Open up your Bibles please to Ephesians chapter 6. We're going to be looking at the passage that the Apostle Paul gave us as instruction to the children on how to honor and obey their mom and their dad. So you see our title this morning is Honoring Mom and Dad. And since you men are so privileged, you're not going to get a Father's Day sermon, so you're just going to have to apply this one to your own life as well. We just give the mothers the Mother's Day sermon. Dads, every Sunday is for you. I'd like to read for you the text Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1 through 4. You see our outline, the first three verses to the children. Great type of passage that speaks directly to the children. And then verse 4 speaking to the fathers, but I think also to the parents, both mother and father. Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. This is the first commandment with a promise, that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. And that's it. You know, there's a lot of books that are written on parenting, a lot of books that are written on Christian parenting. But when you come to the Holy Scriptures, you get a relatively brief amount of instruction on parenting. And that sometimes perplexes us. We wonder, why? Why do we only get four verses here on children and parents and the relationship that is there? And I find that the Word of God is amazingly efficient. That instead of writing a giant tome on every subject that might be of interest to us, God instead writes a large book on our relationship with Him. And when our relationship with God gets straightened out, then you're going to find that all of the other relationships in life start to get straightened out as well. So we don't necessarily need volume after volume on Christian parenting, but instead what we need is the Bible that gives us a right relationship with God, that allows us to live in fellowship with God, that allows us to have the Holy Spirit who is going to instruct and guide each one of us. in our own unique situation, in our own unique lives. So we're not just taking rules or principles from people for what's worked for them, but instead we have God himself with us day by day, teaching us, filling us with wisdom to be able to meet the challenges of our unique situation, our unique perspective. Because what worked for some other dad might not work for me. What worked for some other mom might not work for me. Well, certainly wouldn't work for me, but might not work for Jamie. And so we have the all-sufficient Word of God, and Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1-4 does not appear in a vacuum. That is in the context of a whole letter of instruction on how to live the Christian life. And if you're really going to live Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1-4, well then you have to live Ephesians chapter 4 and Ephesians chapter 5. And you can't live Ephesians chapter 4 and chapter 5 unless you really believe and you really know Ephesians chapters 1, 2, and 3. And so what good does it do us on a Sunday morning to jump into a text like this without the fuller context? Well, hopefully, as we have instructed you in the Word of God, as you yourself have grown in your knowledge of Scripture, that you don't come to this text out of isolation of its own context, but that you yourself are able to see and perceive the instruction of God concerning children, concerning parents, in light of all that God has given to us and the tremendous riches that are found in God's Word. People will debate and discuss different parenting models. Some people will criticize this model and promote that model. And I just came up with a short list of different parenting models that I found online. Some of them are conventional. Some of them are more modern. And some of the conventional parenting models have titles like this. The Rules of Traffic Model. That sounds like an interesting approach. The Fine Gardening Model. Very beautiful. Reward and Punishment. A good manly approach towards parenting. And then you have some other more modern parenting models that would include the Nurturant Parent Model versus the Strict Father Model. Doesn't sound very modern to me, but apparently it's on the modern list. And then the attachment parenting, which has been developed by a pediatrician named William Sears. And what we have to be aware of when we're considering this subject of wisdom in parenting is beware of the writing of many books. That's actually in the Bible. The Bible says that the writing of books is endless, but that the words of wisdom that are given to us by God are given by one shepherd. And really I think you have to take with a grain of salt any book on parenting and just continue to go back to the scriptures. How did I become sufficient as a parent? Well, it wasn't because I became an expert in a nurturant parenting model or took some classes from some pediatrician or psychologist, but instead because the Word of God was alive in me. Forming my character. Forming my hopes and my dreams. Forming my deepest beliefs. Forming who I am. And that is what allows us to be the parents that God wants each of us as unique individuals created in the image of God to be. So with that in mind then, we're going to go ahead and jump into the first part of our outline. In Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1 through 3, you see that these verses are directly addressed to the children. And for definition's sake, children, any of you that are not yet adults, who are living on your own, supporting yourself, this is you. And now, those of you that are older children might not like being called children, but the word that is here in the Greek applies to everyone who is yet under their parents' authority. And the instruction that God gives to teenagers, to preteens, to toddlers, is children, obey your parents in the Lord. And the reason for the command to obey, you see we have two commands here and really they are closely related. You can't separate one from the other. Obeying your parents is another way really of saying honor your father and mother as the command is given in verse 2. But the reason for this command here in verse 1 is that it's right. And I think, what a novel idea. Doing something because it's right. You know, people will do things because it works, or people will do things because it's convenient, or people will do things because it's fun. But what about doing something because it's right? What a great concept for children to learn at a young age. Doing things because they're right. And right works. Right doesn't always seem fun right away, but you know what? In the long run, right is the only way to have an enjoyable life. You can go the wrong way and you can have a thrill or a good time, but you know what? There's always consequences. There's always something to be paid. Doing what is right has a tremendous reward. And really that's what is focused on then in the second command, which is quoted from the book of Deuteronomy, the Ten Commandments, also there in Exodus. Honor your father and mother. And when Paul says this is the first commandment with a promise, children, what he's saying is that this is the first of the Ten Commandments, and really the Ten Commandments are the first commandments that God gave to Moses in order to give to the people of Israel. God himself being the one that delivered it in his own voice from Mount Sinai before he wrote it down onto the tablets. The first commandment that God gave that contained a promise was this one. You had other commandments before it, commandments relating to our relationship with God. But here is the first one where God says, if you keep this commandment, there's going to be a reward. Now, God has a reason for everything that he does. It's not that if you keep commandments 1, 2, and 3, there's not a great reward for those also. There obviously is. But for God's own reason and God's own wisdom, this is the first of his commandments that he gave with a promise of reward. And that promise is, quoting from God himself in the Ten Commandments, that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land. Now before we get into all that that entails, let's talk a little bit more about the commands of obedience and honor. Now obedience, what every child wants to hear, you need to obey your mom and your dad. What is obedience? Is obedience when you listen to what your mom and dad have to say and you think, well, what do I think? Does that sound like a good idea or does that sound like a bad idea? Does that sound like something I feel like doing or something I don't feel like doing? And if I feel like doing it, well, then I'm obeying. And if I don't feel like doing it, well, not a big deal. Is that the heart of obedience? No. Obedience is when you're going to do what those in charge say, whether you feel like it or you don't feel like it. Whether it seems right to you or whether it seems like it doesn't make any sense. Obedience is only testing. when it's difficult for us. If it's easy to obey, you're not really obeying. You're really just doing what you want to do. But when it's hard, children, that's when you're going to be tested to find out whether or not you're willing to obey God's command, whether or not you're going to do what is right rather than what feels good or what is convenient or what you think is going to work, but instead doing what is right. That's what you want to build your life upon. Kids, if you build your life based upon what you feel like, if you build your life based upon what you think is going to work, you're going to fail. Because you don't yet have the wisdom that it takes to know all of the consequences of your actions. In fact, you know what? I'm a child too. That I'm a child of God. And I have to obey God, my father, because I'm not mature enough. I'm not wise enough yet to know what all the consequences of my actions are going to be. I might think, oh, if I do this, I bet it'll work. If I do this, it's going to get me what I want. But you know what? I'm often wrong. When I go about doing things and pursuing it because I think it's right, I make a lot of mistakes. And so children, God gave you parents, people who love you, people who care for you, who nourish you, people who would die for you. And God gave you those parents so that you wouldn't just do what you think is right, what you think is going to work, but you're going to do what's actually right and what's actually going to work when you obey your parents. Now, honor is also in the command here. Now, obedience is something that we owe to our parents when we are children. But when we become grown-up, we no longer obey our parents in the same way. And when I became a grown-up, I had to realize that now I'm in charge of making my decisions. Now I'm responsible for making my decisions. And that is part of being a grown-up. But I'll tell you this, children and grown-ups, that honoring your parents is something you never outgrow. Honoring your parents is a lifelong command of God. And we see this throughout the scriptures. God gives instructions to grown children to honor their parents, recognizing that this command doesn't cease when you become an adult. Now, I've come up with some ways that you can honor your parents. And if you're taking notes, children, I encourage you to write these down. Now, I say children, but I'm not just speaking to the young children here, but I'm also speaking to you grown-up children. You might want to write these down as well, just as ways that you can honor your father and your mother in doing what is right. You may not want to honor your father and mother, you might not feel like they deserve honor, but God says, honor your father and mother because it is right. So, number one on ways to honor mom and dad is communication. You honor people when you take your time in order to communicate with them. If you live far from your parents, then you should be the type of person who initiates communication with your parents. You should talk to them. You should listen to them. You could write to them. Send them texts. However you like to communicate, you should communicate with your mom and dad. That's how we honor people in our personal lives. Number two, gifts. Very often, honor is a matter of money. That my name is Timothy, and it means honoring God. And the Bible says that when we honor God, we honor Him with gifts. We come to church and we give money in the offering. We go to charities and we give gifts for the furtherance of God's work in the world. Like what our church is doing today, which I forgot to announce earlier, is that our church has decided that for Mother's Day we'd like to take part of the tithes and the offerings. I don't really like the word tithes. Part of the offerings of what our church family brings together and give a gift to the pregnancy center in Lincoln. So that we're honoring motherhood by giving a $500 gift to the Pregnancy Center. Now, we don't have to do that. You guys could give that gift to the Pregnancy Center yourself. It's not like we have to get together in order to give gifts. You guys can give charity wherever you want to give charity. But we do it because we're a family. and families give charity out of what they have in common. And so what we have in common are the gifts that come into the church through the offering and we like to take that and show an example to the flock of the type of ministries that we as the elders, we as the shepherds of this congregation see as worthy of our love and support and honor through a financial gift. Now your parents might not stand in need of a financial gift, but When you spend money on something that shows your love and respect, it's a way to honor your parents. So giving of gifts is a great way to honor people. And we all know that. We all know that for birthdays. We all know that for Christmas. Children, don't just be the type of people who want gifts. Be the type of people who give gifts. And some of you are very good at that. Number three, praise. One of the best ways to honor people is to praise them. To tell other people about how great your mom and dad are. Each one of these ways to honor also has an opposite. A way to dishonor your father and mother. And one way to dishonor your father and mother would be to talk bad about them to your friends. Talk bad about them to your classmates or your co-workers. If you're talking bad about your parents, then you're dishonoring them, and you're doing the opposite of what God wants you to do. So God doesn't want you to just be quiet and not talk about your parents, but he wants you to do what is good. Not just not do what is evil, he wants you to do the positive good, and that is to praise your parents. To talk about the good qualities, to talk about what is admirable in your mom and dad. Now, some mom and dads are better than others. Some moms and dads are harder to find things to praise. But every person who's created in the image of God has something praiseworthy about them. And your goal is to do what is right. And to honor your father and mother by praising them. Not only to them, but also to others. If my children praise me, sometimes I think they're just buttering me up for something. But if they're praising me to somebody else, then I know that they're really meaning it. Number four is prayers and thanksgiving. We honor people, showing our love for them, showing our concern for them, not only with our money, but with our time. And the most precious use of time that we have is the offering of prayers and the giving of thanks. The time that we spend communicating with God, we honor our parents by including them in that time. Number five, respecting their stuff. You can't respect your mom and dad. You can't honor them and then treat their things with neglect and contempt. You trash their stuff. That's a way of showing dishonor. But when you respect their things, you don't take what is theirs and steal it. You don't abuse or break things that they have. But instead, you respect them and honor them by respecting their things. And then number six, caring for them when they are elderly. This one I actually have a Bible verse to go with. Matthew chapter 15 verses 3 through 6. Jesus Christ there in Matthew 15, 3 through 6 talks about how this command to honor your father and mother carries with it inside this command is the implication that we have to support our parents when they are too old to support themselves. We have to care for them financially, physically, according to their mental needs, according to their spiritual needs, according to their financial needs. And if you have a father or mother and they have no one to talk to, and they have no friends and they're lonely, that's on you. That is your responsibility to care for your elderly parents. If they're lonely, God says you are not honoring your father and your mother. I think those are great ways for us to keep in mind how to honor our Father and Mother. And as we think about obeying this command, because it's right, we also then want to focus in on the reward that God promised both in Deuteronomy and in Exodus that is repeated for us here in the New Testament. Many things that are in the Old Testament are not repeated for us, but this one is repeated. God draws special attention to this. And the promise is that it may go well with you, and that you may live long in the land. Now, some of you are old enough to remember the way that this was stated by a fictional character in a science fiction show. And he said, live long and prosper. And so, you know, Gene Roddenberry didn't come up with live long and prosper, but instead, this was, of course, given by God. That God is the one who says, if you want to live long, and if you want to have a life that is full of blessings, a life that is prosperous in the truest sense of the word, then you need to honor your father and your mother. Now, this should be obvious enough, but for some reason we need to have it pointed out to us how it is that if we obey our parents, and if we honor them, that it will lead to a life that is blessed. It will lead to a life that is long. Now, when we think about a promise like this, what you have to recognize is that this promise is given in a context. And the context is, as far as you have control. Because there are many things that can destroy our life, either taking away our lifespan or making the span of our life miserable, that are outside of our control. There's many things that are outside of your control. Things that other people do. Things that viruses do. There's things that are beyond your control. But as far as your life is in your control, the best thing that you can do to ensure that you have a happy and long life is to obey your parents. To honor them. How so? How is the best thing that you can do to ensure that you have a long and happy life is to obey your mom and dad? God must know what he's talking about. If it doesn't seem obvious at first glance, well, let me elucidate for you. What are the types of things that parents tell their children? Go to bed on time. Eat healthy. If you obey those two things, You're going to go a long way in living longer and having a prosperous life. Just those two simple things go a long way towards a happy, healthy life. And yet children think, oh, mom and dad, they just don't want me to have any fun. I got to stay up late at night and I got to play my video games and I got to eat my junk food and go to my fast food restaurant and I got to do all this stuff that feels good at the moment. You know what? It doesn't feel good. when you're diseased. It doesn't feel good when you're in the hospital. The CDC, the Center for Disease Control, says that 50% of early deaths are preventable. If we would just follow mom's and dad's advice, we would see that most of what is killing us and landing us in the hospital was easily avoided. If we just would have obeyed mom. If we just would have honored her. And these little things. Like getting up on time, getting enough sleep, eating well, getting some exercise. Now, not only these types of things, but what other types of things do parents tell their children? Don't drink. Don't drink alcohol. Don't do drugs. Don't smoke. Be careful with the friends that you choose. Don't hang out with irresponsible people. Don't have premarital sex. And dads tell their girls, watch out for the boys that don't have pure intentions towards you. If you would just listen to mom and dad, you'll have a happy and long life. We've got some statistics that I'd like to share with you on that subject. Here is an interesting one. This is the chance of divorce after five years of marriage, charted along with how many premarital sexual partners you've had before marriage. Mom says, Dad says, don't have sex until marriage. Wait until marriage. Ah, old-fashioned mom and dad. What do they know what they're talking about? Well, if you have zero partners before you get married, you marry as a virgin, have a 5% chance of divorce after five years of marriage. If you have just one premarital sex partner, your rate goes up to about 20%. 5% versus 20%. That's a huge jump. And you keep going and the numbers do what they do for various reasons. But you get down to 10 plus partners and you're over 30% chance of divorce in your first five years of marriage. Just listen to mom and dad. They know what they're talking about. If you want to have a happy life, and I tell you, there's nothing that makes life more miserable than a bad marriage. I'm not speaking from experience. from what I hear. There's some interesting stats on just one area where we need to listen to mom and dad. Now, my kids and I, we drove by the state penitentiary a while ago and I pointed out to them, I said, you know who lives there? Those are the people who never learned to respect mom and dad. Those are the people who never learned to obey mom and dad. They didn't learn to obey mom and dad and they didn't learn to obey the police officer either. And eventually you have to learn to obey. Hopefully that's what some of them are learning. Hurtful relationships, drug overdoses and addictions, drunk driving accidents like that which took the life of Todd Becker, early death from sexually transmitted diseases or unhealthy lifestyles. These are all things that are preventable if you will just listen and honor your mom. Listen to her and honor her. Now let's talk then a little bit about parents in the five minutes that we have left. And what the instruction is for parents there in verse 4, and particularly this is for you mothers, even though it says fathers. In Greek very often the masculine gender is used to speak to a mixed gender group, because that's the way grammar worked for thousands of years until recently. So he says fathers, and I think also you notice in the fact that it's addressed to fathers, that the father can't just say, well, you know, child raising, that's the woman's job. She's the one that's home with the kids all day, and I gotta go work, and so she's the one that is in charge of the kids. Now, hold on there. You, Dad, are the one who is in charge of the kids, and the wife is the one that's helping you. The wife is the one who is your helpmate. And she spends the most time, she has the most influence with the kids. But fathers, you cannot pass on your responsibility. And I think that's also why you have fathers here rather than mothers. But mothers are also included in this instruction. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. So first we have the negative command. Don't provoke them to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Now, Ephesians and Colossians are parallel letters. They're called sister epistles. And so many of the same practical instructions that we have here in the second half of Ephesians, you also have a nearly complete parallel in Paul's letter to the Colossians. And so we have a section in Colossians also about the husband and the wife, about the children and the parents, followed by slaves and masters. And in the parallel passage in Colossians chapter 3, Paul says that parents should not exasperate their children. which has the idea of discouraging them, making them lose heart. Now, what is it that would cause us to discourage our children, to make them lose heart, or to make them angry? Well, it's not serving them broccoli. You know, that's not what we're talking about here. Or disciplining them in any way. Actually, children respect and honor parents who discipline them and make rules that are designed for their good. But when you abuse your authority, When you say, well, you know, this is my household. I'm in charge and everything has to be the way that I want it so that I'm comfortable and I'm happy. Well, children are smart. They can recognize when somebody is using their authority to promote their own selfish interests. And children, you know, may not know as much. They haven't had as much experience, but they're smart. They can see selfishness. And if a dad or a mom is using their authority for their own personal gain, that will cause their children to become discouraged, disheartened, exasperated, and make them angry at the injustice that is being exemplified in the home. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but instead, what are we supposed to do? We're supposed to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Our discipline, the raising, the training of children, Paideia. And Paideia is a word that is referring the whole process from infancy up through the teenage years until somebody is a mature adult of forming character and training that young person to do what is right in their life. And we have a perfect example of just this type of thing in God our Heavenly Father. I began the sermon by talking about why is it that we only have a few verses here on parenting, when really the whole Bible is about parenting. Because God is the perfect parent. And how does God teach us parenting? Well by example. Of course the best way to teach anything is by example. So you go through the scriptures and you find how did God act as a father toward the children of Israel? Then that's what I want to do towards my children. How does God the Father act towards his son Jesus Christ? Well, that's an example of a good father, a good dad. I want to do what he did. I want to be like him. How does God act as a father to the church? Well, that's what I want to do as a father to my children. So God teaches us parenting as a parent. Mothers, look to God. Look to His example. Though we refer to God in the masculine pronoun, God does not have a gender. He's not having chromosomes like we do and has no physical characteristics of gender. But you, created in the image of God in unique ways distinct from your husband, You exemplify the character and the image of God in marvelous ways. And you want to learn from God's tender care, His compassion, His mercy. All those character quality traits of God that are manifest in the woman. that he is a perfect example of a mother as well as a perfect example as a father. So you learn about being a mother as you learn about the character and nature of God. How did he act showing that compassion and that care. I want to be careful not to go too far into controversial gender ideas but I think you get what I'm trying to say. Bringing them up, raising them up is an idea that I think is really well explained in a parallel passage in the book of Hebrews. Come with me to Hebrews chapter 12. In Hebrews chapter 12 we have the closest parallel to the instruction of Ephesians chapter 6 verses 1-4 and Colossians chapter 3 verse 21 where we have the same instruction in a little different wording. But the writer of Hebrews speaks about the discipline, the training that God gives to His children in light of the difficulties that this group of Hebrew Christians is enduring, the persecutions that they are facing as part of God's sovereign plan and growing them up as Christians and maturing them in their faith. But everything that God does in your life is designed to make you a mature Christian. And so as parents, everything that we do with our children is designed to make them mature Christians. That's our goal as well. I'm going to start the reading there in Hebrews chapter 12 verse 3, where it says, Consider Jesus, him, who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or faint-hearted. In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood. Now what's the enemy of the person, whether you're talking about a child or whether you're talking about a grown-up? Sin. Sin is the enemy. That's what we are trying to shepherd away from. And you have forgotten the exhortation that is addressed to you as sons. My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by Him. Children, sometimes you regard lightly the discipline that your parents bring into your life. Sometimes do you say, I'm weary. I just give up. It's too hard. Notice what it says. The Lord disciplines the one that He loves, and chastises every son whom He receives. There's a natural affection that parents have for their children, so that even unbelieving parents have the good of their child at heart most of the time. Verse 7 continues, It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. A father who doesn't care whether or not his children are wise or foolish, a father who doesn't care whether or not his children do right or do wrong, is no real father. Besides this, verse 9, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us. That's the same word. This word discipline throughout here is the same word that we have in Ephesians when it says bring them up in the discipline of the Lord. So we see how the Lord disciplines His children and how does He do it? He does it with just the right amount of firmness. He's not overly harsh or severe, nor is He underly harsh or severe, but He is just as severe as He needs to be to get our attention and to straighten us out. He is patient. He gives us time. He is kind. He will not let us persevere in the wrong way, though. He will do what is in His power to turn us around. We had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us, same word, discipline, paideo. They disciplined us for a short time, as seemed best to them. But He disciplines us for our good, that we may share His holiness. Mothers, what is your passion for your children? Yeah, we want them to live long and prosper, we do. But there is no real prospering without holiness. Your passion for your children is not that they be happy, happy, happy all the time. Your passion for your children is that they be holy. That's God's passion for his children. It's the passion of every wise parent for her child. We discipline them so that they might share God's holiness. And notice what it says, for the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant. That's why we have to put holiness above happiness because in the pursuit of holiness we find pain. It's not pleasant. But later, later, notice that. It yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. We nourish our children. We discipline them with the same kind of discipline that we see the Lord doing in our own lives. He trains us and we train our children. Well, there's much more, obviously, that we could say on child raising according to the scriptures. There's a whole book full of instruction here for us. And it is all that we need. I'm not saying there's not a time and a place for Christian classes and discussion groups on parenting. But if you don't know this, If you haven't memorized this, if you haven't studied this, if you haven't lived this, going to classes is not going to help you. You're going to make mistakes. You're going to get tripped up. There'll be things that you weren't prepared for, that the class didn't give you the answer for, that might have worked for somebody else, but it doesn't work in your situation, and you're not going to have the wisdom to know the difference because you haven't received the instruction of the Lord. What you need is the Word of God living in your heart, living in your life, forming you, creating in you the wisdom to be the mother that God wants you to be. There's no substitute for knowing God and being filled with His Spirit. This is the book that will allow you to know God and be filled with His Spirit.