Amen. Hi. I don't have a Bible, but I wanted to give you a hug. Oh, OK. Yeah. Well, thank you. I love you. Thank you for doing this. And what's your name? My name's Shakia. Shakia, I'm Tony. Yes, nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Do you have a church? Yes. It's not mine, but I mean, I'm just a member there, but yes. OK, awesome. Shakia, Shakia? Yes, yeah. Do you live here in Davenport? Okay. So what brings you over here? Do you work over here? Well, I had a doctor's appointment. Oh, okay. Well, I hope that went well. Yeah. So, how familiar are you with this side of town? Do you know the Walmart out there on West Kimberley? Probably not. Okay. Very little. Okay. We're out of the west end of town. Do you worship anywhere over there? I don't. I'm looking for a church right now. I actually moved here from New Mexico. Really? What brought you out? I have family here. My whole family lives here. Now, did they all move from New Mexico to here, and you came later, or? I was born here. Oh, okay. My mom took me to New Mexico, and then she moved here, I stayed there, and then I finally moved here. Okay. Yeah. So, what do you do here? I mean, are you working, going to school? So, I'm working as a caregiver. Oh, okay, that's nice. I'm going to school for speech pathology. Really? Yes. Where are you studying that? Well, I'm taking a break right now, I owe money, but August, Okay, so are you going back and forth between both schools or oh you haven't started that yet Okay, okay, okay, okay, so do you have any particular spiritual beliefs Okay, and you and you stop to give this crazy old man with a cross a hug that's beautiful, that's it that's so sweet I Really I've gone on a journey in this last I would say year what started that I've got as much time as you do. That's why I'm here. Well, in New Mexico, one of the reasons I moved here, there was just a lot going on in New Mexico. My daughter got hit by a truck. Oh my. She survived. She was only two. Wow. So, by the grace of God. How is she? She's great. You would see her and you wouldn't even. Praise the Lord. Yeah. So, there's that and then there was drugs and gang members. There was just a lot going on. Okay. And then I lost someone really close to me. So, but with all of that. Yeah. It really grew. my relationship with God. How so? I mean, I can understand all of that happening, but in what way has that? So, it's hard to explain. At first, I was very angry. So, I would just yell at God sometimes. But He never gave up on me. And He would show me He was there in ways that you can't really explain except, okay, that's God. Like, you can't. There's no other way to explain it. And I was like, okay, so finally I just I started reading the Bible. I wanted to know more of him and why Why he does what he does. Okay, and what did you learn from that? Honestly, I haven't learned much. Okay. No, I understand. I've been reading it for 36 years and I don't have it all figured out. Do you have a King James Bible? Is that why the language is difficult? Does it sound like old English? Can I give you one that is like regular? So the King James Bible is a fine, fine Bible. It has served the church well for 500 plus years. But the language can be a little difficult because we don't really talk the same way they did 500 years ago. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. Thank you so much. You're welcome. So since we've known each other now for 5 or 10 minutes, Shakia again, I'm gonna do that two or three times because I'm old and cold so So Shakia if you were to die today, and I don't want that you Came close to sounds like came close to losing your daughter Did lose someone close to you I heard that and Other things, gangs and drugs, could have resulted in that. I mean, you've had a lot going on in your life, right? If you were to die today, and you were to stand before God, and God asked, Shakiya, why should I allow you into heaven? What would you say? That's a tough one. The first thing that comes to my mind is because I love you. But I don't think that's valid enough. Reason I know I have a good heart. I know that I care deeply for Everyone I come across, but I don't know if I would have an answer okay, all right, so You it's obvious to me that you care about people and Again, you came up to me just to give me a hug. I mean, I can't wait to tell my family that. So look, I meet lots of really nice people. I've been doing this for 20 years, and lots of people stop, and most people, like yourself, they want to have a nice conversation. Most people don't stop because they want to give me a hug. I mean, the conversation may end that way, but it usually doesn't start that way, right? And you mentioned that you have a good heart. If I were locked in a room with Osama Bin Laden, Adolf Hitler, and Shakia, and I had to pick a friend, I'm gonna pick Shakia, right? Because this is the young lady who came up to give me a hug. I don't think those other guys are gonna give me a hug. But here's what that book, the Bible, says about the human heart. In fact, let me show you. So this is the prophet Jeremiah, one of the Old Testament prophets. He's literally speaking the words of God to the people of Israel. The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick. Who can understand it? I, the Lord, search the heart and test the mind to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds. That's how God sees the human heart. Deceitful, above all things, and desperately sick. And then, who can understand it? That's rhetorical, meaning, how can we even understand our own hearts? And again, you seem like an absolutely lovely young lady that I'm just really enjoying spending time with, okay? Jesus says in Matthew 5.48, he says, you are to be perfect as your Heavenly Father is perfect. Later, the Apostle Paul says in the book of Romans, he says, there is none who is good, no, not one. All have turned aside, together they have become useless. God's standard of goodness is moral perfection. Our standard of goodness is not that. And more often than not, when we determine what is good and what isn't, or who is good and who isn't, we compare that situation or that person to the person we see in the mirror. Because the Bible says most people are going to declare their own goodness. Now, some people will do that humbly, in a sense, like you did. You weren't, well, guess how good I am. Let me give you a list of all the great things I have done. That's not the way you said that. There are people who will. I think about, I don't know if you follow sports at all or anything, but there's a female soccer player, just retired, her name is Megan Rapinoe. And they won the World Cup. And there's this short video that's viral, her holding the trophy going, I deserve this. I deserve this. Just cringe-worthy. I mean, there were a lot of other people on the team, right? So there are people who will declare their own goodness in a very boastful, arrogant way. And there are people who would say, well, no, I'm a pretty good person. If I compare myself to the rest of the world, most people say, look, nobody's perfect. There are people better than me. There are people worse than me. We'll try to humbly put ourselves somewhere in the middle. But we're going to determine the definition of goodness, by and large, based on who we see in the mirror. God doesn't judge that way. God judges according to a perfect moral standard based on a law that he's written on our heart. I can assume that the following, only knowing you for a short time, I bet you believe it's wrong to lie. Yeah. Yeah, I bet you believe it's wrong to steal. I bet you believe it's wrong to hate another human being. I bet you believe it's wrong to dishonor your parents. I bet you believe it's wrong to be greedy or covetous, right? And I bet you've done all of those things at one time or another. Maybe not in action, maybe with your words, or maybe with your mind. And I know you're young enough to be my daughter, certainly. I just turned 60, so I've had a lot more time on the planet to mess up than you. So everything you're guilty of in that sense, I'm guilty probably several times over. That's the standard God has written on your heart. We've all been created in the image of God. We are image bearers of our Creator. Every human being knows that God exists, whether they deny it or not. and he's given us a conscience. I have an eight-year-old little dog at home named Roxy. She doesn't know it's wrong to lie. She doesn't know it's wrong to steal. She wants me to take her out, scratch her belly, and feed her, right? And sometimes I wish I had that simple life, right? But she doesn't have a conscience. She was created by God, but she wasn't created in the image of God like we are. Now, you mentioned gangs and drugs. Was that just around you, or were you involved? I wasn't involved, but I was in the middle of it. Have you ever been in a courtroom before? Yes. Reason doesn't matter. I want to paint a picture. Now, what I'm about to suggest, you're going to be the primary person in this wordplay, and you're going to do something really bad in this wordplay. I'm not suggesting you would ever do it. I'm just painting a picture, okay? And are you get are you do you want my hat? No, it's okay. Okay, cuz it's cold. All right, so Instead of instead of coming up to me and saying I have a Bible. I just want to give you a hug You decide you're gonna park over there. So your car is out of sight so you can go over and rob the Shell station Again, I don't think you would do that. But again, just painting a picture. And guess what? Shakia's no good at it. Shakia gets caught, right? and you're arrested, not a case of mistaken identity. In fact, when they take you to the station without anybody threatening you in any way, without anybody making you any false promises of leniency, you voluntarily write out a confession. As soon as you did it, you knew it was wrong, I've got remorse, and I'm gonna confess to what I did and why I did it. Now, I was in law enforcement for 20 years out in Los Angeles. One of the things I know about confessions is that they never show a person's innocence, they only show a person's guilt, right? So the best piece of evidence now the court has against Shakia is this handwritten, voluntary confession. Right? But in our system, you're entitled to your day in court. And so instead of having a trial with a jury that wasn't smart enough to get out of jury duty, you decide just to have the trial in front of the judge. A bench trial, they call it. And of course, the district attorney all smiling saying, I've got Shakia's confession right here. This should be quick. And it is. The judge finds you guilty. So it's the day of sentencing. And the judge asks Shakia, what do you have to say for yourself? And you say, your honor, yes, I've already admitted to it. I confessed. Yes, I've confessed. It was wrong. I shouldn't have done it. But I'm a pretty good person. I try to care for people even though I was robbing them that day. I try to care for people and kind of the way you described yourself. And your honor, because of that, because I confessed and because I'm basically a good person, otherwise, I think you ought to just let me go. Is the judge going to let you go? No, no, no. In fact, before God, we have a pretty long criminal history, right? I mean, you probably can't count the number of times you've lied. I know I can't, right? I have a two-year-old granddaughter, Bethany Rose. Just a joy in my life. And she has discovered the word no. Now, my daughter, Michelle, she didn't put her on her knee and say, now, honey, I want to teach you how to disrespect me. I want to teach you how to be defiant, so let's practice the word no. No, she knows that by her nature. She's already sinning, right? So we have an entire life, you, I'm guessing, in your 20s, and me, 60. My criminal history is way longer than yours, three times as long as yours. But even at your age, you have a long criminal history before God. Thought word indeed. Okay, so back to the courtroom so The judge of course he has now this guilty verdict and your confession and then like a roll of paper towel He unrolls your criminal history and he says Shakia Not only can I not let you go But because of this crime and your life of crime, I'm going to sentence you to death. I and they're gonna whisk you into the next room and they're gonna strap you to a gurney and drive a needle into your arm and put you to sleep like my dog Roxy. But before that happens, the judge, who rightly found you guilty by your own admission, the judge who alone has the authority to impose that death sentence, stands up from behind his bench, takes off those black robes of authority, steps down, walks over to you and says, Shakia, you are guilty. And by the law, and by the authority I have, I do sentence you to death, and I'm going to take your place. And the judge goes into the next room, voluntarily, allows himself to be strapped to a gurney with your name on it, allows a needle to be driven into his arm with your name on it, and he dies the death that you were supposed to die. Not because of the good things you've done, Not because you confessed. None of those things helped you in trial and none of those things helped you in sentencing. He did it because he loves you. And you're set free. What would you think of the judge? How selfless he is. Okay. I know we're talking about Jesus, right? Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. So your attorney's jaws hit the table. He has nothing to say. He can't understand what's happened. The prosecutor's angry. You're supposed to die. The judge isn't. Your family and your friends are in the courtroom five minutes ago. They're weeping because you were going to be sentenced to death, and now you're going to be released? The deputy sheriffs, they give you your property, you sign the release, and you're out the door. But we live in Davenport, not Chicago. Word travels fast. Word's out that this extraordinary thing happened in the courthouse. You step out into the daylight, a free lady, and all you see are cameras and microphones and reporters, and they only wanna talk to Shakia. What do you think about what the judge did? And you say, well, yeah, that was pretty selfless, but I confessed, and I'm basically a good person anyways, and so he shouldn't, I asked him to let me go. So that's on him. Can you ever imagine yourself saying that? No. No. I couldn't imagine you saying that. Not for a moment. Not for a moment. But Shakiya, that's what people do. And that may be what you're doing by putting your hope and your trust in your heart and not in Christ. God the Father sent his son to earth in the person of Jesus Christ, truly God, truly man, without sin. He lived a life of perfection for some 33 years that neither one of us can live for 33 seconds. Yet even though he knew no sin, he voluntarily submitted himself to the torturous, bloody death of a Roman cross, to die a death he did not deserve, to take upon himself the punishment you and I rightly deserve for our sins against God. and then he forever defeated sin and death when he rose from the grave. If you were to die today and you stood before God and you had only your heart as your defense, He's going to find you guilty. The best piece of evidence, what most people think is the piece of evidence that will exonerate them, is the only evidence God needs to convict them, is their heart. So if it was switched and I came up here and I said, I just, I got a Bible. I just want to give you a hug. I was going to just stay with me for so long. I'm so thankful. And, and you were out here and, and you said, Hey Tony, if you were to die today and stand before God, um, and God asked, why, why should he allow you into heaven? What would you say? This is what I would say. He shouldn't. I've sinned against Him every day of my life. I've sinned against Him today. He's a good judge. He's holy and righteous and just. He's perfect. And He ought to give me what I deserve, and that's eternity in hell for my sin. But I know He's going to let me into heaven. Not because I'm good, but because He is. Not because of what I've done, but in spite of what I've done. Not because of my heart, but in spite of my heart. I know He's going to let me into heaven. because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross for a sinner like me. My hope is in Him, not in the person I see in the mirror. Does that make sense? Yeah, it makes sense. So what do you think about all of that? You've been so polite and quiet and I've just been preachifying to you. What do you think of all of that? I've never thought of it that way. Okay. And it does make sense because we are supposed to put our trust into him and not into ourselves. So, yeah, I'm still processing all of that. Okay. So while you're processing that, let me ask you, and you don't have to tell me what it is. I'm going to ask something. You don't have to tell me what it is. I'm not trying to pry. Okay. Is there any sin in your life that you love so much, that you want so much, that you're willing to die and spend eternity in hell so that you can enjoy that sin? Yeah, I guess. Okay. So, hearing what you've heard, is it really worth it? Are you really willing to stand before God knowing what you know now, and say, do what you gotta do. I wanted that sin more than I wanted you. Wow. I'm speechless right now. This is one of the things that I have struggled with on my journey because when I'm not Perfect and I know we can never be perfect. Not this side of heaven. No when I'm not perfect and I'm not Doing everything. I know I'm supposed to be doing I Get really down on myself and I'm really hard on myself and That just brought all of that like those thoughts like wow so the Bible says in 2nd Corinthians that there is a worldly sorrow that leads to death, but a repentance that leads to life, that leads to salvation. Getting down on ourselves for the, we ought to be down on ourselves when we're wrong. You know, the world's message is, Shakia, love yourself. That's exactly what Satan wants you to do. He wants you to love yourself. Because that way you're the center of your universe and God isn't. And there's a worldly sorrow that, yeah, I feel bad when I do things. I really get down on myself when I do things. That only leads to death. What God commands us to do is to repent. To yes, realize that we've sinned against him, namely, all sin is against him. You know, even what we do to other people ultimately is a sin against him because what we do to someone else we're doing against one of his image bearers. So the buck stops with him, right? What God commands of us is that we not only acknowledge the fact that we're sinners, we already know that, but that we should turn from that sin and turn toward God. Repentance is a change of mind that leads to a change in direction. So we can be sorrowful all day long for the things that we do, and then we just keep on doing them, and so what? It doesn't lead us anywhere. And repentance is actually a gift from God. Jesus said, unless a person is born again, they will not enter the kingdom of heaven. and we can no more cause ourselves to be born again than we had anything to do with our physical birth, you know, when life started outside the womb for us. Part of that repentance is that God takes a heart of stone that would want to cling to sin that separates us from him and replaces it, literally, with the heart of flesh. I'm not talking about the pound of meat in our chest, but the soul, the spirit. He takes that heart of stone and he replaces it with the heart of flesh. He puts his spirit in that person and they begin to love the things that God loves, namely him. And look, I've been married for 37 years, 37 years. Uh, no. It'll be 39, oh I'm so bad. I never, I never mess up with this. It'll be 39 years this year. So 1985, we were married July 6th, 1985, noon, in La Puente, California. Okay, I do remember. You, you trained well. And I love her. She is next to salvation. She's the greatest gift I've ever received, is my wife. I love her so much. Love her so much. If I told her every day that I loved her, but yet I lied to her, and I put myself before her every day. I spoke in ways that was actually, God equates hatred with murder. Whoever hates another person is a murderer, whether they carry out the act or not. Whether they carry out the act or not. I mean, if I spoke to her with hate and venom, lied to her, cheated on her, committed adultery, put myself before her, and told her every day that I loved her, do I actually love her? No. No, I don't. And so is the person who says they love God, but yet the desire of their heart is not to please him, but to please themselves, right? So when God causes someone to be born again through faith in Jesus Christ, he takes that heart, puts his spirit, gives him a new heart, puts his spirit in them, and they begin to love the things that God loves, namely Him, and they begin to hate the things that God hates, not other people. Not other people, but their own sin, because they know it's a violation of His law, and it's an act of, it's an act of, an unloving act against the God who created them, right? That's repentance. And then they put their faith and their trust in Jesus Christ alone for their salvation. Jesus said, in Matthew chapter seven, speaking to a large crowd, he said, many will say to me on that day, the day of judgment, Lord, Lord, they'll acknowledge him as Lord. Lord, Lord, didn't we prophesy in your name and cast out demons in your name and do many mighty works in your name? And Jesus said, I'll say to them on that day, depart from me, I never knew you, You workers of lawlessness. These weren't atheists. These were people who said Jesus is Lord, but they were trusting in their own goodness. They were trusting in the things that they did to commend themselves to God. And Jesus said, no, that's not the way. Salvation is by grace through faith, apart from works, so that we don't take any credit for it. He gets all the glory. Do you believe what I'm telling you is true? Be honest. Yeah. Then why wouldn't you receive that gift? I guess there's no reason I wouldn't. Then receive the gift. Do you understand how much love God is showing you today? By letting you hear how you can be forgiven of everything, past, present, and future, to be reconciled to the God you've spent your life offending by your sin, and have the assurance of eternal life. Shaquille, he'll adopt you as a beloved daughter. And he'll never let you go. He'll never let you go. I have nieces and nephews who are adopted. We have more than a dozen children in our little church who are... There's some of them now. More than a dozen children in our little church who've been adopted. The beautiful thing about adoption is that when a child is adopted, they really don't have anything to do with it, right? I mean, I think of my nephew from Uganda. I mean, that's where he was born, left in a ditch on the side of the road in a diaper, found by a police officer who took him to an orphanage. A year or so later, my sister and brother-in-law, wanting to adopt another child, found his picture, flew a full day to Uganda, and brought him home. And they changed his name, gave him a new name as part of this new family. changed his clothes. I mean, he was just, he had nothing. The orphanage did what the orphanage could do, but body just filled with parasite and disease, and they gave him a new home. And that's what God does. when he saves someone through faith in Jesus Christ. He gives them a new name. Shekiah, you'll no longer be called wretched sinner. You'll no longer be called guilty. You'll no longer be condemned. You'll be a beloved daughter of the Most High God. He'll give you new clothes. And when you die and stand before Him, He'll no longer see you clothed in the filthy garments of your sin. He'll see you instead clothed in the perfect righteousness of his Son that's credited to your account. And you'll have a new home. This world will no longer be your home, even though you're living here, and hell will no longer be your destination. Jesus said, I have gone to prepare a place for you. If you will but put your faith and trust in Christ alone, for your salvation. He'll adopt you. And he will love you with a perfect love. He can never love you less. He can never love you more because his love for you will be perfect. And you will spend eternity with him in heaven. As a gift. As a gift. How do I get there? Like, how do... Repent and believe. Repent and believe. What do you have to do, what do you have to do to receive a gift? If it was your birthday, and I brought you a gift, what would you have to do to receive it? Would you have to work for it? Would you have to pay me for it? Would you have to earn it? No, but yes? No, but no. Here's a gift. You received it. Yeah. You didn't work for it. You didn't earn it. You didn't deserve it. It was a gift. The Bible says the wages of sin What we earn for our sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. Man-made religion says, Shekiah, you've got to follow all these rules, and you've got to go to a certain church, and you've got to do X, Y, and Z, and even then they can't give you any assurance. The Bible says there's nothing you can do. It's a free gift. All you have to do is receive it. All you have to do is believe. Believe that Jesus Christ is Lord and that He died for your sins. That you've put your faith and your trust in Him alone. And then you'll want to live a life pleasing to him, not to earn his love, not to keep his love, but simply because you're so thankful for it. If you were my neighbor and it was snowing and you decide, well, I'm going to go shovel some of that old man's snow, you knock on my door and say, hey, Tony, I'm going to shovel your snow so that I could be your daughter. I'm going to say, well, Shakiya, thank you. I don't think I'm gonna let a girl shovel my snow. I'm old-fashioned that way, but thank you. And I'm gonna say, probably giving you a big hug, I'm touched that you wanna be my daughter, but Shakiya, shoveling my snow's not gonna make you my daughter. But what if you were my daughter? And I come home and I see Shakiya shoveling the snow, and I didn't tell her to do it, and so I'm a little bit skeptical as a dad. Why is she out here shoveling the snow? You got a guy to tell me about? Grades? You want the keys to the car? What? No. You see me, you come running over, you throw your arms around me like you did when we met, and you say, Dad, I know what it looks like. I don't want anything from you, Dad. I'm shoveling the snow because I love you and I'm thankful that you're my dad. That made most grown men cry. Most people think that when they die and stand before God, he's gonna let them into heaven because they shoveled the snow. But if God saves a person through faith in Jesus Christ, they'll want to live a life pleasing to him, not to earn his love, not to keep it, not because they're afraid of losing it, but because they're, hey Matt, but because they're so thankful for receiving it. That's the difference between religion, man-made religion, and faith. But there's, I'm no mind reader. I don't know what's going on inside. I don't. But you're wrestling with something. It seems like you're, it seems like, I don't know if you're wrestling. It seems like you're wrestling with something. Like there's something in your life that, you know what, if I, if I really put my faith and my trust in Jesus Christ for my salvation, it's gonna cost me something. I'm gonna have, there's sins that I really like that I'm gonna have to give up. Or maybe it's a relationship. I don't know. I'm not assuming anything. But, are you wrestling with something? Yes, no, kind of. Okay. I've been wrestling with it for a while. Okay. Jesus said that whoever is unwilling to deny themselves, take up their own cross, and follow me, is not fit to be my disciple. There's a cost for following Christ. Not a payment, not something you owe for it. Right. So, When the Lord saved me back in 1988, I was serving as a deputy sheriff. I was working in the LA County jails. Population then was about the population of Bettendorf, just in the jails. And I was in a medium, what's called a medium security facility, which meant there were no cells. They were in 120 inmates per dorm, like military barracks. There's 1,200 inmates and 12 deputies, and we tried to maintain this illusion that we were actually in control. We had a key block and a flashlight. That's it. There was no such thing as even pepper spray back then, right? And I got into that. I thought I was a pretty worldly guy. And I got into that environment on the first day and I saw the worst that man could do to his fellow man. And I was petrified, Shakia. I was like, I was a fish out of water. I was out of my element. What am I doing here? And so it was the older deputies, which meant they had a whole year on more than me. It was the older deputies who taught me how to survive in that environment. And they taught me how to talk to inmates or talk down to inmates, talk in such a way that convinced them that I was bigger and badder than I was. I developed an extremely filthy mouth. And they taught me how to verbally, psychologically, and physically abuse inmates, and do it in ways where I wouldn't get caught and wouldn't get in trouble. All the while, Shakia, I'm wearing a robe on Sunday with a cross on it and singing in the choir, thinking that I was a Christian. I wasn't. I would go to church on Sunday, and then I would go hate people six other days a week and get paid to do it. And didn't think anything of it, because I had a badge and a gun. They're inmates, they deserve whatever they get. I wasn't loving my neighbor as myself, I was loving me. And hating them to help me love me more. It was despicable. It was despicable. I probably should have gone to prison for some of the things that I did. The way I abused people. And then I'd go sing in the choir. Well, one night I overhear one of my sergeants talking about his Christian faith to a couple of other deputies. And wanting to impress the sergeant, I butt into the conversation and I say, hey Sarge, I'm a Christian, I sing in the choir. And he looked at me and he said two words. He wasn't sarcastic, flippant, wasn't blowing me off. He smiled and he just said, that's nice. Just like that, that's nice. And I turned around, I immediately walked away and I knew at that moment that I wasn't a Christian. And in my mind at the moment, worse still, I knew that sergeant knew that I wasn't a Christian. Well, it would be that sergeant who would share the gospel that you've heard today with me. And on September 4th, 1988, I cried out to the Lord, asked him to forgive my sin and to be my Lord and my Savior. And I put my faith and my trust in Christ. I woke up the next morning and I went out to my churchgoing wife, who also wasn't a Christian. She grew up in the church, but she didn't know Christ. And I said, Maria, do I look any different to you? And she said, no, you're pretty much the man I married. I said, well, I think I became a Christian last night. And she looked at me with a straight face, and she said, well, how much is that going to cost? Thinking monetarily, she thought, oh, no, now Tony's got a religious hobby. We've done the fishing, and the photography, and the weightlifting, and we've got all this. Then we're in incredible debt, and now he's religious. All the while, I'm singing in the choir at church. And I said, well, I don't think it costs anything, thinking only monetarily. I don't think it costs anything. I want a Bible, that's unusual. So I guess I gotta buy a Bible, but that's it. I went to work that night, Shakir. And I tried to talk the way I always talk. Filthy, berating, belittling. and the words would not come out of my mouth. Not that I was physically unable, nothing strange or anything, but the thought of it repulsed me. And then later that night, we had a tradition back then that we called court of all things. And that's when, after the evening count, we would selectively pull inmates out of their dorms who looked at us funny or didn't jump as high as we wanted them to or disrespected us. And we would take them around the side of the building and we would re-educate them, verbally, physically. And again, I thought, nothing wrong with that. So that night, I'm sitting in the compound monitoring while other deputies are conducting the count. And they come out after they're done, said, Tony, it's time for court. We've got some people to deal with. And I got up out of my chair like I would any other night. And then I sat back down. And I'm asking myself, what are you doing? And a moment or two later, the other deputies realized that I wasn't with them. Turned around, said, come on, Tony, let's go. And I remember it like it's yesterday. I'm saying to myself, don't say it. Whatever you do, don't say it. But I couldn't help it. I said, guys, I became a Christian last night, and I don't think God wants me to do that anymore. I couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth. And they laughed, because they knew the man I was. Right, you're a Christian, come on. No, guys, really, if you get into a fight or need help or something like that, I'm going to do my job. But no, I'm a Christian now, I don't believe God wants me to do that anymore. And I lost almost every friend I had that night. No one wanted to work with me anymore. Jesus freak, written on the chalkboard in the briefing room, notes in my mailbox, conspiring with inmates to see if I would breach my integrity or something like that, trying to set me up. All because I said, I'm a Christian now and I'm not gonna beat on inmates. I learned that night that there's a cost. There's an actual cost for following Christ. And that cost was my sin that I loved. And there are other costs. They can be relational. The sister and brother-in-law that I mentioned, who are now believers themselves, I thought I had joined a cult. Our relationship was that for a while. In my own home, as now, I've come to faith in Christ, now I'm telling my church-going wife, honey, you need Christ. What do you mean, you pagan? What do you mean? I'm the church-goer, you came to get the girl, I'm the one who grew up in the church. No, honey, you need Christ. It's the hardest month in our marriage. And there are other, and so there's a cost for following Christ. And I don't know, maybe that's what you're wrestling with. I don't know. Again, it's not monetary. It's nothing you do to earn or keep your salvation. Once salvation is received, it's yours forever. It's a free gift. One that God will never take away. But when he changes a person, he changes not only the person, but their life. I haven't lived a perfect day in my life. Before I came to faith in Christ, after I came to faith in Christ. But the desire of my heart is to live a life pleasing to Him, no matter the cost. The Bible says whoever desires, whoever seeks to live a godly life will be persecuted. And remember, they murdered Jesus on a cross for what He said about Himself. So are you struggling to count the cost? Or is this just all so overwhelming? It's a lot to process, but I'm processing it. I'm still, I've believed in God my whole life. I grew up in the church, like you said, but I guess, I grew up in the church, but I wasn't a Christian, as you said. So this journey is a little new for me. Still learning and processing and understanding a lot. Yeah, well that's gonna go on forever. Again, I've been reading this book for 36 years, and I'm learning all the time. That goes on forever. This side of heaven, that goes on the rest of your life. The big theological word for it is sanctification. Spiritual growth. It's spiritual growth. But that spiritual growth begins first with a new heart given to you through faith in Jesus Christ. Don't put the cart before the horse, trying to have it all figured out. Once I get it figured out, then I'll come to Christ. No, the start of the journey, the start of the journey is coming to faith in Christ. And then, with the help of the Holy Spirit, figuring it out. Hi. Good, how are you? I didn't even see the cross here, but I started going back to church about three weeks ago. I've just been really going through it the last four years since 2020. I've had some really unfortunate things happen to me. My name's Tony. Tony? Joseph. Joseph, and this is Shakia. Shakia, hi. I have to go pick up my daughter. Okay. I'm going to give you guys a hug. Thank you. And I hope we will see you at church. Shakia, can I give you my card before you take off? Yeah. So, all the information about the church is in there. But if you and your daughter would like to come over for dinner with me and my family, or if you just want to talk more, give me a call. This is your number? Yep. Okay. Thanks for the time, Shakia. Good spending time with you. So what's up, Joseph?