All right, let's get this evening started off with some prayers, shall we? Let's pray. Dear Heavenly Father, we praise you and thank you for this evening. We praise you and thank you for the time of fellowship that has already been had. I pray that your people have been edified by it. They have been built up in a community of believers that are lifting each other up and encouraging one another and stimulating one another to love and good deeds for the glory of your great name. Lord, I pray for this study, this lesson that we continue on with regards to parenting. I pray, Lord, that you are glorified in everything that is said and done, that your people are edified by it, that we stick to what your word has to say with regards to the duties of parents, Lord. And even I feel a certain inadequacy in it. My experience in it, it is small indeed, Lord. But we look to Your Scriptures to be for us the thing that equips us for every good work. So equip us by Your Word to do the good work of parenting that You have set us on this earth to do with regards to our children. Again, may your word be a light and guidance to us, to teach us, to approve us, to correct us, to train us up in all righteousness, and especially in this area of our lives. I pray that families are blessed by it. I pray that you are honored and glorified in this study as well. We love you, Lord. All praise and all honor and all glory go to you and to your great name. We pray this all in Christ's name. Amen. All right, I have a, what's going on? Huh? You need me to use the lapel? Oh, OK. I guess I can't overcome the rain. It's about to get really loud. We are continuing on in our series with regards to parenting the past two Wednesdays Traver has led us through one aspect of parenting and that being family worship. Of course that is not strictly restricted to families If you are single you should be doing some form of family worship if you are married without children You should be doing some form of family worship or devotion to with one another, but tonight we are going to be focusing on parenting, and the title of the lesson tonight is Parenting, colon, the Parents. Parenting, colon, the Parents. The grammatical usage of colon, of course. Parenting, colon, the Parents. The parents. Now the reason I would state it that way, or I am directing this towards the parents, is before we get to what we got to do with our kiddos, we probably ought to deal with the primary agents in this endeavor. That would be the parents. parents doing an internal critique of themselves to see that they are prepared or have the qualifications it takes to perform the task well. That internal critique is incredibly vital in this situation, really in all of life. We see our Lord in Luke chapter 14 using a proverb kind of to this point. He is referring in specific instance to discipleship, the cost of discipleship unto Him. But he uses this proverb that provides a broader aspect of wisdom. And I think we can apply that here. Luke chapter 14 verses 28 through 31 says this, and I'm sure many of you are familiar with it. It says, for which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it. So what is he doing? He is pausing before he enters into an endeavor, doing an internal critique of what he has to make sure that he can do or perform the task that he is going into. Building the tower in this particular instance. If he fails to do that, if he fails to wisely uptake or take on that task of doing that eternal critique, foolishness ensues. Verse 29, otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him. They are verbally dismissive of him. They dismiss his actions. They observe it and they begin to ridicule him, verse 30 saying, this man began to build and was not able to finish. He failed to do that necessary internal critique before endeavoring on the task that he was going into. Verse 31, it's another proverb, much the same thing. It says, or what King, when he sets out to meet another King in battle, will not first sit down and consider whether he is strong enough with 10,000 men to encounter the one coming against him with 20,000. Again, doing that critique of what he has in his military. Can he take on 20,000 with his 10,000? Does he have enough archers? Does he have enough chariots? to take on the task of dealing with his 20,000. Before he enters into battle, he seeks to do, again, that internal critique to see that he has what it takes, the materials he needs in order to complete the task well. So before we begin to look at the task of parenting our kids, let's look at the materials that we need as parents to complete the task well. All right. First question is, what is the task? What is the task? Well, it's parenting. Okay. Dig a little bit deeper. Quite literally parenting is bringing forth or bringing up, bringing them up. Okay. As parents, as if you are biological parents of children, you have brought forth the smallest element of a society. A child. Now, The task of parenting is to bring the smallest element of society that you have, that is in your custody, in your care, bring that smallest element of society up to a properly functioning element of society in the world God made and under the lordship of Christ. That's your goal. That is your task. Now what do we need for that task? What are the materials that we are going to need for this battle ahead of raising children, of bringing them up? Well, it is found in the words that we will often pray together. If you've spent time with us up in the upper room, this phrase will be said nearly every single Sunday. We are praying for our ability to do what Paul says in Ephesians 6, 4, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Those are the materials necessary for the task. That's it. It's that simple. Lesson done. Take that home with you. I'm kidding. Now if those are the necessary materials for the task of bringing them up, it seems like it is incumbent on us as parents to possess those materials. If you are entering into the task of parenting, or if you are already a parent, you need those materials. In other words, if we are to parent well, We must, it's not an option, if we are to parent well, we must live under the banner of the Lordship of Jesus Christ. In other words, the discipline and instruction of the Lord that we are to impart on our children, we must live under it as well. We have to. It is a must. It is a necessity. We must display a life under the Lordship of Jesus Christ to our children. Now within the framework of what constitutes the family, the greatest display of our living under the Lordship of Jesus Christ will happen between a husband and a wife. The greatest display of whether or not we are submitting to the Lordship of Jesus Christ will happen in and through our marriages. This is true to the point that if our marriages do not display the Lordship of Jesus Christ in them, then you will, we will not parent well. We will fail the task. We will be the tower builder who has made the foundation and yet no longer has the materials to move forward. And we are the object of ridicule. And that ridicule will come from our children. If you do not display the Lordship of Jesus Christ in your marriage, through your marriage, you will not parent well. And I'm not saying that if you don't live under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, you know, things might be a little more difficult in how you're dealing with your children. I'm not saying that, you know, maybe your kids will be a little more rowdy or rebellious, or as Ken often likes to bring up, one of the signs of a dysfunctional home is the kid continues to wet the bed. There's been studies on that. Ken likes to bring that up from time to time when he's talking about parenting. And I'm not talking about that though. Those things may be happening. Those things may happen to you. Those things may be true, but the greatest danger in having a marriage that does not display the Lordship of Jesus Christ, is that the example of such a marriage paves the path for our children to hell. I'm not hyperbolic in that. If your marriage does not display the Lordship of Jesus Christ, the greatest danger that there is in that is that the example of such a marriage paves the path for our children to hell. I submit to you that the example that we lay for our children Overall, not just in our marriage, but the examples that we lay down for our children will have the greatest weight upon the government of their soul. Their mind, their wills, their affections will be shaped more by your example than our words. Think about that. Think about the reasoning abilities within our own children. When is that fully developed within the mind of a child? It takes a long time. I've heard studies of up to 25 years old. So when they are outside of your home, presumably, that is finally when their reasoning skills or their brain has developed enough to complete their reasoning skills. Till then, the greatest thing that will mold and shape them will be your example, will be our example. Again, far more than word than the words that we say. Fathers, husbands, if we, with our lips, speak to our boys about the lordship of Jesus Christ. We declare the gospel of Jesus Christ to them and ask that they confess Jesus Christ as Lord if we speak to them about these things. Yet within our home are heartless and cruel and unloving to our wives instead of loving them as the one we call Lord loves His church. Our words will be dismissed. Our words will be ridiculed and our example will be followed. The example of that cruelty, the example of the heartlessness, the example of unlovingness towards other, that example that has been set forth for them will be followed. The words themselves will be ridiculed. And what goes by the wayside in that. is the Lordship of Jesus Christ. You've declared it to your children. We've declared it to our children. Let us live it out. The same thing for mothers and wives. If you speak of the Lordship of Jesus Christ to your daughters, yet are domineering, backbiting, and disrespectful towards your husband, instead of being subject to him just as the one whom you call Lord, your words will be dismissed, your words will be ridiculed, and your example will be followed. And again, within your daughters, what goes by the wayside? is submitting to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. If the task of bringing up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, that is our task. Yet our marriages fail to display the Lordship of Jesus Christ, then again, it is impossible. It is impossible to complete the task successfully. Not harder, it is impossible. That is the first and most important qualification of a good parent. In the hierarchy of things, I'm gonna be talking about some other things, I'm not gonna rank them, but this one coming first, it is the most important qualification of a good parent. If that has not been your marriage, if our marriages have not been displaying the Lordship of Jesus Christ as they should, there's good news in that there is time for redemption. If you now Take that stand and seek to submit your marriage to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Husbands loving your wives as you should. Wives subjecting yourself to your husband as you should. Respecting your husband as you should. Great redemption can come through that. Maybe you have kids in their teenage years or are getting on up there that have not yet seen that example within your household. I guarantee you, if you shift that, they will notice. And your actions within your marriage will mightily declare the gospel of Jesus Christ to them. And will be the greatest weapon that you can use in parenting your child. Don't do it just to parent your child. Don't start acting it out just so it'll go well with your kids. Do it because Christ is worthy. Christ is worthy of us submitting our marriages to His Lordship. Now, That, again, is the first and most important qualification of a good parent, one who subjects their marriage to the lordship of Jesus Christ. We'll run through some other things as well as far as qualifications of a good parent. I forgot that we were doing our music lesson this evening, so I'm going to have to kind of rush through this just a little bit, but bear with me. If there's anything you want expounded on, we'll continue this series on and just let me know. We'll rock and roll with it, okay? I am using, by the way, a book that I have recommended many times, especially to the men. It is a book by John A. James. It is entitled, A Help to Domestic Happiness. A Help to Domestic Happiness by John A. James. James, and this is from his section on the duties of parents. So some of the qualifications that he lists, I'm going to list here, not all of them, but most of them for sure. One of the qualifications of a good parent is that that parent has a grasp of their personal religion. Parents should have a firm grasp of their personal religion. Remember again, the task is to bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. If we are to impart that discipline and instruction of the Lord to them, again, we must know the discipline and instruction of the Lord. It must be within our possession. We must know it in order to impart it. How are you going to teach your children? How are we going to do that if we don't know the thing that we are teaching them? We're bumbling fools at that point. We must know the discipline and instruction of the Lord in order to impart the discipline and instruction of the Lord to our children And I think that point is somewhat displayed in a passage again that we know quite well in Deuteronomy chapter 6 the Shema Right many of y'all know that starting at verse 4 here. Oh Israel. The Lord is our God The Lord is one you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind Following that up, God commands, these words which I am commanding you today shall be on your heart. That's step one. Whose heart do they belong on first and foremost? Ours. These words which I'm commanding you today shall be on your heart. That must happen before step two comes. In verse seven, you shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up in order to teach them diligently, they must be on your part. One comes before the other. You got to know it before you teach it. They got to be in your heart. before you can diligently teach them and declare them to your children. Also, our children must see that that religion makes us distinct from the world. We are in the world, not of the world. Our religion makes us distinct, and our children must know that. Must see it. It must be visible within your household. It must be a hallmark within our homes that the world sees it. And especially our children see and know it. That's also displayed in this passage moving on into verses 8 and 9 It says you shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be on as shall be as frontals on your forehead verse 9 you shall write them on your doorposts on the doorposts of your house and On your gates it is seen it is out there. It is visible It is known by your children. It is known by others around you That you are distinct I'm but a stranger here. Heaven is my home. We declare that to the world. We should be declaring it also to our children. Our children should see and know our distinctiveness from the world. We have such a grasp of our personal religion that that is noticed by our children. The next qualification John A. James mentions is the ability to govern our temperaments. Whoo, that's tough. That's gotta be the toughest one, I think, for me. That's tough. I mean, we're dealing with little balls of ignorance and sin within our home. They're obstinate. They're tough to deal with. They are little sinners. See, thank you. I could not have planned that better for my own time. They do and they will provoke our tempers and greatly test our patience. We must, we have to, we must deal with or learn to deal with our passions. Govern our passions for those moments. We have to govern our passions. Our ability to govern our passions in those times, our ability to govern our temperaments when our patience is tested, when our tempers are provoked, our ability to govern that will become our children's ability to govern that as well. I'm pulling a quote from that book. John says, a passionate mother or father is like a fury. In other words, one who cannot govern their passions appropriately. A passionate mother or father is like a fury with a scepter in one hand and a fire brand in the other. And when the king is a fury, the subjects are likely to be furies too. See if you can identify with this. If you have kids, See if you can identify with this. For nothing is more contagious than bad temper. Husbands with wives, wives with husbands, parents to children. Nothing is more contagious than bad temper. And boy, you see that at the strangest and oddest moments, don't we? Sitting in my office, I can hear JD with the exact tone that I use with him, hollering at his brother. Boy, if that does not cut a parent deep. Recognizing I have done that to him, I instilled that into him. That is my fault. I have not adequately equipped him to govern his passions and his temper correctly. I've got to do damage control now. That's not a position that I want to be in. I need to do a better job of governing my temperament, governing my passions. Again, there's no doubt that we will fail to govern our temper appropriately all the time. We know it. The flesh will well up and it will lash out. But when that happens, it will present to us another opportunity to govern our passions and correct the mismanagement of it. When we notice it, it needs to be corrected. It needs to be handled. Them governing their passions will be dictated in how you handle the lack of governance in your passions as well. For instance, Traver brought up in his family worship time, one of the things that they do is have a time of repentance. And if throughout that day, we have seen ourselves with a lack of governance of our passions and, and losing our tempers with our children. Hey, there you go. There's a perfect time to handle that and adjust your child's own governance of their temperaments as well, their passions as well. I would suggest not waiting Now, if it comes to mind at family worship, you know, do it. But when it happens, adjust and correct. Note to your children, I have sinned against you in this. Please forgive me. If they see you governing your passions in that way, what an effect that will have on our children. govern, the ability to govern our temperaments, an excellent quality of a good parent. The next one listed is the habit of discrimination or discernment. Now this one is referring to the ability to discern the character and motives of others, specifically with regards to our children. And there's an easy example for that is is considering the way that our children act as to whether it is rebellion or it is just being an overly exuberant child. The example that immediately comes to mind is we've told our kids not to run around in the hallway or in here through the church or whatever. Dollars to donuts. they will be running right after this service, through the hallways. Dollars, doughnuts, I guarantee you, it will happen. But I have to discern, I have to have the ability to discern whether or not what they are doing is an outright act of rebellion or a release of energy by rambunctious little boys. And based on that, that will determine the level of discipline that will be necessary to handle the situation. Parents need, we must have a habit of discrimination or discernment with regards to our children. The next one is having a kindness of manner, a kindness of manner. A little over a month ago, I emailed up a video, uh, kind of addressing this, uh, after looking at some Proverbs, uh, specifically in Proverbs chapter 15, I'll read them real quick. It's Proverbs 15, one, two, and four. It says a gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise makes knowledge acceptable, but the mouth of fools spouts folly. Verse four, a soothing tongue is a tree of life, but perversion in it crushes the spirit. It is a benefit to a parent to render themselves pleasant to their children. Again, a soothing should be a pleasant. A soothing tongue is a tree of life. The pleasantness with which our children see us in it is done by the influence of love and kindness towards our children. Either we will have that soothing tongue that is a tree of life to them or We will be cold, harsh, wrathful in our tongue, in our speaking with them, in our dealings with them. And that will drive them away from our instruction and influence. There's a season where that discipline needs to come down quite harshly. But our overall discipline or our overall demeanor in disciplining them should be held in a manner of kindness so that our instruction is with that soothing tongue and it will be to them a tree of life. The next quality is a quality of firmness, a quality of firmness. This is controlling our own feelings and passions with regards to indulging our children or disciplining our children. This is kind of along the lines of the scriptural admonition to let your yes be yes and your no be no. And having a firmness about us as parents to let our yes be yes and our no be no. If you promise, if we promise discipline for a certain action, be sure that you have the ability and firmness necessary to enact that discipline. Don't say that this discipline will come under certain situations and that situation comes and discipline does not happen. Boy, my kids are such examples today, aren't they? Don't promise discipline that you cannot deliver. Let your yes be yes and your no be no. Be firm in that. A lack of firmness will no doubt produce an overindulgent and self-willed child. And finally, we'll spend a little more time on this one. A quality of extensive knowledge. A quality of extensive knowledge. It is our responsibility as parents to manage or superintend the knowledge of our children. It is our responsibility to direct their studies. It is our responsibility to teach them. It is our responsibility to answer the questions that they have about this world. It is our responsibility to correct their mistakes. And what is necessary for that is knowledge. It takes extensive levels of knowledge on our part. Knowledge about how the world works. Knowledge about the studies that they will be entering into. Knowledge about the problems that they, as kids, will be dealing with. As parents, we are, by nature, leaders. And where you find a good leader, you will have also found a good reader. Or one who is good at gaining such knowledge. We are seeking to have our children think the thoughts after us in as much as we think our thoughts after Christ Jesus. Be ready in his word, be knowledgeable about his word. This goes along the lines of the personal religion aspect of it as well. Parents should be good readers, especially with things regarding our children. However, The knowledge that I am referring to here is not exclusively book knowledge. Women, wives, mothers, it is necessary for you to have extensive knowledge of what it is to be a godly woman. If that is something that we are to, or you are to impart to your daughters, it is incumbent upon you to have extensive knowledge of what it is to be a godly woman, a godly wife, a godly mother. It is your responsibility to pass that knowledge on to your daughters. The same thing for men. men, husbands, fathers, it is necessary for us to have extensive knowledge of what it is to be a godly man, a godly husband, a godly father. And we must pass that down to our sons. And this will have a crisscross effect on our children as well. A godly mother will be a template for her son in the type of woman that he pursues. The same thing for the man, a godly father will be a template for his daughter in the type of man that she wants to marry. Now, one of the biggest helps for this type of knowledge, in my opinion, not really my opinion, I believe it's the church. One of the biggest helps that we have as parents for helps in this type of knowledge is the church. Titus 2 gives us the model. Older women teaching younger women to act as women. Titus, an older man, instructing or urging younger men to act as men. If that's for Titus to do, it's for older men within the church to do. Urge men to act as men. Women, urge women to act as women. to pursue being a godly woman, wife or wife and mother. Men pursue being a godly man, husband, father. Ladies, maybe you're not the best housekeeper. It's fine. You have a community here of housekeepers. Housekeepers in your midst. that you can lean on and learn from. Learn from them and teach your daughters to do the same. The same thing for men. Men, maybe you're not the handiest dude in the world. Lean on the church community of men who are handy and teach your sons to do the same thing. Maybe you don't have all the extensive knowledge. That's why we live in this community. That's why we are a church. It's why we covenant together to stimulate one another, to love and good deeds in all of these areas to the glory of God. That was the last qualification, but maybe the last qualification should be the quality of being a good churchman or church woman existing in the church. Well, older women helping the younger women, older men helping the younger men to grow into the godly men and women that they need to be. Parents, work on these qualities. Before we get into the tips of what my curfew should be for my children or whatever, why does that matter? It can matter in the little things, but if we are not submitting our households to the Lordship of Jesus Christ, it doesn't matter the curfew that you place on your children. You can place any number of curfews on them. They can stay in your house from sunup to sundown and sundown to sunup and never leave. You can cage them into your home and they only have your influence. But if it is not under the Lordship of Jesus Christ, It is sending them to hell. Submit it all to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. Your marriage, the way that you parent, the knowledge that you have, all of it under His Lordship. Amen? Any questions, comments? This is kind of lesson material that we're presenting here, so we opened it up for questions. Yeah, so in saying cross pollinating that my immediate reaction kind of goes against what you were you were saying they are They're not bold enough to kind of come out and say that and present, you know, I'm weak in this area At some point we got to swallow our pride in that and ask for help, right? but if there are other men within the church that see the need and They can do something. I think one of the fastest growing segments on YouTube at one point in time was these dads teaching things about being men or boys, like changing your tires or changing your brakes or something like that, doing handy stuff, doing things that men would normally do. It's one of the fastest growing segments on YouTube. Why? Presumably because that has been lacking in generations. So somebody saw the need and somebody did something and presented it to others. We can do that within the church some way, somehow. How that's organized, the logistics of all of that, that can be planned out on an individual level or through the elders or through the deacons, whatever. But yeah, that's great. If you see it, if you see something, say something, right? If you see the issue, let's deal with the issue and seek to stimulate one another to love and be deep. As far as somebody coming and admonishing for something that they see missing or... I would say part of the way that you would overcome the attitude is the person presenting that first off. We are to Let our words be with grace as those seasoned with salt. They need to be savory to the hearer. So if you are coming and admonishing somebody for some lapse in parenting or something that you've noticed, make the words savory, first of all. And then, other than encouraging a humility and reception to those things, That's the main thing that I would see would be necessary for the person receiving it, is receiving it in humility. Andy, if you're angry about something, let's talk, man. Yeah. But in this church, I think we do a great job. I think if you know, if somebody was like, hey, your kid just ran into my car in the dark and I almost hit him in the car, you know, well, I can't believe you almost hit my kid. You know, we're gonna go and correct our child and be like, Ms. Michelle loves you and that's why she picked up, told me you ran into her in the car, because we know in the culture of the church that the parents here, they love our children and they are praying for them. Yeah, that's a great point and I'm glad that that's at least noticed that that has been a culture that's been cultivated within Grace Chapel that we can handle those things with with grace. Yeah, in the reception of it, I mean to that example, Realize I can't keep my eyes if you have seven children I can't keep my eyes on all the kids at all times and Living in this community that we do have in this community that we do I certainly appreciate more eyeballs on my kids to kind of help make sure that they're not crushed to death by a car outside Having the the humility to know that I can't I'm not omnipresent. I can't be at all places at all time. I appreciate the fact that others within our church can help out in that area. Yeah. Great point. And, um, that's applicable to, uh, marriages where one of those spouses is an unbeliever, or even if, um, you're a single parent for some reason or another, it all comes down really to the same thing, submitting yourself to the Lordship of Jesus Christ within the situation that most of us find ourselves in within this church. If you hear your parents of your own children, you have your mother, the mother and the father within that framework. So you exist as a family within that framework, live under the Lordship of Jesus Christ in that framework. If the framework shifts and it is a unbeliever and a believer together, it is incumbent upon the believer to live under the Lordship of Jesus Christ and their holiness in that. has a strong chance of being distributed to their children as well, and hopefully even to their spouse. Living faithful under the lordship of Jesus Christ helps that out tremendously. I have one additional thought. It would be the tempering of emotions that James mentions in the will. We always think that God takes anger, and that is generally the emotion we see. But I think we also have to be aware of things like what they see too easily offended by, or things that are going to easily offend them. If they see their parent possibly playing the victim, they're going to possibly play the victim. I had an experience this week that one of my children was sad about something that, like, They were sharing the usual sadness that I shared. We were sad about the same thing, but I was exaggerating myself about whether or not I explained to them this is something to be sad about, or how if I hadn't handled my sadness about this particular thing. So sadness to things that devastate us are gonna, they're gonna learn to be sad and devastated about most things. So while anger is, Yeah, I would extend that even further. That's a great point. Depression, sadness, any level of passion that we display will be used by our children as an example to this. And that, again, will govern their soul, will govern their mind, will, and affections. Even what we are excited about. If things of this world seem more exciting or make us more excitable, our kids will notice that. The what? Your excitement of the Lord's Day. Absolutely. Absolutely. Great point. All right, well, let's wrap it up. clean everything up after our final song. I'll pray real quick. And remember, we have song practice about 10 minutes afterwards, right? All right, let's pray. Heavenly Father, we praise you and thank you once again for your word. We thank you for its light and guidance to us. Lord, I pray that it indeed will be to us a lamp unto our feet, a light unto our path, will guide us in all things, especially in our marriages, in the realm of our parenting, how we handle our children. Lord, stir within our spirits the eagerness to submit all things to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. And may we not do it just for healthy marriages. May we not do it to have kids that are good or have great character. May we do it because you are worthy. May we do it out of a grateful and thankful heart that is eager to be obedient unto the one who has redeemed us. May we do it for your glory and for your honor. Lord, I pray that your people were edified today, and I certainly pray that you were glorified in it. We love you, Lord. All praise, all honor, all glory go to you and to your name. We pray all of this in the name of our Lord and Savior, Christ Jesus. Amen.