Good evening, everybody. Let's open up with a word of prayer. Lord, we once again praise you and thank you for this evening. We praise you and thank you for this chance to gather together to fellowship with one another. I pray that our fellowship is sweet. It is edifying to all as we seek to stimulate one another to love and good deeds. Lord, I pray that indeed we are. We do just that here in our lesson tonight as we continue to explore parenting. and disciplining our children and the discipline and instruction of you, Christ Jesus. And I pray that indeed we will find our instruction from your word. May your word be a light and guidance to us in all things. And we continue to pray that it will be our guidance in how we parent and how we structure our households and how we seek to submit them to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. And I pray indeed that will be the effect of this study, but only in as much as it corresponds with the truths found in your word. So Lord, may we be directed by it truly and fully, Lord. Again, to the glory of your great name. We love you, Lord. Our praise and our honor and our glory go to you and to your name. We pray all of this in the name of our Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus. Amen. Alright, last time we were here, or I was here, I appreciate Ken filling in for me a bit last minute last week, was filling it a little bit under the weather, but last time we were here, we were talking about John A. James' book, Help to Domestic Happiness, and his section on Discipline, disciplining our children specifically. This is in a broader section dealing with the duties of parents. So this discipline is specifically, of course, directed towards our children. And he noted in that section that this aspect, or this is an aspect, discipline is, it's an aspect of religious education. Discipline is an aspect of the religious education of our children in the sense that we are to teach our children to submit themselves to proper authority. That is the goal of our discipline, is to bring them under subjection to proper authority. And in doing so, what we are doing is pointing our children to an ultimate authority. Of course, that would be God's authority. He is the ruler of all. I think early on, on one of the first Wednesdays that I had the opportunity to be up here, I made a statement something like this. It was that the task of parenting is to bring that smallest element of society, being our children, up to be a properly functioning element of society. And I added this at the end, and this is the important part. to make them a properly functioning element of society in the world God made. This is our Father's world. This is our Father's world. He is the big L Lord of all things. And that is what we are trying to get our children to submit to. And the first step in having them submit to the Lord of all is teaching them to submit to the little l lords of our own domain. being the parents, them submitting to parental authority, the little L, Lord, authority in their life. If they can obey the lesser, obviously in us, if they submit to that authority, then they will rightly, or are more likely to rightly submit to the authority of the big L, Yahweh, Lord of all things. And we ended off the last time I was here with this statement from James He says happy the parent who has attained to such skill in the government of his children as to guide with a look You look at your children you give the eyebrow you raise the eyebrow tilt it just a little bit Pull the chin in a little bit look at them And immediately, they see that and freeze. Whoa. I need to examine my life right here. I need to straighten out. Something's going on. Dad's not happy or mom's not happy with me. They're giving me that look. And it immediately causes them to pause and reflect. And oh, should I be doing this? And that guides them back to where they are supposed to be. Happy is the parent who can attain to something like that. guide with a look, he says, to reward with a smile. To look at our children and to smile at them and to, and to that, that shows them or encourages them that, hey, they are pleasing to their mother and their father. What they are doing is pleasing to us. And that can be a reward to them. Now, some kids that smile might not exactly be a smile. I know JD, for instance, you can if he does something right and you just look at him as a good job, but or just give a smile, just a small little bit of encouragement. It shoots him to the stratosphere. He is so happy about that. He loves to know that he is pleasing to mom and dad, that his actions are pleasing to us. John Everett, on the other hand, you can look at him, give him a smile, say, hey, that attaboy, and he's like, no, cool, thanks. Very little effect to him, so that reward might not necessarily be just a smile that displays our pleasure, but some other way. But you understand what he is saying, that the reward to the child is knowing that they have been pleasing to their parents, that what they have done is pleasing to their mom and dad. And then the reverse of that, or the opposite of that, he finishes off and says, and to punish with a frown. How great it would be to punish our children just with a frown. Just with a small display to them of our displeasure with what they have done. Not necessarily having to bring the whip, the rod, the spanking stick, the switch, whatever it is to the table in that discipline, but to bring them to a point where just merely showing them some level of displeasure is punishment enough to them. That it brings them to some level of remorse or repentance. And they come around to doing the right thing. Happy is the parent that can attain to those types of skill. That seems to be the goal of proper discipline. Right? Discipline, we hope that it results or we hope that all our discipline will be is merely guiding with the reins. A gentle tug here to bring them back in line. A gentle tug there to bring them back to where they need to be, rather than forcing it with the whip, forcing it with the rod, forcing it with the cane. Hopefully, we can come to that point that our corrective discipline will again just be the guides of our smile, of our look, of our frown, pulling on those reins instead of bringing the whip or the cane or the rod to bear in our discipline. Now, he immediately follows up that statement about happy the parent that can guide with those things. He immediately follows that statement up with this. He says, occasions, I admit, sometimes do occur, and perhaps frequently, in which the interposition of a severe chastisement becomes necessary. And these are the emergencies which require the full stretch of parental wisdom. You hear what he says? The full stretch of parental wisdom. That doesn't typically happen with immediacy. Now, maybe we can train ourselves in disciplining our children in such a way that sometimes that can happen with relative ease or in a shorter time frame, but it typically doesn't just fly off the cuff. There's slow and measured steps in that. But he says this, right after that, he says, take the following rules for your guidance. And so he gives a few rules in helping us with that, in helping us with the full stretch of our parental wisdom right after that. And the first one of those rules is something that we seem to kind of bring up week in, week out, especially when I'm up here. But he says the first of those rules is to never chastise in a state of anger. Never chastise in a state of anger. Now again, we bring that up several times, and I brought it up in the sense that a bad temper is extremely infectious. It's extremely infectious. It affects the entire home. When one person has a bad temper, when one person lashes out in that bad temper, it affects every individual within that home. There's nothing more infectious than a bad temper. And I think as we've gone through that I may have mentioned a time or two that these guns are pointed right at me. These guns are pointed right at me. Never chastise in a state of anger. I need to hear this and I need this admonition quite often. Never chasten or chastise in a state of anger. Now something that I've noticed in me exuding this anger or whatever in my own home, something that I've noticed about chastening in that state of anger is that we typically do it to show a position of authority. I think that's what I try to do. I typically display that anger to show a position of authority. We've been offended. Our child has offended our rules within our home. And my wrath, my outburst of anger, will display to them that I am top dog in this home. Right? That's what we do. At least in the moment that seems to be the reasoning behind our displays of anger, our outbursts of anger, our lashing out to our children in anger and chastening them in that state, in that mindset. I'm going to show them who is boss of this house. They have offended the man. They have offended the man. little caveat in this. Anger doesn't necessarily have to be those, you're red-faced and you're shaking and you're really going to give them the what-for. It doesn't have to be outbursts of yelling or fist shaking or whatever that you typically see in an outburst of a bad temper. It can also be rhetorical. We can display or chasten in anger verbally. We can keep a calm demeanor about us as well. But vindictive words, not necessarily an explicit display of rage, but vindictive words or cutting our children down with our words can display the same thing. Can be chastening with anger. That was stupid. Why did you do that? You need your head checked, son. If I ordered a truckload of morons and all I got was you, I would have gotten a great deal. You know, something like that. It doesn't necessarily have to be some outburst of anger, outburst of rage. You're red faced and really giving them the what for in anger. It can be just those words. But instead, either way that we do it or display that anger, either way, and our words are just really raging through something, instead of showing our children that we are top dog in the house, that we are the authority that must be obeyed within the home, if that happens, what we are displaying to our children and oftentimes displaying to our spouses, is that we're not the strong leader. It displays that we are weak. It displays that we are weak. We are too weak to control our passions. We are too weak to control our emotions. And these are some of the things that we demand our children to do. J.D. will tell you that a common refrain with him is, control your emotions. Daddy tells you that a bunch, doesn't he? Control your emotions. That is a demand that I lay upon them. That is something that he needs to do in his life. Disciplining him, especially as he emotes quite well, he needs to control his emotions. But what does it display to him when I am telling him, when I am demanding that he control his emotions, when daddy gets heated and angry? and bursts that upon him. Daddy, you tell me to be strong and control my emotions, but you are too weak to do it yourself. You are not strong enough to do it, dad. What hypocrisy that we would be displaying to him. and me giving these outbursts of anger, chastening him in my anger. It shows that I am too weak to control my passions. It shows that we are too weak to show a selfless concern for others while selfishly giving in to our own passions and seeking to gratify our bad temper rather than promote their welfare. What we're trying to do in disciplining them is just that, promote their welfare, see to their welfare. And when we give it in anger, all we are doing is trying to gratify our own anger. I have all this wrath built up and I need to get it out and you are going to be my punching bag. And that does not display to them a seeking after their own welfare. And John A. James gives quite an illustration on this. And I think this is kind of why I like this book so much. Because he gives these little illustrations that paint quite a picture in the theater of the mind. and intends to stick with me a little bit so that when I find myself in certain situations, this picture pops up into my head. And it kind of brings me back around to settling things down or parenting in a proper way. But he does this at this point. He says this, no parent in such a state of mind, in this state of anger, can be in a correct condition to adjust the kind and degree of punishment to the offense. Now that's not the theater of the mind part that follows right up after that. But what he is saying there is that in anger, the punishment that is given in anger will never fit the crime. The punishment given in anger will never fit the crime. It will always tilt the scales of justice out of weight. It will be unequal weights and unequal measures. Both alike are an abomination to the Lord. If we are chastening or punishing our children in anger, it tilts those scales of justice out of whack, and it is an abomination to the Lord. It is a display of injustice to our children. We cannot chasten in anger. Now here's the theater of the mind part, okay? Right after that, he says, or, parenting in this state of mind or chastening in the state of mind. It is like administering medicine, scalding hot, which rather burns than cures. Now again, painting the picture in that theater of their mind, Whenever I start getting angry with my children, that is the picture that comes up in the back of my head. I imagine me taking this thing, this medicine that is meant to cure and help and promote their welfare. The picture is me pouring that into a pot and sticking it on my stove and cranking it up to 11. Seeing that it gets bubbling. It is hot. My anger is heating that medicine up, heating my discipline up, heating my corrective punishment up. And that medicine, that thing that is supposed to promote their welfare, then taking it and giving it to them nice and hot. Opening the gullet and pouring it down. And instead of that medicine doing the very thing that it was supposed to do, instead of it curing them, it injures them further and abuses them of the cure that they need. It abuses them of the cure that they need. Their welfare needs to be promoted in our corrective discipline. Their welfare needs to be promoted in our corrective punishment. and it cannot be delivered well in a state of anger, in a state of a bad temper. I hope that sticks in y'all's mind as much as it does mine. Whenever I get angry with my children, that's the thing that flickers in my brain and cools my jets a bit. Don't crank it up to 11. Get it off of the stove as quickly as possible. All right, the next thing that he states as far as helping parental wisdom, he says, patiently examine the offense before you punish it. Patiently examine the offense before you punish it. There must be a seriousness and a dignity about us as we examine offenses. When our children commit an offense, we have to have a seriousness and a dignity about us as we examine that offense. And going back to the point before, that cannot be done in fits of anger. It can't be done in fits of anger. Justice must proceed slowly and with measured steps. Justice must proceed in slow and measured steps. This is a rule for the state, by the way, right? Whenever you're arrested for a crime, what do they say? You're going to have your day in court. You are going to have a time when the offense that you have supposedly committed will be examined. in slow and measured steps. If that is fitting for the state to do, to slowly examine offenses, it surely is something that the home should do as well. The authorities within the home should do that as well. All offenses, even of like kind, should not necessarily be punished the same. I think I've brought something like this up before. Our kids love to run around here. Particularly my boys. They love darting in and out of here, running through the hallways, running through the pews, whatever. And we tell them, don't run. Don't run through the hallways, don't run through the pews. But they're five and three. They have boyish energy about them that is, right now, sitting in these pews, just percolating. It is ready to be let out. And as soon as this is over, the temptation is going to be there for them to get up and, oh, my buddies are running around, here I go, I'm out! And they'll be running around as well, too. Hopefully not, hopefully they'll remember, hey, daddy was talking about me not running here during the service, so maybe we should not do that. Right guys? But understanding that they are five and three year old boys and understanding that that energy within them is just percolating. It is cranked up every second that goes by. It is winding that toy up and releasing it ready to go. Understanding that if they do get up and their inclination is immediately to run, it is not an immediate, let's go to the room. you're gonna spank him. Now, you can also see that that same offense of us telling them to not run, they look behind them and say, oh, mama and daddy aren't looking and they're, woo, we're out. That's punished much differently than just boyish exuberance, right? That's willful disobedience and that is handled much differently than that boyish exuberance. We have to discriminate between certain sins and willful disobedience. And that is just as proceeding in slow and measured steps. I think one of the things that I mentioned in the first time that I was up here, one of the things that, parents need to do is within themselves, discipline themselves to have a habit of discrimination. And that's, this is exactly what I was talking about. Having a habit of discriminating between the offenses that our children commit. He lists a couple of sins here that we need to discriminate between. He says the sin of presumption, the sin of presumption when our Our kids commit an offense that they might believe was okay. It was okay for them to do this, and they didn't know. They just presumed upon this activity that they did, and they didn't realize it wasn't okay. Discriminate between that and willful disobedience. sins of ignorance, kind of along the same line. The child didn't necessarily know that this or that was wrong or right. They didn't know. And so they went ahead with the thing and it turned out to be an offense. You punish that differently than you would, of course, willful disobedience. And of course, sins of, as he puts it, inadvertence. It's more or less sins of accident. Sins that weren't necessarily planned out. It wasn't malice aforethought in the action. It was more accidental in nature. You again, you punish that separately or you punish that differently than you would willful disobedience. It is handled much different. And also, when the sentence of corrective discipline is delivered, it must take into account the disposition of the offender. When discipline, when corrective discipline is doled out, when the sentence is delivered, it must take into account the disposition of the offender. What we are looking for in disciplining our children is for them to come to a point that when they commit an offense, they have a genuine confession. They have about them genuine remorse. They come to a genuine repentance for the thing that they have done. And we should look for all of those things within our children, right? So, If we see that within our children, if we see that starting to show in our child before the sentence of corrective discipline is given or punishment is given, then punishment probably doesn't need to be as severe. Now, if a punishment was promised for X, for activity X, and they did activity X, That punishment needs to be doled out. The severity of it, though, needs to be considered. And if you are getting reactions from them that is what you are wanting to see as a godly parent from your child, measure your justice based upon that. Now, sometimes our kids can kind of get wise to that kind of stuff, right? And maybe pretend that this repentance or pretend that this remorse a little bit more than than what you would like. But again, as parents, as is developing within yourself the discipline of that discrimination, you've got to take note of those things and again, punish accordingly. What you're wanting to see is not fake repentance, fake remorse. You're wanting to see genuine repentance and genuine remorse from your child. Justice needs to be doled out in slow and measured steps with that habit of discrimination being applied. He then says, keep from threatening punishment as much as possible. Keep from threatening punishment as much as possible. Again, you can warn them of consequences for their actions. In that, you are somewhat threatening some punishment in it. If you do this, I am going to do that. If you perform Y or X action, then Y result will happen. And if you do that, that punishment must follow. Not another warning. Not another threat. Immediate action. They've already been warned. Don't continue the threats. Don't do the one, two, three counting or whatever. All right, this is strike one or strike two or strike, no, no, no, no. If the punishment has been threatened, if the punishment has been promised, don't give the warning again. Enact that punishment. Don't threaten or keep from threatening punishment as much as possible. Now, James has a little blurb in this section about the instruments of punishment. The instruments of punishment, you know, the switch, the wooden spoon, or a rubber tire, apparently, as some may have used in the past. Talking about the instruments of punishment, he says this, do not, Do not keep instruments of punishment, such as the rod or the cane, constantly in sight. For this is to govern by fear rather than love. This is to govern by fear rather than love. When we are disciplining our children, when we are trying to raise them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, We are not wanting to guide them by fear. We are wanting to guide them by love. We do not want them to act merely out of a fear of punishment. We want them to act out of love, out of knowing that mom and dad love and have a concern for them. That is why they do or don't do an action. They are not governed, or they should not be governed by fear, they should be governed by love. And I bring up that passage from 1 John. Perfect love casts out fear. Perfect love casts out fear. And that is in direct correlation, if you will, to punishment. Fear in that aspect is pointing to punishment, but perfect love casts out fear. And if you are governing rightly, if we are governing rightly within our home, hopefully we are not, again, governing by that fear. We are guiding by that look. We are rewarding with that smile. We are merely punishing with a frown. And the only thing that they fear is not the wrath of mom and dad. They fear our displeasure. They fear our displeasure. That is how we serve our God. We don't come to God. We didn't repent through the fear of wrath. It is his loving kindness that led us to repentance. We love because He was very wrathful towards us. No, we love because he first loved us. And love fulfills those commands, right? Love the Lord your God, love your neighbor as yourself. It is his love that brought us to that love. It is his loving kindness that brought us to that point. If he sees fit to govern and discipline our lives with that love, That is the model that we exhibit or exude within our own homes, right? He follows that up with saying that we should also not threaten what we do not intend or what we cannot inflict. I think Traver had mentioned that in the J.C. Rall book on parenting, because that is a way of over indulging the child. It's essentially letting them know that they can get away with offenses. If you are promising a punishment that you cannot or will not inflict and they get away with it, that is letting them know they can continue on that path and get away with that offense. That is overindulging the child. And I mentioned this quote that night he went over it, that Traver, went through that section in Ryle's book. This quote from James, and this is again one of those theater of the mind things, this thing that sticks in the back of my head when I think about this particular aspect of not promising a certain level of punishment to them that I cannot dole out or deliver, or I may, in the end, be too lazy to deliver. Like if I promise them that a certain punishment is going to be delivered at home, when we get home, that punishment needs to happen. You can't let him get away with it. You can't let him get away with it. Because if it does, here's what he says. A parent's denouncement should not be hastily uttered for children to laugh at. Should not be hastily uttered for children to be laughed at, or for them to laugh at. Again, in that theater of the mind, imagine that we become so flippant in our threats and corrective discipline to our child that they openly mock you. Can you imagine that coming from your child? You promise some level of punishment and then they look at you like, yeah, whatever. Imagine that coming from your child. I can't. But if I become lax in my duty of delivering what I promised as far as the punishment goes, that is a distinct possibility. It has a distinct possibility of happening. My child laughing at me, mocking me. Yeah, you promised punishments before that didn't happen. Whatever, Paul. Again, that's that theater of the mind thing, these things that kind of stick in the back of my mind when I am correcting my child and I am bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. James then goes on. to tell parents that they should be very careful not to encourage what he refers to as seeds of vice. Seeds of vice. You think of seeds, they're just these little bitty things, these kind of little sins almost, these cutesy sins that sometimes we can see our kids doing or having about themselves that they need to be taken care of. And they cannot be encouraged. He lists out several of them. He says, do not encourage lying and ill nature by smiling at a false or malignant expression because it is cleverly said. Now we all know lying, but this ill nature is essentially making fun of other people. Just because our kids cleverly cut some other kid down or some other person down with their words, it's funny, it's cute, ha ha ha ha, it's gotta be cut. It cannot be encouraged, it has to be dealt with. Richard, a couple of weeks ago, mentioned about being diligent to correct hyperbolic language within our children. where they over exaggerate certain details in the stories that they give. That cannot be a habit that is let fester within our child. It has to be dealt with. Hyperbolic language. These habits have to be squashed. It will produce in them a level of craftiness and deceitfulness that the Bible is clear in condemning. He says, nor nourish pride by excessive flattery or commendation. Don't foster pride or nourish pride by excessive flattery or commendation. Not that some level of these things are okay. Commending your children for doing certain things, that's fine. It's the excessiveness that is the problem. Again, bringing my children into the example of this, JD is one who often needs encouragement. That's kind of his love language. Words of encouragement. He enjoys being commended for things. If he does something well, that is the thing, again, that kind of sends him to the moon. If you compliment him on something, he gets the biggest smile on his face. He loves it. But you could see that becoming a little excessive for him. And the fact that he is so encouraged by commending him for certain things, we have to be careful as parents to not let that slide into pride, into his little heart. We have to measure our words with him in that so that we do not nourish pride by excessive flattery or excessive commendation. And again, John Evers is just the opposite. You can commend him for something, thanks, cool. And just kind of rolls off the duck's back at that point in time. He goes on to say, nor vanity by loading them with fine clothes and both admiring them and teaching them to admire themselves. Now being presentable and being respectable in how you look or how you appear in your appearances is fine. But having too high a thought of your appearances is not. During baseball season, I was talking to one of the dads on the team, and I used to go to church with him, we used to be good friends with him, and we were chatting, and his daughter just came up and almost barged into the conversation, and almost immediately went to how much her shorts cost, how much her shirt cost and how much her shoes cost. It was a lot of money, by the way, and she was very, very proud of that. But she bought into a conversation mentioning that her shoes were 165 bucks. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. I guarantee you, I will tell you, it did lower my estimation of that girl in my eyes. And also of the parents. You're allowing this level of vanity to stir up within your child. I told her that when you get my age, it's going to be just the opposite that you're bragging about. I got such a good deal on these shoes. You wouldn't believe it. It's not how much you spend on it, it's how big of a deal, how good of a deal you got on them. Also says, don't let revenge, or he says, nor revenge, by directing them to vent their anger upon the people or things that have injured them. Now, retribution seems to be a natural thing with children. If a child is hit or he's pushed down, the typical response from that child is to get up and hit or push back, right? This person stole my toy, I'm going to steal something right back from them. They have to be taught that vengeful anger is for fools. It is for fools. Ecclesiastes 7, 9. Do not be eager in your heart to be angry. For anger resides in the bosom of fools. Vengeance cannot be doled out by us in anger. It can't happen. That is again for fools. Fools. He says, nor cruelty by permitting them to torture insects and animals. Now, killing animals and insects that are encroaching on your person, fine. If a mosquito lands on you, I'm not going to let it suck my blood. I'm going to smash the thing. It's going to happen. If some animal starts coming after me or attacking me or my family, it's going to be put down. And then killing for food or for dominion reasons, that is okay. You can instill that within your child. Everything fine and good with that, but killing animals or insects for mere sport or thrill is not okay. My own son got onto me for that the other day. He found a little plastic magnifying glass or whatever And he was trying to use it to set a leaf on fire He was having trouble with it. So he came inside I said hey, come on, buddy. Let's go back out there We'll go out in the yard and try to set this thing on fire burn a hole through it or whatever we did Eventually it took a long time But then I'm sitting there in the grass and I see an ant I see a bunch of ants I see more and more ants right there and I get that magnifying glass and I'm sitting there trying to toast an ant and And JD's like, Dad, you shouldn't do that. I'm like, buddy, you're right. Shoot the dagger right to me. I shouldn't do that. Just for sport, just to treat an insect ill. It wasn't trying to get in my house. Now, if the thing had a line of them trying to get to the apples on my island or something, I'm getting some spray and I'm getting every single one of them. But it's just out there. I think they were eating a worm or something like that. Let it be. There's no sense in that. It's not encroaching on anything. Do not foster cruelty in them by permitting them to torture insects or animals. Nor insolence and oppression by allowing them to be crude to others. This is a rudeness toward others that is meant to make others feel inferior. Sticking your nose up at other people for whatever whatever reason. They don't dress right. Their hair looks weird. Whatever it is, whatever rudeness or insolence or oppression or crudeness that they would present to others to make them feel inferior to you needs to be stomped out. Instead, of course, our children should be taught to consider others as more important than themselves. nor envy by stimulating too powerfully the principle of competition. Now, once again, competition can be a great thing. And it is a thing that when tempered appropriately can be helpful to all of us. It's fine. Competition is great. But when we take it too far, it leads to, as James puts it, quarreling, fighting, murder. James 4, 1 and 2, passage I'm sure many of you know quite well. What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have. You want what your neighbor has. You're lustful for it. You're envious of it. You lust and do not have, so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain. You see that they have. You cannot obtain to the thing. That competition mind kicks in to the nth degree and you're envious and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. Do not foster envy by stimulating too powerfully the principle of competition. Now finally, the last bit of advice that he gives in this section on discipline. He says that both parents should join to support the family authority. Both parents should join to support family authority. Now, John A. James only brings up one point that undermines the family authority, but I'm going to bring up two. The one that he points to is the fond in quotes, this is what he says, the fond and foolish mother, unquote, that comes in to comfort a child in a way that counteracts a father's discipline. That undermining of a father's authority is completely unacceptable and it is detrimental to the child. We cannot have a fond and foolish mother that comes in and tries to salve the discipline measures that a father has given to their children to undermine the father's authority. Johnny James says this, in this way, children have been sometimes hardened in their crimes and set against their father and led to ultimate and irretrievable ruin. Setting a child's heart against their father is absolutely unacceptable. Now, if there is in the discipline some undue cruelty that the mother is noticing, by all means, moms, wives, address it. By all means, preferably outside of the presence of the child. And if it is seen as undue cruelty, then the man, the husband, the father should be the one to correct the issue in front of the children. This is likely done by seeking forgiveness from the child. There was undue cruelty, man up to it, seek forgiveness and repent of it. instead of setting the child against the father, that action, seeking that forgiveness, will likely soften the child to the father and is more likely to prove a virtue to the child that is worthy of emulation by the child. Now, a point that I will add to this beyond just the mother undermining the family authority, a point I'll add to this is that fathers, us men, fathers, are to be the lead in this family authority. Must be the lead in this family authority. We cannot push our responsibility to lead in the discipline of our children off on our wives. Not that the mother can't adjudicate offenses, not that the mom can't issue or deliver corrective punishment. And really and truly, most of the time, moms are going to be around the children more than the fathers, and they will end up having to adjudicate offenses and deliver that punishment more often than the father. the philosophy of discipline within the home must be set by the father, must be set by the father. And when we are able men, we need to be the ones to adjudicate disputes and deliver that corrective punishment. And of course, that needs to be done with our help mates by our side and supporting that philosophy of discipline within the home. All right. James kind of puts a bow on this section of advice towards corrective punishment in this way. So I will leave it with this quote from him. He says, where necessary, where necessary punishment is withheld or punishment that needs to be delivered, but it is withheld, it is a hating of the child. But the great object of discipline should be to render punishment unnecessary. That is the great object of our discipline. That is what we are aiming to do. To no longer have to punish them. The great object of our discipline should be to render punishment completely unnecessary. Put the reins of guidance upon the disposition while your children are infants and acquire great skill in these. And if you manage the reins well, you will have less need of the whip. We don't spare the rod. Where it is necessary, it must be given. And when it is not given, it is hatred toward the child. But one of those, again, nuggets to keep in the back of our head, in all of our discipline, in every little bit of it that we deliver to our children is the great object of that discipline to render it absolutely unnecessary. That's our goal as parents, not to punish them, not to have them live in dread and fear of our punishment, but to display such love to them and love them through that discipline, that eventually, with them, punishment itself, corrective punishment, will be rendered completely unnecessary. What an awesome day that will be for us as parents. Again, happy as the parents. They can guide with that look, reward with that smile, and punish with that frown. Amen? All right, any statements or questions Anything on that? The line between sternness and anger. Well, so sternness needs to be presented when the offense is imminent. Like they are just about to run or they're out of earshot. That kind of level of sternness or whatever might be necessary for the moment. Hey, kid, stop! You know, they're way out there so that the tone displays a sternness that communicates to the child you're in imminent danger of committing an offense. Halt there! That type of thing. Anger shouldn't be brought into that situation at all. So the line between that sternness is really just what you are trying to prevent them from doing in an imminent situation, to me. To punish with a frown. How do you handle it? How do you discipline it? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, I guess to the point that we were making earlier, there's some level of discrimination that needs to happen among the parents to decipher those things. Disrespect, of course, to the parent can't be, disrespect on any level cannot be It cannot be present within our child. It must be rooted out and consistently rooted out whenever it happens. Now how that happens or what specific avenue of discipline that you give to the child, usually that's going to be something different for each child. How do they respond to certain punishments? What is that point? Pressure point with that child that really communicates with them, but still communicates with them their Their offense in love deals with that offense in love So, I mean, I can't, I don't know of anything, I mean, my child is, children are five and three and not dealing with teenagers. I can't give a specific instance of them being disrespectful at that age and this is exactly what I did. And even if I did, I don't think that each child within this room would respond necessarily the same way to that specific element of corrective discipline. There's your there's your bringing in of sternness versus anger. Being stern in that instance, instead of bringing anger out, there was an eminence to the offense that they were displaying that needed to be handled in a certain way, and that sternness came out then. Can't let that bubble over into anger, where they see me really just ripping into them. But yeah, I guess that kind of answers your question. I don't know what the goal would be. Let's have a good understanding of doing good, feeling sorry for who you disobeyed. But I'm thinking how we relate to God. In our hearts, we're disrespected. And there's examples of different sorts of disrespectful persons we view. I don't know, but so when presented with what do I need to do? What level of punishment do I need to present with that? Like I said, the ultimate goal of it is to guide them with a look, right? So in that instance where you see them being disrespectful to mom, you go, and then they back off. That communicated something enough to them for them to correct that. Yeah, yeah, I mean some level of bringing, pulling the reins back just a little bit and guiding them back to where they need to be. Now sometimes they can't and that's when, that's that emergency situation that he was talking about where the whip, the rod, might need to be employed in some way. and the amount of disappointment that you cause being disrepaired. And I think we as Christians feel the same way. When we are sanctified by the word, when we read his word and it brings a light upon our sin, and we realize that we have disappointed our loving father, the one who has, his loving kindness led us to repentance. We love because he first loved us. When we read in his word things that show us that sin, that is that level of disappointment that we feel. And then when we as Christians are supposed to act, we are supposed to obey our Lord and Master out of a grateful and thankful heart, that should convict us. And that disappointment should lead us back around to obedience unto Him. Not to gain anything from Him, but to know that we have not displeased our Father. We are pleasing to Him in our obedience, in our actions. When the children are young, they have very elementary sense. They don't know sarcasm. They've heard sarcasm. They don't know how to be crude. They've heard people be crude. And so we all know that our children have little ears, and they hear, even as adults talk amongst themselves, they're hearing what you say and there will be usually you can see a repercussion of that. If you talk as a couple about another child, a loved one, a family member, somebody at church, they'll take on that that the authority in the home is a disrespect. And that's a thing for a man, and that's also a thing for the wife in her own way as well. So I would say take your time with that. To discipline disrespect, that's usually not how you're gonna give respect. You give respect and mercy. That's usually, think about the people you respect and the character traits. That's usually, which is why it's so, there's gotta be so much gospel in your children so that they don't become resentful. That you're creating a standard and holding the bar so high but you don't live it. Yeah, and if you were the example of that repentance and seeking out forgiveness from your children That is something that, again, that is that virtue that they will see is worthy of imitation. And not that you shouldn't have the structure you're talking about, which is wonderful and good, but there'll be days that you don't live up to that structure. Oh, exactly. Yeah, and that's why I'm pointing out. If we have those outbursts of anger or temper or anything that is untoward for our children, not displaying love towards them, coming back and seeking that forgiveness and showing them what it looks like to repent of that thing, that is something that has to produce great fruit within a child. Seeing that humility that you are wanting them to display, be the display of it. And carefully examining the offenses to the disrespect point, that's kind of the idea that we were getting at. If there's an offense that happens, justice is meted out in slow and measured steps. Examine that offense. Don't immediately react and boom, dole out the discipline. Make sure it is slow. Make sure those scales of justice are level. They're where they need to be. to the offense that is given. And she said, if you have a conversation with your kid, have that conversation. Don't exasperate your children unless they become disheartened Yeah, I think so I mean in if you are building character You're probably giving some level of command that either they are showing a lack of conformity to or they're transgressing Exactly the very thing that you were telling them Or is it beyond the ability of the child's attention span or something like that where some grace needs to be given to them? And that goes back to establishing the habit within you as a parent of discriminating in those arenas. Knowing enough about your child and their abilities and and their likes or what they respond to or things that they can and cannot do, knowing enough about it to not lay something in front of them that is going to lead to exasperating them and leading to that disheartening of them. is we're putting a task before them that they're constantly going to fail at, and you're constantly going to be ripping into them about it, or getting onto them about it, or disciplining them for it, that does lead to that level of exasperation within the child. And again, Paul warns against that because it disheartens the child. Well, it is. I think you could probably classify that as one of those seeds of vice. You could add that to that list, maybe. Don't let laziness set into your child. So yeah, I mean, it's appropriate to discipline the laziness out of them, if you will. But how that's done, again, that is a level of discrimination that is upon the parents. I guarantee you every parent is walking that line with you. Kristen? So, and I would fit, I think, was I would slow down to just or the physical music. All right, well, let's wrap it up with a word of prayer, and then we'll sing one last song. Heavenly Father, we again plead with you and pray, Lord, that you will move within us to edify us, to build us up into being parents that bring you great glory and honor, that will lead our children well, that will lead our households well. Lord, help us to be ones who indeed display that grace, that mercy, that love that you have displayed towards us, towards our children, Lord. And I pray that every aspect of our raising them in the discipline and instruction of you will serve to be a wonderful means of grace to them, ultimately to all of their salvation. Lord, we pray for every child within these walls, within our homes, within our households. We pray for the salvation of them, Lord. We pray that they will be useful members within your kingdom. Lord, that we can adequately fit their hands to the plow and see to it that they do not look back to prove themselves not useful for your kingdom, but indeed they will find themselves very fruitful in your kingdom. A hundredfold, Lord, we pray a hundredfold for them. Use us as means of grace to them, to parent them well, to love them well, to again, display that grace and mercy that you have displayed and lavished upon us. May it be evident within our households. May it be evident to our children, to the glory of your great name. We love you, Lord. I'll praise and I'll honor and I'll glory go to you into your name. We pray it in Christ's name. Amen.