All right, men, are you ready? We've picked on the women enough. It's the men's turn tonight. All right. Turn to Colossians chapter 3, verse 19. Tonight we'll be in verse 19. A church bulletin once read, at the lady's fellowship, many interesting articles were raffled off. Every lady brought something that she no longer needed. Many of the ladies brought their husbands. There are probably many wives who wouldn't mind making that little profit by raffling off their husbands. Hopefully, that's not the case here this evening. Some may even pay to have you take them off their hands. But of course, no marriage ever begins there. It doesn't start there. And I think almost probably every marriage, or even before, we have a couple of people getting married soon this summer. The expectations are sky high. The expectations are very high and there's lots of things that are expected when one enters into marriage. But somewhere, not too far along in the marriage, there's a fork that comes in the road. From that point on, the marriage either seems to grow better or the marriage seems to grow bitter. Either a husband and a wife are growing closer in a deepening love for each other, or they are growing more distant as resentment and anger can set in and build a wall between them brick by brick. Beginning at Colossians chapter 3 and verse 12, Paul shows how a close relationship with God should impact our relationship with one another, specifically here as we see in our relationships with our family. And those relationships and those proper relationships in the family are dependent upon us putting off the old man and putting on the new. Those who have been chosen of God should then be compassionate and kind and humble and meek and long-suffering and forbearing and forgiving towards one another. The love and the peace of Christ then bind us together in unity and love in the body. And we are to let these same characteristics and qualities work together in our lives and our homes as well. We are to let the word of Christ to dwell richly within us, and we are to encourage and to teach one another. Accordingly, and Paul sums up his general exhortation in living the Christian life in verse 17 when he says, and whatsoever you do in word or deed do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. That command includes everything we communicate and all of our actions and our attitudes and our behaviors, and it applies in the home as well with the husband and wife relationship. Now, it is on the basis of these general commands to all Christians that Paul now gives instructions to the various different family members, various different members of the family and the workforce, starting with the most intimate relationship and then working out from there. Paul applies these qualities specifically to wives and husbands, to children and parents, and then to slaves and masters. Now, the last time we were together, we talked about the role of the wife. So we will not dwell on that tonight, except to encourage the wives to fulfill that role of being submissive to and reverencing their husbands as it is fit in the Lord. Ladies, do not fall for the worldly idea and the worldly mindset that is out there today with this feministic idea that has had such a great negative impact on our society. You can have a much better, much more efficient life and marriage by living it God's way instead of the world's way. So on the heels of the command in Colossians chapter 3 and verse 18, wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands as it is fit in the Lord. On the heels of that command, which required the wives in the Colossian church to continue making it their habit of voluntarily submitting themselves to their husbands, Paul issues their husbands a similar command, a command followed by a corresponding prohibition. The command required that their husbands continue to make it their habit of divinely loving their wives. And then he issues the men a corresponding prohibition, a prohibition which required that not only they make it their habit of loving their wives, but that they continue to make it a habit of not being bitter against their wives. So tonight we're going to address the specific role of the husband in the marriage. However, it's important that everyone pays attention. Wives need to know how to encourage their husbands and how to properly love them. Unmarried men need to know what God's expectations are if they do get married. Unmarried ladies need to know what qualities they should be looking for in a husband if they are going to get married. So tonight we're gonna look at this verse and look at the role. We're gonna get to the first part of it tonight. We won't get to the whole verse, but we're gonna look at the first part of verse 18. So let's look at verse, or sorry, verse 19. Let's look at a very simple statement here. In verse 19 of Colossians 3, the Bible says, husbands, love your wives and be not bitter against them. Just as God gives us the command to ladies, to wives, to submit themselves to their own husbands, he gives a command to husbands. And that command here is to love your wives. So last month, we looked at the new wife and her responsibility to her husband. Tonight, we look at the new husband and his responsibility to his wife. And there are really two sides to Paul's command. There's a positive side and there's a negative side. The positive side is that husbands are to love their wives. The negative side is don't be bitter. Don't be bitter against your wife. No matter how mature you are as a Christian, No matter how far along you are in your Christian life, we all have room to grow in this area, whether it be wives submitting to their husbands or husbands loving their wives. We all have room to grow in obedience to these commands. Now, it's not the sort of thing that we can just say, oh, we've got that one checked off our list, and we're good. I don't need to grow in this anymore. Husbands, if you will do these two things, then the command to the wife will be much easier for her to fulfill. And the vice versa is true. Wives, if you are obedient to the command to submit to your husbands, this command to husbands will be much easier for him to fulfill. It has been generally and accurately observed that what ladies desire the most is to be truly loved. And what men desire the most is to be genuinely respected. It should not be hard for a lady who is saved to genuinely respect a man that truly loves her. And neither is it hard for a saved man to truly love a lady that genuinely and truly respects him. These are the very commands that God gives to the husband and the wife to fulfill. So tonight, let's focus on how we can apply these commands to our marriage so that our marriages will grow better and not bitter. First of all, the duty of the husband is that he must love his wife. It's a present active imperative. So this is a command. It's in the present tense. So this is something that a man, a husband, is to be doing in an ongoing way. After Paul's command to the wives to submit to their husbands, you could have expected Paul to write something like this. as it relates to the responsibility of the husband. Husbands, rule over your wives as Christ rules over the church. Now, is it true that Christ rules over the church? It is, but that's not what Paul says here. Many husbands, though, read it that way. If you were to ask them their number one responsibility toward their wife, what many men may say is that they're to be the head of the home. That's their responsibility. And that is true. It is true that men are to be the head of the home. But here Paul says that the man's responsibility, the husband's responsibility, his role is to love his wife. So if you are a husband, you should think often about how you can better love and care for your wife, even as Christ loves the church. And to apply this verse properly, we need to understand what Paul meant when he gave this command to love our wives, but also what he didn't mean. If love is a strong feeling or a strong emotion over which we have absolutely no control, what then happens when those feelings and emotions are gone? There's not much you can do about it. And people in the world, they'll say things like, well, we're no longer in love. So it would just be best if we go our separate ways. That's a common thing that's said out there today. it would be best if we get divorced and just move on. Now usually these couples, these people that are in those kinds of relationships are so angry and so bitter that they don't even want to work at rekindling their love for each other. But as we know, and we talked about this several months ago when we looked at verse 14, and above all these things, put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness. Biblical love is not primarily a feeling or an emotion. True biblical love will result in feelings and emotions. They will bring about feelings and emotions. But that is not what true biblical love is. Rather, we said that true biblical love is a self-sacrificing, caring commitment which shows itself in seeking the highest good for the other person. That's true love. While such love will result in deep feelings and will result in deep emotions for the other person, the core of love is not feeling or emotion, but rather it's a commitment Romantic love or emotional love focuses on how the other person makes you feel. But true biblical love focuses on what I must do for the good of the other person. That's true biblical love. This is a love that arises from the will. It's a love that sacrifices itself for the best interest of the other person. That is love. It can be willed, and it is seen more in actions rather than feelings. Love is action, not a feeling. And its goal, its aim, is totally different than the selfish aims of romantic or emotional love. And so to obey this command, men, we need to understand that the main way that I love my wife is by being committed to sacrificing myself to seek her highest good. Now, there are several parts to this kind of love. First of all, love is a commitment. Love is a commitment. In 1 Corinthians chapter 13 and verse 8, the Bible tells us that charity never faileth. Love is an ongoing, permanent commitment. If our marriages are built upon true biblical love, then that love can never fail. That love can never be broken. Now there may be times where we struggle in our day-to-day living and in our day-to-day living with our spouse, but that should never be the norm in a Christian marriage. Love requires a commitment, and it requires a commitment to act in a certain way towards our spouse, towards our wife. And this command applies to every husband, whether you're a new husband or an old husband. It applies to us all. Now, there's good news and there's bad news or difficult news in this command. The good news is that even if the feelings of love have waned in your marriage, they can be rekindled. The excuse, I just don't love her anymore, it's never a valid excuse for the Christian man. It's never a valid excuse. I just don't have feelings of love for her anymore, so I don't love her. Paul doesn't say love your wife if the two of you are compatible, if you're romantically attracted to one another. No, Paul doesn't say that. He tells the husbands that it is their responsibility to what? Love your wife. So we must learn what love is and then do it. We must do it as husbands. If you obey this command, then the feelings will follow. So there's hope, even for what may seem to be the most hopeless of all situations. Now the bad news, or the difficult news, is that loving your wife then becomes a matter of obedience to God, for which you, husband, are responsible. You are responsible, as the husband, to love your wife. If there's little to no love in your marriage, than husband, it's your fault. But if you knew how this woman treated me, God says, love your wife. But if you had to live with this woman every single day, Paul says, love your wife. But I've done so much for her and she doesn't even recognize it. Paul says, love your wife. Paul yanks out the rug from underneath all of the excuses that a man may make. Love for my wife is a command for which I am responsible to obey. It's my responsibility. If I blame my wife for the problems in the marriage, Christ puts it back on me. Christ's church, think about the church, it hasn't always been the most beautiful bride. But Christ still loved her with an everlasting love. A committed love. One that sacrificed, that Jesus Christ sacrificed himself on the cross for. And that's how men, you must love your wives. Turn over to Ephesians chapter five. Ephesians chapter five really expands on this passage, this parallel passage. And in verses 25 through 33, Again, the Apostle Paul gives us a further description here of love and as it relates to the husband and the wife. And we see the husband commanded in three different occasions in this passage to love his wife. You see it in verse 25, husbands love your wives. Then down in verse 28, so ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, and then down in verse 33, nevertheless, let every one of you in particular so love his wife. So Paul here, three different occasions, tells husbands, men, to love their wives. So what I'd like to do is I'd like to take just a few moments to go through this passage, because this passage really expands on the husband and the love that he used to have for his wife. And look at what love is. We said that love's not a feeling, it's not an emotion. It results, it can result in that. But here we see, I see four different aspects of love. And I've got them alliterated, your dad would be proud. All four S's. The first S is found in verse 25. And the verse says, husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. The first S is that love is self-sacrificial. Husbands, do you give yourself to meet the needs of your wife? Do you give yourself to fulfill the desires of your wife for her good? Not as a way to manipulate her for you to get something in return, but for her, to be pleased and for her to be happy. Biblical love means sacrificing yourself for your wife. It means dying to yourself. and living for her highest good, even as Jesus Christ died on the cross, so that we may have eternal life. The husband who submits to the Lord by being filled with the Spirit, by letting the word of Christ dwell in him richly, is able to love his wife with the same kind of love that Jesus has for his own bride, the church. And so the Lord's pattern of love for his church ought to be our pattern as men of love for our wives. That now is complete sacrifice, complete and total sacrifice. And until you have died in the place of your wife, you have not loved her to this extent, the same extent that Christ loved the church. And that means that every husband here today still has room to grow in this area. Now, probably you'll never literally need to lay down your life for your wife. It may happen. But it's probably, percentages are pretty low that that will have to happen. But almost daily, you have opportunities to die to yourself. by putting aside something that you want to do in the moment and serve your wife. Maybe it's listening to your wife share a concern without responding negatively or getting angry. Maybe you wanted to relax or read a book or do something else. Maybe she needs help with the kids or cleaning up in the kitchen or doing the laundry or doing some menial task around the house. Perhaps she would be encouraged if you stopped what you were doing to pray with her about a difficulty that she may be facing. Your wife always needs you to take the time to listen and understand her needs and then verbally assure her and reassure her that you love her and that you're committed to her. And so when we look at what Paul says here in verse 25 of Ephesians 5, we see here that love is sacrifice. It's a self, a sacrifice. Love always sees a need and then takes action on that need to care for that need. And it does so without any consideration of whether that person deserves it or if there's any deserving or worth. A husband is not commanded to love his wife because of what she is or what she is not, or who she is or who she isn't. He is commanded to love her because it's God's will for him to do so. And it is certainly intended for a husband to admire and be attracted to his wife's beauty and kindness and gentleness or any other positive quality or virtue of the wife. But though such things may bring great blessing and enjoyment, they're not the bond of marriage. They're not the thing that holds a marriage together. If every appealing characteristic and every virtue of the wife were to disappear, all of those wonderful qualities, the husband is still under an obligation to love his wife. And even, maybe even more so, he's under that obligation. That is the kind of love that Christ has for his church. And he is therefore, it is the kind of love that every Christian husband is to have for his wife. A sacrificial love, a sacrificial love also does whatever needs to be done, and it does not count the cost or count merit. It reaches out. It helps. It leads. It teaches. It warns. It encourages. It supports. It uplifts. Whatever it needs, it gives. Whether its help is received or rejected. Now, ladies, it would do you well to receive your husband's love. In other words, when When we think about the definition of love, it's the self-caring, self-sacrificial commitment to see the good of the other person, their highest good. Ultimately, the highest good is spiritual. So there may be times where the husband will need to help you in a spiritual way. Receive that help. Receive that love. Love continues as long as the need continues. Now the Christian who loves because of what other people may do for him or because they are attractive does not love as God loves. Love is not, we don't love to get. We don't love to have something done in return. The husband who loves his wife only because of her physical attractiveness or her pleasing temperament or whatever personality that she may have does not love her as Christ loves the church. The husband who loves his wife for what she can give him or what she can do for him does not love as Christ loves the church. The husband who loves his wife as Christ loves his church gives everything he has for his wife, including his life if necessary. Now, if a loving husband is willing to sacrifice his life for his wife, shouldn't he then be able to sacrifice in less menial ways for her? making lesser sacrifices for her, he should be willing to put his own likes and his own desires and his own opinions and his own preferences and his own welfare aside if that is what is required to please his wife and to meet her needs. So the man dies to self in order to live to serve his wife. because that is what Christ's love demands. And that is really how a husband submits to his wife. Back in, Verse 21, we mentioned this last week in Ephesians 5, submitting yourselves one to another. We talked about that with the wife submitting to her husband. That's primarily the wife's role, but husbands, there's also to be this mutual submission that occurs. As a husband, say, how do I submit to my wife? How do you submit to your wife? Well, you love her in the way that God loves, and Christ loves his church. And that is at least one way how you can submit to your wife. So the first S, love is self-sacrificial. Number two, love is sanctifying. Love is sanctifying, verses 26 and 27. that he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, that he may present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives even as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. A husband's love should not seek to condemn his wife when she is wrong, when she does something wrong, but rather he should be there to seek to help her to be cleansed of whatever that wrongdoing is. Love is sanctifying. Love should be there to help cleanse and bring cleansing, not condemnation. You know, sometimes when a wife will, maybe the wife does, it could be anybody, someone sins against you, immediately you wanna crush them. You wanna condemn them. But that's not what true love does. True love seeks not to condemn, not to crush, but to restore, to help cleanse. You think about, we talked, had the whole series on forgiveness. The believer, is forgiven of every sin past, present, and future at the moment of salvation. The moment that he trusts in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, he's forgiven of his sins. And after that initial and full cleansing of sin, we talked about the foot washing concept, there's still a need, as Jesus explained to Peter, to be cleansed periodically in life because of sin, because of our flesh. So as we continue to confess our sins to God, the Bible says that he is faithful and just to forgive us. And so there's this cleansing that takes place as we confess our sins to God. In the same way in a marriage relationship, husband's true love should desire and should want to help restore the relationship if that relationship has been broken in the marriage. Help your wife be cleansed, to be sanctified. And what is the agent? How do we do it? We just tell her? Do it, you need to do this. No, what's the agent of sanctification here? It's verse 26, with the washing of water by the word. God's word is the agent of sanctification. We use the word of God to help our family men. We should be leading in that. God's word is the agent, the objective of which is a blamelessness and a holiness that makes all of us fit to be presented to Christ as his own beloved and eternal bride. So we can dwell in his glorious presence forever. Isn't that a blessing? That we can be presented to God holy and unblameable and unreprovable in his sight? Love only wants the best for the person that it loves, the one that it loves. And it cannot bear for a loved one to be corrupted or to be misled. When a husband's love for his wife is like Christ's love for his church, what's he gonna do? He's gonna continually seek to be sure that she is cleansed from any sort of defilement. He will seek to protect her from this world and the worldly ways and protect her holiness and protect her virtue and protect her purity in every way. And he will never cause her to do something that is wrong. or something that is unwise, or expose her to something that is less than good. That's what a loving husband will do. Saving grace makes believers holy. How? Through the cleansing agency of the Word of God. So why? So that they may be presented to Christ as his pure bride, so we can dwell with him forever. And it is with that same purpose, and in that same way, and in that same love that husbands are to cultivate and develop a love that sanctifies their wives for that same purpose. So love is self-sacrificial, love is sanctifying, and then third, love is sympathetic. Verses 28 through 30. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the Church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. Love is sympathetic, right? So how, men, are we to love our wives? We're to love them as our own bodies, it says. How do we take care of our own bodies? Very well, I think, for the most part. We do a pretty good job at it. And so we are to care for our wives in the same way. For a husband's love for his wife to be like Christ's love for the church, it must be affectionately caring to the extent that he cares as much for her welfare and as much for her well-being as he does his own welfare and well-being. What does that mean? Treat her with the same kind of care that you treat yourself. Treat her with the same kind of care that you give to your own body. And let's face it, men. Every one of us seeks to make sure that our body is taken care of with the utmost care. We feed it. We wash it. We work out. We do all these things to take care of our body, right? We care for our bodies. And sometimes we really care for our bodies. In that way, you know, we think of what the effort that it takes to do that. It takes time. You know, you need to go exercise. You got to spend time. You want to feed the body, it's going to take effort. It's going to take money. It's going to take thoughtful planning to do all the things that are part of caring for our own bodies. So if you're going to take care of your wife in that way, that means you're going to have to spend time. You're going to have to probably spend some money and some effort taking care of her. Husbands, do you give that kind of consideration to your wife? We must have the perspective, men, that she is a God-given treasure for which she is to be loved for and cared for and nourished and cherished. That's what God has given us as men, as husbands. We are to provide for her needs. We are to use tender love and physical affection to give her warmth and comfort and protection and security. So love is Self-sacrificing. Love is... Sanctifying. Love is sympathetic, right? Does everyone understand that, the sympathetic part? Caring for others like we care for ourself. Okay, last. Then your dad would be really proud of this one. Love is shatterproof. Shatterproof. Had to get creative. All right, verses 31 through 33. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and shall be joined unto his wife, and they too shall be one flesh. This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let every one of you, in particular, so love his wife even as himself, and the wife see that she reverence her husband. What we see here is that the husband and wife are no longer two, but they are one. God's design for marriage is that it is indivisible and it is unbreakable. Marriage, true love in marriage, is shatterproof. It's unbreakable. It's indivisible. Marriage creates a permanent, lifelong, covenant relationship that should never be broken. We already looked at this in 1 Corinthians chapter 13. Charity never fails. Divorce is never an option. God hates it. Just as the body of Christ, the church, is indivisible, it's unbreakable, God's design for marriage is that it be also unbreakable. As Christ is one with his church, husbands are to be one with their wives. Therefore, when a husband harms his wife, he harms himself. A husband who violates his marriage violates himself. A husband who destroys his marriage in any way destroys a part of himself. So husbands, honor your wives as unto the weaker vessel. Be sensitive to their feelings. Be considerate of their needs. Be chivalrous and courteous in your attitude towards your wife. and love them even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it. It's a lifelong commitment. And it's a growing process. So let's make sure that as we go out this week, that we grow in it. We grow in our love for our wives. And we work at obeying this week. And then on to the future for the rest of your life, that the love in our marriage continues to grow and grow and grow, and so that our marriages can grow better and not bitter. Let's pray. Dear Father, we're thankful for your goodness to us. We ask that you would be pleased, that you'd be honored and glorified in our homes and in our families. We know, Father, that we all have room to grow in these areas. We ask for strength. We ask for wisdom as we live in these relationships at our homes. that you'd help us men to love our wives as we ought, and that you'd help us to set good examples for our children, that you would be honored and glorified in all that we do.