We're continuing our series through the home, considering today the role of the wife as a picture of the church. When Pastor Rick and I were deciding what to teach down in Ecuador and what order, after he was to do the introductory lesson on the home like he did last week, concerning the purpose of marriage being a strong union, that God established them in oneness for companionship. I said, we should do the wife next. And he said, why not the husband? The husband's the head of the home. We should do the husband. I said, well, that's because Paul deals with the wife first in both Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3. When he addresses the home issues, whether husband, wife, parent, child, it is the wife that he addresses first. And so we will be doing that as well. Ephesians 5, I want to read just verses 22, 23, and 24. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Now this is either a famous or infamous passage depending upon where you come from. This is entire passage from Ephesians 5.23 going down to chapter 6 and verse 4 is God's pattern of behavior and attitude for the home. He deals with the wives, the husbands, the parents, and the children. And here we have God's word, God's instruction manual on the home. He instituted the home, as we learned last week from Pastor Rick, Genesis 1, Genesis 2. God brought the woman to the man. He told him to be fruitful, to multiply. And so God instituted the home and he's given us his instruction manual on how the home, how marriage is, how parenting is to be done in the home for success. But we live in a day that it's very difficult to proclaim this because the world is not willing to accept it, especially this point that regards the role of the woman in the home. When a radical feminist hears verses 22 through 24, they bristle and the claws come out. These are fighting words. Other women give excuses and point to the terrible character of their husbands and say, you expect me to submit to him? Even Christian women, Christian feminists, and there is a movement of Christian feminism that insists that the woman's submission to the man was abolished by Christ in his redemption. on the cross for us. They argue that submission is part of the curse, which it is in Genesis 3.16, but that has now all been abrogated by the death of Christ, through Christ's atonement on the cross, because, and they go to, this is their primary passage, Galatians 3.28, where it says there is neither male nor female bond or slave, neither Jew nor Greek, for all are one in Jesus Christ. And that's true. As he says two verses earlier in verse 26 of Galatians 3, it is only by faith that we come to Christ. And so it's not, we are one in Christ, not based on nationality, not based on social status, and not based on gender. It is by faith alone in Jesus Christ that we are one. But this does not mean that all distinctions are erased on the human level. A slave was still a slave in Rome and Paul addresses them in chapter 6 that they are to be submissive and obedient to their masters. There is still a distinction between man and woman, no matter how many times people emaciate their bodies to make them look like the other sex. They are still as God made them, man or woman. Plus. Though a wife's submission to her husband is part of the curse in Genesis 3.16, it is significant that her subordinate role was present in Genesis 2 before the fall, before sin came. When God made the woman from the man, there is a priority of place within the relationship when God brought the woman to the man to be his helper. And the happy union that was established between them that day was to be maintained by following God's rules for marriage. Those rules are found for us here in Ephesians 5, they are in Colossians 3, they are in 1 Peter 3, and elsewhere throughout the scriptures. And we should note that these are rules or commands. In the construction of the Greek, they are commands, not suggestions, not statements. They are commands that the woman is expected to follow. And if followed, it will produce a successful and happy home. You have God's word on it. Now, first of all, we want to consider the command of submission. According to verses 22 through 24, the wife's role in a marriage relationship is to submit to her husband. Now, that word submit is used for all kinds of people in all kinds of contexts in the New Testament. It's a word used for children submitting to parents. It's used of slaves submitting themselves to masters, of Christians to follow those who are over them in the Lord. It is used for everyone submitting themselves to governmental authorities. And in all the various passages that mention this word, it is always submission for the purpose of order instead of chaos. The origin of this word comes from two words, a prefix, a preposition meaning under, and the verb means to line up, to rank, to line up under the authority of another person. It was a military term used for the ranking system in the military. In our military, we have a general over the colonel. who is over the major, who is over the captain, who is over the lieutenant, the sergeant, and so forth, down above private. And each one must obey the wishes of the one who is over them. They come under their influence. They come under their authority, and they must obey. The military has to have that structure in order for the orders to be carried out, to function efficiently. Each one lines up under the authority of the one ranked above him and submits to his wishes. So it's a word of order. It's a word of function. And God wants things done decently and in order. And so he established this kind of ranking system among the angels in heaven. We have the archangels and then all the subsets of angels, cherubim, seraphim, all the rest. We also see that God established this ranking authority thing in earthly nations. We saw that Romans 13 verse 1, let every person be in subjection to governing authorities for there's no authority except from God and those which exist are established by God. So there's God's authority who established governmental authority and we are to rank ourselves underneath that authority and obey the government. Peter tells us also, 1 Peter 2, 13, Submit yourselves for the Lord's sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors, etc. And why is this? Because God knows society is maintained on the basis of authority and submission. If you don't have this authority structure, you have anarchy. There must be order, and God also established this order in the church. Paul told Titus to establish, to appoint elders in every church. Christians are commanded in 1 Thessalonians 5.12 to respect those who are over you in the Lord, who admonish you, and esteem them highly for their work's sake. You see, in order to have order within his body, Christ gave authority to his under shepherds, and the sheep are to submit themselves to their authority, not their wishes, not their personal wishes, but only as they bring to bear on you the word of God. In this way, the church functions correctly. And God also established order in the family so that it can function efficiently. He determined a chain of command that the man is the leader and the wife follows the lead of her husband. There's one leader, not two. If you have two heads, what do you have? A monster. If you have two leaders in a group, There's chaos. You don't know who to follow. There's no peace. There's no productivity. So the wife's role is to willingly line herself up under the authority of her husband so that the marriage may continue unhindered in maintaining that oneness, that unity, that companionship that God established marriage to be. And note I said it's a willing submission. The subordination of a woman to the man in marriage is a voluntary submission. By that I mean when the man proposes, she doesn't have to say yes. If she can't find herself submitting to him, being his helper, she should say no. But if she says yes to the man's proposal, then she brings herself under Peter's admonition in 1 Peter 3 to be submissive and obedient to her husband. It's a voluntary thing. But if you say yes, then you must submit. If you don't want to, then don't marry the guy. Now this submission doesn't mean at all that the woman is inferior to the man. For the scripture says both man and woman are equally made in God's image, not one above the other. Nor does it mean that the wife is the slave of the husband. I think it was G. Campbell Morgan who wrote in his commentary about this, the woman was not taken out of the man's head to be over him, nor from his feet to be his slave under him, but from his rib. to be equal with him. And that's a good way to look at it. Adam doesn't think Eve is his slave when God brings her to him. Adam immediately perceives her to be his equal, one compatible with him, his other half. And then he composes on the spot the first love poetry. Now, this is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, one who is to be called woman because she was taken out of the man. He sees her as his equal, as his companion, as his equal, so that the unity, they can have unity and companionship together. And then there's also the fact that the scripture honors women and never belittles them. In the historical context of the writing of the New Testament, in Roman society, in Greek society, the woman was nothing. She barely had status above a slave. She could be cast out for whatever reason by her husband. But the scripture does not. belittle women that way. Genesis 2, she is the one who completes the man. And Proverbs 31 credits her as the reason for the man's success. In the New Testament epistles, Paul shows her to be necessary to the health of the church. And scripture also gives her this very important role in the functioning of the home. If she willingly submits to the leadership of her husband, The home functions the way God planned it to function, and that home has God's blessing upon it. Let me explain this functional aspect a little bit more from scripture, from the doctrine of the Trinity. Look at the verse I have on your outline from 1 Corinthians 11, verse 3. Paul writes, I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ. the head of woman is man and the head of Christ is God. Now that last phrase is key to understanding what Paul means when he says the head of the woman is the man. Notice what it says, the head of Christ is God. Now does that mean that Jesus is inferior to the Father? No. over and over you'll see Jesus saying things I and the Father are one they were one in essence they had the same as we've been studying in the attributes of God the attributes given to God the Father are the attributes of the Son and the Spirit they all three have the same essence of deity the same characteristics so Jesus and God are the same in essence Jesus and so if if the father is the head of Christ as it says here It's a matter of function only Within the structure of the Trinity it was necessary for the son to submit to the father And so the same Jesus who says all authority has been given to me under heaven and earth Also says my food is to do the will of him who sent me That was a willing submission in order to get the work done. And so in their inner nature, Christ and God are the same. But according to function, the son submits to the father. And in a similar way, the woman and the man are one. We're told that, here in Ephesians 5, Genesis 2, that they are one flesh. There's this union, one plus one equals one. As Rick quoted from Genesis 5, man and woman became man. Ish, is the Hebrew word for man, isha, meaning woman, ish and isha become ish. That's where we get the tradition of the woman taking the man's name in marriage. But this submission then is one of function. In function, the wife is to willingly submit herself to the husband. There is this distinction between them in the authority structure of the marriage. Now, let's look on next to the reasons God prescribes the subordination of the woman to the man. Number one, it is right. This is what Paul writes in Colossians 3 when he's giving the same kinds of instructions to marriage in the home. He says in Colossians 3.18, Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. The phrase as is fitting means what is good, what is right, what is natural, what is correct. It's a beautiful thing for a Christian wife to do, but if she steps out from under that role and tries to run the man, it's inappropriate. It's not right. It's not fitting. Have you ever seen a woman who's bossy over her husband, always nagging, always belittling him? She could be the most beautiful woman in the world, but you see her do that, she's as ugly as anything else. It's just not natural. It's wrong. It's not right. It's not fitting, especially for a Christian woman. For notice, it's as is fitting in the Lord. You're in the Lord. You don't act like that. It's not right. Now, the second and third reasons why God prescribed subordination of the woman to the man is in 1 Timothy 2. verses 12 through 14, which says, Paul writes, I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, but to be in silence. For Adam was formed first, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived fell into transgression. The second reason why God prescribes subordination of the woman to the man is it fits the order of creation. That's verse 13. for Adam was formed first, then Eve. According to scripture, the one who came first in time has the priority of place in the marriage. In other words, God sorted out all the roles in the beginning when he instituted marriage. When he made man first, And then he made woman for the man. Paul writes of this elsewhere, 1 Corinthians 11 verses 8 and 9. For man does not originate from woman, but woman from man. For man was not created for the woman's sake, but woman for the man's sake. The purpose of her creation was to be his helper. Not the other way around. But I want you to take notice of something here, man. We needed the help. We were not complete without her. Adam needed someone to complement him, to make up what he lacked. And so God says in the perfectly good world that he had created, Genesis 1, and everything he saw was good, in Genesis 2 he says there's something not good. It's not good for man to be alone. I will make him a helper suitable for him. In other words, the woman was another self, man's counterpart, not man's inferior. She was necessary for man's life, yet hers was a supportive role based on the order of creation. But the third reason God prescribes this subordination is it is the result of transgression. Notice verse 14 of 1 Timothy 2. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived fell into transgression. Eve's sin here showed a lack of respect for God's created order, and she willfully reversed it all. Instead of the man submitting himself to God and the woman submitting herself to the man and helping him, and together having authority over all the creatures. Because of her transgression, everything is turned topsy-turvy. The woman listens to the creature, the man listens to the woman, and neither listens to God. And for her sin, Part of God's curse upon her was to restore the proper roles, to restore that order of creation again. So it says in Genesis 3.16, God said, your desire shall be to control your husband, but he will rule over you. He's just getting it back to the way he instituted it in Genesis 2. But note there is this element of conflict. Your desire will be to control your husband, but he's going to rule over you. This is the beginning of the battle of the sexes, right here. There's going to be conflict. You're each going to want to control, but God says the man's going to rule. That doesn't settle well with women today. It hasn't settled with women well with women throughout the centuries. And it's part of the curse. But if this is followed, in the midst of this curse, there's blessing. Because if you do this, if the woman does subject herself to the rule of the husband, then you have God's blessing on the home. This is the way God He's made it to be successful, to be prosperous, to be good and happy. You want a happy home? Then follow God's prescribed plan for the home. And I know that this works. I've seen it in my own experience. Growing up in my home, my dad was the head of the house. And my mom willingly followed him. And my dad loved her more than anything else. And mom respected and loved him back. And guess what? I had the happiest home that I've known of from anybody. When I got to college, we started talking about home life together, sharing stories. I was surprised. Almost every single one of my friends said that their moms ruled the home. It was matriarchal rather than patriarchal. And each of them said their homes were miserable growing up. But my dad, when he married my mom, he was determined to make his home pattern after Ephesians 5 and 6. And when you do that, I'm not And I'm not trying to make any of you feel bad. It's just the way things work. God says, do this, and you'll be blessed. And that's how it was. And God has blessed me with a wife who is very willing to submit to my leadership. And we're happy together in our marriage. We don't fight. I can only remember maybe two, maybe times. We just get along. God blesses our marriage. Now, how does this work out in practice? Is there to be blind submission? No. Carla and I have our differences, our differences of opinions. And she offers her opinions to me, and even her objections to things. After all, ladies, you are to be the helper of your husband. You are to make up what he lacks. But if the husband makes the decision, even if you think it is the wrong one, you are to submit to his decision. God says the final decision is his, and you are to willingly go along with it. Now there's a fourth reason for the wife's submission to her husband, and that's in our text in Ephesians 5. It pictures a great truth. Verse 23 again. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Ladies, your attitude toward your husband is to be as the church is to Christ. The same way that Christians subject themselves to the Lord Jesus, is the same way you are to subject yourself to your husband. Do you love Jesus? Why do you love Jesus? Because he gave himself for you, right? He died for your sins, to take them all away, to give you an everlasting home. He died for our sins, that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him, so we might be accepted to God. And so the church responds to all of that in willing submission to our head, willing submission to Christ. We want to please him because he's done so much for us. Like a loving husband, he has made us his own. Like a loving husband, he has brought us into his family. He loves us and it's a love that lasts forever and ever. And so we ought to have positive feelings when we see this word submission. The church submits to Christ gladly, voluntarily, happily, because we know it's for our good. And verse 22 says that the wives are to submit to their husbands in the same way, as to the Lord. That says something about your attitude in submission. Your submission to your husband should not be with the attitude to, well, I'll do it, but this is really going to be tough. Or if you only knew what I was sacrificing to submit to him. No, you are to submit to him as you would the Lord Jesus. It's that important. So let's look next at some violations, how this command can be violated. Number one, complaining about your husband's demands. When your husband says, I don't want you to do that, honey, or I don't want you to buy that, or whatever it is, You shouldn't go and complain to a friend or a sister or your mother and say, he's so unreasonable. He's a tyrant. No. Let me illustrate it this way. Tell me, how do you respond to the command of Ephesians 4, verse 28, where Paul says, steal no more? How do you respond to that command? When you read that, do you call up an unsaved friend and say, you know what God makes me do? He says I can't steal to make a living. I have to work hard instead. You say, well, no, that's stupid. Yeah. And it's just as stupid to disobey the command to submit to your husband. Because it's God who placed him there as your head. So your complaining against him is a complaining against God, and that's sin. It's not being content with what he's given you. Now, it's easy to do because we're selfish by nature. But if you complain, your complaint is against God. Neither should you nag or whine or cry in order to get him to change his mind. Private nagging, public nitpicking is a strong temptation for wives. But is that how the Christian acts toward Christ? Is that how the Christian is to respond to the authority of God's Word? Neither should it be an option. at all in marriage. It's sin. Now ladies, you can communicate, you can talk things over with your husband, but make sure it's with the attitude that Paul tells us in Ephesians 5 verse 33 at the end of the chapter, that the woman is to respect her husband. And in verse 24, to do it as to the Lord. That's God's command to you. It's a command. Other ways a wife can violate her role of submission is through negative reactions to his decisions, like becoming moody or giving him the cold shoulder and not speaking to him. That's not a submissive spirit. Or if his decision turns out to be the wrong one, you can violate the scriptural principle also by pointing out his error. See, I told you so. That's a violation of verse 33 of respecting your husband. reminding him that his decision was wrong and that you were right is not complimenting him. It is not lifting him up. It's tearing him down. It's showing disrespect. Remember that God will hold him accountable for every decision he makes, so you don't have to also. Also, fighting or arguing with your husband is a violation of this command. If God commands you in Ephesians 5.24 to submit to your husband in everything, then it is always wrong to fight with him, to argue with him, every time. Even if you're right, it's wrong to fight and argue with him. If you fight with him, you're not submitting. Isn't that what the text implies? Is the church to fight with Christ? No. When we do fight against his will, are we wrong? Yes. Now in marriage, this doesn't mean you can't disagree, that you can't seek to advise your husband to a different course of action. but fighting, raising your voice against him, angrily arguing with him, dishonors God. And husbands, before you get too excited here, boy, this is great, Pastor Paul, give it to them. The Apostle Paul gets to you next with a higher duty than what he expects of your wife. Because you're to love her as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? Three ways. His love was sacrificial. Ephesians 5 verse 2. He gave himself up for her. He gave himself up in death for her. It was a sacrificial love. It was also an unconditional love. Romans 5 was why we were yet sinners, that He died for us. And in Romans 5 also, when we were enemies, He died for us. So His unconditional love, no matter what we would do or what we would be, Christ died for us. He loved unconditionally. And He also loves eternally, Romans 8. There's nothing that can separate us from the love of God, which is in Jesus Christ our Lord. And that's the kind of love that God expects you to love your wife. Sacrificially. I'm willing to lay my life down for my wife. Most Christian men will say that. How about this? Are you willing to sacrifice your time and your effort to help her with the dishes? To help her with the washing? Cleaning the house? Are you willing to love sacrificially? How about unconditionally? You see, you're to love her no matter... I'm sorry for stealing your thunder here, Rick. He's gonna get to this, but... Even if your wife doesn't submit to you, you are to love her as Christ loved the church. There's no excuses here for either wife or husband. Wife must submit no matter what kind of a pig or wretch her husband is. And the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church unconditionally and eternally. What God joins together, no one should separate. So if we are loving our wives as Christ loved the church, then for you to fight with your wife is sin. just as much it is for her to fight with you. Why? Because fighting divides. And what is the purpose of marriage, as Rick preached last week? We are one. There's a union, a unity, a oneness. That's what we are to be. And fighting divides that. So for that to work, Wives must willingly submit to their husband's authority. And guess what? God says it'll produce a happy home. It actually works. Now, a question we have to ask, though, at this point is, are there any exceptions to the wife's submission? Well, two things need to be said at this point. Ephesians 5, verse 24 says that the wife is to submit in everything. It's not submit if he meets my needs. It's not submit if he agrees with me. It's not submit if he loves me as Christ loved the church. It's submit in everything. Submit, and get this, submit even if you are right. And we're going to get to this in a later sermon. But isn't that included in everything? But there is one exception to the rule. And that's the principle that Peter lays down for us in Acts 5, verse 29. Peter and John have been in Jerusalem preaching in Jesus' name. and they are arrested, and they're brought before the Sanhedrin, who tell them, you must not preach in this name anymore. And what is Peter's response? We must obey God rather than man. You see, at that point, the Sanhedrin, who received their authority from God according to the scripture, Romans 13.1, there's no authority except what God has established, But as soon as they step out from under the authority of God, then Peter and John down here obey God rather than man. And it's the same thing in a marriage relationship. As we read from 1 Corinthians, the husband, the head of the man is Christ. He's under the authority of Christ. And as long as whatever he does in ruling his home and his marriage coincides with what God has prescribed under his authority, then the wife is to submit to the husband. But if that husband steps out from under God's authority and orders the wife to steal, to shoplift, because we need that, hide that in your purse, or tells her to don't read that stupid Bible, or Don't you dare go to church. The wife is to remain under the authority of God and not obey her husband. And if she suffers the consequences of that, not following the husband's rule, and she goes to church, and when she comes home, he's cruel or verbally or whatever, lest are those who are persecuted for my sake. For theirs is the kingdom of God. That's your responsibility. Outside of that, however, God says the wife is to submit to the leadership of her husband in everything. And if that divine command is obeyed, ladies, you will find that your husband will desire greatly to love you as Christ loved the church. He doesn't have to put up with a nagging, whining, complaining woman. What Proverbs says, it's better to dwell in this wilderness than with that kind of a woman. If you are the woman who willingly submits to her husband and loves her husband, as Titus 3 tells you, he'll have no problem loving you sacrificially, unconditionally, and eternally. And if both ladies and men obey the commands given them for the home, you will both picture the great saving nature of the gospel. It's going to be a testimony to the gospel, to everybody around you, because homes out there, if all my friends in college are any indication Marriages and homes are miserable because they're not doing it God's way. But when you do it God's way, it works and it shows the power of the gospel. It demonstrates Christ's love for the church and the church's submission to Christ. It pictures the gospel. If your little kid goes outside and talks to his friend and his friend says, why do you do all that religious stuff? Why do you always go to church? Why do you read that Bible all the time? Your child can answer his friend by talking about mom and dad. He says, well, do you know how my mom is always submitting to my dad's wishes, how she's always taking care of him, how she never argues with him, never publicly puts him down? Yeah, I've noticed that about your mom. My mom, she does that all the time to my dad, but your mom never does that to your dad. Well, that's what Christians are all about. They willingly submit themselves to Jesus, to all of his commands, and they're happy to do that because he has given them so much. He has died for their sins, to take them all away. He's joined them to his family, where we'll live with him forever. And he says, do you know how my dad is always doing whatever he can for my mom? How he's always sacrificing himself to care for her. How he's always trying to make her beautiful. That he sacrifices his time, his money, for her benefit. Yeah, I've noticed that about your dad. Well, that's what Jesus does for us. He sacrificed everything for us. He sacrificed himself to take away our sins, to make us his glorious, beautiful, clean church. That kind of testimony for the gospel can be true of your relationship with your spouse if you follow God's rules. you will exemplify, you will picture Christ's love for his church and the church's willing submission to Christ. And so I have to ask, are you both willing to do that? To follow God's rules? To do it for him? To do it for the gospel? And to do it for yourselves? Because if you do this, you have God's blessing. like Rick said last week, this is the manual. God instituted marriage in Genesis 2, when he brought the woman to the man, to be one flesh. And then he's not left us to flounder, he's given us the manual. We have a manual for a coffee pot, we have a manual for a car, for pretty much every other product. And if you follow the directions, the product will work the best for you. Here's our directions. Follow the directions, and it'll work out the best in your marriage. Let's pray. Our dear Heavenly Father, we thank you that you have not left us without a guidebook for our marriages, for our homes, for life itself, for our soul's sake. You have given us your word, you have given us in love your son to die for us so that we might be made the righteousness of God that we might be accepted in your sight justified freely through Christ we read about in your word in in and if that were all you taught us it would be enough for we would have eternity but you've also told us how to to get by in this world among all relationships submitting ourselves one to another and here even in Ephesians 5 and Colossians 3 and in other places how we can have a happy home this is what we all desire we don't just we don't want fighting we don't want discord we want a happy home and you've given us the way we can have that happy home. But it takes sacrifice on the part of everyone to put self aside and seek the best for the other person, which is biblical love, the love that you loved us and sending your son and the love of Christ of giving himself for us. May we have that same kind of love for each other so that you will be honored and glorified that we might picture the gospel in the way we treat our spouse.