Welcome to the Wilton Baptist Church, where we worship God, walk with others, and win people to the Lord Jesus Christ. I'm Pastor Steve, and our congregation is pleased to share this message with you today, and we pray it'll be a blessing and encouragement to you. Blessings as you listen or watch. Hey, did you pay the cable bill today? No. Didn't you have a lunch break today? Welcome to That's So Mature, the game show for married couples who want to go the distance, beat the odds, and put the relation back in their relationship, and build a loving and lasting godly relationship. What do you say? Want to play? Absolutely. When is dinner? Super. The rules are simple. When you hear this buzzer, you have the opportunity to rephrase a thoughtless comment and make it thoughtful. A chance for a meaningful conversation rather than a meaningless one. Scott, let's start with you. Welcome to round one of That's So Mature. Scott, you began the conversation insinuating that your wife should have been able to pay the bill while she was at work. How can you rephrase that and make it more positive, an engaging encounter? Um... Hi. Um... Sweetheart, uh... Why didn't you have time to pay the bill today? What? What's wrong with that? The answer we were looking for was, how was your day? How was your day? That's implied, isn't it? Okay, all right. How was your day today, sweetheart? Super, excellent work, Scott. Now, Sharla, your turn. Answer this question. How was your day? Well, I went to work this morning, and as I was driving, there was a guy driving next to me in a Honda. No, it wasn't a Honda. It was a Datsun. Wait, no, they don't make Datsuns anymore. You know what? What was the car that your cousin Rick drove? You know, the one that we always said looked like a pregnant ferret? Anyway, he was wearing the same colored shirt you were wearing. So I got to work, and I walked in like normal, and Diane was sitting at the front. I wasn't even halfway through my day. Exactly. No one needs that many details. The question was, how was your day, not give me a doctoral thesis on your day. Sharla, try that again. Well, babe, to answer your question, I went to work and I ran some errands. I actually had a lot more errands than I thought I would have. which was not stopping me from having a productive day and included having lunch with my mom. Super work. Nicely done, Sharla. So, what's for dinner? What? What's wrong with that? What? I'm starving. And it's her night to cook. Yeah, I'm not really clear on that either. It's breakfast for dinner, by the way. Awesome. Love it. First of all, Scott, don't think with your stomach before you think with your heart. Take the time to let her know that you're happy she had a good day. Isn't that obvious? I mean, why wouldn't I want her to be happy? Well, sometimes I don't really think you care too much about my day. Of course I care. I'm sorry. I should tell you more than I care, babe. I got this. Honey, what can I do to help you with dinner tonight? Nope. That was me. I slipped. I'm sorry. That was a really brave offer, babe. I think you mean helpful, not brave. No, I think she's referring to the fear I have with those biscuits that explode when you open them. How embarrassing. And that brings us to the lightning round. That doesn't sound good. Two negative. Sharla, go. I'm confused. Excellent, Sharla. Good to express your confusion. Scott. Can I have a biscuit? May I have a biscuit? This is not English class, Scott. Do you want a biscuit? Excellent. Generosity always wins. Hi. Hi, babe. Hello? Isn't there a cash prize or something? I think that's me then. All right. That's pretty good. You know people are confused about what their roles are and what we're supposed to be doing and that's why we have meetings like this. Talk about what God actually wants for the husband and what God actually wants for the wife and why God created the man and why God created the woman. What we're going to talk about today Tonight right now is becoming a kingdom wife now There's a lot of confusion in our world about what a wife is supposed to do and why God created man Why God created woman my daughter charity is an excellent Bible teacher. She's really really good She teaches ladies just just rent and children. She's really really amazing when she teaches she teaches with a lot of enthusiasm and a lot of excitement and She was teaching her, she homeschools each of her kids, and she was teaching her oldest son, who is now 14, so this is 10 years ago, she was teaching him when he was four years old about the days of creation. And when she was teaching, even though it was just her and him, She was teaching just with enthusiasm and she talked about the first day of creation and what happened on the second day and the third day and the fourth day and the fifth day and she got to the sixth day and she said on the sixth day God created all the animals. All of the animals were created on the sixth day and she said then the last thing that God created. Trey do you know what the last thing God created was? He said no. The last thing God created was man and the Bible says Trey that that God created man out of the dust of the earth. That he reached down into the dirt of the earth and he molded the body of man out of the dirt. And Trey said, really? And she said, yeah. And then you know what he did? No. What he did was he breathed into his nostrils the breath of life. And man became a living soul. And do you know who that first man was, Trey? And Trey said, Darth Vader? People are confused about what, why God created man, and maybe it's because of that kind of teaching, but God tells us specifically why he created man and why he created woman. In Genesis chapter two, and I believe this is in your notes, in Genesis chapter two, verse 15, through 23, God talks about the creation of man. Now, in Genesis chapter 1, he gives us a general survey of what he did. He tells us that God created man on the sixth day. But he doesn't give the details until Genesis chapter 2. And in Genesis chapter 2, he gives us the details of the creation of man. and woman. The Bible says that the Lord God took the man and he put him in the garden of Eden to dress it and to keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man saying, of every tree of the garden thou mayest eat freely or freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil thou shalt not eat of it, for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die. And then the Bible says this, and the Lord God said, It's not good That man should be alone after he created everything else and said this is good. This is good. This is good This is good created all the animals said this is good He creates man and he looks at man and he says oh, this isn't good It's not good that man should be alone I will make and help meet for him. I'm gonna make someone that is just fit for him. Now, God has already created all the animals. But he reviews that, and he says, And out of the ground the Lord formed every beast of the field and every fowl of the air, and he brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. It's as though God knew how thick man is, and that Adam wasn't going to catch this very well, that Adam needed a helpmate, and he didn't want him to think any of these animals were good. or would fill the bill, so he says, okay, Adam, I've created all these animals, I'm gonna bring them to you, and I want you to name every one of the animals. And so, Adam has a need for a woman, has a need for a helpmate, so God says, look, I'm bringing the animals by, would you like an elephant? No, I don't want that for a helpmate. Do you want a giraffe? No, I don't want the giraffe. Do you want a skunk? No, I don't want to skunk and can dog be man's best friend. No dog is not man's best friend How about a cat? No, I don't want a cat and he names every one of the animals The Bible says an Adam called every living creature that was at whatever Adam called every living creature that was the name thereof and Adam gave names to all the cattle and to all the fowl of the air and to every beast of the field But for Adam, there was not found a help meet for him. Everybody say awe. Oh yeah, poor Adam, there was nobody for him. Now God's made that point very clear to him by letting him name all the animals. And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept. And he took one of the ribs and closed up the flesh instead thereof. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man made he a woman, and he brought her unto the man. I heard a comedian say years ago. He said he said no, we don't know why she was called woman It was probably because when Adam woke up he looked at her and said whoa, man, that's exactly what I've been woman But what Bible I've been wanting but the Bible says and Adam said this is now bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh She shall be called woman because she was taken out of the man. So God made man He realized man did not do good on his own. So he made a help that was fit for him And then God made the man happy, and then God made the man make a commitment. God called the man, allowed Adam to have the woman. So understand this, that God created the wife with a particular goal, with a particular thing in mind. The first thing that you need to know if you're gonna be a kingdom wife, and by the way, again, this is not politically correct. This is nothing that our culture is teaching anymore, but this is what the Bible teaches. Number one, to be a kingdom wife, you must remember that you were created to be his help mate. You were created to help him succeed. That is your purpose, and that's where you will find fulfillment in life as a wife. To make your husband succeed is your greatest accomplishment. When I read this passage that we just read, I think of a story that James Dobson told years ago. When his children were young, he has a daughter named Danielle and a little boy named Ryan. And one day his wife, Shirley, came walking into his office and she said, honey, I'm leaving. and I'm leaving Danielle and I'm leaving Ryan with you here in the house. So you take care of him. You need to be aware." He said, yeah, no problem. She said, no, no, I'm going to be gone and you're going to be alone with them. And so they're in your care and I'll be gone for an hour or two, but they're totally and completely in your care. She said, he said, I'll take care of this. No problem. And so he walks her out to the front door. When he walks out of his office, he walked through the den, and there in the den was Danielle and Ryan, and they were playing together. And he walked her to the front door, kissed her goodbye, shut the front door, walked by, they were still playing in the den, walked into his office and sat down and began to work. He's working there, just doing what he needs to do. About 45 minutes went by and he realized, hey, it's quiet. There's no noise out there. And he gets up to go check on the kids, and Danielle is still sitting where she was sitting 45 minutes before, but Ryan is gone. And he looks around the house, and he says to Danielle, where's Ryan? She said, I don't know. And he gets a little panicked, and he starts walking through the house. She's got to be somewhere in the house. He's nowhere in the house to be found. And he thought, oh, no. So he goes out the front door. There's nothing out in the front yard. Nobody's there. And he's thinking, oh, my goodness. And now he's starting to panic a little bit more. He said, I wasn't so concerned about Ryan as I was about what Shirley was going to do to me when she came home and Ryan wasn't there. And so he, a little panicked about that, he goes out to the backyard. Out in the backyard, he sat out in the, there was a drive out in back of their house, and he could look out there, an alleyway, and in that alleyway, there was a truck that was sitting, and the tailgate was down on that truck, and on that tailgate, there was Ryan. Ryan's hanging off the back of that tailgate, and his feet are dangling, and they're sort of kicking as he's hanging off there. And as he starts running up there, and as he's getting up there, he's hearing Ryan say something, but he can't figure out exactly what he's saying. He gets a little closer, and he hears him saying, Somebody help the boy. The boy needs help. Will somebody help the boy? I think about that when I think of this passage of scripture. It's God. God looks at Adam, and he said, that boy needs help. He's not going to make it by himself. He's not going to do it by himself. Now, men will say, I'm a man. I can do this. Nobody's going to tell me. I can do what I need to do. I don't need anybody. But that's a lie. The Bible says that God created man with a need. With a need. And just like Ryan, your husband is somebody who needs you. It's not a matter of just one. He needs you. If you're married, you're married to a man who needs you. In the 1960s, the youngest president to ever be elected was John F. Kennedy. When John F. Kennedy was elected, it became just a worldwide storm of admiration for the Kennedys. He was invited right after his inauguration to go to Europe and to tour all the European capitals and meet with all the leaders of the European nations. Again, the inauguration took place, him and Jackie headed to Europe. Funny thing happened when they got to Europe. As they traveled from one European country to another European country to another European country, people, the news media, didn't cover him. They covered Jackie. Jackie went here and she bought that. Jackie went there to this place. Jackie was dealing with these orphans. Jackie was over here. Jackie was here. Jackie was there. All the time. And in the United States, everybody was reading about what Jackie was doing. At the end of the European tour, all of the European nations got together for a final banquet with the president, with the new president of the United States. After he was announced, after everybody ate the dinner, he was announced as the keynote speaker. He got up to speak and he said, he said, ladies and gentlemen, I'm the man who accompanied Jackie on this European tour. And he recognized, he said, why did you tell that story? Because he recognized how important it is to, how important it was for her to be involved in his life and how much she, her involvement meant for him. Your husband will not be what God wants him to be without your involvement in his dreams. The Bible says that her husband is known in the gates. when he sitteth among the elders of the land." In that passage, it's like people say, wow, that's the guy that's married to her. That's the guy that's married to her. It's so important you understand that you were created to be your husband's helpmate. The Bible says, number two, that to be a kingdom wife, you need to be in subjection to your husband. Now the idea of subjection or submission is not a popular term in our culture today, but we need to understand submission is not a demeaning term. It does not mean that you're any less of a person. God the Father and God the Son are co-equal. They have the same power, they have the same abilities. But in order for the plan of salvation to take place, God the Son had to be willing to arrange his life underneath the will of God the Father. He had to be willing to say to God the Father, whatever you tell me to do, I will do, and that way the plan of salvation will be completed. That's the same way it is in marriage. The Bible says this in 1 Peter, it says, They also may without a word, that is without a word from you, be won by the conversation or the lifestyle of the wives while they behold your chaste lifestyle, your chaste, the word conversation just means lifestyle, coupled with fear, and the word fear there means respect. Whose adorning let it not be the outward adorning of the plaiting of the hair, and the wearing of gold, or the putting on of apparel." Now some people have taught over the years, over the last several decades, that this means that God doesn't want you to wear jewelry or to fix your hair. That's not what he's saying, because he says also, nor the putting on of apparel. And God does want you to wear clothes. So what he's saying very clearly is this, that shouldn't be the major things that's drawing attention to you. But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and a quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner, in old time, holy women also who trusted God adorned themselves being in subjection unto their own husbands. Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are, as long as you do well and are not afraid with any amazement." The idea is you're not panicked out by the circumstances of this world. God wants you to trust him, and as you submit yourself to your husbands, as you're in subjection to your husband, then you are really showing your trust and commitment to God. You need to, in order to do this, you need to understand what he wants to do. Find out what it is that your husband wants to do with his life. Get involved in his dreams. What is it that he desires to do? Questions like this, what would you like to accomplish this year? I'm sorry, I pushed the wrong button. What would you like to accomplish this next year? And then asking him this, how can I help you? What can I do to be a help to meet those things? Center your life around his desires. My son has done a great job building a church on the other side of Las Vegas 20 years ago. In fact this weekend 20 years ago he started Southern Hills Baptist Church and God has grown it immensely. It has been a great growth great thing. He is married to a little lady from Alabama. She left just like Anna left Pennsylvania to go to the desert. She left Alabama to come to the desert and she just left everything behind to help make Josh the success and God just blessed his ministry and just wonderful things have happened. But he would tell you right now if he was sitting here today he would tell you that he could not have done what he has done without her. His church runs around 1200 people on a week by week basis. He has a national and international ministry and God is using him in a wonderful way but it would never have happened without her involvement in his ministry. One of the greatest examples I know of this. is a man named Arlen Horton. Arlen and Becca Horton started the A. Becca Book Ministry. And you have an A. Becca school here. A stands for Arlen, Becca stands for Rebecca, and together they built this ministry. He would tell me, in fact, I heard him say this on his 60th anniversary in ministry with his wife. He said when he came to Pensacola Florida to start this ministry to start this Christian school when they interviewed him He said if you get me you get my wife She see she became his his lifelong personal secretary and she helped him do everything and And he would tell you today that the ministry of Pensacola Christian College, Abeca Book, Pensacola Christian Academy, none of that would happen without her. God uses the life's encouragement to help a man become what he wants them to be. This passage says that you will win your husband by a chaste life coupled with fear. The word chaste means pure. That's all it means. That you're living purely and that he understands you. The idea of fear is not trembling and afraid of him that he's going to treat you bad. Fear is fear of not pleasing him. It's a respect for his ideas. It's a pure heart that reflects your trust in him and a desire to please him. I just want my husband to be pleased with my actions and what I do. That's the idea of respect. You can win your husband. to your way of thinking by showing him respect for his way of thinking and by living a pure life before him. Wow! That's a promise from the Word of God. The idea is, in Proverbs, that his heart should be able to totally trust you. Proverbs 31 says this, who can find a virtuous woman? Her price is far above rubies. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoils. The idea is he can trust her. It doesn't matter what happens, no matter what goes on, he can trust her. My wife and I are, I said this yesterday, are two of the most opinionated people that you will ever meet. She has an opinion about everything. I was walking through the Bill Rice Ranch in Murfreesboro, Tennessee several years ago. We were in our 40s back then, so a long time ago, 20-some years ago. The founder of the Bill Rice Ranch was a guy named Bill Rice, and his wife's name was Kathy. Dr. Kathy and my wife and I became friends in her latter years. She was in her 80s and again we were in our 40s. And she was showing me around the offices of the Bill Rice Ranch. And as we were walking around I had her on this arm and we were walking down the halls. They were rather large halls. And I had my wife on this arm and we're walking down and she's saying, well, there's pictures of her husband and there's quotes from her husband. And she would say, my husband used to say this and my husband used to say that. And here's a picture of my husband doing this and that. And we're just walking and looking at the progression of the Bill Rice franchise that was growing. She has a very high, squeaky voice, so she talks like this. And my wife and I, again, we're just talking to her, and then my wife said something, and I can't remember what it was, but she was stating her opinion about something, and I said, I said, Mrs. Rice, my wife has an opinion about everything. And I'm just walking along, and she stops, and she pulls back my arm, and she looks up at me. She was a short lady. She looked up at me, and she said, Brother Tice, If a woman doesn't have an opinion about everything, she's good for nothing." And I said, yes ma'am. And so I learned how important it is for a lady to express her opinion. My wife is very opinionated and we've had very many discussions and sometimes they're rather loud discussions about things that we disagree on. And there's no problem with that. Here's the deal. No matter what arguments we've gotten into or what discussions we've had, I've never left my home wondering if I got home that night if my wife was gonna be there. My heart completely trusts in her. I told my kids when they were growing up, you find somebody who loves Jesus more than they love you before you get married. Because if they love Jesus more than they love you, they'll stick with you even if you're unlovable because they love Jesus. And that's so important, it's so important. I have total and complete trust in my wife. You should be, your husband should be able to trust in you. You are, your wife, your husband needs you. You were created to be his helpmate. Your husband needs you to be in subjection to him in order for him to succeed. And then to be a kingdom husband, you need to be available for your husband. You need to be available to your husband. I had a couple come into my office one day and they said they were fussing big time, having big marital conflicts and I asked them to go home for a week and I wanted them to tell me, to write out for me, what they would have to do to bring their marriage from a zero to a 10. I wanted him to write what he thought she needed to do in order to bring their marriage up. Because they had evaluated their marriage, I asked them first on a one to 10 basis, 10 being the best and one being the lowest. what would you say where would you say your marriage is and he said probably a three and she said probably a minus two and uh Then then he said a minus two two and they were just really in conflict So I said, can you just let me know just this is what I want you to do Okay, you want to bring it from a minus two up to just maybe a six or a seven? What would they have to do? And so they went home and after a week they came back Well, they came back She, I said, did you write out? And she pulled out a book. And she, I mean, she had written, she said, I really had to scale this down. I thought, man, it must have been a lot. And she just talked about a lot of the things we talked about in our first session, that he needed to be more sensitive. And there was just a lot that she wrote. When she got about halfway through her book, I said, did you write down anything? And he said, yes, I did. And let me just summarize what he said. He said, he said, the one thing that I'm concerned about is this. She used to be very passionate when we first got married. She wanted me to kiss her a lot, and she wanted me to be with her, but now she doesn't want that, and that's the greatest frustration in my life. She doesn't want me to kiss her. She doesn't understand that she's the only person I can legitimately kiss. She's the only person that I can be with physically. And it's a frustration in my life. That's all. And I thought, that's interesting. And she said, that's all he ever thinks about. But you need to understand this, that God commands your husband to think about you all the time. God commands him to. In Proverbs, the Bible says this. The Bible says that he is to be ravished always with his wife. That's what God says in Proverbs chapter five, and this is in your notes. God says to the man, this is how you stay morally pure. This is how you stay out of sin. Drink water of thine own cistern. He compares the wife to a fountain. I'm not gonna go into detail because we have some younger people in here, so I just want you to catch this, what he's saying. Drink water of thine own cistern, and running water out of thine own well. You drink from the well that God's given you. Let thine fountains be dispersed abroad and rivers of water in the street, and let them only be thine own and not a stranger's with thee. Let thy fountains be blessed and rejoice with the wife of thy youth." That is, enjoy the fountain that God has given to you. And from that fountain will come forth waters. This represents children that come from the enjoying of the fountain. He says let her be as a loving hind and a pleasant row enjoy her and let her enjoy you now He says very specifically let her breast satisfy thee at all times and be thou ravished always with her love That is you need to enjoy her and be with her physically love her in first Corinthians Again, this is in your notes. The Bible says, now concerning the things wherever you wrote unto me, they wrote to him and they said, they were writing to the apostle Paul in Corinth because Corinth was a city that was filled with immorality. And so they wrote to Paul after they'd gotten saved and they said, how do we abstain from immorality? How do we abstain from sexual sin? How do we keep that out of our lives? And so he's writing back and he's answering that. He says, concerning the things you wrote unto me, it's good for a man not to touch a woman. That is, if you're single and you want to stay single the rest of your life, then here's how you do it. Don't touch the opposite sex. Keep your hands to yourself. Don't get physically involved. It's good for a man not to touch a woman. A friend of mine and I did a study on the word touch because we wanted to find out exactly what he meant by not to touch a woman. and we found this to be true. We found that out of the 20, it's either 27 or 37 times it's used in the New Testament, the word touch that's used here is used again either 27 or 37 times. It's every time it means exactly the same thing. This will be helpful for those of you who like to know the Greek meaning of a word. The word touch there in the Greek, now this is really difficult but you'll catch it, The word touch means touch. So it's good for a man not to touch, that's as simple as it gets. That's what it means, don't touch. So if I'm a single person, don't get involved physically with somebody else unless you wanna get married. Then he says, nevertheless, to avoid fornication, here's what he says, let every man have his own wife. That is, to be with her. And let the woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence. Love your wife the way she wants to be loved. And likewise, also the wife unto the husband. Love your husband the way he wants to be loved. The wife hath not power over her own body, but the husband, and likewise also the husband hath not power over his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one another, except it be with consent for a time, that you may give yourself to fasting and prayer, and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency." That word incontinency means lack of self-control. So what he's saying is you got married because you couldn't control yourself physically, and so you need to be with one another, and the only time that you're not with each other physically is when you're fasting. So the idea is the comparison of food with this relationship between the husband and wife. It's as important that you have that relationship as you eat, and you eat three times a day. So I just want you to understand, God says it's important. Your husband, ladies, need you and they need you to be available for him physically. In fact, God says the way you overcome temptation to do the wrong thing is by thinking about your wife in the right way. There's an old movie that my wife and I love. Our whole family loves it. It's a Catholic movie. It's a Christmas movie. It's called Christmas. It's called It's a Wonderful Life. I love the movie. I love so many scenes in the movie. In fact, I tell people it's a Catholic movie. They say it's not Catholic. I say at the very beginning of the movie they're praying to Joseph and Mary. And we as Baptists don't do that. And they've prayed to God as well. But here's the deal. There's so many wonderful scenes in that. And so much picture of Americana. But there's a scene in there where George Bailey, who's the main character in the movie, and a guy named Bert, who is a cop, and another guy named Ernie, who's a cab driver. That's Bert and Ernie before Sesame Street. And so Bert is, I think, right here. Ernie is sitting in his cab, and they're talking. And they're facing the sidewalk, and there's a building behind the sidewalk, and they're just talking, there's three guys talking. Bert is a married cop, Ernie is a single cab driver, and George is single. And as they're talking, the bad girl of the town, her name is Violet Biggs, comes walking by. And she's walking by, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo. And as they're walking by, these two single guys notice her, as does the married guy. And Bert says, wow. And George says, yeah. And then George says to Violet, hey, Violet, nice dress you're wearing. And she says, oh, this old thing? She flips her hair. This is what I wear when I don't have anything else to wear. And she goes on down the street. Well, then Ernie and George say, whoa. And then he says, and then Burt says this. Burt says something very interesting. Burt says, well, guys, I need to go home to the wife. And he takes off and he goes to his wife. Say, why do you like that scene? Because that's exactly what Burt's supposed to do. He may be Catholic, but he got it right there. That's exactly what he's supposed to do. He's supposed to be always ravished with his wife. He's supposed to think about her all the time. He's supposed to transfer any bad lust to her so it's good. So he's loving her. I said one time in our church. I said, a husband needs to lust after his wife. And a wife came up and said, that's terrible. He's not supposed to do that. That's wrong. That's always used in a negative term. I said, no. The Bible says the spirit lusteth against the flesh, and the flesh lusteth against the spirit. The word lust just means have a strong desire. A husband is commanded to have a strong desire for his wife. And don't think your husband's weird. He's supposed to have that. God says in this passage that we've just read, not to deny each other access, except to fast and to pray because of your incontinency or your lack of self-control. The idea is very simple. Your husband needs you to be available. He needs you to be available. In fact, the greatest insult that you can give to your husband is to turn away from him physically. Ladies, you need to understand that. What does it say? It says, I don't admire you. It says, I don't want you. It says, you don't stimulate me. It makes him feel like less of a man. It decimates his self-confidence. It makes him angry. Why is he so angry all the time? Now, I want to qualify this last statement I'm going to make because I want you to understand men God has not given you any reason whatsoever to be unfaithful to your wife. You are spirit controlled. If you're a man of God, the spirit's controlling you. You should never do anything that is unfaithful. But I want you to understand this, that it can lead to unfaithfulness. The woman is a responder. She was created to respond to her husband. We're supposed to be like Jesus as men. And Jesus says it this way. Jesus says, as the husband, he says to the bride, come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you. Learn of me. I am meek and lowly in heart, and you shall find rest for your soul. So when we come to Jesus, we feel rest. He invites us as the husband. We come as the wife. He invites the bride to come. He always welcomes us. He's always ready for us to come. When we come to Him, He gives us rest. He comforts us. And then He shows His desires to us. He tells us, this is my desires for you. And as the bride, we are happy when we respond to His desires. Husbands need you. If you're married, your husband needs you to be available to him. To be a kingdom wife, you need to be attractive for your husband. You need to be attractive to your husband. That is, dress up for him. Women will dress up to go out, and in fact, they're taught to dress up and be sensual. But a woman should dress up from time to time, not all the time, but to be at home just with him. To let him know that you're doing this for him. The idea is fix your hair for him. So he can look at you and he can admire you. Wear a nice dress for him. Wear nice perfume for him. And if you're gonna dress sensual, and again, our world has taught women to dress sensual, do it for him. Because that's proper and that's right and that's holy. To be a kingdom wife, you need to encourage your husband. I don't know what kind of plans your husband's come up with, but sometimes wives can be very discouraging. Your husband may come up with a financial plan. Say, we're going to get out of debt. Or some spiritual plan. We're going to start having devotions every night. Or we're going to be in church all the time. Or some ministry. Let's minister together. Or we're going to start working out. or we're gonna go, I wanna go on a vacation, we wanna go to this place for a vacation. He might talk about family outings, I don't know. Whatever it is, don't mock him. Oh yeah, right, I've heard that before. We've been married for 15 years. You've been talking about that for the last 20 years before we were even married. Don't mock him, don't discourage him. Don't put down. Listen, your husband needs your encouragement. He needs you to encourage him with a plan. I am very impulsive. I'm a visionary, and I'm very impulsive. My wife is just the opposite. My wife likes to plan things out and have a step-by-step way. This is what's going to happen. This is what's going to happen. This is how we're going to do it. And we work really well together because I'll say, hey, we're going to go do this. And she says, well, how? I don't know. We're just going to go. We're just planning on going. How are we going to get there? What are we going to do? What are the steps? And she really helps me out. And we work together as a team. But sometimes, instead of working together, we just butt heads because again she needs a plan and I just have the desire. Sunday night after church is for a pastor for me it was always like Friday night for the average person because after church I'm finished preaching and I'm going to take Monday and we're going to spend Monday with our family and we're just going to have fun we're going to do something together. So oftentimes again I mentioned this that we would go to Disneyland it was four and a half hours away and so I would think Sunday I would be busy all day long after the service Sunday night I would think man I'm free I feel like I can breathe I'm going to go have some fun and I would say to my wife something like hey let's go camping let's just leave right from church and go camping or hey let's leave and let's go to Disneyland or hey let's leave and go to this and that's all fine she's all for fun but she would say David We can't go to Disneyland like this, because I'm in a suit and a tie, and she's in, you know, back then it was like dresses and nylons and, you know, high heels and all this stuff. And she said, we can't just do that. We have to go home. And the kids can't go in their church clothes to Disneyland. I said, OK. So let's go home then. We go home and she's packing up all this stuff and she's getting everything ready and then we want snacks to eat while we're there because we don't want to eat Disneyland priced foods and so she's getting all this stuff. By the time she gets it all done it takes an hour and a half and I'm asleep on the couch. I mean the energy is gone now and I don't want to do it. And I would frustrate her and she would frustrate me. So one day I come home from the office and I pull into the driveway and she said, David, come out here, I wanna show you something. She takes me out, she opens the trunk, she said, look in here. In the trunk of the car, she's got, there's bags. And I said, what's that? She said, every one of those bags, there's six bags and they got, there's play clothes for you and for me and for all the kids. They're all right there. And she said, over here, I got a bunch of, like potato chips and stuff, snacks for us to eat, they're there. So anytime you decide at the last minute, hey, we're gonna go here, we're gonna go there, I've got it all packed. So what a wonderful wife. She didn't criticize me, she didn't discourage me with my impulsiveness and my, hey, let's go have fun. She figured a way to help me to help the family. She figured a way to help me Lead the family and to have fun together with the family. So be an encouragement to your husband Number six be it to be a kingdom wife. You need to be present and interested when your husband's at home It's so so important that your husband know that you're involved in what he's doing in little things when he comes home Uh, get into what he wants to do. You say, well all he wants to do is watch TV. Then watch TV with him. Sit down and get into what he's watching. Uh, get involved in what he's doing. Uh, sit next to him. Let him know that you really want to be into what he's doing. Find out what he likes and stop doing what you're doing to interact with him. My daughter Faith married this guy named John. John came into our life. I was having a lot of fun. Faith and I just had a lot of fun together. We would party together. We would play games together. We would do stuff. And everything was great. She had gone to college. She had come back. She was our secretary. We would have fun together. We would be sitting in our house just doing stuff and then John came into the picture. When John came into the picture I would be doing stuff in the house and we would be doing something together and all of a sudden the phone would ring and she would say, oh daddy I have to go it's John. I said, what about me? What am I, sausage? Or what's the deal? And she'd go and she'd deal with John. Whatever we were doing, it didn't matter if we were playing, it didn't matter if we were doing classwork, it didn't matter if we were watching TV, it didn't matter what we were eating, John called and boom, I'm dropped like a hot potato. You say, well, that wasn't very kind. It wasn't, but that's what life is. That's the reality. She said, nothing is more important than what John wants to do right now. And that's the way it should be for you as a wife. You should say, I'm here to make, I want to center my life around his desires. I wanna center my life around his desires. Simple things. If he's cleaning the garage, go clean the garage with him. If he's washing the car, go wash the car with him. If he wants to walk the dog, go walk the dog with him. And then when he goes to bed, go to bed with him. Be with your husband. So, so important. To be a kingdom wife, you need to ask your husband questions. Very simple. And I just put these questions out because I want you to be aware. This is simple stuff. What would you like to do after dinner? Is there any way that I can help with those things? Anything that I can do to help? Do you mind if I just sit with you where you are and what you're doing? We have a 3,000 square foot house and it doesn't matter what room I'm in, my wife will come to where I am just to be with me. And you say, do you like that? Yeah, I love it. A lot of wives say to me, all my husband does is play video games. Then ask him, how do you play that? My wife and I were taught by our children a game called Settlers of Catan, which is a board game. Well, we found out that you can play that on your iPhone. So you can get an app and for $0.99, this is my kind of price too, $0.99 and it's for the rest of your life. You have this thing, so she's got one on her iPhone and I've got one on my iPhone and we play Catan. So if we're flying across the United States, it takes five games of Catan to get from one side of the United States to the other. We know that. She didn't say, hey, why are you always playing that game? She said, teach me how to play the game. So I taught her how to play the game. Now it's terrible because she cheats. She really does. She cheats. She makes up rules that I can't follow. First of all, in order to play Catan on the iPhone, you have to have three players. So we have one that's named the loser, and then there's me, and then there's her. And she gets to play the loser's team, and she gets to play herself, and they're both against me. And so that's cheating, number one. Number two, I go to, there's a thing called the robber in Catan. And if I use the robber against her, she says, that's not right. You can't rob someone you love. So she's got this restriction on me. So she beats me like four out of five times. She beats me all the time because she cheats. I just wanted to let you know that. But she didn't say, don't play that. She wants to play, can you show me how to do that? Sad thing is, when we show our wives how to do things, they do them better than us. But the truth of the matter is, you need to get involved in your husband's life. That's what it means to be a kingdom wife, and I hope that that's been an encouragement to you. Father, I pray that you'll use this. We've talked about husbands and wives today. I pray, Father, you help us to be the kind of spouses you want us to be. Help us to determine to be what you want us to be for your glory and your honor. In Jesus' name, amen. But then the next session is called How to be a Great Grandparent or When the Prince Leaves Home. How do you deal with children when they're leaving home? And it'll be a help to you. That sounds great. We'll have a video transition in a minute, but let's take about two or three minutes, two or three minutes, so stretch real quick, grab a snack if you like, scarf it down, bring your drink in here if you like, and we'll show a video in about two minutes.