Right. Well, here we are again, friends. Let's talk about marriage because marriage is awesome. The title of the sermon says just that men love your wives or husbands love your wives. And then number two was husbands again, love your wives. And yet we're not finished. We can't seem to finish this. There's just so much stuff that scripture has to tell us. So we just receive it as we go through the text. And I think it's important enough, even if we have to do sort of a sausage sermon and just, all right, we're done. We'll continue this next Lord's day. I think. It's worth it. It's for the benefit of your marriages, for your benefit as husbands to know what the scripture says regarding loving your wife specifically. So today, and hopefully this is truthful, husbands, one more time, love your wives. And as we reviewed, our three passages come from Colossians chapter three, comes from first Peter, chapter 3 as well, and then Ephesians chapter 5. So we are really doing a survey, and it's like we want to go back and forth sort of between what the text says, and then of course, theologically break some of these instructions down when it comes to love. So, like I said before, there is going to be lots of overlap. You are going to hear me repeat the same thing many different times in many different sermons, many different occasions. But that demonstrates how all of this fits together. So I ask you, please don't be put off by that, rather be encouraged by that. Because the things that I'm saying from the Scripture are worth saying many, many times. So let's get up to speed here, and let's get into Ephesians. That's sort of been our bedrock text, and the other two have been supplementary. But just so we understand the context with which we're dealing and that we have the textual footing here, please draw your attention to Ephesians chapter 5, verse 25, and I will read. Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it. Just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body. So we'll stop there. And that's sort of been the text to guide us. And when it comes to just understanding this application of love within the confines of male headship, remember we've said love is primarily a masculine trait. There's a masculine quality within marriage. Men are commanded specifically to love their wives. Wives are not conversely commanded to love their husbands. So we want to understand the gravity of that instruction. And so, because Scripture exalts this godly quality of love, we want to pay close attention to it. And so based on this text, we broke it down in several ways. So I'm just going to quickly review this. If you weren't here last week or didn't catch it, I want us to kind of get up to speed and understand the context. One is simply a love that provides. A love that provides. Secondly, it's a love that protects. Thirdly, a love that pastors. Fourthly, a love that perfects. Fifthly, a love that pursues. And sixthly and finally, a love that perseveres. Now, of course, we look at these things and say, yeah, this sounds good. This is all coming from the word of God. Inspired. for our good, to point us to the gospel, to point us to grace, to point us to God's commandments, and His commandments are not burdensome, especially in marriage. And yet we find that even though we are able to acknowledge the inherent goodness of these instructions, every one of these points that I just rattled off are extremely offensive. They are offensive to a pagan world. Unbelievers despise this instruction. And with that, we have to understand very poignantly that biblical masculinity is under attack. It's under ferocious attack. And that really, I think, is the cause of a harvest of sorrows within our own culture. Is that it has basically become offensive, and if it could be outlawed, it would, for men simply to be men. To be faithful image bearers of God and to do their duty. with diligence and joy. Think of it this way, and I'll kind of give the cultural Marxist response to this. Consider a love that provides. How could we think of that as a bad thing? As Christ laid down his life for us? As he provided himself for his church? As He now provides His Holy Spirit to minister for us and to grow us in godliness, we think, how could that be a bad thing for husbands to take that as an example, and as they are empowered by the Holy Spirit, to love their wives by providing everything they need, so that women can fulfill their role as women in the home. Well, that's simply written off as oppression. Well, that's oppression. You're working, you're providing for your wife so she can stay at home. Well, you're suppressing her dreams, her hopes and aspirations. How dare you? A love that protects. I'm willing to fight to protect my wife from dangers within the house, without the house, dangers that are physical, that are imminent physical threat, or even spiritual threats. Well, that's written off as misogyny. Women don't need no man, we can look out for ourselves, and that's what they're taught. A protective husband is a misogynistic husband. Once again, the brow-beating, the how-dare-yous. I love that pastors, oh, this one's easy. Well, that's written off as patriarchy. Of course, the patriarchy is an oppressive system that must be overthrown. And yet we are called to pastor our wives, to lead them spiritually, to minister to them the word of God, so that they can be presented as a spotless bride, sanctified, useful for the kingdom. A love that perfects, well, that's simply written off as male supremacy. What do our wives need our assistance and oversight for? To perfect and sanctify. Then you have the good old love that pursues. Well, today that's just written off as creepy. Pursuing. Chasing. Heaven forbid you show your woman that you're interested in her. The love that perseveres. And I think a lot of this comes from actually men who have pursued a sort of godless machoism. See, there is a godly patriarchy rule of fathers, and there is a godless. Remember, for every good thing that Scripture presents, There is a godless form. There is an apostate manifestation of it. Because the devil deals primarily in counterfeits, not in opposites. So he's not going to say, husbands don't love your wives. He's going to say, husbands love your wives in a different way, but not God's way. So the love that perseveres is written off as a waste of time. Oh, you don't need her, bro. If she's not gonna do what you say, if she's not gonna subject herself to you, then you can just go and find a woman who will. Well, there goes the love that perseveres. And that is godless counsel for men who do not know God. And so we didn't quite finish that, and I think it's worth laboring over this love is perseverance, because as we've mentioned before, perseverance really plays a role in the previous five. In our provision, protection, pastoring, perfecting, and pursuit of our wives, there is a persevering element to all of those things. That means we keep applying ourselves in all of those things. We don't give up in any of those things. As the Word informs us, as the Spirit gives us strength, we persevere in loving our wives. And I would say this before we go on. Men, when are we going to stop caring what pagans think? It's like we have this guilt imputed to us that is not ours to bear. Righteous behavior is written off as offensive and sinful. And here we are apologizing for it. And these charges are coming from pagans, people who do not believe, people who do not know or love God. And it's also coming from pagan thinking within the church. And we have to be on guard against both in order to love our wives rightly. But remember, righteousness, as God knows righteousness, is always going to be offensive to people who don't know God. It's just a fact of life. And in persevering, we have to stand our ground for what is true, what is right, what is godly. All the time. But it is this pagan thinking and sort of the buckling under public censure where we fall into the trap of the nice guy. And I figured I'd talk about this a little bit in my introduction today because I think it's worth considering. We've talked about the white knight already, and I think the white knight is simply a symptom of what is just this sort of prevailing expression of pseudo-masculinity that we call The nice guy. The nice guy. Very helpful analysis of the nice guy. If you have not read Zachary Garris' book, Masculine Christianity, a very good, thorough book on what the Bible has to say about masculinity. Very well documented, packed with scripture, good exegesis, sound doctrine. I highly commend it to you. But he talks about, in this book, in one of the chapters, the sin of niceness. Yes, the sin of niceness. We figure, well, what harm could come from being nice? And I would ask you, like, what good could come from being nice? The sin of niceness. I think many of us in here struggle with this far more than we are willing to admit. Listen to what Gareth says. Pretty extensive quote and we'll work through it, but I think it'll be very helpful to you. So listen up. He says this, many men, especially Christian men, just want to be nice to people. Nice in the sense of being agreeable and not wanting anyone to dislike them. Remember we talked about this with white knight syndrome. We just want everything to be okay. We just want our wives to be at peace and to not be unsettled, to not confront them on anything. So going on in this quote, he says this, however, the Bible does not call men to be nice. Men should be kind and gentle. And of course, kindness, gentleness are part of the fruit of the Spirit. In Galatians chapter 5, we are called again and again as men to be kind, to be compassionate, to be gentle. It's interesting in this in last week's men's Bible study. We were talking about this For a bit that how we've gone into Galatians chapter 5 and we've taken much of the fruit of the Spirit and we've just Emasculated it and turned it into niceness Passivity With no conviction no spine But listen to what he says. He says, but kindness and gentleness are not the same thing as niceness. And I think that's very important. Kindness seeks to meet a need, actually seeks to meet the needs of someone. That takes conviction because it's not always safe. It's not always inoffensive to meet a need. You think about it. In order to meet a need, you often have to tell someone, hey, you need this. And telling someone they need something can be pretty offensive. I mean, we're offended by everything these days anyway. And we need to repent from that, quite frankly. Not the same thing as niceness. And of course, we have gentleness, otherwise known as meekness. And we would say meekness is not weakness. Meekness is simply power under control. But there is still strength there. But there is a wisdom in the application of that strength that still is an expression of the activity of God's Holy Spirit to strengthen the church. and to aid others in the pursuit of Christ-likeness. But he says here, niceness is weakness. Now listen to this. Niceness is people-pleasing. Niceness is men trying to keep peace when there is no peace. Now how do you like that for a spiritual throat punch? Men trying to keep peace when there is no peace. That's what the prophet said, right? When trouble was upon them, judgment was right at the door. And he says, why do you keep, the Lord says, why do you keep saying peace, peace when there is no peace? You guys are delusional. And that's just it. Nice guys are delusional. Nice people, I would say, are timid. They die for nothing because they stand for nothing. Now listen to Proverbs 28.1. Definitely not describing a nice guy. The wicked flee when no one is pursuing. It's pointed out to me, but that's why we don't exercise by running or jogging, because the wicked flee when no one is pursuing. But I digress. But the righteous are bold as a lion. Oh, that's quite an insight. The righteous aren't nice, the righteous aren't passive, the righteous are bold as a lion. Have you ever seen a lion be bold? I mean, just watch the Discovery Channel or the National Geographic Channel. You will know boldness when you see a lion. Especially a male lion. There is strength, there is majesty, there is beauty. The lion boldly prowls around his territory. I say that's a great picture for a godly man, for a righteous man. Because he resembles his Savior. Think about how the Lord Jesus Christ is pictured. Especially in the book of Revelation. He is the what? The lion of the tribe of Judah. And we too. and following our Savior faithfully, not being nice guys, but being bold, are to be a picture of Him. See, the righteous husband can be bold as a lion because he understands his territory. He understands that he is on claimed territory. Your marriage is the territory of the king. Your marriage is to be a platform for bringing God honor and glory. It is to be a representation of His strength in action. But that is not going to happen, man, if you are not bold. It is not going to happen if you insist on being a nice guy. And just sort of sitting down and taking it easy every time there's trouble or conflict. Here's another illustration from the animal kingdom. One of my favorite trips ever with Katie back in 2010, we took a boat up to Alaska, and then we took a little plane out to Lake Clark National Parks because we wanted to see the big brown bears. Not the inland grizzly bears, but those big coastal brownies. They're huge. And it was interesting. And our guide told us to do as much, but he said, you know, when the really big bear comes, the other bears, and they're big too, you know what they do? They sit. They sit down as a sign of submission. And we were advised to do the same thing because, hey, who wants that to happen? Who wants the data to turn sour because you couldn't submit before a 1,000 pound angry brown bear? But I think this is kind of what nice guys do. We see something and it appears big and terrifying and intimidating, and you know what our answer is? We don't even run. We don't even run, we just sit down. And that makes us doubly dangerous. Why? Because it appears like we're in the battle. And we're just posers, sitting, pretending to hold our weapons of war. See, the real cowards are running. But the greater coward is the one who sits down in the face of conflict, in the face of temptation, in the face of affliction, in the face of whenever this man has a disagreeable wife, rather than counsel her, rather than shepherd her, rather than, I'm gonna say it, rebuke and correct her, he just sits. And yet he appears like he's part of the battle. Well that answers that question, that's why I pulled the stool over here. But that's what nice men do. Garris concludes this, and remember this, this is a life of conflict. And there is a time to fight and a time to confront. Nice men are yes men in a world that needs to be told no. No one fears nice men, but nice men are full of fear. The best example of this today is when men apologize for something just because someone was offended. But when a real man does nothing wrong, he does not apologize just to appease his critics. Pause quote. Something that I, if you've listened to Blog and Mayblog, that's something that Doug Wilson has brought up before, where he says, you know what? Men, if you have not sinned against your wife, do not apologize to her. You apologize to her when you have done something wrong. So going on in Garris' quote, niceness avoids conflict and for that reason can never overcome challenges. See men, the problem isn't that there is conflict in your marriage or conflict in your home. The issue partially, and I would say importantly, is how you're handling that conflict. What are you doing about that conflict? Are you ministering the truth in love or are you sitting down and letting your wife or even your kids take charge? going on in Garris's quote. This is good stuff. Niceness avoids conflict and for that reason can never overcome challenges. Nice men produce nothing of lasting value. This is why, end quote, and this is why this is so important. See, ground zero men for the majority of challenges that are going to come in your life are going to emerge in the home, not from the outside world. It's going to be your home. And you and your beloved bride have to face the challenges and afflictions and even the glories of this life together. And that, to my point, requires loving perseverance. Love that does not persevere is not a love that is prepared to handle these afflictions. And by example, if you are not able to confront your wife on anything, then your impact outside the home will be as bankrupt as your impact inside of it. See, the problem with nice guys is not that they finish last, as the saying goes. The problem with nice guys is that they never really get started. And we don't want to make light of this cowardliness of this nice guy. That's really what it is. To be a nice guy is simply to be a coward. And that's hard for some of us to take in here, I know. But listen to Revelation 21.8. But for the cowardly, and unbelieving, and abominable, and murderers, and immoral persons, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death." Think about the terror of this judgment. And look at the list. Look at the other things that come up here. The unbelieving. Oh, that's bad. The abominable, and murderers, and sorcerers. You know, we got the wizard over here. We got Harry Potter here getting thrown into the lake of fire and brimstone. We think, oh, that's terrible. But the cowardly tops the list. Men, do not be cowards. Do not be nice. It's not just a matter of godliness and stability of your home. The cowardly will be judged and judged severely. See, nice guys like things to be easy, but life as we know it is not easy. We know that life is full of affliction the first time someone takes our toy in children's church. We know that we're born for trouble, the sparks fly upward. And it's not going to be an easy thing. Life is going to be fraught with conflict. It's not going to be easy, but rough seas make a skilled captain. And you want to be that skilled captain. So perseverance, talk about this a little more. Perseverance, the long term commitment of pursuing the highest good for your wife, as Christ does, so that she will be spotless and blameless and above reproach. This is a perseverance that continually engages, continually pursues. is continually committed to that relationship. It's a perseverance that no matter how frustrating, no matter how discouraging at times, it does not give up your wife or leave her to her own devices, no matter how frustrating those times may be. It keeps pressing on with the grace of the gospel, the authority of scripture, and with, importantly, the heart of a shepherd. It upholds fidelity, this persevering love does. It keeps the marriage bed undefiled. In all ways, persevering love is faithful. And this is the hardest part. Perseverance is not easy. But this is the kind of love that remains because ultimately it looks to the same kind of love that God lavishes upon us through his son. It is a love that continues. And a love that always finishes the work. And when we love our wives in a persevering way, we affirm that about God. Remember, we're always preaching something about Jesus to our wives. And we persevere in love, we also say that God loves us with a persevering love that never fails. 1 Corinthians 13. And we're encouraged to persevere. Galatians 6, 9 says, let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. So just an application of that text. As we love our wives and we are faithful to God in loving them, we do not lose heart. And we understand that it will bear fruit. It will bear fruit at some point. Perhaps unanticipated or unexpected fruit. But if as righteous men, we persevere in love, there will be good fruit. There will be righteous fruit. And God will do His work. Here's another one. An oldie but a goodie. James 1, 2-4. Consider it all joy, my brethren. And maybe you're at a point where your marriage isn't that joyful. You're really struggling. Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance, and let endurance have its perfect result." See, there it is right there. Let endurance have its perfect result, this perseverance, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James is employing the same language that Paul is employing regarding the purposes for the bride. This perfection, this maturity, this completion, this lacking in nothing. And we read a verse like James and we should ask, why should it be any different in our marriages? Why should our marriages lack endurance? Why should our marriages lack maturity and completion and perfection? Why should marriage fail to be a platform, an arena for enduring trials and having our faith tested? And I think that's the place where it's often tested the most. Should be no different. And so for the remainder of the instruction this morning, I want to look at these two specific texts. It's funny, I told my wife this morning, man, I'm looking at about a half hour for my sermon this morning. I lied. Turn to Colossians, the book of Colossians chapter three. Verse 19, there's a very simple instruction here, and this is tied to perseverance because we want to acknowledge the challenges to persevering love. Colossians 3. Verse 19, and there's very a very simple instruction here. See, Paul begins with wives and he says in verse 18, be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Do not be embittered against them. This word embittered is the same one used in Revelation 10, 9 when John eats the scroll. Remember he says that in his mouth it was sweet as honey, but it made his stomach bitter. It made him sick. It's bitter. This word kind of has a semantic range. It can mean angry. It can mean chafed. can be harsh toward, and I think that all plays into it. We are not to be angry toward our wives, chafed toward our wives, bitter or harsh toward our wives. We are to love them. And I think it is understandable from within this text that it is love that overcomes those things. Love is that which counteracts the temptation toward bitterness. So Paul here is warning husbands to avoid that hostile disposition toward their wives. But you don't fight something with nothing. You fight this with enduring, persevering love. And I think this is very difficult for us. We are men, we like things to be a certain way, especially in our household. Especially if we are attentive husbands. We like things to be a certain way. We also, I think we can all attest to this as husbands, we don't particularly like being told what to do. We don't particularly like being told what to do by our wives, even if they're right. Much of the time they are. And sometimes, over time, that can cause us to be embittered against them. And we guard against that, of course, because the bulk of the corrections that are going to come in our lives are going to come from our wives. The bulk of the interruptions that are going to happen in our lives are going to come from our wives. And we don't want what is initially bothersome to become bitterness. And certain things can make us bitter. Certain things can be a catalyst for a harsh and chafed, get that word in your mind, chafed reaction. Or chafed attitude. It can range from a lot of things. Messy house, unruly kids, lack of intimacy, lack of attention, or even the perception that our wife is, we talked about this last week, we have a wife who is unteachable, she's difficult to instruct through scripture, Maybe struggling with spiritual growth or humility. Once again, the danger here is evident, especially if you want to insist on being a nice guy. This is going to be a struggle. Of course, this remains a tough one for men who are called to respond in love towards these difficulties. And this bitterness, this harshness, can express itself in different ways, too. I think the most obvious one is that when we are annoyed, we respond in uncontrolled anger and perhaps shout. Or we're harsh, we lord over her. Our verbal communication is biting and overly direct. It's funny, so many stories come to mind. I used to make my wife nervous when I would text her. It's amazing what texting can do. It can really mess with someone. But if I would end a sentence in a period, She thought that I was upset about something, rather than just say, hi. And then I would respond, hello, period. Uh-oh, what's got Jonathan spun out right now? happens so now when she says hi it's hello double kiss emojis a couple of hearts you know it's just you overdo it so you know I I love you I delight in you I am NOT chafed at you got to be clear one of those funny things Another way, we go into silent mode. We get all broody and taciturn and not being talkative, or we go into caveman mode and grunt at them. And when we talk, we talk down to them. And if we do not employ persevering love, gentlemen, this thing tends to fester over years. to the point where we make excuses for it. And then we lower the standard of what it means to be kind and gentle toward our wives and employ persevering love. We say things like, well, you may have shouted at her, you may have responded in uncontrolled anger, but then your excuse is, well, it's not like I cheat on you. It's not like I hit you. And whatever other screwy thing we may think of at the time. We end up like the tax... the Pharisee in his response to the tax collector. Thank you God that I'm not like that guy! And then suddenly mere men become our standard rather than Jesus Christ, who treats us like a shepherd. I mean, that's not love, guys. I think we just call that in modern times being a jerk. And that is not strength. That is not a faithful exercise of spiritual headship. And so we buckle in many ways. And in each of these contexts, we surrender our strength. And then we are ill-equipped to serve our wives by leading them and leading them faithfully. Think of Samson. Samson is an example we cannot overlook. So back in the book of Judges, in chapter 16, it's interesting that in the subheading here, it says, Delilah extracts his secret. And we see Samson here eventually just worn down. And you could say that he becomes bitter. But in this bitterness, what does he do? He loses his resolve. And when he loses his resolve and gives up his secret, he loses his strength. And he will not tell Delilah the secret of his strength. And he kind of toys with her. And he misleads her. And Delilah stands to profit financially if she is able to see where his great strength lay. And in verse 7 of chapter 16, it says, Samson said to her, if they bind me with seven fresh cords that have not been dried, then I will become weak and be like any other man. And then, of course, that's a lie. The cords are broken. In verse 10, Delilah said to Samson, Behold, you have deceived me and told me lies. Now please tell me how you may be bound. Then he lies to her again. And then in verse 13, Up to now you have deceived me and told me lies. Tell me now how you may be bound. Lies to her again. And then look at this, 15, all just wearing him down. And this is part of the way that men that we can become embittered with our wives. We hear these accusations of, oh, you're not doing what I want. You're not telling me what I need to know. You don't love me. You tell me you love me, but you despise me, obviously. This sort of wears us down. We lose our resolve. We lose our conviction. We fail to respond with strength and with truth and the occasional rebuke. Verse 15, how can you say I love you when your heart is not with me? Oh man, who could resist that? And then it says this 16, it came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him that his soul was annoyed to death. I think this is a clear expression of bitterness. clear expression of that. So he told her all that was in his heart and said to her, a razor has never come upon my head for I've been a Nazarite to God from my mother's womb. If I am shaved, then my strength will leave me and I will become weak and be like any other man. So when it comes to these temptations to bitterness or to surrender your strength, even the accusation that you do not love your wife, if it's coming even from your wife, Listen, men, don't let her cut your hair. Don't surrender your strength. Don't surrender your conviction and commitment to the Lordship of Christ in your marriage. And in all of that, don't become bitter. Don't buckle. All this plays into being a nice guy. All this plays into failing to persevere in loving wisdom and oversight to your precious bride. And we know what happened to Samson. Don't be like Samson. Don't become bitter. Don't let her cut your hair. Don't give up your strength. And with that is going to come a myriad of challenges. But if you play the man and you stand on your convictions, and you exercise faithful headship and loving perseverance over your wife, you will be glad that you did. And I believe that a harvest of blessings will be in store for you. Listen to this concerning bitterness. Ephesians 2.15, see that no one comes short of the grace of God. Hebrews 12.15, see to it that no one comes short of the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many defile. Many be defiled. So apply that to your marriage. Apply that to the way you lead your wife. You want to enjoy the outflow of the grace of God in your marriage, do you not? It's all of grace, and you don't want to be blinded toward how the grace of God makes itself manifest in your relationship. But he says, be careful that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble. That's what bitterness does. It causes trouble. And by it, many be defiled. That counteracts the very purpose that your persevering love is to see fulfilled. That your wife is spotless, blameless, without blemish. Not to be defiled. And that is why you must guard against bitterness, but you don't guard against bitterness by being a nice guy, or by being, again, by being a jerk, by being the macho man. Counteract it with persevering love. A love whose standard is Christ himself. In Ephesians 4.31-32 we read this, let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you along with all malice. That's Paul's instruction. Let it be put away from you. And he says be kind to one another, tender hearted, forgiving one another just as God in Christ has also forgiven you. I think one thing we need to see in Christ's forgiveness of us is he's forgiven us completely. And so your bitterness toward your wife needs to be removed and forgiven completely. And in this, you will reclaim that role as head of the home. We said if you abdicate, you are still head. And through exercising tender, persevering love, you are able to reclaim that role and stand on the truth and continue to minister to your wife faithfully. But Christ always has to be our standard. Christ always has to be our starting point. And whenever new expression of masculinity may come, If it is not rooted in Christ, if it is not rooted in the redemptive work of the gospel, then don't listen to it. See, because Scripture always gives us a better way. And I think this is where the antidote to bitterness comes from. Look at 1 Peter 3, and we will get to our final text. 1 Peter 3. Look at verse 7. Peter writes, you husbands, in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way as with someone weaker, since she is a woman, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered. You can walk through this, hopefully briefly, but this is the antidote to that bitterness, is live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman. See, that's part of understanding, man. Your wife is not you. Your wife is a woman and not a man. So don't disparage the very things that attracted you to her in the first place. You were attracted to your wife fundamentally because she's not a dude. She's a woman. That's a good place to start. That's God's way to start. Place to start. But with that comes understanding. Literally, live with your wife according to knowledge. We've talked about this a bit. Deep abiding knowledge. To not be clueless regarding your wife. I'm going to break this down a little bit because you need to know your wife. In many different contexts. So you can continue loving her to beauty and maturity. understand your wife. So let's expand on a couple things here. First and foremost, and most of these will be pretty plain, but I want to get you thinking about them. First of all, know your wife's strengths. Know your wife's strengths. Where does she excel? Here's a couple examples. Hospitality, mercy. Does she excel in teaching? Ask yourself the question of how God has gifted her to bring glory to him and advance his kingdom. Because she is a fellow heir of the grace of life with you. And that means involvement in advancing the kingdom of God. Ask further, how has God equipped her to serve and bless others? And encourage her to pursue those things while also wisely managing the time she spends on each of those things. Some of your wives in here, guys, are way too talented for their own good. So you have to, as a shepherd, sort of mitigate those responsibilities. so that she's not spread too thin. Sometimes we can't do it all. So encourage her in that whatever she does, she does well and can do to completion. And of course, knowing her strengths, that means knowing her weaknesses and struggles. What sins does she struggle with? Struggle with doubt? Depression? Does she struggle with resentment? Does she struggle with even doing tasks around the house? Does she struggle being a housewife? Does she struggle serving or being around others? Does your wife not like people? It's a very realistic thing that some of us have to deal with. Are her domestic skills limited to Kraft macaroni and cheese? She needs to grow a bit there. Where does she need encouragement? I know, ouch. Where does she need encouragement? That's the point. In areas of weakness and struggle, she needs constant encouragement. And yes, men, this will be a challenge, hence perseverance. Sometimes, just as it's difficult for you to hear correction from your wife, it's also difficult at times for your wife to hear correction from you do it anyway that's why we say be a man and shepherd your wife even if she has a hard time with it i mean blame me you know like jonathan said i have to correct you right we'll talk it's all good again sometimes we're weak in certain areas simply because they need to be developed you never know how god has gifted you But in all those things, know her weaknesses and know how you can encourage her. There's a sanctifying act in that. Here's another one. You're going to love this. Know what she is to expect of you. That is one of your responsibilities, men. Your wife needs to know with details what God expects of you as a man, as a leader, as the ruler, as the Lord of your household. See, it's not just a question of whether or not she knows that you're the head of your household, but that she knows what your responsibilities are. Does she know, going back on previous lessons, does your wife know that you are the dominator of the household? Does she know that you are the leader? Does she know that you are the representative, that you are the spokesman of the home? that you are ultimately responsible for her and your family. She has to know all of those things because she should be able to hold you accountable to keep cultivating those things. And she should be above all because God has made her to be your helpmate. It's going to be hard for her to help you if she does not know what your responsibilities are. And that's going to take some humility. That exposes you. It's going to expose some weaknesses. It's going to expose where you need to grow. But do not be embittered against your wife. Listen to her counsel and understand that she is a gift from God to you. To help you be a faithful image bearer and a faithful husband. Here's another one. Know how she changes. Life is typically long. It's a journey full of temptation, affliction, full of many joys, but there's lots to navigate together. And men, I'm going to tell you something really shocking, that your wife is not always going to stay the same in every respect. She is going to change. There's going to be times in life where she is challenged in a lot of ways. It's the various trials and afflictions of life where she's going to be sad, right? We talked about being inconsolable. She's going through a hard time. And those things are going to change her. It's going to affect how she sees the world. It's going to affect how she thinks. And you have to be knowledgeable of her in order to shepherd her faithfully. People change. And that's not always a bad thing. But you are going to have to have the wisdom and the knowledge to know how to employ the Word of God so that her spiritual needs are met, so that you can continue to nourish her. And finally, know this. that to abide by any of these things, you are going to have to spend time with her. Yeah, you get to spend time with your wife. Invest in that time. Strategically carve out that time so that you can dwell with your wife with knowledge. So that you're not clueless about her, so you're not always riding by the seat of your pants, trying to react to things she says and does. Know your wife, know who she is. Grow in knowledge of her. Says this, as the weaker vessel. Barnes has a helpful quote here, he says, by this it is not necessarily meant that she is of feebler capacity or inferior mental endowments, but that she is more tender and delicate. More subject to infirmities and weaknesses. Less capable of enduring fatigue and toil. Less adapted to the rough and stormy scenes of life. And men, that is why you need to hold on to your strength, right? Do not give your strength to women, but give your strength to your woman. So you can hold her up during these seasons. And I think most specifically this weakness is talking primarily about physical weakness. But the fact is, is that overall, in the whole of things, just creation itself, your wife is a more delicate creature than you are. So treat her as a weaker vessel. Treat her as the most delicate thing in the world. Be strong, but do not let your strength break her. That is why it's said that one of the meanings of the word Isha, woman, in Hebrew, means soft. And as it follows, we should be soft toward our wives. Doesn't mean you have to, again, every time she complains or every time she's disagreeable that you just, that you roll over and die or you roll over and submit. But still, you can main, that's where we have meekness, gentleness, is maintaining that strength and yet employing it in such a way that it does not crush her. That takes wisdom. That takes perseverance. We say, how is this sustained? Well, let's go on. How does this perseverance in light and love manifest itself? It says this, and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life so that your prayers will not be hindered. Now, once again, Peter's very words dispel the myth that women are inherently superior to men, or inherently inferior. Again, if you were living in a Roman culture, that was the understanding, is that men were superior to women. You did not have to show your wife honor. She was a second-class citizen. She was disposable. You didn't have to honor her. She was replaceable. They were even subject to a husband, if he wanted to be adulterous, if he wanted to cheat, he could. He could treat her abusively. And so what happens is that Christianity comes around and turns this completely on its head. It says, no, show her honor. She is a fellow heir of the grace of life. This is unthinkable in pagan Roman culture. That a woman would stand on equal footing with her husband to inherit all the grace that God has to give? That is revolutionary. We keep saying that. So again, don't... Don't kowtow to this nonsense that somehow Christianity is inherently oppressive to women. I mean, if you actually know the Roman culture, you definitely would not want to go back to that. Christianity exalts women. Christianity restores our view of who women are supposed to be, and the command here is to honor them. In this word honor, show her honor in 1 Peter. Is the word used in the New Testament noun form to speak of, to speak to the price of something or, or a sum of money. And the application is clear, men, that we are to prize our wives. We are to value them. We are to cherish and honor them. See, this is anything but oppression. We are able to view our wives the way that Christ views the church. We prize and honor our wives the way that Christ prizes and honors the church. Honor her as a fellow Arab. She stands to inherit everything you do as a Christian. That's why when the New Testament talks about inheritance, it says, sons of God. John 1.12, as many as received Him, to them He gave power to become the sons of God, even to them who believe on His name. Paul talks about that as well. That we are sons if we trust in Christ. That means even women, wives, are sons of God because they stand to inherit the kingdom alongside men on equal footing. Doesn't mean we're not different. Doesn't mean we each have our own place in the home. But before God, we are of equal value. Remember we talked about the gospel just completely crushes that enmity between men and women. The gospel exalts women. And so we do this. We honor them as fellow heirs of the grace of life. All that God stands to give us in Christ. I would say, in this life and the next. Because this is all grace, people. We are in the sphere of grace. So all that we stand to inherit, we stand to inherit together. And I would say, enjoy that grace together. Enjoy that grace with your wife. Don't leave her stranded. Don't leave her behind. Encourage her with that very truth and enjoy that grace together. Praise her, honor her. Acknowledge that before God, though you are both undeserving of God's salvation in Christ, you stand to gain and inherit all the benefits of His saving grace. So how can you then, understanding that, view your wife as inferior or as a second-class citizen? Not at all. Also, that your prayers are not hindered. And let me tell you, when it comes to marriage, you do not want to be a prayerless husband. A prayerless husband is an idle shepherd to his wife. But listen to this. Why will not knowing and honoring your wife hinder your prayers? A couple things before we close. When we live with our wives without knowledge, we will not know what to pray for, right? Know what your wife is going through so that you can pray strategically and specifically for her. That's part of persevering love. When you fail to acknowledge or know her, when you fail to acknowledge that she is a fellow heir of the grace of life, you will not seek the one who gives that grace. And your prayers will be stagnant and half-hearted. Thirdly, when you fail to live with your wife in an understanding way, God will withhold those blessings. And while salvation can never be forfeit, scripture is clear that God will withhold certain blessings and deliver discipline. So do not let your prayers be hindered because you are lacking in love for your wife. Persevere. Persevere in love. And I think one of the ways this comes through in a most profound way, we talk about love your wife in a persevering way, even if she is struggling with this or even if she's not this or not that. I think another thing to put in here is even if she's unbelieving, even if she does not know the Lord, Persevere in that love and through that dependence, through that trust in Christ, that she would see that. She would see Christ and she would see grace magnified in your life and so be drawn to the gospel. That is one of the most challenging things is to be in an unequally yoked marriage. But if you live with your wife with knowledge and understand that above all she needs Christ, you will persevere in love. So men, no matter how bleak it seems, no matter how hard it seems, no matter what the conflict, no matter when you think your wife may be mad at you if you say this and say that, I'm saying up here in reference to the Word of God, do not give up. Persevere. Endure. Be a faithful husband. Love your wife. Love her well. Love her in a persevering fashion. And honestly, in doing that, trust the Lord. Trust the Lord. Cast all your cares on Him, for He cares for you. And in due time, I believe He will bring about a fruitful harvest. He will bless you. He will bless your marriage as you seek to honor Him above all in loving your wife. So with that, we can bow our heads together in prayer. So let's do that together. Father, thank you again for your love and faithfulness. Again, there's probably so much more we could say, but we can table it for now, and we can trust in your providence, your sovereign grace in our lives, that you will help us as men to love our wives, to love them well, to persevere, even though there is conflict, even though there will always be challenges, that we would, Lord, not be embittered toward them when those challenges come up, but that we would be soft toward them, that our strength, while under your control, would would continue because it is a strength that comes from you, a strength that seeks peace, a strength that seeks reconciliation, strength that seeks forgiveness, strength that seeks to make the truth known. And Lord, however that is that is manifested. Lord, may we do it well. May we do it with excellence. May we not love our wives half-heartedly, but with a fullness of joy and commitment and to continue to press in. as we shepherd them. Lord, I do pray for any marriages out there today that are struggling. And sometimes it's a hard thing to admit, so we don't always have all the information and don't always know what's going on, but You do. And we can trust in that, that You are a faithful God who loves marriage, because You invented it. And that You want us to You want us as husbands to shepherd and cherish our wives, so please help us to do that, no matter what the circumstances, that You would give an extra measure of grace and help and comfort to those who are struggling, Lord, and to call them to look to You, to all of Your grace and to all of Your provision, that you can renew their marriage. So Lord, with that, we could commit all these things to you, to your care and to your power. And in this we pray, in Jesus' name, amen.