All right, everyone, we're going to continue our study in marriage. And I just want to say from the outset here, probably said it already, but there is a lot of really good material on marriage. Say, always start with your Bible, always start with your Bible. However, there are many good works out there that explain and expound upon what scripture says regarding marriage and as was the case the previous week, was the case this week, there is so much raw material to deal with There are times where it's quite overwhelming to look at all the pieces and put them together. And so I will say that in the course of our study, not only this week, but especially the weeks ahead, you will see a lot of overlap. And I'm fine with that. I think these are some precious truths that we need to remind ourselves of and see how they relate to one another. Truths regarding marriage, as with other truths from scripture, they don't stand in a vacuum, they're not isolated, they all relate. And so I think as time goes on, we will revisit several of these scriptures that we're going to be hitting even today. Several of the theological truths that we draw from those scriptures. So I say, hang in there. We do want some theological depth. We want to understand the scriptures most of all. especially for those of us who are married, or even if you're preparing for marriage, the important thing is that we see marriage the way that God sees it. And of course, there's a lot in scripture regarding marriage, and so one of the responsibilities that we have is, it's very similar to eschatology. I remember Doug Wilson kind of explaining it this way, that when it comes to things like eschatology and the return of Christ and the eschaton, you know, all those things. We have to look at scripture and we have to take out all the pieces, really, and we have to lay them on the table. It's almost like a very large Lego set. You know, we have all the pieces, we can maybe put them in bags and we have the instructions, and then we have the arduous yet glorious task of putting all those pieces together. And though it may be difficult, The finished product is one that we trust is beautiful and to our benefit. So I would say it's no different with marriage. And so what we're going to be focusing on in our study primarily this morning is Love, that is the love of a man for his wife. And so we're entering into this area of marriage study of what is commonly known of as roles. And of course, I've shared with some of you that I wish there was a better word than roles when it came to marriage, because we never want to portray the roles of marriage as if the husband and wife are faking it, as if they are play acting a part or merely following a script You know, we think of like a Broadway play or even a movie where someone else is playing a part that's not really them. You know, hate to break it to you, but Chris Hemsworth is not Thor, right? But we kind of have that picture of our mind of that actor and, oh, he's Thor. He's the God of Thunder, right? And so we don't want to think of marriage as that, where we're merely play acting, where we're not, we're not taking marriage seriously. We're sort of just going through the motions for the sake of appearances, you know, to the, to the extent where even the band can reason, well, I have to appear loving. So I follow the scripts. I have to recite the lines that I know. I have to quote the scriptures even, or, or express the correct theology regarding marriage. So I appear as a loving husband, even though The husband may have no affection in his heart at all for his wife. So we know that when it comes to loving, when it comes to these marital roles, there are internal affections connected to external actions. In the same way with the wife, she may say, well, I have to appear submissive to my husband. I have to follow the script. I also have to recite my lines, even if I don't respect my husband. But to appease him or to keep up appearances, I may occasionally refer to him or address him as my lord or master, just so people may think that I am really respectful and submissive to him. But all that time, her heart really isn't in it. She may not respect her husband. But this is where a proper understanding of love within marriage comes to bear. And I think it's very important. I would say, of course, men, this begins with you. It begins with your leadership. Ultimately, it begins with the Lord. Because without the Lord, without the revelation of Scripture, we really have no framework, no map, no guide. to help us love well, love our wives well. And of course, as has already been pressed, this love that we have for our wives, I'm talking to you men, really finds itself under the headship of the home, right? As heads of our household, which we've already explored in some depth, we love. As heads of our household, we exercise governance. We've talked about that. We exercise dominance, finding that something, something somehow is always going to dominate our marriages. We not only govern, but we are also the representative, right? We speak for our family. We represent them. We represent who God is to them as well. And so we are also responsible. God holds us responsible. Even if something happens in your marriage that isn't your fault specifically, you as head of your household are still held responsible. Talk about that very important truth. that even though Eve was deceived and ate the fruit, Adam, who was with her, was responsible, is held responsible. So as the man, you are held responsible for your wife, for the well-being of your wife and your family. And then, of course, you are the leader. You are the leader of your home. And of course, the motivation at the heart of each of these expressions of headship is love. You govern with love. You manage your home with love. You want love to dominate your house. At least we would hope so. You represent your family with love. Your responsibility to them is also managed with a heart of love. Remember we talked about how Christ took responsibility for his people by taking their sins upon himself and suffering the justice of God. That was an act of love. We know that from the book of 1 John where it says, in this is love, not that we love God but that he first loved us. and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." So love, the supreme act of love, as we picture in our mind, is an act accomplished by the Lord Jesus Christ that appeased the wrath of God against us. God's love for us was such that He provided a way so that God would no longer hold it against us, as it were, no longer hold our sin against us. So we see in that God's love for us, in which Christ took responsibility for our sin. And so, of course, fourthly, we lead with love. We are not to be brutish taskmasters, tyrants in our own home. No, there is a heart of love that really provides the motivation for how we lead. And of course, as we get into this, we have three primary texts concerning husbands loving their wives. And so we'll introduce them today. And I have a lot of notes. I'm really not sure how far we're going to get today, but we won't sweat it at all because we want to take our time. Like I said, if you men, if you are the leaders of your household, if you want to faithfully exercise spiritual headship in your home, then it does follow. But there is a lot to say to you. I want us to excel at this. I want us to be godly husbands. And so that means taking our time and even answering follow-up questions. So let's at least write down the texts that are before us. And we'll be kind of going back and forth between some of these. They are all in the New Testament. The first one comes from the book of Colossians. The book of Colossians chapter 3. Let's start at verse 18. We'll read verse 18 and verse 19. This is the first text. Wives be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. So there's the command to the wives. 19, husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them. That's really all it says. That's the command. Very simple, but it is related to a couple of other texts. The other one comes from the book of first Peter. The book of first Peter. Chapter 3 as well. And this is verse 7. You husbands in the same way live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker since she is a woman and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered. So that's the other main text. And I think the central text to all of this and the one will probably spend the most time in today at least comes from the book of Ephesians and that's Ephesians chapter 5. was part of our Scripture reading today. And let's start at verse 25. Actually, let's start at verse 22. Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Okay, we would say, oh yeah, right. That's right, that's right. Wife, be subject to me in everything. But, as providence would have it in the writing of scripture, there is a prevailing overarching passage that runs parallel to this. Look at verse 25. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So, verse 28, husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ also does the church. Because we are members of his body, For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ in the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. There's a lot going on in there, and today what I want to at least provide in going sort of back and forth between these three passages and perhaps some others is kind of to get a theological groundwork, a theological footing. of what it means or what it looks like for a husband to love his wife, because there is a lot of data we have to draw from scripture, and we want to put it together, because it's very hard to simply define love. And we do it nearly every time it comes up in a text. But I think just as important is understanding what love actually looks like. Love never fails to express something. Love never fails, most importantly, to express something about God. When we see love on display, we begin to understand something about God. Something about the way in which God sees us as His children. The way God sees us as the bride of Christ. And so as men, we find that we have a pretty tall order here. To love our wives as Christ has loved the church, and once again we face an impossible task. I mean, this husband thing is very complicated. It is very difficult. And yet, Similar to our instructions last Lord's Day, we can take heart. We can take courage because we have the Holy Spirit and the Holy Spirit can empower us to this most important work of loving our wives so that our households are dominated, are saturated with Christ like love. So those are our primary texts. Those are our primary texts today. So. I think one thing that needs to be said, I got this in my notes or don't want to miss this. As I said, the onus, men, is primarily upon us. It is easy, it is easy to abuse the strength that we have in our own households and demand to our kids that they obey us. To demand to our wives that they submit, submit, because God says so. It's easy for us to do that. It's easy for a man to not be able to bridle his anger or his tongue and to lash out against his wife and make certain demands, even based upon Scripture, and yet fail to ask himself, am I loving my wife in such a way that I am worthy of submission, that I am worthy of respect? So take that with you today. If you are going to demand that your wife respect and submit to you, then make sure you love her in a manner that is worthy of that respect. Live in a manner that is worthy of your wife's submission. So if you do not love well, your wife is not going to respect you, nor should she. It's hard to submit to a man that a woman does not respect. So men, let us excel at this most important work of love. See, respect and submission isn't something that should have to be demanded. It is something that flows out supernaturally from loving your wife well. If you want your wife to be submissive, then demonstrate it through loving her, loving her consistently, loving her deeply, loving her in a Christ-like manner. Love your wives. So let's look at this, so let's look at this text more carefully. So now that we have them all in mind, and we've read through them, and I think we're probably gonna circle back at some point and kind of cut through these passages in greater depth, but for now, today, I kinda wanna bring it all together and just say, okay, what can we draw from these texts? What are things that we can conclude about the love of a husband? and how does it play a role in marriage? So here's some very practical instructions. Let's get right to it. Here's the first thing, is that the loving husband provides. The loving husband is a providing husband. I think that's the first thing. And you say, okay, well, where do we actually find that? Because I think we find more than one application of provision in this text. But let's look at Ephesians 5 very carefully here. Let's look at verse 25. Paul writes this, husbands love your wife just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her. So that's the first sort of detail of this very tall order. Don't merely love your wives. Set the bar high. Love your wives, men, as Christ loves the church. Let me say, I don't want to miss this either, so before we get into the text, let me say this. That this order to love one's wife as Christ loved the church is a revolutionary concept in the first century Roman Empire. We talked about the paterfamilia, right? That the father is the head of the household that really has the power of life and death over his wife, his kids, and his slaves. So this command for the husband to love your wife, love her sacrificially, put her before you put yourself, like put her first, like that is a novel concept. The average Roman man was not required to love his wife like this. To love her in a sacrificial, giving way. And yet, that's the first detail we find. Christ is our standard. Christ is our standard. And what do we see in related to provision? Look at this. He says, Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Now we understand provision in a variety of ways, but the first thing we need to understand about love and provision is the fact that Jesus, in loving his bride, the church, provided himself. Jesus provided himself in the sense that he laid his life down for his bride, for his church. He loved his wife, his bride, in a sacrificial manner. He gave himself up for her. And of course, this is what we would call sacrificial language. Most of us understand the patterns of the Old Testament sacrificial system. That in order for Israel to dwell in communion with God, they had to, on occasion, sacrifice animals. A variety of animals. Blood had to be spilt in order for them to come near God to dwell with Him. And so we see that love once for all expressed from the Lord Jesus Christ on behalf of His bride. He provides Himself as a sin offering, as a guilt offering, so that we may come and dwell with God. And of course there's more implications on that, but the fact is, is that We can never accuse God, nor can we accuse the Lord Jesus Christ of somehow failing to provide for us. He provides, first and foremost, the thing we need most of all. That is a reconciliation with God, a return to fellowship with God, forgiveness of sins. Eternal life. To be a holy people. And so Christ gives himself up. For his people. And so should the husband be willing to sacrifice himself for his wife. To sacrifice himself so that his wife may live. To provide himself as the first in line. To give himself up if necessary so that his wife may live. And I think there's other implications of this as well. We talk about the spiritual well-being of the husband and wife. The man is to be attentive, to often put his own interests aside so that he can seek the spiritual well-being of his wife. And we find that even in this text, there is a great purpose for this, that he might sanctify her. Why did Christ give himself up for his bride? So that he would sanctify her. Of course, we'll find more on that later. But first and foremost, this is a love of provision Christ provides. And there's another sense in which this definitely relates to the man, and we don't want to miss this, is I think we live in an age where men struggle with laziness. It's not just diligence and caring for our wives spiritually, it's diligence and caring for our wives economically. I think we live in an age where we make a lot of excuses, especially by we, I mean men. There's always something, it seems, that can keep us from applying ourselves diligently and working hard so that we can provide for ourselves and those who are placed under our care. I mean, when you talk about that, that's really where we start to learn science. Laziness relates well to Newton's first law of motion. Now think, put your thinking caps on. What's Newton's first law of motion? An object in motion tends to what? Stay, yes! Stay in motion. An object at rest tends to what? Stay at rest. We talk about inertia, right? The inherent laziness of an object. It's going one direction, it's going to keep going in that direction. If a man is lazy and just wants to stay in bed and not work, he's going to tend to stay in bed and continue not working. I think it's high time we We repent from this sin of laziness and become motivated. Even Proverbs 6 says, go to the aunt you sluggard, consider her ways and be wise. There's always a temptation, but even look at it in nature. The created order testifies that even small, seemingly insignificant animals, insects, apply themselves and work hard and store up for the winter. Listen to this one. This is my favorite one. The sluggard says, there is a lion in the road, a fierce lion roaming the streets. Oh man, I'd get up and work, but you don't understand. You don't understand. There's a lion out there. I'm going to be killed if I leave my house. So I might as well stay home, surf the internet, play video games, You know, maybe make a five-year plan, but no, I can't go work. It's dangerous out there, right? I don't want to be harmed. If I'm killed, what can't I do? I can't work, ironically. The sluggard's craving will be the death of him because his hands refuse to work. So men, that is something so, so key. And we look at Christ as our supreme example. We look at God as the supreme example of what it means to provide. That He has done everything to bless us in His grace and in His merciful provision. that He will not withhold from us any good thing, anything that we need, and that He is given generously. We find even instructions in Scripture, in Ephesians in particular, we don't just work. We don't just work diligently with our hands simply to provide for ourselves. We also go above and beyond so that we can give generously to the one who asks. Now, you think about how that relates to the church, especially with the men in the church. We want to be known as a generous church, small though we are. We want to be known for our diligence, our hard work, applying our masculine strength to whatever job is at hand, so that we can do the work and do it well and do it unto completion. And we do that work so that we can share with others, so that we can give out of our abundance to be generous. It's a really tragic thing in our own day and age that That a godless government has subsumed that, that has taken that responsibility on itself. So that in the most perverse way possible, we view the government as divine, as God, as the giver of every good thing. When it should be, when that generosity should be found in the church, God's people. who work hard in light of the fact that they know that the king owns everything and that the king is generous, that the king is rich in goodness and gives his people everything they need. So a way that we love, especially our wives, is by working hard, working diligently to provide for them. We could go on and on about that division in marriage today. The career woman, you know, we talked about. The boardroom boss babe. The fact that so much of our culture, especially with women, is colored by this ambition of success, of financial success, independence. The I don't need no man concept. When the fact is, is that God created us, male and female, in his image so that we do have a particular need for one another. And what the wife needs her husband to do is to provide and work hard. And, you know, as much as, you know, there may be men out there that as passionate as you are about connecting your community to the arts, if you're doing that at the expense of providing for your family, you are derelict and you're being lazy. You know, we're warned about that by Paul. The one who does not provide for his own has denied the faith, right? This is above and beyond simply being lazy, simply being ignorant. He says, you are a denier of the faith and you're worse than an unbeliever. As if to say, even the pagan has a sense of duty. Even the pagan can go and apply himself and work hard. What's wrong with the person who claims Christ that they have to stay in bed and turn in their bed as a door turns on its hinges? Just a creaky sound. of staying asleep, of pressing the snooze button again and again, because they're tired, because they're nervous, because they're anxious, because there's a lion in the street. And all I can say is repent from that mindset. Men, we are called to work. We are built for work. We have been given greater bone density, greater bone structure, greater muscle mass. We have been created in God's image to work. As God worked, He created us to do the work as well and to provide for our families. That's the first thing. And we look no further than Jesus Christ as our ultimate example of provision, laying down His own life. But I think this laying down of his own life also extends to a very important thing about a man's role in marriage, and that is he protects. Think about Christ's sacrifice. What does it do? It protects us from the wrath of God. It atones for sin. But it also protects us from temptation. In terms of his protection. He gives us his Holy Spirit. He gives us his Holy Spirit to protect us from temptation. to guard us from remaining in immaturity, to keep us until the day of salvation. He gives us his Holy Spirit to protect us even from deception and doctrinal error. In Hebrews 2.18, we read, for since he himself was tempted and that which he has suffered, he is able to come to the aid of those who are tempted. We also read in John chapter 10, right? No one will be able to snatch my sheep out of my hand or my father's hand. such as the protection of Christ, a perfect enduring watchfulness over his people, that what Christ has given us in terms of his salvation, he has given us to the uttermost. We are not lacking in protection. Our good shepherd has all resources at his disposal to keep our faith from failing, to keep us from succumbing to temptation. And we read back once again, in Adam, where Adam failed. He failed to protect his wife. He failed to watch her. It seems like he was standing right there, but he was not exercising careful, protective watchfulness over her. And so, men, we don't want to fail like Adam did, to fail to protect our wives, to fail to watch over them, both spiritually and physically. And just as Christ guards and protects us so we lay our lives down to guard and protect our wives. We are called to stand between our wives and danger, danger of whatever kind. I referenced Toby Sumter's No Mere Mortals last week and I was listening to his lesson a couple days ago and he used the metaphor of bullets and he says, what other bullets are flying at your woman? What are those bullets? And he talks about them. There's bullets of disobedience. There's bullets of financial hardships. There's bullets even of toxic relationships. And if we are truly responsible for our well-being and safety, we love our wives by protecting her from those things. And that involves saying some hard things. There will be times, men, where you are going to have to tell your wife, this person is spiritually toxic. And if you spend time with them, they will lead you astray. And I understand there is a tenderness in the heart of a woman to minister to those who are immature. And that is a good thing. And that is a praiseworthy thing that we should encourage our wives to do. However, there are also times, and men endure this affliction as well, where we are in certain relationships that tear us down spiritually. There are certain relationships that lead us into sin. And when that comes to protecting our wives, we have to guard them from those relationships. We have to watch over them, he says here, financially as well. We have to protect her from disobedience, right? That's what we talked about last week, governance, right? Are we governing our marriages with knowledge? Do we know the hardships our wives are facing? Do we know the sins they struggle with? Do we know where they are failing spiritually? And are we setting boundaries to protect them from those things? And that requires a lot of diligence. And of course, as is alluded in Ephesians 5 here, our love for our wives, this love of the protective kind, should be such that our wives can attain maturity. That through this washing of water with the word, we can present our wives in all of their glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such things, but that she would be holy and blameless. Men, we are responsible for that. We are responsible to protect them so that they may attain that kind of spiritual maturity. But as Sumter goes on to say, in order to love her to maturity, we have to know where the fires are. And as Adam was created first, this means that Adam is responsible to protect her. And if you are the head of your house, you are responsible to protect your wife. And here's another thing. Here's another thing that I think perhaps culturally is lost on us a little bit. Not only are we our wives' protectors spiritually, but we are our wives' protectors physically. We protect them against danger. We protect them against wicked men. We are our bride's defender. If we are truly the Lord of our castle, we need to be equipped to protect our castle. And this is something that is often lost on us. Is this very important truth? Is that the loving man is a dangerous man? We typically think of dangerous men in the category of godless men, when in fact, righteous men should be dangerous men. We should hone and develop our strengths so that we are able to protect. After all, gun control does mean using both hands. So have knowledge, right? As technology increases, of course, we have more tools, more and more tools at our disposal that enable us to protect our wives. We often forget that. So if someone breaks into your house, you make sure that you have those defenses set in place so that you can love your own by protecting them. Once again, shielding them from danger. I think sometimes we glorify this effeminate 90-pound wuss who has no strength, who can't defend anything, much less himself. And so this is a reminder, men, that we are not called to be weaklings either spiritually or physically. We are called to be strong. We are called to be equipped and we are called to be able to defend. And so just as a quick point of application, if you are inept in that, then get training. Yes, learn how to throw a punch. Learn how to fire a weapon. Learn some serious bo staff skills so you can protect the ones you love. I was just making sure you're paying attention. And do not take this call of duty to protect your own lightly. This is a serious call. It's an honorable call. A loving man, a godly man, is a dangerous man. I was reading through the tale of the kings, 1 and 2 Chronicles, 1 and 2 Kings, and man, there were some dangerous men. You think about men who slew giants. And it's amazing how the way that Israel was to breed these warriors and they would go to battle and they would be fearless. I think the main reason that we can be fearless is the same reason they could be. It's not just training, but it's because we know the Lord is with us. But with that knowledge comes action, calls attention to be equipped to protect the ones we love from danger. So there is no shame in being a dangerous man. As long as that danger, that dangerous quality opposed to those who do evil, is hostile toward those who hurt and afflict others. Thirdly, see how many we can get through. Thirdly, and we highlighted this one the previous Sunday in its own way, but it is When we talk about the love of a husband, it is also a pastoral love. We've talked about spiritual leadership in the home, and this is definitely linked to protective love. A man with a pastoral heart wants to protect his wife. But how does he do that? He does that, as we said, not just by spouting out Bible verses, but by discipling his wife so that she can internalize the Word of God. And this pastoral love emphasizes the spiritual leadership of the man. Now, if we look once again at Ephesians, we find this. Returning to Ephesians chapter 5. In verse 26, he says, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. So this speaks to a consecrating activity that is being applied to us. So if you look at verse If you look at verse 26, it says, so that he might sanctify us. So why did Christ give himself up for his bride? Well, that he might sanctify her. And once again, this sanctification doesn't just merely refer to spiritual growth or even being set apart or being different, but it refers to this consecrating activity, this preparation. That the Lord in His work by virtue of His death is preparing His bride for service. For service. to him. And it says this, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word. So it is this cleansing that prepares her, that consecrates her, if you will, in order to devote herself to the work of God. And of course, what do we call it? What is the work of God primarily described as today? It is advancing the kingdom of the Lord Jesus Christ. And men, it is your responsibility to wash your wife with the water of the word so that you may sanctify her, so that you may prepare her for service. That word sanctify, right, speaks of devoting oneself to a particular work, a preparation for a particular work, a readiness. And none of us can be ready if we do not have the Word, if we have no knowledge of Scripture, if we have not committed ourselves to its memory, to its authority, to its application. And anything else that comes with that, then we do not stand ready. And so we return to this issue of, you know, what we call the biblically illiterate man, the man who does not know his Bible. How can a man bring the desired effect of the washing of water with the Word if he does not know how to handle the Word? You'll find yourselves in a very difficult position if you do not know your Bible, if you do not know how to instruct. And so once again, men, this is a call to not be biblically illiterate. It's to be diligent in the Word. It's to be studious. It's to memorize the Word. It's to explain the Word, to recite the Word, to sing the Word, to rejoice in the Word, and ultimately to be transformed by the Word. And there is a cleansing, sanctifying effect that this happens. And so as Christ was faithful and diligent to cleanse us from sin and free us from its grip, in the same way, we apply the truth of the Word so that our wives are washed and prepared and ready for service in the kingdom. That is what it means to pastor your wife and to lead her spiritually. And tragically, so many husbands have fallen off the map when it concerns this. There's always something we would rather be doing. than reading the Scripture and studying it, so that we are equipped for every good work. That's what Paul tells Timothy. Study to show yourself approved unto God that a workman needs not be ashamed. Rightly dividing, right? Cutting it straight. Rightly dividing the word of truth. Don't only read your Bible, study it. Know it, be able to handle it accurately and to pass it on, not only to other men, but first and foremost to your wife. We keep saying this begins in the household. Shepherd your wife, pastor your wife, lead her in the word. It's interesting, one of the most offensive verses in all of scripture comes from First Corinthians 1435. Write this one down. Paul's talking about church order and referring to women or wives, he said, if they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home, for it is improper for a woman to speak in church. Should I read that again? If they desire to learn anything, let them ask their own husbands at home, for it is improper for a woman to speak in church, speaking primarily of the assembling of the saints. But note Paul's intent here. See men, Paul is setting you up for success here in pastoring your wife. This is not some dark ages attempt to keep women in the dark, to keep them ignorant, to keep them uneducated, otherwise they may start thinking, right? Not at all. This is to give men the opportunity and privilege to effectively shepherd their wives just as they were designed to. So notice what Paul does not say. He does not say if a woman desires to learn anything, let them go home, think about it, and then call their pastor. No. Ask your husbands at home. So you hear that, women? If you have a question, don't call me. Especially not on a Sunday. Ask your husband. And here's the thing, husbands. Be studious, be diligent, know the word well, so that when your wife asks you, what does this mean? Jonathan was spouting off something. What does that mean? He didn't really explain it too well. Can you explain this to me? And you're gonna say, yes, let's open the word together. And so the washing begins. So the discipleship begins. And so the bond of your marriage strengthens as you minister the word to your wife. And if you utter the three dreaded words, I don't know, you follow them quickly with, but I'm gonna find out. Doesn't mean you have to know everything, men. but your wife should have the confidence in your knowledge of Scripture and your love for the Lord, confidence in your love for her, to be able to ask you, what does this mean? And that you are able to shepherd her effectively and to apply this cleansing power of the word of God. That's what it means to pastor your wife. But it begins with the Word, guys. It always begins with God's Word. And I would say attached to this another way, and we don't have to be exhaustive about this, but in terms of reminding us of what we studied last Lord's Day, it's not just preaching to them. It's also praying for them. Is the love for your wife such that you intercede for her? That you lift her up in prayer regularly, hopefully as a daily habit, right? You not only preach the Word to her, but you also ask the Lord, you intercede on your wife's behalf that the Word would implant itself in her heart and do its work. Pray for your wife that she would be protected from temptation. Pray for your wife that she would not grow a root of bitterness against others. Pray for your wife that she would continue to seek relationships with other godly women. Pray for your wife to have opportunities to disciple other women who are not mature in the faith. There's a variety of things we can pray for our wives. But that is something where you need to take the lead. Pastor your wife, shepherd your wife. Love your wife. Fourthly, looks like this is all we're going to get to today, and that's fine. And this is really the desired effect of pastoring your wife. Once again, we turn to Ephesians 5. that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word. And in verse 27, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So Christ's purpose for his bride, the church men should be your purpose for your wife. These are not simply unrelated statements as to what Christ has done for his church. These are commands. These are responsibilities for you to undertake. And this is a great undertaking. And there is a purpose attached to it. This is the desired result. that having cleansed her, having sanctified her, but now there is a presentation in view. There is a purpose in view, that she would be holy and blameless. Now in 1 Peter, we have a similar description, this holy and blameless and without spot and wrinkle. It says that, Peter's reminding his people, now you know that you were not redeemed with perishable things, Like gold or silver, but with what? With the precious blood. The precious blood of Christ. A lamb without spot and without blemish. So your wives are to resemble Christ. That's the point. Jesus as a husband who gave up his life for his bride did so that the church would come to resemble him. Christ, our Lamb without blemish and without spot. And so what this means, of course, man, I believe the application is pretty clear, is that you are called to love your wife in such a way so that she is like Christ. But even in a more immediate application, you should love your wife in such a way so that she wants to be like you. Think about that. Think about the example you set. This verse that we just read indicates that since the church, the bride, resembles Christ, people will know who the bride's husband is. Christ loves us in such a way that it transforms us so that we conduct ourselves in such a way that people know who our husband is. People should be able to look at us and say, yeah, they're married to Jesus. That makes perfect sense because of their conduct. Because of their holy and blameless way. Their holy and blameless appearance. They see the finished product. They see the sanctification. They see the work of the word. The transformation is obvious. Therefore, there's the bride. Well, the husband must be Christ. So in the same way, And this is probably the most challenging thing we take from this text this morning, then. The question is, and the challenge is, when people look at your wife, do they say, oh yeah, she's married to so-and-so. But then the follow-up question is, what is characterizing your wife? Are you tyrannical? Are you bitter? Are you unteachable? Are you proud? If you act that way in your household, if you set that example to your wife, if that's what you're washing her with, guess what? Your wife is gonna be tyrannical and bitter and overbearing and ungracious. She's gonna be like you. So men, are you conducting yourselves in such a way where you can say in good conscience, I want my wife to be like me. And furthermore, does your wife respect you? Does she see you as an example to the point where she says, yeah, my husband is someone I want to be like, my husband is someone I want to emulate because I see the sanctified man he is, I see the gracious man that he is, that he is a man of A man who loves the truth. He is a man of conviction. He is a teachable man. He is a humble man. That is a man I can follow. We're not faced with that question often, but I want to confront us with that today. Do our wives want to be like us? Do our wives want to follow our example? Because they will one way or another. But after some honest reflection, do our wives look at us and see, there is a righteous man. There is a man who is like Jesus. There is a man that I can follow. And you know, wives, only you can answer that. And husbands, that's a challenge for us to walk humbly according to that standard. That our loving and self-giving to her will have a purifying and sanctifying effect. Just as Jesus, that perfect Bridegroom gave Himself up for His bride to give life to her, so that His bride would come to resemble Him. So, we love our wives the same way, giving ourselves up, laying our lives down for them, so that they would come to resemble us. And resemble us because we resemble Christ. So those are the first four. and we'll go over the remainders next Lord's Day. But husbands, love your wives. Let's pray. Father, thank you again for your care for us. We thank you for your love for us and that we can explore some of these important passages and really try to lay a lay a wonderful foundation for how we love our wives. And we only got part of the picture today, and there's so much to say. Sometimes it's frustrating to only be able to get a small portion of this, but Lord, we know you are sovereign and you will work in our lives according to your truth, that you will transform us. And Lord, specifically for the men in this room, I pray that we would be godly lovers of our wives, that we would care for them, that we would provide for them, protect them, pastor them. And as we continue this refining work, that we would see them purified, Lord, purified and mature according to Your truth, according to Your power. that perfecting work would continue, and that love would be a dominating force in our marriage. And Lord, many of us in here need to repent. We need to repent for what really amounts to criminal negligence regarding how we love our wives, that we often fail to set a good example. We often love not with a Christ-like love, but with a love of the world. a love that is not based in truth, a love that is often intermittent, where we allow ourselves to be distracted by other less important things. And so I do pray, Lord, for your mercy in this matter, that you would grant us repentance, you would humble us, God, that you would even help our wives to speak into our own hearts, to give us counsel, to give us an honest assessment of how well we love and where we fall short. Lord, this is a high calling, and we don't want to fail. We want to do well, we want to excel, and we can look at the beauty and excellence of how you love us, your bride, your church, And as Your Spirit empowers us to love in like manner, such an indispensable component of headship and leading our families well, oh Lord, help us to dwell on that today. And continue to mature us, continue to help us to be like You as we grow. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen.