All right, you can take your Bibles and turn to Ephesians chapter two, which is where we should get after a while. I mean, that's the plan. All right. It is a privilege to be here, always a privilege to fellowship with believers, see old friends, handle God's word. I know a lot of you from a lot of different places. Some of you have no clue who you are, but probably it's probably better that way. I was thinking that, you know, as you get older, I'm sure if your mom's in the room, everything she told you is true, is true. But a few things my mom told me turned out not to be. Like if you do that, your mouth will say that way. I think that was genetics. I don't think that was doing that. And that like if you ignore somebody who's really annoying, they'll go away. But Trevor's still here. It's like I keep trying to ignore him and you show up to forgive my mom for lying to me about that. But it is a pleasure to be here. The first thing I remember doing in life is asking Jesus to save me. The first of thousands of times I asked Jesus to save me. The first time I asked him, he did it. The rest of the time, he graciously ignored until I came to really trust in his grace. But he saved me the first time. Again, dating my wife on. We'd actually date. Yes, we didn't court or dork or whatever you do anymore. We dated and we dated. Our first date was on Valentine's Day, 1972. We were married when we were teenagers. Now you're all sorry you brought your kids because they had testimony. This is. There is some virtue in young, dumb and stupid. to get you by and we were all of that. I was almost twenty two weeks and I was twenty I was I was all together mature. It was within a few years that I was an assistant pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Anzal finishing my seminary training and we had two children. And my wife sat me down and said I'm leaving. The Scripture that we're going to deal with. In these times together are ones that I have found to be absolutely indispensable for my own personal and spiritual survival. I'd like to just talk to you for hours right in a row. You couldn't listen that long. I can talk that long. I'm going to try to talk fast. That I can do too. I'm going to try to talk not so fast you can't understand. I love to be able, when I'm doing something like this, to do Q&A while we're going. It's just more fun. Probably won't work because it's the strobing effect of the lights off my head. I'm not quite seeing your faces. Way too many lights in here. If I'm blinding you when I turn my head a certain way, just wave. I'll try to turn a different way. But I really, during the workshops time tomorrow, one of those workshops, It's for me to do. So my wife and I are just going to do a Q&A in there. So here's what I'd like you to do tonight. Seriously. There's somewhere on a piece of paper somewhere that isn't the hymnal or something that you would just start yourself a little list of, OK, Tim, yeah, I hear you. But what about. Because I'm going to say a lot of stuff. And as far as I know, it's all going to be true. I mean it to be true. And some of it will be stuff you've heard a thousand times and you'll be bored. And some of it might not be something you've heard before and you won't be bored, you might be annoyed. That'll be okay. So I really would like to answer your questions, truly. And I don't know what your questions are if you don't ask them. I can guess. So I really would encourage you Starting tonight and then tomorrow morning we're going to keep going on the same theme. Sunday too late because we're done leaving but at least for the first two times. Then after that we have a workshop and my wife and I will be in there and she'll tell you the truth. So you can ask me or her, OK Tim I know, I know what you said, I know the verse you used but what about this? What about that? That's a really important thing for us to do, to learn. And so you can start your but what about this tonight. And I trust you would be serious about that and then bring it with you to that workshop tomorrow so we can study together. In trying to hang the thoughts the truth from God's word the text that God used in my heart and life to really transform me in an exceedingly gracious and enormously painful way. There's different ways you can package that to talk through it. In the PowerPoint that I brought along, the way I'm doing it in this PowerPoint is to use the analogy of cultivating, of the farmer. I never was a farmer. I worked for one a few summers which is why I am not one today and I will never be one unless God makes me be one. So they work really hard and they pay very badly and so don't want to be a farmer. God bless you if you are one. So I've never really been one. It's not that kind of experience but that analogy is a very familiar analogy in scripture of cultivation. And so, that's kind of how I want to hang these life-changing truths for me. I don't know what they'll do for you. I know what they did for me. I want to hang them into this analogy of cultivating closeness, intimacy, which is not a woman thing, intimacy. It's why God made every one of us. It's why God, even when he refers to himself and us, uses words that reflect, that are used between a man and a woman in their physical relationship of knowing. Intimacy is what God is about. He made us to be with him. In one of these days, Jesus is coming back and he's going to take us to, he's going to take us home so that we can be with him and the Father and the Spirit and all brothers and sisters forever and ever and ever without interruption, without interference, without any distance. Intimacy is why we remain. But it's not how we live. Because of so many problems that have come into our lives. So we're going to be talking about cultivating closeness. That analogy brings up a couple of thoughts. We're talking about something that is deliberate, not accidental. It is something that is something that just doesn't happen by itself. We deliberately make the choice to do this. It just doesn't happen. Nobody gets lucky. It's not something that just is a matter of genetics or disposition. I mean, there are people who are genetically disposed to be nicer on the outside. But I've seen some of those nice people who are nice on the outside when the skin peels back off their face and the skeleton comes flying out of their head and you see what's really going on in their hearts and lives. So, we're talking about something deliberate, not accidental. We're talking about work. Not a walk in the park. We're talking about a process, not something that's done once and for all. Oh, did that already. Yeah. Indemnity. Yeah. Got that done. It reminds me every time I do premarital counseling. Because you're talking to these people, you know, and they're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're getting married. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, OK, now we get to the communication part, which that's what on Sunday morning we're going to be dealing with the Bible for that communication. So it's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's important. We do that. It's so good. fools. Well they remind me in our it is a meatpacking plant. It was called Hatfield packing the home of the Smiling Porker which was the happy pig who why they're happy they're happy because that's the way they cut them at the end of the butcher but but they always get off our exit of the turnpike and they're all like on they're all on the big truck. Hey we're going for a ride. This is great. All the friends going to There's a pig face on the building. Hey, he's happy. This is going to be great. No. They're dead. OK, so this is going to be great. It's like, oh, man, you're like that pig going to the slaughterhouse. This would be great. You have no clue. It's not something that is done and over. It's a lifelong engagement and endeavor. But you can never stop doing or you move backwards. It's progressive, not instant. As we talk about cultivation, we're talking about something that starts below the ground. And that's really where we're going to work from. So it's not going to be fun at first. When you dig in the hole, it just gets dirty. It's dark and dirty. So sorry, that's the intro for tonight. It's going to be dark and dirty. But it starts below the ground and then moves above the ground. And that's how we'll go as we study God's Word together. It deals with addressing the existing obstacles. Nobody gets there because it's easy for them to get there. When you see a couple who is genuinely close, not just appears to be close, not that are telling you they're close, because if they're telling you they're close, That's a really good clue that the person telling you behind them is there going like. Somebody who has really developed intimacy is somebody who knows that in their life there have been many real genuine obstacles hurdles that mountains that did not move out of the way. That had to be addressed. Not just name, claim, whack it on your head, it's gone. Hey, things are great now. Problems are all gone. It's great for TV, but there's a few other things on TV that aren't true either. So when we talk about cultivation, the farmer can wish that there'd be no rocks. Wish there's going to be no old, you know, mattress springs and wheels and axles buried in this field. You can wish it all you want. You can wish that the weather's going to be great. When did the farmer ever get the perfect year? I don't know when they get the perfect year. Too much rain is not enough rain. It's a lot of rain, but it's in the wrong time. It's snowing, it's too hot, it's too cold. When was the good year? So if it's not a good year for them to cultivate, well then we'll just give them the year off, right? They've got to find a way, right? They've got to find a way to cultivate a crop regardless. Period. Regardless. Which means they are going to every year confront new and aggressive obstacles that really would demand that they stop. And if they were just doing the math, they wouldn't do what they're doing. But they know it must be done, so they find a way to truly address the obstacles, rather than just fantasizing about Utopia and how nice it would be if I was pulling a different row, if I was plowing a different field, if I was married to somebody else, as was brought out in the skit earlier on. And for as much as it's funny, if we can bring it up, everybody, every married person in the room. Every married person in the room has dreamed of an easier situation. Because it's easier to dream of an easier situation and better what it would be like. I would if she would, but she won't, so I can't. But if I ever had the chance, if God somehow strikes her with lightning and changes her personality and everything's changed, then if she would change, then I will. And it's going, it'll be great. And I'll win the lottery without playing. And it'll be great. We're not talking about dreaming about utopia. We're talking about identifying real obstacles that exist in your life to intimacy. And there's no magic words that will make them go away. There's biblical obediences, strategies, things that God has called us to do and know and believe that address the mountains. It doesn't remove the mountains. It gives you the strength to tunnel through or get over top of them. But they don't go away. So this is going to require us. This is the three steps. This is going to require us. Same with the farmer thing. OK. This is going to require us to address the soil, the condition of the soil. That's what we're going to do tonight. Then tomorrow morning in the first hour, we're going to deal with the selection of the seed. Paul says in Galatians, be not deceived. God isn't enough, you know the verse. OK, so when he tells you, be very careful not to be tricked about selling and reaping. Why would he tell you to be very careful not to be tricked? Looks like you can pretend this is Sunday school and you say something now. Even though I can't see you. I know there's people there. Because you'll be tricked. And here's the tricky part about being tricked. Because if you're tricked, do you know it? Like, hmm. This is not one of those warnings like do this, you may not say that way. This is God saying you, you empty the room. It's just you and me. I'm talking to you. You. Are in perpetual danger of being tricked by this principle. When it comes to the way we select and plant seed in our life. We've got to prepare the soil. You select and plant the seed. Then on Sunday morning we'll be talking about primarily the communication part, which deals with weeding and feeding of our relationship. That's kind of how we're going to go with this. That's the plan. We'll see what happens. Tonight, let's just set the groundwork and talking about the soil. Again, I'm not Mr. Farmer, but I know they've got to do soil tests. They find out the chemicals. So it depends what the chemicals existing are in the soil right now, which ones they have to add to get it to the right spot and the right balance for the right crops. So we've got to spend a lot of time preparing the soil. That's what we're going to talk about. So let's talk about tonight, first of all, the nature of the soil. Our hearts and lives. Here's our problem. When we are talking about cultivating closeness In marriage, we're talking about cultivating our own hearts. And so I can't cultivate my wife's heart. We'll talk about that more tomorrow when we talk about sowing and reaping. But I can cultivate my own heart. That's the only heart I can actually cultivate, that I have direct say in. I can influence my wife. I can influence my children. I only have direct say in my own heart and life. Here's my problem with my heart, with the soil in my own heart. And that is, like you, I was born a sinner. We're all born sinners. Romans 3, 23, for all have sinned and come short of the glory of God. As sinners, we don't understand spiritual things. They're foolishness to us. We can't know them. They're spiritually discerned. 1 Corinthians 2, 14, right? You know that verse. So here's the deal. Here's this great book. God's Word. It's a family conference. We need the Bible. The Bible's the best. The Bible has all the answers, right? Yeah, but here's the deal. My heart in its natural state, because I'm a sinner, this might as well be Chinese. And even if I knew Chinese, because of my heart, what it says, I don't want to do. And even if I wanted to do it, I can't. So I'm pretty much stuck. Let's go home now. OK. Sorry. We had fun. Go home. You're toast. But this is the truth. These are some of the obstacles we have to deal with. Here's the truth. You were born a sinner. And as a sinner, naturally, you do not understand God's word. And if you understood it, you don't want to do it. And if you want to do it, you don't have the ability to do it. Something else that is true about us as sinners, and this is where it gets us to the Ephesian passages, as a sinner, I am I am still because I'm still a sinner, even though I've been saved by God's grace. I am while living and sucking air until the glorification. I am incorrigibly selfish. Ephesians, chapter two, now we'll actually read in our Bibles here. And you have the quickened who were dead in trespasses and sins, wherein in time past you walked according to the course of the swirl. According to the Prince of the Power of the Year, the Spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience, among whom also we all have our conversation in times past, in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind, and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others, but God." Big but there. "...but God, who is rich in mercy for His great love of which He loves us." And he goes on, and we'll get to that in a minute. Here's the issue. Paul says, I'm as bad as you are. We're all in the same boat. We were born this way. We live this way. We have lived committed to ourselves. So here's the problem with here. Here's the problem with marriage. Now, some of you, well, y'all act like we're not selfish. We all act nice. So that they'll be nice to us, we treat her nice, so she'll marry us. You go to games with him, so he'll marry you. He goes to the mall with you, so you'll marry him. You hate the game, he hates the mall. I took my wife to dirt track auto racing. The fries were as dirty as the track. The people were the ugliest people on the face of the earth. Sorry if you were there. I say you want to go to the shore. I'm pretty sure at this point that was a lie. I mean, she wanted to go someplace with me, but not there. So why do you do these things? We pretend we're selfless. We're not. Because if we don't get something for the big sacrifice we're making, then we're not making a sacrifice anymore. Even our first love for each other is like, oh, it's so wonderful. This first love is like whacked out, okay? Why do you love her? You love her because of the way she makes who feel. You! If she made you feel stupid, fat, and ugly, you'd be like, I found the perfect woman, Dad. She makes me feel stupid, fat, and ugly. Marry that. She's a keeper, son. You love you. That's why you married that girl. Because you thought she'd make you happy. That's the truth. You have two people who think they're in love with each other. They're in love with themselves and it is a lot of fun right now because you're both pretending. But you're both taking and you're both expecting that I'm going to give something but I'm going to get something and then you don't get what you're expecting and then it's on or it's off. We are selfish people. This is a problem. This soil left to itself can't grow anything good. Maybe some weeds. That's about it. So we've got a soil problem. Because we were born sinners, we don't understand God, we have no ability in ourself, and we are incorrigibly selfish. That's our problem when it comes to the condition of the soil. The solution, obviously, is there in verse 4. The only way this changes is because the intervention of God's grace, but God, if there wasn't a but God in verse four, we could just close it up now and say, yep, it's over. It's going to go on like this for a while, but it's going to get worse. Then it'll go on like that for a while, then it'll get worse. Then you'll die and you'll go to hell. Have a good night. But that would be all there was, except for but God. who is rich in mercy for his great love wherewith he loved us even when we were dead in our sins hath quickened us together with Christ by grace you are saved and hath raised us up together and made us sit together in heavenly places in Christ Jesus that in the ages to come he might show the exceeding riches of his grace in his kindness towards us through Christ Jesus for by grace you have been saved By grace are ye saved through faith, and that not of yourselves. It's the gift of God. Not of works that any man should boast. We know that. But we need to remember that. There is no way that these glorious answers from God in His Word will do me any good. They don't do any good for dead people. And you were born, and so was I, spiritually dead. And apart from the intervention of God's grace, where I see that I'm a sinner and I call on his name because he died for me and rose again and he saved my soul. Without Christ, I can do what? Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I can only be selfish, even when I appear to not be selfish. I'm just appearing not to be selfish because I want something. And I don't want to be so bold and you'll say no. So if I can look good and nice and manipulate you, then I might get it. For the soil of my heart to have any chance of bringing forth a good harvest of closeness with God and closeness with my mate, it must be regenerated. I must be saved. I need to be forgiven. And not just saved. You get to verse 10. For we are his workmanship. We are the The word there is where we get our word poem from. We are the art that the artist makes. The words that the writer of the song pens. We're his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus unto good works which God has before ordained and which are loved in us. This has always been God's plan, right? God's plan is you need to come to know Christ as your Savior and then not change your life by your own effort. You could never change you. You have never changed you. I mean, more than for a minute, for a little while. The only person that's ever changed you ever in your entire existence is Jesus Christ. So he saved me and he sanctifies me. I must depend on him to continue to work in my life and transform my life, as he does through fellowship, through the word, through a variety of spiritual disciplines. And that's a whole other series, a whole other Bible study. But the soil must be addressed, the condition of the soil, and that is my nature as a sinner. I must be saved by God's grace and day by day be transformed by God's grace. So here's the deal. If you are not a true believer in Jesus Christ and you are not serious about your private walk with God, You will forever rot as a husband and a dad. I don't care what you say. I don't care how many books you read. I don't care what. You will never be what God designed you to be because you can't be. It's not like you wouldn't be if you could be, but you can't be. I'm not bald because I refuse to grow hair. I can't. Except in my ears and on the sides. It's not a choice. Why would you choose this? You can't. You can't be the husband God designed you to be. The wife God designed you to be. Without God. Without knowing and loving Jesus Christ. So before you can get effectively serious about your marriage, you're going to have to get effectively serious about your relationship to Jesus Christ. Now, oh, so if I just like get right with God, everything's going to be great. Because the Bible says if you really know Christ, you really love Christ, you really serve Christ, your life is going to be described as, well, how does God describe your life as a picnic? What are some words that come up? Persecution, trouble, work. War. A race, not a dash. Marathon. So it's not, it's not that, oh, I'll just be, let me pray a prayer and everything's going to be fine. That's not true. I'll tell you this, without being saved and having God's spirit transform my life day by day, I will never know what it is that's really wrong with my life and what needs to change. And I won't want to change and I won't be able to change. But with God in my life transforming me, I can know. God can show me eventually. It takes a long time. We're very slow learners. But He can finally get it through my thick skull. Tim, this is what I've been trying to tell you for crying out loud. This is it. And He can put a desire in my heart to do that, even though it's distasteful and hard and scares me to death. He can still give me enough desire through the Spirit to do the hard, right thing. And He can give me the ability to, because I can't do it. But I can do all things. Through Christ who strengthens me. So it starts with dealing with the nature of the soil. And it's a really big thing in a short time. So I'm going to move fast. And this is kind of like kicking a beehive and then leaving. Sorry. I'll be back tomorrow. Unless I die tonight then. That'll be a weird time. I'm swallowing it. OK. OK. If we're dealing with the condition of the soil, we look at the nature of the soil itself. Now I want to talk about another problem with the soil. And that's not the soil itself. We just talked about that, you know, the makeup of the dirt. Now we need to talk about all the stuff that's buried in the dirt that we don't talk about. Buried debris. There's lots of it in our lives. In Bible preaching churches, it is almost never talked about. Because we don't talk about such things. We don't talk about wives getting battered and what that does not only to the wife, but to the children. We don't talk about that in church. We don't talk much about divorce. We know it's bad. And we talk about people who have gotten divorced. But the devastation and what that does to lives. And now what does that person do now? What do we just give them a label? Put a big D on their head? And then say, I think there's a church for D's down the road. You going to talk about it or not? Emotional abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse. It happens in Christian homes and nobody talks about it. So we just and we move right on and everything's fine because I'm saying now let's throw some seed right on here and everything should be going fine. But the Bible says, Proverbs 28, 13, he that covereth his sin shall not prosper. But who so confesses and forsakes love mercy. This is a profoundly important truth to chew on for a minute. I have in two weeks. And if everything goes as planned tomorrow, I'm going to do a wedding for this young couple that I had the privilege of seeing come to Christ for a Bible study. I'm excited about it. It's a lot of fun. And it's been really fun doing pre-marital counseling with them because they were both lost their whole life. So they didn't have all the Christian stuff. So everything you're telling them they're like, oh, I didn't know that. Everybody else you're telling you grew up in a church like that. Know that. Know that. Thank you very much. So this has been kind of fun. OK. But. And so just in a couple of weeks here we're going to be marrying them. They're all excited about it. They're all fired up about this. You know. And they think everything's fine. And it's exciting and it's glorious and it is. But there's a profound truth here. That in their lives, even they don't know it. We all have baggage. We all have stuff. And when stuff gets covered up. We never get to be in a new place in our relationship for very long except for a short visit and then back to the rut. I guess almost every couple that I am doing pre-marital counseling with. OK. If I were to tell you and this would be if I saw it I'll see them again next week. I will say next week and I promise you next week it'll be 10 days before the wedding. So it's like it's pretty much like that snowball way down the hill already picked up a lot of momentum. You're not stopping it. But if I sat them down because I did this about two weeks ago I asked him this question. If I were able if I could tell you for sure because God came down and he said this is true. If you marry this guy. He married a girl. You. Without a doubt, no chance of missing, you will have. An average marriage. That's what God says, God says, I know everything, I'm God made the place know everything I'm telling you, you marry this guy, this girl, you get You get to feel about your husband like most women feel about their husbands. You get to feel about your wife like most men feel about your wife. And you get them to feel about you like most of them feel about you. Every one of them. How many of you, would you still marry, would you still go through with the wedding? Every time they say no. Who wants to feel who wants their mate to feel about them the way most husbands feel about their wives. Well that's what every young lady was hoping for their whole life. Right. Now we're going to be different. And you mean with all your heart. You do. And you try with all your effort, but here's the problem. If problems are covered up, if problems... I'm not talking about creating problems. We don't have to create them. We've got boatloads already. But when they're covered up and we don't talk about them, and they're never addressed with truth and grace, then here's the deal. You never prosper. And that word prosper means you never break through. You never get out of the rut. Let's face it. OK. This is marriage conference weekend. OK. This would be great. I heard this guy's kind of crazy. Oh we'll laugh a little bit. OK. So OK. We'll go. But here's the deal. The average woman's like well both. I mean usually the wife's making the guy come. Not making him come but making him feel guilty enough to come. But you both have a very compatible set of fears. What does the average couple fear before A marriage conference. Besides, he won't come. But now he's here. OK, so you're here. What do you fear? That Trevor's going to be there. I know, sorry. What do you fear? Pardon me? Nothing's going to change. It's going to be like the old wagging wheel in a rut, right? It's like, OK. And you know, that happens before you get out of the parking lot on Sunday. She just says one thing. It's going good. You think it's going good. She's happy. She's looking at you like this is going to be good. You don't know what you said. But suddenly there's no love. There's like these demon eyes. Like fire coming out at you. And from that, between that door and the car door, it happened. What did I do? You say, I don't know! She says, that's the problem! I don't know does not get you off. I don't know is actually pleading guilty. I've tried. It's bad. Here's my worst one. I wasn't inconsiderate. I just didn't think about it. That really seemed smart the first time I said it. No time since then has it ever seemed smart. You know, there's this goofy camp games. Because as leaders know, when you run games, you only run them not because they're really fun, but because you get to humiliate everybody else. That's why I figure when it's time for me not to go to camp, it's time for me to run camp. Because then I don't have to do the games, but we can play the games, and we can video the games, and we can mock other people. Which is my spiritual gift. Okay, so. But you know they have that bungee cord game where they take this poor kid and he runs and he goes. It's not as good as that baseball bat game where they put their head on the baseball bat and spin around and they always like run sideways then and crash. I love that game. I do. I can remember the people who did that. I love that game. I don't love doing that game. I'm not doing that game. Okay. But the bungee cord game. But listen, that's our lives. This time we're going to. And. Every time. So it could be next year, you can like to be a really good speaker and it would still be like. I mean, you can't not go for crying out loud, I'm the pastor, I gotta go. But it's still like... Here's what the writer of Proverbs is saying. As long as the un-talked about things remain un-talked about, you never break through to a new place. You get to stay right where you're at. For the rest of your life. The only change is. The rut gets deeper. And then you die. And by that time you're saying, thank God. You cover problems. You don't even know what we here's the problem with covering problems. What else do you do with them? We don't know. You bring them up. When you're young, you bring them up. Remember, it tells you to be quiet. Don't say nothing. Right? They'll be fine. Pray. Go down the island. I have a Guinness record for walking down the island, back through churches. I guarantee you I do. You say, why go down there? It's like getting a spray sprayer. What kind of problem? Let's just change this. Head it. OK, so head it again and go back. Hope it was good for you because it did nothing right. We have problems. Sin happens. We are sinners who were raised by sinners and we're raising sinners. Sin happens. Injuries in relationships happen. And we do what David did when he found out that his daughter had been raped. He got really ticked and then David did nothing. If we cover sins, if we leave the rocks and the old spring from under the mattress out in the field and the old wheelbarrow out there and the old tractor that's buried somewhere out there. No matter what happens, you get no new place until you're dead. So this is kind of like you either got to deal with this or game's over. I mean, that's the truth. The one who confesses and forsakes, the one who owns it and doesn't cover up and says, yes, there it is. This happened in my life. My dad walked out on me when I was five. He didn't, but I'm using illustrations. This happened. I didn't even know him. He never touched me, never told me. It doesn't matter. It didn't affect me at all. It's no big deal. I'm fine. I'm fine. You know who thinks you're fine? Just you. Nobody else thinks you're fine. We try to move on and pretend and learn verses and work hard to win souls and winning souls is great and learning verses is wonderful. But if we cover up sin, sin that we have done or sin that was done to us, that has never been confronted and forgiven, then we get to stay where we are except deeper in the same hole until we're dead. And worst of all, that's the model we lay out for our children, which is how we got this way because our parents were that way. Guess how they got that way? Guess how they got that way? And so on and so on. Nobody talks about it. Whatever it is. They'll never have to have some horrible thing like sexual abuse. I'm going to tell you something. One out of seven men have been sexually abused. One out of four women have been sexually abused. Maybe even one out of three. And now we're talking about the worst, most heinous form. But what about just getting beaten up? What about hearing your mother getting beaten up? What about just being abandoned like that was a just? I'm going to be really late. I'm not going to finish, OK? I'm going to finish like I'm going to stop. I'm going to pick some more of this up in the morning, OK? But I want to try to make a point. I haven't made it yet, obviously. All that stuff, stuff that happens to us. You know, there are still women in our churches who live every day with the guilt of an abortion they had before they came to know Christ as their Savior, and they've told nobody about it. It's truth. Certainly, there are men in our churches whose uncle messed with them or stepfather messed with them. Who, obviously, you're not going to tell anybody if you're a guy. And I'm wondering why I'm just on this bungee cord of life and I can't get anywhere new. It's like, does it have to be something like that? No, no, no, no. Let me give you an illustration. That's what I wanted to get. OK. We're all good church folks, so this will work. Mother's Day. Independent Baptist Church. Four year old, three year old, coming out of junior church. They're carrying two things. They're carrying a piece of construction paper that has something scribbled on it. It has Happy Mother's Day that the teacher wrote. Everything else is going to be like very nice sweetheart. That's a nice picture. OK. So you got that ratty card made out of construction paper right. and a Dixie cup. And then they were actually really Dixie cups, right? And in the Dixie cup, there's dirt and a flower, a ratty old marigold, right? They're always yellow or orange. And you always got the one with the bent stem, okay? So here, okay, so here. So you got that goofy card and the ratty old marigold, and you're three or you're four, and it's Mother's Day. What does that kid look like coming out from junior church. You tell them don't run, don't run. And their eyeballs are like bugging out, right? Mom! Mom! It's like oozing out. And they come over to Mom. Happy Mother's Day, Mom! What if Mom just said, not now. I'm busy. Don't interrupt me. I'm busy. But it's Mother's Day. I know it's Mother's Day. Give me some respect. Get your flower. That's what I need. Another flower. Now, hold on a second. Seriously, think of me for a minute. Just. Just. Just. The rejection. of the loving gift of a three-year-old. We're not talking about physical abuse. We're not talking about emotional abuse. We're not talking about sexual abuse. But I want you to answer this question. So mom, God forbid, you don't know this mom, but that mom says, just put it over there. I have enough. What impact does that have on that three-year-old boy or girl? Big or little? You can talk to me. We'll affect them for a long time or a short time. And that's just a stupid flower. Stuff happens, it doesn't excuse anything, but our hearts get broken. And we don't know what to do with it, so we just move on because who wants to? Who cares anyhow? God does. Just keep moving, going, find a way to cook, get funny. I mean, that's how most people that's how most funny people get funny. It's the truth. Most funny people get funny because if I if I get everybody laughing, then they won't know what's really going on inside my heart and life. That's why most people are overachievers, overachieve. Which is the same reason why most people over drink, over drink. Something's wrong. Excess of anything. Even excess of nothing. Excess of couch potato. So something's wrong, because you're just trying to find a way to cope and make do and kill the pain. So that little kid reaches, here's the point, the kid reaches out, the kid's like, it's all out there. I mean, it's all out there. And it's like, hey, gotcha. So it's the next Mother's Day, next Mother's Day. Peter says, we're going to give our mothers flowers. What goes through that kid's heart and mind? Well, two things, two things happen. One is no way. Hey, Timmy, you're not working on your card. Why not? Hey, you forgot your flower. Or or or maybe maybe if I get the good power and I get the card really good this time, maybe this time, maybe. What has happened in the heart of that child is trust has been violated, right? You threw it out there and you got stiffed. So what do you do? You close it up. You go from being a little boy on Jesus' knee who trusts Jesus about everything in Matthew 18 to the disciples who, when Jesus tells them, I'm going to die, they're arguing about the furniture. And Jesus says, listen, guys, unless you are converted, Matthew 18, unless you have a genuine change of heart and become like that little boy, you're never going to get it. You're never going to see the kingdom of God. Oh, you're going to get to heaven. He's not saying you're going to hell. You're going to be clueless for as long as you live about true spirituality. If you don't go back to having a trusting heart, I don't mean gullible heart for every salesman that comes down the track. I mean a trusting heart where your truster that has been damaged by a violation of trust, a sin against you, whether it's the Dixie Cup or something more severe, where that is repaired by the grace of God so that you can at least trust God and open your heart to your wife and open your heart to your kids. Inside every dad, there's a dad that loves their kids, but the kids won't know it if their life depended on it. 99 out of 100 times, you know the next word after this. I know my dad loves me. What's the next word? But. Not, I know he loves me because. I know he loves me so. I know he loves me but. There's always a but. And the but is there because our trust has been hurt. And we cover it up because what else are you going to do? You tell somebody they just can't get over it. Quite the opposite, man. We all are in the same boat. And we all are in the same boat. That's why nobody wants the average marriage, but everybody's got one. The only way to get to a new place is to admit, hey, I've got some stuff stuck in my field. I didn't plan it. I didn't want it. But it's there. I've got stuff. Oh, you've got issues? Yeah. If you're breathing, you've got issues. I'm telling you. Well, that doesn't sound very biblical. It's in the Bible. They call it sin. But it's stuff. It's issues. And biblical forgiveness where that where that offense is addressed and confronted in love. And we'll talk about a little bit more tomorrow and forgiven. True biblical forgiveness. Listen, there was an enormous offense between you and God, was there not? What fixed that? Here's you on your way to hell. Here's God. What fixed that? Grace, forgiveness. And God just stood up in heaven and said, Oh, jeepers, you guys are a bunch of scamps. Oh, look at those little sinners. Oh, well, well, well, just forget it. God didn't do that. One day God called your name. He said to Tim, Jordan, Tim, you are a sinner. Your sin was against me. Right? He loved me, but he held me accountable for my sin. He talked to me about my sin. And then he promised to forgive me of my sin. And when I asked him to forgive me, he was gone. And now there was intimacy and closeness with God. And that's the same issue, that's the same spiritual dynamic that has to occur in our lives. Or we're just going to have stuff that we're going to keep going. I'm going to try this time. I'm going to really try to get close to my son this time. I think we're going to... We can throw the best seed on bad soil, filled with old wrecked cars, and it's just a waste of seed. Right? So, we can have a seed seminar. We will tomorrow. But if you throw this good, it's just like you've got a good speaker in next year and he gave you like the really good stuff on the very best seed. Because you're equally so, it's like this is the best seed. And you go out and throw it on the parking lot. Throw some water on it, but throw that seed, best seed, throw it in the parking lot. How's that going to work for you? It's not. We're going to have to, you're going to have to get real about the soil of your heart. I didn't want to. I don't I don't I want to. I like them and everything's fine. I'm fine. And I just remember you the truck. It's OK. I'm fine. If we cover our sins we'll never break through. But if we can address them confront them forsake them that means to cut them loose to deal with them so they no longer are attached to our lives. Then we can have mercy. We can be free. We can go to a new place. We can go to a new place in my relationship with God. Wouldn't that be great? The greatest thing in the world is to have God work in your life so that for the rest of your life, you're always getting to a new place with him. You're always getting to a new place with your spouse. You don't see it. It's really it's really it's a lot more cheap and convenient, like just getting to a new place with a spouse you got. It's a lot cheaper than divorce. You don't have to split your house up. You don't have to visit your kids someplace else. You can just fall in love with this new woman because you're a new guy. For the rest of your life and it's over. That's the truth. If we learn to really address some of the buried junk in our life. And we didn't bury it. It was it was just it was just there. It gets buried. It's life. Oh, so we're supposed to dig stuff up now? No, no, no, no, no. God digs stuff up. You're just a stop. You're supposed to stop covering up because God keeps bringing stuff up. If I were to ask you as a wife, what is the one thing that absolutely breaks your heart about your husband? You'd get there. Well, that now that annoys me. That's OK. Now, what's the one thing? The one thing when your wife goes there as a husband, you see that and the one thing that just makes you. That's about uncovering stuff. You don't have to just take a shovel to your backyard. We'll talk about it more tomorrow, but we need to get serious about allowing God to prepare the soil of our life so that we throw good seed on it. Well, the power of all the soils, right? The difference wasn't the quality of the seed. The difference was the condition of the soil. We should stop for the night or it'll be tomorrow. Let's pray. Father, I thank you for your love and patience. I pray you would continue to challenge us with these things. I pray that the questions that are coming up in people's hearts, they would write them down. And I pray that we'd be able to get to them tomorrow and answer them in a helpful way. I do know, Lord, that as we. As you start the process of anything, cleaning out anything, It gets messier before it gets cleaner. That's for sure. And so, I'm sure, I'm sure that's what happened tonight. But I pray that you would somehow still encourage each husband, each father, each mother, each wife, each child, that there is an answer and we'll search for it in your word tomorrow. And you'll teach us and show us the way. So, Father, we ask these things and we ask them in Jesus' name. Amen.