to 2 Timothy chapter 2. No, 2 Timothy 1, I'm sorry. Now I'm going to read one verse here from this chapter, 2 Timothy 1 verse 16. May the Lord grant mercy to the household of Onesiphorus, for he has often refreshed me and was not ashamed of my chains. Let's go to the Lord. Father, again, we thank you we have you, the triune God who never ever leaves us nor forsakes us, the God who is always ready and eager to help us. And so we cry even to your spirit, which is called the helper, to help us, to help us listen, to help us take to heart the things that we hear. And most of all, Lord, we want to have them applied to our lives. So come, we pray. be our instructor, lead us into paths of righteousness for thy name's sake. And we pray this in your son's name, amen. Many of the ladies, I'm sure, maybe even some of the men's have either read the book or watched a movie or a series based on Jane Austen's Pride and Prejudice. And one of the central characters is a man by the name of Mr. Darcy. And he is described as one who never looks at a woman but to see blemish. As good looking as he might have been, Mr. Darcy, he wouldn't have been an easy person to live with. But how often do we behave like Mr. Darcy? How frequently do we criticize and look for other people's blemishes? I think that's what made the Pharisees the Pharisees. They were extremely critical. You could say hypercritical. I mean, they couldn't even find something positive in the perfect man, Jesus. He was a glutton. He was a blasphemer and a drunkard. And even when they said he eats with publicans and sinners, that wasn't said in a positive way. That was a slam or an insidious attack upon his character. But we all have a proud tendency to be critical and look around at others with a frown on our brow. And I do think we're living in a proud culture that is more and more shaped by a critical, cynical spirit. It's spreading like wildfire. And we shouldn't think that we can't be infiltrated the church and even us because our own hearts can be infiltrated by that spirit. It's the spirit of the world. COVID-19 really was the perfect storm for practicing criticism. But it's clear that we are living in an increasingly critical negative culture and we have to fight and resist it. And one way, not the only way, but one way is to cultivate a practice of affirmation, praise, and thanksgiving. Now, this is not a sermon to correct a problem that exists at grace. I've always found this to be a church that is highly thankful, but it can still be a danger, brethren, because of the age in which we live, the pride and envy that can so easily find a resident place in our own hearts, and a critical fault-finding tongue. And so how do we develop higher levels of joy, praise, and thanks to God and for each other? Well, I have six words. They're going to go real fast. Six words that I'm going to run through in terms of how we can be better encouragers and what Paul says of this man, Onesiphorus, who refreshed him often. Isn't that nice? He refreshed him often. How do you think he did that? By words. By words. Affirmation. Encouragement. And how can we be that kind of person, not only in a church context, but in our homes and even in the workplace? Well, let me give you the six words and we'll run through them very quickly. We can develop them at some later time if you would like. Number one, imitate. Number two, identify. Number three, depend. Number four, change. Number five, consistent. And number six, strive. So those are the six words, imitate, identify, depend, change, consistent, strive. Let's seek to open them up a little bit more from a biblical perspective. Number one, imitate, imitate. And we have wonderful examples, don't we, of God-centered, God-glorifying affirmation. Who was the best of the best? Jesus. It's interesting that Jesus frequently commended people for their faith. He commended the Canaanite woman, a woman of great faith. Great is your faith. He commended the Roman centurion. I've never seen such a great faith, not even in Israel. He commended John the Baptist to others. I tell you, among those born of woman, there's none greater than John. Blessed are you, Simon Barjona. Now, he had to rebuke Simon at times, but that's a positive. Blessed are you, I tell you, Peter, on this rock I will build my church. That had to encourage Peter. He commended all of his disciples, you could say, when he said, you are the light of the world and the salt of the earth. And you have a wonderful example, not only in Jesus, but the Apostle Paul. If you read through almost all of his letters written to churches, he starts off with positive praise and commendation. Think of the church at Corinth. Who would want to pastor that church? I mean, it was a problem church. I think of the church of Corinth, I think of an octopus with so many problems, divisions, factions, immorality. They couldn't come to the Lord's table without getting drunk. Negative, negative, negative. But when he starts off that letter to the Corinthians, the first nine verses are all positive. Verse four, I give thanks to my God always, that's what he says, always, always for you because of the grace that was given you in Christ Jesus. And we are living in a more and more Corinthianized culture, and it's going to mean that more and more Corinthian-like people are going to show up on our doorstep. So what do you do? You pull back, you criticize, you put them in their place. And you might want to do that at some point, but I would say establish relationship and friendship, and remember who they are in Christ. Remember what they have in Christ. Seek to identify graces before you go after their sins. If you focus more on their sins and their graces, then you're not looking at them through the lens of the gospel. They are sinners. We will never ever stop being sinners. But Paul never uses that word, I don't think, when he addresses the church. He calls them saints. You ever call anybody a saint? He calls them saints, set apart. Almost every church, he starts off calling them saints. They are the sanctified ones. This practice of affirmation, praise, thanksgiving takes place on a horizontal level. It's wonderfully exemplified in the life of Jesus and the Apostle Paul. And I believe Jesus is looking forward to the day when he can look you in the face, Christian, and say, my good and faithful servant. That's a commendation. Imitate, identify. Second word, identify. To be a believer who refreshes and encourages fellow believers, seek to identify grace in their lives. But to identify grace in their lives, you must know what grace looks like. How do you find out what grace looks like? Well, you go to places in the Bible where you find it. You go to Galatians 5, where you have the eight fruit of the Spirit, love, joy, patience, peace, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. You go to the Sermon on the Mount, those eight or nine beatitudes. You go to other places. You go to Jesus and look at Jesus, see his humility. You can think of faith as a grace, repentance as a grace, perseverance as a grace. You can identify not only graces in their lives, but the gifts in their lives, from Romans 12 and 1 Corinthians 12. And so when you see a brother or a sister who exercises grace or a gift, it might be the gift of hospitality, a gift to teach, a gift to serve, a gift to help, a gift on a musical instrument, a gift to pray, you can encourage them when you identify gift and graces in their lives. Imitate. Identify. Third word. Depend. Depend. We need to remind ourselves frequently, we can't live the Christian life without dependence upon the Spirit. We need the Holy Spirit to constantly be helping us, energizing us, and enabling us to live the Christian life. And when Paul talks about being filled with the Spirit in Ephesians 5, almost in one and the same breath, he talks about joy and thanksgiving. Joy and thanksgiving is a mark of a man or a woman filled with the Spirit of God. And we're not just thanking God for what God gives to us. That's pretty easy. What about thanking God for what God gives to others? He's got a bigger home than I have. Don't get jealous. Thank God. Thank God for graces you see in his life, for gifts you see in his life, for the fact that he has gifts that bring him to a higher level of usefulness and fruitfulness. We should be thanking God for the grace at work in other people's lives. Isn't that what Paul says again about the Corinthians? I thank God for you because because the grace of God that was given you. That's the focus. It was given you. You didn't earn it. It was given you. God gave it to you. God is the author, the giver, the sustainer, and the perfecter of grace. And He never stops working in the Christian. We work out our salvation in fear and trembling as He works in us. But He never stops working. And whatever gifts you have, whatever graces you have, Whatever grace your brother has, your sister has, it's because of the God of grace. Paul could say, I am what I am because of the grace of God. He gets the glory. And sometimes, sometimes I think we're reluctant to praise someone else. because we're afraid of taking from God's glory. If you give praise to that man or the woman, that means less praise for God, but is that how it works? I think it would work quite the opposite. You're taking praise from God. You're taking praise from God if you don't recognize or see the reflection of God in other people's lives and acknowledge it. When I look at the Apostle Paul, I think, wow! And I think of grace. Grace, wow, grace made that man who he was, and grace made that man and enabled him to do what he did. I am what I am, he said, by the grace of God. To be an encourager imitates Identify, depend. Fourth word is change. Every Christian should have a preoccupation with holiness, pleasing God and becoming like Christ. There should be our great ambition in life. It was the Apostle Paul. He desired to know Christ. He said, I want this one thing to know him, share in the fellowship of his sufferings and the power of his resurrection. And the more you know him, in the sense of that full sense of the word know, the more you become like him. Didn't he say that? Beholding his glory, we are changed. And God knows that we can't change or change all that very much or all that much if we adopt an individualistic Christianity. That leaves Christians shriveled. and dwarfed and stunted, I'm convinced of it. There's no Lone Ranger Christianity, it doesn't exist. Even the Lord's Prayer assumes corporate Christianity. It's full of plural pronouns. And Paul gives us at least 80 one-another commandments. How do you fulfill those one-another commandments if you don't belong to a church? How do you do that? It's impossible. How do you obey God? How do you fulfill those 80 plus one-another commandments? And most of the one-another commandments require the use of the tongue. The Apostle Paul describes his gospel ministry to the Thessalonians in 1 Thessalonians 2 by three speaking verbs. Listen to what he says. For you know how like a father, he puts himself under the analogy of a father with his children, this is what a father does, we exhorted, that's the first speaking verb, we exhorted each of you, we charged you, and we encouraged you. three different Greek verbs to describe his ministry amongst the Thessalonians. When speaking to Timothy about what he should be as a pastor, he says to him, in terms of his responsibility to feed the flock of God, he says, preach the word, in season, out of season, and then he follows it up with two negative verbal commands, reprove, rebuke, And then he follows it up with a third, encourage, encourage. But it's not just the responsibility of preachers to encourage, but it's the responsibility of every church member to encourage. The same Greek word he uses to describe his ministry among the Thessalonians. And what he tells Timothy to do, he picks up and he applies it to all believers. It's the perikleo. That's the Greek word in the book of Romans, Corinthians, Ephesians, Colossians, and Thessalonians. He's telling everybody, this is your responsibility to fellow believers. Paul was a great encourager. He wanted Timothy to be a great encourager. And he also wants us to be great encouragers. The writer of the book of Hebrews picks up that same verb, encourage, and he says, encourage one another. Sometimes it's translated exhort. Encourage one another daily. Wow. And the great purpose behind all of those speaking verbs, reprove, rebuke, encourage, is to affect change. That's why you're doing it. Change will take place by reproving, rebuking, and by encouraging. Think of that woman caught in adultery. Remember what happened to her? Those Pharisees came and they threw her right before Jesus like a bag of dirty laundry. And the Pharisees were pretty convinced that Jesus was gonna stick to the code of the Mosaic law and have her stoned. And they had probably rebuked her a thousand times over as they dragged her in front of Jesus. And what will Jesus do? He starts off with a commendation. Sounds like one to me. Has no one condemned you? Neither do I. And then he gave her reproof, a little reproof, go and sin no more. But I'm sure that one encouragement, that one encouragement helped that woman think so differently, change in her thinking about herself. Instead of seeing herself as a condemned criminal, she saw herself as no longer condemned. Now, we have to be honest in our commendation and affirm people in the right way. Sincerely, speaking the truth, this is not phony commendation. We can't build up people with lies. Truth sets people free, but sincere encouragement can serve as a wonderful place. Oftentimes, you'll do more to help people by encouragement than by criticism. Who are your best friends? I'm sure your best friends are people who encourage you, not who criticize you. John Calvin said, we really believe those who desire our welfare. Isn't there a modern proverb that says you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar? Encouragers open doors to change. You just think back to your school days. Some of you can think that far back. Sports. I can still remember my grade 7 teacher. who criticized me. And he did it in a pretty mean way. He compared me to my twin brother. I go back with my twin brother again and say, remember what Mr. Taylor said about me? I sure proven him wrong, haven't I? I've exceeded you, Alan, ten times more than you, but anyways. But it's interesting that you can remember the criticisms. But what people have encouraged you in terms of positive encouragement, whether a teacher or a coach? And how many people do you think sit on a church pew who need encouragement? I won't ask for a raise of hands. But we're all struggling in one way or another, challenges. health issues, relational problems, disappointments in life, struggles with the children, struggles with our wives or our husbands, with our in-laws. How do you help a man, a friend, who's been struggling with pornography, he's slipping like crazy, and how do you encourage him? Well, he called you last week, and he asked if he could get accountability with you, and he's telling you he slipped again this week, and what are you gonna do? Do you go to him and you blast him? Or do you start with saying, my friend, I appreciate the grace of humility that's willing to get accountability. And I appreciate the grace of honesty. You're telling me about your real heart struggle. We are to be encouragers and comforters, men and women who are no more for our praise than our criticism. Imitate. What did I say, half an hour? Identify, depend, change. This is a biggie. Consistent. You've heard that expression, familiarity breeds contempt. And the more we rub shoulders with people, the more we see them up close, the more we see their sin failures, their weaknesses. Remember someone describing marriage as a full-length mirror because it gets you to see the real you, and that isn't often very pretty, but you also see the real you in the other person, right? 24-7. And what often happens in a marriage is we go from affirmers to complainers. That's the trend. It's a downward trend. In courtship and dating, we would pile on the affirmatives. I mean, we couldn't have been, I mean, everything we saw she did, I mean, it was just wonderful. I mean, even the way she, she, she, he ate her granola. I don't know. He just loved it. He loved everything. But the longer you're in a marriage, watch out, it often happens, his affirmation withers. It withers. And what also happens is corrections... I wrote this down. It almost sounds like I pulled it from somebody else. But anyways, corrections are intensified and multiplied. You left the lights on, dear. I mean, the first three years you said that with a big smile on your face. But after ten years, you're still leaving the lights on. It doesn't get the temperature to exactly the way you want it. Now how do you say? The tone of your voice has changed. Dear, you left the lights on. And she knows there's a touch of sarcasm now. Not again. Not again. How many times? You burned the casserole again. And that was OK when we had our first year of marriage. I used to laugh at it, but now I'm not laughing anymore. It's frustrating. I'm even angry. Why don't you take a cooking class? What's happened? Your garden, the fruit of the Spirit, has not been growing. I think that's what's happened. Instead, the weeds of whatever, anger, resentment, whatever, they've been growing and they're choking out the voice of affirmation. That's what's happening. Affirmation is now choked or replaced with criticism and correction. It happens all the time in churches. People who want to become church members, I mean, they're as happy as happy can be. They think pastors walk on water. But five years after, wow, ten years, what's changed? The pastors haven't changed. The deacons haven't changed. The persons in the pew hasn't changed. You've changed. The voice of affirmation has gone silent. And now everything you see, you see through a dark lens of criticism. I mean, the pastor can't even wear the right tie anymore. That explains the pandemic of divorce. And that explains the kind of church hopping that takes place today. And people leave churches like they leave gym memberships. And pastors aren't any better. I know there's going to be exceptions to the rule, but the pastors, he's pretty positive on the front end. It goes both ways. But as time moves on, there's certain people on the pew he starts to resent. And the positives become less and less, and the negatives become more and more. To be an encourager, You have to make a regular practice. This won't be easy because you're rubbing shoulders with sinners. It's easy to see sin more than grace, see weakness more than strength, because our sin often blinds us to other people's strength and graces. How do you become a good or a better encourager or refresher? Imitate, identify, depend, change, consistent. And here's the final one. He said, finally, he got to number six. And I have six points on the number six. This is really gonna go fast. Strive, that's the word. Strive to be affirming in your relationship. And I have five things to say. This is real fast, believe me, it's like a machine gun. Five machine gun bullets here. Number one, be focused on Christ and grace rather than sin. When Paul starts off his letter to the churches, he uses the word saints, not sinners. Saints, not sinners. And he uses this little phrase over and over and over and over in Christ, in Christ, in Christ, in Christ. He's seeing people in Christ. He focuses on grace and he focuses on what they have because they are in Christ. Biblical affirmation tells people what you see God doing in their lives and what Christ has done in their lives. Be focused on Christ and grace. Second practical counsel, if we're going to strive to be better encouragers, this is almost a negative, be measured. Too much praise can be a bad thing. Just like too much alcohol. and too much food. Too much praise can turn people into approval junkies. And they can't live without it, you know? So you have to tell your little five-year-old, and when it comes to 15-year-old, you have to tell them almost 100 times over how pretty they are. We have to be careful how we use our praise. I wonder how many times people thank Jesus for his sermons. Even for his healing miracles. Remember he healed the ten lepers. And only one came back. Only one came back. And we live in a pretty thankless world. And there's lots of things we will do for Christ and should be willing to do for Christ and never expect a word of praise or thanks. We're doing it for him ultimately. And don't forget he sees he will reward even the cold glass of water. And then here's another point, number four under this last list in terms of practical counsel, be alert, be observant, look for grace, look for gift, look for opportunities to affirm, to commend, even in the little things. Children, you can do that, right? I mean, how many things does mom do for you? I bet you never thanked her for cleaning your socks. Did you? Ever thank her for all the dishes she does? All the meals she cooks? All the... I mean, Proverbs 31 has some guys, boys or girls, rising up and praising their mother. What about your dad? All the work he does for you? He earns the money. You got food on your table. Ever thank your dad for the job he has? What about the faithfulness you see in your parents? The gentleness and the kindness you see in your parents? And what about wives? Do you thank your husband for leading family devotion, for investing in the children, for taking them to the soccer practices, for putting food on the table? We need to be alert and observant. There's all kinds of things we should be able to see and observe so we can commend others. Another habit to develop when it comes to confirming and encouraging, be public. Be public. What do I mean by that? Well, don't be afraid or reluctant to take your praise into the public forum or arena. At the meeting that we had at the Bauer home the other night, Pastor Mark's home, I was sat there listening to some of the men talk about their wives. Ladies, it was positive. But to hear men thank God for their wives. They took it into the public arena. Jesus took John the Baptist's name and reputation and put it into the public context. He talked about Timothy. There's no one like Timothy. Timothy's faithful. I have none like Timothy. And don't be afraid. I think this is another area that I think that we have to work on. Don't be afraid as moms and dads. to be able to voice praise and thanksgiving at the supper table or in your devotions of people in your church, where you see grace in their lives. I've had so many people come up to me and talk to me about Phil DeLong, the things they saw in Phil DeLong. Your children should hear that. If children heard a positive affirmation and condemnation coming from mom and dad lips, almost what, weekly, monthly, about other people in the church, you think that would shape their Christianity? But all they hear is negatives. If all they hear is negatives, don't be surprised if they go up with bad attitudes of the church and of pastors. And don't be surprised if they grow up into following your footsteps. And be complainers and church hoppers. We need to strive to be encouragers and not complainers. And one last thing, I got one more minute here. Be opportunistic. This is the last point, again, strive. Never thought of this before, but what an encouragement, what an encouragement you can be, what a way to gain the ears of the unconverted. Ever think of that? Well, how can you command a sinner? Well, you're a sinner. But they are made in the image of God. They have to reflect something of God if they're made in the image of God. There's something in an unconverted person, the worst of the worst, that reflects something of God. So when they tell the truth, When they do good work, when they clean their bedroom, when they help others, when they express joy, when they get angry against injustice, when they obey the law of the land, when they pay their taxes, when they're punctual, when they keep curfew, those might be ways in which you can say, wow, that's encouraging, commend them. Someone has said this. a man by the name of Sam Crabtree. In fact, he's written a book called Practicing Affirmation. Dr. Piper wonders why it's not a bestseller. He said, people will be more inclined to hear us if they believe you're not angry at them, but grateful for them. And then he says this, some of the most stubborn and willful rebels can be influenced, even won over, by means of honest affirmation coupled with God's grace. I wonder, isn't that how Jesus dealt with that woman at the well? Why did he ask her for a drink of water? I mean, he could've got it himself, couldn't he? It wasn't her well. I think he wanted to say thank you to her. Thank you. He wanted to begin with an affirmation, a little commendation, before he began to zero in on the issues in her life. What about people you see daily, the bank teller and the cashier at McDonald's? when you see their smile, their friendliness. Can't you begin to build a relationship by commendation? I really appreciate your attitude. I really like the smile on your face. And so before you invite them to the gospel feast, before you point out their sin, you might think of giving some appetizers. of commendation and praise. It might allow the medicine of the gospel to go down easier. There's something to be said for the power of affirmation, the power of encouragement. May God help us to be faithful gospel grace encouragers. Let us pray. Father in heaven, again, we thank you. We bless you. We thank you, Lord, that you have a son who came into this world and knew exactly how to treat people, how to commend people, how to exhort people, how to reprove And we pray again, Lord, that you would help us in these areas. We confess so easily. We can criticize how easier it is to criticize than commend. So give us the grace we need and the wisdom we need. And we pray this in your son's name. Amen.