All right. Evening, everyone. Does someone say morning? I thought I heard a morning in there. If you'll take your handout out briefly, there are going to be discussion questions for each of the lessons. And so you can see at the bottom of lesson, or actually not the bottom, but the following page, there are discussion questions for each message. And the first few pages in your handout provide the instruction for those discussion questions. Because there are definitely ways you can respond well to difficult questions. And there are ways you can't apologize well, and ways you can apologize poorly, or more like apologies that are more like excuses, right? And blame shifting than actual apologies. And so I just want to encourage you, well, first I want to encourage you, please make sure you do these discussion questions with your spouse. There's going to be this one hour break between the first and second message, so that could be a very good time, a lot of room to go sit someplace with your spouse if you'd like to do the discussion questions then or save them for after the conference to help cement the information in your heart and mind and go over it more privately at home or out on a date or something. But the second request is please make sure before you begin these discussion questions together that you read through these first few pages and the instructions that they give you. And this is a real abbreviated or concise set of instructions pulled out of the workbook that accompanies Marriage God's Way, but it'll talk to you about how to respond humbly to questions and seek forgiveness, because all of us have failed and sinned in different ways in our marriages, and there's right and wrong ways to accept responsibility for our actions, and so please make sure you do that. The title of this first message is Temptations Facing Husbands and Wives. Some years ago, I was teaching on marriage in a fairly interactive setting, and I was allowing people to raise their hands and share and ask questions. It was a fairly small group. And this woman raises her hand, and I call on her, and I think she's going to stand up and ask a question or something. Or maybe I didn't even think she'd stand up, because I don't think anyone else had at that point. And she stands up, and she begins berating her husband in front of everyone. And she is just criticizing him up one side and down the other. There were a number of really good things that I could have said to her at that moment. I could have said, can I pray with the two of you after this meeting is over? Or could we meet sometime next week and get together and talk about this privately? Or why don't we all just take a moment as a group and pray for this couple? But because I was so shocked by what was taking place, I pretty much did the worst thing imaginable, which was this. And I was just standing there, and the longer that I looked at her like that, the more words just kept coming out of her mouth as she was slandering her husband in front of all of these people. And at that moment, I had no idea that God was going to open the door years later for me to preach on marriage at my church for a year, take those sermons, write a marriage book, and then another door would be open to put on marriage conferences. But I made a commitment back then that if I was to ever speak on marriage again, not knowing that I would do it some number of times later, there were a few points that I was going to make at the beginning, a few things I was going to invite everyone to consider early on. And so this brings us to lesson one on your handout, if you want to go ahead and look there at lesson one. As we begin, make the decision to, part one, focus on your weaknesses more than your spouse's. As we begin, make the decision to part one. So right there, focus on your weaknesses more than your spouse's. The standard that God's word sets for husbands is very high, right? Okay, that was like two people. So we're gonna need to do better than that. The standard that God sets for husbands in his word is very high, right? Because that standard is actually Christ, Christ is the standard. So that's a standard in which no husband can ever, ever feel like he has arrived. So if you're a wife and you're listening to the instruction for husbands over, I think in the second message, the later message tonight, and you're listening to some of those things that are said to your husband and you're recognizing how far short your husband falls to meeting that very high standard, you could start to become frustrated with your husband. And I think that's probably what happened to that woman that night as I was instructing husbands. The standard for wives in scripture is very high. Wives are commanded to submit to their husbands with the same submission that the church is expected to show to Christ. So there's this very high standard in God's word for wives. And so if you're a husband, or you can be listening to what's said to your wife, and you could start getting upset that your husband isn't, or your wife isn't more like God's word says she could be. while your husband's sitting next to you, and he's getting upset, and the wife's sitting next to her husband, and she's getting upset. And so, obviously, the point of this marriage conference is not to arm all of you to go home and have World War III, right? That's not what we're trying to do. And so, what we need to commit to doing at the beginning is remembering that we all have plenty of weaknesses, and we need to keep our minds from getting fixated on those things that we think our spouse needs to change. Instead, we need to be thinking about our weaknesses and the things that we need to change. Instead of focusing on what your spouse does wrong and how you shouldn't be treated the way that your spouse treats you, you need to be asking, how can I be a better husband? How can I be a better wife? You need to ask, what can I do that makes being married to me easier? And if you can't think of anything and answer that question, you need to repent, right, of your pride, or you definitely need to think harder. So if you start feeling frustrated toward your spouse, there are two things you can do. First, I wanna encourage you to think about those times you failed. Think about your weaknesses and your struggles, the times that you have let your spouse down and let the Lord down, and then in those moments, how much grace you coveted, how much compassion and mercy from your spouse and from the Lord himself that you wanted at those times, and then seek to exhibit that same compassion toward your spouse. And then the second thing you can do brings us to the next part of lesson one. As we begin, make the decision to, part two, turn your frustrations into prayer. Make the decision to part two, turn your frustrations into prayer. I highly suspect you will at times, over these next five messages, feel frustrated toward your spouse at times. And what you need to do when those weaknesses or struggles of your spouse come to mind and you're feeling yourself getting upset, is you need to turn those frustrations into prayer. Because here's the truth. There are plenty of things we do way more than pray for our spouse. We complain about our spouse. We yell at our spouse. Perhaps some of us, instead of yelling, we choose to ignore our spouse. And if we were to take all of those sinful or fleshly things that we do toward our spouse and we were to pray for our spouse instead, then how much differently do you think that our marriages would look? So take all of that frustration and hostility that wells up in you toward your spouse and turn all of it into prayer, a deep burden where you petition on behalf of your spouse. Every single time one of your spouse's weaknesses come to mind, instead of getting angry, that's one of those times that you're gonna pray. that your spouse can grow in that area. If we were to pray for our spouses, as much as we do some of those other things, I guarantee you our marriages would be so much more of a blessing and a joy and the gift that God wants them to be. One more thing I'd like to ask you to keep in mind as we begin. Make the decision to part three, recognize your marriage is a reflection of your relationship with Christ. Recognize your marriage as a reflection of your relationship with Christ. Our relationships with our spouses say a lot about our relationships with Christ. I'm gonna say that one more time or make it more personal. Your relationship with your husband or your relationship with your wife says a lot about your relationship with Christ. There's a certain lie that we can be tempted to believe at times. And the lie is I can be a strong or I can be a good Christian and I can be a bad spouse. And that is completely not true because our Christianity or our relationship with Christ is directly related to our relationship with our spouse. The fact is our marriages are outpourings of our relationships with Christ. If you're a wife, you treat your husband the way you do. because of your relationship with Christ. If you're a husband, you treat your wife the way you do because of your relationship with Christ. And so the truth is, if we love Christ, then we're going to treat our spouse as well. If we love Christ, we're going to treat our spouse as well. I wanna briefly address the husbands first. What is the primary command for husbands? Briefly touched on it earlier. What is it? Love your wives just as Christ loves the church. That's right. And so here's the thing, gentlemen, all of the gentlemen here, please give me your attention when I say this. We don't love and cherish our wives because they're perfect. We don't love and cherish our wives because they deserve it. We don't love and cherish our wives because they always respect us or because they always submit to us or because they always treat us the way that we want to be treated. Why do we love our wives? Because we love Christ. Because if you love Christ, you will love your wife, because that's the primary command that he's given you. The way we love and cherish our wives, or I could say the way we don't love and cherish our wives, is not so much a reflection of our wives. It is not, just kind of let that sink in, because sometimes when men mistreat their wives, they want to blame that on their wives. And it's not so much a reflection of their wives, it is a reflection of that man's relationship with Christ. So if a man says, I'm not going to love and cherish my wife because she, and then, you know, fill in the blank with all the terrible things that he says about her, at that moment, more than likely that husband thinks that he's saying a lot about his wife, but who's he really saying a lot about? Himself. He's really saying a lot about himself. He's saying something about his relationship with his wife, but more importantly, he's saying something about his relationship with Christ. Similarly for wives. What's the primary command given to wives? To what? To submit to their husbands. Here's the truth. Ladies, give me your attention now. You're not expected to submit to your husband because he always loves you perfectly, or because he treats you the way that you wanna be treated, or because he always makes the right decisions, or because you trust him so much, or because he loves you the way that you always wanna be loved. You're expected to submit to your husband because you wanna submit to who? Because you wanna submit to Christ. You wanna submit to the Lord. If a wife says, I'm not gonna submit to my husband because he, then she fill in the blank with all the terrible things that she says, she thinks she's making her husband look bad, but she's really making herself look bad. Because she's discussing how comfortable she is disobeying the Lord and the things that he's commanded her to do. She is saying something about her relationship with her husband, but more importantly, she's saying something about her relationship with her wife, or her husband. or her relationship with Christ, excuse me. And so this is why there's really no such thing as a spiritually mature, godly husband who doesn't what? Love and treat his wife well. And this is why there's no such thing as a spiritually mature, godly wife who doesn't what? submit to her husband, because that's the primary command that's been given to her. If you're a husband, you can't love Christ without loving your wife. And if you're a wife, you can't submit to Christ without submitting to your husband. So I wanna make a commitment to you as we begin. This is helping to lay the foundation for the next few messages. I wanna let you know I am not going to try to convince the husbands here that they should love and cherish their wives because their wives deserve it. And I am not going to try to convince the wives here that they should submit to or respect their husbands because their husbands deserve it. Because the fact is, all the husbands here are sinners. We don't deserve your submission and respect. All the wives here are sinners. You don't deserve your husbands. love and to be cherished and adored perfectly by Him. But who is worthy of our love? Who is worthy of our submission? Christ is. And so the reason I stress this, the reason that this is so important is there's just going to be those times in your marriage as a husband when you don't feel like loving your wife. Amen? I mean, if we're honest. And ladies, there are gonna be those times in your marriage where you don't feel like submitting to your husband or you don't feel like respecting him. And if you're, to be honest, he is not acting respectably. So at those times you can't draw on your relationship with your spouse for the strength you need to obey God's commands. Because at that time you don't want to obey God's commands because of the way your spouse is treating you. And so my appeal to you is draw on your relationship with Christ. Don't think about what your husband or wife has or hasn't done for you, but think about what Christ has done for you. Think about the sacrifice that He has made for you. Think about Him being willing to lay down His life for you, and that's what will give you the motivation you need to obey those commands that are in God's Word. Now, with that down, turn to Genesis 2.16 if you have a Bible, please. And if you came tonight and didn't bring one with you, then please try to secure one somewhere in the church prior to the second message, and then please make sure you bring your Bible with you tomorrow. Turn to Genesis 2.16 if you have a Bible. Pretty familiar verses to us, so I'm gonna go ahead and read through these fairly quickly. The Lord God commanded the man, saying, of every tree of the garden you may freely eat, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it, you shall surely die. We know these verses, but in particular, I just want you to notice who God is speaking to. Who's he speaking to? It's not a trick question. He spoke to Adam, he spoke to the man. So God gave this command to Adam before Eve was created. And he didn't have to do it that way. And I suspect if we thought about it intuitively, we would expect that God would give this command to Adam and Eve after Eve had been fashioned from Adam. But God did it this way so that Adam then had to take the command and give it to Eve. And since Eve never heard the command from God himself, what was she forced to do? She was forced to trust her husband, or she was forced to submit to her husband. This is part of God establishing Adam's headship in the relationship prior to the fall, and there's a few other ways God did that. If you read the whole chapter, naming the animals, showing his authority or headship over them, and then he names his wife. But what I want you to notice is that since sin had not come into the world at this point when headship was established, this teaches us something we need to keep in mind for our messages. And this brings us to lesson two, God created headship before the fall. Lesson two, God created headship before the fall. Can you see why this is so important? Because if you think that headship was created in the marriage relationship after the fall, then you think it's part of what? The curse. You think it came into the world because of sin. If you recognize that headship was established prior to the fall, then you're going to see it as part of God's normal, healthy, divine plan for husbands and wives. Now with Adam's headship established, take a look at Genesis 3.1. to see what Satan attacks. Genesis 3.1, the serpent was more cunning than any beast of the field which the Lord God had made. And then notice this, he said to the woman, as God indeed said, you shall not eat of every tree of the garden. The woman said to the serpent, we may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden, but of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God said, you shall not eat it, nor shall you touch it lest you die. And then notice this in verse four for the second time. The serpent said to the woman, you will not surely die. So do you notice the distinct contrast between Genesis 2.16 and then Genesis 3? You've got God speaking to, finish it for me, God speaking to, and then you've got the devil going after Eve or the woman. God established Adam's headship in chapter two and then immediately the devil attacked it in chapter three. Verse five, God knows that in the day you eat of it, your eyes will be opened. And you'll be like God, knowing good and evil. Right here, Eve faced a choice. Can you see the choice that she faced? She faced the choice to trust her husband and obey the command that her husband had given her. or obey the devil and disrespect her husband or be insubmissive toward him regarding this command. Sadly, we know what happened. When the woman saw that the tree was good for food, pleasant to the eyes, a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her and he ate. Okay, now do you see the choice that Adam faced right here? Adam faced the choice that he could obey God who had given him the command or he could obey who? He could obey his wife. It wasn't Adam obeying the devil at this moment. There's no hint of the devil, at least in this verse. This is where Adam had to choose between obeying God or obeying his wife. And so we know what happened here too. Skip to verse nine. The Lord God called to Adam again and said to him, where are you? Adam said, I heard your voice in the garden. I was afraid because I was naked. I hid myself. And God said, so he's still speaking to Adam, who told you you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you that you should not eat? And then the man said, the woman whom you gave to be with me, that's pretty serious blame shifting right there, isn't it? Put two people between himself and his sin. He blames his wife and then he blames God for being the one who gave him his wife, right? So this is where blame shifting began. She gave me of the tree and I ate. And I want you to notice God didn't even address Eve. He went to Adam because He was the one who had been given the command, and he was the one who had what in the relationship? Headship. He was the head of their relationship. And as a result, God held Adam more responsible. And that is not my opinion. You don't have to infer that. Because when you reach the New Testament, listen to these verses. Romans 5, verses 12 through 22, through one man sent into the world. By the one man's offense, many died. By one man's offense, death reigned. Through one man's offense, judgment came. By one man's disobedience. 1 Corinthians 15, 21, by man came death, and Adam all died. Now, I read these verses, and I gotta be honest with you, they seem a little unfair to me, because I look and I think, didn't she have a little more to do with this? Why is it all on Adam's shoulders? I mean, there's no mention of Eve. There's no mention of woman whatsoever regarding sin coming into the world. The odd thing is, who ate first? I mean, who would you expect to believe, or who would you expect to be named when it says sin came into the world through? You think it's going to be a discussion of Eve. She's the one who ate first. Instead, God squarely put the blame for this on Adam's shoulders. Keep that in mind. Since the fall has taken place and sin has been introduced into the world, Adam and Eve's relationship is going to look very different now. And by extension, all of our relationships are going to look very different now. We think of Genesis 3 around verses 16 and 17 to be what's known as the curse, when God's going to describe what life is going to look like in a fallen world. We're going to look at the part of the curse that deals with the marriage. These verses describe, you could say, what marriage looks like in a fallen world. What you need to know is the fall affected both sides of the marriage relationship, husbands and wives, because we both received sinful natures, or we both are now cloaked in the flesh, right? Second thing you need to know is we face temptations differently. Part of the distinctions between man and woman is to be tempted more strongly in different ways from the other. And that's not my opinion. This is what God says in these verses when he speaks to Adam and Eve. And so part of the differences between men and women is having temptations that are stronger for men than for women. God highlights some of these in this discussion. If you look with me at Genesis 3.16, we'll first consider some of the temptations that are more common to women. Genesis 3.16, to the woman he said, I'll greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception. In pain, you shall bring forth children, your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you." And in particular, I want you to notice the words, your desire shall be for your husband. That almost sounds like this is a blessing and not a curse, right? Since God is talking about the curse with them, we know that these words cannot mean what they look, at least a surface reading, to mean to us. And so if these words are not meaning that wives are going to desire their husbands in some godly, loving, wonderful way, which they can't mean because this is a curse and not a blessing, then the question becomes, what exactly do these words mean? What way is it in which wives are going to desire their husbands after the fall that they didn't desire them that way prior to the fall? And this brings us to lesson three. Lesson three, wives are tempted to, part one, control their husbands. Wives are tempted to, part one, control their husbands. Now, since headship was established prior to the fall, how would Eve have submitted to Adam, had sin not come into the world? Easily, readily, joyfully even. Now, as a result of the fall, what's that submission going to be like for Eve and by extension, all other women? Difficult. challenging, much different than it would have been prior to the fall. One of the basic rules of Bible interpretation, and one I'd like to encourage you to remember for any of the times that you read God's Word, is you can often learn the meaning of words by considering how they're used elsewhere in Scripture. So if you're ever looking at a word and you can conclude that it doesn't mean what it looks like it means in that verse, then look for that word's meaning in another place in scripture. Find an interpretation that's safe in another verse so that you can then apply that interpretation of that word to the place that to you is somewhat confusing or questionable. If you can find the same book, that's even better because then you're often seeing the same human author of scripture in the same language that that human author uses. Now this word for desire, It only occurs three times in Scripture. It occurs one time in Song of Solomon 7. You don't have to turn there, but it actually highlights control there, too. The second place it occurs is in Genesis 3, which we just looked at. The third and final place that it occurs is in Genesis 4. So if you want to briefly look one chapter to the right to Genesis... In fact, actually, if you're writing your Bibles, which I will encourage you to do a few times, in Genesis 3.16, you can circle Genesis 3.16 draw a little line from there, and write Genesis 4-7. So let me say that one more time. In Genesis 3-16, circle the word desire, draw a little line from it, and write Genesis 4-7, and then go ahead and turn to Genesis 4. We'll back up to verse four to get the context. Some more familiar verses. It says, Now, when Cain's countenance fell right here, he faced the same two choices that all of us face when we sin or when we fail. And what's that? To humble ourselves and repent, or to become prideful and stubborn or angry, right? And which one of those two choices did Cain choose? Now, because God is watching this take place in Cain's heart, recognizing that Cain is giving himself over to the second, becoming prideful and upset, God very graciously goes to Cain, and he warns Cain about what this sin that Cain is allowing to remain in his heart wants to do to him, because that sin would be removed if he had repented. But since he wouldn't do that, God's gonna talk to Cain about what this sin wants to do. Verse six, If you do well, will you not be accepted? If you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And then notice this, its desire is for you, but you should rule over it. Do you see the similarity here between Genesis 4-7 and Genesis 3-16, the parallelism? I mean, the parallelism is so strong, it's actually the exact same words in the Hebrew. Genesis 3-16, your desire will be for your husband, he shall rule over you. Genesis 4-7, sin's desire is for you, but you should rule over it. Now here's the question. Read all that just for me to ask you this. What sort of desire did sin have for Cain? Was it a loving, affectionate desire? Was it an encouraging desire to come alongside him and be a support to him? No, it was a desire to control him. It was a desire to control his mind and his actions, a desire to make him do things. Now I'm not saying that a wife's desire for her husband is always going to be as ugly or terrible as Sin's desire was for Cain, but the point is that wives are going to have a desire to control their husbands just like Sin had a desire to control Cain. And just like Cain had to prevent that from happening, and he needed to maintain that authority over sin, you can see in Genesis 3, 16, that God tells Eve that when you try to control your husband, it's still my expectation that your husband is not going to let you control, or your husband should not let you control him, but he needs to maintain that authority and headship over you. This temptation, for wives to control their husbands, it often manifests itself in a certain way, which brings us to the next part of lesson three. Lesson three, wives are tempted to, part two, nag their husbands. Lesson three, wives are tempted to, part two, nag their husbands. Gentlemen, great job not saying amen on that one, okay? Because we'll be talking about the men in just a moment. But the temptation for wives to control their husbands, this is often how it manifests itself. Now we're gonna have to kind of come up out of Genesis for a moment, get some elevation on scripture outside that book. And I wanna ask you, what book in the Bible comes to mind supporting women's desire to control or to nag their husbands? Is there a book that comes to mind? Proverbs. Proverbs is that book of the Bible. Proverbs 9, because I don't want you to think that when I say wives are going to struggle with nagging, that that's my opinion. I mean, Scripture, particularly the book of Proverbs, makes this clear. Also 1 Peter 3, 1, where you're told that if you want to win over your husband, don't do it with your what? Your words. Because very quickly it could become nagging. Instead, you must win over your husband with your chaste conduct or your godly behavior. Proverbs 19.13, the contentions are the nagging of a wife or a continual dripping. Proverbs 21.9 and 25.24. Better to dwell in a corner of a rooftop than in a house that's shared with a contentious or a nagging woman. And so the idea is a wife's nagging could be so bad that a man would rather sit on the corner of a rooftop where he would be exposed to the most terrible weather than be stuck in the house with that woman that's making his life miserable. Proverbs 21, 19. Better to dwell in the wilderness than with a contentious or a nagging and angry woman. And this time the idea is a man would rather be out in the wilderness where he could be exposed to any number of wild animals. than be in the house with his wife. Now, I'm assuming that there is some hyperbole associated with these proverbs, but considering that Solomon wrote them, and how many wives did he have? 700 and 300 concubines. He's gonna know better than anyone what it can at least feel like at times with a wife, and the main point of this exaggerated language is simply that a wife snagging makes a husband want to get away, as far away as possible. Proverbs 27, 15, and 16. A continual dripping on a very rainy day and a contentious or a nagging woman or alike, whoever can restrain her restrains the wind and grasps oil with his right hand. Now that's interesting, because obviously you know that you can't restrain wind with your hand, and you can't pick up oil with your hand. And so the point is this verse is trying to discourage men from trying to restrain a nagging or contentious woman. And it should make sense why Solomon would write this, or why God would write, Solomon would write this under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, because when you try to restrain a nagging woman, or essentially you respond to her, it just causes her to do what more? Come on, what? Nag, or argue even more. It makes the situation even worse. You're gonna have more success restraining the wind or picking up oil with your hand. The definition of nagging, it is continually fault-finding, complaining or petulant, persistently recurring or unrelenting. Now, ladies, I wanna ask you a tough question. Is this how your husband would describe you? Is that how your husband would describe you? Now, if you wanna know the answer to that question, you need to go home and you need to do these discussion questions and you need to ask your husband if he would describe you this way and prepare yourself ahead of time to respond well or to respond humbly to this and tell your husband that you would really like to know the answer to this question. You'd like to hear what he has to say and ladies, be committed that when he answers you, you're not gonna do what? You're not gonna prove that he's right by nagging him and getting angry with him and starting to argue with him, right? You're gonna show him that you want victory in this area by responding humbly and owning it and asking for forgiveness and even asking that he would pray for you to be able to repent and have victory in this area. Now, one of the reasons that nagging is particularly bad in marriages actually relates to one of the weaknesses of men. Let me say that one more time. One of the reasons that nagging doesn't work and causes problems in marriages relates to one of men's weaknesses. Any guesses what that weakness is? Men struggle with what? We can be what? Any guesses? This brings us to lesson four. Husbands are tempted to, part one, be stubborn. Lesson four, husbands are tempted to, part one, be stubborn. The definition of stubborn, unreasonably obstinate, obstinately unmoving, fixed or set in purpose or opinion, difficult to manage or suppress, stiff, difficult to shape or to work. Okay, now gentlemen, what's the question I want to ask you? Is this how your wife would describe you? Are you a stubborn, prideful man who will not listen to counsel, who will not receive advice, who always thinks he's right? That's at the heart of stubbornness. And then gentlemen, if you wanna know the answer to that question, then what do you need to do? You need to ask your wife. and be committed to responding well. Be committed to owning or receiving whatever criticism she brings at that moment. Don't prove your stubbornness to her by going like this. and then getting angry and kind of pouting about what she says, or arguing with her. Be committed to responding humbly, seeking her forgiveness for being a stubborn man, asking her to pray for you that you'll be able to repent and have victory over this area. Let me support this lesson with Scripture. If you look back at Genesis 3.16, Right after God told Eve, your desire shall be for your husband, he said, and he shall rule over you. He shall rule over you. Now in Genesis 2, 18, God said that he was going to create Eve or create woman as a helper for her husband. What is one of the greatest or best ways for wives to help their husbands? By offering them advice. by offering them counsel, by helping us see our blind spots, by helping us recognize when we're doing something foolish or saying something foolishly. And this is what I would say, prior to the fall, prior to sin coming into the world, guess how husbands always would have received advice and counsel from their wives? Easily, readily, they would welcome it. Now additionally, I'm not making any excuses for men, but now because we are stubborn and that's part of our flesh and we're tempted to give ourselves over to that, our flesh is going to flare up and tempt us to not receive counsel from our wives, to blow off the advice that they would give us and essentially not let them be the helper or given to us for the reason that God has given a wife to us. And it's interesting the number of times that I've seen some women be upset at that title helper as though it's somewhat demeaning. I mean, first it's the title for God himself throughout the Psalms, it's the title for the Holy Spirit, but probably the clearest thing I can tell you, the main reason, ladies, that you should be encouraged by this title, that title helper is not a criticism of you, it is a criticism of your husband. It is a recognition of his inadequacy. It is a recognition of his insufficiency. God looked and said, this dude is not going to make it. He needs some help. He can't make it in this world. He needs some help. And the woman is that perfect fit for him. So if anything, ladies, it's a criticism of your husband's inadequacy and insufficiency, and it's a compliment to you. It should be meant as an encouragement to recognize that God saw you as that perfect solution or fit for all of our weaknesses and struggles as men. Now, I'm not making any excuses for men's stubbornness, but because God created men to be leaders in the church, in the family, men are going to be naturally less receptive to being controlled by their wives or being nagged by their wives. And so here are two unfortunate truths. Men struggle with stubbornness, and we seem to struggle with it even more when we feel like we're being what? controlled or nagged. And women struggle with nagging, but they seem to struggle with nagging even more when they feel like their husbands are being stubborn. And so it creates this very vicious cycle in the relationship that can really suck the joy out of it. And that's why it's so important to be aware of this. I mean, this is how these cycles come to an end when men can recognize their stubbornness and women can recognize that they struggle with nagging. If you look back at the words, he shall rule over you, It almost looks like these words are unnecessary, because if you were following me earlier, when was headship established? Prior to the fall, you look at these words and you say, well, if headship's already established, why is God establishing headship again? That's not what's happening. That's not what's happening. This is also looking to one of the struggles for men. Man's headship is already established. This is identifying one of the other struggles that we're going to have as a result of the fall. Some other Bibles translate these words as he will dominate you. He will dominate you. And this looks to one of the other temptations for men. Brings us to the next part of lesson four. Husbands are tempted to, part two, dominate their wives. Husbands are tempted to, part two, dominate their wives. Colossians 3.19, it says, husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. Husbands love your wives and do not be harsh with them. You do not see a corresponding verse for wives saying, love your husbands and do not be harsh with them. which is one reason, I think, that harshness or cruelty, while there can be women who are harsh or there can be women who are cruel, it's definitely going to be a struggle that is more common to man because man is singled out by that verse, right? Just like in Proverbs, you don't see corresponding verses regarding husbands being nagging or contentious. Now, it's not to say the husbands can't nag, or the husbands can't be contentious, but the fact that there are not corresponding verses for husbands tell me that this is going to be a struggle that's obviously more common for women. Now right here it says, do not be harsh with your wives, which tells me that prior to the fall, how would Adam have loved Eve? With perfect gentleness, with great tenderness, how would he have led in that relationship? Perfectly, tremendous compassion and gentleness that he would have shown to her. Now after the fall, man is still expected to lead or be the head, but at times we're going to struggle with what? Being harsh, being cruel. in our leadership or our headship. Listen to these two quotes on Genesis 16, John MacArthur, or on verse 16. John MacArthur said, as the woman tends toward rebellion, the man will tend toward tyranny. Matthew Henry said, if the woman had not sinned, she always would have obeyed with humility and meekness. If the man had not sinned, he always would have led or ruled with wisdom and love. And so, when did the battle of the sexes truly begin? Sin. Genesis 3. That's when the battle of the sexes truly began. The world says that women's lib or feminism began in the 1960s. No. The 1960s is when women just chose to give themselves over to it. At least for some number of centuries prior, there had been some effort against it, But at least in our country, the 1960s is that time when women said, no, we will be feminists. We will be liberated, was the word that they wanted to use. That is when feminism and women's lib is, you know, it began in Genesis 3, but that's when women said, no, we will just give ourselves over to this sin or this temptation as wholeheartedly as we desire. When did male chauvinism begin? Genesis 3. That's when men began struggling with cruelty. That's when men began struggling with being domineering. The battle of the sexes, Genesis 3, women's lib, male chauvinism was right there. Look at verse 17 to see another area of temptation for men. Genesis 3, 17, to Adam, God said, because you've heeded the voice of your wife and you have eaten from the tree of which I commanded you saying, you shall not eat it. Now, we know Adam's sin was eating the fruit. But this verse tells us why Adam ate the fruit, or tells us what was the cause for Adam eating the fruit, and God rebuked him for that. There's a subtle rebuke right here. He first pointed out, or the first criticism for Adam was you heeded the voice of your wife, or you obeyed her. You stopped being the head. You stopped being the leader in the relationship that you should have been. God confronted Adam, and this brings us to the next part of lesson four. Husbands are tempted to part three, be passive. Husbands are tempted to part three, be passive. Nobody criticizes husbands loving their wives, but submission is criticized by the world, and unfortunately it's even criticized in some Christian circles. My point is you're not going to go out there and find people that are upset that the Bible says husbands are supposed to love their wives, right? But you're going to find plenty of people who are upset about the corresponding command for wives, which is written five times in the New Testament. You cannot miss it. It is one of the most frequently written verses in all of Scripture. Every single time a wife is mentioned, you see a corresponding command for her to submit to her husband. Because it shows that a wife is inextricably linked to her submission to her husband, is bound up in that, her role is. And so, of course, the world provides a lot of criticism of that as being barbaric or chauvinistic, but the tragedy, because we should expect that sort of criticism from the world, is that sometimes even in Christian circles or in some churches, even the other day I was at a planning meeting for a marriage conference, And there were some people there that at least to me seemed fairly prominent. And I was listening and this man says, you know, I don't ever use the word cement. I don't ever use the word submit. I choose to use, and I don't even remember what other word he said. The problem is the Bible uses the word submit. And it uses it a lot of times and it doesn't shrink back from it. And so we're doing people a disservice when we shrink back from what God's word says. Pastors are not doing their churches or their congregations a favor when they water down scripture. It's a picture of cowardliness, to be honest with you, if I can be frank. It's men who are afraid that people are going to be upset with what God's Word says, or they're afraid that those people won't come back to their church the next Sunday. And so they want to make God's Word sound as palatable as possible. And if I can just invite you, tell people what God's Word says. Don't apologize for it. Share the truth of it and let the Holy Spirit minister to people and reveal that there have been a couple of very liberal circles where I have been able to preach these messages. And what should surprise you is people actually responded wonderfully. Do you know why? Because God's Word bears witness. When people hear truth, they recognize it because the Holy Spirit can indwell them and speak to them. But if you're changing God's Word and watering it down, and it loses all the power and authority that could be behind it, I mean, consider the terrible disservice that's being done then. So just boldly tell people what God's Word says, and then let the Holy Spirit meet those people. Now, the reason I mentioned this is I'll share an observation. You might not agree with it. Perhaps you have not seen this before. You would think that because of the way that submission is criticized, that the most common complaint I would hear from women would be something like this. My husband wants me to submit and it is just terrible. It is atrocious. You would almost think that I would have women lined up at my door every week to my office to come in and tell me how terrible submission is. I don't hear that. Do you want to know the criticism I hear? My husband won't lead. My husband won't lead. That's what I hear. I don't hear about women who don't want to submit, but I hear a lot of complaints from women who say, I wish my husband would lead. I wish he would be a leader in our home. I wish he would take on that mantle and be the man of God that the scripture calls him to be, and even that I know that he can be. For many men, the greatest struggle is not being harsh. It is not being cruel. It's being what? Passive. It's being lazy. That is the struggle of the temptation. It's not leading at all. And the important thing to know is both of these temptations have serious consequences. Obviously, it's a terrible thing when a man is abusive or cruel, whether it's physically, mentally, emotionally, or spiritually, that's a terrible sin. But guess what else is another sin that has terrible consequences? When a man is passive. when a man is lazy in his home regarding the leadership that God wants him to exhibit. Here's the interesting thing to consider. Between these two temptations, which one do we see men commit more frequently? Between these two temptations, cruelty or passivity, which one do we see men commit or give in to more frequently? I would almost say it's a little bit of a trick question because at least in the Middle East, which sin is it? harshness, cruelty. We see men treating animals or furniture better than they treat women, right? But in our nation, it's passivity. Passivity in the home, it is passivity within the church. It's churches being dominated and led by women and passive men sitting back, being afraid to speak up or to share. And I'll just tell you briefly, when we mentioned the Middle East and the cruelty or the harshness that's shown, do you want to know what the solution is there? No, it's the gospel of Jesus Christ. The only thing that's ever going to bring any change to the Middle East is the gospel. It is not any self-help or psychology that's going to go in and change the hearts of these men who brutalize women. Do you know what has always done more for women than anything else? The gospel. There is nothing that elevates women to a position of prominence and love and adoration like the gospel of Jesus Christ. The only thing that can go into the Middle East and convict these men of their terrible sin and change their hearts is the gospel. That's what they need. The solution is missionaries that go there and preach. There is nothing that has ever elevated women or done more for them than the gospel, which is why it's tragic to me when the Bible receives criticism. Because in the most unreached or ungodly or unchristianized areas of the world, that's where you often see the worst treatment of women. And if the gospel was introduced there and the Bible was read and taught, that's where you would see men broken over their sin and then making their wives their queens and treating them with the prominence that God's word commands. Now in our country, though, the main sin seems to be passivity, and as far as why that's the case, I think it's because of acceptability. I think it's accepted, and I think it's applauded in the culture and the world, but also even within the church. And so let's consider how this plays out. It's really impossible for someone not to lead. The only way that you could have a couple where nobody leads is if they never do anything, if they never have any idea, if they never go anywhere, if they never have any plan. So inevitably, if the husband's not gonna lead, then that responsibility is going to fall on his wife's shoulders. So please make sure you notice something about the fall before we move on from this and consider how it took place. We know Adam and Eve sinned by eating the fruit, but it's important to notice how that sin took place in the first place. And do you see how there was this reversal of the roles? God established Adam's headship in Genesis 2. Satan attacked that headship in Genesis 3, going after the woman. Eve succumbed to the devil. In the process, she usurped her husband's authority by ignoring the command that he had given her, and then Adam chose not to lead, thus submitted to his wife, ignoring the command that God had given him. And so when they sinned, they both violated God's command for the relationship. Now, I wanna share a couple examples from the Old Testament. Romans 15, First Corinthians 10 says that the Old Testament was given to us for our instruction, for our admonishment. We have examples from it that we can learn from. And so when you receive teaching in the New Testament, you can often see that teaching illustrated in the Old Testament. And so I wanna look at a couple of those examples. Turn to the right a few chapters to Genesis 16. Genesis 16. I'll provide the context for these verses. It's been 10 years since God has promised Abraham and Sarah a child. Now when God promises you a child, how long do you expect to wait? About nine months, that's right. So when you hit the 10-year mark, you might start struggling with a little bit of doubt. Two things have crept into Sarah's heart at this moment, unbelief and the desire to do what with her husband, control him. or tell him what to do, look at verse one. Sarah, Abraham's wife, had born him no children. She had an Egyptian maid servant whose name was Hagar. So Sarah said to Abraham, see now the Lord has restrained me from bearing children. Please go into my maid. Perhaps I shall obtain children by her. Now right here, Abraham faced the exact same two choices that Adam faced, which is what? Trust God and obey him or obey his wife. not be the head, not be the leader. Look at the rest of verse two. Abraham heeded the voice of Sarah. Does that sound familiar? That is the exact same language from Genesis 3.17. If you're writing your Bible, you can even circle, he did the voice of Sarah, draw a little line and put Genesis 3.17, that's where it says, where God said to Adam, because you heeded the voice of your wife, again, the parallelism, very strong, exact same Hebrew words used. So there was a switching of the roles with Abraham and Sarah, just like there had been a switching of the roles with Adam and Eve. And Abraham gave in to that temptation to be passive and submit to his wife. Eve gave in to that temptation to control her husband. And here's the question I have for you. How well did it go for them? How well did this play out for them? It was completely problematic. I mean, it still has breached down to affect us in this room with some of the Middle Eastern people that came as a result of Ishmael. And the lesson for us, simply put, is it causes the same problems in our relationship when we reverse the roles or we disobey God's commands. Next, turn to 1 Kings 21. Turn to 1 Kings 21. We're not gonna read all the verses, so while you turn there, I'll go ahead and I'll give you the context, some of the background for this story. Ahab is the king of the northern kingdom of Israel at this time, and he's married to who? Who's he married to? He's married to Jezebel. And Ahab is this wicked spineless man, And Jezebel is this very controlling, ungodly woman. Ahab wants a vineyard that belongs to a godly man named Naboth. But because Naboth was a godly man who knew that under God's law, land was expected to remain within the family and be passed down to the next generation, despite the tremendous offer that Ahab gave Naboth for his vineyard, Naboth still said, no, the Lord forbid me from giving you my vineyard. So Ahab goes home, and he pouts, that's really what he did, he pouts, he turns his face to the wall, he won't eat anything, and his wife Jezebel sees him, and she says, what's wrong with you? And he tells her the whole story, and she says, well, you're the one who exercises authority over Israel, in other words, you should be able to get this vineyard. Which wasn't really a true statement, because who did actually exercise authority over Israel? It wasn't Ahab, it was his wife Jezebel. So Jezebel continues. She says, This is verse 7. No, you will not. That would be a sinful thing. God forbid him from giving me his vineyard. It would be evil for you to take it from him. Basically, he could have led. He didn't have to submit to his wife at this moment and let her take control of the situation. So in this very tragic act, Jezebel had Naboth murdered. I'll go through the verses pretty quickly, starting at verse eight, and I want you to notice the emphasis really on Jezebel doing everything. Her fingerprints are on it from beginning to end. Verse eight, she wrote letters in Ahab's name. She sealed them with his seal. She sent the letters to the elders and the nobles who were dwelling in the city. She wrote the letters in them. as though she was Ahab. And she said in these letters, proclaim a fast, put Naboth in a place of high honor among the people. Verse 10, see two men next to him who are scoundrels, who will bear before him to bear witness against him saying, you've blasphemed God and the king, and then take him out and stone him that he may die. And that's exactly what happened to this godly man as a result of what Jezebel had done. And when Ahab receives the news, verse 16, that Naboth is dead, Ahab gets up and he goes down and he takes possession of the vineyard of Naboth the Jezreelite. Now here's the question I have for you. Jezebel's plan. She writes the letters. She seals them. She acts like she's Ahab in them. She sends the letters to everyone. Her fingerprints are all over this plan, all over Naboth's murder from beginning to end. So is God really going to hold Ahab responsible for what his wife did? What's the answer to that? Yes, absolutely. God sent Elijah the prophet, look at verse 19. You shall speak to him, to Ahab, and you shall say, thus says the Lord, have you, Ahab, not your wife Jezebel, have you murdered and taken possession? And you shall speak to him saying, thus says the Lord, in the place where dogs lick the blood of Naboth, dogs shall lick your, Ahab's blood, even yours. So God held Ahab completely responsible for Naboth's murder. It's very similar to the situation with Adam and Eve, where it looked like Eve was more at fault because she ate first, took the fruit, gave it to her husband, Here's the point, gentlemen. Whether it is Adam, whether it is Abraham, whether it is Ahab, or whether it is any of us, who is God going to hold responsible for what takes place in our marriages and our homes? Us, men. We are the ones who have been given the headship. There's more responsibility on our shoulders. We are not going to be able to sit back and be passive or lazy and then say, well, the woman you gave me, right? It didn't work with Adam and it's not going to work with us. We will not be able to blame our wives any easier than Adam was able to blame his wife. The fact is God holds us responsible no matter how much it might look like our wives are responsible. Now look at verse 25. It says there was no one like Ahab. That's pretty bad when you're so bad that God says there's nobody who even approaches your badness. There was no one like Ahab who sold himself to do wickedness in the sight of the Lord, and notice this, because Jezebel his wife stirred him up. This should be very sobering for men and women. for husbands and wives to read this because ladies, this shows the great influence that you have in your husband's life. If you're a woman and you write in your Bible, you should circle the words, stirred him up, draw a little line and write what I can do. circle the words, stirred him up, draw a little line, write what I can do, because every single one of you wives in here, you have the potential to stir up your husband one way or the other. You have the potential to stir him up for good, or you have the potential to stir him up for evil. You do have the potential to be a Jezebel to him. You do have the potential to influence him in an ungodly way. At the same time, You have the potential to be a godly wife who stirs your husband up for good, who is an encouragement to him, who is a support to him, especially regarding the things of the Lord. Now for men, the lesson for us is we have to see that even though Jezebel stirred him up, you have it written right there in the verse that Jezebel stirred him up to do it, and God still held him responsible. Here's what I want you to notice as we approach our last lesson. Prior to the fall, what would marriages have looked like? There would have been perfect peace, perfect love, perfect joy, perfect harmony between Adam and Eve. Sin has turned God's ordained roles into struggles of pride and selfishness. Husbands and wives, we're going to have to be, I guess I would say it like this, we're gonna have to fight not to fight. Does that make sense? We're gonna have to fight for our marriages and fight not to fight. God has called us to be lifelong companions, but now we have these sinful natures that are at work pulling on us, trying to destroy our marriages or destroy what God has joined together. And so we're going to have to struggle or fight to have the marriages that we would have had if the fall had not taken place, or if sin had not come into the world. And so here's the question, how can marriages survive this kind of conflict? How can marriages, if you really think about what marriage is, it does seem like there's a lot against us. You have two sinful people who are expected to live together and spend their lives together. Two selfish, sinful people. That seems like, is there any hope? Is there any way that we can have the joy and the peace and the harmony that God truly desires for us in our marriages? Can the effects of the fall be reversed or are we doomed to constant grief and conflict? And this brings us to the last lesson. Reverse the effects of the fall by obeying God's commands for marriage. Reverse the effects of the fall by obeying God's commands for marriage. We have a recipe. In God's word, we have commands that if obeyed, can allow our marriages to be the joy and the blessing that God wants them to be. Sometimes it's almost like we have to be reminded that God gave us marriage as a gift. He wants it to be a joy. He wants it to be a blessing. I heard someone say, and I think it's probably fitting, that marriage is as close as you can get in this life to heaven, or what? Hell. And I thought, that's very fitting. I've met some people and it looked like they're in heaven together. And I've met some other people and if they were to answer honestly, they would say their marriage seems like hell on this side of heaven. And so if we're going to obey these commands, our marriages can be heavenly. They can be the joy and the blessing that God wants them to be. The fall, it has the potential to ruin any marriage. And when we resist God's commands, If you're listening to this tonight and you say, I'm not going to obey this command from God, what you're doing is you're inviting sin into your marriage. You're inviting your flesh to control your relationship. You're inviting the curse into your marriage. You're being like Cain. You're allowing sin to control you and dominate you. When God has graciously warned you what's necessary for your marriage to be the joy and blessing it should be, but if we will submit ourselves to God's commands, the gospel has the power to work in our lives and to change us. The gospel can take any chauvinistic, harsh, unloving, passive men and make them loving, tender, compassionate, godly leaders. The gospel can take any women who are controlling, manipulative, domineering, disrespectful, and submissive. and make them respectful, loving, gentle, give them that meek and quiet spirit that 1 Peter 3 discusses. That's what the gospel has the power to do, but it requires that we be committed to surrendering ourselves to Jesus Christ and obeying Him and not giving ourselves over to the flesh. Now these commands, this is what we'll start looking at in our second message. What I'd like you to do now is I would like to invite you to pray with me Pray with me that we will be burdened to obey these commands as we encounter them over the next four messages. Father, we thank you so much for your word. We thank you for the commands that it contains. Even more so, we thank you for the power to obey them through the gospel working in our hearts and lives. And so I would come before you, Lord, and I would pray if there's anyone in here who has not yet surrendered their life to Christ, anyone who has not repented of their sins, they do not have the power in their own effort to obey you. They are doomed to frustration. We pray you would save them. We pray you would open their hearts, plant the gospel deeply in it. And for the believers here, I do thank you for their commitment to come out on a Friday evening, listen to someone that maybe they don't know very well, and I pray that you would honor the sacrifice they're making for their marriages and being here. Really a desire to hear what you have to say And so I pray that you would bless them, Lord, and give them that desire to obey what your word says, because then we know that's how we can have the marriages that are the gift and blessing that you desire them to be. We ask all this in Jesus' name. Amen. Amen, amen.