the latter, even though his personal intentions may be ever so honest and earnest and sacrificial. What he's saying is people love the idea of community. We're moving into this new neighborhood and I'm gonna have wonderful community with my neighbors and a new church and it's gonna be great. It's community and it's an abstraction. And the problem is you're not doing life together with an abstraction. You're doing life together with real other people who have actual issues just like you and I do. So this morning we wanna talk about conflict. these four things, the reality of conflict, the reactions to conflict, the root of conflict, and then the resolution of conflict. And again, please let this just be as immensely practical as God's word was intended to be, okay? So I start with the reality of conflict. And if you're like, I don't get what he's talking about, I go through life without any bumps with other people at all, you're not being honest with yourself. I mean, conflict with other people, interpersonal conflict is just simply a fact of life in a broken world where nothing's quite right and we're not home yet. That includes the church. And I want to give you six categories. This is not exhaustive, but six Ds. And you can kind of start filing in if you're thinking like, well, I don't have conflict right now, but I have in the past. Conflict tends to happen around these things. Number one, disappointment. Unmet expectations. Just did that person sin? No, but I came to church wanting it to be something specific, or I was looking for a specific ministry, or to hit it off with a new friend, and there's not a sin that's been committed. I'm just disappointed that it hasn't met my expectations. This person has not met my expectations. And then there's disagreement. We have different opinions. We have different perspectives. We have different convictions. You know, and do you ever feel your body, like I do sometimes kind of tensing up, it's like you're going through a Bible study, you're going through a conversation, it's going well, people are sharing. And then someone brings up like school choice or immigration or gun control or worship styles or any number of things. And you're just like, dude, really, are we going to go there? Because there's different opinions in this room. Maybe you would even say different convictions around some of these things. And I've heard that, and I've seen people just say, hey, I disagree with you. And because I disagree with you, we can't be friends, or I don't even wanna do life with you, I wanna find a church that agrees with me on stuff. I think a deeper layer of conflict is discrimination. that maybe you actually bump into something that either feels like or actually is a form of bias or prejudice. There's a favoritism. There's an inclusion and an exclusion. And there are forms of discrimination as you make godly judgments, which is another way of saying it. There's some forms that are healthy. There's obviously some forms that are incredibly unhealthy and ungodly. And when you bump into that, it can hurt. The next level is displeasure. I just, I displease of what you're doing. We would say, I'm offended. I'm offended at a number of different things. And then there's damage, actual damage. Again, we're going deeper where you're hurt, they're hurt, or maybe even harmed. Maybe it's not just a psychological or an emotional thing, but there's been actual damage because of sin that's been committed in a relationship. And then the last way that this happens, and again, not exhausted, but is actual division or discord. Discord is more like we're trying to keep it together, but someone's sowing discord. They're sowing argumentation and quarreling and conflict, whereas division is like, we're done, we're splitting. And you're gonna think you're right, and they're gonna think they're right, but you're going different ways. Conflict is widespread in a broken world. That's the reality of conflict. And before I move on, I wanna just point out, conflict was widespread in the early church too, okay? I mean, listen to this. Mark 9, 33 and 34. And when Jesus was in the house, he asked his disciples, what were you discussing on the way? But they kept silent, for on the way, they had argued with one another about who was the greatest. And that's wild if you think about it. It's like you're walking across the countryside in Israel with the son of God, like the virgin born savior of the world, and you're lagging back, getting in fights with your best friends and the other disciples and apostles about which of us is the best, the greatest, which of us is gonna be closest to Jesus in his kingdom. 1 Corinthians 1, 10-12, Paul writes, I appeal to you, brothers and sisters, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be united in the same mind and of the same judgment. For it has been reported to me by Chloe's people that there is quarreling among you, brothers and sisters. What I mean is each of you says, I follow Paul, or I follow Apollos, or I follow Cephas, or I follow Christ. And what he's pointing out is there are factions in the church, there are tribes, today we would call them cliques. I'm more this leader's kind of vibe, or this gospel community's kind of vibe. And it's not just that you meet different places, it's that you have different opinions and perspectives, and you're like, we're better than them or him or her. 2 Corinthians 12, 20, I fear that perhaps when I come, I may find you not as I wish, but perhaps there may be quarreling, jealousy, anger, hostility, slander, gossip, conceit, and disorder. And if I had enough time this morning, I could go on to share verses that describe conflict in the churches of Galatia, Ephesus, Philippi, Colossae, Crete, Asia Minor, and all over the Roman Empire. because the Bible doesn't hide that. The Bible does not whitewash the truth about the early church and say, man, those guys that hung with Jesus, they were awesome. They got along because they copied Jesus. And the early church, they had their stuff together. What's wrong with you? We see the people that walked with Jesus struggled with interpersonal relationships and conflict. So what makes us think that we will not, if they did, they who become the apostles of the early church. Now, I don't share that in the sense of misery loves company, so isn't it good to know that they also struggled, but I do share that in the sense of resetting your expectations. Because if you think you'll have found the perfect relationships with the perfect people and the perfect church, when you enter into those relationships in that community, you're just like, man, there's no conflict here. Do you feel that? Everybody just gets along here. Everyone is so incredibly humble and selfless and kind and not forgiving because they don't need to forgive because they're not hurting each other in the first place kind of place. And I just want to adjust that expectation and say, no, the reality is because you're broken and I'm broken and the world is broken and Jesus hasn't returned yet, the best of communities and the best of relationships are going to experience conflict. You can apply this to a husband or a wife. What I'm saying this morning, you can apply it to a roommate. You can apply it to someone in a gospel community. You can apply it to someone on your service team. This is super practical. but that's the reality of conflict. Now, point two, the reactions to conflict, and you saw this in the text that Micah read, that's why we're there, is in the middle of Ephesians four, Paul is describing all of these different things that are going on. You might call these also like manifestations of conflict. So the conflict is going on in your heart, the conflict is going on in your soul, the conflict is going on in your thoughts. How does that kind of erupt or how does that kind of manifest itself in that relationship? And again, I could just suggest some that are pointed to in this text. He points to this idea of bitterness, resentment, malice. And do you ever do this with someone where you are hurt or you do disagree about something that's really important to you and you just start thinking resentful thoughts, you start just kind of filing stuff away. And you have this mental filing folder for this person and a lot of other people. And now you start seeing the next thing through the lens of all the other things and you file it in the same drawer. And before you know it, your so-and-so folder is full of grievances. It's bursting at the seams. If you picture it as like you're stuffing this in a backpack, you're like, I am being crushed under the weight of all the grievances that this person has caused me. Because instead of letting go each time, instead of working it out each time, instead of forgiving and probably being forgiven, you're carrying it. and it becomes a resentment, it becomes a bitterness. He refers to here envy and jealousy. Someone has something that I want, they have a relationship, they have a level of respect or something that I want, I'm jealous of them. We can't do life together because I despise them in a way. Their stuff is simple as criticism and complaining about people to other people. Maybe you criticize them to their face or complain about how they can just never get something right. So all this leads to quarreling and contention, which Paul is mentioning here. Another line that he mentions here is this whole angle of lying. Literally, I don't even owe you the truth. I'm so sick and tired of who you are and the conflict you bring to our relationship. And this bleeds into gossip about a person, which is like confessing their faults to someone else, or slander, which is even worse because the things that you're telling other people are not just gossip, but they also happen to not be true. And why do we do that? Why do we tell other people things? Because we're like, well, I'm hurt. And A, I'm telling you because I want you to validate that it's okay that I'm hurt, okay? Okay, anybody else honest enough to say like, yeah, sometimes I do that just because I wanna be like, okay, you're not crazy. What that person did to you is wrong. You should be angry. You want that affirmation, but you also want them to take up your grievance with you. So we're dealing now, as Paul says in this text, with things like anger and wrath, which is the pouring out of the anger that you feel, which could manifest all kinds of ways. Divisiveness, sowing discord. Sometimes people leave and will do kind of a exit interview, for lack of a better word. Hey, what's going on? Where are you? And they may initially start with, well, it's this and this, this issue. And sometimes, like, well, that issue isn't true. That's actually, that didn't happen. Oh, it didn't? Like, well, this person told me it happened. Well, no, that didn't even happen. And then inevitably it just opens a dam where there's this flood of, well, it was this and this and this person that leads my gospel community, they're kind of this. And then I heard this opinion shared in my group. And is that like what this church believes? And then this thing happened over here. And there's something on my service team where I thought I was doing this and someone else did it and it was hurtful. And you're like, wow, you've been storing up grievances for a long time toward a lot of people. Like, did you ever ask for help with that? Or did you ever, do you ever say, could you help me process some of these things that I'm dealing with? Well, no, but you know, I'm off to the next thing. And I call what I just talked about, those are all kind of like fight responses to conflict, is I'm gonna be bitter, I'm gonna be angry, I'm gonna be hostile, I'm gonna lie, I'm gonna gossip, I'm gonna get people on my team, on my side. There are also flight responses. And some of you are wired more this way. You're like, I just, I hate conflict so much. So it's happening. And what do you do? You just pick up your toys and you go home. You run from conflict. And someone recently called this the quiet quitting in the church where it's like, has anybody seen this person? Finally reached them and they're like, I'm just gone. There was some conflict. I didn't want to deal with it. And so I just left. And now I'm at another church and I'm already bumping into conflict here because you took yourself with you. And you're broken. And those people that you're trying to love, and I think you are, they're broken and hurting too. All right, let's transition. That was the reality of conflict and the reactions to it. The last two things I wanna give you here, and this will take a little chunk of time, but I wanna show you where does that come from and how do you get through it? Where it's actually healed, where it's actually better. So let's transition here to the root of conflict, understanding where it comes from. If you want to turn with me to James chapter four, I'll be here for a little bit. And I love how immensely practical this is. James is again dealing with a dispersion of believers, different ethnicities. different histories. They've even come from different religious backgrounds, and they find themselves in conflict with one another. And he's trying to help them understand their own soul and unpack what's going on in here that I'm so angry all the time, so worked up all the time. I just feel my flesh erupting toward other people that I know I'm called to love, but I'm not feeling that. And so in James 4, 1 and 2, he says, what causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? And the Greek is literally, where did that come from? Where did those quarrels come from? Where did those fights come from? And if you don't read the next verse yet, you're just like, well, it came from that person being a jerk. And it came from this other person having the wrong view of something that's really important. Like how could any Christian, how could any follower of Jesus believe that? Or it came from them hurting me. They knew what I needed and they did it anyway. Sure, that's their part, but that's not what James says. He says, what causes it, where does it come from? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and you do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. James says the root of conflict is actually your own unmet desires, number one. You came in with expectations and desires and those weren't met by other people. And very often, by the way, those were unspoken desires. Nobody even knew that you wanted that necessarily or needed that necessarily. But nevertheless, your desires have not been met. Let me show you a quick four-step process that he's outlining. First of all, he says, you have desires. Number one, you have desires. Okay, verse one says, And you may hear in that the English words hedonism or hedonist. The idea of a hedonist today is someone who is a pursuer of pleasure. And what he's saying is, okay, so you have a desire for the pleasures of life, along with the impulses to actually pursue them. So you want money, one of the pleasures of life. You want sex. You want nice things, possessions. You want a roof over your head, a nice one filled with nice stuff. You want a nice car. You want vacations, a good stable job with good income. You walk into the church and you're like, I just want peace and quiet. I just want friendships that come naturally and they're easy and they're fun and they're encouraging. What's so wrong about that? And don't hear me saying there's something wrong with that. Don't hear James saying there's something wrong with that. He's just saying that's where it starts. You have a bundle of desires in your heart that are gonna now go to war with you if, step two, your desires become over-desires. So the word desire that he uses here is actually a word that is, it could literally be translated an overdesire. The Greek word is epithumia. So it's not just a thumia or a thumao or a thumos, which is a desire or a will. It is an epi. It's an on top of. So the idea here is not, again, it's not that your desire is inherently wrong. It's immoral. His idea is the desire that you had in your heart for something pleasurable, for something good, now you desire it too much. You desire a good thing too much. And I think it's easier to stand here and preach and just say, show you, this is a fleshly desire. You're not supposed to desire this in your heart versus just saying you desire good things. but they become too big, too important. Because that leads to step three, is that your uncontrolled desire becomes a controlling desire. Meaning you've now relinquished control and it has taken over and now it's controlling you. That's the word covet in verse two, which is often translated jealousy or envy. It's a desire that's so intense, you resent and you despise two categories of people. Number one, you resent and despise the people who have the thing that you want. And again, maybe it's just like, I just want a good marriage. What's so bad about that? Nothing. But if you overdesire that as if that's how I now have an identity, I just want compliant, good kids with good grades that are gonna make something in life. What's so wrong with that? Nothing's wrong with that. But now that's a controlling desire. Now you envy the people that have a good marriage. You envy the people whose kids are better behaved than yours. And the second category of people that you envy and hate are people that at least seem to you to be preventing you from getting what you want. They may not even have it, but you're like, you are an obstacle. So what does that look like? You come into church and you're just like, I just want easy relationships that just come naturally. And is that so bad? No, you're in the way. Why is it always so hard with you? I gotta go tell these other people how hard it is with you. And you're often running to bearing anger and bitterness and resentment in your heart. And then where does this land? Step four, James says, your controlling desires create conflict. Here's what this sounds like, these four steps. I want, I need, I must have, you must pay. See how subtle and insidious those different steps can be? I want, I need, I must have, you must pay. A number of years ago, I had someone come to me and just say, you know, you've been doing ministry for 20 years. I want people to respect me the way some people at least respect you. I want them to seek my advice the way they seek your advice. I want to be able to control the meeting. I want to be able to have this stage. I want people to say my preaching is better than yours. In fact, as I continue to talk to myself, what I really want is I want your role. And one of two things is gonna happen. Either I'm gonna get it or neither of us is gonna get it. And what that is is that's that process of I want a good thing, now I need it. Now, instead of me controlling the need, it controls me. And now I'm willing to ruin and hurt other people because I didn't get it. And there's envy and jealousy. And I just want you to recognize how you're doing this in general, first of all, but then maybe also in church relationships. Where again, it's just like, I want lots of friends with minimal effort or sacrifice. Or I've heard this one. I just want a boyfriend or girlfriend. Great. It's a gift from God. But then you see, he started dating, and she started dating, and they got married, and then they got married. just that subtly, now it's like, I don't even wanna be here. It feels like everybody's starting to date and get in serious, healthy relationships and get married besides me, and I actually strongly dislike people that, and what's their fault? They got married, you know? Something that you would be like, you're my body, you're my friend, we're the same flock, I rejoice with you in that. What a kindness of God. But I wanted something and it controls me. What about this? I just want people to anticipate my needs and check up with me. I want them to know that I'm not doing okay because they've reached out and then they didn't reach out and now I'm hurt. Or I want the music and messages I want on Sundays. I want the activities and events throughout the week that I want. What's so wrong with that? I want people to agree with me about politics. I wanna feel a certain way walking out of church. I want a job or an income like theirs. I want vacations like theirs. I want a marriage and a family like theirs. And instead of just learning from one another and saying, you know what, right now God has given you this, but he's given me this. There's tension and conflict and resentment because God has given to each one as he wills. So James, understand that. I'm not saying all of your conflict is your fault. Please don't hear me saying that. I'm saying our conflict is made so much worse when we allow the desires of our heart to become controlling desires. That now, who's really driving the bus? You're not really in control anymore. The Holy Spirit's certainly not in control. It's this lust, this envy, this next thing pride. So James says, not only are unmet desires the root of conflict, but simply self-centered pride. Look at this in 3.14, so you're in James 4, maybe just across the page. James 3.14, he also says, conflict comes from bitter jealousy and selfish ambition. Bitter jealousy is that resentful envy I just talked about, but what is this selfish ambition? Well, it's a word that could literally translate relentless self-seeking. It's a posture that thinks life is about me. You know, you wanna have conflict? Here's a little insider tip. If you want to have conflict, just go through life thinking, this too must be about me. This marriage is for me and about me. This job is for me and about me. This club that I joined is for me and about me. This new community that I'm a part of, this church is for me and about me. And your life will be filled with conflict. Do you know why? Because nobody else cares. Because they're thinking the same thing. They're thinking, no, it should be about me. And that's why I led this whole series off by saying, no, what is the premise of us being here? It's not about you. Hear me. And it's not about me. It's about our Father and Son and Spirit. And if we're like, I didn't get what I wanted, but God was glorified and people are growing. Is that enough for me? And if you go through life with just this relentless self-seeking, I wanted people to notice. I wanted people to affirm me. I wanted people to be thankful. Again, all good things. But they didn't give it to you because they're thinking about brunch. And is the sermon going to be short enough that they can get there in time to meet their friends? And they're thinking about this thing that their kids are going through. And they're thinking about their financial struggles. And can they have a roof over their head tomorrow? Thinking about you. Tim Keller has this wonderful book. It's called The Freedom of Self Forgetfulness, The Path to True Christian Joy. You know who's really happy? Humble, content, self-forgetful people. People that don't need the world to revolve around them. And by the way, one common way we make life about ourselves and our unmet desires is simply by constantly taking offense. When did being the most easily offendable people, when did that become a virtue in our society? You said something, I'm offended. You forgot something, I'm offended. You didn't do something, you did do something, I'm offended at all of it. You know, when you're constantly taking offense at what someone said, what someone did, what someone failed to do, that's a warning sign that you're self-absorbed. Think about this, being offended is a way of expressing moral superiority over other people. Because what are you doing when you're making these judgments? They said something, you're like, I'm offended. What are you saying? You're saying I'm better than you. You don't hear the tone in people's voices the way I do because I'm better than you. I'm wiser, I'm more sensitive. I can detect hidden meanings. I can detect microaggressions and I'm constantly offended. What you're saying is I'm morally superior to virtually everyone that I'm doing life with. Do you know in scripture, a hallmark of spiritual maturity is being virtually unoffendable. Paul in Romans 14 and 15 is talking about people who are offended. He calls them strong and weak. Does the same in 1 Corinthians chapter eight. You're fighting, you got a perspective, you got a perspective. And he's like, do you know what a hallmark of spiritual maturity is as you have conflict and disagreements? It's not digging up dirt. It's not finding a hidden secret meaning and something aggressive and obnoxious and finding a victim in everything. It is being virtually unoffendable. It's going through life and saying, I saw something you put on social media. You said something I disagree with in my community group. You like someone or you like something that I can't stand. You hold a different position or a different perspective than I do. So what? And family, especially as we urge our church in the gospel of Christ to be diverse, to be multi-ethnic, to embody different socioeconomic classes of people who live side by side as neighbors, guess what? You start bringing in people who are more and more different, and there's even more things to be offended about if you choose to be offended. But as you grow in Christ and He strengthens your faith, you can hear things and be like, is it okay if we disagree with that? And I've got good friends that are like, oh, you're good friends because you agree on everything. I'm like, no, we're good friends because we fought stuff out. We had hard conversations with each other. We heard each other's positions. We forgave each other. And now we're both better because we landed in a different place and we kept doing life together. So I'm talking about where it comes from. It comes from our own desires, it comes from our own pride, and how do we resolve it quickly here? This is why I had Micah read that first verse, Ephesians 4.25. If you're still there, great. If you need to go back there. But the bookends here are clues to how we resolve conflict. So Ephesians 4.25, before Paul gets into this whole mess of there's anger and there's conflict and there's quarreling and there's slander, he says this, therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor for, it's a reason, for we are members one of another. Okay, first way you resolve conflict, remember who you are and remember whose you are. That's what he's doing here. He's saying, before I get into all these things that you could do to one another, do you remember that you are members one of another? So he's not just saying, stop lying, stop gossiping, stop slandering, which he could say. He's saying, stop lying about your brother or sister in Christ. You're lying about a member of your own body. You're lying about a member of your own family. You're taking your family's dirty laundry, you're walking outside and you're like, does everybody see this? Everybody see we can't get along in here? By the way, you should trust Jesus, come to church like we are coming to church. That is not attractive at all. He starts saying God has brought very broken people with different perspectives, opinions, convictions, votes, all of those things into one body and we're all laying down our rights for each other because we remember first and foremost who we are and whose we are. We belong to God. We belong to each other. And I'm not going to talk dirt about my wife and my kids to you. I may go to them and say, you're doing something that really bothers me. But I'm not coming and saying you should hear how terrible these people are. And by the way, they're not terrible. The point is not that they are, and I could be telling you I'm not. The point is we're all imperfect and we have conflict, and I'm usually at least half of the conflict in my home. And I've got to start with remembering who I am and whose I am. Colossians 3.8 through 11 does something similar. It's not just put away anger, wrath, malice, slander, and obscene talk. It is put them away because you have put on a new self that's being renewed in the image of your creator. He's saying you put them off because that's not who you are anymore. And you don't talk that way about them because that's not who they are anymore. We belong to Christ. In 1 Peter 2, 1, he says, so put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. And you're like, why did he start the sentence with the word so? And it's because what came right before it is Peter said, you've all been born again. So you were dead in your sin. You were without God, without hope, without eternal life. You've been born again. That's who you are. So Why are you so mad at each other? Why are you so hypocritical? Have you been born again and have they or not? Remember who and whose you are. Number two, rehearse what God has done for you. So now jump to the end of that Ephesians four. So he's going through this whole list of things and he's saying, put these off, okay? But then he gets to the last verse. Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ has forgiven you. Forgiven people forgive. How are you gonna receive the grace of God when he sees and knows everything about you? and turn right around and refuse grace to a brother or sister in Christ. I need it for me, but I'm not willing to give it. It's like the slave who had the debt to his master. And he goes to his master, master, I can't repay it. It's a billion dollar debt. The master says, I forgive you. Great. He goes out and chokes and strangles a fellow coworker who owes him a day's wage. And the master says, actually, no, nevermind. Your debt's not forgiven. Enjoy the rest of your life in prison. That's a parable that Jesus told. He's like, how are you going to receive that from the master and turn right around and treat someone else that way? It's because you've forgotten what God has done for you. Why show patience, forbearance, kindness, grace? Listen, this is not legalism. It's not just because. It's not because if you do, God will love you more than the people who are angry. It's He already loves you. He already gave you the hope. He already gave you the patience and the forbearance and the kindness and grace. Now go and treat other people that way. Romans 15 verse seven, I love this. Again, in the context of the strong and the weak and people that are just really good at being prickly and other people that are really good at being prickled. They're like, you're hurting me constantly. I'm always offended. And someone else is like, well, I love offending you. I don't care. You're weak. You're pathetic. That's the context of what he's about to say, OK? Then Romans 15, verse 7, he says, Therefore, welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you. I'm offended. I have the moral high ground. You're always bothering me. And Paul's like, stop. Stop, welcome one another into your homes and into your hearts the way Christ has welcomed you home forever. So remember who and whose you are. Rehearse what God has done for you. One more thing, replay love. Replay and replay and replay. This is the soundtrack of your life. It's just on repeat. Galatians 5, 13 and 14. You were called to freedom, brothers and sisters, only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flash. So he's saying, stop there. I've got freedom in Christ. I can do what I want. I can live how I want. Free in Christ. I'm under the blood. I already know, stamped my passport to heaven. I can live how I want. If I'm hurting you, that sounds like your problem. And he says, stop using your freedom to hurt each other. Instead, through love, serve one another, for the whole law is fulfilled in one word, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. And in this context, love is the opposite of biting and devouring one another with criticism and complaints and aggressions and frustration and offense and all of that stuff. Replay love. He says, you know what, you worry about you, and if you simply love other people in your life the way you already love yourself, you just fulfilled the whole law of God. And you've done that in part because if you start trying to do that, because we don't try that hard, you will find out real quick, I can't love this person the way I love myself. They've hurt me too badly. I don't like them that much, to be honest. I can't do that unless God, you do a work of grace in my life that enables me to love them And now there's this gospel channel where it's actually his love at work through you to this other person. Okay, remember too that I said last week, love is not merely abstaining from negative stuff. It is proactively doing really good stuff. Can I just remind you what he writes? Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13, love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. And if you've got that on replay in your heart and your soul and your desires, you're good. You're good. So think about that person that makes you wanna lash out with just complaining, criticism, gossip, maybe even slander. How would it transform that situation if you said, my call here, Lord, I gotta remember who I am, I gotta remember who they are, I gotta remember what you've done for me. Now I just need to replay love. I need to proactively go out of my way to love them as you loved your bride, because they're your bride. And a specific way to practice this in closing, a specific way to practice love. I'm gonna give you two. One of the things I wanna highlight from 1 Corinthians 13 is you notice love does not amplify the sin or brokenness of another person. This is exactly what we do. You hurt me in secret, I'm gonna grab a megaphone and go over here and shout, amplify. It's gonna be noisy. People are gonna know what pawn scum you are. He says love does the opposite. Love doesn't broadcast. It minimizes. And in connection with that, do you know the Bible says when you're in an interpersonal conflict as a follower of Jesus, whether you're the offender or the offended, it is always your move to seek reconciliation. So listen to this. He says in Matthew 5, 23 through 24, if you're offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, Leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift. You know, in 1 Corinthians 11, he applies that to what we're gonna do in a moment of taking the Lord's table together. This is communion or communion, whichever you prefer. We're doing it together. This is not just, I am, bless God, I am united with Christ. Really struggling with this church family though. No, it's, yeah, I have conflict with my church family, my own family. So as I come and take this, not hypocritically, I'm saying, at best I know, I've left that there at the altar and I've gone to a brother or sister and said, I know you got something against me. I know I've hurt you. Or maybe I don't even know what's up, but I sense something's up. Can we talk about it? I wanna hear from you. Maybe even if I disagree, but I wanna hear from you. What's it like to be on the other side of me? Because maybe I've hurt you. Maybe I've misunderstood you. Maybe I've just blown right over you. This is Jesus. This is the sermon on the mount stuff, guys. He's like, you know what's more important than you bringing your gift to the altar and taking communion is you go to a brother and get stuff right. Go to a sister, get stuff right. On the other side of that, Matthew 18, verse 15, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. And how many, I mean, a text, a phone call or whatever, hey, pastor, just Matt, like you gotta hear about this, hold on. A, I don't know what I've done that gives you the idea that I'm the kind of person that wants to hear what you're about to say, because you're coming in pretty hot. B, have you talked to the person you're about to tell me about? Have you talked to them privately, individually, about what you're about to say? Because if not, that's your only next move. That's what love does. And again, I know it feels amazing when you're hurt and someone comes along and puts their arm around you and is like, I affirm you, that person stinks. I feel that for you. But there's a way in which you should never hear that unless you first went to that brother or sister and they just doubled down on the sin and tripled down on the sin. And then finally, Jesus gives you a process like you can bring it to others to try to get repentance, to try to get reconciliation. But even there, the goal is still reconciliation. It's not, let's see who we can kick out of the church. He's like, if this works, you've gained your brother, you've gained your sister. That's what it's all about. So remember who and whose you are. Rehearse what God has done for you. Replay love. I'm gonna give you one other passage that puts all this together. Colossians 3, 12 through 14. If you memorize this and live this, you'd be golden. He says, put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience, bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And above all these things, put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony. So first of all, you notice he's like, put on humility and meekness. That's the opposite of self-centered, self-absorbed pride. It's a self-forgetful person, to use Tim Keller's words. A humble, meek person is self-forgetful. It's not about me. But then look at this. Remember who you are. He starts off as God's chosen ones, plural, holy, plural, beloved, plural. That's who you are. Do you remember who you are when you're stirring up that conflict that God chose you and God chose them? And not just in the metaphorical, ethereal sense of like, see you in heaven one day, but I mean, he chose you and then he put you in the same place at the same time in the same community. He knew that. Holy. and beloved, you're holy and beloved and they're holy and beloved, okay? Rehearse what God has done for you. He says, you're forgiving each other as the Lord has forgiven you. So also you must forgive and then replay love above all these, put on love. So it holds everything together. So very simple theme. What are we doing? We're rehearsing the gospel for conflict resolution. You're rehearsing the gospel. I'm rehearsing the gospel. We're helping each other rehearse the gospel. When the people hurt you, you help them rehearse the gospel. When you hurt, rehearse the gospel. You just listened to a recording of a sermon from Grace City Church in Denver, Colorado. We hope you can join us in person soon. Thanks for listening. The Lord bless you and keep you. Amen.