I want to begin this evening by reading the scriptures from Genesis chapter two. So this is a familiar passage, but let's give heed again and listen again to the word of the living God. Genesis chapter two, and Yahweh God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. Out of the ground, Yahweh God formed every beast of the field, every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him. And Yahweh God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which Yahweh God had taken from man, he made into a woman and he brought her to the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. And that is the word of the Lord. Let's pray. Father, we give you thanks again for your word and how you're faithful to teach us through it. And we pray that you will grant us your spirit as you said you would. Come and teach us and help us to understand so that we can be conformed to the image of your glorious and beloved son, even Jesus our Lord, in whose name we pray. Amen. I tell you, I get more and more concerned about your sanctification living in this weather. This is just in the South Sea. God chastens us from June through about October with heat. This is not heat up here. I mean, how do you ever learn to be fearful of hell? We know that down south. No, no, no, it's hot in August. All I have to do witnessing is, man, think about eternal August. Okay, well, I'll pray for you and get everybody down south to pray for you. This is not right or normal up here. The last half of the 20th century and the opening years of the 21st century have seen a rather alarming rise in immorality, and not surprisingly, a corresponding rise in the divorce rate. Never has marriage been more despised and disregarded, it seems. Men and women disdain marriage and simply move in together. And they look at you dumbfounded if you say, have you been married? And they go, what's the point? I mean, what's good as a piece of paper? The only people that seem to be concerned about marriage are sodomites. They are very interested in it. But the rest of the world really doesn't seem to care all that much. Many have come to the conclusion that marriage is dead as a social institution. But as Peter Lightheart has pointed out, he said the attack on marriage is not really the fundamental problem. He said marriage is dying because we have forgotten that marriage is always preeminently and inescapably about dying. Now, so that's where I get the idea, and a great deal, I don't know how much of the content of this is from Peter, but a lot of it probably, and a lot of it's probably from John, and John, and Dennis, and who knows all, I don't know. But the point is, that's a great point that we need to realize. Marriage is dying because we've forgotten that marriage is preeminently about dying. that's really what we learn from the first marriage in the history of the world as it is recorded for us in Genesis chapter 2. Remember what God did after He said, it's not good for Adam to be alone. He put him into a deep sleep. And that word really is used in other places in the Old Testament to talk about death. Adam goes into a death-like sleep. It's as if he died. Not literally, of course, but he goes into a death-like condition. Adam dies in a very real sense to what he had been up to that point, to his old life. And while he's in that condition, the Lord took one of Adam's sides and closed up the flesh in its place, and from that he built a woman. And I want us to look at this a bit. Commonly, when you speak about the woman being created from one of Adam's, and even the translation, I'd forgotten that the translation that I was using, this is New King James, it actually says rib. Well, the word there is really not rib, but side. And it's important because that word is used to describe the side of a building or the side of a mountain. The woman was bone of Adam's bone, true enough, but she was also flesh of Adam's flesh. And what God apparently did was just take out. a piece of Adam's side. Now I don't exactly know what he did, but the question we would have is why did God create the woman this way? He didn't create other female animals this way, not that she's an animal, but he didn't create the other things this way. Why would he do it this way rather than some other way? Why didn't he just create her out of the dust of the ground like he did Adam? Well, there are probably a number of answers to that, but let's just consider a few of them. God forms the woman from man because he wants the human race to come from not two independent sources but one single source. The woman is taken from the man and after that all men come from the marital union of man of Adam and Eve. coming into the world specifically through the woman, but the human race then is interdependent, men and women depending on each other, but all of us coming from one source, Adam himself. Eve comes from Adam, all of us descending from Adam and Eve come really, we see, from a fountainhead, which is Adam. Adam is gonna be the head, the source of the whole human race, just as he is the head of his wife. And that means that what Adam does is going to affect his wife as well as all of his descendants. There's a uniqueness then to Adam's headship that no other man can have. There's an aspect to Adam's headship that none of the rest of us can imitate. It's unique. but there's also something held in common with other men and that's what we see in the rest of Genesis 2. God brings the woman to the man and the man clings to his wife and the two become one flesh. Now of course that doesn't mean that Eve loses her identity in Adam, rather it alludes to this new reality. Adam by being joined to his wife has become something gloriously new. Just like everybody is going to be after death comes resurrection in our story, that's our story, that's the story of the world. And so you change, you become something new. And so Adam, after his death, his death-like sleep, has come alive now in a new and glorious existence. He now has been completed and glorified by being bound to his wife. the helper that corresponds to him. And this is the second thing that's signified by the fact that Eve was formed from Adam's side. And a lot of people have noticed this down through history. The medieval theologian Peter Lombard explained it this way. He said, the woman was created not just from any part of the man's body, but from his side. This was to demonstrate that she was made for loving communion with him. She was not taken from his head, that she might rule over him, or from his feet, that she might be his servant. And later on, Matthew Henry, you may have read this in Matthew Henry's commentary, but he says something very similar. He says, not out of his head to top him, not out of his feet to be trampled upon him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved. Now, that may sound corny to you, but really, Peter Lombard and Matthew Henry are taking God seriously at this point because, you see, you have to ask the question, well, why didn't he create Eve out of a bone in Adam's head? I mean, all men have bones in their head. There's a lot of spare bones up there, so. You could have taken one of the bones out of his head. Why didn't he do that? Or why didn't he take a bone out of his foot, or leg, or something? Why did he take the side? I mean, you see, they're taking that and they're saying, look, there's got to be a reason. There's got to be a reason that God does these things and the reason why we're told these things. You see, we didn't have to know that. If it's not significant, God could have left it out easily. But you see, God's actions are not arbitrary. They're grounded in his wisdom, and they're intended to teach us. They do symbolize things he wants us to learn. And God could have formed Eve in any number of ways, but he didn't. He chose to form her out of Adam's side. And that does indeed signify a number of things, as Peter Lombard and Matthew Henry and many others have pointed out. Her position is one of equality, of companionship. Adam's headship will not be about control or forcibly causing submission. It's not about power or the ability to coerce obedience or exercise a tyrannical domination over her. Rather, it's going to center around companionship, about two lives being bonded together in love, a man and a woman who stands by his side and with him. She must be at his side to share his nature and station if she is to be his helper. She must be at his side if he's to love her and provide for her and protect her. In other words, exercise his headship appropriately. And notice further here that we're told that God built the side which he had taken from the man into the woman. You miss that in many, many translations. I don't know if you have a better translation, but it just says that, it says the rib which Yahweh God had taken from the man he made into a woman. And you could get the impression, well, it's another part, it's the same word that he used when he made the heavens and the earth, or he created things. But actually, here again, we have a different word used. And it's significant, it's a significant word, because the word that is translated made, or sometimes formed, is actually an architectural word. It's a word used to describe the building of a house, or the building of a city. In fact, the next time you hear this word, it's in Genesis 4, and it refers to Cain building a city and so this points us to something else that's significant about this creation of Eve. In the scriptures there's connection between buildings and people and you see it over and over again. The theme starts here in Genesis 2 and it runs through the rest of the scripture so you find For example, that the temple is described, not in architectural language, but in the language of the human body. So you have the sides, the face of the temple, the sides of the temple, the legs. The temple is God's house, but it represents God's people who are God's bride, and so it's described as if it's actually a body, a human body. And that points us forward to the New Jerusalem, when God and man are united as husband and wife in the same tent, in the same city. Revelation 21, John sees that holy city, he says the New Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven, and he says it is prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. This is the church, it's not heaven. You talk about all the pearly gates and the streets of gold, that's the New Jerusalem, but that's the church. When you get to heaven, I don't know whether it'd be pearly gates or not, but the Bible doesn't tell us about pearly gates in heaven. It talks about pearly gates in the church, streets of gold of the church. And so we are walking. in that beautiful city now. It doesn't look that glorious to us now, but it will be one day. And that's the church. But it's a bride adorned for her husband. The city is like the bride. And later in the same chapter, the angel actually says, I will show you the bride, the Lamb's wife. And he shows John the great city, the holy Jerusalem. The bride is the city that's been built throughout the ages to be a glorious temple, garden temple city. It is the body of Christ. And this helps us see what's going on here in Genesis 2. It isn't just a marriage of a particular man, a particular woman. And truthfully, no marriage is ever a matter merely that affects two individuals. And that's why it's always to be public, you see. It's a public action because every marriage changes the world. It just changed you. but it changes everything around us. And so there's no, no marriage is ever insignificant. But this one especially is not. This marriage is designed as a symbol of something much bigger than itself, just like marriage itself. Marriage signifies the relationship of Jesus with his bride, the church. And that's the thing that's emphasized over and over throughout the Bible. We've gotta keep that in our minds because of the- I mentioned some of these things whenever, I forget. I don't know when it was, but it was sometime this week, Sunday maybe, I think. But you say, well, look, brother, it's only Monday. What's your problem? I got big problems, brother. I can't remember. I think it was Sunday. But yeah, there are a lot of things that this signifies. And we have to keep in mind that, yeah, what we're doing here is bigger than us. It is for the world. And we have to know that. But the Bible emphasizes that over and over again. And notice also that God brings the woman to Adam. It doesn't say when Adam woke up there was a woman there. What do you know? Hey, what are you doing here? It doesn't say that. It says God brought her to the man. So God formed the woman away from Adam and he then, when Adam wakes up, he then escorts her to Adam. And that ought to remind you of something. That's exactly what we do in wedding ceremonies, right? The father brings the bride to the groom. And here the father brings the bride down the garden aisle to the bridegroom. And there's a way in which we actually simulate that in wedding ceremonies, don't we? We put shrubbery and flowers and all that, and the father brings his daughter down to meet her husband. And that's why we do it, you see. When that happens, it is signifying not only the fact that an earthly father is delivering his daughter to her future husband, but even more, the earthly father signifies the fact that it is God the true and ultimate father, God, who brings us our wives. And that's the case every time there is a marriage, and it's essential for husbands to remember this if they're to exercise proper headship over their wives. God is the one who has given you your bride. A good wife is a gift from the Lord, is the way it's put. God is the one, it wasn't just Adam who had a wife prepared for him. Every man who gets married goes through, in a sense, the same experience. The father brings the woman that he has prepared for you. And so it's ultimately God who brings you, your wife, and it's God who joins you together in marriage. That's what we say, right, in the ceremony. Now whom God has joined together, quoting Jesus, let no man put asunder. God is the one who creates the marriage. He is the one who makes you husband and wife. And so God joins Adam and the woman and God has joined you and your wife or your husband so that you would not be alone and so that together you can be one, you can be whole in a way that you aren't by yourself. You become a new person. You become, you basically go through a death and you're resurrected into something, something new. And he does this not only for your good, not only for your happiness, not only for your enjoyment, not only for your pleasure, but for the good of the world, which is why you invite your friends. One of the reasons why you invite your friends and your friends come and we all rejoice with you because God willing, this is all going to do us good. Your marriage is going to enrich the world. That's the plan. And all of us get to rejoice in that because we are being enriched just as you are being enriched. So God put Adam to death so that he could obtain an even more glorious existence. And we learn from this, if you want a bride, you want a glorious bride and a joyful marriage, you have to die. You have to lay down your life. and die, pour yourself out, give yourself and your time and your energy and your money, give up your self-sufficiency and your self-centeredness and die. That's how you get a glorious wife. And notice further, Up to this point, Adam has been completely silent and it's interesting that so far in Genesis, God has spoken 12 times and Adam has not said a word, at least nothing recorded. He doesn't speak when God creates him. He doesn't speak when God plants the garden. He doesn't speak when God gives him his mandate and warns him not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. He doesn't speak until he's raised up from this death-like condition, and he sees the father bringing him his bride, and then it's almost like he can't contain himself anymore. You know, he's gotta do something. But he doesn't merely speak. And he doesn't merely quote poetry, he sings. And that's what you have here, really, a song. And the song goes like this. This one, this time, is bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh. This one will be called woman because from man was taken this one. He breaks into song, and you can hear something of the poetry in that, but the question is, why would Adam do that, not just speak, but actually sing? And of course, you see, prose is fine. It's adequate. It does the job. You know, just talking straight on. But if I put it in poetry, what I've done is glorify the prose. Poetry is glorified prose. And then if I sing it and put it into a melody, then I've glorified the poetry. Singing becomes the highest form and the most glorious form then of communication. It's art. It's more than is necessary. And love provokes you to do more than is necessary. Love provokes art. And that's why we have it. love produces art it pushes you to do more than just the minimum which is why you know your wife doesn't just throw a couple paper plates well every now and then you eat off paper plates but you know if it's something really special you just throw a couple paper plates and then put the salad on there and then put the mashed potatoes on top of that and then put gravy on top of that and then throw a piece of chicken and mash it all down on top of that and then put peas on top and say now you want some carrots here's some carrots for you and it's a and you have this nasty looking pile of stuff on top of a paper plate. That's not the way you eat. I hope, I hope if it, you know, if it is, let's talk, okay? No, you don't eat like that. I saw a guy eat like that once. I promise you, you don't want to do that stuff. Oh, it was terrible. But that's not the way you do it. She does, but you see, what is it? Hey man, it's food. It's all going in the same place. Come on, shovel that stuff down, man. Don't worry about it. Why is that not appetizing to you? Why is it that that's not the way you want to eat? It's because instinctively, you know, look, man, if there's love here, if there's care, if you really do care about people, you want this not only to be useful and practical and helpful, you want to be beautiful. Because love provokes you to do more than the bare necessities. And so your wife, well, all right, personally, my wife gets, what, 8,000 sets of dishes. I don't know how many, but it's a lot. And we, you know, she'll bring it out and go, look at this, new dishes. No, we've had those 35 years. Well, new dishes to me. I forgot them. But the point is they bring out the good stuff and put it all in there and put it in great formation and color coordinated and all the rest. And it's just outstanding. Tastes good too, which is the best. But the reason why you do that is because that's the way love is. That's the way things work. Love provokes art. Love provokes you to dress up for formal occasions that are important. And you see your dress does indicate how important you see things to be. So that this is pretty sad as it is right now, isn't it? Well, what it is? Well, this is a camp. So yeah, we come really informally and it's fun and this is the way it should be. Nothing inappropriate coming in shorts and t-shirts to this. But when you go to important occasions, you show by the way you dress the idea that you have of the importance of it. So when you go to a wedding, Normally, you dress for the wedding. Now, I understand that around the country, this is not being done anymore. And that, I think, tells you the selfishness of our people. The only thing people care about is being comfortable. And that's very self-centered. See, in the old days, nobody liked to wear ties, either, then. They still didn't like buttoning this top button. It still was uncomfortable. It aggravated them. But you know what? They did it every Sunday. And they did it on special occasions because they knew this is something important. And no, I don't dress like this every day, but this is important. And I want to show that I think it's important for their sake and for God's sake. I don't live for my comfort. And I don't dress for my comfort. You don't dress for yourself, you dress for others. Right? You show your respect for others. I grew up, I was in college in 1968. So I know about why we dressed the way we dressed. It was very clear. There was a certain kind of uniform we all had to wear. And the reason we dressed that way is because we wanted you and anybody who saw us to know we didn't give about you. We didn't care what you thought. Go to, we don't care what you think. And that was why we dressed like that. Because we didn't care about you. And we wanted you to know it by us not having to say a word. So we dressed like we dressed. And guess why people dress like that now? They only care about themselves. They don't care about you. Worship, I don't care about that. I want to be comfortable all the time. Come on. You can't expect me to dress up for worship. You can't expect me to dress up for a wedding. You can't expect me to dress up for a funeral. Really? Okay, alright. That's not the way God's called us to live, you understand. You don't live for yourself and you don't die to yourself. You live for others. And we've got to regain some of this respect for other people that is shown by the way you dress. It is shown by that. It's not the only thing and it's not the most important thing. Don't become a Pharisee about it, but understand how significant it is. It is very important because God says so. He gets special dress for different things. And it's important that we recognize the significance of this. Dress is always symbolic. That's a whole other deal, but it's something that you have to remember because when we love one another, we care about what we are doing and not only what we say, but the impression we're giving. And you're always speaking, you're always sending a message. You're always sending a message about what you think about the world, by the way you carry yourself, by the way you dress, by the way you greet people and say things. Okay, well, so the language of love then is not just speaking softly in somebody's ear. It's speaking poetry, and even more, it's singing a song. Adam is filled with joy and excitement and romance, and that becomes the pattern for all marriages, all faithful, godly marriages. Everybody knows that we have passion and thrills and chills, and especially when you first get married, the chills are great and the passion is wonderful and hot and all that. We love it. But those are early expressions of love. They are fiery and explosive, but they're not the normal, settled love that comes over time, and deeper, deeper love that comes over time. And remembering again what Chesterton said that I quoted this morning, there's a great benefit to that, not diminishing that at all. But this reality ought not to mean that mature love loses a sense of deep romance. And that's the thing that we need to remember, too. Yeah, it's different. It's not the same. It can't be the same. It'd be weird if it was the same, really. That's not normal. But romance is different. And I've got somewhere along the way this week, I want to talk about romantic love a little bit. But romance is different, and romance ought to remain. Yeah, it's not white hot passion, but it is deep and abiding, and it's something that is transforming. Adam is filled with real romantic love, and he is filled with joy and excitement, and he sings as a result. The fireworks and the sparks and the explosions may not be quite so violent as time goes on, but they usually settle down to more manageable levels. But joy and delight and romantic love ought to remain and deepen, and that's the thing. that we need to maintain ourselves. Marriage is to signify, then, the relationship that exists between Christ and the church. And that means, among other things, that our marriage ought to be filled with the same sort of deep romance that Christ has for the church. You say, oh my word, I can't believe you said that. Well, I think I've got a reason to say that. Think about again, I know this was on Sunday, Isaiah 62, where God addresses his people and says, you shall no longer be termed forsaken, nor shall your land anymore be named desolate, but you shall be called Hephzibah. and your land, Beulah, for Yahweh delights in you, and your land shall be married. For as a young man marries a virgin, so shall your sons marry you. And as a bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so shall your God rejoice over you." God says, this is the way I view you. I rejoice over you just like a bridegroom on his wedding night rejoices over his bride. And that is amazing. that God says, understand, that's how I love. That's how I love you. It's not a detached, endurance, toleration of you. It's not something that I'm always scratching my head wondering why I chose you. He says, I'm delighted in you. And remember Zephaniah 3. Yahweh, your God in your midst, the mighty one, will save. He will rejoice over you with gladness. He will quiet you in his love. He will rejoice over you with singing. He's going to imitate Adam. When Adam saw Eve, he's going to sing. And he sings when he sees his people. And just as enjoying the love of a woman stirs a man to do greater labors and greater deeds, so we can say that the love of Jesus for his bride provokes him to do great works of mercy and conquest. He delights in being with his people. He loves and is stirred by his bride's presence and he is stirred to work in her behalf when she gathers in his presence and when he gathers with her. He sends her out and he goes with her to do the great work of transforming the world. He delights in being with his bride and is stirred by her presence to do great and mighty things. Listen to Jeremiah, what God says in Jeremiah 33. Call unto me and I will answer you and show you great and mighty things which you do not know. It's like this great warrior who has won the love of his life, and he says, from here on, anything you want me to do, tell me. Ask me to do it, and I will do it. I will move heaven and earth to do it. I am committed to you to do what you want to be done. So he tells us, ask and you shall receive. Seek and you will find. and the door will be open for everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks, it is open. And we keep thinking, well, yeah, but you know, that doesn't mean you get everything you ask. Well, of course not. It doesn't mean everything. Just like you don't give to your beloved children everything they ask, they would be dead by now. And we know it. So no, God doesn't give you everything, but you see what he's saying is, when I want to glorify you and I want to do things for you, and all you have to do is ask me. And we don't believe it, so that then he comes back and James has to say, you know what? We don't have, and you know why we don't have? Because you didn't ask. It's not because the Lord is stingy. It's not because his love has limits. It's not because he's reluctant to give. He wants to give far more than you ask. And James says, you need to ask because you haven't. And that's why we don't have it. This is the joy of love, the generosity of love that God has. It is the love for his bride that moves him to transform the world and her. And so it ought to be for us, the relationship that exists between a husband and wife ought never to become boring and disinterested. Now, does it? Sometimes, yeah, yeah. Should it? No. And when it does, you have to sit back and say, now wait a minute, what is going on with me? Why have I lost that kind of interest in him or in her? Why? Where is the true biblical romance? It ought to be there. The relationship that exists between a husband and wife ought to be like that which exists between Jesus and his church, and Jesus never gets bored with seeing his bride. He never tires of being in her presence. He never tires of going to meet her and spending time with her. He never tires of serving her. And that's the way it has to be for us. And then again, now back to Genesis 2. Notice that we read that God concludes this passage by saying something that this is a pattern for all time. He says, therefore, Because of what I've done here, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. A man is to leave his father and mother, and the woman, of course, leaves hers, and then they are to cleave to one another. He is joined to her so that they become one flesh, so that they become a new thing. in the world, and this involves a number of things. Of course, there's a break with the old family, and a beginning of a new family, a cleaving together. And that is, of course, the one flesh relationship, and it's much more than referring to sexual relationship. It is that, but it's more than that. It's the idea that there is no room for anyone to break this up. You can't get between the two. They're cleaving together, and there's no room for another woman in there, or another man in there. He can't squeeze in between them. They're cleaving together. They're like two pieces of paper that have been glued together. And they are brought together in that way by God. And they become one flesh. So there's no room for a third party. Adam didn't need two or three helpers. He just needed one. Adultery then is totally out of the question. Bigamy and polygamy are ruled out. Lawless divorce is excluded. Excluded, cleaving implies persevering with one another in love. And if you're clinging to your wife, you won't adopt some standard of beauty that your wife can't measure up to. but that other women do. This one is bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh, and this is the beauty that God has given to you. And clinging to her includes recognizing her beauty and working to glorify her with your words, with the names that you use in addressing her. with your acts of consideration, with kindness, with sympathizing with her struggles, and seeking to help her and encourage her to be all that God has called her to be. All these things communicate to you, to her, your willingness to die for her. The husband, as the head of the wife, is called to be the great lover. As the head, the husband is to offer his wife that lifelong security, till death do us part. He is bound to persevere in love all his life, regardless of the circumstances, and that's why the old vows are so nice. And I've quit letting the couples come and say, can we write our vows? Absolutely not. No, you can't. Because you will write stupid vows, and I don't want stupid vows, all right? I just, I've heard enough of that junk. No, you need to do what the church is, there's a formula that the church has said, this is a good formula that summarizes what you're to be as a husband and wife. Do that. Nothing uncool about that. It's beautiful. Say the words. I'll give them and you repeat after me. You ain't writing nothing. No way. Oh, don't get me started. Man, those are awful. But you see, that's the whole point of those vows. They really convey, these old vows convey what is involved. And in sickness and in health, in joy and in sorrow, in plenty and in want. Yeah, that's exactly what you're going to face. And you don't even understand that now, and I know you don't understand what that means, but you need to say it so that you can remember you said it when those times come, because they are. even though you can't envision them. That's the reality. One guy, I think it's Robert Capon, who says that when you're at a wedding and you see these two early 20-year-olds or young, naive, wonderful people, and they make the vows, he said, the whole congregation ought to just burst out laughing. Because you know they have no idea what they're doing. They don't know what they're in for. And it's just hilarious when you think about it. Look at how sweet they are. They're actually saying that. They're so happy. Oh man, they don't have any clue. It's true, but that's the beauty of this whole thing. It is a wonderful thing, but it's a very absurd thing in a way that God is doing, and it shows again, he takes our weakness, he takes us in our naivete, in our weakness, and makes something amazingly powerful and wonderful out of it. See, you're not to love, though, when it's only easy to love, when your wife is lovely and sweet and kind and not complaining, doing everything she ought to do and you want her to do all the time. You're to love her in those times when she's not. And, of course, the same is true of your wife. Permanent security binds husbands and wives. and enables them to see and reflect the glorious security that the church has in the love of Jesus. Marriage is to picture the covenant fidelity of Jesus to his people. Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church. And if Christ doesn't exercise his headship faithfully, then the church will perish. We depend on him. Governing, protecting, providing, leading. If he ceases to love us in those ways, we cannot exist. And so if the head refuses to love the body or doesn't persevere in love for the body, the body will die. The body cannot exist apart from a faithful head. And in the same way, if the husband is the head of his wife and of his household, then his unfaithfulness in the discharge of his headship will mean the death of his house. And you see how different this is and how strange this does sound to the world. It really does. If I say, you've got to be a great lover, what does the world think? They think about the guy who travels around the world. He's got a woman in every country, every town. What am I saying? Every town, maybe two or three in a town. Oh man, that guy is the king of love. No, he isn't. The Bible says the guy who's the greatest lover is the guy who has one woman and loves her all his life or until she dies. And then he sticks with her through thick and thin. He goes through all the little deaths and resurrections that we go through to the very end. And that's what it means to go all the way with a woman. That's what it means. And this helps us understand what headship means. Headship demands service. Adam is established as the head of his wife. He is her head in the same way that God is Lord over the creation. And the Lord means, to be a Lord means to be the chief servant. That's what Jesus tells us. The Lord has no right to exploit or abuse or violate or tyrannize the creation, and he doesn't. Neither does Adam as the covenant head of creation and his wife. That wasn't his job. But the Bible says that if you really are ruling with influence, if you're really ruling and having an effect, that means you are serving. Jesus rules over all because he became the servant of all, right? It was because he obeyed and humbled himself in service, dying that he was exalted with a name that was above every name. So he's given the highest place because he voluntarily took the lowest place. And he tells the disciples the same thing. You wanna be great, he says. You wanna be great in the world? He says, well then don't be like the Gentiles. Because they think the great rulers are the great ones. He says, no, I tell you, if you would be the greatest, you must be the servant of all. And that's the way our story goes. That's the way this story that rules history works. Those who would be first must be the servants of all. Man is given rule over the whole earth, which in the context means that he will save creation like God. He's going to, I'm sorry, serve creation like God. And he's going to bring out of creation all its full potential so that it will manifest the fullness. and the glory of God that's latent within it. And so man rules the earth by serving it as God serves. Headship means doing all you can to serve so that your wife becomes fruitful in her maturity in Christ Jesus. But then secondly, headship means responsibility. The husband is the head and has powers and responsibilities that the wife does not. The husband is responsible for the overall state of the household in a way that a captain is responsible for his ship. And like the captain, the husband has a much greater ability to shape the overall condition and atmosphere and environment of the home and the marriage. Marriage is a structured, covenantal relationship. The husband is the head and the leader, and that means the husband is responsible not only for himself but for his wife and for his children. He's not only to be faithful himself but he's to try to help her to be faithful and help her to be what she's called to be and lead the children in the same way of righteousness. The husband is the head is to glorify his wife. just as she in responding to his love glorifies him. And the husband's love is to beautify his wife like the love of Jesus beautifies the church. And that's what Ephesians 5 explains how that works. Christ's love transforms the church and the husband's love transforms and beautifies his wife so that he can present her to himself as a glorious woman without spot or wrinkle in Jesus in a sense. And this way you see that the husband is responsible for the loveliness of his wife. And this is one of those things that is tough for us to hear as men because you want, you know, we spend most of our lives trying to cut down our accountability and responsibility so that we'll only have a little island to take care of when It's a massive job, but this is the reality. Is your wife insecure? Why? See, it doesn't help things for you to say, you just go to pieces all the time. You need to straighten up. All right, but here's the real question. Why is it that she goes to pieces all the time? Why is it, maybe it would be more helpful to sit down and say, what am I doing that's making you afraid? What am I doing that gives you fears about our future? What is it that makes you uncertain? Why is it that you're really grumpy? Why? What am I doing here that's provoking you in the wrong way? What is it that, you know, that's causing you to be on edge and to be really fragile. And what am I doing that's not helping you? Or what am I doing, what do I need to do to help you here? Those are the things that we're talking about here, and that's what the Bible talks. If you love her like Jesus loved the church, then you're concerned to change and transform her and help her just like Jesus helps us as the people of God. So we seek sacrificially and mercifully and protectively to minister. If she's going to grow in maturity and glory and appear radiant, that's what has to be done. And if your love is weak and half-hearted, she will show the effects of that and not seem glorious in your eyes. If your wife is not growing in beauty and loveliness in your eyes as she grows older, then the problem is with you, not with her. You're not loving her as Jesus loves the church. Your love is too weak and too lazy to make her lovely. And you need to repent and start loving in the way that Jesus loves the church. Headship involves a responsibility for everyone under your authority, which means then that you're responsible not only for your wife, but for everything that's going on in the house. You know, if the hack and thackers are not doing well, It's appropriate that somebody sit Mr. Hackendocker down and say, what's going on in your house? What's happening? We don't sit down with the children first, we sit down with daddy. Your wife and children are not separate individuals that merely share your name. and you supply them money for food, you know, stuff things in their mouths, and put clothes on their backs, and give them a roof that doesn't leak. But you see, you don't get the right, after doing that, to sit back and say, they've got a problem. She's got a problem. You need to go talk to my children. They're nuts. When they have problems, you can't view them as their problems. They're your problems. You can't blame all those things. on everybody else and excuse yourself, because you are the head. The covenant head has to take responsibility for his household, and he represents the family. He answers for the family, so that when your wife is not happy, the first question you have to ask is, what am I doing that is contributing to this? What am I doing? Now that doesn't absolve her from being discontent or being unreasonably grumpy and demanding or whatever, nagging and being a witch. But I first have to ask the question, what am I doing to provoke this? What am I doing that's contributing to this attitude, this unhappiness, this grumpiness, this whatever? If the children are disobedient and disrespectful, I first have to look to myself and say, what am I doing? And I've sent my sons down sometimes and said, all right, I want to know, and I want you to be real honest. Why is it that I don't have your respect at this point? So that when I tell you to do something, You're not even paying any attention. What's going on? What have I done to forfeit your love and your respect? That's the first thing, right? I don't grab them and say, hey, what's going on here, bud? Did you hear me? Who am I? You repeat after me. I'm dad. D-A-D. Dad says something, you do it. That's all there is to it. Discussion is over. No, well, all right, you know, I do have authority. Yes, I can command them, and I do. But the point is, if they're not listening, what am I doing here that when I say something, they don't think it's important? Why is it that they can ignore that? You see, what is it here that I'm doing? If the children are disobedient, why have you forfeited their honor? What have you done to forfeit their respect? You don't have the right to lay all the blame on them and walk around as if the whole thing is a great mystery. which is what dads do. I've done it too. But you talk to husbands and they go, I have no idea. She's nuts, they're nuts, I don't know. I'm the only one sane in the house. Well, it isn't a mystery like that. It's not that for sure. You need to see what is it that you're doing that's causing this to take place. Think of another analogy. You're the head of the house as Jesus is the head of the church. Why is there love in the church for the head? Why does the church love its head? The Bible says, we love because he first loved us. Okay? Why do you love Jesus? It's because he first loved you. If he didn't first love you, you wouldn't have loved him. If there's no love in the home, dad, who do we look to? It's you. You're the lover. That's your job. And if you want love in your household, you're the one who has to initiate it. You gotta follow Jesus' pattern. His love provokes our love. It's no different in the home. Your love provokes the love of your wife and your children. If there's no love, then it falls, first of all, on your response and your responsibility. The reality is that we always dominate. Men always dominate marriage. It's either going to be faithfully or unfaithfully, responsibly or irresponsibly. If we refuse to love and lead and take responsibility for our family, then it's our fault. And we always dominate. So the question is always, not will you dominate, but how are you going to dominate? How are you going to influence your home? And this is such a big responsibility, it seems impossible. It's difficult because it requires you to die to yourself. But that's what marriage requires. And it's required for wives as well. I haven't even addressed that, but of course, wives have to deal with the same sorts of things. They have to die to themselves. Marriage is dying because we've forgotten that marriage is about dying. It begins at the wedding when a man and woman die to their old lives and their old homes and their old lives of singlehood and in a way their old families and they become something new. They become a husband and wife. And the wedding is only the beginning of death. The death at the wedding obligates them to a life of continual sacrifices, dying to themselves so they can live to one another. And they have to die to old habits and old plans and old ways of living and old Hopes and sometimes old dreams and old patterns of selfishness and they have to do this so that they can learn to love one another This sounds really ominous and foreboding, but you see our story is this what happens after you die? Remember the story. The story is when you die, you're resurrected. Death leads to glory. Death leads to new life. You don't have to worry about dying. You don't have to worry about being a loser when you give up your goals, your selfish desires. You're not going to lose. you're gonna gain. Jesus died, but that wasn't the end of the story. He rose again, and because he is raised from the dead, we know that all of our little deaths will lead to resurrections. And it gets glorious, more glorious and glorious as the days go by. So we can welcome the death that marriage brings because we know and follow the master who said, unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains by itself alone. But if it dies, it bears much fruit. He's talking about us. That's how you become fruitful. A marriage that doesn't constantly die to its selfishness and self-sufficiency will never live because marriage prospers by dying. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, help us to understand this very simple thing, and Lord, we pray that you will teach us what this means in our lives, and all of our marriages, they're different, they're in different places, with different problems, with different circumstances, but we all need to learn this lesson, and we beg that you will help us to learn it. Help us, Heavenly Father, and teach us so that we can live to your glory, for Jesus' sake, amen.