Our sermon passage this morning is 1 Peter chapter 3 and I'm going to be reading the first seven verses and then I'm going to read Ephesians chapter 5. You don't have to turn there, I will be reading it, but if you'd like, in addition to turning to 1 Peter 3, you could place your thumb in Ephesians 5 where I'll be reading verses 25 through 33. Last week, before this sermon, I had said, after the time of worship, you'd like to ask questions about the text, pray about something, or... ask for more explanation that I'd be up front and willing to talk about it. Same offer, except you have to talk with me at the Parsonage, probably with an ice cream sandwich. So, if you have questions about the sermon or want to talk about things more, that's where I'm going to be at. 1 Peter 3, verse 7, verses. Before I read, would you please join me in seeking the Lord in prayer. Lord Jesus, you have given us everything we need for life and godliness. You've given us your spirit and you have given us your word. But our hearts are slow to believe. Our ears are thick and dull. So we need you, Shepherd, to speak to us. You are the Lion of Judah, and you have promised to roar through your word. We need to hear that. I pray, Lord, for my brothers and sisters. I pray for myself, that you would accomplish your purposes in preaching this morning, so that we may grow. I pray this in Jesus' name, amen. Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives. And they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear. Do not let your adornments be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel. Rather, let it be the hidden person of the heart, the incorruptible beauty, gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God also adorned themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good, and are not afraid with any terror. Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding. Giving honor to the wife is to the weaker vessel. And as being heirs together of the grace of life, your prayers may not be hindered. Ephesians 5, starting at verse 25. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. We are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. For this reason, the man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each one of you, in particular, so love his own wife as himself. And let the wife see that she respects her husband. What Peter is writing to these Christians in an Asia minor as an apostle. Right, so this is the Holy Spirit inspiring and guiding Peter to exhort and to testify to them of the grace in which they need to stand. That's the end of the letter. Peter reminds them that all of what I have been saying to you is to encourage you and to inform you. We've been focusing on those two aspects more so with the words identity and conduct. I've been using identity, but conduct has been coming straight from the letters. He frequently uses this word, anastrophe, conduct. But we also know that Peter is writing as a married man. We can't say that about all of our epistles. They were written by married men. So we know when we read through the Gospels, and Jesus heals Peter's mother-in-law, or in 1 Corinthians 9, where Paul says, the brothers of Jesus have wives, Cephas has a wife, referring to Peter. So Peter, like every Christian, is in a perfect marriage. And Peter, like every married Christian, is in an imperfect marriage. That sounds like a contradiction. It doesn't make sense. That's why I wanted to read Ephesians 5. Every Christian has a perfect husband. One of the predominant ways that the Lord reveals himself and his relationship with his people is out of marriage. This is why when the prophets in the Old Testament are rebuking the people of God for their sin and covenant breaking, he often says you're being an unfaithful wife. Peter, like every Christian, has a faithful husband who loves his church and never fails to be what Peter is going to tell husbands to be in verse 7. Jesus is the one, this husband who deals with his bride with understanding. You remember earlier in chapter two, it says that Jesus made us into a spiritual house, that he could dwell with us. It's not as if that while we are worshiping, Jesus is floating on a cloud somewhere and saying, oh, how cute, Christians, worshiping. but he is leading us, feeding us, preaching to us. He is with us, and he is not just in our presence to tolerate us, but he has understanding. Our husband is that compassionate high priest who sympathizes with our weaknesses. There may be times where other brothers and sisters in the church or your spouse may not really understand what you are going through. But this is never the case with your husband, with Jesus Christ. Jesus has given honor to his bride. Again, earlier in chapter 1, it's promised that at the revelation of Jesus Christ, we will share in the praise and honor of Jesus Christ. And rather than having to remember that we are heirs of the grace of life, Jesus has brought us into this position to inherit. Again, chapter one, verse three, that by the resurrection of Christ, you have been born again into a living inheritance. And it is Jesus, who far from having his prayers hindered because of his misconduct, lives to intercede for you. There's a whole bunch of reasons why it's important to remind ourselves that we are loved perfectly by the Lord Jesus. One of those is if you're married and you don't keep that in mind, you will be incredibly unrealistic with your spouse. You'll want your spouse to be Jesus instead of serving Jesus. If you were not married, you could be tempted to believe the lie that there is a great love out there that you aren't receiving. Every Christian receives the perfect love, the best love. Faithful, consistent, perfect, compassionate. This is what you receive. Now, Peter would have done all of that, that long explanation of how Christ is a better husband, in verse 7, if his purpose was to explain to the churches, this is how Jesus Christ is the perfect husband-man. But that's not his purpose. where he's writing to people in imperfect marriages, and he is writing to them generally about how to live for Christ in their relationship, and specifically, how to win unbelieving husbands. How are you going to influence and bring your unbelieving husband to faith? Of course, we could then say, okay, Peter, before we proceed, How did so many women in this congregation get unbelieving husbands to the point where this is a congregational need, right? He's writing this as an elder to these churches. This is frequent enough that he needs to address it. Well, there's three possible ways. One, no surprise to you, Christians are told not to do things And then they do them anyway, right? That can happen. It could be the case that some of them decided to marry an unbeliever anyway. But I think it's more so probably one of these two. It could have been an arranged marriage. And it could have also been the fact that this woman or wife was, well, she would have been a wife at that time, sorry. This woman is married first, and then she hears the gospel and is converted. And so the result of any of these three reasons is now the Christian wives in Asia Minor are a source of scandal, controversy. And why is that? Because every culture and time has rules and expectations about how wives need to meet. I'm sure that for many of you, when you got married, you got all kinds of little tips and advice. How to be this way or what to do as a husband or a wife. My favorite is never go to bed angry at each other. If you go to bed angry at each other, marriage is over. And so these women in Asia Minor are living in a time in which they have these expectations. Let me tell you some of them from the moral philosophers. Wives should have no new friends. All of your friends are your husband's friends. Wives should not serve new gods. You serve your husband, the gods of your husband or your father. Women should, when they walk across the street and they happen to cross paths with a man who is not their husband, look down. Right, this is from rulers, moral teachers, because they want stable homes. And so the way that they decided to have a stable home is male superiority and female submission. And then you have these wives who are disrupting that to some extent. Not only is the Christian wife now having new friends, but she's calling them brother or sister. Not only is she not worshipping her husband's gods, but she's actually saying, your gods aren't real. There's only one true God. She may be telling the children that the God-man who was crucified on a Roman cross, he is the true ruler, not the emperor, Jesus' Lord. She could also even have a vital role in the life of the church. Women are not expected to lead, and then you see your wife leaving because she has organized maybe some act of mercy. Interestingly enough, this Roman official named Pliny, a little bit later after Peter writes his letter, is writing to the Emperor Trajan. He says, hey, I'm dealing with these Christians in Bithynia. You'll remember that that's one of those regions that Peter is writing to. And I don't know how to deal with these Christians, so I started torturing people. Why? So anyway, I've been torturing these two women who they call deacons. So here are these women who have had some sort of leadership and vital role in the life of the church. This could cause suspicion. This could cause problems. So, in light of this, Peter doesn't say, leave your marriage. He doesn't say, cause as much havoc in your marriage as you can until your unbelieving husband says, just go. Serve your God and get out of my life. But he says, influence your husband so that they may be won over to Jesus Christ. What do I mean by influence? Well, there's means and an end. You want to influence someone to some goal, and there's a way you want to do it. I was talking with this gentleman who lives right here. I didn't touch his name. He said, it's a hot one. I said, yes. Yes, it is very hot. I said, I hope you guys got AC in there. He said, yeah, no worries. We got it. We're going to be great. He said, I'm going to a pool. Jokingly, I said, yeah, we got a pool in there, too. He stopped. And he said, are you being serious? And I said, no, no, no, I'm just joking. And he said, oh, well, if you did have a pool, I would have came. All right, so Tom gets it. All right, if the goal was we want to influence people to come to this church, one of the ways is you could convince your session to get an indoor pool. Now, Peter isn't writing about something so silly. But he is saying that there is a goal that these wives need to have and a way to go about it. At the end, the goal would be that their husbands would come to know the Lord Jesus. Back in verse 18 in chapter one, that they would break from the useless traditions of their fathers and be ransomed by the blood of Jesus to live for him. And the means, or how he sees this being accomplished, is influencing by a life of holiness. Conducting yourself in such a way that it is beautiful, attractive, and precious in the eyes of the Lord, not necessarily in the eyes of men. Peter is aware that there are other ways you could influence others. This is verse three. Do not let your adornment be merely outward, arranging the hair, wearing gold or putting on fine apparel. So Peter presents both the Christian wife and this other woman both being public and observable. Peter never actually says to Christian women, go find a corner and stay in it. He envisions both of these women being before the eyes of other people. You remember back in chapter two that the Gentiles may observe your good works and glorify God. But the one influence is rooted in the flesh and its end is the flesh. Peter says, you know, you have the woman or maybe even the wife who just came out of the ancient salon. hair braided wonderfully, nails done, jewelry, wonderful dress, all these great things. And she is influencing others, but not towards the Lord Jesus. Her actions, her adornment brings attention to herself and not the Lord. And so Peter says, I want your, he says to these wives, I do want you to get attention but to direct it to the Lord, Jesus. That your conduct, that what you adorn or dress yourself with, should move others to see the glory of Jesus Christ. You know, I think there's another practical and strategic reason why Peter is also mentioning things like verse 3. You remember, you're living in a culture where wives are not supposed to be having their own friends and worshiping other gods. And so, you know, let's imagine that I'm sitting in my chair And I'm an unbelieving pagan, and Angie is a Christian woman in Asia Minor. And she's leaving the house, and she says, honey, I'm getting ready to go to church. She's got makeup, and her hair is done wonderfully. Just a sight to behold. Now, if I think that my wife shouldn't be with people who I'm not friends with, shouldn't be out in public without me accompanying her, I'm going to be more likely to say, I don't want you going to church. But if there is a level of modesty, again, I think this is strategy. I don't think he's given a general rule. But if there is a level of modesty, it makes the objections or the accusations raised against wives attending church without their husbands less credible. No, I'm not trying to influence others in a negative way. I'm here to worship Jesus and serve. Peter is going to urge these wives to dress for the job. You would influence your husband for Christ He says, be clothed. You remember, actually, in the beginning of chapter two, he uses the same idea of removing garments, right? Take off envy, deceit, hypocrisy. And he says to the Christian wife, if you would win your husband, dress yourself in submission, in gentleness, in a quiet spirit, these things that are precious in the sight of God. Now, of course, there's an elephant in the room. Let me tell you what the elephant sounds like. I know you think you know what elephant sounds like, but no, this one's different. This elephant says, hold on, Peter. I'll take some gentleness. I can add that. I'll put that on. You can put on some winsome conduct, but submission, quiet spirit. It sounds like you're telling me to hush up and know my place. Is that what you're saying? Well, of course, I think it's no surprise to you that after that, I'm gonna say, you need to look at the wider context. When Peter is urging these wives about a quiet spirit, again, I think this is strategic, it can't mean you don't talk. Because later in chapter three, what are we going to get? Always be ready to give a defense of the hope that is within you. But I think strategically, if you look at verse one, the husband is going to be one without a word. Your unbelieving husband is not expecting his wife to be a counselor, but a cheerleader. Great job, good choice, good decision, you're the best. Not, you need to repent, place your faith in Jesus Christ. And that certainly may be something that this wife would say to the husband, but it must be done in a gentle way. I don't think quiet is the amount of words, but not saying anything harsh. That the stumbling block of communication with the husband should not be a tone or a demeanor or an attitude, but Jesus Christ and him crucified. Well, the elephant then might say, OK, Having a quiet spirit, I'll give you that one. There's a lot of proverbs about both men and women needing to know that, speak less. But submission, that still sounds like know your place. So what do you have to say about that? Well, again, I think we need to look at it in context. One, remember last week, there was a call of submission. To the citizens, you need to submit to your rulers. And then to slaves, you need to submit to your masters. And here, wives, submit to your husbands. We know that this submission can't mean follow your husband into sin. Because remember last week, Peter says if you're given the option to sin or to suffer, you suffer. Suffer righteously. Do not follow your husband into sin or iniquity. We also know that contrary to that first century context, Peter is not grounding submission in being. Ancient submission is, I'm a man, I can do more push-ups than you submit. Peter is saying, submit to your own husbands so that they may be one. So I think actually what Peter is encouraging submission to be here is to support your husband in his role in family and in society in such a way that you are not sitting against God, but you are influencing your husband towards righteousness. I think this is what he is calling these wives to do. Sarah did this. You know, it's interesting. Abraham receives the call from God and says, leave the land and I will take you to a promised land. I will show you. But he doesn't say that actually to Sarah or Sarai at the time. Right, when I went to Angie and said, hey, we could possibly be in Cambridge for two months, I didn't say I heard that from God, so I got an email. And she had an active role in it. I said, what questions do you have? But we don't get all that. God calls Abraham, makes him this man of promise, and Sarah supports her husband in the role that he is in. Even when we first get this promise about this child, it's, again, given to Abraham, not to Sarah. Which, ladies, you know, that's incredibly unfair because she's going to be the one carrying the child. But she doesn't make a fuss about this. She understands what her husband's role is. She supports him. Now, of course, because Peter is writing to imperfect marriages, even with Sarah and Abraham, we can see imperfections. But Abraham uses his role as a leader to put his wife in vulnerable positions. Wrong. But Sarah uses the appearance of Hagar and the promise of making God's promises happen right here and right now to influence her husband into Sarah. This kind of influence of Hagar might have been precious in the eyes of Abraham, but not in the eyes of God. Friends, today we have said that only a few select people get to be called influencers. By a show of hands, does anybody know what I mean by influencers? Could you show? All right, getting a couple. Nice, right? The influencers, the smartest, they're successful, they're pretty, they have it all together, they're great, they're cute. And so everyone looks to them to determine how to live, what to pursue. And here, Peter is saying that when the Christian lives with an eye towards what is pleasing to the Lord, you're not just another little Christian somewhere. You are an influencer. He's been saying this earlier, right? That your good deeds that are on display before all will either, in God's sovereignty, move them towards repentance or seal the deal for their judgment. The presence of Christians influences those who they are around. So we have to ask ourselves, what are we looking to to give us influence? Are we adopting the ways of the world? Where if I'm going to influence people in this place of work, I need to be over everyone. I need to be in this position of superiority. Here, Peter is writing to women who are in a very vulnerable social status. You can influence your husband, your home, and the world around you. I think another thing that this made me think about here, and this might be kind of awkward, but we could benefit from more awkward conversations in church. Some of you are going to be called by God to be married, right? Take a spouse. And so how do you know what beautiful is? You're certain that whoever you marry, I would like this person to be beautiful, a beautiful wife, a beautiful husband. But how are you going to determine what beauty is? You could let screens, social media accounts, photography, teach you that this is what beauty is. Be in awe of this. Or you can learn from the Lord. And to those who aren't seeking a spouse, we should praise what is precious before the eyes of God and others. That when we are given grace, when we maybe speak more than we should, we should give praise for the work of God in the life of our spouse. We should also give praise for what's precious in the sight of God in the lives of our brothers and sisters in church. I think this is what we are called to do. So I think, again, I really do want to stress this. Boys and girls, or those who are going to be seeking spouses, maybe you're asking, right, can I have both? Can I have someone who is handsome or beautiful and also really godly? Yes, that can happen. But the flesh cannot benefit the spirit. And so, if you choose to focus only on the flesh, The best that your spouse can bring to you is delight to your eyes or a smile on your face or warm, fuzzy feelings. But you will have no one to pray with, no one to share in the sufferings of Christ with, no one to serve the local church with, no one to influence your neighborhood with, no one to bring you out of difficulty and remind you that the Lord is faithful. Well, we started this sermon with a perfect husband, the perfect husband. Let's try to spend a little bit more time on wives because, as you can see, he only gives one sentence to husbands. The emphasis here is on And what he says to husbands is, you often fail to be like Jesus because you are not understanding and you are not giving. And so what is it that these husbands are failing to understand? There's tons of things that husbands can fail to understand. You can fail to understand the proper way to fold a towel or how to wash a dish. I'm talking about myself in those last two examples. You can fail to remember a coffee water. Again, I've done that. What failed to understand was, Peter, that your wife is a co-heir and a weaker vessel. And there's that elephant again, weaker vessel. What are you talking about, Peter? Well, I think we can understand weaker vessel under two categories. Social weakness. For a woman at this time, all of her decisions were made for her. whether it be through father or husband, she doesn't have a lot of social standing, more than a slave. Think about that. That's your positive social standing comment. You have more social capital than a slave. And so I think he is calling husbands to understand that your wife is vulnerable, that she does not have strength in society. And I also think it means physical weakness. God has created men with the ability to have more muscle than their wives. Men can usually beat their wives in an arm wrestling contest. But what does Peter say, use your superior strength and social standing for? To give. In a very short amount of time, Peter calling husbands to be like Christ, who uses his strength to build his people up, who uses his exalted status to raise his spouse out of death and sin and to promise her eternal life. I've been reading a lot about masculinity I started doing that because a son showed up. And so I was like, all right, what am I going to do with this boy? And as I've been reading, it seems like there's basically two kind of ideas about strength. The strength that boys have, that husbands have, that your sons have. One, it's absolutely terrible. It's bad that you're strong. It's bad that you have a desire to provide, to protect. These are bad things. And of course, the other is, you must be a macho. You must be an alpha male or a sigma male. Use your strength to dominate. Take care of yourself and no one else. And here, Peter is calling for a different kind of masculinity. where you do not deny your strength, your position, your rank, but you use it to protect and serve the needy, the vulnerable, the weak. Masculinity for the husband, masculinity for young men is to pick up your cross in the strength of the spirit. live for the Lord Jesus, serve his church, and look forward for the glory in the age to come. This is what he calls husbands to do. Because they are co-heirs, he also reminds them that your wife does not belong to you. She belongs to the Lord. She is a daughter of God. And if you don't treat her that way, as if she's a daughter of God, He will certainly treat her as a daughter and deal with you. I think this is what he's saying. I did hear a sermon about this where someone understood verse seven as this aspect that your prayers may not be hindered as it's difficult to pray if you're being nasty to your wife. That's not what I think it means. The verb is actually not praying, the verb is hindered. And it's in the passive, meaning it is not this husband who is hindering himself, but he is receiving this big fat stop, right? It is his prayers that are being hindered. And I think the promise here is that if you do not acknowledge who your wife is in Jesus Christ, The Lord does not want you to bring your sacrifice. Whether it be in the ancient church with Malachi or here, the new covenant, the sacrifice of praise or prayer. You remember Jesus even teaches something similar. Go and be reconciled with your brother, then bring your offering. So Jesus will not allow husbands to sweep the mistreatment of their wives under the rug. Friends, you have a lot of roles and places in society. Some of you are employees, employers, siblings, friends, neighbors, husbands, wives. There's a whole bunch of rules that society has for you on how to be a good neighbor. Being a good neighbor probably isn't joking with your neighbor about a pool in your church. I don't know if that was the best thing. but you are called not to flee from these roles or social positions, but to be in them, be devoted to Christ and influence those around you. And let's pray towards that end. Lord, we thank you that you have built us up into a spiritual body, a house where you are with us, priest, your royal possession. I pray that you would give my brothers and sisters strength as they enter into all different kinds of realms in this life, seeking to bring glory to you. I thank you, Lord, for the time my family has had with our brothers and sisters here. Continue to strengthen and minister to them. Pray that you would knit them closer, that they would labor and work with one another. I pray all this in Jesus' name, amen.