Please open your Bibles again with me to Proverbs chapter 12. And as you're turning there, I would encourage you also to pull out of your bulletin a simple outline that will help you track along with our study as we continue on in our series on marriage. Proverbs chapter 12, and before I direct your attention to a few verses here, and then we'll move to the New Testament book of Romans. I want to tell you a story I came across here in the past. It's a story about three burly fellows, just tough guys, huge, looking for trouble. And they rode their huge motorcycles one night off the highway and into the parking lot of a highway cafe late at night. And as they went in, they noticed that there was a big truck out in the parking lot, and the trucker was in there just getting a late night meal by himself. And they went in to find the trucker, and they found him to be a real small man in stature, kind of mousy actually. And he was sitting at the counter minding his own business, this trucker was, just eating his meal. And these three guys were still looking for trouble though, so they came in and they surrounded this guy, this small trucker, as he sat at the counter and they started poking at him and yelling at him. They even took his plate away from him and threw it onto the floor. And they got zero response from this trucker. Zero. As a matter of fact, the trucker got up off his stool, went over to the cashier, paid for his meal that now is on the floor, and then he left. And the three bikers were like, what a man. This guy isn't tough. He's not a man. And they even said to the waitress, they said, that guy's no man, is he? I mean, he wouldn't even fight us. And the waitress looked over at them and said, well, no, he wasn't too much of a man, I guess. And as she's looking out the window now, she says, I guess he's not that good of a truck driver either. He just ran over three motorcycles. Every once in a while, revenge is sweet, isn't it? Every once in a while. But you and I know, on a serious note, that revenge is deadly. And not to the people we're taking revenge on, but to our own hearts. Man has been warning his fellow man against the poison of revenge for centuries. As a matter of fact, the Chinese have a proverb that's ancient. It goes like this, if thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. I like that one. The Chinese also said this, he who seeks revenge digs two graves. Interesting. Francis Bacon, who lived from 1561 to 1626, had a lot to say about revenge. For example, he said this, a man who studies revenge keeps his own wounds green. Interesting. He also said this, Francis Bacon, quote, by taking revenge, a man is but even with his enemy, but in passing over it, he is superior. And one more by Francis Bacon, he said this, men must not turn into bees and kill themselves by stinging others. That's good. Even William Shakespeare said this about revenge. Can vengeance be pursued further than death? Cyrus, who lived in the first century BC, said, it is foolish to punish your neighbor by fire when you live next door. And even the Jews had a non-canonical proverb that went like this, the smallest revenge will poison the soul. They're right. It's sad, isn't it? It's sad to look around, not just in our day, but throughout the history of man. It's sad to realize that in a fallen world, listen, revenge is our default setting. You notice that? We seek revenge. We don't want to just even the score. We want to pull ahead with a big margin. It's how we're wired. You say, why is that? Well, Paul answers that question as he describes the crescendo of fallen man in Romans chapter 1. Listen. Romans 1 verse 28, and just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer, God gave them over to a depraved mind to do those things which are not proper. Listen to this, being filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil, full of envy, full of murder, and strife and deceit and malice. They are gossips, slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful, And although they know the ordinance of God that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them. I mean, in a fallen world, on our best day, with the wind to our backs as we coast downhill on a pleasant day, on our best day, we are described as wicked, greedy, evil, full of envy, murderous in our hearts, pursuers of strife, practice of deceit, arrogance, unloving and unmerciful. And that's us on our best days. The fall happened. And because the fall happened, our default setting, listen, is revenge. In every relationship we're in, revenge. No wonder Saint Augustine put it this way in a prayer. He said, quote, deliver me from this lust of always vindicating myself." End quote. I mean, since we're putting our cards on the table here, none of us like to be wronged, do we? None of us like pain. We don't like it when someone wrongs us in our investments. We don't like it when someone wrongs us in sports. We don't like it when someone wrongs us in our education, but my oh my, we don't like it when someone wrongs us in the most intimate of relationships, marriage. So I want to talk to you this morning about what your rights are, biblically, when you're wronged. Most of us here this morning would say, I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and my Lord. I understand the gospel, and I not only understand it, I embrace it, and it defines me. If you are a gospel person, what are your rights when you're wronged? And I'm not asking you just in case you happen to be wronged. Many in this room this morning are in the process right now of having been wronged or of being wronged or of wronging someone else. So we're going to have a real heart to heart this morning. But before I tell you what your rights are when you're wronged, this is technically a marriage series. It's going to be hard to restrain it just to the topic of marriage. But I do, on your notes, want to spend the first part of the marriage talking about the faces of marital wrongs. The faces of marital wrongs. I want to set the stage, and I want to go from bad to the absolute worst wrongs that can happen in any marriage. And once we set that stage, and the backdrop will be kind of dark, you're going to be relieved to see the bright light of hope that comes to you as a gospel person when you are wronged. But first of all, the faces of marital wrongs. I'm 51 years old. We're coming up on 30 years of marriage. I hope I have a lot of time and miles to go still. Kind of like marriage. Kind of like my wife because she puts up with me. I chase her around the kitchen a couple times a day and every once in a while she lets me catch her. Amen, right? That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I enjoy marriage. Love it. My best friend. But I've been married long enough, my wife's been married long enough to know what are some of the most common faces of marital wrongs. But I don't have to be married to know that. Just being 51 years old and moving in the midst of other people who are making their way through this life and through marriages. These faces of marital wrongs are extremely common. But let me just say it too, not just as someone who's married and not just as I move through our culture of other married people, but let me just say too as a pastor. When I have an opportunity to sit down with a couple and just, by God's grace, encourage them in their marriage, I see these same faces of marital wrongs surface all the time. And though all five of these are painful, and I don't want to, because of where they end up on a list, make it look like one's worse than the other or more painful, I do want to try to descend from the bad to the worst, if you will, as I go down this list. And I'm going to do this quickly, because I want to spend most of my time in the second part of this message. So what are the common faces of marital wrongs, in my humble opinion? First of all, letter A, there is absent communication. Absent communication. So what do you mean by that? Well, sometimes there's shouting, right? And sometimes they're silent. You say, what do you mean by that? Well, when I say sometimes they're shouting, I'm thinking of verses like Proverbs chapter 12, verse 18. Look at the first part of this verse. It says, there is one who speaks rashly or violently like the thrust of a sword. These aren't accidental paper cuts. These are intentional and frequent and predictable patterns of communication. They are destructive. They are loud and they kill. Sometimes marriages or a spouse can be defined with that kind of communication. Or listen to David. David in Psalm 37.4, when he's hiding in a cave from his enemies, writes these verses. And it sounds a lot like Proverbs 12.18. Listen. David says, My soul is among lions. I must lie among those who breathe forth fire. even the sons of men whose teeth are spears and arrows and their tongue is a sharp sword." And that's not just David in a cave running from his enemies. Sadly, that defines communication in many marriages from one or both spouses. Sometimes there's shouting, but then there's sometimes there's silence. Sometimes there's silence. Now your Bible is open to Proverbs 12. Look at verse 25. Anxiety in a man's heart weighs it down. But I love the second part of this verse. A good word makes it glad. Every once in a while, someone can say just the right word. They know when to be quiet and they know when to speak and what to say. And it brings healing. I love that. A good word can make someone's heart glad. Or Proverbs 15.4 says a wholesome tongue is a tree of life because of what fruit it bears. And the problem is, in many marriages, The husband and the wife have been told, either before they got married or once they've been married, or they've read maybe some good marriage books, or maybe even in just reading their Bible, they realize that the communication that can, and I would argue must, be the goal of every couple, is a communication within marriage that gives life. There's not shouting. There's not violent speech. There's not gotcha kind of talk. But neither is there silence and the silent treatment and the manipulation of moments. There's a gracious speech towards each other. It's not only a real possibility, it's mandated, as we saw in Ephesians 4 when we studied communication in marriage. The problem is, in many marriages, there's absent communication from one spouse or both spouses. And we would consider that a very common wrong of marriage. One of the faces. But there's a second one I want to direct your attention to. Letter B, broken promises. This is another face, a very common face of marital wrongs. Broken promises. So what do you mean? What are you talking about broken promises? Well, at some point you guys dated, At some point you've had those great talks before you got married or early in your marriage where you shared your dreams with each other, dreams of what you wanted to be and do for each other, dreams of what you wanted to do and be together as a couple as you pushed out into life and into adulthood and into the marriage community. You shared your dreams, you dared to dream with each other, but here you are deep into marriage and those dreams have been gone now. No one's even talking about those anymore. And what you heard as a promise from your spouse or your spouse-to-be is now a distant memory with cobwebs. Those are the broken dreams I'm talking about. I'm also talking about broken promises about goals that you may have set, not only for your marriage but perhaps your parenting. I'm talking about broken promises about decisions that you actually did make together. financially, or about a calendar issue, a calendar year. You've had these discussions, you made the decisions, and then you break your promises. But maybe I'm just taking the macro view here. I'm just talking about the big picture promises that are broken or absent. But you know what? In many marriages, it's not just the big picture promises that are broken, but it's lunch on Thursday. One or both spouses within a marriage sometimes can get into a pattern where they might be sitting in Monday, make a promise about Thursday, and completely forget it. And that becomes their pattern. That's why I call this one of the faces, the common faces of marital wrongs, broken promises. I mean, we'll let someone once or occasionally have to change their plans or forget something, but when it becomes a pattern, we start setting up our defenses and say, I'm married to someone who doesn't keep their word. And that's a face of marital wrongs. Proverbs 25 19 says this, confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth and a foot out of joint. Proverbs 20 verse 6 says this, every man or every person declares their own trustworthiness, but who can find a faithful man, a faithful person? It's one thing to say it, it's another thing to deliver. Well, there's a third face of marital wrongs, and as you can tell, we're descending here. Not that the first face was pleasant, it wasn't, but we're continuing to descend. It's getting a little darker and a little colder. The third face of marital wrongs is what I call missing roles. I'm not talking about from the dinner table this afternoon, though that is a significant issue, too. I'm talking about R-O-L-E-S. We've spent several Sundays this fall talking about your role in marriage as a husband and as a wife. And scripture has been very clear. You remember our main blueprint has been Genesis 2 verse 24. where we read, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh. And in this one flesh unit, God has created order. Just like he creates order and structure in the rest of his creation, and in the other two institutions of the church and government, he does so with equals within a marriage. Now I'm not going to preach those sermons over again, but I think I can summarize both roles with two words each, just referring back. For the husband, it's God's will for you to be the loving leader. And you are to be the loving leader spiritually, physically, socially, emotionally, all the way around. Two words for the man, loving leader. Two words for the wife, according to the blueprint, a willing completer. Bring in all your God-given strength and giftedness to complete the picture in the home. And you are to be the willing completer, spiritually, physically, socially, emotionally, all the way around. And if you want to listen to those again, those are all posted online. But what's sad is, in churches like ours, and in marriages like ours, we hear this. How many times have you heard sermons on the roles of marriage from different pastors here? You hear that, and you know your spouse is hearing the same sermons, but then you go home and no one's living it out. No one's desperately reaching for God's grace to do what otherwise they couldn't do in their own strength. There's not a brokenness over their failure as a spouse, according to the biblical standard, and a crying out for mercy. It's just, go home and it's the same as it was before the sermon. And so we hear how beautiful the completed picture can be according to Scripture, but then we go home and these roles are missing. And there's a frustration and a disappointment. Okay, I'm off the notes here. I'm super disappointed right now about the pocket knife I have in my pocket right now. Julie, you tell Marcus I talked about pocket knives this morning. If you have a collection of anything, coins, stamps, whatever, every once in a while you gather up some and you sell them off so that you can do different things with your collections. I did that this fall. I sold off a bunch of knives, really simplified it even more, and I studied one small knife by a particular company that has a great reputation. I'm like, I don't own a knife by that company. I want to get one, and I want to get a small one that I can use with my dress pants. And so I studied the company. I watched video reviews of this particular knife. I compared, shopped. I even touched it as I visited a knife store. I said, yeah, I'm going to put the money out for that. I studied it so hard because for a small knife, I thought it had a hefty price tag. I really wanted to make sure it was everything. Well, I fell in love with that knife. I mean, not in a weird way. But I was studying the thing. I was like, it's a great fit and finish. It's going to be sharp. It'll be something great to pass on to the kids and grandkids someday. And I'm going to do it. And so I bought it. I actually went to the store in Kentucky on a trip recently, and I bought it. And I couldn't have been happier. And I kept pulling that thing out of my pocket over Thanksgiving vacation. I was playing with it constantly. Put it back in the pocket. Very satisfied with that. I was like, good move here. Until I had it for about a week. And after a week, I noticed that it's only two blades on this pocket knife. They're rubbing against each other. And you expect that maybe with a $10 knife, but not with a $50 knife. You expect the engineering to be such that the blades never touch each other no matter how tight it is. And you say, that's dumb. That's a little OCD, isn't it, Jim? And I'm like, probably. But at that price point, I don't want the blades touching each other. And so I went back and I read some more reviews on the knife that I now own. And if I would have read even more, I would have realized that this is a problem with this model. I kept the knife because it's too marked up now. But it's one thing for me to watch all these reviews and then be studying this thing through catalogs and through online. And it's another thing to actually get it and then I have it in my hands and as time passes, it's not what was described. And I'm frustrated now and I'm stuck with it. You know, it's one thing for us as couples to come to churches like ours, and marriages like ours, and hear a Scripture describe what the beauty of marriage can be because of the Gospel. And then we go home and we look at our marriage, and in the passing of time, well, we just feel kind of stuck. That's a face of marital wrongs. Missing roles. There's a fourth one. fourth face of marital wrongs. I call it questionable safety. We're going down deeper now. See, what do you mean by questionable safety? I mean this. It's whether it's because of a short fuse or a long addiction. Whatever reason, sleep is light, nerves are shot, Bruises may be present, but fear is constant. And suddenly the place that's supposed to be the safest place for you, and I'm not just talking about the wife, I'm talking about the husband too. Place, your home that's supposed to be the safest place for you is the place where you feel incarcerated. It's like David, King David, before he was a king, whenever he was around Saul, and whenever Saul was around a spear, That's how you feel in your home. 1 Samuel 18, it happened on the next day that the distressing spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied inside the house. So David played music with his hand, and as at other times, but there was a spear in Saul's hand this time, and Saul cast the spear, for he said, I will pin David to the wall. And David escaped his presence, not once, twice, when a spear was coming in his direction. I would say there is questionable safety in the presence of King Saul. And sadly, in homes like ours, in churches like ours, sometimes home cannot be a safe place. That's a questionable safety. That's a face of marital wrongs. Let me just say this. I said this in a previous message too. By the way, wives or husbands, if you are in physical danger in your home, you're allowed to run away from spears. David had a God-appointed authority in his life, King Saul, but still David was allowed to dodge spears. And if you're physically facing trouble in your home, you have two institutions that stand ready to help you, keep you safe. One is your church, and the other is the government, the police. And we work hand-in-hand with them in situations like this. But right now, I'm just discussing This face of marital wrongs, questionable safety. But there's one more. And as you know, you can probably guess what this one is. If we're descending down to the darkest, here it is. Letter E is shattered vows. Shattered vows. I'm talking about the ultimate breach of trust in a marriage and the road leading to it. Your Bible is still open to Proverbs. We'll get to Romans in a moment, but look at Proverbs chapter 6. Proverbs chapter 6. Verses 32 and 33. The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense. He who would destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out. You say, that's a verse for men. That's warning men. You know what the author of Proverbs is doing? It's taking the sin, it's taking the sin of immorality and personifying it. This is a warning to men and women. It's a warning that if you want to destroy yourself and your marriage, if you will, if you want wounds and disgrace and reproach that will not be blotted out, continue down this road. You know, verse 33, wounds and disgrace you'll find as reproach will not be blotted out. You say, can there be forgiveness? Oh, yes. Yes, most definitely. There could be rescues of marriages. We've seen more rescues than carnage, personally. In marriages we've had the joy of working with. But I'll just tell you this, the truth that verse 33 is saying to you is this, wounds heal, but scars remain. Wounds heal, but scars remain. You say, is there a road back? Yes! If we give any other answer, we don't understand the forgiveness and grace available in Christ. Of course, a marriage can be healed and restored even after all these faces of marital wrongs, including letter E. Those marriages can be rescued so that they put the glory of God on display in that marriage. But what I'm telling you right now is I just want you to feel the weight of these five faces of marital wrongs that are common. Oh, they're common. Absent communication. broken promises, missing roles, questionable safety, and shattered vows. Can I stir the pot a little bit more, as if it needs it? This is sometimes with a saved spouse, sometimes with an unsaved spouse. And let me stir it one more time. These faces of marital wrongs can be either, hang on to this, real, they actually happened or are happening, or only perceived. They haven't happened and are not happening, but you are acting as if they are. These are the faces of marital wrongs. Maybe you're here and you're saying, in your own heart, I know these faces all too well. I put on a facade at church or around other people, but I know several of these faces all too well. Please tell me, where do I turn? It's a good question, and there's a great answer. You want to know where to turn in your marriages? When you face wrongs like this, you turn to Romans 12. And I'd like for you to turn in your Bibles to Romans 12 for the last part of our study. Romans 12. And I want to talk to you in the last few minutes about your rights in marital wrongs. Your rights in marital wrongs. You're like, yeah, I have my rights. When I get wronged, I have my rights in my marriage. I have a right to talk back. I have a right to swing back. And one guy said to me, in another ministry, in another chapter of my life, when his wife had strayed and came back, he actually was tempted with, now I get to get mine, right? And he said that to me. I have my rights if my spouse is wronging me, either real or perceived. I can talk back, I can swing back, I can give back, until it's all even, or better yet, I win. Well, brothers and sisters in Christ, you do have rights when you're wronged, but it's none of the above. God doesn't prescribe for you to swing back, talk back, and give back. Paul lays out your rights here in Romans chapter 12, verses 14 through 21. In one paragraph, he gives to a group of believers Believers who are wronging each other, help. And not only help for their church between Jewish Christians and Gentile Christians, but help for every relationship, especially your marriages and the relationships within the church. You have your rights. And Paul's speaking to both parties as he gives this paragraph. I want you to write these rights down. I want you to memorize them as a family. How about if we teach our kids young how to respond when we're wronged? The first right you have when you're wronged is simply this, be quick to bless. Be quick to bless. Look at verses 14 and 15. Look at this. Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. He's not just saying rejoice with those who rejoice and weep, but those who weep who agree with you. Pursue people that would normally be your foe in the moment, even a spouse, even another Christian. And you pull up your life close to theirs, even if they're not returning the favor. And you bless them. You don't return fire and curse them. Be quick to bless. What does it mean to bless someone? You're like, yeah, I want to give someone a good blessing out. What does it mean to bless someone? It means simply to speak well of or to a wronger. Someone who has wronged you or is wronging you in the moment. You bless them. You bless them. You speak well of them to other people, even when they're not around. or to them in the moment. Isn't it amazing how clear our Lord taught on this in the Sermon on the Mount? Just write it down. Matthew 5, 44-48. He says, The Lord, your heavenly Father, causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For this sake, Verse 44, he says, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? You are to be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect. Be quick to bless. That's where you get your traction in a wrong. I'm going to guard my mouth. And if you're going to guard your mouth, it means you have to guard your heart. And where there's going to be natural, a default setting to want to fight from the heart level, and it comes out in your nouns and verbs, you must change your heart with God's Word in those moments. Be quick to bless. But there's another right you have when you're wronged. It's letter B. Be aware of pride. Be aware of pride. Now look at verse 16. Look at the humility verse 16 calls you to. He's talking to both parties. Not just to one party. Talking to both parties in this paragraph. Be of the same mind toward one another. Wow. Do not be haughty or proud in your mind, but associate with the lowly. If that weren't enough, there's another line coming. Do not be wise in your own estimation. You have three clarion calls in one verse to your humility when you're wronged. Say, wow, I'm the one being wronged. How come I'm the one that has to sit down? Because when you and I are wronged, it's not a matter of if our pride will show itself, right? It's a matter of where will it show itself as I'm being wronged. Remember Chuck E. Cheese? Besides bad pizza, you had a lot of arcade games there, right? And one of them was you have a sledgehammer and nine holes where a gopher sticks his head out of the hole. And you put your eight tokens into that machine. And then you grab your hammer. Why are you breaking out in a sweat dial? Because you know it's not if the gopher is going to show his head and I have to hit it, it's where is he going to show up next? He's coming. You know, it's the same when you and I are wronged in our marriage or in any relationship. Our pride will surface. Not if, but where. And it's fascinating that the Holy Spirit through the pen of Paul says, you know what your right is when you're wronged? Even in marriage, be aware of your pride. We're just like this. Our tendency, my tendency, is to look down at my wrongers, because they don't have it together like me. That's pride. That's pride. You know, C.S. Lewis, in his book, The Screwtape Letters, he even contended that we can be proud of our humility. He said this, quote, pride is a telescope turned the wrong way. It magnifies self and makes the heavens small. If we don't deal with our pride, as soon as we're wronged, it will poison the rest of the process. Be aware of pride. If we say we're really concerned with the one who's wronging us, then we'll always remember Galatians 6.1, that if anyone's caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. And I love this phrase, each one looking to himself so that you too will not be tempted. Well, there's a third right when you're wronged. Letter C, be focused on peace. Be focused on peace. Let's continue reading in chapter 12, verse 17 and 18. Paul says, never pay back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the sight of all men, and if possible, so far as it depends on, what's your Bible say there? It depends on who? On you. Be at peace with all men. Understand this. When Paul is saying be focused on peace when you're wrong, this is not a call to being a doormat. Being a doormat is passive. Being a peacemaker is active. Someone who gets in a dust up in their marriage or in another relationship must pause and ask some hard questions. Questions like this, have I swung back yet? If so, then I'm the most recent offender and I need to ask forgiveness. Another question is, how's my example? Am I respecting what is good in the sight of all men right now? Verse 17. If not, I need to stop and repent. And in this dust up I'm in right now, here's another question, where can I be part of the solution here right now? Instead of burying my spouse or burying this other person, I'm going to step back, step outside, by God's grace take an objective look and say, what does this person, me, need to do to make this thing turn a corner in grace? Be focused on peace. It's interesting, again, here we go back to the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 5, 9. Blessed are the peacemakers, why? For they shall be called sons of God. You never look more like your Heavenly Father than when you are an active, gracious maker of peace. There's a fourth right you have when you're wrong. Be confident in God. Be confident in God. Let's continue reading verses 19 and 20. It doesn't get any clearer than this. Look at this. Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the wrath of God, for it's written, vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord. As for your part, verse 20, if your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a drink. for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." What's God saying in verse 19 and 20? What do you mean be confident in God? God's saying to you in your marriage this, you do your part in love and I'll do my part if needed. Trust me. God's saying just trust me on that one. But what is a promise to you that should be giving you hope in your marriage is also a warning to you if you don't listen. You say, what do you mean by that? Well, look at the three rights we've already looked at. We're supposed to bless, but if you say, no, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to curse. I'm going to give it back to them. And instead of being focused on peace, we say, I'm going to keep war footing here as I give it back to them. And instead of being aware of pride, we're going to defend our rights. Okay, if we're going to go the opposite direction of these first three rights, God says to you, you better watch yourself. You're trying to take my position. I will repay, says the Lord. You don't return evil for evil. We have handicapped parking spots out in the parking lots here. And what does that blue sign mean? It means if you park your car here without the right sticker, you're in trouble. And it's not just with the police, but with Fred. You don't want none of Fred. No, those blue signs say you don't belong in this parking spot. And if you stay here, there's going to be consequences. What God's saying here in verse 19 and 20 is there's a parking spot reserved for God. It's called revenge. And you are never, you are never, there's never an exception to this in your relationships to park in his spot. God says, you do your part. I'll do my part. You know what Psalm, the Psalm writer says in Psalm 94 one, Oh Lord, God of vengeance, God of vengeance shine forth. This is where David had two opportunities to pierce and kill King Saul. And he didn't take either one. You know, in your marriage, it's hard to be confident in God sometimes. Because you don't see and trace His hand moving fast enough, if at all. But God continues to say to you, trust Me. And by the way, did you see this in verse 19? Leave room for the wrath of God. I hope that phrase arrests your attention. Because when we read about the wrath of God in the Old Testament and the New Testament, it's never a good thing. I mean, nations and islands burn, and pillars of smoke ascend to heaven when we talk about the wrath of God in both Testaments. It kind of causes you to pause a little bit. As ticked off as you may be at someone, a spouse, someone else in the church, another employer, as ticked off as you may be, you still don't want the wrath of God to visit them, do you? That very possibility should temper you. There's one more right you have when you're wrong. And here it is. It's the last verse of this chapter. Here it is. Be victorious at last. Be victorious at last. Look at verse 21. Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. Those of you with military or first responder experience, this word overcome, this is a conflict word. This is a war word. As a matter of fact, J. Adams in his little book on this passage says this, the word overcome is a war word. It comes right off the battlefield with the smell of smoke and sweat still clinging to it. The term is used to describe a defeat. To be overcome is to be defeated. To overcome, on the other hand, is to defeat. Do not be overcome by evil coming at you from someone else, but overcome evil with good. You see, brothers and sisters, when it comes to your rights when you are wronged in marriage or any relationship, victory, the win, does not come by getting in the last word. You still lose. Victory doesn't come by getting in the hardest hit. You still lose. Victory doesn't come by merely circling the wagons and protecting your reputation. You still lose. Victory doesn't come by getting your own way. Even if you get it, you still lose. Victory doesn't come by making sure that your needs are the ones that are front and center. If that's the case, even if they're met, you still lose. What is victory? Victory is one word. Obedience. Grace-driven, God-affectioned obedience. If you look at Sandy Ellis's Bible, and you get past Revelation, you keep going past the Concordance, past the maps, there's more to her Bible. It's called The Pursuit of Holiness by Jerry Bridges, right? She really loves Jerry Bridges. I'm just teasing. She doesn't hold it up with Equalist Scripture, but she has been profoundly influenced by that book, Pursuit of Holiness. by Jerry Bridges. Jerry Bridges makes this statement in that book that I absolutely love. He says, God wants us to walk in obedience. Obedience is oriented toward God. Victory is oriented toward us. This is not to say God doesn't want us to experience victory, but rather to emphasize that victory is a byproduct of obedience. And he is right. Can you be victorious even if, listen, even if your spouse continues to wrong you? And the answer is yes. I could give you a personal testimony of my own family, mom and dad, and how there were times that mom wanted to be extremely discouraged. And Marcella Rhodes, the pastor's wife from Calvary Baptist Church in Roseville, kept my mom personally in the game, counseled her, brought her to small Bible studies, and kept her in the game. And my mom won. She won. With grace. What are your rights when you're wronged? You have a right to be quick to bless, be aware of pride. You have a right to be focused on peace, to be confident in God, and to be victorious at last. Those are your rights when you're wronged in your marriage, no matter where you are in your marriage, on your journey. And these are your rights for any relationship, as Paul's demonstrating as he writes to two different parties of Christians. These are our rights when we are wrong. You say, Who says I can even do this? I mean, this list is creating almost a wall, not hope. It's, I can't do this. I can't respond with blessing and humility and peacemaking and patience with God and hope to win. I can't do that in my own strength. What's the answer to that? You're absolutely right. But someone else has already done it perfectly. Can you think of anyone who is quick to bless? Can you think of anyone that put on a higher demonstration of humility in the face of opposition? Can you think of anyone in particular who was focused on making peace, who was confident in his heavenly Father, and who won? Jesus Christ. And I want to close by taking you over to 1 Peter. Let's change authors, change books, and I want you to see how perfectly Jesus lived out what Paul prescribes, and you got credit for it as a Christian. 1 Peter 2, verse 20, and then we're finished. In the middle of verse 20, well, let's go to the beginning of verse 20. What credit is there if when you sin and are harshly treated, you endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right and suffer for it, you patiently endure it, this finds favor with God, For you have been called for this purpose since Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow in his steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found in his mouth. And while being reviled, he did not revile in return. While suffering, he uttered no threats, but he kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously. And he himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and live to righteousness, for by his wounds you were healed. Let me introduce you to Jesus Christ, the one who was the ultimate, full, eternal example of what it means to exercise these rights when you're wronged. And you get credit for it, as messed up as your record is. But not only do you get credit for it, He's died for your failings. And the one who saved you from your failings and the one who credited his perfection in this area to you also says to you, I give you my spirit. I envelop you with my grace. Now you can respond this way when you're wronged, even in your closest relationships of marriage. Who says you can do this? The only one who can.