Welcome to the preaching ministry of Tri-City Baptist Church in Chandler, Arizona. Our desire is that God would be magnified through the preaching of His word, and that Christians would be challenged, strengthened, and edified in their personal walk with Christ. Take your Bibles tonight and turn, if you would, to the book of Ephesians, chapter five. Every week, the last, well, every week, the last couple weeks as we've been doing construction up here on the platform every week is different when I come up here. The first week there were large holes on either side of the pulpit, so if you had been a roaming preacher you wouldn't have roamed too far, you would have broken your leg or something. Last week we were sitting so far back I thought a couple trips to the pulpit and back would get my steps in for the day. This week I felt like I was doing a private audition for Pastor Dave for the choir singing in his ear over here. So who knows what we'll have next week, but I am glad to see the progress and it is exciting to see this taking place. We began a couple of weeks ago talking about God's intent for marriage. We looked at Matthew chapter 19. where Jesus addresses the Pharisees, really based on a question they had asked him about divorce, but he turns it around and really goes at the heart of what the purpose of marriage is. And we defined marriage as the union of a man and woman who leave their father and mother's home to become united together as one flesh for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. I think that's a pretty good biblical definition based on what we found in Matthew chapter 19. To come to that place, Jesus quoted Genesis 2.24, said for this reason, man shall leave his father and mother and the two shall become one. He uses that as the basis of his argument. So last week we went back and we looked at the origin of marriage in the first three chapters of Genesis to see where we are today. Some of you, maybe if you were not here, Lifestream was down last week, or maybe you were not here. So I wanted just to give a brief summary of what we talked about last week to get us to where we're going to be at tonight. We saw that in the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth and all the beautiful things God had created, the wonders of creation. And God said it was good until God made man. He said, it's not good for a man to be alone. So God created Eve from his side and they lived in the garden to be a help suitable for him, a help meet or help suitable for him, appropriate for him. And they were there in the Garden of Eden enjoying the blessings of God's creation. It appears they had fellowship with God. It appears they had a purpose and work to do there in tending the garden. until sin came into the world. And Eve believed the lie of Satan and took the fruit and ate, gave it to her husband, Adam, and he did eat. And God then revealed the curse that was gonna be upon the earth. To the serpent, he said that, first of all, he'd be on your belly all the days throughout your life, but he put enmity between the serpent and the woman, and God would ultimately crush the head of the serpent through the seed of a woman. The first reference we have to a savior, the first even reference to the coming of a savior, the seed of woman coming into this world to destroy the work of Satan. And we pointed out there that that really points us to the fact that marriage, the first need of marriage is a savior. The fact that we have our homes, we talk about it, but sometimes it's just a cliche. Our homes are to be built on Christ. That means that they should be two people who love the Lord, saved, no Christ as their Savior, and more than just a Christian in name, a Christian who loves God, who wants to serve God. We should be serving God together in a home. We should be praying together in a home. We should be reading our Bibles in the home. We should be going to church together. We should be serving in the church together. that puts a high standard young people when you're looking for a mate not just someone who says oh yeah I'm a Christian okay great I passed that test now we can we can get married but someone who loves the Lord and has an interest in the things of God. Our homes are to be built upon Christ, Christ is to be preeminent in our home. And then to the woman, he talks about how that you will have the desire for your husband, but he shall rule over you. We talk about how that points to a struggle for dominance in the home. And because of that, there is a need for a surrender to and a filling of the Holy Spirit. Because that just does not come naturally for any of us. We who live in the flesh do not want to submit to anyone. We want our own ways. And unless there is a Holy Spirit submission and a yieldedness to the Spirit of God in the home, it will be very difficult for there to be the proper love and submission in that home as there needs to be. Then to the man, he talked about how that he would then, there'd be thorns and thistles on the earth and he would earn his bread by the sweat of his brow. We talk about the need for a purpose in life because there's such a frustration with our work and desire to provide for our needs, which oftentimes impacts a marriage. Often a big role in marriage is that the frustration, the weight, the burden, and just the monotony sometimes of work and doing daily chores, just earning money to pay our bills. And we talked about how that there needs to be a purpose and the scripture is is filled with commands to put God first. Seek ye first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. Learn to love God above all else. That gives us purpose in life. We earn, we work our jobs so that we have, we can pay our bills, but so that we can then freely serve Christ. And it's our perspective on that that changes our outlook on what we do. So that's where we're at in our marriages. In a sin-cursed world, in a world where there's a struggle of predominance in the home, there's a frustration that sometimes we bring home from the workplace into the home. But tonight I want us to look at really what is the model for a Christian marriage. And we find that in Ephesians chapter five verses 23 to 33. It's one of the fullest and treatments of a husband and wife relationship that you find in the New Testament. And there is the danger that we are so familiar with this passage because many of us have heard it so many times and heard messages on it that we sometimes overlook some of the most basic truths that are taught here. And so we are going to look tonight in this passage and see both the model and the means of a Christian marriage. And so let's read this together, beginning at verse 23, through really the end of the chapter, verse 33. Actually starting at verse 22, excuse me. Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the savior of the body. Therefore, just as the Church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that we should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, of his bones for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh this is a great mystery but i speak concerning christ and the church nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband let's look to the lord in prayer as we examine this passage tonight father i pray you will give us your grace and insight as we look at this passage. I pray that you will just open our hearts to your word and that we might hear from you tonight and that your word might prevail and that we might have understanding and a willingness to follow what your word says as we read it tonight. We pray in Jesus name, amen. The model for a Christian marriage is Christ in the church. This illustration comes up a number of times in the scripture. We have sung several hymns tonight that deal with this picture. Paul says in verse 32, this is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Having just quoted Genesis 2.24, for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, two shall become one flesh. He says this is a mystery, but I'm speaking of Christ in the church. In other words, the church and the union of the church, the mystery of the church is the model of the home. Just as it is amazing that God took the Jews and the Gentiles and he united them together in one church. So there are not Jew and Gentile anymore. It's the church, it's God's people. Just as God blended those two together, and just as God takes us, even you just look at our church and see the variety of personalities and backgrounds and interests that people in this church have, but God brings us together as a church and we have a unifying faith and we become one body, a church body. It's fascinating to me, I've said this before, when I go overseas, I can be in a country where I don't speak the language, where the customs are completely foreign to me, and I can walk into a church and instantly, though I cannot understand one word anyone says, there's a complete bond, instant bond that I have in that church. Why? It's because of the unity we have in Jesus Christ. This mystery of the church pictures the mystery of the man and the woman becoming one together, that union together. Some of the songs we sing, the church's one foundation is Jesus Christ our Lord. She is his new creation by water and the word from heaven he came and sought her to be his holy bride. his own blood he bought her and for her life he died yet she on earth hath union with God the three in one we don't understand that with mystic sweet communion with those whose rest is one he is picturing here the model for our marriage and in that part of that model is then the husband's responsibility just as Christ is the head of the church he says in verse 24 and is the savior of the body so the husband is the head of the wife. Christ is the head of the church he himself is the savior of the body as Christ delivered the church from the dangers of sin death and hell so the husband provides for protects preserves loves gives leadership in the home for his wife and then the wife then is told in verse um Verse 24, therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so that the wise be to their own husbands in everything. The word subject or submission has been so abused by the world and by the ungodly and carnal professing believers that red flags often go up, causing us to miss the point of what is really being taught here. There is in no way the idea of submitting to abuse or encouraging abusive behavior on the part of the husband. The model is the church's responsibility to the love of Christ for his bride. Christ has not been abusive to the church, but loved her and gave himself for her. The church, on the other hand, does not consider it a sacrifice to follow him. I mean, if you love Christ, You keep his commandments. His commandments are not burdensome to you, John wrote. Hopefully, if you're living for the Lord, it was not a burden for you to come to church. It's not a burden for you to read your Bible. It's not a burden for you to try to live for Christ. We do so out of love and reverence for the one who died for us. I remember used to, when I was a teenager, I don't think we ever sing this chorus anymore, but there was a chorus, after all he's done for me, after all he's done for me, how can I do less than give him my best and live for him completely after all he's done for me? That's the heart of the church. And that's really the picture of the relationship between the husband and wife. The husband loves the wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. and the wife follows and submits in reverence and respect to her husband's leadership. Now that's the model that we're to follow. But I can hear someone saying or thinking, yeah, but you don't know my wife or you don't know my husband. How do we follow that model or that pattern that we see here? that's why we're studying this passage. Scripture does not give us the model without also telling us the means to get there. The means of establishing a Christian marriage are at least threefold. First of all, it is undergirded by a submission to the Holy Spirit. These verses immediately follow a text that is talking about the importance of being filled with the Spirit. This section on the family begins in verse 22, but if we start at verse 15, he begins by saying, see then that you walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise, redeeming the time, because the days are evil. Don't be unwise, understand what the will of the Lord is. Then he says, but not be drunk with wine, which is in dissipation, but be filled with the Spirit, speaking to one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing, making melody in your heart to the Lord, giving thanks always for all things to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another in the fear of God. And then it begins to address the home. Being subject one to another, submitting yourself one to another, is a fruit of, a result of being yielded to, filled by the Holy Spirit, who as a Christian, indwells us. But though he indwells us, we do not always submit ourselves to him as we should. Being filled with the Spirit, I often say, is not the issue of getting more of the Spirit. We have as much of the Spirit as we will ever get. Being filled with the Spirit is letting him get more of us, of us being more submissive and yielded to him. To be subject one to another in the fear of Christ. Being controlled by the Holy Spirit leads us to a submission to one another. Our homes need spirit-controlled husbands and wives, mothers and fathers that are seeking to honor the Lord and follow the Holy Spirit's leading. I mean, many of the problems in homes, if you sit down and just through the years counseling different people or talk to people about the problems and struggles they're having in their marriage, it is often Christians living in carnality, getting angry, not getting our way, being selfish, being spiteful, responding to situations in hostility, not being lying, not telling the truth. We need to have homes that are controlled and yielded to the Spirit of God. That means our walk with the Lord, our personal walk with the Lord. Your personal walk with the Lord is absolutely fundamental to the well-being of your home. It's not just an accident that when Christians get right with God, oftentimes issues in their homes get better. I mean, sometimes there are problems that have to be worked out, but at least the foundation is there. Two people who want to obey God, who want to do what's right, who are submissive to the Holy Spirit, are on the right track for establishing the kind of home that needs to be established. Secondly, besides this, yieldedness to the Holy Spirit, the husband is addressed. It's interesting that there are so many verses here that address the husband. Verse 25, husbands, love your wives. And it goes all the way into verse 30, addressing the husband. But the husband is told to love his wife, just as Christ loved the church. And maybe it's because of the difficulty of this, the Lord has to really spell it out really clearly for us what this means. He defines this love in several ways. First of all, love your wives. The word there, love, is the word agape. It's the same word that is used to describe Christ's, for God so loved the world that he gave. It's a giving, all-giving type of love. Love as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. We read about the sacrifice of Christ coming to this world. We read of his love for us and we read of his leaving heaven's glories and coming down and suffering a horrible death. That's the love that pictures, that it should picture the love the husband has for his wife. It's a love that seeks the benefit and perfection of the loved one. says here his love for the church was that he he gave himself forth that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word that he might present her to himself a glorious church not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing and that she should be holy and without blemish. Christ is interested in his church being presented someday before his father as perfect and holy and just and righteous. And he works on that behalf and through his word, cleansing us and bringing us to a sanctified status where we are holy before him. Likewise, the husband should have a love that seeks the spiritual benefit, the holiness, the godliness of his wife. His desire ought to be through his decisions and actions, that which will help her to be more Christ-like, that which will bring her, point her to the Savior, that she will have a testimony that is radiant and glowing and will be one that is honorable for the cause of Christ. Then he goes on to add that it's a love that is as great as the love we have for ourselves. He says in verse 28, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife also loves himself. No man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it just as the Lord does the church. This is the opposite of selfishness. This is a selflessness that the husband loves his wife in such a way that it is It's greater than his own tendencies for selfishness. It's greater than the own love he has for himself. I mean, we do. We love ourselves. We love our ease. We love taking care of ourselves. We love things that make us feel good. Well, that same, and to even a greater degree, love ought to be directed towards our wives. It's interesting here that so much time is spent explaining to men the need and the examples of loving your wives. I think one of the conclusions is that certainly one of the heaviest responsibilities here in the marriage is for the husband to love his wife. I just wanna say here, and I think somewhere, I put this here in case I forgot to say it somewhere. I'm gonna just stick it in there. Husbands, it is not your responsibility to make your wife submissive. It is not your responsibility to force her into submission. Your only responsibility is to love her as Christ loved the church. Does Christ force us to submit to him? No. We love him because why? He first loved us and gave himself for us. If a wife is rebelling against the leadership of the husband, that is an opportunity for the husband to demonstrate true agape love. It might be an issue between herself and the Lord, but it also might be an indication of a failure to demonstrate true love. She may be responding sometimes to a fear that she is not loved. Now, there are always exceptions. There are always exceptions. Does every Christian, does every member of the church follow Christ wholeheartedly, unreservedly? Do we always submit to Christ? No, we don't. But it's not hard for a godly wife to follow the headship of her husband when she knows that her husband truly loves her as Christ loved the church. Then we come to verse 33, which summarizes this. and ends with an admonition to the wife. He says, nevertheless, let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Now, some have said, I think erroneously, that the wife in scripture is never told to love her husband. I'm not sure really what is meant by that or the point of that is. Titus 2.4 says the older women are to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. The idea there is practical ways to demonstrate it. We're told to love one another. Jesus even told us to love your enemies. So that's kind of a no-brainer, okay? But the idea here is that the need of the husband is to have his God-ordained position as the head of the home respected. And it is interesting, just through the years speaking with couples, maybe not hearing these exact words, but oftentimes there's a frustration with the wife feeling that the husband does not really love her or is not showing her love. And if you can talk separately to the husband, he would often say, well, she just doesn't respect me. She's not, you know, however he might word that. And many couples just, many times, just don't understand why their relationship is struggling, and it may be something almost as basic as this, that he is not really loving her the way he should, and she is not giving him the respect for his position that she should. To respect is to appreciate, and to accept his desire to lead. his desire to lead, his desire to provide, his desire to protect. You know, our society makes the husband the brunt of most jokes. He is pictured as the one who is clueless and selfish and childlike and sadly sometimes in the world that's true. But would you make fun of Christ's headship in the church? Would you resent his leadership? If not, then you should not resent the husband's attempt to lead the family. Now, respect does not mean you cannot give advice and that you are silent. Sometimes you hear such silly things taught on this. I can't remember if I heard this myself or Leslie told me this going to some ladies' conference one time, but it said, now you should never correct your husband If you're going down the highway and he's going to go past the right exit, you just sit there and be quiet and let him go past the exit. And that was supposed to be showing respect. Or if he's getting ready to do something really dumb and go off the end of a cliff, then you let him learn from that. That's just, I'm sorry, that's just dumb. Okay, that's just, that's silly. But there is, you can give advice and you can be a, you're to be a help suitable for him. And there is the attitude behind it. There's also the manner in which you do it. Several years ago, Leslie and I, I was preaching for a missions conference and we stayed with this elderly couple. And we were there for several days. They both had remarried after their spouses had passed away. I think they'd been married quite a few years by the time we met them. But one of the things we noticed was how sweet the wife was, especially when she disagreed with her husband. She would say something like, honey, I know you're always right, about whatever the issue was. And then she would say, but honey, I don't think they gave you all the information. If it was direction, she'd say, now, honey, I know you like to go down this road, but Mrs. Smith, the Smiths go down this way. Maybe we should find out why they go that way. Now, sweetheart, you're so smart. You could probably figure this out on your own. but then she would go and I would watch him and he would just he just kind of sit there. He liked it. I wanted to send the lesson to go there for about a month and kind of learn from her but we didn't work that out. It's funny, but what she did was really demonstrated that she respected her husband. Now, Leslie and I, honestly, we really joked about that. And every time she would try to do something like it, we both bust out laughing before. So that didn't work quite for us. We couldn't even make it through. By the time she got through it, we'd both be laughing. But she understood the need to respect her husband. And obviously the husband needs to respect his wife just as the wife needs to love her husband. We'll see that in first Peter three when we get there in a couple of weeks. But really this is the foundation of a Christian home. A home that reflects Christ and his church. A home where the husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church and the wife reverences her husband just as the church follows Christ. And honestly, none of this could be accomplished in the flesh. That's why we are to yield ourselves to the Lord, to allow our lives to be controlled by, filled by the Holy Spirit, so that we might reflect His power, His love, His grace in our lives and in our home. So I ask you to think about three things tonight. First of all, examine your life, and can you honestly say, I am a Spirit-filled believer? or are you walking in the flesh? Big problem with many of our homes might just be right there. You got two carnal people living together and that's never good. It's recipe for explosions. We need to be, first of all, walking with God ourselves. Our lives need to be submitted to the Holy Spirit, yielded to Him. Does our home demonstrate the filling of the Spirit of God in our lives. Secondly, husbands, are you loving your wife as Christ loved the church? Let me just challenge you to think about that this week. Are you really loving her with that degree of love? And find some ways, some practical ways to demonstrate that. Just as if you loved yourself, well, we know we love ourselves. So what do we do to take care of ourselves? Think about how we can demonstrate our love to our wives. And then thirdly, wives, are you reverencing your husband? Are you thanking God for his leadership and place in your family? Likewise, find ways this week to let him know, to be aware of just how much you respect and are thankful. for what he is doing in your family. I mean, sometimes you just, expressing to your husband just gratitude for some things he's done or the way he's providing for your family or just little things maybe that he does. When you pick him off the ground and bring him back some smelling salts, you'll find how thrilled he really is. I mean, this is, it seems very basic. It seems almost too simplistic, but yet that is how the home is described. Two individuals filled, submitted to, yielded to the Holy Spirit of God, husbands loving their wife as Christ loved the church, Wives respecting their husbands, following the leadership, just as the church follows Christ. When we talk about a Christian home, it shouldn't just be a cliche. It should really be homes that reflect Christ, homes that reflect Christian principles. I challenge you this week, search your hearts, ask yourself, make sure you're yielded to the Spirit of God, And then ask yourself, am I the husband the scripture portrays? Am I the wife the scripture portrays? And let's seek by God's grace to build homes that are firmly built on the Savior. Let's bow our heads in prayer.