Let's open up our service with a word of prayer. Heavenly Father, we praise you and thank you for yet another evening to come and fellowship together, to fellowship in you, to love on one another and display the love of Christ to one another as well. Lord, we pray that you are honored and glorified in everything that we say and do here tonight. I pray, Lord, that our study here will find a faithfulness to your scriptures. It will indeed be our light and guidance in all things, especially here. as we consider parenting and disciplining our children, Lord. I pray, Lord, that it will land upon fertile soil, Lord. I pray that our hearts will be attuned to what your word has to say about how we treat our children, how we lead our families. And we will be indeed moved by it and molded and shaped into the image of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, by that word concerning Christ. So again, let that be our light and guidance. in all things and especially here to the glory of your great name and to the edification of your people. Lord, we love you. All praise and all honor and all glory go to you and to your name. And we pray all this in the name of Christ Jesus. Amen. All right. So once again, we are all of us. All three of the elders are going through some different material on parenting and family worship. A lot of it will kind of line up with one another. Some of it will be redundant. We will be saying the same things, which should be okay, because we confess the same things. We say the same things, we confess the same things. So we'll have some overlap in a lot of the same things that have been discussed previously. We'll have some different angle to it, but we'll all largely agree. And what I've been using on the Wednesdays that I've been up here is John A. James' book, A Help to Domestic Happiness. I do not have that book. It's free online. You can find it. I downloaded a digital copy for my Kindle and read it from there. There's free copies online as well. But that is the book that I have used as kind of an outline for our study, specifically his section on the duties of parenting. Now, as far as parenting and family worship goes, We note that there is obviously a connection between the two things. The parents are the ones in their parenting They are the ones to initiate and to lead family worship. Really, the onus falls on the man, the head of the household, but as the wife, the helpmate, comes alongside them, they are both responsible for initiating and leading that family worship. That is a part of our duty as parents. Parenting and family worship. They go hand in hand. Family worship is a part of our duty as parents. Now let's consider family worship and another aspect of parenting, that being the disciplining of our children. What of those two things, family worship and disciplining our children, what of those two things would we place under the heading of religious education? What's one of those two? You cheater, did you look at my notes? Yes, it is both. Naturally though, I think we would tend to say it would be family worship, right? Because in our family worship, what we are doing at our homes is we are catechizing our kids. We are teaching our kids. It is active, it is direct in our teaching of them, in our educating of them, specifically with regards to religious things. We are teaching them who they are to worship, and we are teaching them how they are to worship Him. And I think we can sum it up like this. In our family worship, what we are doing, if we take the 10,000 foot view of it, not necessarily the details as to what catechism we use, or do we sing hymns, what kind of hymns, what we are doing in our family worship is we are teaching our kids, ultimately, to submit themselves to the Lord. In other words, we are teaching our children that we all of us are to submit our weak, creaturely will to the sovereign, holy, supreme will over all creation. I think we can sum it up like that. I think we can faithfully do that. We, in our weakness as creatures, we owe God our obedience. We owe God our worship of Him. And that is what we do in our family worship. That is what we are actively teaching. That is what we do, really, in the discipline of our children as well. So John A. James, in that book that I am referring to, places this disciplining of children under the heading of religious education. It is a sub-point under the main point of religious education. Religious education, there's several points under that. Religious education or disciplining of the children falls under that heading of religious education. He says this, This is towards the end of the section on disciplining your children. It says, wonder not that I have placed discipline under the head of religious education. For is it not the object of family government to bend, as far as means can do it, the will of a child into submission to the authority of a wise and holy parent? That is the duty of us as parents and disciplining them within the family government structure. It is to bend them as far as means can do it. Bend that will of a child into submission to the authority of the parent. So he describes it, the wise and holy parent. He goes on to say, and what is sin against God, but the resistance of a weaker will against that which is supreme and divine. That is the essence of what sin is. Us in our weaker will deciding that we are God and we know better than God and we are disobedient to God in that. Making ourselves idols in that sense. And our weaker will tries to stand above the supreme and divine will. That is sin against God. Resistance of a weaker will against that which is supreme and divine. And he notes right after that, that it should be conceived by us that God's appointed means of bringing children under the submission of Himself, or His Lordship, the means by which to do that, or one of the means by which He does that, is to first bring them under the submission of their parents. What authority do our kids first see? Once the spark of reason happens within them, once they begin reasoning, the first sense of authority that they have or that they see in reality is that of the parents. So that should be used as a means by Him or will be used as a means by Him to bring children under the submission of the Lordship of Christ Jesus or His, God's Lordship. What a weighty thing to consider. What a weighty thing to consider that we, in our parenting, is one of the means by which we point our children to Christ. The submission to us as the authority within their life is a means by which God uses, or God will bring under submission, the children to his Lordship. It is again a weighty thing. Our ultimate goal as Christian parents is to see our children submit themselves to the Lordship of Christ. That is our highest priority. Well beyond them being respectable within society. Well beyond them having whatever means at their disposal as far as wealth goes once they leave our household. Our ultimate goal as parents is to see our children submit themselves to the Lordship of Jesus Christ and then confess that with their mouth and believe in their heart that God raised him from the grave. And one of the major means by which that happens is in the way we direct them to the submission of our parental authority. This makes discipline unspeakably important. indescribably important. So in this section, James provides some points regarding discipline, more philosophical points than actual like practical elements or things that you can do within parenting or disciplining of your children or even punishing your children, but more philosophical reasons or things that we should consider when disciplining our children. The first thing he notes is that our authority must be presented to our children as soon as reason is awake. Our authority must be presented to our children as soon as reasoning is awake within our children's. In other words, submission should be the air that they breathe. A child must immediately understand that they are not always to do as they like, but they are always to do as they are commanded. They must know that they do not have the authority to be self-willed. What's the famous saying? I think I've said it several times up here. You live under my roof, you live by my rules. You live under my roof. You live by my rules. What is that saying? What is that displaying to the child? This is mine. I have a level of sovereignty over this household that you must submit to. Sound familiar? We live in this world that God created who he is being. He is sovereign over this world that he created. It is his roof. We live by His rules. The same thing applies within our own home. Men, we are lords of the manor, if you will. We should live as lords of the manor, and our children should see us as lords of the manor. Everything that they have while they are under our roof is under our custody and under our care, even their own lives, and they should know that. They should see that. They should feel that it should be weighty upon them. And from that, they should learn to submit to the lords of the manor, the mister and the mistress of the manor. If they are made to submit to that authority while they are young, And it is the air that they breathe within the household from the moment they have that reason spark within them. If we do that while they are young, then submission will become a habit. And if submission from our children becomes a habit, then the ride of discipline will be rendered almost unnecessary. This is kind of the rule that Ken brings up quite often, the first-time obedience. If that is how we structure our parenting, to demand of them, and we have disciplined them to that thinking of first-time obedience, then the rod will be rendered almost completely unnecessary. Now, we don't have perfect kids, so of course they won't always obey the first time and the rod of discipline, when necessary, needs to be there. But, if we instill in them the submission to authority while they are young, that will be such a habit of theirs. Those slip-ups, that rod, or the necessity, if you will, of the rod being used, will almost be eliminated. The next thing John A. James points out is that our children should perceive clearly that love is at the bottom of all we do. And that reason guides our conduct. Our children should perceive clearly that love is at the bottom of all we do. And that reason guides all of our conduct. In other words, All the commands or the injunctions that we place upon our children should be reasonable. In other words, there should be a reason behind the commands or the instruction that we give to them. It shouldn't be based on moodiness, as we'll talk about in just a minute. It should be based on firm reason. It should be calculated, or in other words, properly thought out. Not just out of fits. And it should be seen by our children as necessary. All the commands that we give to our children should be seen as reasonable, or should be reasonable, should be calculated or properly thought out, and should be seen by them as necessary. And when the command is given, it should be seen as coming from a loving concern for the child and not from the selfishness of the parent. What does that look like? What does the selfishness of the parent look like when giving a command? The selfishness would be displayed by a parent laying an injunction upon a child based on their fits or their moods and or them giving a command that seeks to thwart a child's will merely to teach submission. I'll break that down. First of all, if a child knows that a parent's commands or their instruction or what they tell them to do often comes from a state of their moodiness, then they will know that what they are commanded to do is not coming from a loving concern for the child. Instead, it is flowing from a selfish desire to satisfy the parent's passions. Children will pick up on that. Kids will pick up on that. Why am I doing this? Well, daddy got angry. That's why I'm having to do this. That's why dad told me to do this. It can go the other way too. I mean, it doesn't necessarily have to be anger as your moodiness. It can be laziness as well. Even in the disobedience of instruction given, right? So you tell your kid to do something and then you're too lazy to follow up on that to see to it that it be done. We can't parent in such fits of moodiness. We can't lay injunctions or commands or instructions upon our children in such a state. It must be seen by our children as reasonable, the command should, as calculated and as necessary. Unless, We do just this and see, or our children believe that our commands are not coming from a loving concern for the child. Instead, it is sorting or suiting our own passions, our own selfish desires. The same thing is communicated in seeking to thwart the will of a child merely to teach submission. If a child wants to do something, the thing that they desire to do is somewhat indifferent, meaning it's not bad in and of itself, it's not detrimental to them, it's a thing indifferent, they shouldn't necessarily be prevented from doing so merely because we don't want them to do so. They should submit to what our wants are, right? But that's not necessarily the ruling factor in it. I want them to do this, they want to do that. Which wants win out? Which wants should win out? If it's a thing indifferent, we can let them do what they want to do. Now, necessity should be considered in that, okay? If what you are commanding of them is of necessity, and it's just merely something that they want to do, they should know that they should submit to what is necessarily commanded from the parent. It trumps their wants. It trumps their self-will, if you will. If there is no conflict of necessity and the thing is indeed different, don't thwart their desire merely to show that you rule. For instance, let's say that we have a daughter who wants to do ballet. And I want them to do softball or piano lessons or whatever. If you find the thing indifferent, there's nothing that ranks softball or playing piano over that of ballet. Now, you may have some personal convictions about that, and if so, those need to rule. But if the things are indifferent, and it's just because I want them to do softball and forget what they want as far as ballet, let them do the ballet. Let them do the thing that they want. If not, what are they going to do when they enter in to doing the thing that you want? They're going to say, Daddy wanted me to do that. I didn't want to do this. It's going to produce some embitterment towards you as a parent. If it's a thing indifferent, don't thwart their desire merely to show that you rule. You must submit to me just because I want it. That's the very definition of selfishness. It's an incredible display of selfishness, and it will be picked up by our children. They'll note it. They'll know it, and it'll be stored in that memory bank. Nothing but what is wise should be commanded of our children, and under the rubric of wisdom is that of reasonableness. something being calculated or well thought through, and something being seen by our children as necessary. Nothing but those things should be commanded of our children. Now, no matter how loving and wise our commands are, in some cases, in some cases, it is beyond our power to ensure obedience. No matter how early we start them, on knowing what it is to submit to the authority of a parent. No matter how reasonable our commands of them or our demands of them are, it doesn't matter. At some point, it will be beyond our power to ensure obedience. What remains in that situation is corrective punishment. Corrective punishment is an essential part of disciplining a child. And these are some Proverbs that Traver touched on some last week. I'm sure they have been cited many times before, but I'll read several of them just real quick. Proverbs 13, 24. He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently. There's one translation that notes that is talking about early, disciplining them early. Like early on. So as soon as reason awakes within the child, discipline should be enacted. We should be disciplining them in some way. Now, disciplining with the rod, we'll talk about that. Chapter 22, verse 15 in Proverbs, foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child. The rod of discipline will remove it far from them. 23, 13 through 14, do not hold back discipline from the child. Although you strike him with the rod, he will not die. You shall strike him with the rod and rescue his soul from Sheol. 29, 15, the rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child who gets his own way or is self-willed brings shame to his mother. 29, 17, correct your son and he will give you comfort. He will also delight your soul. So it's clear, in the absence of obedience, the remedy for it is corrective discipline. The rod must be used. If it is not, the child will be self-willed. The child will be foolish and self-willed. And then I like what 29.15 says, one who gets his own way brings shame to his mother. But, 17, correct your son, and he will give you comfort. What a dichotomy. Sparing the rod will ultimately bring shame upon the mother. I'm sure it does the same thing to the father. But using the rod when necessary will give you comfort. correcting your son, He will give you comfort. He will delight your soul. The absence of obedience demands the presence of punishment. The absence of obedience demands the presence of punishment. The absence of punishment in a situation that demands that punishment is not a display of kindness to the child. It is a display of hatred. And we saw that in the very first proverb that I read, 1324. He who withholds his rod hates his son. When discipline is demanded and it is not given, it is not kindness towards the child. You might do it over the child and love the child. I don't want to see them hurt. It is hating the child. John A. James illustrates this by writing this. He said, who or rather would you allow your children's bodies to perish rather than put them in pain to eradicate a disease? They don't like shots. I'm not going to let them get that shot. It'll hurt them. But they'll die of the disease. I don't want to see them cry. You'd rather see them die? rather than put them in pain to eradicate disease which if allowed to remain would be fatal. Who would do that? Would not this be hating them? And what do you call that conduct which rather than put them to pain by correcting their faults allows all kinds of moral diseases to increase and fester and corrupt the soul? Fond mother. This could be fond mother or father, of course. You who will never correct a child, hear the charge and let it shudder through your heart, exacting emotions of horror. You are a hater of your child. Your foolish love is infanticide. He uses some pretty strong language there. Your foolish love that refuses to correct a child when it is necessary is infanticide. Your cruel embraces are hugging your child to death. What illustrative language. Foolish, your foolish love is infanticide. Your cruel embraces are hugging your child to death. It is a display of hate to a child Not to punish when punishment is necessary. Not to punish in the absence of obedience. It must be done. We note that punishment, when needed, must not be withheld from a child. However, we must note that the goal of discipline is to render punishment unnecessary. The goal of punishment is to, or the goal rather of discipline, is to render punishment unnecessary. That's what I was talking about in that first time obedience. If we discipline our child to first time obedience, we will notice that the rod is less and less necessary. That is the goal of what we are doing as parents in disciplining our child is to render punishment unnecessary. John A. James illustrates this by contrasting the reins and the whip, specifically in directing a horse. He has an illustration that points to this. He says, I recollect hearing of two coaches, this is horse-driven coaches, of course, which used to drive to Newmarket from London by a certain hour at a time of strong competition. So they were trying to get whatever they were doing, or whatever they had, into London for a certain reason, and there was strong competition to get there. The horses of the coach, which generally came in first, had scarcely a wet hair. They hadn't even broken a sweat. It seemed like they got there with relative ease. In the other though, last, the horses were jaded and heated to excess and had the appearance of having made great efforts. The reader perhaps understands the cause of the difference. The first man did it all, of course, by the reins. The easiest method of directing the horse to where it needs to go used the reins. The first one that got it there quickest generally made it there first, generally made it there with great ease, merely used the reins. The second, unsteady in himself or unskillful in the reins, had induced bad habits, of course, in the horse, and then employed the whip, the reins versus the whip. But he could never cope with the other. He couldn't cope with the reins. He couldn't direct or guide with the reins. So he, in excess, had to use the whip to direct the horse. So, it will ever hold in all governments. If obedience to the reins is found to be most pleasant in itself and even the road to enjoyment, then obedience will grow into a habit and become, in fact, the choice of the party. This then is the first thing to be attended to. Acquire skill in the management of the reins governed by guiding, not by force. But still, there are many, very many cases, in which the reins alone will not prove to be enough. The whip is needed. And where it is needed, it ought to be supplied. Not that I mean to enforce a system of corporal punishment. No. This may be necessary occasionally as an experiment in difficult cases, but as a system, it is bad and unavailing and is usually the resource of passionate, ignorant, or indolent parents. It's interesting. He almost seems to be saying, you should probably spare the rod more. No, that's not what he's saying. He's saying that if the child is properly guided in the way that they should go, the whip is less necessary. And when he says it is a system bad, and unavailing it is usually the resource of a passionate, ignorant, or indolent, that just means a lazy parent. It is one that is more eager to use the whip than to actually employ proper discipline to see to it that they obey the commands and submit as necessary based on their guidance or their rule or their authority over the child. We should, from the dawn of reason, endeavor to make our children feel that our favor is their richest reward for good conduct. Mm. Mm, to have my children feel exactly that. Their reward for good conduct is my favor. Just to know that dad's proud of them for doing what they should do. Our displeasure should be the severest rebuke for their misbehavior. I'm gonna close with this statement, and I hope y'all feel the weight of this. Every parent in here should want what he says right here. Happy the parent who has attained to such a skill in the government of his children, in other words, He has such skill in disciplining his children as to guide with a look. When you come to have the ability to just look at your child and they know, I gotta straighten up. To guide with a look, to reward with a smile, and to punish with a frown. Happy is the parent who has attained to that specific skill. Oh, I want to see that in my children. That I have created such an atmosphere within my home that they know so much of my authority and I've disciplined them in such a way that all it takes in correcting them or guiding them in the things or the way that they should go is a mere look. And for them to feel the ultimate force of my displeasure is merely a frown. Where I don't have to use the rod. The pain point with my child is merely a frown. Merely them knowing my displeasure. And their greatest reward is a smile. When they've done rightly, and I can smile at them. And they feel that. And you see their spirits just lifted. I know that I've done right. I know that I've pleased my father. And if they please me as their father, and I have set up a proper role of authority within my household, they can be somewhat assured that they are pleasing their heavenly father as well. What religious instruction you are giving your children in disciplining in such ways. Now that concludes tonight. Next week, Lord willing, we will talk about not chastening a child in anger. We'll talk about how we are to examine offenses. We'll talk about not letting cute or seemingly minor sins within a child slip by. And then we will finally conclude with both parents being on the same page with regards to parenting. But Lord willing, again, that will be next week. Does anybody have any comments or questions or anything they want to add to what was said tonight? All right, well, let's close with a word of prayer and we will sing one last song and be out of here. Lord, again, we praise you and thank you for tonight. Thank you for our study, once again, and parenting. Lord, I pray those honoring to you. that someone got something out of it, that they were edified by it, that they are encouraged more to lead their households well as parents, that they are encouraged to lead their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, to discipline well, to instruct well, to see to it that they are nourished as children, that they grow up in that instruction, knowing that the authority of a parent displays the authority of our heavenly Father. And I pray that we, as parents, can display the same loving kindness that you have displayed to us, that loving kindness that has led us to repentance. And how we parent, Lord, I pray that the loving kindness that we will display will be a wonderful means that leads them to salvation, that points them to Christ Jesus, to points them to the ultimate display of loving kindness that indeed has led us all to repentance. So we pray that over our children and we pray for salvation for all of them. But we as parents, I pray, Lord, that we will parent in a manner that brings you great glory and honor and sees it as a means of displaying your authority, your lordship over our lives. May all of our households proudly display and live under the banner of the Lordship of Jesus Christ to the glory of your great name. We love you, Lord. I'll praise our honor and our glory go to you into your name. We pray all of this in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.