It also means I'll probably change some of the dynamics of the class a little bit, because it is really, really, really fun to toss this question around at length and almost frustrate people. But we may need to limit that so that we can actually get to a biblical answer for that. Otherwise, we'll just end up leaving the questions. So why don't I pray as we get started? And then we'll, yeah, we'll seek the Lord. Father in heaven, Lord, we are grateful for the majesty of your word, and we're grateful for your son, Jesus. As we heard this morning, his identity, who he is, is what brings us here today. And thank you, Lord, for calling us into fellowship with your son, Jesus. And so we pray that today, as we look at marriage, which has such importance because it represents our relationship as a group to this very important person, Jesus. As we look then at this symbol that you've created, we want to understand it in its own terms so that we would better understand what it would mean for our relationship with Christ. We're driving towards that, and so lead us, in Jesus' name we pray, and bless the service and the other classes going on. In Christ's name, Amen. I know it stirred up several people's thoughts, probably less so the married crowd and more so the single crowd, as they think about, what's my life to be? And so after several conversations this week, I have something I want to add. Yes, marriage brings anxiety, problems. And Paul says, I'd rather have you be free of them but for the purpose of living for Jesus wholeheartedly. That's presupposed. We mentioned it last week. That is presupposed. And so, there's not an option of stress-free life. You're either going to be married and have the difficulty of how to please Jesus, how to please my spouse, or you're going to live so wholeheartedly for Jesus that you don't have time for yourself. So, as one of you actually said to me, maybe the test is, I'm already single, am I living for Jesus fully right now? Because if I'm not living for Jesus fully right now, I'm going to advise you should seriously consider getting married. Because it will cramp your life, it will provide a good context for sanctification. And I dare say most of the married Christians in this room have learned what it means to actually love somebody in the context of being married. I see you nodding your heads. And so many of you are going to actually learn that way. And Paul, what we see in 1 Corinthians 7, with sexuality being a real draw, but 1 Timothy 5, and I think a lot of males on the physical side, but as one emailed me, females want marriage too, maybe more for intimacy than for physical things, but to have that really tight bond intimately. with somebody interpersonally. 1 Timothy 5 tells us younger widows are wanting to get married too and they're going to break promises about, I'll just live for Jesus. Paul just says, they're just going to break promises. And so mere willingness isn't enough. It's got to be firm, firm, firm and it should be tested with, how are you living right now? That's really, I think, advisable. And if you're like, you know, I waste a lot of my time, I spend a lot of my money and resources on myself, I'm really quite, you know, yeah, I love Jesus, but single-heartedly loving Jesus? Keep looking for your spouse. There's a sanctification project out there for you on its way. So that seems to be the normal way for a lot of us. People are then freed of marriage through death, sometimes even divorce, as we see in 1 Corinthians 7, the unbeliever just doesn't want to be there anymore. Then at that point, yes, very seriously consider staying single, because at that point it's like, you've maybe raised a family, you've gotten beyond those initial years, you've grown, then why not live the rest of your days strictly for Christ? And just run to the tape. Run hard to the tape, and finish your days, and go and be at the big wedding. Right? Which is Christ and His Church. So, yeah, Clay. The question is, could you remind us, just basic definition of when you say an opportunity for sanctification? Should I ask Ashley? Don't ask Gina. It's because the weight of responsibility provides the occasion, not the cause. The cause is the grace of God exhibited to us through Jesus. It's the love of Christ that constrains us. But the responsibilities provide the opportunity, the occasion then, to then look to the Lord to grow. All our trials give us that, according to James, right? Kind of pure joy when you encounter, you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And they provide the occasion for growth. They just do. Even the Son of God, Hebrews chapter 5 says, although he was a son, he learned obedience through the things which he suffered. And having become perfect, become mature, He was sinless, but immature as a human being. He matured through suffering. And he didn't have sin to deal with. Just like muscles don't grow without being stressed. And so, home life, domestic life, family life, is a wonderful place to be stressed. It just is. Just learning to live with somebody of the opposite sex, I mean, just strangeness, let alone sin, is going to cause stress. And that stress is the occasion of growth. You will look to the Lord if you are serious about loving your spouse. And then children come. Long term, you know, commitment. So, I just wanted to clear the record from last week. I just wanted to say, you know, it's like, I'm not giving a blank check to like, you know, all the single 20s plus or minuses in the room to just go stay single the rest of your life. I was like, it should be tested right now. And if you're not living fully for Jesus right now, I bet nine out of 10 of you should get married. Take it for what it's worth. It's not inspired. It's hopefully based on it, but... And I'm gonna move on, because now we have only... Forty some minutes. But if you have further questions, some of you sought me out, and I appreciate that. I am here as one of several shepherds, and that's my calling. So you don't think to yourself, oh, I don't want to bother Pastor Bob. It's like, that's what Pastor Bob, that's why he's called a pastor. That's what he's supposed to do. So don't think you're bugging me. This is actually what we do. And so, it's necessary for sheep. And so, and I've received, I've been on the receiving end. So, that was reviewed from last week. Everybody turn your Bibles to Hebrews chapter 13. Let's look at this verse together. Hebrews 13. If you've received counsel through Gina and myself, premarital counseling, this should sound really familiar. And it should be a nice review for you, actually. Hebrews 13. We don't know who wrote Hebrews, but the final chapters are faith, hope and love. Faith is 11, hope seems to be 12. This chapter says, let brotherly love continue. And so he's ending it with ticking off some areas of love. Verse 2. Prisoners or hospitality, excuse me. Verse 3 is prisoners and verse 4 is marriage. One verse on marriage and then the next is money. Just one verse on marriage. What are you going to say in one verse? You're going to say something on marriage. What are you going to say? You got two things, two commands. Let marriage be held in honor and and let the marriage bed be undefiled. For God will judge the sexually immoral and the adulterous." Usually when the sexually immoral word porneia in Greek occurs with moikeia, the word for adultery, I'm told that it differentiates the two. And porneia is no longer just in general sexual immorality, but actually more focused on fornication. which would be sexual activity, sexual intercourse outside of married people, where adultery is married people, at least one married individual, and so it's covering the bases. Whether it's fornication, or what we call premarital sex, or whether it's an affair, what we would call in our culture, both of these God will judge. Our sin finds us out. And so his eyes are in every place beholding the evil and the good. If you are involved in such an activity right now and haven't been a pastor long enough, That is occurring and occurs in churches and of this size, it would be shocking if there is not somebody in this room who is unfaithful and messing around and trying to keep it secret. You need to confess. You need to come clean. And I'm calling you to come clean. In the name of Jesus, you need to come clean. You need to confess. to the person you've wronged and you need to come to church leadership and not keep it even contained, we can handle it. You need to get counsel and it needs to be dealt with or it will be a fire that will eat you up and it could actually hurt this church and so we need to just throw that out very plainly and call that forth. That's the second one though. And a lot of times we think we're doing well if we just remain sexually pure. But marriage should be honored. Can we drop all the marriage jokes? and drop all the slurs and the ball and chain stuff and you know, it's like, can we just drop all that and actually speak well of being married, well of this thing that God created called marriage and honor it, speak well of it and hold it up. I'm not talking idolatrize it and as you heard last week, not to the minimization of singlehood and its benefits, not talking that. This is an honorable estate, as the old wording was. It's just honorable. It is a good thing. And so we should speak honorably. We should talk honorably. And we should not play house, cohabitate, live together, man and a woman. I'm living with my girlfriend, and then think, you know, this isn't somehow slurring marriage and dishonoring marriage. Like, when basically, you know, my girlfriend and I, or my boyfriend and I are living together, and we got, you know, our dog kid who goes to dog grandparents, and we got, you know, we're just kind of playing house, but we're really committed to each other. We really love each other. It's like cohabitation now is so prevalent. I forget the statistics are majority of those in their lower twenties, majority. I mean, it's like, it's so prevalent now. Those of you who are in that age, you will be counter-cultural to resist it. You just need to resist it. And don't let somebody talk you into it, and don't talk somebody into, well, we're going to get married. Well, we are engaged. Let's now live together. We might as well cut our expenses. Why have two dwellings? In fact, that's one of the sly ways to cohabitate, is to actually have two dwellings, but essentially you live in one. That's going on. It's like, let's honor marriage. Don't unwrap the Christmas gift. the gifts before Christmas comes. Don't spoil the Creator's delight in giving you marriage. And so it's one of the ways we need to guard the honoring of it and preserve it. So I'm just calling you to that too. I think the Lord is calling us to honor it. And so let's honor it with how we talk, let's honor it with how we live. And so may the Lord be gracious to us on that as well. For the sake of time, I'm moving through things that, in nice counseling sessions, we just kind of ramble all over the place. And I actually listen a lot more than talk sometimes, which is awesome. But the last one is, you gain two gifts on your wedding day. How many of you are engaged right now? Anybody got some engagement here? Praise the Lord, Lord's blessings. When John, Ethan and Shura get married, and I happen to know their wedding date because it's our anniversary, June 2nd, so praise the Lord. And was it May 14th? When Robert and Emily get married, May 14th, on that day they will receive two gifts, a spouse, precious gift to cherish and an institution called marriage. And they will join many of us in the room in the franchise as we all carry in sacred trust this institution called marriage. As we all then have a participatory role in presenting to the world what Christ and the Church look like. And so we're being called forth to rise up to that level. to dramatize before the world what Christ in the church looks like. And so, I don't know, should we have certificates on that day? Should there be like, you know, like shaking of hands, welcome to the club, you're now in, you know? And like, and then laying out the responsibilities of like what good club members do, and like representing us well. This is what marriage should look like, you know? And so we should call each other forth on this. This is what marriage should look like. It should look like Christ in the church, and it should picture it well. It was not until I came to Countryside Bible Church that I actually knew the distinction in this. Because in a previous ministry, I thought being a pastor was just caring for members, largely. Like sheep, shepherd. They need to be fed, they need to be led, they need to be brought back out of their wayward ways, like sheep, sheep, sheep, sheep, member, member, member, member, care, care, care, care. Marriage ends up being this way. It's like, oh, what are the needs of my spouse, the needs of my spouse, the needs of my spouse? Many fail. And so it's like, we want to, what is her needs? But it's a whole other thing when I came to this church and heard Pastor Lilly say, what's good for the ministry? And I was like, I don't know if I've ever thought about what's good for the ministry. It's like, what do you mean the ministry? Because I was used to like, let's bring up names at elders meetings, let's talk over, you know. But he was like looking at the big picture, looking at the group of the whole, which has a life to itself. It's one of the reasons why this church, it's a factor why this church is, I believe, healthy. because it had a pastor for many, many years doing that. I think Rob has come in. Do you see this? Can you look at your marriage and say, okay, you know, honey, how are you doing? I'm doing great. How are you doing? I'm doing great. You know what? Let's just save some money this year and not do anniversary. You're doing great. I'm doing great. We love each other. But it's actually important to say, we're going to honor our marriage, we're going to do something specifically for the marriage. And so we have certain things we do, certain things we prioritize, certain things we focus on for the marriage. That's a different way of thinking. And I think men especially, husbands, you need to really think through this and lead your family, what's good for not just my needs or her needs, and keep that healthy. And so, okay. Questions, thoughts, comments? This is like time-out time. Yes? Do you have any examples of jokes that would be inappropriate about marriage? Inappropriate jokes about marriage? Anything that drives bachelor parties before a wedding. Like, you aren't going to do this, you can't have, boy we better indulge tonight or, cause you're just, I mean it's just change for you after this. You know, that kind of a, can we be realistic? Paul is. It's going to mean divided attention. It's going to mean cares and distractions. But to make light of it and to put it down is dishonor. I wouldn't want to do that. That's what I guess I'm saying. Okay. Congratulations, Selena. You were the one question. Here we go. This is where you get to turn to your neighbor, those around you, and tell them your definition of marriage. Because if you get married, well what is that gift? It begs the question. You're sitting next to people in a room like this. You're definitely sitting next to people. So you can talk to them. What is your definition of marriage? That's what I said. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. All right. Here we go. All right. I'm looking for one word or two word phrase. I've got space here. Covenant. Image? Yes. Image. One man and one woman. One man, one woman. United. United? That? Like the Bride of Christ. Like the Bride of Christ. Faithful. Okay, faithful. Loving. Self-sacrificing. Amen, Amen. Hard work. Okay, I just made it to the end of the board. A lot of things come to mind. Marriage is a complex thing. It's not simple. So a lot of things came to mind right here as we talk about elements of marriage. Aspects of marriage, essence of marriage. So, listen to where your culture is at when it comes to marriage, because it is surprising to actually know, for all that our culture struggles right now, it is not necessarily because our culture unilaterally dishonors marriage. In fact, it may idolatrise marriage. in odd ways. And so listen to this story. I'm going to read a little bit from a book called What is Marriage? Man and Woman of Defense. This came out about 10 years ago and was used in the Obergefell case. And so I was made aware of it at the time and I read it back in that time period. And so it does a very good job of showing the revisionist view on one side, where our culture is largely at. That's what we're going to look at first. And then a natural law view or traditionalist view. because Catholicism and Protestantism view the traditional view from different aspects. So there's some wrinkles there. So I'm going to touch on some of the wrinkles and then we'll look at scripture and elements with implications. This is where I hope to go. But here's a famous case that I didn't want to pay the New York Times to actually get the original article for, because I just don't want to give them my money. And so they summarize it here. So fall of 2006, a guy named John Partilla, an advertising executive from Upper West Side in New York, meets Carol Ann Riddle, a local news anchor. Like-minded, both brimming with energy, they hit it off. Within five years, they're exchanging vows. But when the New York Times gave feature coverage to their wedding, it sparked a blaze of controversy. Petilla and Riddle were married to others when they met at their children's pre-kindergarten class. In fact, their families have become friends and even vacationed together. But rather than, quote, and this is the important part, deny their feelings and live dishonestly, they chose to abandon their spouses and children And here's another quote from the article. All they had were their feelings, which Ms. Riddell described as unconditional and all-encompassing. It was a gift, but I had to earn it. Were we brave enough to hold hands and jump? Some of you would be familiar with The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, from mid-1800s in America, a very reclusive man, would only go out at night for about 16 years, and then became an author, a famous author, but Hester Prynne commits adultery and has to wear a letter A for the rest of her life, a red scarlet letter A. Supposedly Puritan, it's not very Puritan. It's a parody of Puritan times. But we don't know, the town doesn't know who actually committed adultery with her, because she has a child. And so Pearl, I think, is the baby. And so who is the one who slept with Hester? Happens to be the minister. I think there's names like Arthur Dimmesdale. I think it's the guy, Arthur Dimmesdale. It's like Dimmesdale. He's hiding in the shadows and his conscience is eating him up. I hated reading this book because I know what a guilty conscience feels like. I can just feel it in the book. I know what it's like to lead a secret life. I can feel it in the book. It really disturbed me when I read it. And then, the one who comes to minister to his needs, medically, is the woman's husband, I think his name is Chillingworth. So you'd have Chilling's feelings, and so Roger Chillingworth or something like that comes and ministers to his needs. And so, the tension is, is that there's a, there's, she expresses at the end of the book, oh, that there were such a world, where feelings, a person could be true to their feelings and live them openly. And she is seen as the heroine because she is open and lives an open life. And the other man is put down, not because he committed adultery, but because he's not being true to himself and he's not having courage enough to be upfront and honest about it, open. This is the inverted values that we live in. that now being true to yourself is more important than being true to your vows or being true to your God. As if denying yourself and your feelings is somehow acting wrong. Right and wrong are always tied to what's true and what's false. Being untrue to one's feelings is acting as if I am the highest standard and self is the center of gravity for my universe. And I must act rightly by being true to myself. And if I deny myself or untrue, I'm acting false and I need to repent and live an open life. Okay, do you understand the way your culture thinks of this? And it tempts us in the room to think similarly. and to end up committing wrong in this name. So this is one. How about this one? Here's another story. Stories are interesting. Oscar and Alfred. I think they made this one up. Oscar and Alfred. Here you go. They live together, support each other, share domestic responsibilities, have no dependence. Because Oscar knows and trusts Alfred more than anyone else, he would like Alfred to be the one to visit him in the hospital if he's ill, give directives for his care if he's unconscious, and inherit his assets if he dies first. Alfred feels the same way about Oscar. Each offers the other security amid life's hardships and company in its victories. They face the world together. So far, the writers say, you may be assuming that Oscar and Alfred have a sexual relationship. Does it matter? What if they're bachelor brothers? What if they are college best friends who never stopped rooming together or who reunited as widowers? In these cases, most would agree they're not spouses. They're committed dyads is what they get called in this book. A general policy of like what committed dyads, twos, look like. So that's, the challenge is, is that we, according to this book, one of the pitfalls of our perverted view of marriage is that friendships have been affected. And it's harder to have friendships in our culture as a result. This is what the revisionist view looks like. It is intense emotion like an intense emotional bond plus domestic life. If these are there and then you throw in a sexual aspect to it, then our culture would say that's marriage, according to the revisionist view. Emotional bond determined by its intensity and domestic life. In a sense, it's like soulmate. And so, if I could be, just kind of like summarize their book, their contention is, is that because friendships, intense emotional bonding friendships have been co-opted in this broadening view of marriage, to have good friendships in our culture because our culture is looking towards marriage, that individual, whatever that individual is, who will be my best friend, that individual either gets called my spouse, Or I'm looking for, in a Christian setting, I'm looking for my spouse to be that individual, to be my soulmate, my best friend, my be-all and all, as it were. And under those idolatrising, heightened conditions, marriages are crushed because they can never rise, no individual can ever rise to that standard. So people that hold to one man, one woman, that's what marriage is. It can't be Oscar and Alfred, and it can't be homosexual, it can't be any kind of committed emotional bond that involves sexuality. No, it's got to be a man and woman, but they've been influenced by our cultures. idolatrising of marriage as the most intimate, intense, personal, interpersonal relationship, they end up coming into it with high expectations, it will inevitably fail, and then they'll go back and say, well, I must have picked the wrong individual. And they'll go back to the pool again to find that individual. Does that make sense? One person I was just counseling with at some point, and I get loose track at some point, it's like... It's like, you know, I think for a young person, single, you might think, if I found the right one, then I know this will last. And especially if you are the product, or have suffered through the divorce, or parents have gone through divorce, you have a heightened sense of like, I better be more careful, I better make sure, I better double down. If I can find that right one, then success will come. Essentially, the work, the hard work is not up front, it's afterwards. No matter who you find, you're going to struggle. I mean, Gary Chapman says, about two years euphoria lasts. That's about it. The Tingleys, he calls them. After that, hard work begins. Pastor Lilly actually won't even call it love, the Tingleys. He just said, they don't even love each other yet. They got to start loving each other. You know? Henry Smith said, choose your love, Eve the Puritan. Choose your love and love your choice. At some point, you're just going to have to choose. Some of you are like, but I don't know if it's my soulmate yet. You probably have somebody in your life going, you're a good match. You're fine. You know, it works out. But is it V1? We'll know after the wedding. That's the one God gave you. But up front, there's a range of people who will fit the bill. And so, if it's a good match, it's a good match. And so, God providentially brought this one. How do you know if He'll providentially bring another one along? You don't know. But this is a good match. You guys are good together. Get married. Because whoever you pick, after the wedding day, let the work begin. The hard work is going to begin then. Choose your love and love your choice. So this is where we're at right now in our culture. Lifting it out of man and woman and setting it in other settings has ended up having collateral damage. Both for friendships and for marriages even within Christian churches. Because now we've created heightened expectations. It's got to be so intense and so fulfilling and THE one. That kind of view. It's like, we've got to pare this down. So, okay. All right. Questions, comments on that? This is so weird. We're under a time limit. It's so strange. It's like, and there's food out there. You know, it's like... Some of you are going to want to talk afterwards on some of these things. Because this is heavy. What I just gave you right now is very heavy. This book I read for Baruch El a month ago. I did a retreat up at Camp Baruch El and talked about emerging adulthood and applied some principles from the Bible. He is the founder of this discipline, scholarly discipline, Jeffrey Arnett. And the book was outstanding. He says, so emerging adulthood is like the new adolescence. You get all done with high school and still we're not seeing adults grow up. And so they're in transition. It's a new time period in American history. It's like, what's this? It's noted as identity exploration. It's noted for its instability. It's noted for its self-focus. You have the least amount of responsibilities then at any point in life. You're not answerable to parents or siblings and you don't have your own family. You can just focus on me. Not all that's bad, you've got to figure out who God called you, so some of that's good. Feeling in between, I'm not yet an adult, but I'm definitely not a child. And it's filled with possibilities and optimism because nothing's been committed yet. All doors are open. I could be this, I could go there, I could live in that city, I could do this. And so, it's a unique time period. What created this? Arnett more than once in his book said, it is created because we have uncoupled sex from marriage. And so marriage can happen in your upper 20s. Now is the time to focus on you. You need to get this figured out. Do you realize that in the 1950s, half of our women were married by age 20? when sex was not untied from marriage. It gets untied in the 60s, and we're living with the sociological ramifications of that, of a new kind of existence. And if you as singles want to live pure and be married in your lower 20s, you're now facing a world that isn't putting pressure on that time period to get married, and so a lot of your peers aren't interested in marriage. So it's harder for you to find a spouse. Because it's like they're not serious about it. And you may be serious about it. But there's not the social pressure. Do you realize here's another? This is from Marvin Lasky. Before the Revolutionary War, one out of every three babies was conceived outside of wedlock. Now, it has to be estimates. But one out of three conceived outside of wedlock. There's a nine-month gestation period. You can figure this out because only 1 out of 20 was born out of wedlock. Now think of the implications of that. Young man, young woman, you messing around and you're taking the responsibilities of marriage upon yourself. I can have those privileges and they come with responsibilities. Social pressure says that you need to marry. I know one person, 1969, around that time period, it's like, same thing happened there, and the pressure of the family members were, you get married, and the very testimony of the man was, if it wasn't for that social pressure, I would have never committed. Because the commitment is scary, to make those vows. But the social pressure forced that man, as it were, into marriage. And that marriage has lasted to this day. Not everyone does, but notice you're living in an environment that doesn't put that pressure. And so you're not living with that kind of helps. It's got to come from us as a church and inside as believers. OK, let me go to the traditional. Now we're down to 15 minutes. I'm going to go to the traditional side. Obviously, traditionally, sex and marriage go together. And so the authors of this book, they call It's a comprehensive union. This is interesting. By comprehensive they mean it's not just one dimensional. There's actually at least three dimensions to marriage that makes the union. It is a union. Jesus says, no longer two, it is one. So union is the right word. We're dealing with a oneness. It has elements in it that are more than just flat. Their definition, which would be more natural law, and I'm going to go to Genesis here, but their definition was this. Marriage is, of its essence, a comprehensive union. A union of will, by consent, and body, by sexual union. You might say soul and body. inherently ordered to procreation and thus the broad sharing of family life. In other words, inherently ordered, we would say, by design, God created that this, that love, leads to life. The union is going to lead to children, possibility at least. So it's inherently ordered towards procreation and thus the broad sharing of family life and calls for And it's calling for the permanent and exclusive commitment, whatever the spouse's preferences. Those last ones are harder to prove by natural law alone. The first ones are easier to prove biologically, the certain union, it's easier to prove man and woman by natural law. There is only one of the biological systems that is not self-contained in an individual human being. The reproductive system requires two. And when you get a man and a woman together, now they become one flesh. That's the Bible's definition. One flesh. So that is a unique thing that can't happen with a man and a man and a woman and a woman. The one flesh relationship is utterly unique. So the sexual union of this is definitely intrinsically part of this definition of marriage. But there's also then, as they say, a union of will, of soul. Now, here's the church context. Basically, in the Middle Ages, the traditional Catholic is, this is for procreation. And sexuality is tolerated, more or less, and is tainted by concupiscence. And so, it's just... It's hard to argue that it's not tainted. I'll just throw that out. But it can be. It can be sanctified and holy because it's created by God. We know from 1 Timothy chapter 4 that marriage and food are created by God to be enjoyed by those who believe. They're sanctified by the Word of God and prayer. We have a whole book in the Bible on marriage called Song of Solomon. And there's not a child in the book. To make procreation the chief purpose for marriage is to actually go against the only book of marriage in the Bible. Because not a child is in the book. Not even mentioned. So that's an interesting response. There must be something more to marriage than just having children. Or having legitimate or sanctified children. What happened in the Reformation was Protestants identified three purposes. Children, Protestants, if I can spell it, Protestants identified children, chastity, and companion. Chastity because there is sexual immorality. Let every man have his own wife. 1 Corinthians chapter 7, we saw that. Children, yes. God designed, be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth. He made us male and female. But companion, not good for man to be alone. That's what we started last week. I'll make a helper suitable for him. Not good for man to be alone. So, he creates the woman, brings her to him so that she would be with him, and he sticks to her, clings to her, so they would be one, one flesh. So all these, what the Protestants did, and I'm right now, I started dipping in a book by Stephen Osment on family life in the Reformation time period, which gives light on the medieval times and then later. But these three came out of a revisiting of Genesis. And this verse right here says, Based on the origin of marriage and the origin of woman, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother, cling to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is now the comprehensiveness. A new unit. New home. No longer the old home. No clan. This is a new unit. Clinging. One flesh, as the woman came from man, not from the dust, so is brought back. The one flesh is now reunited. And so, this is marriage for all times, in all places. Therefore, based on how God made marriage, this is what it is. 1 Corinthians 11 and 1 Timothy 2, when marriage comes up, goes back to creation. They are not cultural arguments, they are creation arguments. This is not a matter of culture. This is transcendent of culture and time. Does that make sense? What we see in Genesis is for all times and all places. So here are your elements. They're scattered in the book. First of all, Naomi tells Ruth, go back and find a husband. And Naomi goes, no, you need me. And she clings to Naomi. Ruth clings to Naomi. That is a deliberate echo of Genesis. And she gives a vow, an oath, Your people will be my people. Your God, my God. Where you go, I will go. Where you lodge, I will lodge. And then she, the oath has a curse on herself. If she breaks this, she brings a curse on herself. This helps us to realize, first of all, it is in the context of the question of marriage. But it is not marriage. But it teaches us what the Kling word is. The Kling word speaks of a covenant. It's a bond and she clung to her and she made a covenant. She made a covenant actually stronger than the marriage covenant because marriage covenant is actually stopped when somebody dies and she says, even where you die, I will die. So she even goes beyond what marriage would require. It is not a marriage though, because it's not male and female. But she gives a commitment to her mother-in-law that is of the size of marriage. David and Jonathan. The only time in the Bible that I've ever found where it says somebody loves someone else as himself is Jonathan. Jonathan loved David as himself. This is a friendship par excellence. And David says when Jonathan dies that David's love was better than a woman. I had a couple in Switzerland County, Indiana tell me they were homosexual and it justified their son in his lifestyle. It is not a marriage also. This is a covenant that has a friendship bond to it. but is not male and female, it doesn't match the pattern with the big therefore. Lastly, 1 Corinthians 6.16. This says, when a man sleeps with a prostitute, they become one flesh. And it quotes Genesis 2.24. Have you ever asked the question, if a man sleeps with a woman outside of marriage, does that very act make them married? I've asked it. I had one young lady call me up on the phone that she's part of the congregation we served in one time and she was all distressed because somebody dirty talked to her on the phone and she should have not followed through. She listened and then the man turned around and said, now because that has happened, we are married. And oh man, she was just spun out of sorts. And I was so livid and angry at that man, and I just talked to her so plainly, it's like, you are not married. Because one flesh relationship doesn't make you married. The woman at the well had five husbands, and the man she's now with is not her husband. And so, none of these by themselves make a marriage. Marriage is by covenant. It is between a man and a woman. It's the only way you get one flesh. It's where a woman originated, and it involves a friendship, according to Song of Songs, which speaks of a man and a woman being friend and lover. I contend this is what marriage is. You have your basic elements right here. My wife is my friend. My wife is my lover. We are no longer two, we are one flesh. No longer two. And this happened because on June 2nd, 1990, we stood before God and these witnesses. A covenant is public. There is no such thing as like secret marriages. We stood before God and these witnesses, and we exchanged vows the same way Ruth would have, and gave a commitment that was covenant. And on that day, I clung to that woman. We are no longer two, we are one. Marriage is a comprehensive union that involves body and soul, by covenant, before God. That is marriage. So, this last thing to say This is represented by the traditional wedding ceremony which came from the Reformation era, Book of Common Prayer, it's Anglican, which as they looked at Genesis, there's an echo of it. The leaving father and mother who gives this woman to this man, the exchange of vows, and then the kiss, representing one flesh. The two shall become one flesh. When you look over here, please note, I have one minute. Please note, some of these are commitments, hard work, sanctifying, self-sacrificing, loving, I will be faithful to you. These are only duties because of this. Once this is established, do you take this woman? Do you take this man? Once you take that woman, once you take that man, now let me tell you what the duties and responsibilities are. If you don't take this woman, you don't have to be faithful to her. You don't have to be self-sacrificing, loving, other than to any neighbor. But once you take this woman and I will be husband to you and you will be wife to me, I will be wife to you and you will be husband to me, once there's a covenant, now let me list to you the responsibilities. But the mere committing to the responsibilities does not make a marriage. There has to be a clinging. It's not just a matter, I commit to do this and this for you. The clinging has to happen. And so, there's a union. So, you guys have been patient with me. We just waded through some deep cultural waters today. You probably have questions. And so, may you ask and get answers and all that stuff. We will revisit it probably next week in review because we went through it quickly. But at this moment, we are going to close in prayer. Everybody will go get some soup and those designated will rearrange this room. So let's pray. Father in Heaven, thank you Lord for the gift of marriage. We pray that we will honor this. If we have not or have not been, grant us true repentance. But Lord, we pray that we will honor it. ever get married, that we will always speak of it well and encourage those who are married. So bless our marriages, bless our homes, and we pray now you bless this meal, and we thank you for the hands that prepared it. In Jesus' name, amen.