Pray with me. Gracious Heavenly Father, we thank You again for Your love and faithfulness. Thank You that we can express this heartfelt disposition corporately as the body of Christ in song in our Scripture reading and in the preaching of Your Word. Pray that we would understand that, Father. You are a faithful God. You are a good God. And You care for us. And You care for us in all things. As we continue in our study of marriage, we understand, Father, that you care for that especially, that you desire our marriages to be a reflection of your wonderful love toward your people through your son. It's in his precious name we pray. Amen. All right, everyone, I invite you to open your Bibles. Go ahead and find your place in the book of First Corinthians. 1 Corinthians 7. We'll have a more textually based message both today and next Lord's Day. This will be the text that will be the foundation of our understanding of biblical sex within the blessed confines of marriage which God has instituted both for our good and for His glory. 1 Corinthians. Chapter 7. Go ahead and mark that spot there. Please follow along as I read. Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman, but because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife and each woman is to have her own husband. The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command, yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. So we understand the whole context, but today our particular attention will be on verses one through four. And I want to acknowledge, and I try not to overqualify things, but this is just one of those things where I think something needs to be said every once in a while. When it comes to talking about sex and intimacy, especially within marriage, I think we simply have to, where repentance is needed, repent from being prudish about it. I will say this. God is not a prude. He's not. And neither should we be. God is truthful. He is honest. And he tells us exactly what we need to know. And so with his word as our bedrock and authority in all matters of faith and life, we should be truthful as well. And so some of these things, you know, I don't want to sugarcoat it. I don't want to sound too PC. I want to speak the Word of God to you very simply. And I realize that no matter how many qualifications one makes, there may be some among you who simply just have a problem with this because because it's so personal or so private. And my simple response is that God talks about it. And so are we. God talks about it. So should we. God cares about our marriage. And I will say this too. God cares more about your marriage than you do. God cares infinitely more about your marriage than you do. He cares more about your sex life than you do. And He has given us His truth to guide us plainly and clearly. And again, because we've already established that this is such a significant part of marriage, we do not want to ignore it. And so, we introduced this subject last week, and one of the things we initially wanted to identify were the various counterfeit views of sex. Something that God has designed for a man and his wife to enjoy together. The devil hates sex. We have said that also. He hates all things that are meant to be a gift from God and enjoyed by faith, understanding that he is the one who has provided it for our enjoyment and satisfaction within marriage and only marriage. And Satan, wouldn't you know, doesn't have to remove a good thing from our lives. He simply has to present it as an idol. And that's the one big thing that we want to be on our guard against. We talked about the counterfeit views of sex and one of them, the first one was that we make sex into a God. We deify it. We worship it. We also have a view toward it that it is gross, that it's disgusting, it's base, it's physical. So it's really not that important. Or it's Gnostic. Once again, not so much that it's gross, but that it's just sort of of secondary importance. It's lower story level Christianity. It's really not that big of a deal. And I would say scripture says precisely otherwise. It is a big deal and it's important and it is part of being married. You take away sex and intimacy. You really don't have a marriage. But as we concentrate on confronting the idolatry of sex, I think we continually see our need for scripture to inform us on this issue. We understand that we live in a sex crazed world. I think most of us understand that. It's a topic that constantly comes up regardless of the topic of discussion. Regardless of which worldly sphere in which you are operating. None of us are strangers to either innuendo or outnuendo. You talk about any subject, it seems like sex enters the picture. It's always on someone's mind. It's ingrained in nearly every expression of culture. It plays a significant part in art. It's in the music we listen to. You know, you think about rap music, the only two kinds of music in existence, rock and roll. It's pervasive in rock and roll, even our hallowed Christian country music. You start listening to the lyrics. It's in nearly every song. It's all over the place. It's in the movies we watch. It's in the TV programs we watch, it's in the books we read. It's so pervasive. It's as if reality itself is a projection of this very obsession. And we get caught up into it as well. We start wondering what's going to happen. You know, we watch certain TV shows. Is Jim going to end up with Pam? Come on, you know what I'm talking about. And we think about that. It's fiction, but we think about that. Is Meredith going to end up with Dr. McDreamy? Right? These questions come up. And it's in all of our programming. And we want to know who's going to end up with whom. Except in these relationships, they are mostly sexual relationships that are occurring outside of marriage. And what is going on here? What is the programming? What is the message? Well, I think first and foremost, the message is that this is normal. It's normal. It is perfectly acceptable for sex to be practiced outside of the bonds of marriage. And who are we to judge otherwise? This obsession is also very evident in the age of one's first sexual encounter. According to the Kinsey Institute, average age of first intercourse by gender in the United States, males, 16.8 years. I suspect that that number is going to drop lower in many respects. Females! 17.2 years! That's the average age of the first sexual encounter. It's everywhere. And so, it follows that if sex is becoming everything, then what does it really become? It becomes nothing. It's become meaningless. This follows definitely from a Marxist view of culture, linked very strongly to a view of evolution. If we're just bags of goo bumping into each other, right? Cosmic stardust. Does sex really ultimately matter? Does it matter what age at which we start practicing it? Does it matter whether or not it's within the confines of marriage? No, none of it matters. Once again, when we remove God from anything, it loses all meaning. That is why it's so important to uphold a biblical worldview of sex and everything else. Because God gives everything meaning. Gives everything significance. From an article dated August 31, 2020, so rather recent from the Pew Research Center, says this, here's the headline. Half of U.S. Christians say casual sex between consenting adults is sometimes or always acceptable. I mean, note the worldview being borrowed here. It doesn't matter what God's Word says. It matters what man says. If both are consenting adults, at least they said adults, it's sometimes or always acceptable. Here's the intro to the article. Many Christian traditions disapprove of premarital sex. And even though Christians in the United States hold less permissive views than religiously unaffiliated Americans about dating and sex, most say it's acceptable in at least some circumstances for consenting adults to have sex outside of marriage, according to a recent Pew Research Center survey. So gone is this idea of sex between a man and a woman within marriage and only marriage based on a lifelong covenant before God and man. If this person's okay and that person's okay, then it must be okay. Really quite remarkable. Here's some more information. 8 in 10 religiously unaffiliated Americans, 79% say sex between unmarried adults in a committed relationship is sometimes or always acceptable. Once again, a dropping number. And it would be nearly absurd to try to detach this prevailing view from what apostate culture represents as sexually acceptable, because it's pervading every area of culture. And unfortunately, Christians are buying it without even thinking about what God's word says about it. But here's the thing, sex isn't the problem. It never has been. The problem is an unholy view and an unholy application of it. That's why today's sermon title is called Holy Sex. Fidelity, duty, authority. Holy sex. That is, in every area of life, we are called to be holy. We are called to be devoted unto the Lord and His purposes and to His glory. This includes marital intimacy. And if the marital union is to be connected or to be an illustration of Christ's love and devotion, his sacrificial love to his church, then it does follow that even intimacy in the marriage reflects that somehow. And I would say in this way, that sex between a man and his wife is a celebration of that oneness. It's not unlike when we gather together on the Lord's Day, what are we doing? We are commemorating, we are celebrating corporately the union that we have with Christ. That makes it a holy thing. And so we want to have a holy understanding of it and a holy application of it. Once again, we want to get away from this Gnostic view of it, that somehow it's less important. especially because it's been so hijacked and perverted by unbelief. And yet, as believers, as we said last Lord's Day, we are to reclaim this in the name of Jesus Christ, because all things belong to him and all things are under his lordship and authority. And I think 1 Corinthians 7 really provides some principles, some guidelines, some commands and instructions about how we are to view sex. But first and foremost, we are to view it as a holy thing. Just like the Lord told Israel and as 1 Peter says, be holy in all your behavior. Be holy as I am holy, says the Lord. And so we have a holy view of sex and marriage. And one thing I really like about this particular passage is how realistic it is of all the letters that Paul wrote. And all the cities to which he wrote Corinth probably is the most godless. Probably is the city smitten with the most idolatry, the most probably the most common expressions of sexual immorality. It's realistic, right? It's not like Paul is writing a letter to Branson, Missouri, right? Where everyone's a Christian or something like that. Some closed off community. No, it's Corinth. It's very Roman. It's a pagan riddled city. And he's saying that whether you are in Corinth or Colorado Springs or Las Vegas or New York City, you can live by the power of the Holy Spirit, a life of joyful holiness, knowing that you serve the King of Kings. We are under ultimately Christ's lordship and we obey him. No matter how pungent ungodliness is, no matter how just pervasive ungodliness and immorality is. We are called to live under the law of Christ. We are called to obey His commandments. And not the commandments of men. Because rest assured, when it comes to sexual purity, when it comes to sexual immorality, all bets are off. The law of man says, as long as it doesn't hurt anybody, as long as it's consensual, you can kind of do whatever you want. But what say the scriptures? What say the scriptures? Now let's look at this verse one. Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. So right off the bat we see this pattern in Paul. He says now concerning he uses this later on in this chapter concerning virgins. Chapter 12 verse one concerning spiritual gifts. Chapter 16 concerning the collection for the Saints or of the Saints. So there's a lot of concerning things. As if Paul is writing this letter, and it is 16 chapters in length, so there's a lot of things that the Apostle Paul is addressing. Concerning this, concerning that. Oh, and what about this? He's going down the list in a very deliberate way. What does the Lord have to say about this? And so it's easy to see that the Corinthian church is going through a number of things. And add to this the issue of church discipline. They're going through that too. And so these things need to be talked about. And so He does. And the first thing He says, and this is mostly by way of introduction, look at verse 1 again. He says, it is good for a man not to touch a woman. So we might think this is a very peculiar thing because at the very beginning of the Bible, the Lord says it is good for man not to be alone. And these are not contradictory statements. Paul is not forbidding marriage. He's simply saying you are not required to get married. There is no law for you to get married. Your life can be profitable and beneficial and fulfilling in the Lord, even in a state of singleness. Now, to most people, I wouldn't recommend it. I think most people are built for marriage. They desire companionship. Most Christians still desire a family. They desire children. They desire a lifelong spouse who will be committed and faithful to them. And that is a good thing as well. Paul is not making an either-or statement, so just keep that in mind. And then he goes on to say this, of course, good for a man not to touch a woman referring to to sexual intercourse. But then he says in verse two. But because of immoralities, right? One thing we have explored in at least a couple messages beforehand is that one of the benefits of the sexual union is to keep us from sin. It is to satisfy those carnal urges and keep us from sin. Done so in marriage and only marriage. He says because of immoralities. Now note the plural here because of immoralities. Pointing to the numerous expressions, no doubt that were present in Corinth and even in our own time. Of a godless use of the gift of sex, immoralities abound there everywhere. There's no shortage of perversions. That's obvious. And so he says because of this, Each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband. So that brings up the first thing regarding holy sex, is that we are to express fidelity. Fidelity in holy sex. Fidelity. You could add unity, right? There is a purpose to which Paul is drawing us now. And that is this issue of marital fidelity and marital oneness. Each man is to have his own wife and each woman is to have her own husband. Now, remind you that Paul is writing to a Roman culture and I think this could resonate with us because we live in a culture today that is very Roman. All kinds of views of marriage abound. But in Rome, and in a Roman society, as far as I was able to research, there were basically four expressions of marriage. And I will do my best to say these Latin words. But the first one was this, is contubernium. Contubernium. I think I got that right. Simply means companionship, literally points to living in a tent together. And this was the kind of marriage that occurred between two slaves or between a slave and their master. And it was a union that could also be called off. So that was one expression of it. one simple expression of marriage. And there's another one called USUS. And this was A marriage that kind of like how we understand it, a common law marriage. You may have never had a public official ceremony as we do, where there's vows, there's a swapping of the ring, someone sings an awkward solo, and then they are pronounced man and wife. This is sort of common law. A man and a woman could live together for about a year, and then after that year, they became identified as husband and wife. This is very similar to a very interesting cultural nuance in the United States. We call it shacking up. You kind of give that cohabitation a try to see if you really want to live with this person. And so it's an attempt to reap all the benefits of marriage. You're basically playing pretend, living in sexual sin, reaping all the benefits of marriage, or so you think, without the actual marriage covenant, without that actual visible public commitment. And so in Rome, this was very much like an example of today's common law marriage or cohabitation. So that's two examples. Here's a third example. Co-emptio and manum. Co-emptio in manum, which refers to pleasurable service or pleasurable service woman. This is what we call a marriage by sale. Now, typically it went something like this. Here's an example. Is that if a man fell into financial dire straits and he needed to become solvent, one option, one terrible option that he had was the ability to sell a daughter, if he had, to a willing man in order to pay off his debt. And in some cases, this woman was actually free under her own will to leave the house after years of what became known as pleasurable service. So once again, absent from here is the understanding of a lifelong covenantal commitment before the Lord in faithfulness, in upholding their marriage vows, keeping themselves only for one another. of course the price would vary depending on the man and depending on the size of the debt. So here's the fourth one and this would perhaps reflect what we typically understand as a marriage ceremony today. The confor- let's see if I can pronounce this correctly- the conforatio conforatio, something like that. And this is sort of like the marriage with with the ceremony, right? You have you have a man and a woman and they stand before a crowd. There's there may be someone officiating and there are vows exchanged. There are even rings exchanged. And then And then there are prayers offered in a pagan Roman ceremony. They would offer prayers to either Jupiter or Juno, sometimes both. There were even flowers. There was a bouquet of flowers that is today known as a wife or bridal bouquet. There were veils involved. So basically, The same things that we have in a marriage today, and I'm not saying we should stop practicing this. I'm not saying that that's inherently pagan, but this was reflective of the paganism of that day. It turns out there was even a wedding cake present. So a lot of this sounds familiar to us. And so those were. Those were the four ways. That marriage was expressed in a Roman system. Now, you can imagine that that would come up as a question in first century Christendom. Okay, Paul, you're an apostle. What do we do about this? Because there's so many different expressions of marriage. What do we do? Here's Paul's solution. It is marital fidelity. Each man is to have his own wife. Each woman is to have her own husband. So very clear. commitment, faithfulness, lifelong faithfulness, that guards the man and his wife against immoralities. That was his solution. That's the biblical solution. That's the biblical view of marriage. And so note this, and we've seen this before, especially in 1 Peter, that a man is to have his own wife, a woman is to have her own husband, designates intimacy, the companionship, the oneness that they enjoy together, that they have, in a sense, a claim on one another, that they belong to each other, and not at the exclusion of everyone else. You know, most of you, when you took your marriage vows, you probably said something like, forsaking all others, that you were for this person alone, and that they were for you alone, forsaking all others. but there would never be any unfaithfulness expressed, that you would never invite another person into that most intimate part of marriage, that you belong solely to one another. It's reflective of what Song of Solomon says, I am my beloved's and he is mine and his banner over me is love. So that is the fidelity, that is the faithfulness of holy sex and marriage. You keep yourselves only for one another. You take ownership over one another. And what do we say about that? When there's ownership, there is a cherishing. There is a guarding. There is a protecting of that union. So let's move on. To verse three. Here we talk about the duty of holy sex. We talked about the fidelity of it. Now we talk about the duty of it. Yes, there are responsibilities that you have toward one another, believe it or not. So look at what it says, look at what verse 3 says, that the husband must fulfill his duty to his wife and likewise also the wife to her husband. OK, so you have a mutual duty to fulfill one another. Of course, what is this fulfillment talking about? Well, in the context of immoralities, this is talking about sexual fulfillment once again with the Puritans called conjugal fellowship or do benevolence, right? Something that was something that was dudes do something that was owed to one another and that it was a it was a good thing. So you give what is due rather than viewing sex selfishly or autonomously. It is a way that you serve one another. This speaks of a debt that you are obligated to pay. You fulfill that duty to one another. And so just kind of breaking this down, well, what does this fulfillment look like? Because none of us wants to be unfulfilled in that regard. So the way I've broken this down is sort of the disposition that we as Christians are meant to have regarding sex. But not only that, but regarding our spouse. With what heart, with what attitude, with what mindset and disposition are we to view one another in this regard? And for some of you, this is going to be really difficult. It really is, but I encourage you to change your mind on some of these things if necessary. The first thing, of course, is you fulfill this obligation obediently. I think that's the most clear instruction from here. You fulfill this obligation obediently. This is the word of God, right? God has spoken. And the question then becomes, will you or will you not obey? Now, this is not legalism. This is not self-righteousness. This is simply a response to what God has clearly said in his word through the Apostle Paul. You are obligated to one another in this regard. So will you obey the word of the Lord and will you honor one another through that obedience and ultimately bring glory to God? That's the first thing. And following off of that is fulfilling this obligation willingly. Right. We don't want we don't want our obedience to be mechanical. Right. We want our obedience to come from the heart as in all matters. We don't obey God like he's an unreasonable tyrant or he's put on unreasonable oppressive laws over us. No, we are to obey these things freely. Right. And if we are free to obey this, then the will should be actively involved that we desire to fulfill this. And we understand that when it comes to When it comes to marital intimacy, you're not always going to be in the mood. You're not always going to want to do that. But then, of course, if you're doing this willingly, it means you give each other an opportunity to get in the mood. It means being available for one another. It means limiting the excuses you may make to avoid that. Whether it's spontaneous or even planned, The idea here is that you are available for one another to willfully obey the Word of God. Here's another thing. Here's another thing to keep in mind. Some of these are going to hit home more than others. Under the duty of holy sex, we fulfill this duty realistically, right? I think sometimes we enter marriage with these unreasonable expectations of what sex is going to be like. So to say is that it's not always going to be epic. It's not always going to be the most awesome thing ever. Doug Wilson shined some light on this, speaking of this. But if everything must be dynamic, then they must always seek some new thrill, usually involving a good deal of weirdness in order to keep up with the dynamic imperative. And that dynamic imperative often comes from the outside. some kind of third-party social or cultural pressure that was never meant to be put on you. As a man and wife, you have to figure this out between yourselves. And that requires something called communication. Communicate about it. Talk to one another about it. Be realistic. Manage expectations. It's not always going to be the same thing. It's not always going to be awesome. Sometimes it's going to be filet mignon. Other times it's going to be dried mac and cheese. The main thing is, is that you come together and reinforce the faithful one flesh union of your marriage. Also, realistically, this recognizes that your respective sex drives and your attraction to one another are going to be different and even sometimes they change. The way you respond and relate to one another is going to be different. That's just a realistic way of looking at it. That's a biblical way of understanding that men and women are different and they view sex differently. And so in being realistic and being biblically realistic in marital intimacy, what this requires is that you consider one another's differences and show the grace to accommodate those differences. But that always requires open, honest, humble communication. Here's the next one. I love this one. Fulfill your duty joyfully. Yes. Yes. Your pastor is up here telling you to make love to one another and like it. Delight in one another. And don't give each other a hard time about it. Learn to anticipate it. Learn to look forward to it. But the bottom line is delight in one another. Remember how you view one another. You view one another as a gift from God. So this duty is joyful. Let's go to Song of Solomon. It's a great picture of how the man and his wife delight in one another. How beautiful you are, my darling, how beautiful you are. Your eyes are like doves behind your veil. Your hair is like a flock of goats that have descended from Mount Gilead. Your teeth are like a flock of newly shorn ewes which have come up from their washing, all of which bear twins. Some white teeth right there. And not one among them has lost her young. Your lips are like a scarlet thread and your mouth is lovely. Your temples are like a slice of a pomegranate behind your veil. And on and on, this is great stuff. Your neck is like the Tower of David built with rows of stone, on which are hung a thousand shields, all the round shields of the mighty men. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, which feed among the lilies. Until the cool of the day, when the shadows flee away, I will go my way to the mountain of myrrh and to the hill of frankincense. You are altogether beautiful, my darling. There is no blemish in you." So what's the point of saying this? Because this is some very interesting imagery. When you think about this in a wooden, literal sense, you're like, wow, that's a really odd picture of beauty. But what's the point here? And I think this is very countercultural. I think we do live in a society where there are very unrealistic, twisted, and perverse understandings of what it means to be beautiful. And because of that, we are constantly nitpicking at one another's imperfections, especially physically. And what is so beautiful about a passage like this is that all that is delightful, all that is lovely about his bride is being highlighted. focusing on what brings him delight and joy rather than her flaws. See, this is a joyful acknowledgement of the things that brings him pleasure, of the things that brings him joy regarding his precious bride. And then it goes on in chapter five. I have come into my garden, my sister, my bride. I have gathered my myrrh along with my balsam. I have eaten my honeycomb. and my honey, I have drunk my wine with my milk, eat friends, drink and imbibe deeply, O lovers." It's just like Proverbs 5.19 describes, right? That the young man here is being counseled to always be exhilarated by the love and raptured by it. And the word used for exhilarated is a Hebrew term which actually means to stray, right? to be captivated by something, right? To be completely just focused on that thing. And the object is the love of his wife, of his woman. All good things. And then we move on. Well, how does how does the wife express that joy? For our authority, we move on in Song of Solomon, still chapter five, starting in verse 10. My beloved is dazzling and ruddy. Ruddy is a word that refers to a healthy pink color of the skin. Described also of King David, he was ruddy and good looking, right? Outstanding among 10,000. His head is like gold, pure gold. His locks are like clusters of dates and black as a raven. His eyes are like doves beside streams of water, bathed in milk and reposed in their setting. His cheeks are like a bed of balsam, banks of sweet-scented herbs. His lips are lilies dripping with liquid myrrh." So, I mean, notice how the senses are just so attentive to the smells, the tastes, the sights, and how their love just draws them in together in marital bliss and joy. Where were we? His lips are like lilies, dripping with liquid myrrh. His hands are rods of gold, set with beryl. His abdomen is carved ivory, inlaid with sapphires. His legs are pillars of alabaster, set on pedestals of pure gold. You hear that, dudes? Don't skip leg day. His appearance is like Lebanon, choice is the cedars. His mouth is full of sweetness, and he is wholly desirable. This is my beloved, and this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem." That is just beautiful stuff. My beloved and my friend. It's even highlighting the importance of friendship in marriage. But that is the joy that they take in one another. And that is something worth considering when you Take stock of your own love life together. Are you joyful in one another? Are you enraptured with one another? Like we said, it doesn't have to be like that every waking moment of every day. But give provision for that to grow and cultivate. Nurture that in your marriage. Because the fact that it's mentioned in Scripture, this kind of love, this kind of delight, tells us that this is to be a normal thing, a normal course of love within your marriage. Not something that is unattainable and left to the realm of fantasy. No, this love is deep and abiding and poetic. How else do we fulfill this duty? Not just joyfully, but also considerably. And this is where communication, once again, is very, very key, because not all men are pleased the same, not all women are pleased the same. And men and women are built different sexually. And that has to be respected, and that has to be understood. You are to dwell with one another with knowledge, so you are to know each other on this level. And so with those differences, this is broad brushing. I'll acknowledge that. But it is often said that a man is like a microwave and a woman is like a crock pot. Right. We're built differently when it comes to that. I know total, total broad brush. But you think about how that works out in the providence of God. He built men and women differently. And one of the reasons is that we can consider one another's needs. We can learn each other knowing those differences, different parts, different chemicals, different desires, different preferences. We see this even in our biology wives, you may not know this, but your man has 15 times more testosterone than you do. Of course, he's going to see sex differently than you do. And you may think, wow, he's such a barbarian, all that testosterone. Well, guess what? He's your barbarian. You guys got to take care of each other. Enjoy one another. In the book, Tying the Knot Tighter by Martha Peace and John Kratz, they they have some good questions for application. Now, I did look in this book and sure enough, the chapter on the chapter on sex and intimacy is way in the back. I think a little bit after finances, because finances are so important in marriage. So listen to this. Listen to these questions. And again, these are questions you can ask each other. When engaging in an act of love, do you concentrate on what pleases your spouse? Right? This is serving one another. This is ministering to one another. Rather than engaging in this act of love selfishly, do you concentrate on what pleases your spouse? Wives, do you talk to your husband? Tell him how to be a good lover to you. Conversely, husbands, do you talk to your wives and tell her how to be a good lover to you? See, there's talking. I mean, wives, don't you ever tell your husband, hey, I wish we talked more? You can talk about this. And these questions, they seem rather basic in regards to intimacy in marriage, but they can be kind of embarrassing at first. What person likes to hear that they are a bad or selfish lover? That could be soul crushing. Sometimes it's hard to come back from that. Here's my pastoral counsel. Get over it. Talk with one another. Communicate with one another. And be a faithful minister to each other in this way. And remember, it is out of care for one another and a desire to grow together that you have these conversations. So have some humility, be teachable, listen to one another. You might be surprised at the feedback you get. And then, of course, the question becomes, are you open and receptive to what is being told and can you hear it without getting put off and being offended? Love one another considerably. consider one another's needs, consider that your needs may be different, and consider also that your needs may change and evolve over time. What you like one day, 10 years from now, maybe 10 days from now, you may not like anymore. But that is why communication and being considerate to one another is so key. Because in this realm of your marriage, Often what happens is, you don't want to, you can get shy, you don't want to tell your spouse, well I don't like this, or I don't like that. And so you keep doing the same thing. When you need to be humble and talk about it. That's all. And of course, this gets into the the question of can we do this or can we do that? And John Piper and Mark Driscoll are very helpful on this. And I'd say just for its own sake, this is something that can be the I'd say the in-depth, the specifics would be would be better served if we did sort of an, you know, at Pastor Jonathan's house, if you guys are interested in talking about something like this to comb through the finer points. But for starters, when it comes to boundaries, even in marriage, Here's some questions that you should ask. Because when you love one another considerately, that means you love one another creatively, and that is a good thing. So the first question to ask is this, is it lawful? Does scripture endorse or does scripture forbid this thing we are doing? And scripture is always our final authority. So ask the question, does scripture forbid it? Here's the second thing. Is this thing kind? Right. Speaking of preferences, speaking of matters of conscience, pressuring your spouse to do something they perhaps are not ready for, even if it is perfectly lawful from scripture. Now, here's what John Piper has to say about this. So what does this mean? Practically, it means that both the husband and the wife have the right to say to each other, I would like to fill in the blank. And both of them have the right to say, I would rather not fill in the blank. And in a good marriage, the biblically beautiful marriage, both of them seek to outdo the other in showing kindness, end quote. So that's a good way of thinking about it. The bottom line is be kind to one another. in exploring your sexual relationship? Thirdly, is it natural? That is, is it consistent with how scripture describes sexual desire in the variety of ways that it is expressed in marriage? Very simple question. Fourthly, is it mutual? Mutual in agreement as well as pleasure, or is it done selfishly? Also something to think about. Make sure you're not viewing Sexual activity as autonomous and detached remember you guys are coming together for your mutual pleasure and joy Fifthly is it harmful is what you're doing causing bodily harm or injury. So those are the five questions you are to ask And of course, landing our plane here, Song of Solomon 416. Awake, O north wind, and come, wind of the south. Make my garden breathe out fragrance, let its spices be wafted abroad. May my beloved come into his garden and eat its choice fruits. In light of this scripture, With regards to these questions, I am of the conviction that a man and his wife are free to explore, touch, and taste one another without shame or self-condemnation. Remember, the man and his wife were naked and they were not ashamed. And one of the ways to reinforce the joy and shamelessness of marital sex is to communicate these things with one another openly, honestly, and humbly, and regularly. And that is the next principle of fulfilling these duties together. As Paul indicates below, if you want to look at your Bibles again, 1 Corinthians 7, in fulfilling this duty, he says in verse 5, stop depriving one another except by agreement for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. So this is supposed to be a regular activity done more often than not and he says stop depriving one another don't leave one another open to sexual temptation and infidelity because of your lack of self-control make it a priority rather than an afterthought as we talked about last week it's changing this paradigm from seeing sex as the cherry on top to the hot fudge and the sundae right built into the marriage not something that merely complements it but something that is clear and identifiable within it. And finally, fulfill your duty confidently. Confidently how? Confident in the pleasure and satisfaction that it brings, confidence in the bond that will be strengthened, and confidence that obedience to the word of the Lord will bring blessing and fruitfulness. Fruitfulness in many ways of your marriage, namely, and especially, children. The joy of children. the joy of the fruit of the womb, which we are meant to pursue diligently. And so we do this as Christians, not as unbelievers. Listen to 1 Thessalonians 4, 3-5. For this is the will of God, your sanctification, that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality, that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor. Right? This is a sanctified act that man and wife in the Lord are enjoying with one another. Sanctification and honor. Not in lustful passion. Right? This is not passion gone berserk. It is constrained. There are boundaries to it. And not with an attitude of, again, it's all about me. It's only for my pleasure. Again, that's how an unbeliever reasons. Lustful passion would include even going from one partner to another. No sense of commitment. No sense of faithfulness. And he says, like the Gentiles who do not know God. Now, is that not profound for today? If you want to gauge a person's knowledge of God, look at the way they view sex. It becomes clear as day, the way they talk about it, the way they think about it, the way they invest their time in it. Tells whether or not they know God. It's an interesting connection. So how do you view sex? That becomes a challenge for us today. How do we view it? Do we view it through the lens of Scripture? Do we see it as a holy thing to be done within marriage and only marriage? Before a God who blesses it? Or do we do so in lustful passion like Gentiles who do not know God? So thirdly and finally today, we come to the authority of holy sex. Look at your Scriptures again. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Now we've talked about the importance of not being selfish during sex, but making it an occasion to serve one another. But I think this speaks especially to our obsession with bodily autonomy today. It's not just our body, our choice. It's our body, our choices. If we truly act like we are our own, we will do that which we desire. Regardless of what happens to the other person or persons. But we understand first and foremost, we belong to the Lord. Body and soul, we belong to the Lord. And we serve Him. And we worship Him, body and soul. Again, many of us need to repent from this bodily autonomy, this claim to our right to ourselves. And so this belonging, this authority, as Paul puts it, is mutual. The wife does not have authority over her own body. She cannot claim exclusive rights to herself. She cannot behave in such a way toward her husband that she withholds sex. Nor can the husband do the same thing. You have a claim on one another. You belong to one another so you can feel free to prevail upon one another for intimacy and pleasure knowing that you belong to each other. This may be a very difficult thing in light of the culture in which we live, which praises bodily autonomy. Well, that person is their own. You can't claim anything. You can't assert yourself. And yet, Scripture says otherwise. But that is authority. Remember that you are not your own. You belong to one another. And that you are to render what is due in obedience and joyful obedience to the commandment of God. We'll stop there this morning, and we'll answer some more of these questions next week. But just remember these three things. Fidelity, that is faithfulness, right? Faithfulness to the Lord. Faithfulness to your spouse. And with this comes a duty, a commandment to fulfill with a holy attitude, and of course, authority that in marriage you can no longer claim a right to yourself. And face it, you never could anyway. There's always going to be something, guys, that makes a claim upon you. But the question becomes, who's making that claim? Or what is making that claim? And do they have a right to do that? And what's your response? And in the case of marriage, your spouse has the right and prerogative to make that claim. And you are to render to them that which is due by faith and with joy and willingness. So with that, let's commit that to the Lord. We'll continue our study next week. Let's pray. Lord, thank you again for your love for us, your care, your guidance, your truth, your wisdom. Lord, we thank you again for this precious gift of marriage and that we would respond to you with obedience, with obedience, obedient hearts and honor it, Lord. To truly treasure this union that we have in marriage that is a reflection of the care You so graciously and abundantly lavish on us. And even though we're moving through this piecemeal and there's so much to bring up, Lord, and I pray that You would help guide us and keep our hearts and minds focused on what Your Word says and humble ourselves before it, Lord. And in so doing, even humble ourselves before one another that this is such a beautiful way of caring for our marriage and caring for and ministering to one another, that we would take it seriously, that we would tend to it regularly with love and with diligence. Lord, to not seek out our own interests, but the interests of our spouses, Lord, that you would be honored in, that our marriages would continue to grow and strengthen and bring honor to you. In all these things we pray, in the name of Jesus, amen.