We'll begin again with Lecture 5. We are going to look at the husband's vow first. The husband vowed to meet the material needs of his wife. Parallel with that, the wife vows to make the home a refuge. So, this is Lecture 5 of the One Day Conference with the Navigator's Step in Nairobi, Kenya. Let's go to the Lord in prayer. Shall we? Lord, you've promised that your word will not go out and return void. You have drawn these couples here to study this topic. I pray, Lord, that your word would not go out and return void, that it would send roots downward and bear fruit upwards in their lives. In Christ's name we pray, amen. Great, let's look at this now. The husband vows to meet his wife's material needs. If the husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church, then those passages that deal with Christ's commitment to the church's well-being will also apply to the husband. The Word of God gives specific commands to the husband concerning his wife's material needs. In Ephesians 5.28, it says, some husbands ought also to love their own wives and their own body. He who loves his wife loves himself. Does it say in this passage, men, if you will, if you men will open up to Ephesians 5.28, please. Does it say that you are to place your wife's material needs above your own? Does it say that? What does it say, Alice? As you look at the passage, does it say you are to put your wife's material needs above your own? Does it say that? No, it doesn't say that. It doesn't say it's to be above your own. It says they are to love their own wives' bodies less than, equal to, or more than. Naftali? Equal to. So when you evaluate your spending, if your spending is up here for you and down here for your wife, then you come up and your wife comes down. But the commerce is also here, isn't it? What God is saying is that in the cure of your body, you need to make sure there is equality there. Now, I think the reason God the Holy Spirit addresses the issue of the husband over the wife, because husbands are notorious about spending an unequal amount of budget on them and their ministry, which should be going to the family. Most parachurch ministries and most church ministries have a ministry budget and a salary. If you are not 100% of budget, then how are you meeting your ministry needs? Are you reducing your salary to meet your ministry needs? Or are you raiding your salary? to meet your ministry needs. God says don't do that. God says be in 100% of budget so that your wife has a full budget to run the family on. to care for the children, to make provision, and then you have then your money to do the ministry with. But that presupposes you have something, doesn't it? That presupposes you have a budget. When I tell some people to be trusting and truthful, to meet with their wives and talk about the budget, a lot of times I find out they don't even have a budget. They haven't sat down and said, okay, in a given month, this is how much we need to feed, this is how much we need to clothe, this is how much we need for education, this is how much we need for travel. Because a lot of ministers live like hunter-gatherers. You know how that kind of gathering is living? You're out there and you stumble across a forest and it has nuts in it, and all of a sudden you have lots of nuts. Then you eat up all those nuts, and then they're gone, and then you go on. Then you stumble across a woolly mammoth, and you kill it. And then all of a sudden it's feast, and you all gorge yourself for a couple of days, and then the food's all gone, and you're hungry again. Then you wander along, and that's just how you live, feast and famine. That's how some Christian ministers live. You shouldn't live that way, though. The Bible says that's wrong. So you should have a budget with short and long-term planning. How are you going to end up with a car? Well, I'm just going to pray that somebody else who budgets and manages their money will give me their money to buy a car. Well, you can pray that. Or, you can get to 102% of budget and budget and manage your money, and buy your own car. You could also do that, couldn't you? You could do that. That's what we do. That's what you could do. You could do that. Supplying for your wife's material needs presupposes that you work harder, whatever career God has given you, to make the money. And you know, in my career as a ministry, but there has been times when I've held two ministry jobs. in order to make ends meet. Two and a half at times, working very, very hard. 1 Timothy 5a, but if anyone does not provide for his own, especially for those of his household, he is denied the faith. He is worse than an unbeliever. Do you believe that? You don't believe that verse if you are under 100% of legend. You don't think you have to provide for your household. Do you? Because if you thought you had to provide for your household, what would you do? Get up to budget. But since you don't think you have to provide for your household, you don't get up to budget. My son had a teacher, and on her desk was a sign. And it says, the sign said, I will always believe what you do. So you come up to the teacher and say, my dog ate my homework. What does she believe? You don't have a home like that. I didn't understand the question. What does she believe? You didn't do the question. She doesn't believe what we say. She believes what you do. That's what I believe about people in para-church organizations about their budgets. I always believe what they do. So if you run the budget, I believe that. That's what I believe. You are under budget. You don't have to be under budget, but you are. And I believe that. But I also believe that if you don't provide for your own, especially your own wife and your own children, you're worse than I believe. So I'll ask you, are you up to 110% of budget? Are you providing for your wife and children? No. I believe that. I believe, but, but, but, but, no those are just words. I'll always believe what you do. You know the NBC, are y'all familiar with the NBC churches here? Have you seen the buildings? Have you seen the budget? Have you seen how all my material they give? Have you seen all the schools? Have you seen that stuff? Have you seen those vans? Have you seen the physical structures? All those staff? All Kenyan money. I've asked. All Kenyan money. No Nsukas. Kenyan money. You see all these cars on the road? You know what that is? Kenyan money, isn't it? So there's Kenyan money out there, isn't there? So, God has made the provision. God has blessed this country. Tractor jams, buildings, everything. Take your money. So, if you're not up to a budget, it's not because not enough Mzungus are giving to you. It's because you're not out there hitting the bushes, presenting your ministry presentation clearly and effectively. So the people... No! These NPC churches, they're baptizing lots of people and have lots of converts, don't they? And they're Kenyans, aren't they? They're not Mzungus. What does that mean they're doing? They're out there witnessing, doesn't it? And they're raising support. What does that mean? They're out there raising support, aren't they? So do you have any converts? Are you witnessing? Are you at 110% budget? Are you raising support? I'll always believe what you do. 2 Thessalonians 3.10 For even when we were with you, we used to give you this order. If anyone will not work, neither let him eat. We don't pursue our hobbies at our wife's expense. I knew a man who always wanted to have a catfish party. He was in my Bible study. He quit a good paying job to have a catfish party. He lost everything. A catfish is like a tilapia. It's a fish. And he was going to have a fish restaurant. Good question. He wanted to have a fish restaurant. He wanted to sell fish. Well, what he should have done is started to cook fish and sell it on the side. And I always tell people, don't quit one job until you have another full-paying job. And while he worked at his first job, he should have slowly been working two jobs, which would have been very hard on him, and then quit one of his jobs. That's what I did. But instead of that, he just quit. And he lost everything. That's why I asked him to step out of Bible study. I just couldn't have a man in Bible study with me who wouldn't work and wouldn't provide for his family. He's worse than an unbeliever. I just couldn't train him as a disciple maker. I just wouldn't do it. I knew a guy in our church who had a great job as an engineer, but he always wanted to be a consultant, so he wouldn't have to report to anybody. So he started his consulting firm, and pretty soon all his savings was gone. Then he took out a double market mortgage on his house, and you know, just slowly, he lost everything, pursuing his hobby. Eleanor and I had a very close couple, had friends who were very close to us, and he quit his job because he didn't like it. He was looking for another job, and then pretty soon his wife had to leave and go live with her parents in Andover State. And I remember he called me one time, and he said, you know, And so I'm working at this pizza place, and I'm living in a little apartment above the store, and my wife's over here with her bags, and I'm just trying to decide what the Lord's will is. I was wondering if I could come over and talk to you. I said, hey, you know, we don't have to talk at all. You need to go right now and join the army. They'll give you a full-time paying job, move your wife back with you. You need to go right to work, right now, with a career-paying job. He was very upset with me. I said, hey, why should I counsel a man who's willing to live in a manner that's worse than a non-believer? You're not willing to work. You're not willing to assume your responsibilities. I can tell you right now, if I was you, I would be humiliated. I wouldn't be even ashamed to ask for counsel. When all I had to do was walk over to the military recruiting station, and I would have enough money that week to support my family. That's by American pay scale. But he wouldn't do it. Well, what are all these men? They're lazy, aren't they? What does the lazy man say? What's in the streets? Yeah! And they give you all the reasons people won't receive Christ, except the fact that they don't share Christ. They give you all the reasons people won't come to Bible study, except the fact that they won't invite people to Bible study. And they give you all the reasons they're not up to 110% of budget, except for the fact, from 8 to 5 every day, they're not working on that, don't they? All the reasons. Every night, they're not working on it. Because there's lions in the street, aren't there? See, the slugger will kill the prey, but he won't even cook it, will he? This lawyer will do the ministry, but he won't raise the board, because there's lions in the street. So we don't do that, do we? How you clothe your body versus how you clothe your wife's body. Ministers are notorious about this. They need suits. They need college clothes. They need Nike tennis shoes. They need, fill in the blank, whatever uniform you need for the ministry. But when's the last time your wife had any nice clothes, any new clothes? Well, a lot of guys say, well, you know, we just spin it as we need it. Well, I know how that works. That means your wife always comes up on the short end of the stick, if you just spin it as you need it. Your wife always comes up short on that, doesn't she? Unless there's a budget, the sacrificial person always loses out, don't they? So that's why you have to have a budget, guys. When we talk about a truthful, trusting relationship, one of the reasons you have to have a budget is to protect your wife from her own sacrificial nature. So then you know how much money is going for your stuff and for her stuff, don't you? That's the way you know that. Office supplies versus kitchen supplies. You have a laptop. Well, what's your wife's stove look like? Your laptop costs 600 bucks. How much did your wife's stove cost? You have a shower system. What does your wife's kitchen look like? Just reflect. What does your office budget, what does your ministry budget look like, versus what does your wife's homemaking budget look like? Do you do business lunches? Do you eat lunch with students on campus? Do you eat lunch with businessmen? Fine. How many times does your wife eat out with you? How many times does that occur? How much does she get out to eat with each of her lunches? getting out to eat. Are you taking care of her? Is this something of equity? Eleanor and I had a working lunch every Thursday. That's so on our date night we have a date every Saturday night. Thursday working lunch, Friday night family night, Saturday night date night. The reason our date night was fun was because Thursday we got all the business taken care of. Otherwise on your date night all you do is talk business. One of the things I decided to do was find out that if I could fulfill the commands of God concerning home and family in 1 Timothy 3 and in Titus and still do the ministry. I decided I would find that out. Could I qualify scripturally as a minister? and make a living at it. That's what I decided to do. I've been doing the ministry about, what, three years? When we made that decision. I was burning the candle at both ends, exhausted, broke, and I stopped and I said, you know, there's no future right now in this. I've got to find out. Can I be full-time in the ministry and fulfill the qualifications of 1 Timothy 3? In other words, can I be full-time in the ministry and not steal? Can I be full-time in the ministry and be sober? Well, I knew I could do those things. Could I be full-time in the ministry able to teach? I knew I could do that. Could I be full-time in the ministry and have a good reputation? Yes, I knew I could do that. Could I be full-time in the ministry and have believing children? Question mark. Could I be full-time in the ministry and be the husband of one wife, not drive my wife away? Could I be full-time in the ministry and raise my children in discipline and admonition of the Lord? Could I be full-time in the ministry and have my children under control? Could I be full-time in the ministry and have my house a place of dignity? The reason those were question marks is I wasn't coming home at night. So what I decided to do was adjust my ministry calendar so that I was home enough to fulfill those mandates. And then I decided to find out if I could be full-time in the ministry. If I didn't have the gifts and calling and capacity to be a minister in accordance with the Word of God, I didn't want to be one. But I was able to. That was in 1979, 1980. This is 2009. That was 29 years ago. Wow. 29 years ago. So I could do it. But if you can't do it, you shouldn't do it. If you can't do the ministry without stealing, you shouldn't do the ministry. If you can't do the ministry without getting drunk, you shouldn't do the ministry. If you can't do the ministry without squandering your reputation, you shouldn't do the ministry. If you can't do the ministry without compromising on some doctrine, and some people can't. You shouldn't do it. If you can't do the ministry and be the husband of one wife, you shouldn't do it. If you can't do the ministry and have believing children, you shouldn't do it. If you can't do the ministry and have your children under control, you shouldn't do it. If you can't do the ministry without having your home a place of dignity, you shouldn't do it. You shouldn't do it. Those are the qualifications in 1 Timothy 3. I've left out a couple. but I've given you the majority of it. So I decided, I made a checklist of those things, and I decided for as long as I was doing the ministry that I would either qualify or be disqualified by the word of God, not by man. Because people will be glad, my first supervisor and regional director in the Navigators was a drunk. You can be given a position in a ministry and be a drunk. My first supervisor in the Navigators had unbelieving children. My first state director. You can have a position in a church or Christian organization and have unbelieving children. My first direct supervisor in the Navigators was a homosexual pedophile. Ended up in prison. You can receive ministry positions apart from the qualifications of God. The list goes on. But I decided that irrespective of what job man was going to give me, I was going to qualify by the Word of God. I was going to stand or fall by the plumb line of the Word of God, not by man. And so I did. It's an important decision to find out. It's an important decision to find out. So, you commit yourself to meeting your wife's material needs. Transportation is another issue. Transportation. Some cultures, there's enough prosperity in that culture for families to have two cars. We've been blessed to live in that culture. But Eleanor always had the nicer car because she had the children in it, so safety was an issue. For a large part of our marriage, we have one car, at which case Eleanor drove me to campus and dropped me off and kept the car. Because she needed it. Because she needed it for the children. We lived in Russia for a year. They had excellent public transportation. We didn't have a car. But I always made sure that she had the finances to take the cab if she needed to go someplace. Or to take the subway that she wasn't out walking in the streets in the rain. To take the bus. That was my responsibility. So you have to recognize your transportation versus her transportation. Your clothing versus hers. Your ability to go out for lunch, to go to conferences, to go out of town, to travel versus hers. Your office materials, your ministry supplies versus her kitchen, her bathroom, her bedroom, her living room. These things have to come up to equal. That's the command of God. The question is, if you don't want to meet that need, who do you want to meet it? That's a good question, isn't it? Who do you want to meet it? You start to go out to church and you notice your wife has a new coat on. Of course, you haven't made provision in the budget to heat up the budget for years, so you can't even remember when you bought your wife a new coat. Where'd you get that? Oh, on the beacons at church. He's been kind of looking after me. He bought it for me. Are you happy? You're having to stay over for church, and this deacon's going to drive her home in his car, so she doesn't have to take the bus. And on the way home, he's going to stop at the Yahya Center, and they're going to have lunch at the Jabba, at the Yahya. And he's going to take her over to Kazuri Beads, and let her buy some nice jewelry, and then pick up some groceries for her, and they're just going to spend the afternoon together. And then he's going to drive her home and help her unpack the groceries. Are you happy? Of course, you learn how to budget. You can't do any of those things for her, can you? But you don't want anybody else doing them for her either, do you? Say, well, John, that's just one of the sacrifices of an industry. Well, it's not, because you do have a budget. You could play that card for me if your budget was lower. If you're at 100% of budget or 110% of budget, and you're living at the standard of living you are, then you can play that card. If you're not, you can't play that card on me. But nevertheless, you just want to lie, so you just say, well, that's the sacrifice of the ministry. I'm just going to erase this. OK, what does she get to erase? You come out. Come on out. You take it, erase one. Then I give to your wife, which one do you want her to erase? Okay, fine, Alex, you come up, you erase one, and then you erase one. Isn't that going to be a fun marriage? You don't like the one she erases, so you erase another one. Oops, now she gets to erase another one. It's going to be a great marriage, isn't it? So you don't want to do that. You don't want other people doing this. But you don't want to do it. But gentlemen, there are men out there and their antennas are out. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep of neglect, because their husbands won't get up to bite them. And they see that look, and they see how those women respond when even the smallest nice thing is done and said to them. And you've made your wife very, very vulnerable. Don't do that. Don't do that. Well, what about the wife? She's going to make the home a refuge, and the best she can with your income, isn't she? She's going to make the home a refuge. Now, when Eleanor and I were married, we decided that she wouldn't work, she would stay home with the children until all the children were in school all day. There's nothing in the Bible that says a woman has to stay home, watch TV, and get that while the kids are away all day. But while she was at home, we made that decision. We made it together. And I praised God for a wife who embraced that ministry. She homeschooled. She advanced them in their culture, in their spirituality, in their intellectual development, in their sophistication. She more than prepared them for school and advanced them in their school career. So did we have that first 17 years of our marriage, did we have as much money as our friends whose wives worked? No, we didn't, did we? That's just a fact. A businessman told me, well John, if your wife is not going to work, keep this in mind, two can live as cheap as one, half as long. Our friends were buying houses, we didn't have a house. Our friends were buying new cars, we didn't have one. New cars. Our friends were living in a nice section of town. We weren't. We weren't living in a nice section of town. Our friends were sending their kids to private schools. We weren't. Just couldn't afford it. There's all sorts of things we didn't have. But Eleanor always made the home a refuge for me based on what we did have. And that is as much spiritual and emotional, ladies, as it is material. It's as much spiritual. Our children never missed what they didn't have because I came home at night and Eleanor was there. That's true wealth for children, a happy marriage with parents on site. They just thought they were as rich as could be. Well, what is not a home that's a refuge? Sometimes it's as easy to look at what something isn't as it is. One thing is, this is not a refuge. Proverbs 7-11, she is voiceless, she is rebellious, her feet do not remain at home. So, a wife who is loud, who is rebellious, who's not there. A home is not a refuge when you come home to a dark home with a yellow sticky note on the refrigerator telling you what to heat up. That's not a refuge for a man, is it? A home, and this is also not a home, that's a refuge. Howdy! That's not a refuge. That's not a refuge. When I would come home I felt like the king of a castle. Eleanor would have the kids all ready for me. They would run up and hug me. She would be cooking, but she would have taken time off to make herself look pretty for me. She would embrace me and kiss me. She knew that I just needed a little unwinding time. She would have my favorite little cup of tea or glass of milk and a little snack for me, and I'd get to unwind a little bit before I went to work with the kids and help around the house. I looked forward to it. I had to make myself stay at work because it was such a joy coming home to Ellen. But I know men who work late simply because they don't want to come home to a nagging, boisterous wife who may not even be there. Why come home to an empty house? She's too busy with the ladies' prayer meeting, and the ladies' Bible study, and she's more interested in ministering to women than her own husband. There's something wrong there, isn't there, ladies? If you get more excited to ministering to women than your husband, that's more than a spiritual issue. You've got some personal problems. That's true. That's just like men. Men, if you're more excited about staying late on campus with a bunch of kids, college kids, than coming home to your wife and her warm embrace, that's more than a spiritual issue with you. You have personal emotional problems. That's just a fact. So, we come home to our wives, but it's a refuge that we come home to. The wise woman builds her house. The foolish woman tears it down. I'm just a rental home. I'm not going to fix up this hallway. It's going to fall down around me. Well, no, Eleanor was never like that. We lived, I'd say, for about the first third of our marriage, we lived in rental homes. And she always fixed them up so nice, I never knew it was a rental home. We lived in Dallas. Austin, Dallas, College Station, Dallas, Dallas. Five rental homes, didn't we? Five different rental homes. Oh, Houston. Houston. Seven rental homes in our marriage. Two can live as cheap as one, half as long. I never knew they were rental homes. I never even thought of them as rental homes. They were my refuge that she made for me. They were my refuge that she made. It is better to live in a corner of a roof than with a contentious woman. You know what a contentious woman is? It's a woman who's always challenging you and arguing with you. That's a contentious woman. It's not that big a deal, is it, that you have to be right? You have to be right? Once you say, why don't I ever get to be right, that tells me there's something wrong right there, isn't there? That means you're keeping count. Why are you keeping count? Now, if your husband wants to prostitute you, I think that's a real issue, don't you? If your husband wants you to sell drugs, I think you've got a real issue right there. I think you should speak right up. Is that what the problem is in your home? If your husband wants to sell your children into slavery, I think, you know, if your husband wants to beat you, if your husband wants to move in a live-in mistress or take a mistress, I think those are real issues, aren't they? No? Don't you think those are real issues? Yeah, but, you know, Chipake versus Zazali, I'm not sure that's quite an arguing deal, is it? Is it? Is that really an arguing deal? And that's what most of the bickering that a contentious woman has is over issues like that, isn't it? How does it come in 15 minutes late, 30 minutes late? Doesn't matter, does it? Doesn't matter he's been working hard all day? None of that matters. The only thing that matters is that you have now to stick to poking with. Well, don't do that. I don't know why he doesn't come home more. I don't get to poking him as much with this stick as I used to. Used to, he'd come home every night. He'd poke, poke, poke at the dinner table, poke him when he walked in the door, poke him at the dinner table, and then get in bed with me. And I'd just give him a few more pokes. It was a lot of fun. But now he just didn't come home. If I don't keep that stick like at church, I can get to poke him. I poke him some at church. And then at staff meetings, I can poke him a little bit and administer activities. But he's gone so much as I just don't get to poke him like I used to. I wonder why. Why do you think that is? Why is that? That's a shame, isn't it? Isn't it a shame? What a refuge is. She does him good and not evil all his life. My wife told you some ways to be good to your husband, didn't she? Do you have any intention of doing that? Do you? Three good deeds a week is break-even, ladies. That's it. Otherwise, your husband's in pain. She does him good all her day. But cooking what he wants to drink, isn't that being good? Isn't that something you can do for him? cooking what he likes to eat. Do you do him good? You know what doing him evil is? Making him eat his own food up, just like he was a single man. That's doing him evil. She does him good all her days, wearing clothing for him, not for yourself. What do you want to dress for women in the church for? Do you care what they do? Do you really? Don't you want to dress for your husband? Wear your hair? A woman's hair is her glory. Is it harder or easier to have short hair? It's easier, isn't it? Just cut all your hair off. That's easy, isn't it? Isn't that easy? That's evangelical pragmatism. Whatever is easiest is God's will. But that's not what the Bible says. The Bible says a woman's hair is her glory. And I know it's harder. But you still do it for Him. Don't you? I'll tell you, when you're riding in the car on the way to church, and somebody's behind you, and all they can see is your head up above the headrest, it's sin if they don't know who is the man and who is the woman. Which one's driving that car? I often think that. A woman's hair is her glory. Do you do Him good? Do you think about Him? Your makeup, your jewelry, your clothing, the home, Do you think about that? Do you do him good or evil? You know, I know some women who purposefully don't do those things to give it their husbands. That's doing him evil, isn't it? Well, he doesn't do it. Well, making the home a refuge is not earned, it's given. God is our refuge, isn't he? Is God our refuge? Ladies, have you earned that? Did you earn that? No. No, you didn't earn it. It's simply given, and you're making the home a refuge. Now, by God's grace, I'm exhorting women, and I don't know anything about your budget. Dr. McCullough would never tell me anything about it. Jemima or Mary would never express that to me. I have been out of the office of the Advocate for Staff for eight years. I have no idea what you guys are pulling in. But I sure hope I'm not exhorting your wives to make your home a refuge when you're not even willing to give up to 100% of budget for them. Bricks without straw doesn't cut it, guys. Now, they need to do it anyways. And I confess, there were times when I was lazy and didn't get up to budget. And Eleanor made do. But those days are long over. I repented of that sin. Those days are long gone. I worked two jobs before doing that. I repent it. She opens her mouth in wisdom. The teaching of kindness is on her tongue. Eleanor is always so kind to me. The whole world beats up your husband, ladies. It's great indoor sport for Satan. He's the accuser. And he stands there accusing your husband to himself and to God. He needs a fan. He needs someone to come home to that will be kind to him with her tongue. And that's you. And if you do know something he doesn't know, then you'll do it with kindness. With kindness. She, 3115, she rises while it is night and gives food to her household. While I'm here, not only sometimes I'm up at 445 in the morning to get to my men's Bible study, and now when she's up, I have a hot meal every morning. She doesn't have to get up that early, does she? But she rises while it is dark night, she gives food to her household, She, Proverbs 31, 27, she looks well to the ways of her household. She does not eat the bread of idleness. And that is a hard worker. She does. She always does. She worked hard at raising the children. She worked hard at helping me in the ministry. She travels. She bites jet lag. She lives in other countries. She gets sick to her stomach. You know, we live a relatively rough and temple life, not in terms of our own aggressiveness, but you know, the world kind of beats you up when you're moving around like we do. Six or seven weeks in Nairobi, then up to St. Petersburg in Russia, then over to Tumen, Siberia, then back to St. Petersburg, and then back home, and then down to Kiev, then over to Minsk, and then over to Moscow, and back to St. Petersburg, and out again to Siberia, and then back home. That's hard work. That's a hard lifestyle. But Eleanor is my helpmate and companion. And wherever we live, whether it's a little apartment, a little seminary dorm room, wherever, whether it's out here at this conference center, she will be there making where I am a refuge for me. Can I pray stop for a wife who does that? I'm not going to go on your Africa with you. You can go on your Africa. I'm going to stay here with the grandchildren. You want to live in a home? You can stay here. You can go on. I'm not going to go down. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to eat all that strange food, get bit by those bugs. I'm not going to get sick to my stomach. You can come on back when you want to. I'm not going with you. You know, a lot of women say, I'm not going to sit on that plane forever. 20 hours of getting barricaded with varicose veins? I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to have jet lag. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to go on the meat-based dysentery diet, you know, just to lose a little weight. I'm not going to do that. You go on and do that. I'll be here when you get back. And women say that to their husbands, don't they? They do. They have no intention of going. But now my wife, everywhere I go, when my ministry day is over, There is a refuge waiting for me, a kind, loving wife who's waiting there for me. And every ministry endeavor I'm involved in, I have a helpmate and companion who keeps me going. And I praise God for that. And I covet that for your husbands, ladies. I do covet that for them. That when they're 57, and a grandfather of 5, and they've got a few miles on them, that they're able to go a few more, because you have been there by their side. And so they're younger than their years, because you've been a helpmate, a companion, and a refuge. and the sexual temptations that so many men are wrapped with, because they are lucky to get exciting sexual fulfillment once or twice a month. I pray that your husbands, they just don't have any dry left. You're taking it all. And I pray that all those women out in the church who have their feelers out, that are looking for some spiritual leader, and to tender to his pride, and to get up and be led by him spiritually. I pray that there is no room for that woman in your husband's life, because you are there. There's no vacuum there, because you're there. So gentlemen, we pledge to meet our wife's material needs to be 110% of budget. And even if she takes advantage of us, even if she's a poor steward, you still are doing that. Because God doesn't bless you because you're such a great steward, does he? He blesses you because He loves you. And if you love your wife the way Christ loves the Church, you'll be an open book to her financially. And if she takes advantage of that, you'll love her anyways. Just like, even though you don't have a good budget, and you haven't been a good steward of God's resources, Likewise, lady, I pray for you that your husband's home, whether it's a dorm room, or a conference center, or an apartment, or a house, wherever it is in this country or another country, I pray for you that it will always be a refuge for him. And ladies, if he's not up to 110% of budget, that he hasn't been the provider he should be, you still need to make that home a refuge, because you don't do all you should for God either, do you? But God has always been your refuge, and you should always be His. Lord, we thank you for this time together, and we pray you will bless our marriages. In Christ's name we pray.