And so like many of you, maybe, I have had a bunch of mentors in my life. I actually still have mentors in my life today. I remember this kind of, my eyes were open to this reality when I noticed that Tiger Woods, maybe like 15 years ago, top golfer in the world, winning all the time. I noticed that he still had a coach. I thought, why does he need a coach? He's the best in the world. And then it clicked. I need coaches in my life. I need mentors in my life. If he needs it, I need it. Well, it all started when I was 20 years old. And one of the pastors at the church I grew up at, he found out that I was interested in pastoral ministry. And so he said, John, I wanna mentor you. And so I was in college at the time. And so he offered me a job at the nonprofit that he started. And he said, I wanna give you a job and I wanna give you books. And so I'm gonna give you a book. And I want you to read that book, write a one-page paper, and when you give me that paper, I'll give you another book." And so we did that for multiple years, me reading these books and him giving me more as I finished. And there were the first two books. were the ones that were most impactful on my life. The first one was called The Measure of a Man. I actually recommend it on the back of the note sheets. And the second one was a book called Finishing Strong. And that book impacted me so deeply that even to this day, many of you know this, when someone asks me, John, how can I pray for you? Pastor, how can I pray for you? I always say the same exact thing. Two things, pray for the preaching, because that's what I've been charged to do here. But then second, pray that I will finish strong, that I'll finish strong in my marriage, that I'll finish strong here at the church. I just want to finish strong. And so then the reason that this impacted me is because the author of this book tells a story near the very beginning about the importance of finishing strong. He married a pastor's daughter, and this old pastor, who is now his father-in-law, told him, he said, just watch, as the author was just entering seminary, he says, just watch. 30 years from now, there will only be 10% of the men that are in your seminary right now who will have stuck it out for the long haul, who will have finished strong, who will retire in ministry. And so secretly he took him at his word. And so he took out a piece of paper and he wrote down the names of every man that he was in seminary with. And he put it in his Bible. And when he wrote the book, Finishing Strong, he said, it's been 30 years. And of those 30 men whose names I wrote down and stuck in my Bible, only two of us are still in ministry to this day. Most of them have fallen. So when it comes to ministry, that's the topic of Titus chapter one. And what we're going to see as we work through the book of Titus is that ministry is not for everybody, but yet the principles that we're gonna read about are for everybody. But to start us out kind of 30,000 foot level, we'll just start with this idea that church leadership is hard. It's not for everybody. It's not for men who believe and promote error. We know that, right? But we also know that it's not for men with questionable moral character as well. So if you're not there, open your Bibles to Titus chapter one. Titus chapter one. It's page 1100 in those blue Bibles. So remember, Paul wrote this book to his most trusted ministry associate because it seems that the churches on the little island of Crete were filled with Christians and even Christian leaders with questionable teaching and equally questionable lives. So to set these Christians straight and to get them all going in a more biblical, God-honoring direction, Titus is tasked, chapter one, verse five, with appointing elders, with appointing church leaders in every city where there was a church on this island of Crete. So the question is, which men should he appoint? What kind of men should he look for? What kind of leaders did the church there 2,000 years ago? And really, what kind of men, what kind of leaders does the church today need? They need men that are identified starting in verse 6. If anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. For an overseer as God's steward must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain. but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. He must hold fast to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction and sound doctrine, and also to rebuke those who contradict it. So with these words, Jesus, the head of the church through the apostle Paul is establishing the criteria for church leadership. This is God's standards for all Christians are high. And the standard is what? It's seek to be like Jesus. His demand for church leaders though are even higher. Set a visible standard and be a model of Christ's likeness for others in the congregation to follow. If you were here last week, it's 1 Corinthians 11 one, be imitators. Paul says. Pattern your lives after me, Paul says. Just as I, he says, pattern my life after Christ's. We live in a day when leaders say, don't look at me. I'm no role model. But listen, that's not biblical. 1 Peter 5.3, church leaders are to be examples to the churches they get to lead. I want you to see this, turn to Titus 2.7. Titus 2.7, here's Paul speaking to Titus, his ministry associate, and this young man who's going around church to church all over this island, and he says to him what every church leader should be able to say, quote, show yourself in all respects to be a model of good works. in all respects, means in every area of life. And that's what we get in these verses six to nine. He's touching on family, your family life, your personal life, your doctrine. All of these areas must be biblical. It must show an example in every area. No church leader should try to duck this reality. They shouldn't say, well, you know, God knows I'm sinful, that's just the way it is. Like, no, we should, every church leader should embrace it and take this charge seriously. We're to live lives that if others in the church followed our lives, they'd grow and progress into godly maturity as Christians. Far too many churches today lower these standards, deny these standards, ignore or selectively apply these standards. But as we saw last week, as we see in chapter one, verse seven, notice this is what church leaders, what? What does it say in verse seven? This is what church leaders, quote, must be. Far too many leaders in churches today do not measure up to these criteria. And when those men are not disciplined and removed from leadership, it works into the church a corruption that begins to spread to others. And the result has been and will continue to be damaged people. It'll continue to be a disgraced witness to the world as countless people will become disgusted with church, many just deserting it altogether. One pastor put it this way, quote, the Lord requires leaders in his church who are pure, holy, and above reproach. Anything less is unacceptable to him and should be unacceptable to his people, to us. That's why we're looking at this. Present leaders and future leaders here at Redeemer will be held to these standards. When these criteria are not present, a man should remove himself or the elder should remove him. Why? Because we don't get to choose what we do here. The goal of church is not to be creative. It's not to be innovative. It is to be faithful to what is written here in black and white. And that's the goal, to submit to Him, to do what He wants, and that is what He would want. So we're going slower than normal because all of us need to know this criteria. We're not gonna spend a week on every single one of these criteria, even though that's what we're gonna do today. We're not gonna do that as a pattern, but we are slowing down. And we're slowing down because texts like this matter. We need to know this criteria. This is what God expects from those who lead you spiritually. And that's not just here, that's out in the world where people are saying, listen to me, follow me, listen to what I'm saying about the Bible, listen to what I'm saying about God. These criteria help you filter who you should listen to. We need to know these criteria because really there's nothing special about these criteria when it comes to leaders. They just simply mark the normal Christian life. We need to know these criteria because maybe some of you here will hear this, and you'll hear like this is the standard for leadership in the church, and it will begin to initiate some desire in you like, well, maybe that'll be me someday. What church leaders are supposed to be, all Christians are to strive to be. What is commanded for all Christians is required for Christians who aspire to church leadership. So no doubt, a genuine Christian, as we work through this list over the next month, a genuine Christian definitely is going to hear this list and is going to read it, we're going to talk about it, and they may lack these qualities completely in their lives. That does not disqualify him or anybody as a Christian. but it will disqualify him as a leader, as an elder. Now having said that, I just say as I did last week, say this again, we should not imply perfection and we should not shove perfection into these criteria. Like in verse seven, he is perfectly not arrogant. It's not possible. Or verse 8, he is flawlessly hospitable. Every stranger he ever came across, he invited over to his house and brought into his life. Or he is sinlessly holy, verse 8. No, James 3 says we all stumble in many ways, and that includes leaders. But listen, how much we stumble and how we respond when we do stumble is what authorizes a man for church leadership. In other words, these criteria that we just read, every single one of them, while not seen perfectly, nevertheless, must be seen in indefinite, observable ways in a leader's life. And it's only when they are seen in a leader's life that he can be an example to the church. And as I said last week, and I repeat again, because you know, I know all of you memorized everything I said last week, so you're like, oh, I already, for the small percentage of you that may have forgotten, or if you weren't here, one author put it this way, look at the list that I just read and ask yourself, which quality would you want your pastor not to have? It's fine that he's he's violent. It's fine. No big deal You know, it doesn't matter. You know, he's not holy. What's the big deal? No, not at all Now as we look closely at verse 6 again, let me remind you of an important truth that helps us understand what God is saying in this passage. So verses 6 and 7 repeat this phrase, above reproach. And this above reproach is meant to describe the leader. It's the big idea. The rest of the list that we're going to look at in the coming weeks simply explain what it means for him to be above reproach. We went into this idea in depth last week, but just a reminder is critical for us. So all the criteria that follow in verses 6, 7, 8, and 9 explain what it means to be above reproach. So in general, to be above reproach is for a leader to have, point number one, a good reputation. A good reputation. He's to be well thought of by those who know him, especially those who know him best. He's not known for some sin. There are no credible reports of serious error in his doctrine. There are no disqualifying reports of sin in his life. Some support for this idea comes from Acts 6, where the leaders that were chosen there had to be, quote, of good repute, have a good reputation among other Christians. 1 Timothy 3, 7, in a similar list for leaders in the church, it says that they must be, quote, well thought of. This is well thought of by those who are outside the church. let alone those who are inside the church. 1 Timothy 5.25, the good works of leaders should be, quote, conspicuous. I don't know if you use that word all the time. I don't, so I had to look that up. And the word conspicuous means that their good works should stand out, that their good works should be clearly visible to all who know them. Now, there may be accusations against them, but the idea of above reproach is that they don't stick. His record is clean as it relates to the criteria here in Titus 1, 1 Timothy 3. So this is integrity. This is an uncompromising life. This is not justifying sin. This is an excusing sin. This is holiness. This is character. This is righteousness. They don't run away from these words. The leader embraces these words. Knowing all the time, this depends on God's spirit in our lives. This depends on Jesus working in our lives to produce this fruit in our lives that comes out of our lives. Absolutely. So the leader is not sinless, but he strives and he has succeeded in sinning less in these areas and in many areas of his life. So we often, if you think about it, we often require our pastors to be interesting or knowledgeable, maybe funny or relevant. You've got to be entrepreneurs or extroverts, or you've got to be super gifted or visionaries. But God in this passage simply requires them to be above reproach, to be godly examples. And notice verse six. That example to God's people of being above reproach has a starting place. And I want you to notice where it starts. Let's look back at verse six. It starts in the home. If anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. Those are the kinds of men that should lead the church. So I want you to think about this. At the very top of the list, the first thing that came to Paul's mind when he's like, I need to explain what it means to be above reproach. The first thing on his mind was the leader's home life. It's first for emphasis. His home is the top criteria on the leadership list. And the weight of this is seen in how many words are used to explain this criteria. You notice in verse seven, it's just bullet points. Not this, not this, this, this, this. But not when it was this family, not when it's his home. Now there's explanation. Now there's statements with further explanation. In fact, the same is true in 1 Timothy 3. It says, it talks, it spends two verses talking through what this is supposed to look like. Here, in this passage, in verses six to nine, it's knowledge of and his ability with the truth that has more words than his home. So as we think through that, what does that mean? It means that the leader's family life is the most important area to be evaluated when assessing his eligibility for leadership. A man's eligibility to lead a church cannot be divorced from his track record as a leader at home. His home, in other words, is a small church, and his family is the congregation. His family should be the criteria used to evaluate his competence as a leader. He's to demonstrate in his family the criteria that shows he could lead a church well. That's what it says, 1 Timothy 3, 5, quote, if someone does not know how to lead his own household, how can he care for the church of God? Answer, he can't. So a man is faithful in a small area in his home with his wife and kids, he can be faithful, he's qualified now to be faithful in a larger area, which is leading a church. So man is above reproach in his home, when in his marriage, he is point number two, a loyal husband, a loyal husband. The Greek is literally a man of one woman. or a one-woman man. The phrase one woman describes the kind of man all church leaders should be. The same phrase is used in 1 Timothy 3, 2, an overseer, a church leader, quote, it says, must be, it's non-negotiable, has to be husband of one wife. And so this has led to five different understandings of this phrase. And I typically don't do this where I go through all the different views, typically don't do that. But here's the thing I know, this phrase, husband of one wife, it could be easy for us to read that and to confuse what Paul is saying here. And so I wanna make sure that we all understand what this means. So we're gonna go through each of the steps and all the Bible nerds are like, whoa, yeah, nerd time. But seriously though, I wanna clear up confusion that this phrase might bring. that might be causing even right now, but I know that what I say now is going to set the tone for leadership here moving forward. So first, some people say that this means the leader cannot be single. I remember working with a guy, we're custodians together, and we're going back and forth, and he's like, no, this phrase means that there should be no single church leader, there should be no single elder or pastor in any church. Not sure that's what this means. First, 90% plus of people will get married. I remember being a singles pastor and wondering, like, how many people am I gonna be speaking to on this that are gonna be single forever? 93% of them aren't. So I need to prepare them to get married. Well, 90% plus people will get married. So this requirement, I think, simply assumes the leader will be married, but it doesn't require it, and here's why. Remember, the context is the leader's character, and there is nothing in the Bible anywhere that teaches that singleness is a sin or that singleness is some kind of disease that gets on you and now you're shunned. No, actually singleness is treated in 1 Corinthians 7 as an advantage, especially for ministry. There's freedom that the single person has, more freedom to do ministry, more freedom to serve people and advance the kingdom of God. And then second, Paul and Jesus were both single. So if your rule for leadership excludes the two of them, I don't know, probably not a good rule, you know? So what does this mean though for a single man? He must be husband of one wife. It means this, it refers to sexual purity. That he is treating other women who are not his wife because he's single, he's treating those sisters as sisters, as in all purity. Singleness isn't like the hall pass to just live however you want, now I gotta get serious when I get married. No. Godly singleness here should be an example to the other singles here, examples to the high school kids and the junior high kids. Hey, here's how you do singleness in a godly way. That's what it would mean to apply to a single person. It doesn't exclude a single person from leadership at all. Number two, others say this means a church leader should not have multiple wives. Now, while this criteria would definitely exclude polygamy, I don't think Paul's talking about this with the husband of one wife, and the reason is, is because polygamy was actually illegal in the Roman Empire. So, there was polygamy going on, like, it's illegal, and Jewish, Greek, and Roman cultures, all of them upheld monogamy. One wife was the norm in that culture, so for him to be outlawing something that nobody was doing doesn't really make a lot of sense. Third, others say this criteria means a pastor and elder must not be divorced. Now, the response to that is there is a phrase in Greek for not divorced, and that's not here. It's not used here. And the New Testament gives criteria where divorce, though not required, is allowed by God. Those are, one, when a spouse commits adultery, and two, when a spouse abandons a marriage. And those two examples, when divorce happens, the innocent party is not held accountable as sinful for the divorce, not at all. And so, again, that context is character, not marital status. And so in this context here, it doesn't seem that this would be describing divorce at all. And then third, there's this sense that if the divorce happened before a man was converted, and that the rest of his life after his conversion was marked by sexual purity, and that he's been above reproach in this area, then it seems to me that he may still be fit for leadership in the church. Number four, others say this means a church leader cannot be remarried. then they'd be husband of two wives, just like one at a time. So some say, even if the wife has died, that remarriage is like a form of weakness, and so that's gonna exclude him, he's gotta be stronger. Now, what the Bible teaches, like Romans chapter seven, if a spouse dies, it's great to get remarried. And then again, if the person's an innocent party in a divorce, that they were innocent, then there's, again, there's no sense that that's sin for them to remarry in the New Testament. And so, again, the context is conduct and character, not marital status. So what does this mean? What does husband of one wife or man of one woman mean? Well, let's take a step back and think about it for a second. Husband of one wife, well, that would mean, first of all, that in order to be in leadership, he must be a man, he must be a husband. And number two, it would mean that marriage, husband and one wife, it would mean that the ideal, the example for all the rest of the Christians to follow is one man and one woman. And so it's not homosexual. But really, I've already told you what I think husband of one wife means. It means that he's a loyal husband. That's what it means. It's faithfulness, it's loyalty, it's being trustworthy. He's a one-woman man. When it comes to his wife, this is what is required of every pastor and elder. And the same phrase is used for women in 1st Timothy 5.9. You can look at it if you want to, but it just says that when talking about the character of women, they said it is seen in her being a one-man woman. And this is clear that it has nothing to do with polygamy, because women never had multiple husbands. They're a little bit too smart for that. Right? It means, though, that she's loyal, that she's faithful to her husband. Now having said that monogamy was the norm in the first century Roman culture, it was also common for men to actually have three women in their lives. The first was his wife to bear children, the second was his slave for housework and for sex, and the third was a prostitute for religious worship where through sexual intercourse they thought that they connected to the gods. And as is still true today in many cultures that haven't been touched by the Bible, it is accepted practice for men to have affairs. And what Paul is saying into that context, not in the church. not in the church. A leader must have been and always remain faithful to his wife. Any adultery automatically and permanently removes him from being qualified for leadership. He can and he should be an active church member. He should be reaching out, loving people, serving them, but he will never, ever, he should never, ever be able to lead again. Just like you can only pop a balloon once, so leaders only get one shot at meeting this criteria of being a loyal husband. And when churches relax this standard, when they let adulterous pastors back into the pulpit, and when some misguided attempt at love, when they try to make a loyal husband optional for the pastors who lead them, what they are doing is sinning against God. And what they're doing is they're making loyalty and marriage optional. That's what's being communicated. It's optional for the Christians. No, it's not. The criteria is first, because God knows what we know, that sexual sin is the number one reason men leave the ministry. It is the number one reason why the witness of the church today in the 21st century is stained in the lives and the eyes of so many people in the world. It is the reason why so many are going, I want nothing to do with the church. It is because this has been disregarded. God may have tolerated, oh, and let me say this too, because of where we live, any teacher or so-called prophet who says adultery or polygamy or any other form of sexual perversion is okay with God is a false teacher and should be shunned, not followed. He does not speak for God. God may have tolerated it in the Old Testament. The Old Testament may just be describing what men did, but listen, God established the standard before sin entered the world. Genesis chapter two, one man and one woman. And he ratified that standard in Ephesians five when Paul wrote that marriage is a picture of the devotion between Christ and his church. Just as Jesus is loyal to one church, there's to be loyalty to one wife. He used to have a spotless, lifelong, unswerving reputation for a commitment to his wife and to sexual purity if he is single. However, being a one-woman man, I think, isn't just talking about some outward action. I think it's also speaking of an inward sexual purity as well. Meaning it's possible for a man to not be a one-woman man, and have never committed adultery. If he has lustful desires for women other than his wife, he's not a one-woman man. He must have a heart of loyalty to her, not a wandering eye. He's to be sexually, emotionally, and spiritually loyal to his wife. Being a one-woman kind of man must mark him off as trustworthy because church leaders get into situations that actually seek to serve the females in the church, and he must be shown to be trustworthy. Now that's the demand for leaders as a standard for them, but it's also the standard for all Christians to follow. And I want you to see this, so turn to Matthew chapter five. Matthew chapter five. These are the words of Jesus, and this is describing what Jesus wants from his followers. Matthew chapter five, it's page 898 if you got a Bible from one of the ushers. I want you to see the standard for Christian behavior for yourself. Matthew 5 dropped down to verse 27. You've heard that it was said, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Now notice verse 27, adultery is prohibited. Jesus doesn't say Christians can ignore the seventh commandment or the dozens of times that the seventh commandment is repeated in the Bible. So loyalty to one's wife is essential to being a Christian husband. Being loyal to your spouse is essential to being a Christian spouse. To ignore this and to have adultery as a pattern of your life is to prove you're not saved. Listen. This passage that we just read also does not make adultery equal with lust. So that if a spouse lusts after someone that means God, will allow you to divorce them, just like in the case of physical adultery. There is a difference between lust and adultery. One is the act. The other is the thought that may or may not lead to the act. It is the act that breaks the covenant made at the wedding. After that act, the innocent spouse, as I said before, they're permitted to divorce. God permits it, but God does not require it. God would push for very deeply for reconciliation and forgiveness because that is the kind of God that we serve. Now the phrase that I want to focus in on is that word lustful intent. That's key. This is not the quick glance at the magazine or the TV screen. This is the lingering look. This is the second look and the fourth look and the tenth look. This is the desire that becomes the thoughts that are trying to make it happen. Lust is what's happening with pornography. The glance is to be tempted. Temptation can lead to sin, but to be tempted is not to sin. So the man who pursues adultery if married, or fornication if not married, has sinned. whether or not he's carried it out because it is the lust that's driving and seeking to accomplish the sin. And this is what Jesus is saying. It's not just adultery that's sinful, it's the lust that leads to the adultery that's the problem. Not just for Christian leaders, but for all Christians, Christian husbands and Christian wives. And if this is a struggle for you, if this is something where I'm bringing it up right now and you're like, oh man, this is, is it hot in here? I want to make sure that I give you some help. I want to give you some practical steps. And so what I'm going to give you now, if lust is a struggle for you, I want to give you eight steps on dealing with lust. So on the back of your notes, there's a book called The Exemplary Husband. This comes out of that. If this is how you struggle against lust rather than struggling with lust. Struggle against it means to fight it, to fight it hard, to fight it to the death. Struggling with it is, that's a Christian euphemism for I just kind of give in and I don't really know what to do. Now we're gonna struggle against it. How do we do that? Number one, don't excuse it. Don't excuse it. Call lust what it is. It is sin. Confess it to God. Number two, make it a regular part of your prayers that God would work in your heart to change your heart, to turn your heart, to bring about repentance in this area. Number three, spend time in the Bible to work on a passion for God rather than passionate lusts. How do you do that? Here's how you do it. When you read your Bible, ask yourself while you're reading, what does this passage say about God? What does it say about him? So as you're reading whatever passage, that's the lens you're looking at it through. What does this say about God? And then when you learn something, like he's faithful, or you learn something that he's holy, or you learn something that he's good, or you learn that he's all powerful. When you see those truths in the scriptures, when you're done reading, you stop and you worship. You say, God, you know everything. God, you are holy, you are righteous, you are good. And you start to worship him and you start to pray, God, let me know you more. Let me know what it means more in my life. Hallow your name, make your name more holy to me. That's how you grow in a passion for God as it replaces a passion for sex. Number four, expose the secrets, meaning confess it. Confess it to your wife, confess it to your husband, confess it to a friend that's willing to keep you accountable. Don't confess it to a friend that sins in the same exact way, because that just becomes like a commiserating thing where, oh, you know, we just both sin in this way, and are we ever gonna get relief? No, confess it to someone who will hold you accountable, who will love you through this. Number five, memorize scripture to help you fight. Memorize scripture. Psalm 118, 11, your word I have hidden in my heart because that I might not sin against you. So memorize 1 Corinthians 6, 18, flee sexual immorality. In the heat of the moment, what am I supposed to do? Flee, run away. 1 Thessalonians 4, 3, this is the will of God, your sanctification that you abstain from sexual immorality. It's like in the moment, God, what do you want me to do? He wants you to abstain. He wants you to flee. Number six, make a covenant with your eyes not to look at a woman with lust. That's just a quote of Job 31. That's what Job said. As a righteous man, I'm going to make a covenant with my eyes. I'm not going to do this. Number seven, be ruthless with lust. Be ruthless, starve it by cutting off all the avenues that lust tries to get into your life. So turn your computer around at home or at work, get rid of your smartphone, put a filter on all your devices, cut off contact with that person that your heart is like wanting to see and looking forward to talk to. And then number eight, thank Jesus continually for living without lust, for dying for your lust, and for giving you his lust-free record when you believed. that that, if you are a Christian, is who you really are. And then you live out of the gospel, you live out of that truth that, Jesus, this is what you've done, and I worship you for dying for my sins, and then I also worship you because I have your perfect life. Help me to live, help me to be who I am in you. Now, in saying all of that, if bringing up all this stuff has brought up bad memories, and brought up bad ideas and things that you wanted never to bring back into your mind again. I just wanna say first, please forgive me for that. But number two, hear this. If you've committed adultery or you were fornicating, but you've confessed that to the Lord and those you've sinned against, listen, your sins are forgiven. Your sins are forgiven. Let me say it again. Your sins are forgiven. Let that truth ring more loudly in your ears than anything else, because it's done. If you've committed adultery and you haven't confessed it, please, today, I beg you, do it. Do it today. Confess it to the Lord. He already knows. You know that. Agree with Him that it's sin. Confess it to your spouse. Don't let it live in the darkness anymore, where it's growing and festering and infecting your soul. Expose it to the light of truth, and God will heal it. God will heal you in that. Walk in that freedom. He will wash you white as snow. Trust the word more than your feelings and your thoughts right now. Now, being a one-woman man or a one-man woman, being loyal to your spouse was never meant to be like a checkbox, you know? Never meant to be a duty to kind of sludge through in this life. Marriage was meant to be a joy. It was meant to be a delight. So a husband, in other words, is to be more than loyal to his wife. He is to love her and cherish her and care for her and be devoted to her and focused on her, his one woman for life, his wife. There should be no doubt that you are wholly devoted and intensely in love with your spouse and loyal to him or her. Husbands, what if you're hearing this and you know you don't have that? How do you grow in that? How do you have it more? How do you keep yourself from lustful intents that could destroy your marriage and stay not just loyal, but to grow in love for your wife? How do you do that? I want to end by turning to Ephesians 5. Turn to Ephesians chapter 5, page 1082. 1082 in those blue Bibles, Ephesians chapter 5. Here, Paul explains marriage as it's designed to be, but it's also how to cultivate a good marriage. It's how to cultivate the kind of love that will move forward and move towards loyalty to one wife for life. So Ephesians chapter five, drop down to verse 25. So these four points that I'm gonna give you, they are not, They're not original with me. I heard a man preach on this passage in 2003, and I've remembered his four points to this day. And so I'm simply gonna steal his points and give them to you now. So how do you grow in this kind of commitment, this kind of devotion? Number one, you show her a sacrificial love, a sacrificial love. Verse 25, husbands, love your wives. As Christ loved the church, and gave himself up for her. He's to sacrifice his own well-being, sacrifice what he thinks is best for himself, for the good, for the best good for his wife. She's to be your top earthly priority. Only God is to have a higher priority, but God tells you that you are to sacrificially love your wife, so God is your priority when you sacrificially love your wife. Number two, the Christian husband is to show his wife a sanctifying love, a sanctifying love. Verse 26, love your wives that that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish. His goal for his interaction with his wife is to make her more and more like Jesus. Notice the end of the verse 27, holy and without blemish. That's not just her responsibility. Hey, you should read your Bible. Hey, why aren't you praying? I don't see you listening to any podcasts. What's wrong with you? No, husbands, that's your responsibility to disciple your wife. Well, you know, my wife knows the Bible better than I do. Well, today's the day to put down the remote to stop tinkering in the garage, to pick up that Bible, start reading the books on the back of the handout, and begin to learn the scriptures, to begin to learn the disciple, your wife. Start with the books on the back. Start with the reading plan that we give you that's outside. Start there. Start reading the scriptures, looking for what it says about God, growing in what you know about Him, and then sharing that. with your wife. Number three, the Christian husband should show his wife a sensitive love. Sensitive love, verse 28, in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. You always know the needs of your own body. You're sensitive to it and you respond accordingly. So the same should be true with your wife. When you love and nourish and cherish your wife, you are, verse 28, loving yourself because you're one flesh. You're doing what's best for yourself when you are sensitive to and love your wife. You're tender, you're not tough. She's not one of the guys that needs to toughen up. She's crystal, she's not Tupperware. So you care for her, you encourage her, you talk with her, not to her. And number four, finally, the Christian husband is to show his wife a symbolic love. A symbolic love, verse 31. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself. Marriage should be a picture of Christ who loves the church and died for her, and a church that follows the Christ who saved her. Your marriage, how you treat your wife, tells people, tells your kids especially, not just what you think about your wife, but it tells them what you think about Christ. If you really believe this, if you're really serious about this, you're talking about a savior with your marriage. So men, being ruthlessly loyal and passionately in love with our wives is what we should all strive for. I'm telling you right now, my wife is gonna hold me accountable to every word I've said here today. And she should. She absolutely should. It is the standard we should all meet, that church leaders should not only be meeting, but should be modeling in our marriages. This is the top of the list of the priority for church leadership, and it must be present in a man's life if he's to assume the office of pastor or elder. What if at this moment, you're like, ah, but I don't feel that kind of love. Well, obedience, by the way, should never depend on your feelings, ever. And not only will your feelings follow your actions, but listen, her feelings will follow your actions too. So let's be a church full of men who finish strong in the area of loyalty to our wives. We have a picture of this in Christ, right? It says in Mark chapter 10 that he set his gaze for Jerusalem. He was going to finish his race strong. And when you compare that idea, when you see Jesus focused all the way unswervingly to the cross, We have the interpretation of that in Ephesians 5, where it says that he did that for the church. He finished strong. And then he gives us the desires and the passion and the courage to finish strong as well. Let's be a church full of men who finish strong for the good of our wives, for the good of the kids running around here. for the good of the name of Jesus in our community and for the glory of God. Let's pray.