It was a little over a year ago that the popular conservative commentator, Matt Walsh of The Daily Wire, released a documentary called What Is a Woman? And in that documentary, this man travels the country and travels the world, actually, and interviews people asking them that very question. What is a woman? And just a few years ago, maybe five, but certainly no more than 10, that would have been a very short film. But the twisted moment we find ourselves in as a culture has made it so that people regard that question to be of profound philosophical import. It seems undeniable that in just the past few years the Lord God has poured out another vial of judgment upon the Western world, particularly in the form of giving society over to a reprobate mind, to a depraved or a debased mind that can no longer properly function, a mind that is given over to believe absurdities And the transgender delusion has been the pinnacle absurdity that our society has believed. And sadly, I don't believe that's where it will stop. And so when a social commentator travels the country and asks Americans what a woman is, no one can give a straight answer. The documentary is really quite something to behold. He says to a lady, are you a woman? And she says, yes, I identify as a woman. Okay, what is that? Blank stare. And he asks them, well, when you say you identify as a woman, what is that thing? What is it specifically that you're identifying as? And people all over the country will just say, I don't know, and walk away. Do you identify as a woman? I do. What is a woman? I don't know. Now, we find that ridiculous, and we ought to, but can you, as the people of God, answer Matt Walsh's question any better? Now, surely, yes, in the one sense, we can answer rightly, a woman is an adult human female. But then, if we asked, what does it mean to behave like a woman? Could we give the Bible's answer? What is femininity according to God's own word? What has our God, our creator and designer designed a woman to be? If we reject transgenderism for the delusion that it is and recognize that women ought to look and speak and behave like women and not men, Are we that much better off than the LGBT crowd if we can't explain from Scripture what it means to be a woman and not a man? Confusion abounds, not only in the world where they reject gender altogether, but also in the church where unbiblical, worldly notions of masculinity and femininity have infiltrated the ranks even of those who profess to be the people of God. Not only do we have to get manhood and womanhood right in order to confront the lies of the unbelieving culture we live in, but we also need to get manhood and womanhood right so that we can glorify God in the way that he's designed us. The fact that God has created his image bearers to be male and female means that he intends to receive glory and honor and worship from those image bearers as he has designed them. Men can only glorify God as men by pressing into their masculinity and becoming more manly. Women can only glorify God as women by pressing into their femininity and becoming more womanly. And those realities have pressed us here in Grace Life into a series of sermons on biblical manhood and womanhood. Back in May and June, we devoted three sermons to exploring nine marks of biblical manhood. And we found that the scriptures teach that a man is a leader, a lover, one who loves, a provider, and a protector. He is strong, sensible, dignified, sound in doctrine, and sound in speech. And for those visitors who are going to realize that I'm in the middle of a series on womanhood, just know that I took care of the men back in May and June. So you can feel free to look those messages up on the website if you missed those. Last week we began a series on nine marks of biblical womanhood. And the first of those marks of biblical womanhood was that the biblical woman is a helper. She is a helper. We saw that chiefly from Genesis 2.18 where God tells us that his design in creating the woman was so that she would be a helper suitable for the man, corresponding to him as his equal and counterpart in a way that no other creature was sufficient to do. And we concluded that the foundation of what it means to be a woman is to be one who can suitably help a man to walk in obedience to the calling that God has placed on his life. And another way that scripture speaks of that helpfulness, that putting oneself at the disposal of another, yielding one's gifts and strengths unto another's benefit is submission. The husband leads and the wife helps. The husband initiates and the wife responds in submission to the husband's leadership. Two image bearers equal in status and dignity before God, but with distinct roles. A mature, biblical woman submissively responds to the patterns of initiatives established by mature masculinity in a way that honors and affirms, rather than usurps or challenges, his leadership. And we found that scripture identifies this helpfulness or submissiveness as so foundational to a woman's identity that we spent the whole of last week's sermon examining nine features of biblical submission. And again, if you were in here, I encourage you to get that message. I won't review those nine, just to state them. We spoke of the divine design of submission, the cursed difficulty of submission, the gospel-shaped motive of submission. We also observed its pervasive extent and its biblical limits. before considering the practical outworking of submission, the respectful posture of submission, the beautiful attitude of submission, and finally, the beautifying purpose of submission. And so, again, if you weren't with us last week, please do find a way to download that message, thegracelifepulpit.com or gracechurch.org, and you can keep pace. But that brings us this morning to a second mark of biblical womanhood. Not only is the biblical woman a helper, she is also number two, beautifully modest. She is beautifully modest. And for this, we turn our attention to two main texts in particular. The first is the text that Justin read for us just a bit earlier, 1 Peter chapter three. And we mentioned even last week that in this section of his letter, Peter has been discoursing on the Christian's duty of submission after the pattern of Christ. And as he opens chapter three, he gives wives the same instruction he's given all Christians. In chapter two, he says to them, in the same way, you wives be submissive to your own husbands. And again, that was the subject of last week. But in verses three and four, he tells these women that their beauty, what makes them attractive, has less to do with external adornments and more to do with her inward character. 1 Peter 3, verses three and four, your adornment must not be merely external. braiding the hair, wearing gold jewelry, putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. And then another passage comments on that even more directly, and that is 1 Timothy 2 9-10. And you can turn there. You remember that Paul writes the letter of 1 Timothy, he says in chapter three, verse 15, so that you will know how one ought to conduct himself in the household of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar and support of the truth. So Paul is giving instruction on what life in the local church is to look like. And after his introduction in chapter one, he opens chapter two with an exhortation for the men to pray without dissension. Chapter two and verse eight says, therefore, I want the men in every place to pray, lifting up holy hands without wrath and dissension. And then in verses nine to 15, Paul then turns to address the women in the congregation, and the first thing he calls them to is a beautiful modesty. He writes, likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness. In both of these passages, both Peter and Paul speak of the propriety of a woman's adornment. Peter says, your adornment must not be this, but must be that. Your adornment must be, and then eventually speaks of imperishable beauty. Paul says, I want the women to adorn themselves. And so the apostles are not against a woman's adornment. We spoke last week about how this term cosmeo refers to beautifying something. In Titus 2.10, it referred to how godly submission would adorn, would beautify the doctrine of God our Savior. Not that it would make Christian truth more attractive than it is, that's impossible, but that it would contribute to displaying Christian truth to be as attractive as it really is. And the same is true in the case of a woman's adornment. She is permitted to adorn herself in a beautiful, respectable, modest way. We see that, especially in 1 Timothy 2, 9, where Paul says, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing. And you don't see that so much in the English translation, but in the original, you could translate that, I want women to order themselves with orderly clothing. Now that takes effort, right? That takes preparation. It's right for a woman to prepare herself so that she is dressed in an appropriate, orderly, put together, beautiful way. And so in calling for modesty, neither Peter nor Paul is calling upon Christian women to give no attention to their appearance so that they present themselves in a slovenly or sloppy or homely manner. No one's saying, well, since immodesty has run rampant, well, then you just cover yourself with the proverbial burlap sack. That's not so, that wouldn't take, that's not orderly and it wouldn't take very much ordering to do so. Commenting on this passage in 1 Peter 3, Pastor John writes this, this text does not prohibit wives from styling their hair, wearing jewelry or lovely clothing, which is why the translators added the word merely in verse three. The point is that this was not to be the preoccupation or main concern. Some people read these passages and conclude that the apostles are prohibiting all jewelry, all hairstyling, but that can't be because the final phrase of 1 Peter 3, 3 is best translated not as putting on dresses as if to single out a particular kind of clothing, but as putting on garments. Let your beauty not be in putting on garments. clothing in general. So if this verse prohibited all jewelry and all hairstyles, it would seem that it would have to prohibit all clothing as well. But that is certainly not the point. The point is don't be so focused on externals that you neglect true beauty, which is internal above all else. And so when it's accompanied by modesty and discretion, There is an appropriate beauty, even an appropriate external beauty, that a woman displays. The woman is, in that sense, the beautiful gender. Or sometimes you hear the phrase, the fairer sex. That's a biblical notion. All the way back in Genesis 6-2, we read that the sons of God saw that the daughters of men were beautiful. The first time the term woman is used outside of Genesis 1 to 3, it's in Genesis 12, 11, where we're told that Sarah, Abraham's wife, was a beautiful woman. So the first time we hear about a woman outside of the opening three chapters of Genesis, she's called beautiful. Rebecca is called beautiful in Genesis 26, 7. Genesis 29.17 says that Rachel was beautiful of form and face. Abigail in 1 Samuel 25.3, Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11.2, Tamar in 2 Samuel 13.1, and Esther in Esther 1.11 and 2.7 are all called beautiful. There is something appropriately beautiful about women. And, you know, sure, there are a handful of men in scripture of whom the same word is used to describe them as handsome, but not as many. And when the term is used of men, the context of those passages always seem to indicate that their handsomeness was exceptional, right? So not at all as many times said that these people are beautiful, but when they are, it's almost like exceptional, like, and he was handsome because usually they're not, right? At the very least, we see in the Song of Solomon that a husband ought to find his wife to be beautiful, and he ought to tell her so as an expression of affection. Song of Solomon 1, verse 8, the man calls his bride the most beautiful among women. In chapter two, verses 10 and 13, he calls her my beautiful one. In several instances, he exclaims, how beautiful you are, my darling, or how beautiful and how delightful you are, my love, with all your charms. And in chapter four, verse seven, he says to her, you are altogether beautiful, my darling, and there is no blemish in you. It's as if the bridegroom has decided that his wife would be his standard of feminine beauty in his mind. You know, what she is, whatever that is, is beautiful to him. And guys, I think that's a good practice. Cultivate a sense of what is beautiful by looking at the wife God has given you and making her the standard. But all of this is to say there is an appropriate scriptural sense in which beauty is proper or inherent to womanhood in a way that's not quite analogous to manhood. And I think that means there is an appropriate sense in which a woman desires to be lovely. Sort of in the same way, there's an appropriate sense in which a man desires to be strong. Surely in both cases, those desires can be perverted into vanity and pride and self-preoccupation. You can take some time this afternoon and read through Isaiah chapter three or Ezekiel 16 as examples of perverting beauty into vainglory and how severely the Lord God abominates such a thing. But it is just so interesting that throughout Scripture you have exhortations to men to act like a man and be strong, and then that strength is defined in this biblical sense of being morally steadfast and faithful to Scripture. And then at the same time throughout scripture you have exhortations to women to adorn themselves modestly and discreetly and then as well that they ought to press after true and proper beauty which is defined in this biblical sense of a gentle and quiet and submissive spirit. Men desire to be strong. Biblically strong. Women desire to be beautiful, biblically beautiful. There's something inherent to a woman that makes the pursuit of true beauty a distinctly feminine virtue. And so women are beautiful, but they're beautifully modest. And you see that emphasis both in 1 Peter 3 and 1 Timothy 2. Both Peter and Paul speak of a woman displaying her beauty modestly. Peter's more indirect by saying that a woman's adornment must not be merely external, that it shouldn't consist merely in hairdos and jewelry and dresses. Paul is more direct. He speaks of being adorned modestly and discreetly. You see, there were women in the church at Ephesus who were prostituting the gathering of the church for worship on the Lord's day into an opportunity to draw attention to themselves. Whether as a means of flaunting their wealth by a display of expensive clothing, or as a means of flaunting their beauty by dressing in a sexually tantalizing way, they were making the gathering of the saints about them. about satisfying their lust for the attention and admiration of others, rather than about directing all attention and admiration to the Lord Jesus alone. And I don't know if there is an exhortation that contemporary young Christian women need to hear more than these resounding calls to modesty and discretion. The pornified culture that we live in here in America, and especially the entertainment-driven subculture that we live in here in Los Angeles, exerts far too much influence on those who name the name of Christ. Too many young Christian women are taking their fashion cues from Instagram influencers rather than from the scriptures and from spiritually mature godly women in the body of Christ. It seems grievously evident that if the besetting sin of the young Christian man is lust, the besetting sin of the young Christian woman is lusting after being lusted after. And it is grievous, ladies. It's grievous. It's grievous because when beauty is perverted like that, even when it's still tantalizing to some, it becomes ugly. Beauty displayed immodestly is ugly. Proverbs 11.22 is the inspired commentary on that phenomenon. As a ring of gold, In a swine's snout, so is a beautiful woman who lacks discretion. And that's true of women of all ages, but if I can especially speak to the younger women who think that to attract a husband, you have to compete with the trollops of this age, and so you think you have to dress immodestly to be attractive. Ladies, the husband you want won't be enticed by the indiscreet flaunting of your beauty. Now, sure, young men will value a physical attraction. As we saw, that's good. But the godly man, the husband you want, will be attracted to the hidden person of the heart above all, and will actually become more physically attracted to a woman who displays that inner beauty. If there's a guy who is attracted by your immodesty, he's not the guy you want. Young men who love Christ, young men who will lead you well, will have trained themselves to flee temptation as the scripture commands them. And so if your indiscretion becomes an occasion for temptation, an opportunity for him to forfeit communion with Christ by yielding to his lusts, a godly young man will be repulsed by that immodesty. The way that you might recoil from getting too close to a pig's snout, no matter how pretty the ring in it is. Now this is not the setting for me to get into specifics about what clothes are acceptable and unacceptable, but I will say if you are married and you're wondering whether this or that outfit is a display of immodesty, ask your husband. If you're still a young lady living at home, ask your parents, mom and dad, especially if they're believers. But if you're unmarried and out of the home and you're unsure about whether you've become more influenced by the world around you than by the Spirit of God in you ask an older more mature lady in the in the church whose judgment you trust. And elder sisters be willing to be honest with these younger sisters when they ask. Now, as I said, no specifics, but with hopes of being helpful, I'm going to mention just three principles to consider about this. First, ladies, I'll put it this way. There are certain things about you that only your husband should know. Certain women seem to be very fond of sharing that knowledge with others. Don't be one of those women. Don't dress in a way, whatever the context is, that lets others know things about you that really only your husband should know. I hope I can leave it there. Second, second principle, clothing ought to be a frame for the face and not the body. Clothing ought to be a frame for the face and not the body. Why do I say that? Because the human face is our relational center. When you communicate with somebody, where do you look? Well, you look in the person's eyes. When you speak to them, the thoughts of your soul are expressed through your mouth and perhaps through your facial expressions. And if you're Italian like me, through your hands. But imagine you were looking at a picture, right, and you notice that I'm in the picture, but I'm sort of cut out of it, and you could only see, say, my foot. You don't point to my shoe and say, oh, that's Mike. You might say, oh, you can tell Mike was close by because you can see his shoe in the corner there, but it's not me. But if you saw a picture of my face, what do you say? You don't say, oh, there's Mike's face, right? You say, oh, that's Mike. There's a sense in which I am my face in a way that I am not another part of me. That's why all those passages in the Old Testament refer to seeking God's face and God making his face to shine upon us because there's a real sense in which the face stands for the person. The face is the relational center of the body. And that means that clothing ought to be a frame for the face. It ought to drive attention to that part of us, which mediates wholesome, meaningful, relational interaction. which means clothing that draws attention away from the face and focuses attention on the body, especially those parts of the body by which wholesome, meaningful, relational interaction cannot take place except within the confines of marriage, that communicates that you are interested in what a godly woman ought not to be interested in from anyone but her husband. Now that might not be your intent. But that is what such clothing communicates. And you are called not to be so naive as to communicate what you don't intend. The beauty of the body is to be expressed privately between husband and wife in the covenant of marriage. The beauty of the face expresses the thoughts and intentions of the heart, which are at the center of meaningful fellowship between brothers and sisters in Christ. And so, all of you, men and women, let your clothes be a frame for your face. Third principle, consider that immodesty isn't exclusively about being sexually lascivious or physically enticing. It can be immodest, as both 1 Timothy 2 and 1 Peter 3 indicate, to ostentatiously display your wealth. whether an inappropriate display of beauty or an inappropriate display of wealth or an inappropriate display of anything else, at the heart of immodesty is seeking distinction. At the heart of immodesty is the seeking of distinction. It's looking to stand out. It's drawing attention to yourself rather than employing yourself as an instrument to draw attention to God and His glory. Jonathan Edwards said, it is the nature of spiritual pride to cause people to seek distinction and singularity. And so if your presentation of yourself, whatever it is, communicates, I'm different, look at me. If it causes you to be the center of attention, then you are falling afoul of the biblical command to be modest. I think Pastor John captures this delicate balance well when he says in his sermon on 1 Timothy 2, quote, so a Christian woman should attract attention to her character, not her clothing. A Christian woman should show by her dress and her demeanor that she has no intent to flaunt her wealth, but that she is, in appearance and attitude, marked out by a humble heart that is obviously committed to worshiping the living God. He then speaks of women being, quote, properly dressed in a way that is becoming both to the grace and beauty of a woman and to the purpose and intent of worshiping God. I think that that captures the balance well, that beautiful modesty. The grace and beauty of a woman and to the purpose and intent of worshiping God. And then in his comments on 1 Peter 3, Pastor John writes this, the Lord is most pleased when a believing woman's modest yet thoughtful and lovely adornment reflects the inner beauty that Christ has fashioned in her. In other words, a biblical woman is beautifully modest. Well, not only is she a helper and beautifully modest, we also find, number three, that a third mark of biblical womanhood is that she is quiet, that she is quiet. And I know right away that that's sort of an arresting, jarring thing to say. It is so far out of accord with the cultural consensus that society would tell you it's a misogynistic thing to say. Who does this man, this straight white man at that, think he is to tell a room full of women to be quiet? That's certainly how our culture speaks, isn't it? Just riddled with the poison of identity politics and judgment according to the flesh. But the New Testament epistles place a surprising amount of emphasis on the propriety of a Christian woman's quietness as a corollary of that prevailing disposition of submissiveness that we learned about last week. You see that emphasis in the following verses of 1 Timothy 2. You can turn back there if you wish. 1 Timothy 2, we were just in verses nine and 10, but in 1 Timothy 2, 11 and 12, we read a woman, must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet." Here is that famous instruction where the Apostle Paul restricts the role of teaching and exercising authority in a church to the men alone. And while women are encouraged to teach one another as well as to teach children, they are not to occupy the office of pastor or elder in the church because they are prohibited from teaching and exercising authority over men. And that could involve us in an entire sermon series, but what we're interested in the moment is that in the midst of this weighty prohibition, Paul brackets his instruction, both on the front end and the back end, with a direction for the woman's quietness. Verse 11, she must quietly receive instruction. And verse 12, she must remain quiet. We see something similar in 1 Corinthians 14, 34, and 35. Paul has been given instruction to the church in Corinth regarding the practice of spiritual gifts, especially in dealing with the miraculous gifts of prophecy, tongues, and the interpretation of tongues, which those gifts at that time had not yet ceased as they have today. Paul says two or three prophets or interpreters of tongues can speak in a service. All must be done decently and in order. No barking in the aisles. But then as he brings that section to a close, he again addresses the role of women in the church. And in verses 34 and 35, he writes, the women are to keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but are to subject themselves, just as the law also says. If they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home, for it is improper for a woman to speak in church. Other translations have for improper, shameful or disgraceful. That is a striking comment, isn't it? especially in our day when quote-unquote female pastors dominate the evangelical landscape. Paul says women are not even permitted to speak in the corporate assembly let alone preach every week. Now these instructions are not intended to convey that a woman can't open her mouth while she's in the church building. This is not talking about greeting one another or encouraging one another with words of encouragement and kindness or enjoying fellowship with one another. That's not she must be silent and have absolutely no interaction while she's on the church campus. No, it's talking about having a speaking role in the worship service. Now there's so much that could be said about 1 Timothy 2 and 1 Corinthians 14 and the role of women in the church, but what's important again for our point here is that both of these texts contribute to this overall picture of quietness being a mark of a mature Christian woman. But the main text from which I draw this point is that same passage in 1 Peter 3 that we were looking at for the previous point. So turn back there with me, 1 Peter 3, And again, after instructing Christian wives to be good helpers, that is, verses one and two, to be submissive to their own husbands with chaste and respectful behavior, and then calling them to a beautiful modesty in verse three, here in verse four, he tells the women that their truest beauty consists in large part in their quietness. Look again with me at 1 Peter 3 and verses three and four. Your adornment must not be merely external, braiding the hair and wearing gold jewelry or putting on dresses, but let it be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is precious in the sight of God. And so you see what Peter's saying. Those external manifestations of beauty, hair, jewelry, fine clothing, no matter how trendy or how fashionable are temporary. How quick do the trends and fashions change, right? And even so, the substance of them is temporary. The substance of them is fading. Those signs of beauty externals are perishable. but the internal beauty of the hidden person of the heart, that beauty, Peter says, is imperishable, which is another striking word. It's the same word that Peter used in chapter one, verse four of this letter to describe the imperishable and unfading inheritance that is reserved in heaven for every believer. The kind of beauty that Peter calls women to is of the same quality as the heavenly inheritance that is the ultimate hope of everyone born again by the Spirit of God. This is heavenly beauty. This is eternal beauty. And what does it consist in? A gentle and quiet spirit. Gentle is the term praus, it's the same word used in Matthew 5-5 where Jesus pronounces a blessing on the meek because they'll inherit the earth. It's the same word that Jesus uses to describe himself in Matthew 11-29 when he invites us to take his yoke upon us and learn from him for, he says, I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. See, be the kind of woman that people can find rest in. Pastor John describes the word as it's used here in 1 Peter 3 as denoting a humble and meek attitude expressed in patient submissiveness. Wayne Grudem says in his commentary, it means not insistent on one's own rights or not pushy, not selfishly assertive, not demanding one's own way. And then another commentator writes that to be gentle in spirit speaks of an amiable friendliness that is contrasted with roughness, bad temper, or brusqueness. I think all of those are helpful descriptions and definitions. Biblical women have a gentle spirit. There's a softness about them. They're humble and meek and patient. They're not pushy or assertive or demanding. They're amiable and not rough or brusque or abrasive. And then our term, quiet, hesychios. Again, the commentators say it means to be calm, peaceful, and tranquil. It's the opposite of being restless or rebellious or disturbed or insubordinate. A woman possessed of a quiet spirit carries herself so as to be a steadying influence on those around her rather than someone who engenders conflict or sort of tips the scales. She's someone who is not emotionally turbulent or tumultuous or boisterous. And in fact, the Proverbs use that term, boisterous. to describe the woman of folly, the adulteress, who tempts men to be immoral with her. Proverbs 9.13 says, the woman of folly is boisterous. She is naive and knows nothing. And she sits at the doorway of her home, calling to the men who pass by, saying, stolen water is sweet and bread eaten in secret is pleasant. In other words, come here and let's do something wrong, forbidden. Proverbs 7 verse 11 says, the adulteress is boisterous and rebellious. She tells men that her husband is gone on a long journey and she's prepared her bed for him. Come and let us drink our fill of love until morning. Proverbs 7, 18. You say, how in the world is adulteress the opposite of quiet? Well, it's the same disquiet of emotional turbulence That inability to bridle one's temper, that inclination that just has to give vent to what's inside. That lack of self-control. And that disquiet that draws attention to oneself. The Hebrew term that gets translated boisterous is the word hama and the lexicons define it as to be restless or turbulent or to roar. It's used that way in 1 Kings 1 41 where Joab asks, why is the city making such an uproar? Right, the woman who is possessed of a quiet spirit isn't uproarious. A quiet spirit is the opposite of the disposition described by that silly song lyric from the 70s, I am woman, hear me roar. It's the opposite of the disposition represented by a new book I came across this week written by a professing Christian woman entitled, I Will Not Shut Up. That's the way the boisterous woman speaks. That's the way the woman of folly speaks. That's the way the adulterous speaks. Hear me roar, I am strong, I am invincible. No, you're not. Don't be ridiculous. The biblical woman doesn't roar. She isn't imposing or harsh or abrasive or assertive or loud. She has the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. And then quiet is not only the opposite of boisterous, it's also the opposite of being contentious. Which means it doesn't necessarily, quietness is not achieved with a low volume. It's not achieved without a low volume, but it's not achieved only by a low volume. Because somebody who is emotionally turbulent is going to be involved in quite a lot of conflict. Someone who has a quiet spirit is someone who is peaceful. and not just peaceful but peaceable, someone who makes peace rather than someone who stirs strife and thrives on contention. This woman is easily entreatable and not difficult or self-willed. She's reconcilable and eager to forgive and doesn't nurse bitterness or hold grudges. The Proverbs also have much to say about the contentious woman and there's enough of an emphasis there that I think it's worth turning to some of these passages in Proverbs chapter 21 to start out with. Proverbs chapter 21 and verse nine, the sage says, it is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman. And Solomon thought so much of that notion that he repeated himself in Proverbs 25, 24. The identical sentence appears there. Better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman. If you look at Proverbs 21, 19, he says, it is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman. The New English translation renders that a quarrelsome and easily provoked woman. Better to live in a desert, deprived of the bare necessities of life, than with a woman who is poised for conflict. Back in chapter 19 of Proverbs and verse 13, we read that a foolish son is destruction to his father and the contentions of a wife are a constant dripping. We had a constant dripping here not too long ago, right? When it rained and we had the buckets out and it's not a pleasant thing. Similarly, Proverbs 27, 15 says that a constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike. It's like raindrops falling from an overfilled gutter, dripping onto some metal surface over and over and over again all day. A woman who is constantly spoiling for a fight, who's constantly finding fault, who's constantly nagging and picking specks out of the eyes of those around her, constantly needling is like that. That's not me saying that, right? That's the Bible, that's the Holy Spirit of God saying that. You need to know where you can direct your ire. The next verse, Proverbs 27, 16, says, he who would restrain her, that is, restrain this contentious woman, restrains the wind and grasps oil with his right hand. See, if you're someone who can't be restrained, You're out of control. You don't have a gentle and quiet spirit. Why does this book of wisdom, this inspired manual for skilled living, make so much of the contentious woman? Well, because it's a problem, ladies. It's an area of natural temptation given your constitution in a fallen world. Just as men are more naturally given to be pugnacious, to express their anger in physical altercation, so also women are more naturally given to be contentious and to express their anger in social and emotional altercation. There are some people in life who really seem, men and women, who really seem like they just can't be happy unless they're miserable. It is almost as if with some of them, at least, that they stir up dissension and strife for sport, perhaps so that they can just keep the attention off of their own sin. If you cause enough of a problem, nobody will start asking you the hard questions about yourself because they don't want to be exhausted by a long, drawn-out fight. You can be sure God is judging you when that's happening, when he takes you away from the sharpening correction of brothers and sisters in Christ. So don't be the kind of woman of whom it is said, if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. You ever hear that? I've heard it, it makes me sick. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy? Boy, that's a shrew of a mama. Or the phrase, happy wife, happy life. All right, there's a version of that that is noble. But ladies, don't be someone who has to be pacified for there to be peace in the home. Oh, mama's not happy. Buckle up. That's not a gentle and quiet spirit, friends. Be amiable, be entreatable, reconcilable, peaceable. Listen, be more difficult to offend than you are difficult to please. Let it go. Be quick to overlook a transgression, Proverbs 19 11. Be easy. In Titus chapter two, verses four and five, Paul instructs the older women to train the younger women to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind. Oh, look what's happening. The lights are going out on me. Somebody's got the controls back there. The contentious woman is in the back. That's all right, I expected to be drawn and quartered by now. Titus 2, 4, and 5 teach the young women to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands. You just want to be a kind person. Because if nothing else, you have been shown such lavish, undeserved kindness by God in the gospel of Christ. Then someone who has been the recipient of such mercy just cannot fail to be merciful themselves. Blessed are the merciful, the Lord Jesus says, for they shall receive mercy. Pastor John comments on Titus 2 5 and says they are to be gentle, considerate, amiable, congenial, sympathetic, even with those who are undeserving and unkind to them. And so biblical women are not abrasive and loud. They are gentle and quiet. Their character, their demeanor, their attitude, their speech are all marked by the inward imperishable beauty of gentleness and quietness, of a placid peacefulness that brings steadiness rather than tumult. And it is beautiful to know people who are ruled by such a spirit, isn't it? The entire point that Peter's making in 1 Peter 3 1-6 is that, ladies, if you want to win over your unbelieving or disobedient husband, if you want to win that man over to the truth, the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is so much more attractive than the fading beauty of braided hair and gold jewelry and fine clothing. Can I put it this way? Godly men aren't attracted to loud, obnoxious, contentious women. Godly men are attracted to the inner beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. And even better, God himself is attracted to it. Look at 1 Peter 3, 5. He says that the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit is precious in the sight of God. Ladies, if you want nothing else in this life, if there is a shred of grace at work in your soul, you want God to see you as precious. You want Him to be able to look into your heart and find evidence of His grace. As if He could look upon you and say, yes, my Holy Spirit has been here. And if that's your desire, dear sisters, then press hard after the true beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit. And it's a great joy as a pastor to know so many of you and know that so many of you do. That there are so many examples of this, especially among Grace Life and even throughout Grace Church. And it's my hope that those of you who excel at that would excel still more. and that those of you who excel at that would help those who don't excel at that to begin making progress in grace. And so we've found that a biblical woman is a helper, she is beautifully modest, and she is quiet-spirited. There is still more to come, but I do wanna speak a word of application to those of you who hear that standard and are tempted to despair or discouragement. Some of you ladies hear the standard of God's word set before you as living out the calling of your womanhood and you notice how far your practice falls short of your calling. How could I ever live up to the standard that God lays out for me as a woman? And the answer is, it's only by grace. It is only by grace. This is a lifestyle that is impossible to achieve in the strength of your own willpower. You cannot fabricate this kind of Spirit-filled, grace-produced life of humble helpfulness. It can't be, what's the word? Well, fabricated is one of those words, but counterfeited. It can't be counterfeited by someone in whom the Spirit of God doesn't dwell. It can only be wrought in you by the alien power of the Holy Spirit who does dwell in you and who applies all the richness of spiritual blessings in the heavenly places that Christ purchased for you in his atoning death on the cross. Dear Christian, if hearing this standard causes you to be convicted over the ways that you missed the mark of biblical womanhood, raise your eyes to the cross of Calvary where your humble, servant-hearted, beautiful, gentle and quiet-spirited Savior bore every last one of your failures away. And that goes for every last one of us. Ladies and gentlemen, in every way that you have failed to live up to the standard that your father calls you to, your elder brother has obeyed perfectly. and has satisfied perfectly. And because you are united to him by faith alone, the spotless robe of his righteousness is draped across your shoulders, and his purifying blood covers the doorposts of your heart, so that despite your sins and failures, you are already forgiven, and you are accepted by the Father. And because Christ is no half-savior, He is not only yours for justifying righteousness, but for sanctifying righteousness as well. The power to obey these commands is supplied by Him, as He works in you both to will and to work for His good pleasure. And so, ladies, wage the war against your sin in the strength of knowing that everything he has called you to, he has purchased for you, and he has provided power for to walk in. And to those outside of Christ, noticing that perhaps my failures, my consistent failures at this are owing not to being a believer grieving the Spirit, but from being one who's never known the saving grace of God in the first place. Dear friend, you are welcome to this very same Savior who lived and died and rose again in the place of sinners, who accomplished righteousness and satisfied and quenched the wrath of God for all who repent and trust in Him alone for righteousness, for salvation. And so confess your sins and your failures. Don't explain them away. The righteous don't need a substitute. Sinners need a substitute. Christ hasn't come to call the righteous. He's come to call sinners. So confess yourself a sinner. Your failure is to measure up and turn from sin and self and find true life in Christ alone by believing in him for all that you could never be. Let's pray. Father, we are thankful for your word which directs us in the specifics of life Even for those things that in our flesh we would stay away from proclaiming, in happy obedience we speak from the word of truth. to know your mind and your will for us. What a blessing, what a privilege. We could be left in the dark as to wonder what the standard of holy God is for those who are his people, redeemed by his son. But we don't guess, we don't have to wonder. We have the perfectly inspired, inerrant, infallible, authoritative, sufficient word of God that directs our steps. Lord I pray that you would send your spirit and make application where it is necessary that just as the men are called to be humble loving servant leaders who provide and protect with the strength that befits a biblical man. So also would you make it so that our ladies are beautifully ladylike and feminine, a helper, one who is beautifully modest, one who is gentle and quiet of spirit. May it be that the men and women as men and women of Grace Church are glorifying to you that we properly play each of our parts in the wonderful harmony of the orchestra of the church that almighty God who is in himself unity in his being and diversity in his persons would be glorified by the unity and diversity of male and female created in the image of God. Especially, Lord, in the midst of a culture where all these things are denigrated and derided, mocked and rejected, even persecuted, I pray that you would cause us to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which we've been called, not only to glorify your design, but to show forth the beauty of that design to a culture lost, drunk on its own filth. That we would be able to be examples of what the grace of God can reform a person into, can reform a marriage into. Let it be that those outside could look within the walls of Grace Church and see something so lovely, something so attractive, something so beautiful as man and woman living harmoniously and complementarily in the strength of biblical headship and the beauty of biblical submission, in the strength of leadership and submissiveness and gentleness and quietness. We pray that you would conform us to the image of Christ in those respective ways that make us men and make us women. And we pray that you would protect us from a perversion of these things which are so easily manipulated into something ugly and something lowly and something debilitating rather than something glorious. Protect us and get what you're worthy of in your people, we pray in Jesus' name. Amen.