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Please open your Bibles again
with me to Proverbs chapter 12. And as you're turning there,
I would encourage you also to pull out of your bulletin a simple
outline that will help you track along with our study as we continue
on in our series on marriage. Proverbs chapter 12, and before
I direct your attention to a few verses here, and then we'll move
to the New Testament book of Romans. I want to tell you a
story I came across here in the past. It's a story about three
burly fellows, just tough guys, huge, looking for trouble. And they rode their huge motorcycles
one night off the highway and into the parking lot of a highway
cafe late at night. And as they went in, they noticed
that there was a big truck out in the parking lot, and the trucker
was in there just getting a late night meal by himself. And they
went in to find the trucker, and they found him to be a real
small man in stature, kind of mousy actually. And he was sitting
at the counter minding his own business, this trucker was, just
eating his meal. And these three guys were still
looking for trouble though, so they came in and they surrounded
this guy, this small trucker, as he sat at the counter and
they started poking at him and yelling at him. They even took
his plate away from him and threw it onto the floor. And they got
zero response from this trucker. Zero. As a matter of fact, the
trucker got up off his stool, went over to the cashier, paid
for his meal that now is on the floor, and then he left. And
the three bikers were like, what a man. This guy isn't tough. He's not a man. And they even
said to the waitress, they said, that guy's no man, is he? I mean,
he wouldn't even fight us. And the waitress looked over
at them and said, well, no, he wasn't too much of a man, I guess.
And as she's looking out the window now, she says, I guess
he's not that good of a truck driver either. He just ran over
three motorcycles. Every once in a while, revenge
is sweet, isn't it? Every once in a while. But you
and I know, on a serious note, that revenge is deadly. And not to the people we're taking
revenge on, but to our own hearts. Man has been warning his fellow
man against the poison of revenge for centuries. As a matter of
fact, the Chinese have a proverb that's ancient. It goes like
this, if thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum. I like that one. The Chinese
also said this, he who seeks revenge digs two graves. Interesting. Francis Bacon, who
lived from 1561 to 1626, had a lot to say about revenge. For
example, he said this, a man who studies revenge keeps his
own wounds green. Interesting. He also said this,
Francis Bacon, quote, by taking revenge, a man is but even with
his enemy, but in passing over it, he is superior. And one more
by Francis Bacon, he said this, men must not turn into bees and
kill themselves by stinging others. That's good. Even William Shakespeare
said this about revenge. Can vengeance be pursued further
than death? Cyrus, who lived in the first
century BC, said, it is foolish to punish your neighbor by fire
when you live next door. And even the Jews had a non-canonical
proverb that went like this, the smallest revenge will poison
the soul. They're right. It's sad, isn't
it? It's sad to look around, not
just in our day, but throughout the history of man. It's sad
to realize that in a fallen world, listen, revenge is our default
setting. You notice that? We seek revenge. We don't want to just even the
score. We want to pull ahead with a big margin. It's how we're
wired. You say, why is that? Well, Paul
answers that question as he describes the crescendo of fallen man in
Romans chapter 1. Listen. Romans 1 verse 28, and
just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God any longer,
God gave them over to a depraved mind to do those things which
are not proper. Listen to this, being filled
with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil, full of envy, full
of murder, and strife and deceit and malice. They are gossips,
slanderers, haters of God, insolent, arrogant, boastful, inventors
of evil things, disobedient to parents, without understanding,
untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful, And although they know the ordinance
of God that those who practice such things are worthy of death,
they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to
those who practice them. I mean, in a fallen world, on
our best day, with the wind to our backs as we coast downhill
on a pleasant day, on our best day, we are described as wicked,
greedy, evil, full of envy, murderous in our hearts, pursuers of strife,
practice of deceit, arrogance, unloving and unmerciful. And
that's us on our best days. The fall happened. And because
the fall happened, our default setting, listen, is revenge. In every relationship we're in,
revenge. No wonder Saint Augustine put
it this way in a prayer. He said, quote, deliver me from
this lust of always vindicating myself." End quote. I mean, since we're putting our
cards on the table here, none of us like to be wronged, do
we? None of us like pain. We don't
like it when someone wrongs us in our investments. We don't like it when someone
wrongs us in sports. We don't like it when someone
wrongs us in our education, but my oh my, we don't like it when
someone wrongs us in the most intimate of relationships, marriage. So I want to talk to you this
morning about what your rights are, biblically, when you're
wronged. Most of us here this morning
would say, I have accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior and my Lord. I understand the gospel, and
I not only understand it, I embrace it, and it defines me. If you are a gospel person, what
are your rights when you're wronged? And I'm not asking you just in
case you happen to be wronged. Many in this room this morning
are in the process right now of having been wronged or of
being wronged or of wronging someone else. So we're going
to have a real heart to heart this morning. But before I tell
you what your rights are when you're wronged, this is technically
a marriage series. It's going to be hard to restrain
it just to the topic of marriage. But I do, on your notes, want
to spend the first part of the marriage talking about the faces
of marital wrongs. The faces of marital wrongs.
I want to set the stage, and I want to go from bad to the
absolute worst wrongs that can happen in any marriage. And once
we set that stage, and the backdrop will be kind of dark, you're
going to be relieved to see the bright light of hope that comes
to you as a gospel person when you are wronged. But first of
all, the faces of marital wrongs. I'm 51 years old. We're coming
up on 30 years of marriage. I hope I have a lot of time and
miles to go still. Kind of like marriage. Kind of
like my wife because she puts up with me. I chase her around
the kitchen a couple times a day and every once in a while she
lets me catch her. Amen, right? That's what I'm saying. That's
what I'm saying. I enjoy marriage. Love it. My best friend. But
I've been married long enough, my wife's been married long enough
to know what are some of the most common faces of marital
wrongs. But I don't have to be married
to know that. Just being 51 years old and moving in the midst of
other people who are making their way through this life and through
marriages. These faces of marital wrongs are extremely common. But let me just say it too, not
just as someone who's married and not just as I move through
our culture of other married people, but let me just say too
as a pastor. When I have an opportunity to
sit down with a couple and just, by God's grace, encourage them
in their marriage, I see these same faces of marital wrongs
surface all the time. And though all five of these
are painful, and I don't want to, because of where they end
up on a list, make it look like one's worse than the other or
more painful, I do want to try to descend from the bad to the
worst, if you will, as I go down this list. And I'm going to do
this quickly, because I want to spend most of my time in the
second part of this message. So what are the common faces
of marital wrongs, in my humble opinion? First of all, letter
A, there is absent communication. Absent communication. So what
do you mean by that? Well, sometimes there's shouting,
right? And sometimes they're silent. You say, what do you
mean by that? Well, when I say sometimes they're shouting, I'm
thinking of verses like Proverbs chapter 12, verse 18. Look at
the first part of this verse. It says, there is one who speaks
rashly or violently like the thrust of a sword. These aren't
accidental paper cuts. These are intentional and frequent
and predictable patterns of communication. They are destructive. They are
loud and they kill. Sometimes marriages or a spouse
can be defined with that kind of communication. Or listen to
David. David in Psalm 37.4, when he's
hiding in a cave from his enemies, writes these verses. And it sounds
a lot like Proverbs 12.18. Listen. David says, My soul is
among lions. I must lie among those who breathe
forth fire. even the sons of men whose teeth
are spears and arrows and their tongue is a sharp sword." And
that's not just David in a cave running from his enemies. Sadly,
that defines communication in many marriages from one or both
spouses. Sometimes there's shouting, but
then there's sometimes there's silence. Sometimes there's silence.
Now your Bible is open to Proverbs 12. Look at verse 25. Anxiety
in a man's heart weighs it down. But I love the second part of
this verse. A good word makes it glad. Every once in a while,
someone can say just the right word. They know when to be quiet
and they know when to speak and what to say. And it brings healing. I love that. A good word can
make someone's heart glad. Or Proverbs 15.4 says a wholesome
tongue is a tree of life because of what fruit it bears. And the problem is, in many marriages,
The husband and the wife have been told, either before they
got married or once they've been married, or they've read maybe
some good marriage books, or maybe even in just reading their
Bible, they realize that the communication that can, and I
would argue must, be the goal of every couple, is a communication
within marriage that gives life. There's not shouting. There's
not violent speech. There's not gotcha kind of talk.
But neither is there silence and the silent treatment and
the manipulation of moments. There's a gracious speech towards
each other. It's not only a real possibility,
it's mandated, as we saw in Ephesians 4 when we studied communication
in marriage. The problem is, in many marriages,
there's absent communication from one spouse or both spouses. And we would consider that a
very common wrong of marriage. One of the faces. But there's
a second one I want to direct your attention to. Letter B,
broken promises. This is another face, a very
common face of marital wrongs. Broken promises. So what do you
mean? What are you talking about broken
promises? Well, at some point you guys
dated, At some point you've had those great talks before you
got married or early in your marriage where you shared your
dreams with each other, dreams of what you wanted to be and
do for each other, dreams of what you wanted to do and be
together as a couple as you pushed out into life and into adulthood
and into the marriage community. You shared your dreams, you dared
to dream with each other, but here you are deep into marriage
and those dreams have been gone now. No one's even talking about
those anymore. And what you heard as a promise
from your spouse or your spouse-to-be is now a distant memory with
cobwebs. Those are the broken dreams I'm
talking about. I'm also talking about broken promises about goals
that you may have set, not only for your marriage but perhaps
your parenting. I'm talking about broken promises about decisions
that you actually did make together. financially, or about a calendar
issue, a calendar year. You've had these discussions,
you made the decisions, and then you break your promises. But
maybe I'm just taking the macro view here. I'm just talking about
the big picture promises that are broken or absent. But you
know what? In many marriages, it's not just
the big picture promises that are broken, but it's lunch on
Thursday. One or both spouses within a
marriage sometimes can get into a pattern where they might be
sitting in Monday, make a promise about Thursday, and completely
forget it. And that becomes their pattern. That's why I call this
one of the faces, the common faces of marital wrongs, broken
promises. I mean, we'll let someone once
or occasionally have to change their plans or forget something,
but when it becomes a pattern, we start setting up our defenses
and say, I'm married to someone who doesn't keep their word.
And that's a face of marital wrongs. Proverbs 25 19 says this,
confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a
bad tooth and a foot out of joint. Proverbs 20 verse 6 says this,
every man or every person declares their own trustworthiness, but
who can find a faithful man, a faithful person? It's one thing
to say it, it's another thing to deliver. Well, there's a third
face of marital wrongs, and as you can tell, we're descending
here. Not that the first face was pleasant, it wasn't, but
we're continuing to descend. It's getting a little darker
and a little colder. The third face of marital wrongs is what
I call missing roles. I'm not talking about from the
dinner table this afternoon, though that is a significant
issue, too. I'm talking about R-O-L-E-S.
We've spent several Sundays this fall talking about your role
in marriage as a husband and as a wife. And scripture has
been very clear. You remember our main blueprint
has been Genesis 2 verse 24. where we read, therefore a man
shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and
they shall become one flesh. And in this one flesh unit, God
has created order. Just like he creates order and
structure in the rest of his creation, and in the other two
institutions of the church and government, he does so with equals
within a marriage. Now I'm not going to preach those
sermons over again, but I think I can summarize both roles with
two words each, just referring back. For the husband, it's God's
will for you to be the loving leader. And you are to be the
loving leader spiritually, physically, socially, emotionally, all the
way around. Two words for the man, loving
leader. Two words for the wife, according to the blueprint, a
willing completer. Bring in all your God-given strength
and giftedness to complete the picture in the home. And you are to be the willing
completer, spiritually, physically, socially, emotionally, all the
way around. And if you want to listen to those again, those
are all posted online. But what's sad is, in churches
like ours, and in marriages like ours, we hear this. How many
times have you heard sermons on the roles of marriage from
different pastors here? You hear that, and you know your
spouse is hearing the same sermons, but then you go home and no one's
living it out. No one's desperately reaching for God's grace to do
what otherwise they couldn't do in their own strength. There's
not a brokenness over their failure as a spouse, according to the
biblical standard, and a crying out for mercy. It's just, go
home and it's the same as it was before the sermon. And so
we hear how beautiful the completed picture can be according to Scripture,
but then we go home and these roles are missing. And there's
a frustration and a disappointment. Okay, I'm off the notes here.
I'm super disappointed right now about the pocket knife I
have in my pocket right now. Julie, you tell Marcus I talked
about pocket knives this morning. If you have a collection of anything,
coins, stamps, whatever, every once in a while you gather up
some and you sell them off so that you can do different things
with your collections. I did that this fall. I sold off a
bunch of knives, really simplified it even more, and I studied one
small knife by a particular company that has a great reputation.
I'm like, I don't own a knife by that company. I want to get
one, and I want to get a small one that I can use with my dress
pants. And so I studied the company. I watched video reviews of this
particular knife. I compared, shopped. I even touched
it as I visited a knife store. I said, yeah, I'm going to put
the money out for that. I studied it so hard because
for a small knife, I thought it had a hefty price tag. I really
wanted to make sure it was everything. Well, I fell in love with that
knife. I mean, not in a weird way. But I was studying the thing. I was like, it's a great fit
and finish. It's going to be sharp. It'll be something great
to pass on to the kids and grandkids someday. And I'm going to do
it. And so I bought it. I actually
went to the store in Kentucky on a trip recently, and I bought
it. And I couldn't have been happier. And I kept pulling that
thing out of my pocket over Thanksgiving vacation. I was playing with
it constantly. Put it back in the pocket. Very satisfied with
that. I was like, good move here. Until
I had it for about a week. And after a week, I noticed that
it's only two blades on this pocket knife. They're rubbing
against each other. And you expect that maybe with a $10 knife,
but not with a $50 knife. You expect the engineering to
be such that the blades never touch each other no matter how
tight it is. And you say, that's dumb. That's a little OCD, isn't
it, Jim? And I'm like, probably. But at
that price point, I don't want the blades touching each other.
And so I went back and I read some more reviews on the knife
that I now own. And if I would have read even more, I would
have realized that this is a problem with this model. I kept the knife
because it's too marked up now. But it's one thing for me to
watch all these reviews and then be studying this thing through
catalogs and through online. And it's another thing to actually
get it and then I have it in my hands and as time passes,
it's not what was described. And I'm frustrated now and I'm
stuck with it. You know, it's one thing for us as couples to
come to churches like ours, and marriages like ours, and hear
a Scripture describe what the beauty of marriage can be because
of the Gospel. And then we go home and we look
at our marriage, and in the passing of time, well, we just feel kind
of stuck. That's a face of marital wrongs. Missing roles. There's a fourth
one. fourth face of marital wrongs.
I call it questionable safety. We're going down deeper now.
See, what do you mean by questionable safety? I mean this. It's whether
it's because of a short fuse or a long addiction. Whatever
reason, sleep is light, nerves are shot, Bruises may be present,
but fear is constant. And suddenly the place that's
supposed to be the safest place for you, and I'm not just talking
about the wife, I'm talking about the husband too. Place, your home that's supposed to
be the safest place for you is the place where you feel incarcerated. It's like David, King David,
before he was a king, whenever he was around Saul, and whenever
Saul was around a spear, That's how you feel in your home. 1
Samuel 18, it happened on the next day that the distressing
spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied inside the
house. So David played music with his hand, and as at other
times, but there was a spear in Saul's hand this time, and
Saul cast the spear, for he said, I will pin David to the wall.
And David escaped his presence, not once, twice, when a spear
was coming in his direction. I would say there is questionable
safety in the presence of King Saul. And sadly, in homes like
ours, in churches like ours, sometimes home cannot be a safe
place. That's a questionable safety.
That's a face of marital wrongs. Let me just say this. I said
this in a previous message too. By the way, wives or husbands,
if you are in physical danger in your home, you're allowed
to run away from spears. David had a God-appointed authority
in his life, King Saul, but still David was allowed to dodge spears.
And if you're physically facing trouble in your home, you have
two institutions that stand ready to help you, keep you safe. One is your church, and the other
is the government, the police. And we work hand-in-hand with
them in situations like this. But right now, I'm just discussing
This face of marital wrongs, questionable safety. But there's
one more. And as you know, you can probably guess what this
one is. If we're descending down to the darkest, here it is. Letter
E is shattered vows. Shattered vows. I'm talking about
the ultimate breach of trust in a marriage and the road leading
to it. Your Bible is still open to Proverbs.
We'll get to Romans in a moment, but look at Proverbs chapter
6. Proverbs chapter 6. Verses 32 and 33. The one who
commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense. He who would
destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find,
and his reproach will not be blotted out. You say, that's
a verse for men. That's warning men. You know what the author of Proverbs
is doing? It's taking the sin, it's taking the sin of immorality
and personifying it. This is a warning to men and
women. It's a warning that if you want to destroy yourself
and your marriage, if you will, if you want wounds and disgrace
and reproach that will not be blotted out, continue down this
road. You know, verse 33, wounds and
disgrace you'll find as reproach will not be blotted out. You
say, can there be forgiveness? Oh, yes. Yes, most definitely. There could be rescues of marriages.
We've seen more rescues than carnage, personally. In marriages
we've had the joy of working with. But I'll just tell you
this, the truth that verse 33 is saying to you is this, wounds
heal, but scars remain. Wounds heal, but scars remain. You say, is there a road back?
Yes! If we give any other answer, we don't understand the forgiveness
and grace available in Christ. Of course, a marriage can be
healed and restored even after all these faces of marital wrongs,
including letter E. Those marriages can be rescued
so that they put the glory of God on display in that marriage.
But what I'm telling you right now is I just want you to feel
the weight of these five faces of marital wrongs that are common. Oh, they're common. Absent communication. broken
promises, missing roles, questionable safety, and shattered vows. Can
I stir the pot a little bit more, as if it needs it? This is sometimes
with a saved spouse, sometimes with an unsaved spouse. And let
me stir it one more time. These faces of marital wrongs
can be either, hang on to this, real, they actually happened
or are happening, or only perceived. They haven't happened and are
not happening, but you are acting as if they are. These are the faces of marital
wrongs. Maybe you're here and you're
saying, in your own heart, I know these faces all too well. I put on a facade at church or
around other people, but I know several of these faces all too
well. Please tell me, where do I turn? It's a good question, and there's
a great answer. You want to know where to turn
in your marriages? When you face wrongs like this,
you turn to Romans 12. And I'd like for you to turn
in your Bibles to Romans 12 for the last part of our study. Romans 12. And I want to talk to you in
the last few minutes about your rights in marital wrongs. Your rights in marital wrongs. You're like, yeah, I have my
rights. When I get wronged, I have my
rights in my marriage. I have a right to talk back.
I have a right to swing back. And one guy said to me, in another
ministry, in another chapter of my life, when his wife had
strayed and came back, he actually was tempted with, now I get to
get mine, right? And he said that to me. I have
my rights if my spouse is wronging me, either real or perceived.
I can talk back, I can swing back, I can give back, until
it's all even, or better yet, I win. Well, brothers and sisters in
Christ, you do have rights when you're wronged, but it's none
of the above. God doesn't prescribe for you
to swing back, talk back, and give back. Paul lays out your rights here
in Romans chapter 12, verses 14 through 21. In one paragraph, he gives to
a group of believers Believers who are wronging each other,
help. And not only help for their church
between Jewish Christians and Gentile Christians, but help
for every relationship, especially your marriages and the relationships
within the church. You have your rights. And Paul's
speaking to both parties as he gives this paragraph. I want
you to write these rights down. I want you to memorize them as
a family. How about if we teach our kids
young how to respond when we're wronged? The first right you
have when you're wronged is simply this, be quick to bless. Be quick to bless. Look at verses 14 and 15. Look
at this. Bless those who persecute you. Bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice
and weep with those who weep. He's not just saying rejoice
with those who rejoice and weep, but those who weep who agree
with you. Pursue people that would normally
be your foe in the moment, even a spouse, even another Christian. And you pull up your life close
to theirs, even if they're not returning the favor. And you
bless them. You don't return fire and curse
them. Be quick to bless. What does
it mean to bless someone? You're like, yeah, I want to
give someone a good blessing out. What does it mean to bless someone?
It means simply to speak well of or to a wronger. Someone who has wronged you or
is wronging you in the moment. You bless them. You bless them. You speak well of them to other
people, even when they're not around. or to them in the moment. Isn't it amazing how clear our
Lord taught on this in the Sermon on the Mount? Just write it down.
Matthew 5, 44-48. He says, The Lord, your heavenly
Father, causes the sun to rise on the evil and the good and
sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For this sake,
Verse 44, he says, love your enemies and pray for those who
persecute you. For if you love those who love
you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors
do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are
you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the
same? You are to be perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Be quick to bless. That's where you get your traction
in a wrong. I'm going to guard my mouth.
And if you're going to guard your mouth, it means you have
to guard your heart. And where there's going to be natural,
a default setting to want to fight from the heart level, and
it comes out in your nouns and verbs, you must change your heart
with God's Word in those moments. Be quick to bless. But there's
another right you have when you're wronged. It's letter B. Be aware of pride. Be aware of
pride. Now look at verse 16. Look at
the humility verse 16 calls you to. He's talking to both parties.
Not just to one party. Talking to both parties in this
paragraph. Be of the same mind toward one another. Wow. Do not
be haughty or proud in your mind, but associate with the lowly.
If that weren't enough, there's another line coming. Do not be
wise in your own estimation. You have three clarion calls
in one verse to your humility when you're wronged. Say, wow,
I'm the one being wronged. How come I'm the one that has
to sit down? Because when you and I are wronged, it's not a
matter of if our pride will show itself, right? It's a matter
of where will it show itself as I'm being wronged. Remember Chuck E. Cheese? Besides
bad pizza, you had a lot of arcade games there, right? And one of
them was you have a sledgehammer and nine holes where a gopher
sticks his head out of the hole. And you put your eight tokens
into that machine. And then you grab your hammer.
Why are you breaking out in a sweat dial? Because you know it's not
if the gopher is going to show his head and I have to hit it,
it's where is he going to show up next? He's coming. You know,
it's the same when you and I are wronged in our marriage or in
any relationship. Our pride will surface. Not if,
but where. And it's fascinating that the Holy
Spirit through the pen of Paul says, you know what your right
is when you're wronged? Even in marriage, be aware of
your pride. We're just like this. Our tendency,
my tendency, is to look down at my wrongers, because they
don't have it together like me. That's pride. That's pride. You know, C.S. Lewis, in his
book, The Screwtape Letters, he even contended that we can
be proud of our humility. He said this, quote, pride is
a telescope turned the wrong way. It magnifies self and makes
the heavens small. If we don't deal with our pride,
as soon as we're wronged, it will poison the rest of the process.
Be aware of pride. If we say we're really concerned
with the one who's wronging us, then we'll always remember Galatians
6.1, that if anyone's caught in a trespass, you who are spiritual
restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness. And I love this
phrase, each one looking to himself so that you too will not be tempted.
Well, there's a third right when you're wronged. Letter C, be focused on peace. Be focused on peace. Let's continue
reading in chapter 12, verse 17 and 18. Paul says, never pay
back evil for evil to anyone. Respect what is right in the
sight of all men, and if possible, so far as it depends on, what's
your Bible say there? It depends on who? On you. Be at peace with all men. Understand
this. When Paul is saying be focused
on peace when you're wrong, this is not a call to being a doormat. Being a doormat is passive. Being
a peacemaker is active. Someone who gets in a dust up
in their marriage or in another relationship must pause and ask
some hard questions. Questions like this, have I swung
back yet? If so, then I'm the most recent
offender and I need to ask forgiveness. Another question is, how's my
example? Am I respecting what is good
in the sight of all men right now? Verse 17. If not, I need to stop and repent. And in this dust up I'm in right
now, here's another question, where can I be part of the solution
here right now? Instead of burying my spouse
or burying this other person, I'm going to step back, step
outside, by God's grace take an objective look and say, what
does this person, me, need to do to make this thing turn a
corner in grace? Be focused on peace. It's interesting,
again, here we go back to the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew
5, 9. Blessed are the peacemakers, why? For they shall be called
sons of God. You never look more like your
Heavenly Father than when you are an active, gracious maker
of peace. There's a fourth right you have
when you're wrong. Be confident in God. Be confident in God. Let's continue reading verses
19 and 20. It doesn't get any clearer than this. Look at this.
Never take your own revenge, beloved, but leave room for the
wrath of God, for it's written, vengeance is mine, I will repay,
says the Lord. As for your part, verse 20, if
your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him a
drink. for in so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." What's God saying in verse 19
and 20? What do you mean be confident in God? God's saying to you in
your marriage this, you do your part in love and I'll do my part
if needed. Trust me. God's saying just trust
me on that one. But what is a promise to you
that should be giving you hope in your marriage is also a warning
to you if you don't listen. You say, what do you mean by
that? Well, look at the three rights
we've already looked at. We're supposed to bless, but
if you say, no, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to
curse. I'm going to give it back to them. And instead of being
focused on peace, we say, I'm going to keep war footing here
as I give it back to them. And instead of being aware of
pride, we're going to defend our rights. Okay, if we're going
to go the opposite direction of these first three rights,
God says to you, you better watch yourself. You're trying to take
my position. I will repay, says the Lord.
You don't return evil for evil. We have handicapped parking spots
out in the parking lots here. And what does that blue sign
mean? It means if you park your car here without the right sticker,
you're in trouble. And it's not just with the police,
but with Fred. You don't want none of Fred.
No, those blue signs say you don't belong in this parking
spot. And if you stay here, there's going to be consequences. What
God's saying here in verse 19 and 20 is there's a parking spot
reserved for God. It's called revenge. And you
are never, you are never, there's never an exception to this in
your relationships to park in his spot. God says, you do your part. I'll
do my part. You know what Psalm, the Psalm
writer says in Psalm 94 one, Oh Lord, God of vengeance, God
of vengeance shine forth. This is where David had two opportunities
to pierce and kill King Saul. And he didn't take either one.
You know, in your marriage, it's
hard to be confident in God sometimes. Because you don't see and trace
His hand moving fast enough, if at all. But God continues
to say to you, trust Me. And by the way, did you see this
in verse 19? Leave room for the wrath of God.
I hope that phrase arrests your attention. Because when we read
about the wrath of God in the Old Testament and the New Testament,
it's never a good thing. I mean, nations and islands burn,
and pillars of smoke ascend to heaven when we talk about the
wrath of God in both Testaments. It kind of causes you to pause
a little bit. As ticked off as you may be at someone, a spouse,
someone else in the church, another employer, as ticked off as you
may be, you still don't want the wrath of God to visit them,
do you? That very possibility should
temper you. There's one more right you have
when you're wrong. And here it is. It's the last
verse of this chapter. Here it is. Be victorious at
last. Be victorious at last. Look at
verse 21. Do not be overcome by evil, but
overcome evil with good. Those of you with military or
first responder experience, this word overcome, this is a conflict
word. This is a war word. As a matter
of fact, J. Adams in his little book on this
passage says this, the word overcome is a war word. It comes right
off the battlefield with the smell of smoke and sweat still
clinging to it. The term is used to describe
a defeat. To be overcome is to be defeated.
To overcome, on the other hand, is to defeat. Do not be overcome
by evil coming at you from someone else, but overcome evil with
good. You see, brothers and sisters,
when it comes to your rights when you are wronged in marriage
or any relationship, victory, the win, does not come by getting
in the last word. You still lose. Victory doesn't
come by getting in the hardest hit. You still lose. Victory
doesn't come by merely circling the wagons and protecting your
reputation. You still lose. Victory doesn't
come by getting your own way. Even if you get it, you still
lose. Victory doesn't come by making sure that your needs are
the ones that are front and center. If that's the case, even if they're
met, you still lose. What is victory? Victory is one
word. Obedience. Grace-driven, God-affectioned
obedience. If you look at Sandy Ellis's
Bible, and you get past Revelation, you keep going past the Concordance,
past the maps, there's more to her Bible. It's called The Pursuit
of Holiness by Jerry Bridges, right? She really loves Jerry
Bridges. I'm just teasing. She doesn't hold it up with Equalist
Scripture, but she has been profoundly influenced by that book, Pursuit
of Holiness. by Jerry Bridges. Jerry Bridges makes this statement
in that book that I absolutely love. He says, God wants us to
walk in obedience. Obedience is oriented toward
God. Victory is oriented toward us. This is not to say God doesn't
want us to experience victory, but rather to emphasize that
victory is a byproduct of obedience. And he is right. Can you be victorious
even if, listen, even if your spouse continues to wrong you?
And the answer is yes. I could give you a personal testimony
of my own family, mom and dad, and how there were times that
mom wanted to be extremely discouraged. And Marcella Rhodes, the pastor's
wife from Calvary Baptist Church in Roseville, kept my mom personally
in the game, counseled her, brought her to small Bible studies, and
kept her in the game. And my mom won. She won. With grace. What are your rights when you're
wronged? You have a right to be quick to bless, be aware of
pride. You have a right to be focused
on peace, to be confident in God, and to be victorious at
last. Those are your rights when you're
wronged in your marriage, no matter where you are in your marriage,
on your journey. And these are your rights for any relationship,
as Paul's demonstrating as he writes to two different parties
of Christians. These are our rights when we are wrong. You
say, Who says I can even do this? I mean, this list is creating
almost a wall, not hope. It's, I can't do this. I can't
respond with blessing and humility and peacemaking and patience
with God and hope to win. I can't do that in my own strength.
What's the answer to that? You're absolutely right. But
someone else has already done it perfectly. Can you think of
anyone who is quick to bless? Can you think of anyone that
put on a higher demonstration of humility in the face of opposition?
Can you think of anyone in particular who was focused on making peace,
who was confident in his heavenly Father, and who won? Jesus Christ. And I want to close by taking
you over to 1 Peter. Let's change authors, change
books, and I want you to see how perfectly Jesus lived out
what Paul prescribes, and you got credit for it as a Christian.
1 Peter 2, verse 20, and then we're finished. In the middle
of verse 20, well, let's go to the beginning of verse 20. What
credit is there if when you sin and are harshly treated, you
endure it with patience? But if when you do what is right
and suffer for it, you patiently endure it, this finds favor with
God, For you have been called for this purpose since Christ
also suffered for you, leaving you an example for you to follow
in his steps, who committed no sin, nor was any deceit found
in his mouth. And while being reviled, he did
not revile in return. While suffering, he uttered no
threats, but he kept entrusting himself to him who judges righteously. And he himself bore our sins
in his body on the cross, so that we might die to sin and
live to righteousness, for by his wounds you were healed. Let
me introduce you to Jesus Christ, the one who was the ultimate,
full, eternal example of what it means to exercise these rights
when you're wronged. And you get credit for it, as
messed up as your record is. But not only do you get credit
for it, He's died for your failings. And the one who saved you from
your failings and the one who credited his perfection in this
area to you also says to you, I give you my spirit. I envelop
you with my grace. Now you can respond this way
when you're wronged, even in your closest relationships of
marriage. Who says you can do this? The
only one who can.
Your Rights When You're Wrong
Series Tightening the Knot
| Sermon ID | 527211722333504 |
| Duration | 50:15 |
| Date | |
| Category | Sunday - AM |
| Language | English |
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