Well, parenting is not for lazy and passive people. It's a solemn and demanding responsibility that is of great value before the living God. It is through parenting that God has designed that we as parents should be the primary and consistent and faithful instruments for the forming and shaping of the character of our children. So that in them, We create a God consciousness in them. We create a submissive spirit to the word of the living God. And so it is something that is demanding. It's a hard task. for you and me that are parents. And this task has been made even more demanding and harder because of the complex world we now live in. 20 or more years ago, the parenting challenges that we are confronted with today would have been unthinkable. would have been a strange reality. But times have changed. And the single most significant change that has brought about these parenting challenges is the internet and the unprecedented digital innovation that it has brought about. The internet and the smartphone have brought about a sudden explosion of the vastness of the world that our children live in. Those of you who are probably around my age or slightly older than I am, remember that depending on where you grew up, we grew up playing on swings. We grew up climbing trees. We grew up spending a lot of time playing with friends outside the home, but close to home in all kinds and manner of amusements. But here we are today. Our children can meet hundreds and sometimes thousands of people in the comfort of their bedroom, in the comfort of their home. Why? Because the internet and the smartphone and the computer have widened the world of our children and it keeps growing bigger and bigger. Their world keeps growing bigger and bigger. It's a world of new friends. It's a world of new locations. It's a world of new opportunities and new freedoms, new temptations, new feelings, new experiences, and new discoveries. And all of them brought about by a gadget that you hold in your hands. And sometimes as parents, we are tragically unaware of what happens in our children's vast world. We are talking about children who have been born under this internet age. under the smartphone age, a generation that may be popularly referred to as the post-millennials, or the I generation, or the generation Z. It's a generation that is most digitally connected, and to some extent, and sadly so, smartphone addicted. It's a generation born after the internet was commercialized in 1995. It has no pre-internet memories. The first time I had the experience, not personally, but watching someone sending an email, was our librarian at the seminary that I attended, the Bible college I attended. on the copper belt city of Ndola in Zambia. That was the first time in 1995. Dial up. With that irritating noise that you hear. for a few minutes before you finally make a connection and the emails that you typed offline begin to be sent and others are being received. 1995. Today our children are born in the age of computers, in the age of the internet, and so their memory is not something you and me would share with them because we came into this world when these things never existed. And each one of these kids have entered this world or will enter this world if they are not yet born, will go into adolescence in the age of the internet, in the age of the smartphone. This is the new territory which most parents in my age bracket and older ones have to navigate and with little precedent and prior experience. That's the world we live in. Post-millennials are usually always online, spending less time engaged in other activities, spending less time, depending on the extent of their use, with family, spending less time on their student activities, doing their homework, spending less time in all the things that are so crucial and important for their development, and spending massive amounts of time online. They are driven to their devices by social promise. They are driven to their devices by friendships, by relationships, while their parents, in some instances, have no clue what is going on in the world of their children. And that is scary. And so as parents, we face many challenges in shepherding these teenagers in the digital age. I got my first cell phone in April 2001. And it was so big that it couldn't even fit in some of the pockets of my pair of pants. My first experience with a smartphone was in 2008. But today, some kids are born with smartphones next to their beds before they even learn the ABC vocabulary. Like it or not, our kids live in a world of increasing digital communication. social media streams, texting, email, chat features in video games. These are only a few ways that they are constantly engaging with others around them and others so far away from them. Parents, if you have never heard of Facebook, if you've never heard of WhatsApp, Snapchat, WeChat, Instagram, Twitter, TikTok, Instant Messenger, et cetera, et cetera, then you are probably living in another age. And therefore it's important that we familiarize ourselves and we learn from God's word what challenges confront us today as we parent the post-millennials. And ignoring such a vital subject of life is a neglect of our duty. And we may unwittingly be giving to our children unfiltered access to perverted digital content. The internet and social media can be an addictive inlet for all kinds of sins in the life of a teenager. Pornography. self-centeredness, social awkwardness, dysfunctional family life, sleep deprivation, and the list goes on and on. These are the consequences of an guided, and uncontrolled use of the internet and the smartphone by our children. You see, as parents, we are stewards of the next generation. God has entrusted us with the responsibility of bringing up our children in the discipline and instruction of the law, Ephesians chapter six and verse four. And that responsibility compels us to preemptively and proactively know the world in which our children live. Understanding that world, the world of our teenagers. the world in which they exist when, and the world in which they think and believe that their life revolves around the internet and social media. If we care about our children, this is an aspect of our parenting we dare not ignore. Dr. Potrip, the brother to our main speaker for this virtual conference, in his book, An Age of Opportunity, A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens, says, and I quote, few things in life have the 24 hour a day demand quality than parenting does. Few things in life have such potential for unexpected difficulty and drama. End of quote. And so the reason why I have brought us to pause episode to the Ephesians and particularly to this section in chapter five, It's because Paul is reminding us that being children of light, as Christians living in our day and age, not only are we to express light, manifest light, show forth light, but also that we must expose darkness. We are to expose darkness and one of the ways we live as children of the light is when we live carefully and wisely and living with a mission for the sake of the light shining on others. So Paul in this section is urging us to do this. by making the best use of the time. In chapter five and verse 16 of Ephesians. Making the best use of the time. The NIV says, making the most of every opportunity. And he gives the reason why we must be so circumspect with regards to time. The reason why we must be wise in our use of the time. He says because the days are evil. The days are evil. The word that he uses for time is not the usual word. that speaks of the chronological measure of time. He uses a different word, a word that is important and a word that implies a specific moment or a moment that is especially significant or favorable. So in his own way, the apostle Paul is saying, seize the day. Don't let this opportunity pass. Take advantage of the moment that God has provided and as I address parents, Here is a moment that God has placed in your hands. Here is a moment that you have to raise up those children in the fear and admonition of the Lord. And that moment will not always be with you because children are arrows that you will one day have to shoot out from the bow. and they have to go into the world. They will leave the confines of your home. They will leave the prohibitive presence of you as the parents and the restraining influence that they enjoyed as they were growing up. There will be a time when they will leave your home. Seize the moment. The moment is now because it may pass away sooner than you expected. Take advantage of the moment. that you are going to spend with your children. So what this means is that time is to have this full or meaningful element for the wise Christians. And I say for the wise Christian parents. The days are evil. The internet is good. and the internet used in a bad way can be bad and destructive. The smartphone is amoral, but it is what we do with it. What our heart prompts us to do and tempts us to do, that is what makes it evil. And so Paul is saying we can redeem the time, the days are evil, but these days can be redeemed from evil for good by Christian parents as they discharge their responsibility of parenting their children. As children of the light, as Christian parents, We must desire to be such a people that give their minds to understanding what God's will is so that we will not live foolishly. We will understand what God calls us to do at a particular time, at a particular moment in the lives of our children. And one of the dangers that confronts us in our parenting responsibility, one of the challenges that confronts us is what has been brought about by the internet, what has been brought about by the computer and the smartphone. Time is short. And the work which we have to do in this short time is great. And it has eternal consequences that we have none of it to spare because when it is passed, it cannot be recovered again. So we need to do our part. We need to do it carefully and wisely and faithfully. making the best use of the time because the days are evil. The world of the internet is a messed up world of the good and the bad. And a child that is exposed to that sometimes goes through serious emotional and mental troubles that could have been avoided if we knew better. Well then, what are we to do as parents of teenagers, as parents of post-millennials, as parents of the young people that are so exposed to the world of the internet. Well, let me share with you some of the parenting skills and tips that we are to bear in mind as we deal with this particular age category and generation of our children. I found very helpful books that have been written by Ton Ranke. He's a senior writer for Desiring God. He's written two excellent books. One was written last year entitled, Competing Spectacles, Treasuring Christ in the Digital Age. And the other one is 12 Ways Your Phone is Changing You. I recommend these books to you, dear parents. If you can lay your hands on them and read them with your children, it will be very helpful for you to open yourself and your understanding to this vast world of the internet out there. What are some of the skills and what are some of the things that we need to bear in mind as we deal with the subject of parenting and the internet? Number one, you need to get educated about the internet and the latest technology. And some of you may be saying, ouch. Well, that's just what we must do. Well, some of you may be BBC. Yes, but you have to work harder. BBC, born before computers. But we have to work harder to understand this world and this ever increasing and evolving world with new technologies that are coming on the market almost on a daily basis. Where do I start from? sometimes you can get online and google in order to find answers. Read, talk to your children, talk to other parents, talk to experts in the ICT profession. Knowledge is power and too often parents who are powerless simply do not want to learn, do not want to develop, do not want to get into an understanding of this world. And because of your ignorance, you don't even know what to do. And you don't even know what you do not know about your children. We have to learn from the Apostle Paul. the book of Acts in chapter 17 Paul went to Athens in Greece and from the Apostle Paul in that example we are provided with incredible wisdom for the 21st century parent Paul was able to effectively speak to the business people in the marketplace and to the philosophical thought leaders in Greece. And this is because he knew their culture. He knew their worldview. He got into their worldview and was able to see and understand where they were coming from in their philosophical arguments. He knew each of their worlds and was not overwhelmed by their world, but with clarity of understanding, he engaged them with the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ effectively. And the biggest mistake that a parent can make amidst the seemingly endless evolution of apps and networks and gadgets that young people are using today is to run away from them and to have nothing to do with them. And so my encouragement to you, dear parents, is familiarize yourself with this world because that's where we are living today. So I would strongly recommend that you delay introducing the internet and smartphones and gadgets to your children until you have some understanding of how children use them, how they work, what is it that they can be exposed to out there. Become familiar with this world. Secondly, delay introducing the internet and the smartphone to your children. You see, it's not a question of we can afford it, and therefore, at whatever point that the child cries for one, at whatever age, the child thinks they need one, and we are going to provide one immediately. No. The internet, smartphones, social media, unwisely abused, foolishly abused, will cost the children and yourselves something very precious. It will cost them something very important and very crucial. And so we need to be very careful at the point at which we introduce them to this world. Well, COVID-19 has brought massive disruptions to the normal world as we know it. Smartphones were not allowed in most schools. And as one meme was saying, they didn't allow smartphones in schools, but the school has come into the smartphone. Yes, the disruption that has happened makes it important that children spend a lot of time on the internet. Because that is where, that's the platform on which education is taking place. And so parents have been encouraged to introduce their children to the internet so that they are able to get the materials from their schools. They are able to sit in this virtual classroom and learn from their teachers as they communicate lessons in various subjects. And some of the private schools, children as young as five, seven, nine year olds, are sitting down in front of a computer listening and doing a lesson. They are just teachers and doing homework. And their parents send the homework back to school when they are behind. Yes. These are the disruptions that have come about. These are the changes that we have had no control over. But the question. that you ought to be asking yourself. As you think of introducing your children to the world of the internet and the smartphone and the tablets that can connect to the smartphones, the question that you must be asking, questions you should be asking yourselves are, do they understand the world into which they are getting? Have you prepared them sufficiently out of the knowledge that you yourself have gathered over time? Are they responsible enough to navigate this frightening terrain? How accountable are they going to be to you and to God and to themselves? Do they understand the safety issues? Do they understand the dangers? Do they understand what harm the internet could do to them used unwisely? You see as parents, we must never make the mistake of thinking that because of our child's intuitive ability, to use electronics and we equate that to maturity. And so, well, they are ready to get into this world. You know, children today, even at a very tender age, would know a lot about technology than their parents do. They can set up the TV in order to watch something from the phone and connect to the TV via Bluetooth and you as a parent has no idea at all what your child has just done. They can have that knowledge and skill, but that does not necessarily mean that they are mature enough to handle this world. Because there is the sexualized conversations there. There is nudity there, which you may never know when it does come on their phone. Obviously, we are responsible to warn our children of this phenomenon before it happens, but they are virtually No parental filters to prevent a nude selfie from arriving on your child's smartphone, via text or Snapchat, even if your child does not ask for these things. And those are the things that we must sit down and discuss and talk about and warn our children about. So resist the pressure to give your child one until they are responsible and mature enough. and children mature at different ages. This is not something that you can be so prescriptive about, that it's only at this age that you are going to allow your child to have one. But I think as parents, we need to sit down. We need to see where our children are, how much they have grown in being able to make critical decisions in their lives, to be able to understand and distinguish right from wrong. But any age below 12, I think is too early. for us to give a smartphone to our child. Make sure they understand the pitfalls. Make sure they realize the consequences that are so real when technology is abused just as you would warn them of the dangers of driving. Teenage driving has killed so many young people. You also need to make sure they understand the dangers of online activity and the use of various technologies. And once you introduce your child to a mobile connected smartphone with texting and apps that enables them to connect to the social media world, parental controls are virtually futile. And for a child who is already spoiled and ruined, social media is a place where teens look for life and it's what costs them their lives. So we need to be very, very cautious about this. Number three. Internet can be accessed via many different ways. It can be accessed through Wi-Fi at home. Whether you are using a MiFi, you are using a router at home that is able to send the signal to whichever device that can connect to it with the password that is shared. There's that avenue. But there's also the data that you buy for your phone, the data that you buy for your tablet. So you must have a firm control of what is providing access to the internet for their phone, for their gadget. There are now routers that are being made where remotely, with an app on your phone, you are able to turn it off. Or you are able to knock off people that have joined. away from home, far away, you can even be out of the country and you can limit the number of hours that a child would be able to use the Wi-Fi and turn it off. And so you can take firm control of that. by breaking the Wi-Fi connection between the router, the router and the device or computer which is being used. And you can set up parental controls on each device that the child or children are using. You can control the flow of data to every device by controlling how much data you allocate to the children on a weekly basis, or is it on a monthly basis? Those are measures that you need to do. I think it is not safe to provide to our children unlimited access to internet if they are not at a stage where they have self-control and are responsible enough to be able to refrain from an abuse of the internet. You can also control their access to the computer so that there is a password for them to be able to turn it on. And so they can only use it when you have given them that access and permission to be able to do so. Number four, impose rules on the use of the internet, of smartphones, and tablets in the home. Impose rules from the very beginning. Let them know the rules, let them understand the rules, and let them commit to observing those rules and hold them accountable to those rules. Let them know of the expected behaviors. Impose a curfew on them. Let them know the family expectations that come along with the phone that you have given them, with the tablet that they have been allowed to use. And have your child or children share with you. their login information. Well, some parents would say, well, that is going too much into the territory of the children and limiting their freedom. Remember, we are talking about children that are under your roof. They are your children and what else, whatever they do should be under your firm control and firm hand. So you must consider limiting the number of accounts that a child can have. Let them not have multiple accounts of Facebook, one where they pretend that this is who they are, and therefore their parents, when they see what is there, they have no reason to be concerned. And then there's another one with a nickname, and it's a no-go area for you as parents. Let them have only one account. And social media also has so many accounts. Let them choose where they would want to be instead of having all of them. What time do they have to check all these? This moment they are updating their Instagram, they are on Twitter, they are on TikTok, they are on Snapchat, they are on Facebook, they are on WhatsApp. All that? How many hours do they have in a day? Break off the endless social demands. Preserve their sleep patterns. Set up parental controls on their phones. Well, very quickly, what are some of the methods that you can use to supervise and guide your children's use of the internet? Whether it's on a computer or it's on a smartphone or on a tablet, what methods can you use to supervise their use? Well, let me suggest a number of methods. I will not need to expand on them, but simply state them. Number one, regularly discuss your children's online experiences. Okay, so what did you encounter in the world of the internet in the last one week? How has it been? Number two, discuss the threats that are posed by internet usage. Know what threats are there, the dangers that are there, and discuss these with them time after time. Number three, encourage them to find constructive uses for the internet, the computer, and the smartphone. They can be used for productive things, God-honoring pursuits. Number four, join them in their online activities. Set times when you can sit down with them and watch movies from the internet. Play games with them, explore common interests so that you are not totally removed and detached from their world. You are part of that world and you can enjoy something meaningful and beneficial and noble and God honoring with them. Befriend them on social media platforms. You are not there as a spy. You are there as a parent who wants to know what is going on in the world of his children. Number six, remind them when they have used the computer or smartphone for too long or too late into the night, past midnight, They're still busy at it. They are online. They are sending messages, receiving messages, and you must be concerned. Who are they chatting with? What are they talking about? What images are they exchanging with their friends? Impose a curfew on the use of their phone. There must be a cutoff point. Beyond that time, they must not be using it. And have a way of getting around it. They disable the last seen feature, for example, on WhatsApp. So, you can only see them when they are online, but the last seen will not show. Tell them it must be on all the time. I must know what time you went to sleep last night. Last seen, 01.31. Number seven, restricting use if school performance deteriorates. Oh yes, there must be sanctions, just as there must be rewards for good behavior. And often you find that school performance begins to go down if a child is spending uncontrolled, unlimited time on these gadgets and on the internet. Number eight, set rules about which websites can be visited, what can be downloaded, and what can be uploaded, what you allow and would not allow. Let them be accountable. Because there are certain rules that you have made very clear to them. There are various applications and software that can be used to limit their access to the internet. Of course they come at a price, but sometimes it's worth investing in them because the deceitfulness of the heart is unpredictable. And the stage at which the children are their lustful inclinations are very, very active and alive. So you can use some of these applications. You can use some of these software on the computer, on their smartphones, on their gadgets. There's covenant eyes, there's integrity online, there's accountable to you. And I must be quick to add that all these are Christian filters that you can use. Don't go for filters that are made by the people of the world, that would not filter anything that you and me as Christians would consider vulgar, sinful, wicked. Number nine, monitor the web activities and online communication of your children from time to time. It's important that you do so. It's a part of your parenting responsibility. So those are some of the methods of supervising and guiding your children's use of the internet. Then number five, back to our main points, number five, the tips of biblical parenting and the internet. Watch how each child responds to the digital age. Unless they are twins, they will be the same age. But deal with the children according to their age. Be familiar with your child's online activity, including all social media accounts. Do not be afraid to ask them and sit down with them. and talk of their use and about their use of the internet and social media and create a safe environment for your children to report internet activity or online posts and messages that make them uncomfortable. They must come to you as parents, as their good friends and say, well, this is what I received. And together you can block. such a friend, such a source or report to the relevant authorities. Such activities of people that are up to no good. Some of the teenagers will want social media so that they can follow 5,000 people. Well, some of them would only want to stay in touch with less than a dozen friends. Close friends. So children would be different and treat them according to where they are and how you know them and understand them. And when your kids claim that, no, you have treated my sister, my brother unfairly, you have given them more time. Let them know that it's not about discrimination, but it's about maturity. It's about age. It's about the needs. In one child that might not be similar to the other child, your goal is to encourage their willingness to stand back biblically and be able to evaluate the voices and the fruit of their influence in the way that they believe is right and act accordingly. And you are constantly taking them to the scriptures. You are constantly taking them to God's word, that there's the fruit of the spirit. And if they are Christians, that they should manifest the fruit of the spirit. Galatians chapter five, and they must have self-control to be able to put aside their phone, to be able to log out of their computer. and attend to other equally important areas of their lives. Number six, we must give our children responsibilities and encourage life-giving hobbies. Life-giving hobbies. It's more and more common that our young people aren't given responsibilities at home or in the broader life of the community. God has given them many gifts to use and to share. So give them that opportunity and let them pursue certain hobbies that will keep them away from spending so much time online. And our children will thrive when they are given responsibilities. Let them do the dishes. Let them wipe the dishes. Let them participate in planning for the meals and in preparing those meals as well. Because they are bursting with new energy and with a lot of energy, let us harness that energy in the right way so that they pursue the God-honoring things. Are they musically inclined? Are they interested in photography? Are they beginning to love tailoring? Or encourage growth in these areas and other hobbies that they are interested in, and this will get them away from the internet and the smartphone, which decreases their likelihood of using these things in a very, very harmful way. In the digital age, it's not a matter of if your child will see something inappropriate online. It's only a matter of when. And sometimes these inappropriate images will come on their gadgets unsolicited. So we must bear that in mind. Number seven. Search the internet sometimes. Conduct random internet searches of your child's full name and nicknames to see if you pull up some surprises about their activity online. Check for images sometimes and videos in case your child was tagged in a post he or she doesn't even know about. If you find anything inappropriate, work with your child. Sit down with them. Have you seen this? Were you aware of this? Did you post this? If need be, you have to contact the service provider and share with them about what you have found, which either incriminates or implicates your child's activities when they are totally unaware of what has happened. But we can also use the internet to be able to communicate with our children over godly things. Let them subscribe to daily devotional material. And there are so many from different sources. And make sure they read and sit down with them and discuss with them what they read. and what they have learned from that. That's a very meaningful and productive and useful way of using their phone. Let them subscribe to some of these devotional materials. Dear parents, the temptations of our day take different forms than the temptations that we are faced by the people that are pre-internet. Although those temptations are different, the heart of the issue is the same. Will the source of our delight be firmly fixed and radically fixed on the unchanging and perfect creator of heaven and earth, or are we going to be drawn away towards something else? It doesn't matter what that something else is. It is something that we must critically think through so that whatever it is that comes to us by whatever media it will come to us, the danger of the temptation is still the same. Because we are all tempted to direct the devotion that is due to our God towards lesser things and the internet can become that lesser thing that their attention is drifting towards. That's what is at the heart of the sinfulness of man. that we love things more than we love God and let our children know what it is that they must primarily pursue in their lives and run after in their lives and show the way and lead by that example because you know what God means to you and communicate what God should mean to your children. And as the members of our family are exposed to the allure of sinful activities and behaviors, our job as parents is to remind them who matters most. God matters most. It is not a mechanistic response to us, but it is out of devotion and fear for God that they should act in a particular way. We are to point them again and again to the greatest commandment to love God with all their heart, with all their mind, with all their strength. And before we can point our children there, we need to be well on our way to that kind of loving relationship with the Lord ourselves. Our children should know whether our words about a relationship with God come from the heart or from obligation. Do we love God? Do they see whether we truly devote ourselves to pursuing the Lord or not? And the first part of our goal as parents is to become so enamored with God ourselves, so taken up with love for God that our children can't help but want in on something that is good. And they'll be reaching out for that which is their primary source of strength and the reason for meaning in this life. And it will rub off to them. So this is the age in which we live. It's an evil age and it can only get worse. The temptations we face will not change our need and we as parents are to love God with all we are so that we model and teach our children what it means to be in a relationship with God. It's a generational legacy. that we must pass on of radical Christian faith and convictions down through the ages as God intended it to be. When that is the case, we are in a much better place to address things like pornography. We are in a much better place to talk about and awesome communication that they may be entertaining because we'll be speaking with integrity rather than hypocrisy. May the Lord grant us the grace to be able to take parenting in this age of internet seriously, that we may conform, not only ourselves, but our children, to the image of the living God. May God shape us that we may in turn shape our children with the right message, with the right hope, with the right restraining tools that will always keep them in the straight line of commitment to God and love for God. Amen. Well, let us pray together. Father in heaven, what a responsibility that we bear on our shoulders as parents, as we deal with this generation that is so preoccupied with the internet and with social media and with friends that they have never met and probably will never meet and finding their meaning and their value and their place Help us as parents to shape them and to mold them in the way that they ought to go. That Lord we might honor you. And when we stand before you, we shall give an account that we did our part. And we tried all that we can. Help us our father and remind us to constantly pray for our children. praying for their salvation, praying for their spiritual growth, praying that you will keep their minds away and their hearts away from the vices of youth and the passions and the lusts of youth. We pray, Father, that we will be parents that honor you and glorify you. as we shepherd the hearts of our children. In the name of our Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.