And the advice that they are given is the equivalent of trying to shoot down a lion using a pea gun. In other words, the kind of little gun that children fire at each other. It's not meant to harm them. It's meant to just enable them to play, to enjoy their time together. And I've never forgotten one particular case. In fact, it's since ended up in divorce. And I was listening to the man sharing with me. The woman wasn't there on that occasion. The man was sharing with me the kind of problems that they had been going through. And the more I listened, the more I could tell that the issue of sin needed to be addressed. So anyway, I finally asked this gentleman, have you shared this with your pastor? And he said, yes, I have. I asked him, OK, what has your pastor said? I've never gotten the answer. He said, the pastor said to him, that he should take his wife out for a candlelight dinner, he said. A candlelight dinner. Because that will provide a romantic atmosphere. And that should be able to help. I said to him, is that all? He said, yes, that's what my pastor told me. That's what I call medicating symptoms. It's you going to a doctor and you say to him, I'm feeling weak, I'm feeling chilly, I'm feeling joint pains, I've lost my appetite, and so on. And all the ruler says is, OK, you are feeling weak. Don't move around too much. You're feeling like you've lost your appetite. eat sweet things, there will be things you like eating, you are feeling chilly, put on warm clothing and so on. Look, at the end of the day you will die because you are not addressing the problem under all that, which most likely might be malaria. Don't follow me. I'm not a doctor. But the point is the doctor's job is to diagnose, is to say, OK, what could be causing all these? Can we address the underlying problem? That is also my major difficulty with a lot of what are called therapy sessions, where you go and you open up to people who might even be professional counselors. And when they have listened to you, they begin to deal with specifically those issues. So for instance, if it's a problem of money, that has surfaced in the context of the marriage, then they want to help you to have a right attitude towards money, and so forth. Now, the bottom line is that that's not the underlying problem that is causing the foundation of the house of your marriage to quiver and collapse. Ultimately, it's those issues that I talked about, and going right back to the rock bottom, it is the problem of sin. So, how does the gospel of Jesus Christ reverse the effect of sin in marriage? And once I take you through this, I won't take too long because I really want us to honor the promise by the organizers in terms of finishing at half past. So I will go for less than 30 minutes. We have noted from the previous session that the bottom line causing misery and divorce is sin. Therefore, what is the answer to sin? And it's the gospel. But we can easily be speaking like that. It's the gospel, Jesus Christ, and so on. But what I want us to do is to say, how? How? And I've got three answers. The first one is in the Book of Romans. The second one is also in the book of Romans, but the third one we will have to go to the book of Ephesians. So Romans chapter 5, Romans chapter 5, and I want us to see verse 2, but I'll begin from verse 1. Romans chapter 5, we'll begin with verse 1, but the answer is really in verse 2. The Bible says there, therefore, since we have been justified by faith, Notice, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. And then number two, through Him, that is through Jesus Christ, we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand. And then finally, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. The first way in which the gospel of Jesus Christ reverses the effect of sin in marriage is by reconciling us to God. Let's begin from there. It is by reconciling us to God. We are justified by faith. Our sins are forgiven. Therefore, the vertical relationship that matters above all has been resolved. The God who was initially opposed to us is now the God who is for us. He is no longer against us. He wants to now come into our lives and help us in a very practical way. Hence the phrase there, through Him we've also obtained access by faith into this grace, into this grace. In other words, God is no longer dealing with us according to our sin. Previously he was. In fact, he was holding back because if he dealt with us according to our sin completely, we would all go to hell. But what instead does he hold back so much? But now that we are reconciled to Him, we move from that sphere of God's wrath hanging over our heads. It moves us into a new sphere of grace. We've obtained access into this grace in which we now stand. And so God begins to deliberately work in our lives so that we are experiencing His blessing rather than His curse. Still dealing with reconciliation with God is the fact that we now have access to the throne of grace, where we can pour out before the Lord the difficulties and the challenges that we are experiencing in our lives, in our marriages, in our families, and so on. We can go to Him. that we might find grace and mercy to help us in our time of need. And it's not saying that therefore, because we've got access to that throne, he will give us anything and everything we want, but he will definitely give us the strength to handle the challenges that are coming our way, even through our actual marriages. So I thought I should begin with that because that's number one. We are no longer alone in God's world. We are now individuals that have God with us. And as this text ends, we have hope. In this particular case, it is hope of the glory of God. In other words, the ultimate end that we will finally find ourselves in. But even before we get there, we have hope because God is with us. Number two is the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit. the regenerating work of the Holy Spirit. That's in Romans chapter 8. Romans chapter 8, and I'm particularly interested in verse 4, but let me begin with verse 1. Romans chapter 8, beginning with verse 1. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Why? Because the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin. in the flesh, and here is verse 4, in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fulfilled in us who walk not according to the flesh, but according to the spirit. Now that's a lot of words, but let me try and break that down for us quickly. So the Apostle Paul uses the word law in two ways. And if you are not mindful of him changing the ways using the word law, you can end up being totally muddled up. Because he literally uses the same word in the same sentence in two different ways. So the first way in which the Apostle Paul uses the word law is in the way we speak about the law of gravity. Now, the law of gravity is not something you obey. It's something that works on you. So if you jump off Findeko building, for instance, you don't need to obey the law of gravity. You will, of necessity, obey it. And you'll be rushed to UTH, probably straight into BID, brought in dead, OK? Because you would have crashed your head against the concrete altar at the bottom. So the Apostle Paul often uses the word law in that way. And that's the way he uses it, for instance, when he says, for the law of the spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. That's the way he's using it. So there is a power, there is a force in God the Holy Spirit that liberates you from another power and another force. He liberates you from it. Okay, we'll come back to that in a moment. Then he says in verse three, for God has done what the law, now here he's not referring to the law of gravity, he's referring to the equivalent of the law of Zambia written in the books. Okay, so he's now using it as something you need to obey, something you must obey, otherwise you face consequences by way of punishment. Okay, so here now when he says, for God has done what the law, he's now referring to the written law of God. Weakened by the flesh, In other words, your fallen nature could not do. So simply reading that this is the way you are to live, you must drive on the right side of the road or the left side, you must report for work at such and such a time, and things that affect never ultimately makes you do what you need to do. OK, it's inevitable. Just when was that? The day before yesterday, I was in Cape Town, and I was driving. And you know, because you're in a foreign country, you are obeying all the speed limits. All the speed limits. The way cars work, zoom! Zoom! It says 60 kilometers an hour. It even shows camera. It's showing you camera. But obviously, they know where the cameras are, and they know it's not anywhere nearby. OK, so those written things will not make you obey. They are weak, made weak by your own fallen nature. Listen to this. So that fills, and then he puts it this way. Now, by sending his own son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, in other words, he comes as a saviour. Okay? His own son. He condemned sin in the flesh. He disarmed that power of sin. He crushed it, that power that it has in the flesh. And this is the result. In order that the righteous requirements of the law, the written law, what is being demanded by the written law, might be fulfilled in us. Okay, so we are enabled, that's the point I want you to see. We are enabled by the work of the Holy Spirit to live a life that was previously impossible. Now that's important for us to understand because that's what makes a Christian different from a non-Christian. It is the regenerating work of the Spirit of God who, as He comes into our lives at conversion, deals with this power that makes us so self-centered and selfish. that we use people and we abuse people for our own end. It deals a death blow to it. And it makes us to be able to love God and to love others. OK. Now that's crucial because it addresses the root problem. Remember what we said. The root problem is sin. It's not simply, you know, someone who has got a wrong view of money and now we're trying to correct it so that he has a right view. No, no, no, no, no. It's deeper than that. It is that there is this corrupting force that is inside all of us the way we are born. We are born that way. And it's It's that issue that the Spirit of God, through the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, brings about a change to. And then thirdly, it is the reminders from the Bible, the reminders from the Bible. And that's why I wanted us to go to Ephesians and chapter 5. I'm really flying because I do want to handle your Q&A, at least to some extent, by half past. So Ephesians chapter 5, we read, but I deliberately did not emphasize what I'm emphasizing now. And so Ephesians chapter 5 verse 22 says, wives, submit your own husbands. But notice it does not end there. It says, as to the Lord. So in other words, what the gospel does is it brings you into a relationship with Jesus Christ as your master. and also as your model, your master and your model. So in this particular case, he's using the Lord as your master, as unto the Lord. So you are being told to submit to your husband as the way in which, as a Christian, you submit to the Lord. So as a Christian, you've got a model that the non-Christian doesn't have. The person who's outside Christ, what do you say to them? But for the Christian, there is a model. In fact, he goes on further to say, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. So you can always, in the midst of wrestling with the issue of submission as a wife, you can always go to these reminders in Scripture and say, well look, I've got the example of the way in which the church is always saying, what does the Lord say? What does God's word say? Whatever he says, that's what we will do. The church is not a democratic institution. It's a theocratic institution. It's about what Jesus says. That's what we do. And you say, OK, so that's what I should be doing as a wife. I'm finding it difficult. Yes, I agree. But there is my model that I need to follow. And then verse 25. says husbands, love your wives. And there it is again, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her. In other words, it's for her good. Having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, and that's referring to regeneration. So she's been regenerated. But Jesus is not saying, therefore, I've finished the work. After all, I died for her. He's saying, I'm now busy working on her sanctification, that she might become better and better and better over time. Verse 27, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor. without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish." There are reminders there. When people are saying it's difficult to be submissive to this kind of man, it's obviously more difficult to love like Jesus loved. It's a lot more difficult. Because he did not love a perfect people. He loved sinners, but he gave himself for the beautifying of sinners in terms of growth in grace, growth in holiness, and growth in godliness. He's got the end in view. So he's not simply wanting to react to the present. He's got a major end in view. And that's what we have as believers. Which again, non-Christians don't have. Non-believers, where do you begin from? You are saying, OK, love your wife. And the guy's just remembering how his father loved his mother. That's all. And he's thinking. It's a disaster, but he's got nothing as a real positive that he can follow. Or we're still, maybe the person was brought up in an orphanage. There's neither father nor mother there. What role model does the person have? Nothing. He's having to just work from his own fallen nature, but the gospel gives us the reminders as we are reading our Bibles. and we are having devotions, and we are going to church, these truths are being brought to our attention regularly. And they are challenging us to apply to ourselves. We are seeing that the standard is over there, and we have fallen short of it. And therefore, we are seeking to get that high. So the point that I want to now quickly wrap this up is that it matters when you are dealing with counseling individuals, whether you are dealing with a Christian or a non-Christian, it matters. If you are dealing with a non-Christian, yes, Begin with handling the symptoms. In other words, talk about the things that are currently causing mayhem in the relationship, that they are failing to listen to each other. Deal with them. Because as they say in medicine, the symptoms can kill you in the end. So at least placate them, give Panadols or whatever, you know, just so that at least the body can then have the chance to deal with the actual disease. But don't end with the medication that simply deals with the symptoms. Don't end there. And that's what we do with non-Christians. Don't end With you, you must submit to your husband. What's the problem with that? Submit. Or you, why are you not loving your wife? I mean, when you proposed, what did you say? You said, I love you, isn't it? Just continue doing it. What's your problem? That's extremely superficial. Because there is a further problem at the bottom, and it's seen. And that's what you need to aim for. So number one, don't simply end by addressing those superficial things. Because what's going to happen is this. They'll go, and you'll hear that, in fact, they did not do what you told them. Because it's not possible. You're asking somebody to pull himself up from his bootlaces. How? He can't. He's got this force in him, the law of sin and death, that is dragging him down. So that brings you to number two. And it is this. Share the gospel with these individuals. Share the gospel with them. But here's my point. Share the gospel. relevantly. Don't just say, you know, Jesus died for you on the cross, now close your eyes and pray the prayer. Let the individual see that it is their sinful nature that's ultimately making them do what they're doing. So begin there. And then say to them, here lies the solution. There's only one medication for the sinful nature, the gospel of the Lord Jesus Christ, His death on the cross, the Spirit of God, and His regenerating power in our lives. So the issue here is not simply a right view of money, which I keep using as an example. It is a right view of yourself and how desperately you need Jesus to save you. The third thing is that most likely the first time you say it, the words came in this way. and went out that way, as though there's no gray matter in between. The reason is quite simple, and it's this. The current problem they have is making so much noise that they're not hearing you. It's obvious. It's like trying to evangelize in a bar. And the person you're talking to is already going like this. Uh-huh. They're not hearing. So you need to realize that this is merely an initial meeting. It's merely an initial meeting. You need to meet them again, and again, and again, until what you are saying is louder than who has the money bagged between him and me, and so on. Because the first time, that's the issue. Even when you start talking about Jesus Christ, this pastor also. They're not really hearing you. So you need to be consistent in terms of listening. And if you are on the opposite side, in case you are now on the receiving side, it's simply be patient. Don't think that a one-off visit to the counsellor solves everything. You need to be able to say to your spouse, let's keep going, let's continue listening. rather than the fact that that first advice and we are out of here, we are gone. All of us need the patience so that we can be truly helped. Let me stop here because I really want to do the Q&A. How do we proceed? Is there somebody coming? OK. So you may use this. I've got this. OK. Thank you, and good afternoon. So we have received quite a number of text messages. And before I go into the text messages, I'll request one thing from Pastor. I'll request that maybe as we proceed in this Q&A, you give us just four takeaways in bullet form so that the audience, when they go back, they can reflect on those. This has been so much material. So I know you have been taking notes. But I request that you just give us those some. OK, the way I've gone about the presentation, it shouldn't be difficult for you to easily see this. Number one is that there is a blueprint for marriage. And that blueprint is with God. It's not with us. OK, so that's number one. Don't try and reinvent marriage to suit you. because it belongs to God and he is the one who has brought it. And that's where that illustration about people jumping out of windows and so forth comes in. When you see people breaking the windows and jumping out, it means there's a problem. It's not a new way of coming out of the car. So that's the first. The second is that it doesn't matter what the problem is in the detail. Ultimately, the problem is seen. And that's where you need to finally seek to concentrate. It's seen that is the problem. Maybe if I could quickly throw in the third, and that is ultimately the solution as I've tried to demonstrate to you. The lasting solution is the gospel of Jesus Christ. But it's not simply conversion. It's also sanctification. OK, so salvation brings you to that solid position of God's grace. But sanctification through the word enables you to die to self more and more and more and to live to God and to others. So those would be the four. Thank you. So I've received about seven questions. Depending on time, we may allow for one or two questions from the audience. The first question we received reads, good afternoon, my question is, If your husband has been unfaithful and is not doing enough to try and amend the marriage after the old deal, you have tried to get him to go to counseling, but has refused several times. At what point am I allowed to leave the marriage, or what other options are available for me? OK. So the answer there is pretty straightforward, and it is this. Nobody can tell you at which point you should leave your marriage. Because it's the issue of your own capacity with respect to patience. Because initially, you have to be patient with one another. After all, you married a fellow sinner. So when the Bible speaks about promiscuity or sexual immorality, it doesn't say seven times. It doesn't even say 77 times. But it's simply saying that this person is habitually on that road. So people around you will try and help you. and help the person, and so forth. But a time comes when even the people around you have now sort of just said, look, I think we can't help, and so forth. But at the point at which you take that step, it is completely up to you. Because that person has shown that they don't respect the marriage point. The second one says, should a wife take up responsibilities of being a provider in an event that the husband loses his job? That's the question. And then the follow-up statement is, if yes, shouldn't the husband also help out with some of the house chores? Yeah, I think the answer is pretty obvious. It's a yes to both questions. But let me try and answer this this way. That the wife is a helper suitable to her husband. Okay, so it depends on what the husband has or is. that the wife then fits in with him. So if, for instance, the husband is incapacitated by maybe an accident or something, or simply the fact that his career is one that he's unable to get employment, and then the wife, on the other hand, is the one who has that, well, Obviously, the wife is now playing that second role because she's fitting into this marriage relationship. And then inevitably, because of the fact that she's playing that role, the husband will be more of a house husband. However much he might have pride, the guy has to admit. He's not getting out there to bring in the money. You cannot become an handicap just sleeping in the couch while your wife is doing all the work out there. And when she comes, she's the one who's going into the kitchen, and you're just getting a bit of money out of her wallet or purse to go and boast with your friends. That's obviously out of the question. There must be a way in which you are fitting into each other. And that's where Proverbs 31 comes in, by the way, because the husband was busy, and it says, at the city gate. In other words, he was an elder within the context of the city. He was dealing with cases, legal cases that were being brought before him together with the others who are judges, and so on. So the wife is then A businesswoman, she's out there working and bringing the money and he's boasting that the home is well supplied while he is busy at the gate. So that's a domestic topic that needs to be settled by a mature husband and wife, but all must share in the effort to raise the home and the family. The third one reads, if a divorced person has already remarried, should they get divorced again? How does God feel when two people who were divorced get together with each other in marriage again? Okay, I think that one, we saw how God feels. much earlier from Deuteronomy 24 verse 1 to verse 4. And the statement there was straightforward. It's the fact that if you divorce and your spouse gets married to somebody else, Well, the basic point was that, sorry, it's a final bye. Because the phrase that was being used, that that person has now been defiled by a fed party. You can't then bring them back. The spirit behind that commandment was primarily, think 10 times before you get rid of that woman of yours. Because while you are thinking, ah, I'll get another one, there are about 10 people who've been envying your wife. As soon as you release her, there's a Muslim. And there's no getting her back. That's the point that is being made. So it was all meant to forestall this selfish tendency of, I've seen a sweet 16, let me get rid of this one and bring that one in. And then, ah, I think the first one was even better, to stop that attitude. And I think it's only right that at least we apply that principle because it's showing God's attitude towards that level of carelessness. The fourth one reads, marriage is a covenant meant to death. There are some instances when there are issues of infidelity. Is there any other reason that could end in divorce, according to the Bible? In the world, unnecessary behavior is one reason for divorce, e.g., physical violence and threat of murder. What does the Bible teach? All right. that I've written on marriage, divorce, and remarriage, I have handled that topic as a cause for divorce. I have made the point that it's not what the Bible is teaching directly, but it can be inferred by virtue of the fact that your life is number one. So if you allow yourself to be killed, well, that in itself is ending the marriage anyway. So our stewardship over our life is primary. But I've added the phrase, there must be proven evidence. of threat. In other words, it's just the fact that the guy, you know, because he was drunk, shouted, and then you now want to end the marriage. Okay, so I've dealt with it primarily because it is a pastoral issue, and I think there's something to be said for it. So if you've never read the book, read it, and you have the answers there. The fifth question, I think I'll combine two. The first one reads, what do you do if your spouse refuses you your marital conjugal rights and they refuse to go for counseling? And then the other one reads, what should a married woman do if the husband does not show affection and romance to her after they get married? OK, so there are two things I'd like to say. Number one is make much of marriage enrichment seminars. Make much of them, even if you're not going through major problems. It's just refreshing. to listen to things that are being taught and said because of the fact that without, you did not tell those people to say what they are now saying. But it then helps to, what's the word, to squeeze in some sense