We are in 1 Peter 3, verses 1-7. Let us hear God's word to us today. Likewise, you wives be submissive to your own husbands, so that if any do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, as they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Do not let your adorning be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine clothing, but let it be the hidden nature of the heart, that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. For in this manner, in the old times, the holy women who trusted in God adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. You are her children as long as you do right and are not afraid with any terror. Likewise, you husbands live considerably with your wives, giving honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they too are also heirs of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered. Finally, be all of one mind, be loving toward one another, be gracious and be kind. The grass withers and the flower fades, but the Word of our God stands forever. Just a little preview there for you of next week, as we start in verse 8. It's an easy passage to get carried away with. 1 Peter 3, 1-7, a text that has had much made of it over the centuries and indeed there is much here. Ladies, as we read through this passage you might have heard some titles of some books that maybe you've read or you've had recommended to you by a friend or a mentor or maybe even your husband. But we will see in this passage that there is an intentionality that a man and a woman are to have in marriage. And singles, we love you. We care about you. We desire to minister to you. But don't don't shut down now. Don't think, oh, this is about marriage. I can, you know, breed my little dragons on my app for the next hour or so, no? Because it just so happens that you probably came from a marriage and more likely than not you're headed toward a marriage and even if you have that gift of singleness and you are single for the rest of your life and never marry, you'll be surrounded by marriages for which you can pray. And so this is for all of us today on some level. Peter shows us that in marriage, the gospel should be on display for all to see. So therefore, we should intentionally put the good news of Jesus on display in our marriages, in our homes. There's an important word that's used twice in this passage, and it is the word likewise. And the question comes, what is that likewise referring back to? there's either, there's a couple of opinions, one is either there's a consistency to how likewise is used or there's an inconsistency. So some commentators see likewise, likewise you wives, referring back to the submission of servants to masters. And then the second likewise, meaning we're continuing on in the same topic. I don't believe that is the case in this text. I believe likewise and likewise are both referring back to the same thing. And that is the sacrificial work of Jesus Christ that is mentioned for us in verses 21 through 25. For to this you are called because Christ suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps. He committed no sin, nor was deceit found in His mouth. When He was reviled, He did not revile back. When He suffered, He did not threaten, but He entrusted Himself to Him who judges righteously. He Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, being dead to sins, should live unto righteousness. By His wounds you were healed. for you were a sheep going astray, but now have been returned to the shepherd and guardian of your souls. Likewise, you wives, do this. Likewise, you husbands, do that." Let us be reminded, brothers and sisters, that marriage is a long, slow death. It is a death to me. It is a dying to my will, my desires, my druthers, my fancies, my tastes. It is a self-sacrificing life. Just as Christ sacrificed himself for the church, we are to sacrifice ourselves for the good of one another. Likewise, brothers and sisters, and yet there are hindrances to this in our lives. There is fear. What if I don't get what I want? And our spouse might look at us and lovingly say, but what if what you want is really dumb and something you don't need? Right? What if I don't get my way? What if I don't? What if my dreams aren't fulfilled? There's frustration. Why does my spouse keep doing what they do? I've told them a million times how ineffective, how unhelpful, how ungodly that is. There's even a focus issue that comes in. There are other things we would rather do than take the time to die. Take the time to sacrifice ourselves for the good of this one. There are other things, even careers, and let it be noted that even homemaking can be a career that can ultimately keep us from sacrificing ourselves in the marriage. When it becomes such a focus that we lose track of our spouse in the midst of it. Likewise, as Christ laid down his life, marriage calls us to lay down our own. So secondly, now we come to this instruction to wives, wives, be submissive to your own husbands, so that if any do not obey the word, they may be one without a word by the conduct of their wives. Now, wives, I understand your husband is slow. I know he needs lots of words to get the point that he needs to get. But that's not the direction the Apostle Peter points us. He points us to a humility. He points us to a submission to authority in our life. One commentator points out that this relationship of submission to an authority is used throughout the New Testament. It's used of Jesus submitting to the authority of Mary and Joseph. It's used of demons being submissive to the disciples as they commanded them and cast them out. It's used of citizens being subject to governmental authorities. It's used of The universe being subject to Christ, it's used of unseen spiritual powers being subject to Christ. It's used of Christ in redemption, being submissive to the Father. It's used of church members being submissive to church leaders. Obviously here of wives being subject to their husbands, of the church being subject to Christ, of servants being subject to their masters. and of Christians being subject to God. Then he goes on and says, none of these relationships is ever reversed. That is, husbands are never told to be subject to wives, nor the government to citizens, nor masters to servants, nor the disciples to demons. It's an established relationship of authority. And who is this authority? How do they act in your life, wives? Well, maybe they're a non-believer. Or maybe they're a believer that even acts in unbelieving ways. So that if any do not obey the word. Husbands, let us not fool ourselves into thinking that every command that comes from on high, us, is actually fully in accord with God's word. We're sinners too. And so, as this husband is acting in unbelieving ways, either because they're a non-believer or they're a believer who's off, the goal is to win the husband with conduct. Win them without a word. As they see the purity and reverence of your wives. Not completely without the Word of Christ, the holy and humble conduct toward them will soften them, make them speak highly of their Christian wife and prepare them for the spirit to implant the word of God that brings about radical change in their heart and life. Ladies, in becoming members of Trinity, you vowed to seek to win others to Christ. Do you see winning your husband to Christ as part of that? Oh, but he's already a Christian. Remember that this is to wives whose husbands do not obey the word or are not obeying the word. Even believing men, believing husbands can veer off course or even drift over time away from the righteousness of God. Wife, how will your spirit, your answers, your words, your actions toward Him, win Him to the truth? Win Him to Christ? Not win Him to your side of the argument, of the issue. but win him to the side of the godly for eternity. Remember in 2 Kings 5 where we read of that godly servant girl who had been taken from Israel and ended up in the service of Naaman's wife. Remember how the Lord used her humble spirit and quiet words, her private counsel, to direct Naaman to Elisha and to be healed? How much more if God can use a servant? Could the Lord use a humble, godly, pure and reverent wife to turn the heart of a man to the one by whose stripes he will be fully healed? We have further instruction here to the wives in verses 3-6. That wives, you are to dress up in holiness. Dress up in holiness. Do not let your adorning be the outward adorning of braiding the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine clothing. But let it be the hidden nature of the heart. That which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit which is very precious in the sight of God." This is one of those comparative passages that over the years has, I think, been kind of kicked and dragged kicked and screaming out of its context and applied in ways that it's not naturally and inspirationally meant to be applied. This is like unto the passage that tells us that to love Jesus we have to hate our families. And hopefully you don't think, well good, because if you knew how the trip to church went this morning, you'd know that to love Jesus this morning I did have to hate my family. No, it doesn't mean that we are to proactively hate. It's a comparative statement. Compared to your love for Christ. Your family should think, do they really care about us? They love Jesus so much. Same is the case here. And not that we promote immodesty, but the reality isn't that the Apostle says, don't ever do any of this. It says that the real beauty, the real dressing up, the real ornateness should be on the heart. We see this in the world around us. We know women who go all out to do everything they can to look perfect all the time. I'm talking with the kids a couple weeks ago. I came up about how some women will wrap their hair at night so that it doesn't get messed up while they're sleeping. And it reminded me of the farmer's wife back home in Ohio who every night would wrap her beehive hairdo in toilet paper and would sleep sitting up so that her hair would not be messed up. People go to all kinds of lengths to look good. And sometimes you can see someone and you think, well, there's an attractive person. I don't necessarily mean sexually, but they're appealing, you know, they seem like this might be enjoyable. And then they open their mouth and start talking and you realize there's a whole, you know, beauty is skin deep. Ugly goes clear to the bone, right? I mean, I mean, there's a whole lot of ugly in that heart that's coming out. And the apostle is putting the emphasis on the inner life, on the heart, that that is where true beauty is to be found. He even calls it an ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. And then he begins pointing back to the Old Covenant, the Old Testament, to point out examples of women. This is how they lived. Now, Abraham was an extremely wealthy man. I find it hard to imagine that Sarah didn't have some type of jewelry or nice robe that she would wear occasionally. You think of Job, probably the richest, one of the most powerful men in the world in his day. I'm sure his wife had nice things. But again, not the emphasis. He drives us to Abraham and Sarah as a pinnacle example of this type of humble, gentle, quiet beauty of the heart. We read in Genesis 18-12, Therefore Sarah laughed to herself, saying, After I am so old, and my Lord is old also, shall I have pleasure? She meant bearing a child. Those of you who might have not realized that bearing and birthing a child was pleasure. That's the pleasure she looked forward to, is having this son, the son of promise that had been so long waited for. And it's easy to think when the promise is coming that she will bear a child, oh my Lord and my master, my husband, is this possible that this could happen? But Sarah didn't just call Abraham Lord, she acted out the fact that she was in submission to him. We see this in Genesis 12 and in Genesis 20. where there are moments that, you know, you go to premarital counseling, you go to a marriage conference, and never have I heard a talk begin with, men, rule number one, make sure your wife doesn't ever end up in the harem of a pagan leader. I mean, this seems like very basic marital truth and counsel. Guys, don't ever intentionally send her off to be one of hundreds of wives of another man. No man would sit there and think, are you sure? But I want to be a good husband. No. And here we have Abraham, not once, but twice. Once with Pharaoh himself, And once with Abimelech, where Sarah is sent into the harem, plagues come. Entire reproductive systems of entire houses of women are shut down so that God can keep His Word. And what did Sarah do in the midst of such poor marital leadership? She submitted. Now I know it's easy to say, but consider for a moment, blessed Sarah, riding off with men from a foreign house. Imagine the fear that she felt, even as she turned to watch her husband wipe his brow. That was a close one. They didn't have buses, so Abraham just threw Sarah right under the camel, sending her off. Would she be raped? Imagine the uncertainty in her heart and mind. Would she now bear another man's child in the face of all God's promises that she would bear Abraham's seed? I know it's easy to say as a man, and as a man that's thousands of years removed and on the other side of the globe, Remember that you, even when you are submitting to your husband's poor leadership, you are submitting to the Lord of the universe who will protect you, guide you and guard you even when that guy you're married to throws you right under the bus for his own protection. That's what Abraham was out to do, was to spare his own life. He sacrificed his wife. This leads us in the text then to husbands. Wives, we made it. Now we get to the guys. Husbands, know your wives. It is your lifelong pursuit to know her mannerisms, her facial expressions, her tone of voice, her nonverbal cues, her wisdom, her true beauty. Wives, quit tapping your husbands on the shoulder, okay? Guys, listen, that is your goal. Why? Because you are called to live with her in an understanding way. And you cannot understand your wife if you do not know your wife. In other words, if you married the woman that you married simply to add to the trophy case of your life, this is the next step, this is what makes sense, this is what I need to build my kingdom. And she then just is subsumed into your ultimate will and goals and fantasies. You need to repent of that and get over that and set about knowing your wife. Knowing her. In classical education, there is what we call the trivium. Three stages of education. The first being the grammar stage. where you learn the words and the terms of a subject. Then there's the dialectic stage where you begin asking questions, sorting and comparing information and practicing the knowledge that you learned, the basic facts that you learned in the grammar stage. And then you have the rhetoric stage where you begin communicating and speaking the truth. You've integrated it in and now it comes out. And you're able to talk about it freely and converse with it. Men, where are you in knowing your wife? Where are you in the subject of that woman that you claim to love? Do you know her? Do you understand her so that you might live with her in a way that is not frustrating, that is not hurtful, that God forbid doesn't end up with her in the harem of a pagan leader, or wishing she was anywhere else but with you. Know your wife. Husbands, Honor your wives. Let me just pause here. It's interesting how biblical communication mirrors what we know of modern communication. Peter takes numerous verses to really touch on one thing. The inner beauty of the wife. And he talks all about it from different angles. And then he gets to the guys and he just starts rapid firing commands to us. Not a lot of words, very direct. I think God knows his people. Husbands, honor your wives. Husbands, live considerably with your wives, giving honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they too are also heirs of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered, the weaker vessel, the more precious vessel. We don't despise China and crystal because they break more easily. We honor them. We lock them up in a cabinet. We put them away where they're out of reach of little hands or Husbands that don't do a good job of washing them by hand. That's an illustration from your pastor's home. We treat them with honor. Not because they're indestructible, but because they are precious and they're fragile to us. We do not want to break them. I have spent nearly 20 years moving this little perfume bottle that was my wife's grandmother's around the country. I have packed it in foam, made sure it was, I knew where it was, unpack it, oh it survived the trip. Set it back up on the dresser. A few months ago, I was in our bedroom and I reached for something up on the dresser and I hit that perfume bottle. And as I watched it fall off the dresser, I saw what was left of my life flash before my eyes. And then it fell on the ground and didn't break. It just rolled. And I thought, what in the world? That thing looks so precious. I think we could play pitch and catch with it. Almost 20 years I've been moving this thing with great care. I could have been throwing it in the trunk of the car. It would have been fine. Men, do not understand the strength that God has given your wife as permission to treat her as if she is not fragile and precious to you. You see her go through childbirth, you see her go through a painful situation at work or at the school or in the co-op or in her family, and you think, I got me there a strong woman. I bet she can take whatever I give her. Wrong conclusion. You are to honor your wife. Even if she proves time and time again that you can knock her off the dresser and she's just fine, you honor your wife. You treat her as the more precious vessel, the china, the crystal of your life. She is a precious gift to you. And you ought to lay down your life for her. It's so easy, man, in our flesh to say to her, just be a Sarah. Just be that woman. Honor me. Call me Lord. Obey me. She did it even when Abram and then as Abraham sent her into the harem of a pagan leader. Brothers, shouldn't we honor her as precious so as to provoke her to love and good deeds? which for a wife would mean submitting to your loving leadership. Most anyone who goes through premarital counseling with me and one of our young, extremely good looking couples is engaged and they are now going through this horrific process of premarital counseling with me. And anyone will hear the story of a couple that One of the pastors in the church I was on staff on was performing a ceremony but because of his schedule was unable to do premarital counseling so it fell to me and so we invited them to our home and they've gotten some things out of order so they and their little one came to our house and we sit down. It's about the second or third session and we're hitting Ephesians 5 and just getting to know them a little bit I figured that the topic of submission was not going to be a really popular topic. And so I said, well, tonight we're going to talk about submission. And the quills just raised up out of her and she set her jaw. And I thought, well, this is going about as well as I expected it to. And I said, but before we talk about, do you mind if I talk to him about a couple of things? Yeah, go right ahead. Okay. So, I turn to him, and I talk about how the wife is supposed to submit to the husband as Christ submits to the church. And I said, as we know, the church, we love Christ because He first loved us, right? Yeah, yeah. And what is the greatest moment in which we see the love of Christ on display for the church? What was that pinnacle moment? in which His love was exuded in immense ways for all God's people in all times and places that are set to submit to Him. Christmas? No, not Christmas. Nice try. Let's move along. He's guessing, guessing. Finally, I said, I'll give you a hint. It involves a cross. Oh, when He died on the cross! Yeah, that's right, when he died on the cross, and he was stripped naked, and he was beaten to a bloody pulp, and then he was nailed to a cross, and lots of times in Roman crucifixion, there was an extra nail that they would just put right through his manhood, just to make the point, to remind him that he was nothing, and they were in complete control of his life. And that's what you as a husband are called to do for your wife. To completely lay down your life and to be crucified for her. Are you ready to do that? It's like, yes! I would do that for her. I will lay down my life for her. I will do whatever it takes to die for her. So I turn my gaze over to her, who's now sitting here like this. And I said, okay, now let's talk about submission. If you had a husband who would do all of that for you, she said, I'll follow him anywhere. I would do anything for him. I will submit to him. Men, just as the burden was on Christ, to love us, just as the burden was on Him to lay down His life for us. And now we, because of His work, love Him and are submissive to Him. We are called to lay down our lives, to honor our wives. Jesus didn't look at us and say, look at those vile, nasty sinners. Why would I even incarnate for them, let alone be crucified for them? But He did it. and we submit to him. And men, as we honor our wives, as we seek to know our wives and live with them in light of that knowledge, you might be surprised how easy submission becomes. Oh, she's probably submitting. But is she doing it out of a joy of serving Jesus? Or is she praying for some pagan leader to come rescue her? Another reason we do this is because we are heirs together. Men, you have a vested interest in how you lead your wife, because the consequences are eternal. We are joint heirs together with Christ, and God has given us a specific responsibility in our home to help lead our wife in that eternal inheritance. And then he reminds us to not let our prayers be hindered so that your prayers will not be hindered. Husbands, pray for your wives. Pray for your wives. Brothers, it is possible for us to be way off base in what we believe the problems are in our marriage, what issues are at stake in the lives of our wives, what they need to fix, what really needs to happen. If we are the authority, if we are the head, in one way or another, we are responsible for the spiritual state of our wives and our children. And our prayers can be hindered, not just due to the distraction when there is conflict with that one we love. But our prayers can be hindered because we're praying for the wrong things. Let us be diligent to lift our wives up in prayer, but let us be diligent to do it right. And as you know your wife, and as you honor your wife, you will find your prayers changed for your wife. It won't be so much about the dishes and the laundry. It'll be about love for Christ, joy and worship, contentment and fellowship in the church. So, friends, for husbands and wives, let us be diligent to pray for the singles among us. That if the Lord Jesus leads them toward marriage, that they would be able to magnify Christ's sacrifice in their marriage, that they would be able to die to self, that they would be able to lay down their life for the one that they love. Kids, pray for your parents. They're in this marriage, and you're the result. And it's easy to be upset with mom and dad when we're not getting our way or what we want, but you need to understand that you are living in the context of a war of eternity, where the enemy would love nothing more than to turn your mom and dad against one another and have your home fall apart And you spend the rest of your life living out of a suitcase, being shuffled back and forth between these two people who now love to hate each other. That's Satan's goal. So pray for your mom and dad. Let us pray for our siblings, for our neighbors, that their marriages would reflect Jesus Christ. that their marriages would put on display this sacrifice of Christ so that each of them would live likewise, laying down their life for the one that they love. Living out that slow death that is marriage as we learn day by day to die to ourselves and to live for Christ and to live in Christ for this one. whom God has given us in these momentary marriages in this life. Brothers and sisters, I don't have to tell you I'm preaching to the choir, so to speak. When we say how important marriage is, how important the family is, is that that nuclear core to society and to a nation. And we are reaping now a harvest that was sown 50, 75, 100 years ago in our nation. Let us be diligent to live out our faith, putting on display the sacrifice of Christ, the good news of Jesus in Christian marriage in such a way that though they hate us, though they imprison us, though they seek to destroy us, though they label heterosexual marriage a crime or a hateful thing that is deserving of destruction, we are not far from those types of realities. May we be strong in the Lord. May we love one another. And may we seek to honor Christ. in the marriages that he has given us. May he receive the glory as we die to ourselves, as we love one another in our marriages. Stand with me as we pray. Father, we put so much time and energy and effort into marriage, it's hard to imagine that it's but a moment. And yet we know that you have given us one another to help sanctify one another, to drive one another toward prayer, toward rooting out sinful habits. You have been very good to us in the giving of spouses, Lord, I would pray for those whose hearts hurt today because they desire a spouse, perhaps a spouse that they have yet to have, or perhaps a spouse who has gone on to be with you. Lord, comfort them, give them focus and wisdom and earnestness and all the things that you have called them to on this day and in the days to come. Help them to trust your hand of provision, that if it be your will, they will not miss the one. And Lord, build them up into those who are able to minister in strong ways in your kingdom because of the singular focus that they are able to have. Lord, for us who are in marriages, may we die. May we continually kill the flesh, that the spirit might live joyfully in love with our spouse, knowing them, honoring them, submitting to them. Whatever our calling is in marriage, help us to do it joyfully as unto the Lord. We pray in Christ's name. Amen. Amen. So often when we think of weddings or marriage in the RP Church, we go to 45C.