Please turn in your Bibles to Song of Solomon, chapter 8. Song of Solomon, chapter 8. We'll be reading verses 5 through 7 this morning as we continue in our little foxes series. Our theme verse for the series comes out of Song of Solomon, chapter 2, verse 15. Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyard. See, this is a series about relationships. Specifically, it's a series about what God says concerning creating healthy relationships with one another, specifically in the marriage context. When God created the marriage, he didn't create it thinking to himself, yikes, like I hope these people can tolerate one another long enough to procreate before they kill each other. No, no, no. God created the marriage relationship to be a primary example of God-like, deeply connected, loving, intimate relationship. And beyond the marriage, God's heart is that we would be one with one another, just as He is one with Himself. You see, broken relationship is a product of sin. And it grieves the heart of God. He doesn't like it. He doesn't want it. He doesn't desire it. And the question is, are we going after health in our relationships? Going after God's heart? in the way that we live with and treat one another. And we've seen that two things are needed if we are going to live in a way that honors and worships the Lord. First, we need to be connected to him. Holy Spirit dependence is the only means of victorious Christian living. Holy Spirit dependence is the only way that we can live in victory in the Christian life. Jesus says the Spirit might be willing. Man, that flesh, that's weak. The Spirit of God is what gives us everything that we need to be able to bring God's blessing and bring flourishing into our relationships. Where we go wrong, is when we try to do that in our own strength. See, despite what the world might say, healthy relationships are not a seven-step process. Why? Because our flesh gets involved. We are, by nature, selfish creatures. And if the Lord isn't at the center of our relationships, then those relationships will not reflect the design of the Lord. Therefore, we need to be connected with Him. That's number one. But in that, number two, we need to be diligent about catching the foxes. Little foxes, which, if left unchecked, will bring devastation into the relationship, stealing the fruit as it grows, gnawing at the roots until the vine withers. See, more often than not, it's not the big things that ruin relationships, at least not right away. It's the little things. It's the little foxes. which, if allowed to roam and run free, so often grow into the big things. Beloved, are we letting that happen? Worship the Lord by catching and killing the little foxes. And so far in our series, we've looked at three little foxes. First, the little fox of discord, a fox that runs free if in conflict, There's no heart or intentionality to reconcile that relationship. The second little fox was the little fox of dishonor, a fox that brings devastation when we don't set up another person and value one another as we should, when we don't create a culture of honor within our relationships. Last week, we examined the little fox of neglect, a little fox that gnaws away at a person's identity. A little fox that can only be killed by our pursuit of one another. Having hearts that stretch out after one another. This week, we set in our sights our fourth little fox. The little fox of transaction. The little fox of transaction. And so let's ready ourselves before we jump into God's word this morning. Church, will you pray with me? Father, when it comes to the little fox of transaction, I recognize that this one is elusive to us. God, in many ways, we don't even recognize that he's there. We don't understand how he works. And so I pray, God, for your wisdom this morning. God, that as we open your word, God, as we hear your truth, you might reveal to us this fox that so often lives in the shadow of our relationship. And so, Father, lead us in that truth, we pray. In Jesus' name, amen. 1 Corinthians 15, five. Paul writes, love keeps no record of wrongs. When you think of record keeping, what do you think of? I think of a ledger. A ledger, I put it up on the screen, is a book in which accounting transactions are recorded. Each account is meticulously tracked. There's an opening balance, a list of transactions, and an ending balance. When it comes to our little fox this morning, I feel like it's necessary to unpack this concept of transaction. And so what do I mean by that? Simply put, transaction is the action of conducting business. It's a business deal, if you will. Relationally, it can be understood as an exchange between two people. One definition I came across this week defined a transaction as a finalized agreement for transferring goods, services, or assets in exchange for something. I think that's pretty strong. The question becomes, why is this dangerous? Well, hang with me for a moment because I want to give you a philosophy lesson. All right? So, two minutes, track with me. There's this prevalent philosophy that exists in our world today called utilitarianism. Now, without getting into the nitty-gritty, the basic idea behind utilitarianism is that people are viewed as objects which are then judged according to their utility or their usefulness to me or to the whole. The end of this philosophy is the maximization of my happiness and well-being. Utilitarianism says that an object is judged according to its ability to produce benefit, advantage, pleasure, good, happiness, or, maybe on the flip side, to prevent pain, or evil, or unhappiness, to me, or to those I'm concerned about. Now, we could just stop right there this morning. Kill that. Amen. Let's sing. Right? But I'm not going to do that because they pay me for another 20 minutes. No, I'm just kidding. Just kidding. Can anyone see the danger in that? When it comes to our relationships, that's dangerous. And yet, so many of our relationships are based in this idea of using one another for self-motivated reasons. I married her because she's hot, and we'll be pretty good. I keep him around because of his money, and I like to shop. The question is what happens when someone becomes no longer useful to us? When someone hotter comes along, when I feel that the other person is holding me back, when I've outgrown the relationship, when the other person doesn't or can't bring to the table everything that they were bringing before, maybe because a child has entered the dynamic. maybe because of a health issue, maybe because of increased job responsibilities. And all of a sudden, the dishes don't get done, or the intimacy changes, or the recreation fades. And we say, well, why do I not have any clean underwear? Or why hasn't my car been fixed? Or why isn't dinner on the table? Why am I the one driving everyone around? Transaction. And we keep score. The truth is that in so many of our relationships, marriage and otherwise, they're based in and built around this transactional mindset. A mindset which says, as long as I'm getting something from you, as long as you are pulling your weight, as long as you are fulfilling your role or scratching my back, then I'll scratch yours. And when that transaction is taking place, it works for us. The problem is, it's not love. And that is not God's design for the foundation of our relationships, especially in the marriage relationship, which is supposed to be a picture of loving one another with the same heart and in the same way that God loves us. You see, at the heart of the little fox of transaction is this issue of record keeping. So much bitterness and conflict in relationship comes from a fleshly desire to keep score. We did it your way last time. Remember when you didn't get that thing done? Remember how I had to absorb this inconvenience? Remember all that? And the little fox roams. Beloved, burn the ledger. God has in mind an entirely different foundation for our relationships. Now, quick disclaimer, this doesn't mean that your actions don't matter. Hopefully, throughout this series, you have seen that actions matter a great deal in relationships, bringing life, not death, into the relationship, bringing blessing, not curse, building up, not tearing down. We reap what we sow. Actions matter. But that's not what this is. In the verse we just read in 1 Corinthians, love keeps no record. That word used there is the word legizimai. It literally means to take into account, to reckon, to count, to calculate. It says love doesn't do that. If record-keeping is the basis of your relationship, God says, that's not love. That's not it. I have an entirely different kind of relationship in mind for you. A relationship not based in transaction, but in my love, agape love. You say, well, how do you know that? Well, the answer is because that is how God lives in relationship with us. See, in Christ, God has burned the ledger. We say our sins have been forgiven. As Christians, we love saying that. Why? Because it's true and because it's an awesome truth. But what does that mean? Forgiven literally means to give up, to keep no longer. In other words, in Christ, God keeps our account at zero. Does that mean that I don't sin? No. I sin a whole lot. Again and again, day after day, I fall short and yet God keeps the account at zero. But in our relationships, so often we still find ourselves keeping score. Making sure that what I'm putting in is being returned to me with interest. That in some way I'm benefiting because of it. Beloved, we need to kill that fox. Kill the fox of transaction. Burn the ledger. And if we choose to start a new one, burn that one too. Because that will happen. Our text this morning is gonna unpack this concept for us a little bit more. So look with me at Song of Solomon, chapter eight, verse five. where the question is asked, who is that coming up from the wilderness leaning on her beloved? Now, there's some debate as to who's speaking here. For our purposes this morning, that doesn't even matter, right? What I want us to focus on is what the one asking the question is looking at. Who's that coming up from the wilderness, leaning on her beloved? That word leaning is a fascinating word. It's the word rafah. It means to support or to rest upon. What's fascinating is that this is the only time in all of the Hebrew scripture that this word is used. Now when I saw that this week, I said, time out. You're telling me that this is the only time that leaning is used in the entire Old Testament? I don't believe that. And so I looked it up. Leaning is used all over the Old Testament. This is not the only time. And so let me give you a few examples. In 2 Samuel 1.6, when King Saul is about to die, it says, and there was Saul leaning on his spear. In 2 Kings 5.18, Naaman is talking with God's prophet Elisha, asking for pardon. He says, when my master goes into the house of Rimen, which is a false god, to worship there, leaning on my arm. And so I thought to myself, well, that's interesting. It must be a different word. And sure enough, it was. It's the word sha'an. And this is why I love doing word studies in God's Word, because it reveals to us so much truth about God's heart that we just miss in English. What's the difference between these two words, and why is Song of Solomon, a book about relationships, the only time when rafak is used? Here's what I learned. The word sha'an means to lean or to support oneself. In other words, the action is one way. Saul was leaning on his spear. His spear was not leaning on him. The king of Syria was leaning on Naaman. You can be sure that Naaman was not leaning on him. The leaning goes one way. With Rafak, the leaning is a reciprocal action. the man and the woman are leaning on one another. The picture being painted here is of two people walking along on the road of life, and as they do, they are right there, side by side, actively supporting one another. Listen, Paul was leaning because he was, or Saul was leaning because he was hurt. The king of Syria was leaning because he was old. Here, this couple is not leaning because they had to. but because they chose to. They say, we're in this together. This is not a transactional relationship, this is not record keeping, there's no egocentricity, there's no, listen, you were leaning on me for the last 50 feet, and so now for the next 50 feet, I'm gonna lean on you. No, no, no. They were invested together. Walking, working toward a common goal. And this is further supported by the rest of the verse. Now, remember, this is poetry, okay? This is not meant to be understood literally, otherwise it would be really weird, okay? So, here's what the rest of the verse says. Under the apple tree, I awakened you. There, your mother was in labor with you. There, she who bore you was in labor. Now, I read some commentaries this week that interpreted that literally, and they were trying to make this case that where the guy and the girl met was the exact same place that the mother gave birth to this guy, and it's like, that's weird. No. What's this talking about? See, to understand this, we need to understand the use of metaphor. Earlier in the Song of Solomon, chapter two, verse three, the apple tree was a metaphor used to describe being in a state of security and trust. Its use is the same here. The woman is not concerned about performance, or approval, or expectations, or fulfilling a role, but dwells in a state of security and trust with her beloved. Again, that doesn't mean that she never does anything. All of Song of Solomon is about the two of them doing things for one another out of the love that they have for one another. But underneath that, Security, not transaction, is the foundation of that relationship. And it was the foundation of their relationship when it started, and it was the foundation of his family's relationship when he was born. That's what was modeled to him, taught to him. Beloved, let this be a lesson in generational discipleship. for what we model and how we sow in our relationships, we will pass on. In counseling, we often talk about learned patterns of behavior or thinking. The question is, is what we are living in and living out in our relationships an example to the next generation of what is right and good and healthy? Beloved, we need to kill the fox of transaction. Healthy relationships are not about keeping score, but about leaning on one another. God is reshaping the whole paradigm. And this brings us to possibly the most iconic or well-known verses in the book, verses six and seven. where the writer says, In other words, this is how the Lord loves. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised. What a fool that would exchange love for money. Now we don't have time to unpack all of this in depth this morning, but the point Solomon is making here is that there is a permanency, a strength, a value, in love. Love is not a transaction. Love is not a fleeting emotion. It says, set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm. One of the Christmas cards we got this year had a wax seal on it. So I don't remember who it came from. If that was you, well done. Pretty cool, having a wax seal on this Christmas card. And in the middle of the wax, there was a design. In Bible times, the seal was made by a stamp or a special ring called the signet ring. It was a ring that bore on it a unique mark. The signet ring was used to authenticate documents or mark ownership. People would see the seal and discern whose signet is this. It was a mark of identity. In some cases, it was a mark of authority. When it says, set me as a seal, that is an identity statement. It answers the question, whose am I? Set me as a seal upon your heart is a phrase that means at the center of everything. Set me at the center. Set me in the place of priority, of affection, of comfort, at the center of your desire and passion. Set me as a seal on your arm, that is an entirely different request. Last week we saw that the word desire, tashuka, carried in it the idea of an arm stretching out after someone, right? In longing or craving, right? A seal upon your arm also carries with it the picture of an outstretched arm, but the purpose of this arm is different. See, this arm symbolizes strength or power. This is an arm extended not in longing, but in help, in protection, in covering. And we see this quality in the arm of God, Isaiah 59.1, surely the arm of the Lord is not too short to save. Right, he comes to us as rescuer, as redeemer and defender. See, this is an exhortation to commitment, to faithfulness. If you're going to fight for something, fight for me. If you're going to build something, build our house. If you're gonna protect something, put your arm over my shoulders and keep me safe and secure. Notice that this has nothing to do with self. This is a commitment to love. It's strong, it's fierce, and it cannot be quenched because it isn't founded in transaction. It's wholly different. And in healthy relationships, both people in that relationship understand God's target and design, that we would walk together, reciprocal leaning the whole way. Beloved, kill the fox of transaction. Stop keeping score. Burn that ledger. After all, isn't that what God did for us in Christ? Love keeps no record of wrongs. David, in the Old Testament, even says, Psalm 103.10, he says, God does not deal with us according to our sins. No one would exist if that were the case. Right? Nor repay us according to our iniquities. God doesn't do it that way. Instead, Romans 5, 8, God demonstrates his own love for us in this, that while we were still sinners, right, while we still fell short, while we were still not measuring up and unworthy of love, Christ died for us. That's God's kind of love. Right? Again, it doesn't mean that we don't do anything. Right, Paul, when he encountered this incredible love of God, he said, I'm your slave. I've been bought at a great price. My whole life is a living sacrifice because of the love that you show. Like, we want to respond to that kind of love. It compels us. But God makes the investment. Because of love, God chose to make the investment. He says, I'm leaning. Will you lean back? That's how I designed it. Two people walking as one. God's people walking together. And then for those who would choose him, who would choose that relationship, choose to lean back, scripture says that it's God who then puts a seal, sets a seal on us. He gives us this seal and his Holy Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee What's it a guarantee of? Security. That we have been possessed by him. That he is all in on us. That we have been written on his heart, that we have been adopted into his family, that we will share in the inheritance that he has waiting. Christians, do you know that in Christ you have been sealed with his Holy Spirit? God has placed his mark on our relationship with him? Would you accept Christ this morning as your beloved and begin to walk with him? For he is our hope and our redemption.