Wretched Radio begins in three, two, one. Your first mission is to keep yourself happy. It's living for self that is so exhausting and frustrating because you were made to live for Him. So when you begin to please Him, you begin to thrive. It's not a burden. It's not a duty. It's a joy. I come alive. This is what I was made for. It's time for Wretched Radio with Todd Friel. Non-flicks. It's never your fault, right? This is Wretched Radio. Hey, I'm Jimmy Hicks, not Todd Friel. No, we're doing something a bit different again today. We're going to be stepping into one of our resources, conflict, with Todd and Dr. John Street. We're going to dig into what really causes conflict in our lives. And here's a bit of a spoiler alert. It's probably not what you think. Chances are very good in your life, you have got somebody at this moment with whom you have something of a head-butting issue going on, a difference of opinion. We are going to take a look and see what the Bible says about your conflicts. And I believe that everybody is going to see and experience, wow, That book really cuts to the heart of the issue and gets to it. And so what you're going to be seeing right now is basically what I just saw the other day. I sat in on a seminar that you delivered at our church on peacemaking. Correct? Isn't that what the subject was about? Well, no, it's really about reconciliation. No, no, no, no. It's about peacemaking. That's, that's the battle cry that we're supposed to be peacemakers. If you go to a counselor, they will bring about peace. What does biblical counseling, how do they describe conflict resolution? Bringing people together from a biblical standpoint is much more than just merely making peace. We're talking about total and absolute complete reconciliation, whereby the relationship is better than it was prior to the conflict, better than it was prior to the rift that occurred between those particular parties. That's what we're talking about in relationship to reconciliation. And Jesus talks about that. In Matthew chapter five, Now listen to what he says. There we go with the Bible business. Matthew chapter five. It's New Testament. Yes, that's the New Testament. That's exactly right. In the Sermon on the Mount. All right. Jesus talks about in verse 23, therefore, if you are presenting your offering at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering, verse 24, there before the altar, go first, and he doesn't just say make peace. Peacemaking is a part of it. Reconciliation is a much broader issue. He says, first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Reconciliation, peacemaking, and in a sense, the way that secular, words are used, conflict resolution. Those are just smaller steps in the broader reconciliation process, along with forgiveness later on, restitution that needs sometimes to be made, repentance and understanding of repentance. All of that is critical. And then maybe we could say, one of the greatest barriers to true reconciliation is actually going to be getting at the true issue of pride that's deep in that person's heart. All right. So the world recognizes some of the truth that there needs to be peace between the parties, but you're saying, yeah, but the Bible goes way bigger than that. So let's get to the heart of the issue. I'm in conflict with somebody. My natural inclination is, you know what the problem is, don't you? Them. Yes. All right. What is the fundamental issue when it comes to conflict? What's going on? Yeah. I remember having a a husband and wife come to me for counseling. One particular time, they had been married for about 15 years. And I remember it became very, very apparent that she was there to change her husband. That's exactly what she wanted to do. Well, that's always the problem. And of course he was there to change her, but she seemed to have especially that particular desire. And so I said to her, I said, how long have you been married? She said, 15 years. And I said, how long have you been trying to change your husband? 15 years. 15 years. That's right. So you expect me in these few sessions to do something that you haven't been able to do in 15 sessions. Is that right? That's right. But that's not going to work. It'll work that way. But I wanna fix you. Yeah, yeah. The Bible comes along and points the finger in a different direction. Yes, and that's it. We have to realize that we're a significant part of that conflict. And we have to take an honest look at our own hearts. This is really critical. While we're all turning our Bibles to James chapter four, most likely nobody's watching anymore because you just said, I'm a part of the problem. I live with that woman. I live with those kids and I know that they are the problem. And so along come you with your Bible to say, not so fast. Now, are you saying that other people in the house are not culpable for anything in the relationship? Absolutely not. No, they're culpable for their own sins. All right, they're responsible before God, even sins of ignorance, the things that they're blinded to, they don't even realize that they're doing. They're culpable for those things. But the first place to start in any kind of reconciliation process is with your own heart. That has got to be the first place. I just, I'm sorry, but I want to camp here just for a moment because that is hard. Because my sense of things, right, wrong, or indifferent, is I'm the wounded party. I have been hurt in this. If you had any idea what she says to me, what she does to me, the debt she has racked up on my credit cards, the rumors that have been spread, I have been hurt in this, and you are saying, that's all true, perhaps, but we're gonna start with you. Yeah, I start there because that's where Christ starts. In any kind of conflict resolution that's going to take place, you've got to start with the individuals that are involved. They've got to recognize their own personal culpability before God. We see Jesus doing that throughout the New Testament and especially in the Sermon on the Mount, but other places as well. And we can see this in the epistles as well. And this is the reason why I had you turn over to James chapter 4, because he talks about the fact Here, the book of James was written by the half-brother of Jesus, and he, in a sense, reiterates the core of Jesus's teaching. He listened to him carefully, and now he's applying that in a very practical way to where the church is. All right, now, before you jump in, I'm sorry, because I know how this feels, because I remember this. It's like, Me? You're clueless. These other people have been driving me bonkers. Okay, so I get the feeling that they're the problem and I want you to fix them. Now, let's just say, John, just for the sake of a scenario, let's say overall, I'm pretty innocent. We'll use family as the dynamic here. Overall, I've been a pretty decent husband. I'm not abusive. I do my job. I do the dishes. I help out with the kids. Overall, been doing pretty good. And let's just say I have got a nag. She is a shrew of a wife, okay? And overall, she is the problem. Are you still saying, start with my own heart? Yes, absolutely. Still saying that. Because even though your wife may have a tongue that slices you and dices you, The issue is, how am I responding to that? What's going on in my heart in response? This doesn't excuse your spouse. Maybe it's your husband that's mistreating you in some way. It doesn't excuse you for your own personal response to them. You've got to take a look at that carefully. And one of the problems is the Bible constantly talks about the fact that we have a better view of our own hearts than what the reality truly is. That's the problem. That's the reason why Deuteronomy chapter eight, God talks about the reason why he took the children of Israel in verse two through the wilderness. He didn't take them through the wilderness so that he could know their hearts. He already knew he was omniscient. I mean, if God doesn't, If God doesn't know our hearts, then obviously he's not omniscient. Right. No, he already knows our hearts. He took them through the wilderness experience, he says, so that they can know their hearts. The implication is they thought they knew their hearts like we do. but that we don't. And so we have to go through difficulties, trials. Sometimes that means a very difficult spouse, all right, to work with in order to teach us our own hearts. Some people are good learners on that. Other people are very slow learners on that. It's hard. And if we don't do that, this is the first critical step. Later on, the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew 7, Jesus emphasizes that again, and he uses strong hyperbole to do so. He talks about going around, taking out, the Greek term there is particles, taking a particle out of other people's eyes. It's like these particles are like what we would call little dust particles in our eyes. Imagine if I came to you, Todd, and I said to you, I see that dust particle in your eye. Here, let me grab that for you. You'd be going, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. When all along, Jesus says, I have a log hanging out of my eye, all right? In other words, we're very quick at really being refined at the wrongs in which other people do, but we're not very quick at seeing what's going on in my own heart and life. I'm blind to that area. I'm blind. So we have to start with that individual's heart. Where are you? Are you really ready to make the changes that need to happen? You can see this also in the book of Hebrews earlier in the book of Hebrews chapter four, one of the main reasons that God did not permit the children of Israel to go into the promised land from the wilderness experience was because they were carrying the same hearts they had in the wilderness experience, right in the promise line. Sure, their circumstances would be better, but their hearts would be the same, all right? And that's the way a lot of people, Lord, change my circumstances. Their prayers are full of that. but not really change me in my circumstances, because we don't want that. That's too hard to admit, that I'm actually a part of this problem. I've got to see this, and I've got to look to resolve this issue. As it turns out, the Bible is not just telling us to get along, it's calling us to something far deeper. But before you can resolve conflict, you've got to deal with your own heart. That's where Todd and Dr. Jon Street are going to go next on Wretched Radio. You know that awkward moment when your theology starts to collide with real life? You know, when you're quoting Romans in your head while you're losing it in traffic? Yeah, we've all been there, and that's why we created Integrated with Dr. John Grotz. It's one of the brand new productions of Fortis Institute that helps you take biblical truths, the ones that are stuck in your head, and actually help you to live them out. Because honestly, let's face it, theology isn't just for Sunday mornings. And so while you're listening to Integrate It with Dr. Jon Kratz and learning to bridge that head to heart gap, we encourage you to also go by fortisinstitute.org and sign up to become a Fortis Insider because it's absolutely, totally free. Every day, we're gonna send you fresh content that helps you navigate this crazy, brave new world. Think of it as your daily dose of biblical sanity. And while you're there, you can download the Fortis Plus app, also free, you sense the theme here, and get instant access to hundreds of hours of content that'll help you stand firm when the culture is trying to knock you over. Just visit FortisInstitute.org. Perhaps you've been wondering, is there a Christian university that isn't woke? Or that hasn't compromised on important biblical doctrines like, you know, the age of the earth? There is. It's the Masters University in Southern California. Beautiful campus, all of the athletics and activities that you've come to expect from universities. But it's more than that. The academic programs are most excellent preparing students for the future. The Washington Post just said number six for preparing students for the real world. All that plus The Masters University isn't woke, and it is thoroughly biblical. Would you like to learn more? I encourage you to visit the Masters University at masters.edu slash wretched, masters.edu slash wretched. You notice how the world feels a lot different lately? At Fortis Institute, we see it too, and we're responding with even more resources to help you stand strong. Every single day, you get fresh video content that addresses today's critical issues. You get podcasts on marriage, parenting, and theology, biblical insight from trusted voices like Pastor Brad Bickney and Dr. John Krotz, plus Gary Barbell's weekly cartoons that are funnier than any dad joke you can ever hear from me. Todd made me say it. Best of all, everything is absolutely free through our Fortis Plus app. From Transform with Dr. Gregg Gifford to Way of Manhood with Dr. Adam Tyson, we are equipping believers like you to thrive in this brave new world. So join thousands of Christians who are already growing stronger in their faith every single day. Just visit FortisInstitute.org or download Fortis Plus right now. Now, always free and always faithful to God's Word. Fortis Institute at fortisinstitute.org. Books of the Bible. Jude was the brother of the Lord Jesus Christ. He wrote an epistle to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints. He contends for the faith with a passionate and vehement attack against false teachers. When you want to know God's concern for the truth, Jude has 25 intense verses just for you. This is Wretched Radio with Todd Freel. Why do we fight? Is it really because of what someone else did or is there something deeper going on? This is Wretched Radio and I'm Jimmy Hicks. We're doing something a bit different today, stepping into our resource conflict with Todd and Dr. John Street. And right now they're going to dig into James 4 to show us that conflict isn't just about what's happening around you. It's about what's ruling your heart. The heart of the problem is the problem of the heart. I wrote that in its trademark, so don't even think about taking it. Prove that from your well-highlighted Bible. Certainly, absolutely. Obviously, James, in James chapter 4, talks about this very issue. He asks the question first, what is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Now, in our day and age in society today, I think most people who have been somewhat psychologized will say, well, that's easy to answer. I'm a caloric and I'm married to a sanguine, or I'm a melancholy and I'm married to a phlegmatic, or whatever the case may be. Or many people know the old adage, men are from Mars and women are from Venus. All right, that type of thing. As if all of these minor distinguishing characteristics of people are somehow fixed in them. And you just have to learn your spouse's unique personality. And when you learn their unique strengths and weaknesses that are a part of that particular personality, then you can adjust to them and everything's going to be well. Or I'll scratch your back. I'll learn what your itch is. And then you'll scratch mine and we'll get along better. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, and a lot of Christians read that kind of stuff and they think, well, that's what, and then they find themselves right back in the same conflicts over and over and over again. And ultimately it's not really helping. The Bible says that's absolutely nonsense. In fact, from a biblical perspective, personality is very fluid, it's not fixed. I'm not the same personality I was when I graduated from high school. And I tell my students, you ought to be happy about that. You really ought to be happy about that. I'm changed. God has changed me. That's the role of progressive sanctification in a person's life, to change a person so that they're different people. Well, what is the source of quarrels and conflicts? Is it your personality? No. He says, is it not the source, your pleasures that wage war in your members? It's what you think is going to bring you happiness. If I just had a better husband, if I had a better wife, if I had better kids, if I had a better teacher, if I had a better, you fill in the blank. More money, different house, better clothing, whatever it is. Yeah, that's the thing that's- Then I'll be happy. Yeah, then I'll be happy. That's what's going to bring me pleasure. That is a deep rooted heart issue because your spouse or whoever you're having a conflict with is going to have their ideas of what's going to bring happiness. And then your ideas of what's going to bring happiness. And those two things are gonna bring a classic collision in that home. That's what's gonna happen. And he says in verse two, you lust, which is just the New Testament way of describing as an intense craving inside. You lust and you do not have, so you commit murder. Now I don't believe the Christians were running around necessarily murdering each other here at this point in the Jerusalem church that James is writing to. My mouth. Yeah, yeah. I murder with my words. Yeah, and I murder also in my heart. I live in LA and I use the illustration frequently where we have huge traffic problems in LA. Oh yeah. Oh my goodness. It's horrible. And you can go to the auto parts store and you can buy this little thing to mount on your dashboard. When you get into a traffic jam, it has little buttons on it. And one of them is a missile, and the other one is a machine gun, and one is a grenade launcher. And you can be shooting missiles and machine guns and launching grenades at cars in front of you, figuratively blowing them up because you are in my way type of thing. This goes back to what Jesus talked about in the Sermon on the Mount. If you have hate in your heart, the heart of a hater and the heart of a murderer is the same heart, it's just that one has acted it out and the other one hasn't. It's just the same heart being acted out. So this is what's going on. They were hating one another because, you know, the other person and their ideas of what bring them pleasure would not agree with what they thought brought them, gonna bring them pleasure. And so there was this collision, there was hatred there. All right, before you keep going with James chapter four. Okay, yeah. Let's paint some very realistic pictures. Okay, good. Because we might be thinking, your spouse doesn't make you happy, you want your spouse to make you happy, so you murder, you go to war. But it can be more subtle than that. I come home, I have been working very hard today. I really would like a peaceful home. It's not. In fact, it's a mess. Dishes, there's no food cooking, the kids are yelling, there's bikes in the front yard. Smell dirty diapers everywhere. Whatever it is, that's where this verse comes into play, does it not? It does. In these little tiny mundane things. Well, you see, expectations set us up for failure, all right? We expect things to be such and such when we arrive home, and then when we don't see it that way, then we get upset, we get angry. In fact, expectations are the fertile ground for idolatrous desires to arise in our heart. I mean, I may start off my day really wanting to be God's kind of man. I also have other wants that compete with that. I want to have a good day at work. I want my wife to greet me with a smile and have a beautiful dinner when I get home after my hard day's work. But that expectation becomes so deep in my heart. I crave that so much that that becomes more important than being God's kind of man now. So what do I call, biblically, what do I call what just happened? That's idolatry. That's when this desire now reigns and becomes a functional God in my heart. And when I don't get what I really want, then I go to war. All right? This is where I become hateful. and angry and mean and vindictive. Or some people go the other direction and it's just as sinful where they withdraw, they become sullen, they become depressed and moody and refuse to communicate with their spouse. That's when this has become an idolatrous desire. Now, no longer is it, I want to be God's kind of man. Now it's, I want my wife to be a certain way. I want my- To please me. To please me. My pleasure. Because that's the most important thing in the universe. Yep. Back to the mundane. Yep. They're getting ready to go to church, to go out to dinner. Yep. He walks out of the closet and he's wearing that. Yeah. And she gets mad. Yeah. because her need was for him to look a certain way as they go out to dinner for whatever was motivated in her heart. But her desire for her husband to look a certain way has become so important, she's willing to go to war. That's right, exactly. Okay, so this is getting into the minutiae of our lives. Yeah, of every life. This is getting into the cracks and the fissures. Would I be wise then when I find myself bubbling up on the inside, however it manifests itself, to stop and go, all right, who's the idol here? What am I desiring here? Would that be a good time to just put on the brakes and do a heart check? Yes. Teaching a person on how to evaluate their own heart. In fact, when you're doing that, you're teaching a person actually to be brutally honest with themselves, which is really hard to do. All right. How can I be brutally honest with myself and evaluate my own heart in that situation? Here's a wife who expects their husband to wear a certain thing when they're going out to dinner, and she believes it's a reflection maybe upon herself, on what he wears. If he wears something that clashes or it's a tie that doesn't go along with the dress that she's wearing, then she elevates that to Biblically, biblical authoritative level, that becomes a sin to her, when in reality, in the Bible, it's not a sin at all, all right? But it's a preference that she has. Why is she willing to go to war with that? Because there's something deep in her heart that is essentially saying, listen, this is more important to me than anything. even being God's kind of woman or God's kind of wife. That's the most important thing. And when those desires, those subtle desires start off and they get elevated to a biblical authoritative level, then they become functional gods in our life. They reign and rule roughshod over everything that goes on in my life. Here's another one. For example, Christian parents can have great desires for their kids. And this is a desire that actually starts off being a very legitimate desire. I want my children to love the Lord. I want my children- That's good. Yeah, to be saved and to pray a prayer of salvation and faith. I want that. Now, that's a very legitimate desire. But even that desire, can become an idolatrous desire. How do we know? Because as years go by and the parents don't see their kids doing that kind of a thing, they don't make a commitment. In fact, their kids seem to be walking further and further away from the faith and they become angry, hateful, mean towards their kids when they don't see it, or they withdraw and become sullen and depressed and non-communicative with their kids, you can tell that that desire that started off, this is something that God wanted, God wants, but now it becomes a functional God in their life, more important than being God's kind of mom, God's kind of dad. No, no, I want my kids, my whole success, my evaluation of success in my life are children that love the Lord with their whole heart. And we rationalize that that is legitimate when in reality, it's become sinful. in our life, and we get angry over that. So it's not just bad desires that lead to conflict. Sometimes it's good desires turned into idols. And how do you know when you've crossed that line? That's where Todd and Dr. John Strait are going to take us next, breaking down the difference between righteous and unrighteous anger. This is Wretched Radio. God has given the Church many gifts for the building up of the body. One gift is mercy. Those who possess this gift are able to show compassion and comfort the afflicted, people who are sick, dying or bereaved. God cares about the things that afflict us and has provided comfort in troubled times. This is Wretched Radio with Todd Friel. So what does real repentance look like? This is Wretched Radio and I am Jimmy Hicks, not Todd Friel. No, we are stepping into our resource conflict today with Todd and Dr. John Street. So is repentance just feeling bad and saying you're sorry, or is it something deeper than that? The ongoing life of repentance is a part of the Christian walk. We repent and put our trust in Jesus Christ. We're talking about salvation. And we are past, present, and future forgiven, seen as righteous. And yet, we're simul justus et peccator. We are seen as righteous while sinning. And that's the problem. There's our conflict. And I need to be repenting of my sins. leaving it up to God to work on that person's heart to repent of their sins, because without that repentance, there's going to be constant conflict. Now, let's dive into what that repentance looks like. Because too often, we think that we can do repentance pretty quick, pretty easy, pretty painlessly. And it really is not. No, it's not. No, in fact, it may be difficult for us to do it the proper way. And sometimes I'll say to counselees, the more difficult this is, the harder it's going to be to go back into that sin. You'll remember this. In other words, if it's too easy, it's gonna be too easy for you to go back and repeat that sin again. No, I mean, changing our nature, this is not something we do, it's God that does this in us. But when we repent, God changes our essential nature. That's hard because we're taking a whole new direction in life, a whole new approach in life, one that's holding completely dedicated to serving Him and glorifying Him. Now, when we're talking about what is involved there, we're talking about 2 Corinthians 7. This is the description of repentance, a work that I'm seeking to do in my own heart by the power of the Holy Spirit. So this is that synergistic effort with God himself. Ultimately, I can't fundamentally change my own nature. I can't do that. Only God can do that. But God promises to do that. He changes who I am when I sincerely repent. All right, so 2 Corinthians 7, verse 10 talks about there is a difference here between godly sorrow and worldly sorrow. All right, there is a worldly type of sorrow that we can have over sin, and that's not what we're looking for. And Paul talks about this, for the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret. Now, if we stop there for a moment, What we're talking about here is the fact, because we left our sin, we turned our back on the sin that we were committing, we don't regret turning our back on that sin. We don't regret that. It's behind us. There are some people who are like Lot's wife, where her body had left Sodom and Gomorrah, but her heart was still back there. She's still looking over her shoulder longingly to be back in the city where God had told her to leave. And so God turns her to a pillar of salt. A lot of people leave their sin like that. That's not godly sorrow. Real repentance and real godly sorrow has no regret. I'm happy I left that sin. I am rejoicing over the fact that I'm not caught up with this sin anymore. I'm rejoicing that I'm doing the right thing. In interpersonal relationships, if there's been a conflict, where I've been returning evil for evil, where I believe somebody's been doing evil to me and I'm doing evil back, I don't do that anymore. In fact, I'm trying to overcome their evil with goodness, as Romans 12 says. So I'm happy I've left my old ways behind of returning evil for evil, insult for insult. I'm happy to have done that. There's no regret there whatsoever. But worldly sorrow, the sorrow of the world produces death. In other words, there's no substantive change in that person. There's no change of nature that has gone on in them. And as a result of that, they have kind of an outward sorrow. You can see this in Cain, even after he murdered his brother. There was a sorrow. He was afraid that people were going to dislike him and be after him. And you can see that also in Esau for selling his birthright. He had a sorrow, but it was a worldly sorrow. He didn't care anything about the glory of God. It's all about what he had lost in that. There are a lot of people that are like that. Okay, so like, and Judas Iscariot, so the difference between a metanoia and a metamelemi is, ah, I hate that I've sinned against God, I hate that I've sinned against somebody that I love, I hate sin, versus, oh, the consequences. This is gonna be a big bummer. That's worldly. And that doesn't affect change. It's the former that we're looking for. That's right, there is no change of nature there. I just feel bad about what happened. I may actually shed a lot of tears. That doesn't mean I'm repentant. The amount of tears shed doesn't equal repentance. I may shed a lot of tears about it. Now, if you're truly repentant in a godly way, and God has essentially changed our nature, and now I don't want to go back to that sin, I may shed tears, but it doesn't mean that all true repentance is always accompanied with tears. But because I am gonna be sorrowful, I'm gonna be mournful over the fact that I offended the God that I profess to love, and I also have done wrong maybe to a person that I was in conflict with. All right, so I've got a conflict. Here it is. I look at myself. I'm culpable in some way, shape, or form. I'm seeking this type of repentance in myself. Now, this just tells us right away, this is a big work that's going on here. Conflict, being biblically reconciled, This is a bit of a, this is a work and this can take some time. Now let's keep diving into this concept of repentance. This is from the seminar that you've delivered on the subject. You break it down, the elements of true repentance. One, comprehending. Yes, comprehending it means I fully understand where I have sinned. I understand that. I understand that this is not just a sin against God. It is also a sin against the person who I am in conflict with. And I am able to understand that, and I am able to see where I've sinned from a biblical perspective, and I'm willing to acknowledge that both to God and that individual. that I've sinned against them, hopefully when I acknowledge it to God, then God is instantly able to forgive me. We'll talk about that probably a little bit later. And then the person then has a biblical responsibility to forgive me as well in that. But I need to comprehend exactly all that I've done in being an offense to God and His holiness. That's really critical. So I get it, and then I confess it. Yes, I confess it. And I mentioned this a little bit earlier, that confession is that Greek term homogeo, which means to say the same thing as, and it is something that means to say the same thing that God says about it. I see that area or that attitude or the words that I use in my life, it's ungodly, it's wicked, and I label that as sin. I put a label on it. I confess it as sin before God. I don't tell God I'm sorry. Nowhere in the Bible does it ever say we're supposed to say we're sorry. Nowhere in the Bible, and in a good translation of the Bible, I should say, does it ever say we're supposed to apologize. No, maybe we'll talk about that a little bit later too. But we are to acknowledge that we sinned and seek forgiveness. That's what confession does. And when we repent then, which is, Genuine confession is proved to be right and genuine by the repentance that flows from it. Then we repent. There's a whole change of life that occurs in me. All right, so let's see this playing itself out. I have sinned against you. True repentance perhaps takes some time to recognize, okay, how have I wounded? How have I hurt? What grief have I caused? What pain? What are the consequences of all of this? So rather than just a, hey, John, you know that thing I said about you, sorry. That's not what's going on here. This is deeper than that and more thoughtful for that than that and a bigger process than that. So it requires recognizing the damage that I've done and genuinely being sorry for that. That's right. Short of that, I have not really been seeking biblical reconciliation. I've been kind of seeking just to get through this thing and get on with life. Yeah, I've just been dumping my feelings on you on how I feel. I feel bad that this happened. All right, type of thing. And we become big emotional dump trucks that back up and plop feelings on people rather than really seeking. Let me give you an illustration of this. If I had sinned against you and I came to you and I said, Todd, I've, you know, I've sinned. I'm really sorry about that. What I've done is I've just expressed to you that I feel really bad about what happened. And that's all you know. Then what you usually do is going to say, well, No problem, forget it, no big, you know, don't let it bother you, type of thing. But that doesn't do anything to the rift in our relationship. But if I were to come to you and I were to say to you, Todd, I sinned against you. First it was a sin against God, and then it's a sin against you, and I know it, I own it, and I own full responsibility for it. Will you forgive me? Now I throw the ball in your court. You gotta do something with that ball. And you have to think, all right, do I want to forgive him? And then you say, okay, I'm willing to forgive you, John. So you throw that ball back. It is that exchange that takes place that begins, it's the first step in healing that rift 24 hours a day. towards a better relationship that's fully and completely reconciled in the long run. So repentance is not just about avoiding the consequences, it's about a changed heart. And without that, conflict will never get resolved. So how do you know if your repentance is genuine? What's the difference between godly sorrow and just feeling bad? Stick around, more from our resource, Conflict, with Todd and Dr. Jon Street, coming up next on Wretched Radio. Hey, thanks for listening to Wretched Radio today. You know that moment when you're scrolling through your newsfeed on social media and everything just feels upside down? Yeah, that's the culture we're living in right now. But you know what gets me excited? At Fortis Institute, we're not just watching on the sidelines. We've assembled a team of incredible voices who are diving deep into God's word every single day. I'm talking about Dr. John Kratz helping you integrate theology into real life, or Dr. Adam Tyson who is speaking truth into young men's hearts, or Pastor Brad Bigney transforming marriages from surviving to thriving. But here's the thing, while we're standing strong, that's what Fortis means by the way, we need gospel partners who'll stand with us. People who will look at the culture and say, you know what? The church needs more than just encouragement. 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This is about saving those who are staggering to the slaughter, period. Preborn.org slash wretched. Preborn.org slash wretched. 25 years. That's a quarter century of standing firm for biblical truth. This is Wretched Radio. Through every cultural shift, every challenge, every opportunity to proclaim God's truth, you've been with us. And for that, you're grateful. What started as Wretched Radio has grown into something remarkable. Today, as part of Fortis Institute, we're reaching more believers than ever before. Our daily podcasts and radio shows, video content and biblical resources continue to strengthen local churches and equip the saints just as we've done for 25 years. But none of this would be possible without faithful partners like you. You've helped us reach millions with the unchanging truth of God's word. As we celebrate this milestone, we're reminded that our mission remains the same, serving the king of kings by strengthening his church. Join us at fortisinstitute.org as we continue this journey together for 25 more years of faithful service. Until tomorrow, go serve your king. Attributes of God. God is just. Since He is the standard of right and wrong, every judgment He makes is right and just. He rewards good and punishes evil. The good news for sinners is that the just God offers to justify you through the atoning work of Christ, so that your sins are punished on the cross and Jesus' righteous deeds are accounted to you. This is Wretched Radio with Todd Freel. Forgive and forget. That's the model, right? Not exactly. This is Wretched Radio. Hey, I'm Jimmy Hicks, and we've been walking through one of our resources, Conflict, with Todd and Dr. John Street today. And now we're going to get to biblical forgiveness. What does it actually look like? Is it conditional or is it unconditional? Does it require repentance? Well, let's get those questions answered now. So here's what we've got in my conflict with somebody which is inevitable. I look not to my opponent, I look to my own self and my own heart and I recognize I've got sin that needs to be dealt with. That's correct. So recognizing that, we move into the next step of actual reconciliation, not just glossing over, not just pretending things didn't happen, just forget about it and move on. No, we want to go deeper than that and even improve the relationship prior to the conflict that involves genuine repentance. And if you recall our MIME presentation, Our rift exists because of sin. That's what's in between. So we've got to deal with that sin issue. I deal with my own sin in my own heart, confessing it to them, saying that I'm sorry, asking for forgiveness, repenting from them. Whether they repent or not, but now let's just say they do, whether it's genuine, sincere, as contrite as I'd like it to be, we still have not healed the rift. What is the third component of biblical reconciliation? It's got to be biblical forgiveness. And this is where I think a lot of Christians, again, get very tripped up because they read passages in the Bible that on the one hand say we're supposed to forgive everyone of everything. And then they read other passages in the Bible where it talks about that we can't forgive a person until they are repentant. Well, what is really going on there? We talked about this a little bit earlier, about the fact when it came to repentance, that there is actually a judicial form and a parental form of repentance. Judicial form is prior to the time that a person becomes a believer, they need to repent before God so that that issue is settled. As a sinner, they need to lay their lives before the Lord and cling to Him as their only possible Savior. But then after a person has become a believer, then they still need to continually repent of sin. And that's on a parental level, because now God is our parent. Same thing's true with forgiveness. We have to seek God's forgiveness in salvation prior to us coming to Christ. That is that judicial forgiveness. And then after we come to Christ in salvation, then we seek God's parental forgiveness. So there's that twofold thing. Well, To be truly forgiving, we have to have been forgiven. That's a critical issue. In fact, this is where Ephesians chapter four and verse 32 is very, very clear. And there are many Christians who struggle with forgiving other people because they don't understand what the forgiveness is really built upon. So Ephesians chapter four and verse 32 talks about this. It says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other just as God in Christ also has forgiven you. In other words, our forgiveness of one another is based upon the fact that we have been forgiven. We forgive people the same way that God has forgiven us. What does that usually mean? Well, that usually means because God has forgiven us, he has gone on public record saying he will forgive us. A couple examples of this. We go back to Jeremiah chapter 31. And here, Jeremiah within the context here is talking about the new covenant. And here in Jeremiah 31, at the end of verse 34, he says, God says here in talking of the new covenant that is to come, he says, for I will forgive their iniquity and their sin. I will remember no more. Now that particular statement is not found in the Mosaic covenant. It's not found in the Abrahamic covenant, but it is found in the new covenant. And God is not saying here that he forgets our sins. God doesn't forget anything. If God forgot people's sins, then he's forgotten half of his Bible because half of his Bible is about people's sins. God does not forget our sins. But the wording is very specific here. He says, I will not remember it. Forgetting is very passive. Not remembering is very active. In other words, God actively does not hold our sins against us. And he goes on public record saying he will not do so because of the atoning work of Jesus Christ on the cross. Our sins are no longer held against us. Corrie ten Boom used to say, God takes our sins, plants us in the deepest part of the sea, and puts up a new fishing sign. All right, that's a good illustration of that, because God actively does not hold our sins against us. Well, when we do the same thing with people, we're basically saying one of three things. Number one, I'm not gonna throw this up in your face so as to hurt you. I'm not going to do that in the future. I forgive you. Now, unless it would be to your good that I remind you of that sin, I'm never going to hold this as ammunition against you. That's the first thing. The second thing is I'm promising when I forgive you, I'm going on record. It's a promise of a pardon. I'm promising not to talk about that behind your back. I'm not going to go around, talk to other people and slander your name and hold that against you. It's a settled issue on that issue. And then the third one, and I think this is the hardest one of the three, is I'm promising first not to bring it up to you. I'm promising not to bring it up to others. And the third one is I'm promising not to bring it up to myself. In other words, I'm not going to dwell on it and become bitter and resentful towards you. And sometimes that's one of the hardest aspects of forgiveness, because we like to think of ourselves as victims. We like to wallow in our own self-pity. Look what they've done to me. Look how I have been hurt. But the Bible says when we offer forgiveness, we don't do that any longer. We don't bring it up to them. We don't bring it up to others. We don't bring it up to ourself. We go on public record, identifying that in terms of forgiveness. That's what we must do. Now, what do we do with this? How do we handle this issue of, in some places, the Bible talks about the fact that we are to forgive people of all of their sins, no matter what they may be, and then the fact that forgiveness is based upon repentance. How do we handle that issue? Well, I think one of the best ways to do that is to understand that the New Testament describes two full aspects of forgiveness. One is what I like to refer to oftentimes as attitudinal forgiveness. This is where the issue of the, other person sin against me, I release, attitudinally. A good example of that is Mark chapter 11 and verse 25, where Jesus is talking about going to the temple to pray. And there, if you're in the temple, and in verse 25, you realize somebody has sinned against you, He says, whenever you stand praying, forgive if you have anything against anyone so that your father who is in heaven will also forgive you your transgressions. Now, the person who's offended you in this context is not present. It's only you and God. So this is a prayer before God, where we're basically saying, all right, in my heart before God, I am willing to forgive them of anything, no matter what it is, no matter how small the offense, no matter how great the offense is, that's really critical before God. We've got to be willing to do that in our heart. That's attitudinal forgiveness. That's really critical. All right, before you scoot, is it fair to put it like this? My attitude about the offending party is forgiveness. I want forgiveness. This is what I desire. I don't wanna be like, well, maybe if. No, this is what I really, really want. Is that my attitude, no forgiveness? That's gotta be it, and that's gotta be a great attitude, because in doing so, we're being just like God is. And Psalm 86 in verse five, it talks about, for you, Lord, are good and ready to forgive. That's what the Hebrew says. They're ready to forgive and abundant in loving kindness to all who call upon you. You trace that little phrase to all who call upon you, and it's synonymous with the idea of repentance. So God is ready to forgive everyone who is genuinely repentant. There's not gonna be a single person in heaven who is unrepentant. All right, everybody will be repentant. That is the condition of forgiveness, it always is. There is no such thing as unconditional forgiveness. I know that that has been incorporated into Christianity today through psychology in order to help people feel good, but in reality, there's no such thing. Every sin that has ever been committed that we've been forgiven of is only conditioned upon the fact that we have repented. It's conditioned upon the fact that Christ's blood has covered that sin. All of those are conditions. There's no such thing as unconditional forgiveness that's going on there. So then, If that's the case, attitudinally, we've got to be like God here, where we're ready to forgive the other person, even though they may not have repented at this particular point. But then what happens then next? I can't offer forgiveness, Jesus says, to the other person until they repent. So forgiveness is not just about moving on. It's about reflecting Christ. This resource, Conflict, it is packed full of information that we just did not have the time to get to today. Here's the good news. You can listen to and watch this entire resource in its entirety absolutely free at Fortis Plus. Just go to fortisinstitute.org slash conflict, Conflict with Todd Friel and Dr. John Street. And until tomorrow, go serve your king.