All right, let's go ahead and get started. Where we are in the notes, just in case you're lost, we're looking at the notes about love one another. This was last week's notes, and we're on that third point where it says the motivations of Christian love. Does everyone see where we are? We just need to wrap up this section. We are in a series where we're studying the one another commands of the Bible, and we're talking about cultivating covenant community. How do we relate to one another within the body of Christ? And last week, we talked about loving one another, and we didn't quite finish, and so that's what we're going to do tonight, and then also get into forbearing one another and forgiving one another as well. So we kind of have an overlapping of the material. But the verse that we looked at last time was John 13, and I'll just read it again. Familiar passage, John 13, verse 34 and 35, where Jesus says, a new commandment I give to you, that you love one another just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this, all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. Let's pray together. Father in heaven, we thank you for your word. It is sharper than any two-edged sword, and it penetrates to the division of soul and spirit, joints and marrow, weighing the very thoughts and attitudes of our hearts. We ask that your word would pierce our hearts tonight, that you would reveal our sin, but that you would also show us the way to look to Christ for forgiveness and for the power to overcome our sin, to live as faithful followers of Jesus. We pray especially that you would knit our hearts together in love, that you would help us to grow in our understanding how to love one another in the body of Christ, how to forbear with one another, and how to forgive each other. We pray that your spirit would bless us tonight as we study these things and as we discuss them later. Thank you for those who you have appointed to be here tonight. Bless those who are providentially hindered from being here. and we ask that you would help us to grow in grace. In Jesus' name we pray, amen. So we're in this section, Motivations of Christian Love, and the motivations I want us to look at as we're finishing up that lesson from last time are essentially God-centered motivations. These are not gonna motivate the natural man to love others. but rather these motivations are things that would motivate someone who's truly born again, someone who truly believes in Jesus for the forgiveness of sin, someone truly indwelt by the Holy Spirit, this will motivate you. And so you have to have Christ to have Christian love, but if you do have Christ, you're motivated by not so much natural considerations, but spiritual considerations, and that's what these are. And true love is inward, right? So it's motivated by the Holy Spirit in our hearts. But just some of the things that we should think about. One is love glorifies God's character. So God is love, right? You learn that from your earliest days. If you grew up in church, God is love. The father is the ultimate lover. The son is the beloved and the spirit is the love between the father and son. God has always been loved because he's always loved within the fellowship of the Trinity from all time. And when we love as Christians, when we love one another, we are revealing the character of God. So one of the reasons why Jesus would say, by this, all people will know that you're my disciples, if you have love for one another, is because that's the characteristic of God himself. That's at the heart of the gospel, is God's generous love for us and giving us his son, and in his son, sacrificing himself for us. And so as Christians, we want to glorify God. And one of the ways we glorify God or we display His greatness is in community, loving one another well. And so that is one motivation, a very powerful one. Another one is that love fulfills the law. If you look at Romans chapter 13, it makes this point about God's law and how love is the fulfillment of it. Romans 13 verse 8. It says, owe no one anything except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. For the commandments, you shall not commit adultery, you shall not murder, you shall not steal, you shall not covet, and any other commandment are summed up in this word. You shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no wrong to a neighbor, therefore love is the fulfilling of the law. So as Christians, we know that we're not justified by keeping the law, right? We could never be good enough to earn our right standing with God. But once we are justified by faith in Christ, we want to obey the law in gratitude for the grace that has been given us. So we want to obey the law because of the love that God has for us. And so that's the way we express our gratitude. And the law is what shows us what love looks like. The law is really the codification of love. It is love, you know, this is how, what does it look like to love your parents? Well, you honor them. What does it look like to love your neighbor? Well, you don't murder him. What does it look like to love the purity of marriage? Well, you don't commit adultery, right? So you see the love that is exemplified in the law. Love for God, of course, Jesus said, loving God with all of our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and loving others. This is fulfilling the law. It is carrying out the demands of the law. James says the same thing. In James chapter two, where he talks about love and the law. In verse 8, it says, if you really fulfill the royal law according to the scripture, you shall love your neighbor as yourself, you are doing well, but if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors. For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has been guilty of all of it, For he who said, do not commit adultery, also said, do not murder. If you do not commit adultery, but do murder, you have become a transgressor of the law. So speak and so act as those who are to be judged under the law of liberty, for judgment is without mercy to the one who has shown no mercy. Mercy triumphs over judgment. So again, the law is fulfilled by love. The law is not against love, it is not opposed to love. The law is the expression, in commandment form of what it means to actually love God and love our neighbor. So those things aren't in conflict with one another. And if we really want to obey the law, we will love one another. Thirdly here, love discovers God's work. When you love someone else in the body of Christ, let's say, you're discovering the goodness of God in that person, right? So because all people are made in the image of God, you can see God's work in all people. I mean, even Christian, non-Christian, everybody's made in the image of God. Even with sin, spoiling that image, all people have dignity, all people have value and worth because they're created by God and we can see that. But then because Christians are redeemed by Christ, we can see God's work in them. And so we should be motivated to discover the good works that God has done in our brothers and sisters. We discover that, we see it as good, and we affirm it. And the Bible talks about this, like in James 3 and verse 9, where he says, you know, with our tongues, we sometimes betray the sin that's in our heart because our tongues will praise God, but then they'll also curse man who's made in the image of God. James says, from the same mouth come blessing and cursing. And the idea is that you should treat man, your fellow man, in a right way because he's made in the image of God. You should not abuse the image of God in him with your tongue. And so the motivation then is to God has created people, and in the church, God has redeemed people, there's always something you can affirm in your brother and sister for whom Christ died, because they're made in the image of God, and they're also, they're redeemed by Christ. And Calvin has this great quote that applies not just to Christians, actually, it applies to non-Christians as well, but it's a good reminder of how we should relate to other people in terms of our love for them. He says this, the Lord enjoins us to do good to all without exception, though the greater part, if estimated by their own merit, are most unworthy of it. Most people are unworthy to be loved, Calvin says that. But scripture subjoins a most excellent reason when it tells us that we are not to look to what men and themselves deserve, but to attend to the image of God which exists in all, and to which we owe all honor and love. Say that he is unworthy of your least exertion on his account, but the image of God by which he is recommended to you is worthy of yourself and all your exertions. We are not to reflect on the wickedness of men, but look to the image of God in them, an image which, covering and obliterating their faults, should by its beauty and dignity allure us to love and embrace them." So it's basically saying there's good in everybody, right? That's not contrary to total depravity. Calvin taught total depravity, we're sinful, we cannot save ourselves, we're corrupted by sin, but sin has not eradicated the dignity of man by creation, the image of God. And so there's always something good you can see in someone else, which compels you to love them, even those who are, in terms of their actions and their attitudes, are most unworthy of love. Because of their sin, there is still something that you can see that would call forth love in your heart. Calvin's talking again about all people, but how much more so, right? Our brothers and sisters in Christ, because they have the work of the Spirit in them and the restoration of that divine image. And so these are the kinds of things that motivate us as Christians to love one another. These are the kinds of things that we are to to think about. Now let's go to looking at a real kind of flesh and blood outworking of that by thinking now about forbearance and forgiving one another. So of the one another commands, what's most important? Love one another. Because all these other one another commands are essentially the outworking of love one another. And they're just specific instances. This is how you love one another in the body of Christ. And the lesson we're on now is it looks like forbearance. It looks like forgiveness. So look at the key scriptures here. Look at Colossians chapter 3 and verse 12. to verse 14, and just see how it puts this together. It says, Colossians 3, verse 12 through 14, put on then as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. What if we put on all of those virtues? Our relationships with one another would be a lot better, wouldn't they? Compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience. But then look in verse 13. Bearing with one another, and if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other, as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive. And then a parallel passage, just flip to the left in your Bible to Ephesians. 4, 31 and 32. It says, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another as God and Christ forgave you. So these passages speak about forbearance and forgiveness. Now, we often hear more about forgiveness, don't we? That we should forgive each other. I don't know if I've ever heard a sermon on forbearance. But both of these are actually important and they go together. So first of all, let's think about forbearance. This is one of the ways we relate to one another. We're supposed to forbear. We're supposed to bear with one another. Forbearance involves patiently bearing with others in love. That's what we're talking about. Patiently bearing with others in love. It's, you know, a crass way of putting it is putting up with each other. It requires tolerance, that we tolerate the way people are. Restraint, don't say the first thing that comes to mind when you're around certain people. Self-control, which is what, the fruit of the spirit. But forbearance is essentially patiently bearing with others, putting up with their shortcomings, their defects, all of that out of love for them. Now, forbearance differs from forgiveness in that forbearance is really the loving response to difficult people who are not necessarily guilty of sin. So forgiveness, you're always forgiving someone who's what? Sinned against you. That's what forgiveness means, to extend grace to someone who's sinned against you or offended you in some way. Forbearance is more putting up with people and just their issues. and the way that they are. You know, why are you the way that you are? But forbearance is enduring that in love, in a spirit of love. So some situations, I put down your notes here, when you dislike another Christian's personality, calls for forbearance, the virtue of forbearance. So maybe someone is way too extroverted for you. It's just too much. Or you're frustrated at someone else because they're so quiet and introverted, right? Forbearance means that you endure with them in love. You keep pursuing them. You maintain the relationship and care for them. Or when you dislike another Christian's mannerisms and quirks. Some people are just weird. Come on, they are. And so you have to love them and endure with them, even if it's just odd. When you tire of another Christian's favorite topics of discussion, do you ever see someone coming and you're like, oh, I know what he wants to talk about, or I know what she wants to talk about, and you just almost want to run and hide? I'm sure none of us have ever felt that way before. But to endure someone means you don't avoid them, you bear with them, maybe where they are in their stage of life, that's what they want to talk about. And that's love. When you are annoyed, frustrated, or disappointed by another Christian. So you can be annoyed, frustrated, or disappointed with them, and maybe they haven't sinned, right? Maybe they've just failed to meet your expectations. But forbearance is bearing in love with them in that context. Or what about when you're overwhelmed by another Christian who overshares, or who's constantly complaining, or who is emotionally needy? Forbearance means receiving that person as they are, meeting them where they are, loving them. Obviously, you can think of other situations, maybe discuss some of the situations that come to mind, obviously without naming names. But this is what we're talking about when we talk about forbearance. Now, forbearance is always going to require us, like any act of love, to die to ourselves. our personal comfort, what we like, what makes us happy. We're gonna have to set those things aside so that we might love someone who irritates us, annoys us, frustrates us. Forbearance means pursuing that even at the expense of what I like to be around. That's forbearance. You think Jesus with his disciples, did he ever have to bear with them? Sure. There were misunderstandings, there were questions, there were all kinds of sins they had, and yet Jesus stuck it out with them. That's forbearance. So how do you know if you struggle with forbearance? If there are other Christians, you cannot stand to be around. I can't stand to be around this person. Because of this thing that they do, I don't even know if they're aware that they do it. Forbearance means you don't retreat, right? You love that person, you maintain the relationship for Christ's sake, and you endure. So when we don't forbear with people, the most common way we sin against God in this area is we just avoid people, right? You avoid the people you don't wanna put up with. So you see that person coming, and you know what they wanna talk about, and you're like, go down another hallway, or you see the, you know, you see someone coming and you just know that they just really rub you the wrong way, their attitude is always so cynical, and you don't wanna put up with it, and you avoid them. And so avoidance, obviously, is not a good tactic, right, because we miss our opportunity to show them love and therefore grow in love, grow in exercising love to someone who is difficult. And that's an aspect of forbearance. So we need the Holy Spirit because in and of ourselves, we often struggle to do this. This doesn't come naturally, right? But that's the kind of love we want the world to see is a love where people say, man, these people would never be together and care for one another. any other context but in the church in Jesus and because of Jesus and so that's the way it's supposed to be. We think, you know, sometimes I think I'm the most normal person I've ever met and everyone else is weird. But we think we're easy to love. I'm so lovable, why don't they like me? But we're actually not as easy to love as we think we are, right? And so we're called to love others as we have been loved, as the Lord has been patient with us to be patient with them, as the Lord overlooks our offenses to overlook their offenses. And so forbearance is something that we need to think about and pray for often. Help me to endure loving this person. And even obviously the Bible doesn't just call us to put up with them, right? It calls us to love one another earnestly from a pure heart. That's the language of scripture. Love one another earnestly from a pure heart. So how can we grow in this? We've already talked about learning to see the good in others. So maybe there's a bad personality, but maybe there's a spiritual gift that they have that you're not noticing. Or maybe there's someone who always wants to talk about one thing, but you realize there's something you could contribute to the conversation, right? There's things that you can look at that are good that you can affirm and show the love of Christ to them. Another thing that we don't do enough is that if another individual is a Christian, Who they are now is not who they will be. They will be glorified. They will one day be perfect. They will one day be fully conformed to the likeness of Christ, right? That won't take away their personality or their individuality, but God will redeem who they are. And so imagine who they are becoming by the grace of God. Imagine who they will be. I mean, think of that. Have hope for people. and think of what God is doing in them. We said show the patience that's been shown to you. And then something that we should think about more often is the most difficult people to love are the people who need love the most, aren't they? You often find the people who are the hardest to love are those who are really, really in need of attention, they need of care, they're in need of provision, sacrifice. But, and we need to remind ourselves that love should be drawn to that need, to meet that need, right? And so forbearance is something that we need to pray for and we need to think about how to cultivate in the body of Christ. And then the next thing here is forgiveness. We often end up saying some of the same things when we talk about forgiveness, but it's worth repeating. One of the questions people will ask is, is forgiveness unconditional? A lot of people have the idea that we should have unconditional forgiveness. And there's a sense in which we could say forgiveness is unconditional, right? We should be ready to forgive anyone, anything, right? God loves to forgive. God is a gracious God. He's willing to forgive. anyone, right? I mean, in a sense, that's his posture, that's his disposition. But not everyone is forgiven, right? So there is a condition you have to meet to receive God's forgiveness, right? Repentance and faith in Jesus, and you receive God's forgiveness. And so, similarly, you know, there is a sense in which we could say, I guess, forgiveness is unconditional in the sense of we're not to hold bitterness in our hearts to anyone in the body of Christ. You never have a right to hold bitterness against another brother or sister in Christ. Never. Zero for one second do you have a right to hold bitterness. Even if they're not repentant, your disposition is ready to forgive. But there's also a kind of forgiveness that results in a restored relationship and that is conditional, right? It is conditional on someone repenting, just like our relationship with God is conditional on repentance, it is. And that repentance comes from Him, so that's an unconditional gift, but there is that condition for enjoying the full benefits of the forgiveness. So think about it like this, does extending forgiveness to someone automatically restore trust? Obvious answer is no. Right? So someone, let's say you hire someone from church to work for you and they embezzle funds from your company, they come and confess, you may forgive them and fire them. Right? Forgive them and fire them because they have lost your trust. So you can forgive someone for what they've done that's wrong, the relationship can be restored, but then trust has to be rebuilt. And that takes time. Right? Trust is one of those things that's easy to lose and hard to gain. And so sometimes people give the impression that when you forgive someone, automatically you trust them again with everything, right? That's not true. Forgiveness has to do with the debt that they incurred by sinning against you and you're releasing them of that debt. So sometimes trust isn't regained even in this life. They can't be trusted again with that thing. and that's part of the consequences, the earthly consequences of sin. But forgiveness can still be granted, right? So forgiveness is one of the ways we should think about it. It is a promise and not a feeling. So when you say that you forgive someone who's sinned against you in the body of Christ, we're applying it like that, you're not promising that you'll never be hurt again. You can't be, you're not in control of that, right? Like when you forgive someone, you're not saying, I'm not hurt anymore. And you're also not saying that what you did wasn't serious. Sometimes we use the language when someone confesses sin to us and asks for forgiveness, we say, it's okay. That's not forgiveness. Forgiveness says it's not okay. but I release you of the debt you incurred by doing this wrong. And so forgiveness is a promise that when those hurt feelings come up in your heart, that you're not gonna hold it against the person. The feelings are gonna come up again. You're gonna remember what happened. You're gonna remember what they did. But you've made a commitment when you've said, I forgive you, that going forward, when those hurt feelings come up, I'm not gonna hold it against you. You see how it's a conscious act of the will God still remembers our sins. Now it does say he remembers them no more. It doesn't mean he's still omniscient, right? So he knows them. It means he doesn't remember them against us. He doesn't hold them against us. So forgive and forget doesn't mean you won't feel it anymore. It doesn't mean you won't remember. Some of the consequences are still right in front of you, right? But you're not holding it against the person. J. Adams, This is not your notes here, but just a little addition. J. Adams says that forgiveness always involves a threefold promise. The first is that you will not bring it up to others. The second is that you will not bring this up to yourself, and that you also will not bring it up to the person. So you're basically saying, I'm not gonna bring this up, right? I'm choosing not to hold this against the person. In my conversation with others, in my conversation with God about them, I'm letting this debt go. I'm not exacting the debt, right? You remember the parable of the unforgiving servant? He's exacting the debt. The unforgiving servant is exacting the debt. And so there has to be that choice. Now, as you can see from the passage in Ephesians and Colossians, the power to forgive is found in knowing how much we've been forgiven by Christ. Because what does it say? It says, forgive how? As you've been forgiven. You see that? It says, be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you. So when you realize how much you've sinned against God, when you realize how much grace God has shown you at the expense of his son, and he has forgiven you for all of your sins, then that is the motivation to forgive others. How can I hold others to the mat for what they've done when God has forgiven me so much? So essentially, if you find no power to forgive, it's almost always the case that you don't really see how much of a sinner you are and how much you need God's grace. A pastor who mentored me once told me a story where his granddaughters had thrown a Frisbee, and I think they had broken a window to a car in the neighborhood or something, and they went with their grandfather to apologize to the neighbor, and he or she was merciless to them and did not forgive them. And all of this, not only did not forgive them, but wanted to be paid extra and all this kind of stuff. They wanted to make it right. And the granddaughters asked the pastor why this person was not able to forgive them. And he said, I suspect It is because this person doesn't realize how much he needs forgiveness, or she, or whatever it was. But so when you know how much you need forgiveness, that's what empowers you to show forgiveness to others. So you think about what's the opposite of forgiveness? Bitterness. And so bitterness is always rooted in self-righteousness. If you look here in your notes, it always says, I would never have done what you did, and I will not forgive you. It maximizes the nature of the offense and minimizes the nature of God's grace. It says, God shows me grace for my little sins, but I can't extend grace to you for your big sins. I mean, that's what bitterness says, right? It says, I would never have done that. That is unforgivable because we hold that self-righteousness in our hearts. But if we have come under conviction of our sin before the holiness of God, if we've realized how much we need the death of Jesus for our forgiveness, then freely you have received, freely give. As you have been forgiven, you forgive others. And there are some of the gravest warnings in the Bible for the refusal to forgive. I mean, some of the most absolutely bone-chilling warnings in the Bible, which show us that The refusal to forgive is spiritually dangerous. It hinders prayer. Jesus talks about when you pray, when you stand praying, forgive anyone, anything that you know has offended you. And the idea is that forgiving spirit is the spirit we're supposed to come to the Lord in prayer. Psalm 66, 18 says, if I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened. So there are sins we can cherish in our heart, and the Lord will say, I'm not listening with favor to your prayer. And so bitterness can block up and hinder our prayer life. We know that in Ephesians, right before that passage we read a moment ago, it tells us that bitterness can give the devil a foothold in your life. Ephesians 4, 26 through 27 says, be angry and do not sin. So righteous anger, if you will. And do not let the sun go down on your anger. and give no opportunity to the devil. So what happens when the sun goes down in your anger? Anger turns into bitterness, right? And you give the devil an opportunity. You give the devil an opportunity to work in your life. And so the heart becomes hard. The heart becomes callous with self-righteousness and vindictiveness and just holding that grudge. then that's why we're also told that the refusal to forgive leads to God's judgment. You think about when Jesus has given the Lord's Prayer in Matthew 6, and then he follows it up. So in the Lord's Prayer he says, you know, forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, and then he follows up the Lord's Prayer and he says something to the effect of, if you do not forgive others their sins, God will not forgive you your sins. Now Unfortunately, what often people do with that passage is they only explain it away. They only explain what it doesn't mean. They'll say, well, this isn't teaching us that we earn our salvation by forgiving others. Duh. But it still says, if you don't forgive others their sins, God won't forgive your sins. So that has to mean something, right? without just explaining it away as if it doesn't matter. I was once at the eye doctor, and this guy was talking to me, and he was talking about how he had recently started to, he found out I was a pastor, and he had recently started to read his Bible, and he said, you know, something that Jesus said? And I said, what? And he said, he says if you don't forgive others their sins, God won't forgive you your sins. He's like, I never heard that before in my life. He says, I don't know if I forgive other people their sins. I'm wrestling with those words. And I just let it sit there. I didn't explain it away. I said, yeah, that's what Jesus says. If your sins aren't forgiven, that's a bad place to be, right? Because you don't go to hell for sin, per se. You go to hell for unforgiven sin, right? We have sin. It's forgiven sin. That's why we're saved. That's why we're justified. And that is so great. But if God doesn't forgive your sins, that means what it says, right? Jesus is not deceiving us. It's not teaching justification by forgiveness, but true faith, I think true faith in Jesus is a faith that will forgive others. It will forgive others because we know how much we have sinned. We know how much we need His grace. And so those are things that are meant to be warnings to us. They're meant to get our attention. By the way, they're also warnings that are appropriate to give to Christians because Jesus' Sermon on the Mount was to His disciples. And in the Sermon on the Mount, he warns about judgment because, you know, some of those disciples aren't genuine, right? Like a Judas or something like that. So we recognize that we have to take it seriously. In the parable of the unforgiving servant, remember the servant that is forgiven much and then tries to exact the smaller debt encounters God's judgment in that parable that Jesus tells. And so Jesus is talking about real judgment for bitterness and so we don't want to be motivated to forgive others just by the fear of judgment but that's in the Bible for a reason it is a motivation it's not the primary motivation but it is a motivation that that kind of says wake up you know this this refusal to live with our brothers and sisters in a spirit of forbearance and forgiveness If we refuse that, we could be inviting the devil into our life. We could be hindering our prayer, and ultimately, it could lead to judgment, the Bible warns. And so, that's something we should take into account when we think about these things, that the Bible is dead serious about the matter of forgiveness, right? That's the point. So, what are some applications on these kinds of things? Well, one of the things that we should do as Christians is keep short accounts with others. So, you know, it says in 1 Corinthians 13, which we looked at last time, this is not how it's translated in the ESV. I think it's the NIV that translates it this way, but it's love keeps no record of wrongs. Love keeps no record of wrongs. I think the ESV translates it, love is not resentful. But the idea is that one of the ways we disobey the command to forgive one another is instead of doing the hard work of forgiving someone or confronting them and seeing reconciliation, we just let that record go up in our hearts. We keep records of the things that people, not written records, but in our minds we know all the people who have hurt us, we know how they have wronged us, we've marked that up against them, and we've not dealt with it, and so it affects the way we treat each other. So keeping short accounts is a good idea, right? Because then that doesn't build. because it doesn't go away just overnight. You can find out years later, man, I've had something against this brother or sister in Christ for years, and I've just allowed it to fester and didn't even realize it was there. So keeping those accounts short, trying to pursue reconciliation as soon as you can. One of the spiritual disciplines you should have, and we talked about this a little bit last time, is every time you come to the Lord's Supper, You should always ask two questions, not only two, but at least two. One is, do I know of anyone I have sinned against that I need to go and seek reconciliation with? Secondly, do I know of anyone who has anything against me? You know, it's like in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says, if you're going to offer your gift and you realize your brother has something against you, go first and be reconciled with your brother and then offer your gift. So the Lord's Table calls us, it's communion with Christ, spiritual communion with Christ, but it's also communion with our brothers and sisters. And so there's supposed to be a gut check that happens with the Lord's Table. That's why we announce it a week in advance. So when you know the Lord's Table is coming up, you think, I need to make sure that I'm right with my brothers and sisters before coming to that table, because that table is a sign of union with Jesus, but also union with all other Christians. And so it's very, very important that we think about that. If you cannot get over something that someone else has done to you, So, you know, we talked about last time love is an overlooking love. Do you remember that? It was only one of the 12 characteristics of love. You should remember them all. You should have memorized these. But one of them was overlooking love. We overlook offenses. We overlook the things in other people's life that we turn a blind eye and a deaf ear out of love. You don't confront everything, right? But if you find someone does something to you that you can't get past, You keep thinking about it. It's still hurtful. You're talking about it to others. Then the Bible tells you how you deal with that in Matthew 18. Jesus says, if your brother sins against you, go tell the pastor. That's not what it says. If your brother sins against you, go talk to your best friend about it and ask her opinion. No. If your brother sins against you, what does it say? Go to your brother, go to him, and confront that person. And then if that person repents, have a party. And so the principle is to have good relationships in the body of Christ, we absolutely have to die to ourselves and get over ourselves and be willing to confront each other. We have such a fear of confrontation, and it's disastrous for our relationships. Almost every time I see relationships breaking down in the body of Christ, it's because of a failure to confront, lovingly, gently, graciously, biblically. So we avoid biblical confrontation. So what happens? I want to spell it out for you just so that we think through what happens. Because when we disobey what Jesus says to do in Matthew 18, 15, these four things always happen. When we say, my brother sinned against me, but I'm going to do everything in my power not to go talk to my brother or my sister because I would feel awkward. I'm afraid it might be uncomfortable or, you know, whatever it might be. These four things always happen when you don't do what Jesus says, okay? One, you will gossip about the person to others. You will. Because out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks and your heart has been hurt. And so your gossip is the result of your cowardice. Because the gossip is showing you're hurt, you need to go seek reconciliation, go talk to the person, but instead the gossip is allowing you to avoid the redemptive confrontation that needs to happen with that person. So by the way, when we hear gossip, that's how we should handle it. We should say, you know what would be wonderful? Go talk to so-and-so about what she did or he did. Secondly, You will not respond redemptively to your hurt, but you'll give bitterness the opportunity to grow in your heart. Because you're not dealing with it as Christ said to deal with it. What will happen is your self-pity will drive you inward. I can't believe she said that to me. I can't believe, can you believe she said that to me? You'll become obsessed with what others have done to you instead of what you can do for others. This is what she always does. This is what he always does. I can't believe it. You get so focused on the hurt that you don't take the steps that are necessary to have that hurt healed, right? And it's all because we're afraid to confront. We're afraid. It's hard. It's weird. And so we don't want to do it. Thirdly, we see your true feelings will manifest themselves in the wrong way at the wrong time. Isn't that the truth? When you hold a grudge, when you hold bitterness in your heart, and you think, yeah, I'll just push through this and I'll be fine, it'll come out at some point through a snippy comment, a mean glare, some kind of passive-aggressive thing that you say to the person, it will come out because it hasn't been dealt with. And then fourthly, the most important, you rob the other person of the opportunity to grow through that loving confrontation. Because when you don't go and talk to the person, you don't confront them, you say, you know, this was really hurtful, this thing that you said, or you really ought not to have done this, it doesn't give them the opportunity to say, you know, I didn't even realize I was doing that. Because we all have blind spots, don't we? We can't see the things in our lives that are sinful, are maybe not, are hurtful. And so we need that. We need others to come and say, you know, gently, humbly, not with an accusatory, you know, finger pointing, but to work on the relationship for the sake of Christ and to respond redemptively to the way that we have been sinned against. Often we just miss these opportunities because, quite frankly, most people, what do they do when they get hurt at church? Leave. And they go to another church. And what do they do when they get hurt at that church? They leave. And they go to another church. Sometimes they, unfortunately, don't even get involved in church because the hurt was so bad. But when we're constantly running away from the pain that God wants to use redemptively in our lives to make us more like Christ through these relationships that we have with one another, we're missing out on the opportunity to grow and become more like Jesus. Let's pray together and we'll go talk about these things. Father, we confess that every single one of us, myself included, we sin and stumble in many ways. We can think of ways that we've sinned against others. We can also think of ways that we have been deeply wounded by what others have done to us. Lord, we pray that through Christ and through the power of the Holy Spirit, that you would help us to forbear with one another. and that you would help us to forgive each other as Christ has forgiven us, so we also can and must forgive. May that be so in our lives. Help us to do the hard work of loving confrontation, but also of extending generous forgiveness, for we need the same forgiveness that we extend to others. We pray these things in Jesus' name, amen.