I've been preaching on the topic of marriage since May. And I will continue that series today, but today is focused specifically on a consequence of marriage. One of the consequences of marriage is God's purpose for it is to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth. So what is the role that God has given to parents? Now the foundation for the purpose and practice of parenting also goes back to Genesis. It goes back to the things I've been emphasizing in the last seven sermons. So let me quickly review that. First, God created man according to his own will and for his own purposes. So your first quest is to know God and find out what his will is for you. Now that begins with the fact that God made you in His image and therefore you are to be a reflection of God in both personhood and in moral attributes. That is the way you're to bring glory to God. Your purpose of existence does boil down to that. You exist to bring glory to your Creator. Now the first responsibility that God gave Adam was to be his regent on earth by subduing it and having dominion over the animals. Now Adam could not do that alone and so he fashioned Eve from one of Adam's ribs and established marriage in which there would be complementary roles for both husband and wife. We went over this in detail some weeks ago. Now the statement in Genesis 2.25 that Adam and Eve were naked and not ashamed refers to more than just physically not having clothes. It's complete exposure, mental and emotional as well, and yet in complete harmony. There was no sin yet. The unity of that complementarian companionship enabled them to fulfill God's mandates and purposes. But sin destroyed that harmony. and it brought pride, selfishness, and evil desires into mankind. That also gave marriage some additional purposes. Marriage would provide the only proper place for physical intimacy and thus prevent or at least curtail immorality of fornication and adultery. Marriage would then become the training ground in and the expression of what love is supposed to be. We learn to love in marriage. We learn to love even more with children. Christian marriage would also include the mutual pursuit of holiness as the Holy Spirit changes us, conforms us to the image of Christ, and therefore then reflects what Ephesians 5 tells us is to be a picture of Christ and the church. So marriage has a purpose way beyond you. Now one of God's foundational purposes, I have said, is for man to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth. Because unless that happened, man could not fulfill the mandates. How do you subdue the earth if there's just two of you? How do you fill it if there's just two of you? So there has to be children, they have to keep multiplying. So from the very beginning, God's original purpose included this in his design for man, marriage, and children. Passed on to generation, to generation, to generation, multiplying. And that means that proper parenting requires pursuing God's purposes for it and then following His design for it as delineated within the Scriptures with its many commands concerning children. Parenting, your responsibilities. Anything less than that is a failure. And humanity has found all sorts of ways to fail in parenting. We're all aware of it. All of us have experienced it ourselves because no parents are perfect. None. We're going to struggle with it. But yet we are to pursue what God wants. Now if you want to raise your children then successfully, you're going to have to do it God's way. That means you need to know your Creator. So if you want to be successful in parenting, you've got to know God. You've got to know Him personally and then you have to know what He has said and then be diligent to follow what He has said. You need to obey Him. That will bring about success in your parenting. Now the vast majority of parents fail because they don't know God and or they do not know what he wants them to do as parents. They don't know the purpose of their parenting. Now even selfish parents want their children to succeed. They want them to be successful if for nothing else that you can brag on them, right? Any parent here not enjoy bragging on their kids? Are you awake out there? I enjoy bragging about that, kids. Didn't you see how I snuck in David playing mandolin and dad gets glory from it because I'm his dad? Okay, we like that. We want our children to be successful. But what constitutes success? What is success? If that's determined by any worldly standard, the parent is going to raise their child to become a worldly adult. That's not success. If success is according to the parent's own will and desires, the child will become a stunted adult, unable to properly function independently. And that has to be our goal with our children, that they become adults who operate independently and have their own families. If success is enduring the children for 18 years until they're out of the house, And yes, that is the way some parents view their children. I'm enduring them until they're gone. Then those young adults will either be without direction in life or they're going to have the direction of life set by somebody else. There is a reason why so many of our young people go to college and are radicalized by ungodly professors. They weren't trained at home to be able to withstand that. Too many dads and moms let their children be essentially raised by other people. The schools, clubs, peers, social media. Who's influencing your kids? Now God's purpose for parents is actually really simple. But it is difficult to carry it out. And it begins with the mandates that God gave to Adam and Eve back in Genesis. Each generation was to teach the next generation those mandates and how to fulfill them. Walk with God, keep the garden, subdue the earth, rule over the animals, leave father and mother, cleave to your wife, be fruitful, multiply and fill the earth. That was it. That was pretty simple. But all that became more complex when Adam and Eve sinned. much more complex because it broke the relationship that they had with God in the garden and it brought a curse that forced them out of the garden. They'd no longer be able to walk and commune with God in the cool of the day as we're told in scripture. They could no longer, I'm hungry, grab a piece of fruit from whatever tree is nearby. Now the curse is there and they're going to have to go out and get their food by planting crops with toil and sweat and battling weeds. And every farmer and every gardener knows weeds. Weeds are those plants that always grow better than whatever you planted. Okay? Isn't that true? And it doesn't matter what the weather is. There is a weed that really thrives in dry weather, and there's weeds that really thrive in wet weather. Meanwhile, your crops are just trying to make it. It's part of the curse. And you're out there sweating. The curse of sin also disrupted the harmony of the relationship between the husband and wife, and it added this adversarial component. It states that her desire would be toward her husband. The context is an adversarial desire. And it says then, and the husband will rule her. That's not the way it was for Adam and Eve in the beginning. There's an adversarial relationship. So it's gonna take humility and hard work to develop a marriage that actually reflects what God wants. We talked about that a few weeks ago. It's possible with Christ, and that is what you should be striving for. But that curse of sin has also made parenting more difficult, and it's compounded by this fact. A new baby has come. I have a new granddaughter. I'm excited to have Anna Elizabeth. Jonathan's a dad now, and guess what he got? A little sinner. When Jonathan was born, Diane's background is such as, well he's innocent. He's not innocent. Was it three days you were agreeing with me? We got a little sinner. Okay, that makes parenting more difficult. How wonderful would parenting be if they weren't sinners? But they can say the same thing. How wonderful our parents would be if they weren't sinners, right? You can see it's a difficult task, but God has given us what we need in his word for the direction we need to go. And then through his Holy Spirit, he empowers us to be able to carry out those commands. We're not on our own. God enables us to do what he wants us to do. So we're to raise our children to know and walk with God and become responsible adults that will be a blessing to others and then be able to do the same with their children. Now that's about the simplest way you can say that's your purpose as a parent because that really is what it's all about. Look over at Deuteronomy chapter six and let's see what Moses says about parenting because it was going to be the key and the generation that was about to enter the land to be able to know God's blessings. Psalm 145 verse 4 states, And many passages mark that same responsibility. One generation declaring the Lord and what He has done to the next generation. Which in turn then will proclaim it to the next generation and the next generation. Now that purpose is two-fold, one to give God glory at the moment you're declaring who He is and what He has done, and the second is to teach the next generation how to know and walk with God. This is Moses' dilemma. So in chapter 6 Moses is nearing the end of his life in Deuteronomy and he needs to instruct this generation that has grown up in the wilderness wanderings how to be able to go in the land, be successful, conquer the land and live with the Lord properly and then teach that to the generations to follow. How is that going to happen? In Jeremiah 6, after giving this brief recounting of the Exodus, God's actions during their wandering the wilderness for the last 39 years, Moses then stresses the purpose of the law in the first three verses. Follow along as I read. Now this is the commandment, the statutes and the judgments which Yahweh your God has commanded me to teach you. That you might do it in the land where you're going over to possess it. So that you and your son and your grandson might fear Yahweh your God to keep all his statutes, his commandments which I'm commanding you all the days of your life that your days may be prolonged. Oh Israel you shall listen and be careful to do it that it may be well with you and that you may multiply greatly just as Yahweh the God of your fathers has promised you in a land flowing with milk and honey. Notice there are several references that are multiple generational going backwards and forwards. Not only your forefathers but your grandchildren. This is what's going to be necessary. You need to know what God has said. You need to know his law. Now the commandments of God have never been about earning God's favor, and they're not in this passage either. They're about experiencing God's blessing. God's favor is granted by His grace to those who believe Him. That was true in the Hebrew Scriptures. They were looking forward to Messiah, the one who had redeemed them. It is true for us as we look back to what God has done for us in Christ, who has redeemed us. That's where grace comes in to bring salvation. That's where we get God's favor. We look back to Christ. That Jesus became a man, and that is not something we can fully comprehend. The second person, the triune Godhead, who's eternal, omnipresent, becomes a human. And he lives a sinless life. And then he willingly dies as a substitute payment for our sins. And then rises from the dead on the third day proving every claim he made about himself, every promise he's made is true. And one day he's coming back for us. We look back at it, it's by God's grace alone, through faith alone and Christ alone that we have God's favor. And so we can only thank him for that. But when it comes to understanding His blessings and walking with Him, we have to obey Him. We gain blessings from Him as we walk with Him. Okay? Now, every one of you should understand that because it's as simple as your own relationship with your parents when you were children. If you obeyed your parents, how was life? Not bad, right? They fed you, they clothed you, they took you to nice places, they did things with you. But if you disobeyed them, what happened? Well, as one guy kept saying at the conference, he's a fellow way out in the country, he said, you got to whoop him. That's not pleasant, okay? Well, really it's the same thing with God. In fact, Hebrews tells us about that. God is a good father. He chastens those whom he loves. If we walk with them, we receive his blessings. If we don't, well, we're going to get chastised. So his commandments are about how to receive his blessings and have a better life. Your parents give you direction because they do want what's better for you. And as a kid, you always think you know better, but let's face it, as much as I love chocolate, I'm glad my mama made me eat my vegetables. Okay? I'm a healthier person because of it. Okay, even though I could make a case that chocolate is, well, let's see, there's milk chocolate, you've got dairy, you've got fruit in there, you've got oils, you've got, I mean, I can make a case for it, but I need to eat my Brussels sprouts too. And Diane cooks them pretty well, I can eat those. All right? You get the point. God's commandments give us what we need in order to live a better life. That's his blessings. Now the next five verses, Moses directs them on how to know God and experience His blessings generation after generation. Here, O Israel, Yahweh is our God, Yahweh is one. You shall love Yahweh your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your might. These words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons. You shall speak of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." That's the mandate we have as parents. Now this is called, this section is called the Shema. And Jesus said in verse, that said that verse 5 is the great and foremost commandment. When he was asked what it was, that's Matthew 22. It is what's inside the phylacteries that are worn by Orthodox Jews. The little boxes on their foreheads are wrapped around their wrists. If you go to a Jewish home, there's that little, it's called a mezuzah that's on the side of the house there. This is what's inside it. It's written down, it's stuffed inside it. Because verses eight and nine actually tell them to do that. It begins with, you have to love the Lord God yourself. Because you cannot teach others what doesn't belong to you. You can't teach your children to love God if you don't love God. Your example will be contrary to whatever you're saying. And frankly that's true for all of us because we all have influence on children. They're observing, especially grandparents, aunts and uncles. Okay, if you're older than them, they're watching you. What is your example to them? Do you love God? You can't help them love God if you don't. So that becomes the first priority. If your walk with the Lord is not what you know it should be, or you do not know Jesus Christ, then today is the day of repentance. It's the time to change your mind about yourself, sin, and the Savior, to believe and begin walking with Him. And you can talk with any of our leaders after the church. And we'd be glad to tell you how to do that. But that's critical. It begins there. You must know God and walk with Him to teach your children to do the same. Now in verse 7 Moses points out the work that will be involved in teaching your children. He says you must, and he uses the word diligently, teach your children. Diligently do it. Now the root meaning of the word diligent here means to sharpen. It says if you're using a whetstone to sharpen a knife. You have your stone, you're scraping the knife across. It's shaping the blade so that it'll be sharp and cut properly. If you don't do that, the knife is actually pretty dangerous. It needs to be sharp. Well, that's the same kind of thing. It takes diligence to do this. You keep at it. Children learn their lessons when you teach them over and over and over again. And yes, I raised three sons, Diane and I, and we do know there are, but I thought I taught you this. I know I taught you this. Yes, and you're going to be teaching them again. And next week, you may have to do it again, too. Over and over again, you repeat the lessons, and it slowly builds. Frankly, dumping information on a child and expecting that to change how they live is foolish. And yet, that is the way that most of our educational system in the United States goes. It's an information dump. Here's the information. You take a test. You can regurgitate on a piece of paper, yes, here's what you said. That doesn't mean you know anything. It just means you know about something. That's the Greek model of teaching. The Hebrew model, the ancient one, is much better for us, and much better for life, and that's what this is based on. You do not know it until you can do it. That's pretty practical, right? Chef Lance, you're teaching all these students how to prepare things. When do you know that they can do it? When they can show you, they can do it. If they can just write it on a piece of paper and give you a recipe, does that tell you anything? No. Okay. See, I have a professor here. He has confirmed what I've had to say and he's in a proper institution where they actually do teach you. Okay? The reality. If you can't do it, you don't know it. If you can't walk with God, do you really know him? There is a practical application. That's what we're striving to do with our children. Children have to be taught God's commandments, the implications of those commandments, and how to apply them in their lives. And that's expressed here with the diligence of what it's going to take. It says, when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, when you rise. So that encompasses all the activities inside and outside the house from rising up in the morning to going to bed at night. Every opportunity to teach them about God, His commandments, the implications of it. How do you apply these things? Now children are not going to learn to know and walk with God in a few hours that they might spend in church service and in ministries related to the church. Parents, that's your responsibility. All we can do as a church body is augment and help you with that. But it belongs to you. Do you talk with them about what you're reading in the Bible yourself? Do you have family devotions? What is God teaching you? Do you tell them those things? Do you talk about God's perspective if you're discussing, say, the news, some event that happened, something that happened in their life? Or if you watch something for entertainment, do you talk about God's perspective of it afterward? Do you point out God's handiwork and creation as you travel from place to place? Just glorifying God as you go on. Hey, look at that, isn't that gorgeous? Look what God has done over there. Do you pray with them when you put them to bed? Do you praise God with them when you get up? He gave you another day of life. Our God is good. Do you prepare your kids for the day's activities by discussing what God would want them to do? Sometimes they're facing some real challenges. Do you discuss with them, here's what God would want you to do in the situation you're facing? Do you pray with them and ask Him for wisdom for them as they deal with the situations of life? To teach children to know the Lord, His will, and to walk with Him, it has to be a practical reality in your own life and something in which you engage in them at every opportunity throughout the day. You don't have a, here's my Bible time. Everything is Bible time. Everything is an application of what the principles and precepts of the Word of God say about applying it in daily life. Even as you're driving down the road and you just got cut off, the Word of God applies right there. How are you going to react? Your kids are watching you. Now a large part of this is your example because they are watching you. Life lessons are more caught than taught. Your children are watching all the time and learning from you whether you like it or not. Often as our children are young, they begin to talk and then they start repeating things, you start changing your own language because you start realizing they're repeating what you're saying and it really wasn't what you wanted. So children actually help us mature too. because they expose us. I want my example to be a good one on my kids. So do you. Does your life exhibit the characteristics of godliness listed in many passages? Psalm 15 for you guys. We talked about that many times. Psalm, Proverbs 31, 10 through 31 for you ladies. Is that the example you're trying to set for those around you? Or how about just First Corinthians 13, that section about love that's actually a correction, but it's still a pretty good section about this is what love is. Does that exhibit your life? Or how about all the many one another commands given to us? Is that part of who you are? Are you truthful or do you lie? Are you honest in business? Do you pay all of your taxes or do you cheat? Are you a diligent worker or lazy? Are you kind and gentle or are you harsh? Are you patient or hot-tempered? Are you generous or greedy? Are you humble or proud? What are you like when you're driving? What are you like when playing a game? What are you like when you win? What are you like when you lose? What music do you listen to? What do you do for entertainment? What are you like when you are sick? Are you a good patient or a bad one? Are you a loyal friend or do you engage in gossip about them? Are you trustworthy to keep your promises even when it is difficult to do so? Now the list could go on and on, but I think you get the idea. Now don't be discouraged if you see a lot of room for growth in yourself. A lot of areas you can improve in. Because the Christian life is about direction, not perfection. Perfection doesn't come until He glorifies us. And we're looking forward to that, but until then, that's just simply the way we're going. Are you becoming more like Christ? Now children are usually fairly resilient and they will take notice if you are changing. And that itself is a good example for them. When mom and dad are changing and it's acknowledged, it encourages the children that yes, they're gonna be changing too. They recognize their own sin. And usually children are very quick to forgive if you will acknowledge that you failed and you asked for it. Often much better than adults. That also is the proper example to them. So those things too are part of it. Good parents are not and will not be perfect. If that's what you're trying to be, it's a wrong goal. You need to be someone who's demonstrating an active pursuit of godliness. That's your goal. And that is what you are striving then to instill in them. That your own humility and recognizing your failings is something that they need to see. Because then that's going to encourage them to continue to grow and you're growing together. Now let me bring this back to an important tie it has to marriage. What is your example as a husband or a wife? Because your ability to properly raise your children is in a direct relationship to your ability to be a godly spouse. You will never be a better parent than you are a wife or a husband. Because the starting place of both is submission to the Holy Spirit. If you're unwilling to submit to the Spirit in your role as a spouse, you are not going to do that in your role as a parent. Because you've already decided you know better than God. You know what's best for your life. And that same basic belief then carries over into your parenting as well. You cannot be a better parent than you are a spouse. But you say your partner is not a believer or you're divorced, you're raising the kids by yourself. Well again, it is submission to the Holy Spirit that is primary. Do the kids see that? How do you treat your unsaved spouse or your ex-spouse? Does your example toward them reflect godliness and the love of Jesus Christ? If it does, it is going to be a positive influence for Christ on that child. If it does not, you will fill your children with whatever is in your own heart. Whether that's resentment, or pride, or bitterness, or anything else that is ungodly. Your example is teaching your children what they should be like when they are adults. What they should be like when they become a husband or a wife and have children of their own. I've got many stories that are related to this. One that pops in my mind was a lady. She had a five-year-old daughter. She and her husband were divorced. Her husband molested the daughter. It's about as bad as it can get. And her working with her daughter was incredible because they prayed for daddy every night. Prayed for God's mercy upon him and for his salvation. And so though there could be so much resentment, so much bitterness, instead there was compassion with, Daddy still needs to be saved. Because currently he's still headed for hell. And we don't want Daddy going there. So we pray for mercy. We pray for grace. Turn over to Ephesians 6. So Moses on parenting boils down to you're going to have to be diligent to put the work in, loving God yourself, demonstrating that to your children in your own life, and taking every opportunity to point out God, His work, and His will in everything in life. Now Paul has several places he talks about parenting. Ephesians 6 give some very succinct practical instructions on parenting. The first three verses are commands to children, but these commands have huge implications on the parent. Paul simply states here, children, obey your parents in the Lord for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. Paul is citing the fifth of the ten commandments in Exodus 20. This is what God requires of children and it is the first principle of active parenting. You are to require your children to obey you in the Lord for in doing so you are laying the foundation for them to learn to obey God. And that is why there's a blessing of a long life that goes with it. If you're walking with God there's blessings that go with that. You're not having to deal with the consequences of sin which shorten your life. Now if you do not require obedience from your children then you are teaching them to sin because now they're violating this command. And they will suffer the consequences of it. So your goal here is that your children are going to learn to obey you the first time right away with a happy face. Because anything less than that actually falls short and results in disobedience. Let me explain. Your child will obey you when you're serious about it. When you actually require it, your child will obey. Not rocket science there. You're big, they're small, okay? They will obey you. But not until you actually require it. So when is that? Is that the third, the fourth, the fifth time you tell them? Or maybe it's when you reach a certain decibel level in your voice, or the veins in your neck start popping out, your face is red. Does that mean you're serious? When is it that you are actually serious and say they need to obey? Well, let me make a suggestion here. Make it easy on yourself and your child. Just make it the first time. There's no guessing with that. Because if you do not do that, if you're not requiring first-time obedience, then you're teaching them they don't need to obey and can ignore you until they perceive, which often is a guess, that you actually mean it. That results in a threatening repeating parent that sins by teaching their child to sin. Because you are teaching them, you don't have to obey me yet. Now related to this is obedience of doing it right of way. We taught our sons to say yes sir, yes ma'am, or yes mommy, yes daddy, and we gave a command to do this so that they would respond this way and if they responded we knew they heard us. That's an important thing, okay? Now that often was joined with instructions. They were to come to us so we could make whatever instructions were given very clear, not just shouting throughout the house. It would be unfair to require obedience from your child if they don't know a command has been given, right? So this is one way to ensure, yes, they heard me. But what if Junior says, yes, sir, but continue to do whatever they were doing instead of stopping and then following your command? The child is actually taking the position of being the judge of what is and what is not important. Does that belong to the child? Of course not. That is the parent's responsibility. That right belongs to them. Allowing that is training them to disobey. Your child needs to obey the first time and right away. Now in saying that, the parents do need to take into consideration what is the child doing. You don't want to end up frustrating them because you're just arbitrarily saying you got to do this instead of paying attention to what they're doing. Set up a system of what we call the appeal process where they could appeal a command in a very respectful manner so as we have more information, we can make a better decision about where we're going to require them. But you don't want to end up rough shot over them without considering them or they're going to get frustrated. We'll talk about more of that in a minute. We also require our children to obey with what I'm going to refer to simply as a happy face. Okay? Because a child that comes and they're grumbling, complaining, or whining, they may have conformed outwardly, their behavior is there, but they're not obeying from the heart. And I cannot stress enough that the purpose of your parenting isn't behavior. That's the easy part. You say, you should see my child. No, I'm telling you now, behavior is the easy part. What's difficult is training their hearts. And that's what you're after. You're training them to love God with all their heart, soul, strength. That's your goal. So attitude is extremely important. Grumbling, complaining, whining, they are a demonstration of rebellion within the heart. It was that expression of internal rebellion against God in the wilderness wanderings is why God kept sending plagues upon them. It is why they ended up 40 years out in the wilderness until that generation died off. So God's serious about this. Grumbling, complaining, whining, they're forms of rebellion that are improper for the Christian. period. Glickens 2.14 tells us directly to do all things without grumbling or complaining. So don't tolerate it. Instead, correct it with whatever their improper attitude is while teaching them how to humbly express their desires. That's your responsibility. Teach them how to properly appeal a command that can help a lot with this too. Now, children can be forced to give behavioral obedience, but you have to go beyond that. Because remember, obedience, outward obedience is simply a schoolmaster that gives the child the skills to pursue godliness and success. What you want to instill within them are the principles of God's Word and train their hearts so they'll be internally guided rather than outwardly conformed. That's a huge difference in an actual godly child and one that's just conformed. It is that difference of why children raised in a otherwise Christian home that seems very godly, they get to college, and then they go wild. Because they're not trained in the heart, it's just this list of rules they have to obey. And once they get outside those rules, anything goes. That's your job as a parent. That's what your goal is supposed to be. Frankly, it should be by this. If you start early, by that time that child is 12 or 13 years old, they should understand obedience to the point that they are in submission rather than obedience. That is, they have a willingness on their part and a desire to follow your guidance. And that submission is secondary to you because it is primary to God. That seems almost incredible that a 12 or 13 year old would have a greater love for God and follow Him with or without whatever you say. But that's really your goal. And we pick 12 or 13 because a son of the law at a bar mitzvah, son of the law would be someone who actually had that. They knew the word well enough to follow it on their own. Have that as your goal for your child. Now that's going to be accomplished only with a lot of hard work and the help of the Holy Spirit because it's only through submission to the Holy Spirit that children are going to be able to honor their parents as God demands. Now Ephesians 6.4 is Paul's instruction to parents on basic principles for parenting. So the first one is children obey your parents, your response to make sure they are. Next, he gives instructions. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in a disciplined instruction of the Lord. Now, the specific command here, it says to the fathers, but that does not mean only dad's responsible for raising the kids. The immediate context is children obeying their parents, that's plural. The father is emphasized because he is the head of the home as stated in Ephesians 5. Therefore, he is responsible to set the tenor and the direction of the home, including how the children are raised. Mom is the helpmeet in this, but children are also to obey her and they're not to forsake her instruction, Proverbs 1-7. So it's addressed to fathers specifically, but mom is included in this as well. Now the first command he has is a negative to avoid. Do not provoke your children to anger. What Paul is referring to here are practices that regularly, consistently provoke, prod that child toward an anger response, whether that's an open anger or a hidden anger. The child is still responsible for their response, but if the parenting practices are improper and that's provoking it, the parent is also guilty. be two different sins, but the parent also is guilty. Now due to time restraints I'm not going to go into everything I could here, but let me give you a few examples. Online I posted this with a link to several sermons where I go into great detail about this. But here are some things that do prod children, provoke them to anger. First, your example. Proverbs 22, 24-25 states, Can you believe that? Sorry, you don't get to use that as excuse anymore, okay? It is a learned response of pride and selfishness. If you are an angry individual, your children will learn by that example, so you better get it together. If you have a real problem with anger, make an appointment with me, let's start dealing with it. Don't pass that on to other people, and especially don't pass it on to your children. Learn to deal with it. Second, abuse, whether physical or verbal. Proverbs 30, 33 warns this. For the churning of milk produces butter, and the pressing of the nose brings forth blood, so the churning of anger produces strife. Proverbs 15, 1 adds, a gentle answer churns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Abuse occurs when a child is physically or verbally assaulted in anger. That's never appropriate for a Christian because the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. If you are disciplining your children and you're angry, you need to settle down and control your anger before you do anything else. Never do something in anger. That will not achieve what you're trying to achieve, and that's the righteousness of God. In addition, the fruit of the Spirit includes patience, gentleness, and self-control. If those aren't there, you're not following the Spirit. You need to follow the Spirit in your parenting practices. Now, the child may not show anger outwardly because they fear you, but it is going to burn internally in resentment. Another one is inconsistency. If what you require of your child changes according to your whim, you're going to provoke that child to anger because what is expected from them is uncertain. From the child's perspective, I got spanked today, but yesterday it was cute. What's going on? They don't know. They're going to have to guess. Now if you train your child to first time obedience, it will be easier on both of you. The rules are the rules. You know what to do. There's a consistency there. Inconsistency provokes anger. Parental selfishness. You know the pop song, Cats in the Cradle? That's a good illustration of this one. The child is an extraneous or an intrusion into the parent's world. More common with dads and moms, but there are moms that do this as well. That will provoke anger if the child doesn't know they're loved. Favoritism. That was the cause of the rivalry between Jacob and Esau. And then Jacob repeated the same thing by his obnoxious favoritism of Joseph, resulting in his brothers selling him into slavery. Dad did that. Do not allow yourself become doting on one and unfair to the others. Your favoritism, your own selfishness can cause anger in them. Excessive expectation, discouragement often go together. That's demanding more than the child is actually capable of doing and then castigating him when he fails. Distinguish between childishness, that is the child actually does not have the skills to do it yet, between foolishness, which is active rebellion, they won't do it the way they're supposed to. They're not obeying the commands you've given them. Keep in mind, children develop at different rates, and they are going to vary from birth in abilities, both mentally and physically. Comparing your children to others who do something better is simply a source of discouragement. And then using affection to manipulate, that is simply cruel. And yet it has become very common because those parents that refuse to physically chasten their children are very prone to it. They've got to find some way to get the behavior out of their children. And so they will use this. Follow God's example in Hebrews 12. Even when your child is being disobedient and has to be chastened, your child should know absolutely that your love is unquestioned. It is there. That's how God loves us. He chastens those whom He loves. Now the second command here is a positive thing to do. Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Now the root meaning of bring them up is to nourish, to feed, to provide, which is an ongoing action. You finish one meal and you start preparing for the next one, right? It's just ongoing. Two aspects of bringing up the child, nurtured discipline and admonition instruction. Nurtured discipline, padia, is the education of the child in all aspects, morally, spiritually, as well as the world and society that surround them. And so it involves examples, it involves lecture and reading, observation, discovery. It sets up opportunity to practice, it gives reminders, it corrects back to the standard to reinforce a lesson. It's both formal and informal. It is what occurs throughout the day, in every circumstance, as we saw back in Deuteronomy 6. Nurture, discipline. Admonition, instruction, nuthesia, places more stress on the mental aspects of teaching. It sets in the mind the truths of life, both spiritual and societal. How to live with God and how to live with other people. It's exemplified in the book of Proverbs. You want to train your children well? Learn Proverbs. Post a proverb of the week. Memorize them. Proverbs 2, 1 through 4. To know wisdom, this is the purpose of Proverbs, to know wisdom, instruction, discern the sayings of understanding, receive instruction in wise behavior, righteousness, justice, and equity. To give prudence to the naive, to the youth, knowledge, and discretion. But there's also a strong element of correction within this word. That's why it's also translated as admonition as well as instruction. Correction given without provoking the child to anger. Not embittering them. And finally, the disciplined instructions would be given of the Lord. That means the primary task of the parent really is the same of what Moses was doing for the children of Israel. Our children need to understand who the Lord is, what he has done for them, and what it means to love him. That's what we're after. Now taking all this together, raising a child is going to encompass all that 2 Timothy 2, 16 and 17 says about the word of God. Teaching, reproof, correction, instruction, righteousness. Teaching, this is the path of life. Reproof, you've gotten off the path. Correction, here's how to get back on the path. Instruction, here's how to stay on the path of life. We keep repeating that with our children. We teach them, we reprove them, we correct them, we instruct them. There is no responsibility or privilege you will ever have greater than raising children. It's a wonderful thing. The purpose of parenting those children is to raise that next generation to know and walk with God. That has to be on your own heart first. Your goal for them in a practical sense is they've become responsible adults who will be a blessing in society and not a curse. And they're going to learn this so well, they're going to be able to repeat it with their own children. They're raised in the same way. Parenting will also change you. No parent is perfect, so expect to learn and grow alongside your children. I often think that God's designed for parenting that it lasts so long. When you think about other creatures that God has made, you know, from birth to adult is like really short. But for us, it's like this goes on and on and on. Why does God have it take so long? You know why? At least my thought. It's for you. It's going to take you this long to learn yourself to be mature. And you're going to mature alongside your kids. As they are growing, you are becoming more of what God wants you to be. And that is a wonderful blessing. When you do fail, or you recognize a past failure, then just deal with that guilt properly. You confess your sins to God, you receive His forgiveness, is 1 John 1, 9. If it affects your children, well then confess to them too. whether they're in or out of the house. If you recognize something you've done and it's effective, well ask for their forgiveness. That is a proper and genuine expression of godliness to them. Pray for God's mercy and grace that despite your failings, your children are going to stand on your shoulders and go beyond you. That's what every godly parent wants. I want my child to go beyond me. If you have children that are rebellious against God, then pray for God's mercy. That He will keep them alive and that His grace will be extended that they will yet come under conviction of sin to repent and then that He will draw them to Himself that they will believe and be saved. I know several of you have prodigals. They were taught the right thing, but they rejected it. We keep praying that prayer. God have mercy to keep them alive. God have grace to bring them to conviction of sin that they would believe. Because the greatest desire of any godly parent is a very simple one. I want my children in heaven with me for eternity. Father, thank you for the truth of your word. And Father, for the blessing that children really are, and though they're a lot of hard work, and sometimes they cause a lot of pain, yet those very things you use in our lives to make us more like Christ. And that is the ultimate goal, that we become like Christ and we help our children do the same. In Jesus' name, amen.