So one of the things that I did, this has been probably 12 or 13 years ago, as I was introduced to and really challenged in this whole idea of getting precise in understanding and being able to communicate biblical terminology in a practical way. You probably can't see this, but I took all those passages I gave you last week and made really a three-column list with the Strong's number, the KJV word, and a definition. And on some of those, I went ahead and filled out the The clear and concise meaning on some of those, I didn't. The reason I tell you that is, if you're interested in doing more of what we're going to do this afternoon, I would be happy to email you that. If you don't like email and you just want to print out, if you ask me, I can print that out for you. It's probably three or four pages, and it's just columns of words. We're just going to be looking at the terminology in Ephesians 4, 31 and 32 and thinking about how to use it in a practical way. But if you want to compile your own list and you're wanting to do some studies like this on your own, there's a couple of very basic and good word study tools you can use. The first one is Strong's Concordance. It's the one most everybody knows about. It's a basic tool. It's one that you can find just about anywhere, and it's very easy to learn how to use. Another one, and this one was really more helpful for what we're doing this afternoon, is Vines Expository Dictionary. It's been around for a long, long time. Very basic word study tool. You don't even need numbers for this one. You can just look for the English word. And so bitterness is one of the words we're going to be looking at this afternoon. And so as you get to the words for bitterness, There's three different definitions, but the way that the dictionary has laid it out, it uses the adjective, the verb, the noun, the adverb. And if you're not great at grammar, all you've got to do is find the text you're looking for. So, I'm looking for Ephesians 4.31, so I know I've got the right Greek word right here. So just for what it's worth, if you like what we're doing this afternoon, if you want to grow in that, if you had a Strong's and a Vine's, you could get pretty far. Vine's particularly is helpful as far as basic tools. Let me just read Ephesians 4, 31 and 32. Again, we're thinking about understanding and using precise biblical terminology as it relates to discerning and solving problems biblically. Ephesians 4.31, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you. Now, as we pointed out last week, there are six different words in Ephesians 4.31 that we're supposed to be putting off or doing away with, repenting of. Paul says we need to put away bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and evil speaking along with all malice. And the question was, if you had to. could you give a clear and concise definition for those six words? And if you can't, then you're never going to be able to use those things practically. You're never going to be able to receive the help from Scripture that Scripture has for you here, because you're never going to have a clear understanding. And then you're also not going to be able to help someone else think through practically how they can repent and overcome various expressions of anger, and what it would look like to do that in a way that's consistent with Ephesians 4, 31 and 32. One of the things that we'll notice on the front end is that whatever those words mean in verse 31, the solution in verse 32 is, be kind one to another, tenderhearted, and forgiving. So we might see that and think, well, who cares about what those six words mean? Whatever they mean, the solution's the same. Kindness, tenderheartedness, and forgiveness. But did you know that practically speaking, what it looks like to be kind when you've been bitter and to be kind when you've been angry, those look very different. It's not the same. You could do the same thing with the rest of the six words. Practically speaking, those things look different. So it's very important for us to know what is it we're talking about so we know how we can honor the Lord with our response. Now, let me just give you an example of the importance of precision. And it's an example that we just got finished doing. I want you to think about how important precision is in the kind of singing that we just did as Brother Robert had us read the music. How good do you think it would sound if Brother Robert got up and said, alright, basses, throw some Do's and some Fa's in there and fill in the rest. Sopranos, if you feel like it, you can throw in a Ti and a Re and Altos and so forth and so on. None of that would work, would it? It would sound horrible. There would be absolutely no harmony. Music doesn't work that way. Precision is what makes music sound good. What we're doing, we don't always know it, and maybe we're not even thinking about it, but what we're doing whenever the basses and tenors and altos and sopranos are singing their parts at different times is we're building chords in music. That's what makes a harmony sound the way it sounds. And a chord, it has to be precise. If you get one note off, the chord's messed up. In order for that to work, there's no real wiggle room. Well, in the same way, if we're trying to think through how to use Scripture biblically and how to help someone or even ourselves solve problems biblically, we've got to understand things precisely. Another reason why, and I don't want to recap all of last week, but another reason why is you don't have problems in general. You have specific problems. We don't live in fuzzy land where things are just kind of imprecise. We live in very specifics. And as we're going to see today, as it relates to your struggle with anger, and we all struggle with anger to some degree, some expression, there's very precise struggles that we deal with. So we'll go through what these mean and then we'll try to think practically about it. So number one, Paul says, Let me get to where I'm going. Verse 31, let all bitterness. Let all bitterness. What is bitterness? Well, you could find a bunch of different definitions, but as I've looked through word studies and tried to just condense some things down, bitterness is a resentful spirit which refuses reconciliation. A resentful spirit which refuses reconciliation. Usually what happens with bitterness is that it's brought on by a hurt. So a lot of times people don't think they're bitter, they just think they're hurt. But what happens is they nurse that hurt to the extent that they end up cultivating a resentful spirit or a resentful attitude toward an individual which refuses to be reconciled. What would that look like? It looks like avoidance. Looks like avoidance. I see you coming and I go the other way. I don't want to be around you. It looks like silent treatment. Silent treatment. We're in the same room. I'm more silent than I typically would be. I mean, different people talk at different rates normally, but silent treatment, I'm just avoiding speaking to you. resentful toward you. And then it could also look like cynicism. That is, I'm interpreting everything you're doing in the worst possible line. It's just cynical. Well, those are just three expressions of bitterness. We could come up with a whole lot more. But it is, again, that resentful attitude that refuses reconciliation. A lot of times, bitterness, like a few of these other expressions of anger, a lot of times bitterness flies under the radar. You might not notice bitterness just by behavior, because usually what bitterness is doing is it's withholding. It's not really acting out. So that's bitterness. Second, it says, let all bitterness and wrath. Wrath. Now the word wrath means hot anger. It's an outburst of wrath from inward indignation. So we said this last time that wrath is really a blow up. So you've had all that you can take. and you just explode in anger. That could look like yelling, cursing, hitting, throwing, and we could keep going. I mean, there's just all kinds of things that wrath could be. Anger. Anger. Let all bitterness, wrath, and anger be put away. The word for anger just simply means a settled, long-lasting anger, frequently with a view to take revenge." This word anger and bitterness are fairly similar. Anger is a settled, long-lasting anger. You know how that goes. Somebody says, hey, are you okay? And you say, yeah, I'm fine. Why? Because you're acting weird. No, I'm not acting weird. You're acting weird. I'm fine. I'm okay. Well, you don't seem okay. Settled. It's settled in. I'm not worried about moving toward anything. Really what I'm doing is I'm plotting revenge. Now, not revenge like I'm trying to take you out necessarily, but revenge like, particularly in families, revenge like I'm going to purposefully not do things that I have been doing in the past. I know that you enjoy fill-in-the-blank. I'm going to purposefully make sure I don't do that. I know that you don't like fill-in-the-blank. I'm going to purposefully do that in order to get revenge, because you've done something that has hurt me, and I have this settled, long-lasting anger Now, one of the interesting things is when we're thinking about the difference between wrath and anger, usually whenever somebody explodes in wrath, is that a settled, long-lasting anger, or is that just a quick blow-up? That's a real question. You can answer. It's a quick blow-up. Usually people just explode, and then a few minutes later, they wonder why you're still upset. It's done with them. I mean, they got it all out. They've said everything they wanted to say. But it's not the same with anger. Anger, they hadn't said a word they wanted to say. They are silently plotting and taking revenge. and it's just low-lying, settled anger. That's things like giving you the cold shoulder, silently withdrawing, withholding good like we said, plotting small or large acts of revenge. Then we have the word clamor. Put away all bitterness, all wrath, explosive anger, all anger, settled, long-lasting, inward, and all clamor." Now, this word for clamor, it's really kind of humorous as far as the definition goes. The first one is to stun with noise. To stun with noise. This is going to be close to wrath. A loud outcry expressing complaint or demands. A loud outcry expressing complaint and demands. What does this look like? Well, it looks like yelling. It looks like screaming. It looks like wailing. It's just an expression of anger, but it's a very specific expression. At times people can say, you know, it's just my personality. I'm just a passionate person. I'm just an animated person. And Paul says, This has to do with your flesh, not your personality. Clamor is a sin, not a character trait that's neutral. So it's important for us, again, to understand these words so that we know what we're talking about as we're thinking about them. Evil speaking. We're supposed to be putting away evil speaking. It just means verbal abuse and slander. come out in all kinds of different ways. Insults, cursing, sarcasm, harsh speech. We can just keep going. You know what it's like to use your words to hurt someone. Evil speaking. So, clamor has more to do with how you're communicating unregulated emotions Evil speaking has more to do with the actual words you're using to hurt someone. So lack of self-control in the words that you're using. And then we're told to put away all malice. All malice. Malice is just ill will. A desire to injure others. So that could be plotting the injury of an individual that could be a constant desire to insult, to offend, to injure an individual. Have you ever been upset at somebody and nothing they did could suit you? I mean, you had something critical to say about everything. They could give you $100 and you would complain because it was wrinkled. That's malice. if it's due to anger, due to a past insult. That's just a desire to get back at somebody, ill will toward somebody. Constantly thinking how you might get back or retaliate. So we have, again, very different expressions here. Bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, evil speaking, malice. As you think about these, it's kind of helpful. I mean, I think it would be very helpful, just practically speaking, for you to be thinking about which of these tend to apply to you. Most people in here are not going to gravitate toward all six expressions. And if you can't clarify, your habitual expressions of anger, it's going to be impossible for you to think practically about, what does it look like for me to turn from those? What does it look like for me to repent of those? What would it look like for me to put those off, have my mind renewed, and then put on righteousness in its place? What does that look like? The truth is, whatever expression you think you tend to habitually have, and we could have any of them, whatever expression seems to fit more with you, by this point, it's become a habit for most of us. I mean, we just do it without even thinking. And when it comes to dealing with habits, biblically speaking, we don't break habits, we replace habits. And so if we don't know what it is we're trying to replace, we're not going to get anywhere. So Paul says, put these things away. And instead, verse 32, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you." Well, what does it mean to be kind? Well, the word kind is a very general word. It can be kind of hard to hone in, but to be kind, it just means to be pleasant, to be gracious, to show a sweet and generous disposition." Then my favorite definition is this, to be kind is just simply love and practical action. Think about that. Love and practical action. Somebody says, you know, I don't feel like being kind. Well, that's fine. You don't have to feel like it. Kindness is love and practical action. It has nothing to do with the way you feel. Kindness, in this verse anyway, this is a verb. This is something you do, not something you feel. And so, be kind. Tender-hearted. Kindness is what you do. Tender-heartedness is how you feel. What does it mean to be tender-hearted? It means to be compassionate. Be compassionate. And I want you to think about somebody that you've been mad at in the past. Somebody who's hurt you. Somebody who's insulted you. And I want you to think about what your disposition was toward them. Well, Paul says, whatever that disposition was, that we need to be moving toward becoming tenderhearted or compassionate toward our offenders. and we might think, impossible. I can't help how I feel. You ever felt that way? I can't help how I feel. Well, here's just a very basic question for us to think about. If you look at verse 32, if we were to just listen to the reading of it and think for a second, and be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you." Now, I'm just going to give some options and you tell me what you think. Does this verse sound like a suggestion, a question, or a command? What do you think? You sure? Paul didn't leave the question mark off. Yeah, it's a command. Would God command us to do something that we can't do? No. Once you've been given the Holy Spirit of God, you can walk in His ways. You can become more compassionate. You say, well, you know, I don't know. I have these emotional flare-ups it seems like. I don't know if I could change the way that I feel towards somebody. Again, it's helpful to recognize the reason that you feel the way you feel toward people is because you think about them the way that you think about them. Your feelings will follow your thoughts every single time. So if in your mind you've become bitter toward someone, that is, you have a resentful spirit which refuses reconciliation, and your thoughts toward that person is they are a self-absorbed moron, And that's what you're feeding your mind every time, and you're feeding your heart every time you think about that person, and you're wondering why you can't feel more compassionate? The secret's revealed. You can't preach to yourself that somebody is a self-centered moron and grow compassionate at the same time. You say, well, what am I supposed to say? How am I supposed to move beyond something like that? Well, Paul says, The way that you're going to be kind and tenderhearted is as you're forgiving one another, even as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven you. So we find in verses 31 and 32, there's some things we need to stop doing. There's some things we need to start doing. And there's a reason. There's a renewing of our mind that needs to take place. And that is, we need to be reminded when we've been offended that no matter what offense we have absorbed from someone else, it pales in comparison to all the ways we've offended God. All the ways that we have, humanly speaking, kindled His wrath all the ways that we deserved His punishment. And yet, because of what Christ did on our behalf, God forgave us. It had nothing to do with me. It had nothing to do with what God knew I would do afterwards. It had nothing to do with consistency on my part. It had nothing to do with contrition on my part. It had nothing to do with me at all. It was all based on what Christ did on my behalf. And so Paul turns around and says, you need to be motivated by the same reality. You're called to, what does it mean to forgive? Well, a few good definitions here. to bestow favor unconditionally, to release, letting the wrong done to us go without a claim for punishment or reparation. It's worth clarifying here, forgiveness and trust are not the same thing. You can forgive somebody and not trust them. But just because you don't trust someone doesn't mean that you're continuing to punish that person. It doesn't mean you're continuing to hold an offense against them. It doesn't mean that you're withholding doing good when you have the opportunity to give it. So let's think for just a minute about these words. So in light of precise understanding of this biblical terminology, A couple of things we just mentioned before we got into it. No matter what expression of anger we're dealing with, the solution is the same in general. Kindness, compassion, and forgiveness. But because we understand that those six expressions of anger described in Ephesians 4.31 are different than specific ways that we practically apply kindness, compassion and forgiveness are going to be different. That doesn't mean in general principle, it means specifically what we're going to do. So, let's think about this for just a second. With bitterness. We said bitterness is a resentful spirit that refuses to be reconciled. And it looks like this, avoidance and silent treatment and cynicism Another thing we could say about bitterness is that it just constantly meditates on the offense that was done. So here's a question. If the solution to bitterness is that we replace it beginning with kindness, then it would be helpful for us to think about what are some unkind expressions of bitterness? What are some unkind expressions of bitterness? When you're bitter or when somebody else is bitter, what are some ways that they express a lack of kindness or unkind behavior toward you or someone else? Think about that for just a second. If you have one, share it with me. I mean, it's helpful if we have some specifics. If not, we'll just use mine. What are some of the unkind fruit of bitterness? Sarcasm. What else? Yeah. Just being dismissive of other people, devaluing their opinions, even when they're good. What else? What are some other unkind expressions of bitterness? Yeah. Just completely ignoring the other person. Good. You can be jealous. Intentionally avoiding. If you're bitter towards somebody and they get brought up in conversation with your best friend, what do you think you're going to be doing with your words as it relates to that person? Yeah, you're going to be talking bad about them. Yeah, that's great. Blowing things out of proportion. I wish we had a white board where we could put these up, but I'll go through them. Let's just stop there so we can. Alright, so if my particular flavor of bitterness looks like sarcasm, and I'm trying to be kind, this one might be a little more challenging to have the right words, so some of you wordsmiths might have to help us out. What would be the opposite of sarcasm? Yeah, good. Being genuine. Just being genuine towards somebody. Repentance would look like doing away with sarcasm, remembering that what Christ did for me is the reason why I've been reconciled to God the Father through the forgiveness of sin. And so I'm putting off the sarcasm and I'm going to be genuine instead. So that would be something that we would put on. Genuine. What Brother Robert said, if my kind of bitterness looks like I'm devaluing your opinion and being dismissive of you, if I'm going to be kind instead, what is that? What's the opposite of being dismissive? Gracious, but specifically, instead of being dismissive, listening. Yeah, listening, considering, taking an interest in what somebody says. Have you ever been insulted or hurt by somebody that you knew was way smarter than you? Probably not in the moment you didn't think that, but yeah, we all have been. And then all of a sudden, again, they become the biggest moron we know, even though before that, we would have been ready to take whatever they said, because we knew they probably got a little more horsepower in their mind than I do. So we want to be attentive, we want to listen, instead of being dismissive. At least consider what they're saying. What about ignoring? If your bitterness has influenced you or your expression of bitterness is to ignore, the opposite of that would be? Yeah, just be attentive to somebody. Yeah, pay attention or pursue somebody even. But to be attentive. Pay attention to somebody. Maybe your bitterness makes you jealous. So, that no good, rotten, such and such. Why does he or she get to have blah, blah, blah? Why can't I have that? What's the opposite of being jealous? Yeah, contentment. Contentment. Intentionally avoiding somebody. What's the opposite? Say that again. Seeking them out. Pursuing or seeking them out. Talking bad about somebody. That's an easy one. You would be doing what? Talking good about them. You don't have to make up a bunch of lies and start flattering, but whatever's good, you talk about it. You don't speak ill of someone. You're not airing out all the bad things. And then the last thing we talked about, blowing things out of proportion. Now I know most of y'all have never done that before, but for the few who have, what would be the opposite of blowing something out of proportion? You could give somebody the benefit of the doubt. What else? You can look for the good. What else? Yeah, be reasonable. Be honest. Try to get a realistic idea of what really did happen here. When we get our feelings hurt, man, we get creative, don't we? We get creative. I mean, not only do we remember the words that were said, but we can remember the facial expressions and the inflections. And then, now that we think about it, we can remember that several times before then, there just was something that was not right. And I couldn't put my finger on it, but now that this happened, now I know what they were really thinking. And now that I think about that, it's been years, really. I'm not sure that person's even a Christian, to tell you the truth. blowing things way out of proportion, instead of being reasonable, trying to think accurately about what actually happened. And really, honestly, another thing that can help us when it comes to blowing things out of proportion is trying to figure out, did I contribute to the problem that led to me being hurt or insulted? So sometimes people can be very, very sharp-tongued and they're just in a habit of it. Or maybe they interrupt all the time and they're just unaware of it. And then when somebody comes back and confronts that and addresses that, even in a sinful way, it just gets blown out of proportion. So sometimes just gaining an idea, what did I do? that genuinely contributed to what just happened. Okay, so we have one word, bitterness. One word. And out of that, we have 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 possible expressions of bitterness that need to be put off. and seven possible fruits of righteousness, or we could say opposites, that we need to be putting on. And we got all of that because we understood one word. You see how it's helpful to understand the precision? Now, just to drive that home a little more, I'm going to pick one more word that's further opposite of bitterness, and that would be wrath, the second one. So, hot anger, outbursts of wrath from inward indignation. Yelling, cursing, hitting, throwing, those kinds of things. Let's think for just a second. What are some expressions of wrath? If wrath is something that you've struggled with or even you've seen, we've all seen it. What are some expressions or some sinful things that go along with just explosive anger? Even leading up to the yelling and the explosion, what are some things? Yeah, rash judgments, rash judgments, not listening, jumping to a quick conclusion without hearing everything that's going on. Yeah, usually after, I say usually, many times when somebody blows up and they've known they've blown it and maybe they're embarrassed about it or something like that and there's some avoidance afterwards. If it's not from them, it's from the other party. And either way, there's something for the guy or gal who just blew up to do. Let's do a few more. What else? Wrath. Yeah, violent behavior. I mean, people who murder people, murder people because of wrath. I mean, that's the kind of anger that leads to that sort of thing. It's not the only kind, but it's one of the kinds. It's just people who say, I was out of my mind. Well, they blew up. They let their anger just completely go unregulated. So yeah, violent actions. All right, one more. Yeah. So you develop a sense of disgust towards somebody that can almost even dehumanize the person in your mind that can lead to more escalated actions. Okay, so let's stop with that. So we have wrath. First expression of wrath is yelling. Well, if you're trying to be kind towards someone and you're trying to repent of this wrath that manifests itself in yelling, what are you going to do? What's the opposite? What's the opposite of yelling? Just a calm addressing of a situation. Sometimes people who struggle with wrath, whenever they're trying to figure out what they need to be doing, they miss the fact that addressing a problem is not a sin. That's what you're supposed to be doing. It's how you address a problem that is what matters. And so, being calm. Speaking, I mean, to me, as far as just giving an explanation, the best way to think about this is you want to address the problem in a way that the person that you're speaking to can receive what you're about to say. So being calm. What about rash judgments, quick judgments? Saying things before you know the whole story. James has something to say about this. We should be quick to what? Listen and slow to speak. Okay, rash judgments is whenever we see, you know, a quarter of the story and think we know the whole thing. And we need to be patient, quick to hear. All right, avoidance. Let's say that the individual who blew up is now embarrassed and so they're avoiding the person that they blew up on. What do they need to do? Yeah, they need to seek that person out, pursue that person, apologize, seek forgiveness. What if the person who blew up feels better now that he finally or she finally got that off of her chest, but the other person is avoiding? What does the wrathful person need to do? The same thing. Yeah, same thing. Same thing. Either way, it doesn't matter who's doing the avoiding. The person who expressed wrath needs to go be reconciled. All right, violent actions. What's the opposite of violent actions? Yeah, self-control. Self-control. You've got to learn self-control. So we might think when people get upset, you've heard of folks who've punched a hole in the wall, or they've thrown a dish across the room, you know, in more extreme cases, they've actually put their hands on somebody and hurt them in some sort of a physical way. So the way that you repent of that is through self-control, self-restraint, self-control. And then letting an insult turn into just disgust. This could be a way of bitterness creeping in. It could even be a way of things being blown out of proportion. But just based even on the text in verse 32, what would be the remedy for disgust? Realize in what about yourself? Realizing that no matter what this person has done, it pales in comparison to what you've done toward God. How in the world could we be disgusted at another sinner long term if we had an accurate view of what it took for God to get to the place that He could forgive us because of all the disgusting sins that I've committed were put on Christ and He bore those for me? You know what we do whenever we harbor disgust toward other people, we minimize what Christ did for us. You know what we do when we harbor anger toward other people and we refuse forgiveness and reconciliation, it doesn't matter what the expression is, we minimize what Christ did for us. Yeah, Christ died for me, but my goodness, I was not as bad as that. you can see again, just based off of two words, and we're not gonna keep going, but based off of two words, if you can get a precise understanding of what this word means, And then you've got to use your noggin a little bit and kind of flesh out. Most of the time if you're trying to help somebody, you're going to be asking, what does it look like when you get angry? And when they start telling you, then you can discern the problem biblically because you know what malice is. You know what clamor is. You know what evil speaking is. And you're able to categorize that and then help them specifically figure out What does it mean to repent? You know, it's one thing for you to say, oh, you get angry. You just need to repent. It's another thing for you to say, oh, you mean when you get angry, you turn towards sarcasm. Well, you need to repent of your sarcasm and start being genuine in your relationships toward people. You need to repent of talking bad about this individual and start speaking truth and speaking good about this person. You need to repent of blowing things out of proportion and you need to see things as they really are. Those are specific. You know what you're actually doing. You could measure those. Somebody could tell if you did them or if you didn't do them. If I just tell you, you're angry, repent, I can't tell if you did or not. I don't even know what I'm measuring whenever I say that. So we never change in fuzzy principles. We change in specifics. And that's why it's so important for us, not only in our own growth, but as we seek to help other people, it's important for us to be precise as it relates to our understanding and then our use of biblical terminology. Anybody have any questions about that?