Well, we are going to be looking at another key element tonight in biblical counseling and discipleship. We're looking at building loving relationships and involvement, building a loving relationship and involvement. Now, we've talked about what these mean as far as what does it mean to be a key element, and that is, these are the nuts and bolts of how do you help someone? How do you take God's word and help someone, whether that be in a sort of a counseling setting, formal or informal, or in a discipleship setting? This third key element is to build a loving relationship and to build involvement. So what that means is if you don't have these two things going on with another person, it's going to be very, very difficult for you to help them. It's going to be very difficult for you to have any sort of a lasting influence. So when I say that it's the third key element, I think it's helpful to make this distinction. The fact that I'm numbering these does not mean that this is a progression and that this is the third thing you do. So it's not that you gather data and then secondly, discern problems biblically, although you do need the data before you do the discerning. And then after that, number three is try to build a loving relationship. It's not that way. You're doing all this stuff really together. Part of building a loving relationship with someone is taking the time to pay attention and to listen and to discern accurately, as far as biblically is concerned, to try to help an individual. So building a loving relationship means that we're not approaching people in some sort of a cold, clinical way, as if we're Mr. or Mrs. Fix-It. We're approaching people as brothers and sisters in Christ, and we're interested in more than just fixing problems or giving answers to problems. We're interested in knowing, loving, and helping other individuals. Now, that's a must, or we will fizzle out pretty quick. Now, the second aspect of this, and then we're gonna get to the biblical basis in just a second, building a loving relationship is the first aspect, but a loving relationship with involvement. Now involvement means that we are taking steps to establish the kind of relationship with an individual that will lead them not only to tell you about their concerns, but also They'll be willing to hear your counsel or to hear what you have to say, receive instruction from you. Now this can be a pretty frustrating thing if involvement is not established in this sort of a thing. You have relationships with people of all kinds. Different relationships are set up in different ways. I have a relationship with every single person in this room, but they're not all the same. Not every person in this room is dying for me to tell you how to fix a problem. And so if I approached you and that's what I started doing and I was all in and you were all out, it's not going anywhere. And sometimes we can get frustrated in our efforts to try to help someone because in our minds we're trying to help and in their minds they're wondering what are you doing? Why are you talking about this with me? I'm not involved in my mind in the same kind of relationship that you are. So involvement of both parties has to be established before any real help can take place or even be received. So one of the things I figured out very early on is that in a helping relationship, the counselor or the discipler cannot be the only one working. If you're matter of fact. If if the one who's doing the discipling or the counseling is working harder than the one who's supposed to be receiving the help is not going to work. I tell folks. fairly regularly when we meet, that I am more than willing to sit down and to talk and to try to point you toward the scriptures and give you practical applications for your life. But you just need to know, out of the two of us, you're going to have to be working harder than I am. And I'm not going to chase you around Ripley or New Albany begging you to come sit down and talk to me. So if you want to come, come. I'm here. I'm ready to help. But if you're not interested, you're going to end up wasting both of our time. Nobody's going to get anything out of this. And so, you know, at some point, you might look at that and say, well, I thought you were building a loving relationship. Well, I am on the front end. I'm letting folks know these are the expectations. This is what I'm going to put in. This is what you're going to put in. And if you're not interested in that, we can still be friends. We're just not going to pretend. Now, don't ask me how I learned that I needed to do that. You probably figured it out. Now, as we're thinking about building loving relationships with one another, I think it's worth pointing out really the superiority of biblical care over secular professional model. You know, the place where people receive, can receive, should be receiving the best kind of personal care from anybody should be the church. If we had, if all the one another's were being played out or being lived out by every member here, if everyone was active in that toward one another, I mean, we're good at it, and I appreciate the efforts that are put into it, and I'm not saying that to be negative, I'm just saying if you can imagine a body where everyone was involved in the one another's, and in a loving relationship, interacting that way, well, there's nothing that could compete with that. So what a loving relationship or a discipling relationship is not might be helpful to think about. Number one, it's not a professional relationship. It's not a professional relationship. There's not a some sort of a cold separation between the expert and the individual who's there who just ranks a little bit lower. It's not a hierarchy relationship, again, unequals. But a biblical relationship in this type of setting, discipleship, biblical counseling, it's really a peer relationship. That is, it's it's fellow believers seeking to grow in Christ likeness. So if if an individual comes and. They have a problem or if they come and they just want to be discipled because they want to grow. And we're in a room together. And it's just the two of us. Guess how many people in that room need to be growing? Both of us. Right? There's nothing superior about me. I might be able to help him out and I might be able to guide him in the right direction because the Lord has blessed me with some knowledge in that or to know what scripture has to say about that or some sort of practical experiences with that or so forth or so on. But at the end of the day, we're fellow sinners saved by grace. I'm not some sort of an expert that has all the answers. I'm not some sort of a guru who stands head and shoulders above the people that I'm trying to minister to. At the foot of the cross, there are no big I's and small u's. We are fellow believers who are walking together and we're headed toward glory together. And God may bless us to be able to help one another as we seek to grow. So it's a peer relationship. Secondly, it's a disciple-discipler relationship. So there's a disciple, there's a discipler, and here's one of the reasons why it's important to make that distinction. Because in the relationship, the authority is God's Word. The authority is God's Word. Again, it's not me. It's not whatever I think ought to be happening. It's not what I think the person ought to be doing. I tell folks all the time, If I ask you to do something and you're not sure if that's biblical or not, you need to feel free to say, can you give me a chapter and verse for why you would ask me to do that, for why you would ask me to apply it that way? Can you explain that to me? Why? Because the goal is not for me to make you what I think you ought to be. The goal is sanctification, which means we're all growing into Christ likeness, and there's only one authoritative way to know if we're growing in Christ likeness, and that is to measure your thoughts, your motives, your actions off the Word of God. Not Lewis's preference, and so it's a peer to peer relationship, fellow believers, disciple-disciple relationship. The Word of God is our authority. Now, I've mentioned this already, but let's look a little deeper into the importance of establishing a loving relationship. Look in John chapter one. The importance. Of establishing a loving relationship. Now, this goes in line with maybe it might have been last Wednesday, but sometime in the last couple of weeks and Sister Lee made the statement or shared the quote that she had heard. You know, people don't don't really care how much you know until they know you care or something in the ballpark of that. If we don't have an established, loving relationship with someone, we're probably not going to get very far with them. And Jesus Christ is our example. If you read the Gospels, one of the things you cannot get away from is that Jesus related to people all the time in loving, humble, gentle ways. So think about this from John 1.14. The Word was made flesh and He dwelt among us. and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth." This reality that Christ took on flesh and dwelt among us, made His abode among us, and we were able to behold His glory. John picks up on this. In 1 John, Chapter 1, he describes it just a little bit different. Adds a few more details here. He says, that which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we have looked upon and our hands have handled of the word of life. For the life was manifested and we have seen it and bear witness and show unto you that eternal life, which was with the Father and was manifest unto us. That which we have seen and heard declare we unto you. that you also may have fellowship with us, and truly our fellowship is with the Father and with His Son, Jesus Christ." Now, a couple of things. As far as Christ is our example out of these two passages. Number one, Jesus spent time with people. Jesus wasn't just an answer man. He wasn't the Bible answer man. He wasn't the one who just went around and was facts only. According to John, he interacted with people to the extent that he says we we touched him with our hands. We we knew him. We saw him. We were with him and we continue to have fellowship with him. So Jesus spent time with people. If you're going to establish a loving relationship with an individual, you're going to have to spend some time with them. It doesn't mean you spend all day, but you're going to have to spend some regular time with someone. Now, it's pretty popular to make the distinction between quality time and quantity time, and you want to go quality over. All that's mean, what does that even mean? Time is time. You've got to spend time with people. You've got to spend time with people if you're going to build a relationship. Second, Jesus interacted with people and He took a personal interest in them. Jesus was not just some nod on a log somewhere. He talked to people. He engaged people. He asked questions. He took an interest. And then Jesus allowed people to get to know Him. Jesus allowed people to get to know Him. These are all aspects of building a loving relationship with someone. In Matthew 9, 35 and 36, it says, Jesus went about as He was wont to do. He went about all the villages, and He was healing the sick and the diseases. And then it said He saw the multitude that they were like sheep without a shepherd, and He had compassion on them. So Jesus was compassionate toward people. He was compassionate toward people. And then the last one that I'll mention, in John 15, 15, Jesus tells his disciples, I no longer call you servants, but I call you friends. Jesus openly expressed his affection toward people. He wasn't backward about that. He didn't leave His disciples wondering what He thought about them or the level of relationship He thought He had with them. He openly expressed His love, His affection toward people. So Jesus is our example here. We could come up with a hundred other examples as far as just observations in the Gospels. So the question then might be, again, why is it important to establish a loving relationship, particularly with someone that you're trying to help? Well, there's at least three reasons. Number one, it's difficult to trust a stranger. That's just, you know that. I don't have to try to convince you of that. It's very difficult to trust somebody that you don't know. Second, it's difficult to admit more than surface problems unless there's trust. We live among real people with real problems. Matter of fact, people in this room, I mean, you have problems that you probably don't want to tell anybody except your spouse. You have problems that maybe you wish you could talk to other people about, but you just haven't, for whatever reason, worked up the courage or found the comfort level to do that, and that's the way it works. One of the things that I've figured out over the years is that when you meet with somebody and somebody is wanting to meet with you, In meeting number one, you never ever get the full story. You never get it all in meeting number one. Because people have to trust you before they're willing to admit more than just the surface problems. And then the third, it's difficult to receive help and commit oneself to change unless there's trust. So it's one thing for me to tell you my problem, but then the other thing is I've got to trust you enough to know that you're going to actually help me once I say it. So what if I tell you the problem that is so weighing so heavy on me and you just look at me with a blank stare and we figure out it's a problem and that's what it is. So I've got to trust that you can actually help me and that you're willing to help me. So all these things are established in a loving relationship. It doesn't mean that you're the local expert. It means I know that you love me and you care about me. And if I tell you something that you don't know how to handle, I'm confident you're going to find someone who can help, even if you can. Number three, not only is Jesus our example and is it important for these reasons, but the Bible requires us to build relationships that are real relationships and caring relationships. The Bible requires us to build these kinds of relationships. As far as Proverbs is concerned, Proverbs has a whole lot to say about relationships. Proverbs 16. This verse isn't necessarily about the requirement, but just look at what the verse says here in verse 24, Proverbs 16, verse 24. Pleasant words are as a honeycomb sweet to the soul and health to the bones. Pleasant words. We have a relationship where we're again establishing love and care and we're sharing Again, pleasant words. It's sweet to the soul. It's a blessing. But then we think about things like Proverbs 27. Proverbs 27. Verse six. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. We're obviously worried about the first part of that. Faithful are the wounds of a friend. You know, there are times where we have to confront each other. There are times where we speak words that wound. And it's a whole lot better if you're convinced that I'm your friend on the front end, rather than me trying to convince you of that on the back end. There are times where we must be wounded by words, and we can receive that if we're convinced that the person who's delivering that is a friend. Or 27.9, ointment and perfume rejoice the heart, so doth the sweetness of a man's friend by hearty counsel. So we have the ability through our relationships and interactions and conversations to be able to rejoice, lift the spirits, rejoice the heart. Of one another. Other things we could. Or other passages that we could go to and and mention Paul in First Thessalonians two. I mean, this is this is one of my favorite ones. First Thessalonians chapter two. I don't think it was that long ago where we were here. Look how Paul. describes himself. Sometimes people can downplay the importance of relationships, the importance of establishing loving relationships and those kinds of things. One of the things you walk away with from 1 Thessalonians 2 is that Paul did not downplay it at all. Paul thought it was very important. And he even used that in a way to defend himself. So he says in verse 7, 1 Thessalonians 2.7, as he's really defending himself, he says, But we were gentle among you, even as a nurse cherisheth her children. So being affectionately desirous of you, we were willing to have imparted unto you, not the gospel of God only, but also our own souls because ye were dear to us. What Paul's saying here is we didn't just give you the gospel, we gave you ourselves. We loved you, we were affectionately desirous of you and we wanted to be in a real, genuine, loving relationship with you. We weren't in some cold office somewhere that you could come check in and check out and receive words. We were right in the middle of you because we cared about you. Then he goes on in verse 9. You remember, brethren, our labor and travail for laboring night and day because we would not be chargeable unto any of you. We preached unto you the gospel of God. You are witnesses in God also how holy and justly and unblameably we behaved ourselves among you that believe. And you know how we exhorted and comforted and charged every one of you as a father does his children, that you would walk worthy of God who has called you unto his kingdom and glory. So several different word pictures there about Paul's, not his message, but the way Paul related to the church there in Thessalonica. And they all paint a picture there, an aspect of building a loving relationship or at least having loving interaction with another person. Now, as we're thinking about relationships, a loving relationship and a relationship where we're trying to build involvement with someone, it's worth thinking about if someone is going to sit down with you and you're building a loving relationship with them, and they begin to grow more and more comfortable, and they start telling you some things, I think it's wise that you let people know on the front end that there are biblical limits to the kind of confidentiality that you can promise, okay, or that you can grant. So confidentiality is big, it ought to be big, But again, if you find somebody who is convinced that you care about them and that you can help them, you're going to hear all kinds of things. When folks trust you, you're going to hear all kinds of things. And so on the front end, biblically speaking, in the world system, confidentiality is just about everything. But there's few aspects where we can't do that. So like I said before, One of the important aspects of building trust is maintaining appropriate confidentiality. So Proverbs chapter 11. Proverbs chapter 11. In verse 13, says a talebearer or a gossip reveals secrets, but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. So obviously the talebearer in this situation is not someone who's being commended. It's a, it's a, it's a, mark of foolishness to break confidentiality just as far as going around telling everybody's secrets, but a faithful individual will conceal the matter. In Proverbs 20, verse 19, he says, He that goeth about as a tailbearer revealeth secrets, therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips. So the tailbearer goes around and reveals secrets. He's also the one who's flattering with his lips and Solomon says if you're wise, you're not going to meddle with this person. That is, you're not going to interact with this person. You're not going to open up to this person. So important aspect of building trust is when I tell you something I know you're not going to run around and tell everybody else. But there's two reasons biblically. Why you would break confidentiality if you were trying to help someone? The first one. is Matthew 18. So in a church setting. Stubborn. Ongoing. Unrepentant sin. Requires that we get others involved after appropriate efforts have failed. So Matthew 18 we will read some of that Matthew 1815. where Jesus says, "'Moreover, if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone. If he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother. But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word might be established. And if he neglects to hear them, tell it to the church, and if he neglects to hear the church, then let him be as a heathen or a republican.'" And so in a church setting, There may be reason if an individual has opened up to you about a ongoing, habitual, stubborn, unrepentant sin, and then just refuses to work toward repentance, there may be a reason to break that confidentiality. That needs to be understood on the front end. The second one is, out of Romans chapter 13, Verses one and two, let every soul be subject to the higher powers. In cases where the law would require us to report illegal activity to the authorities. So this would be, I'm thinking things like physical or sexual abuse. Those are things that have to be reported. Those are things where God's legal authorities are to step in and to take care of that. or at least take care of their part of it. Other things that would legally require us to report, again, illegal activity, usually the way I would talk about this is it falls under if an individual has led you to believe that they're a threat to themselves or a threat to somebody else, you're gonna say something. If we're sitting down one-on-one, If I'm sitting down with Brother Robert and he's led me to believe that he's getting ready to leave my office and go shoot Brother Reggie, I'm gonna call Brother Reggie. Okay, that's the way that's gonna work. And so, on the front end, the person oughta know that. That if you come in saying something crazy like that, I'm gonna say something. So, biblically speaking, there are limits there. And then the last thing as far as building involvement, building relationships, loving, trusting relationships. This kind of seems like common sense, but it just is not, and so needs to be talked about. Following biblical principles and guidelines regarding counseling or discipling members of the opposite sex. So there are two biblical principles in jeopardy when we think about this. Number one is authority, and then number two is immorality. So I want to create some guidelines for wisdom here. So there's really just two areas to handle. Number one, according to 1 Timothy 2, verse 12, Women should not be teaching in an authoritative role over men. So women should not be discipling men. Now, obviously, if you're a mom and you've got a little boy, but as far as men, women should not be discipling men and women should not be counseling men. That would include marriage counseling. Now, it would be more than appropriate for a couple to counsel a couple together or to give marriage advice to a couple together, but the 1 Timothy 2.12 would prohibit a woman having any sort of authoritative role teaching-wise over another man. But, Titus 2.3-5 clearly lays out that women should be teaching other women. And that's an area where it would, that's an area that's honestly just lacking in the church culture at large. I'm not necessarily just talking about here, but there's a void here. And so this is something that should be happening. Women should be teaching other women. Now, the second one is the one that I'm not going to say it's the more obvious, but it's the one that gets violated more than the other, and that is men should not be counseling or discipling women alone. Now you may be scratching your head thinking who would do that? You'd be surprised. Whenever you read about a pastor who has fallen to sexual immorality, 90% fall. in relation to a one-on-one counseling type relationship they've established with a woman who's not their wife. Isn't that something? Ninety percent. So it happens all the time. As a rule, this is my This is my personal policy. I think it ought to be every man's personal policy. As a rule, I do not meet with women in person alone. If a woman wants to meet with me or if I need to have a meeting with another woman, I require that she bring a spouse or a trusted friend with her. As far as these loving relationships go and establishing these relationships and involvement and so forth and so on, these are meant to be edifying relationships within the church. They are certainly not meant to be temptations. And so We have passages that would, like 1 Corinthians 6, verse 18, that would command us to flee sexual immorality. Well, one of the ways that you can flee sexual immorality is to put guidelines into your life that would keep that from happening. So I heard, I think Billy Graham said this, but if it wasn't him, it was somebody that was connected to him. This was after the fall of a prominent pastor recently, and I heard it quoted, but the quote goes like this. It goes for men and women, but I'm just using men as an example. You will never, ever have sex with a woman who's not your wife if you're never alone with a woman who's not your wife. That's a good guideline. That's a good guideline. Now, in the culture that we live in today, there's a lot of, in the younger generation, a lot of guys who say their best friend is a girl and some girls that say their best friend is a guy, and that's just weird. And it's not very healthy as far as a marriage relationship goes. If you get married and your spouse's best friend is someone of the opposite sex, that's not great. So there's wisdom to be used. Doesn't mean that you can't be friends with somebody, but. We ought to be wise and put wise guidelines into place. Sometimes people say, well, you know, that's just kind of ridiculous. I would never do this and I would never do that. And we would just have to say if you think you stand, you better be careful lest you fall. OK, Satan will use whatever he can. Particularly. to discredit and to dissolve ministry efforts. So, establishing loving relationships, we could add on there wise relationships, and establishing involvement. Let's pray. Father, we confess relationships can be tricky from all kinds of angles. Lord, we have our own insecurities and our own shynesses that get in the way at times. And then on the other end, we can... just lack of discernment and lack forethought in areas that might lead us into dangerous arrangements. And so, Father, I pray you'd give us wisdom here. I pray that you would bless us to love one another, to follow Jesus' example of being involved and caring and genuine and compassionate. And Lord, I also pray that you would bless us to be faithful Faithful not to be tailbears, faithful to seek out answers from your word, and faithful to know and to love and to help people that you send our way. I pray in Jesus name, amen.