Especially what we learned since the COVID-19 pandemic of 2020, relational health has become a focus of study in overall health. It was interesting, wasn't it, how the COVID pandemic and the shutdown and people across the world being essentially asked to stay in their home, not go out and about, and not socialize with others, and kids not go to school, and people not go to work like they had been, and all of these things uncovered a whole litany of issues that researchers tell us we will not know the extent of for decades. You know as well as I do some of the things that you've seen and heard in news and in reports, whether it's children who couldn't go to school for so long and how it put them back academically, how it put them back socially, psychologically, and all these things. And what it did is it really unveiled some things that were below the surface that suddenly came to the surface very abruptly. And one of those areas is this idea of relational health. And not just health in relationships, but how relationship health affects your overall health. Let me give you just a few examples, if I may. In a U.S. News report from March 23rd, 2023, the authors spoke about the studies that were being done and how healthy relationships result in healthier bodies. The report states this, that relationships, and whether your experiences within those relationships are positive or negative, could influence your physical health. And it went on to say, relating it back to COVID, since the COVID-19 pandemic, relations have been facing unprecedented challenges, turbulence, and change. What this means is that the COVID pandemic may have health implications not just because of the virus itself, but also indirectly as a result of the impact it has had on people's relationships. Harvard completed an 85-year study I've not heard of too many studies that last that long. But just recently, Harvard completed an 85-year study of adult lives and what makes for a good life. And what they found was the impact of relational health, specifically the issue of loneliness. has on the physical health. The report said in part this, if you are alone and feel stressed and lonely, that's part of what breaks down your health. That's why we think loneliness is as dangerous to your health as smoking half a pack of cigarettes a day or being obese. In a follow-up, that was from February of this year, in a follow-up, an article in a psychology periodical entitled, Why Loneliness is a Killer, this is just from May of 2023, said this, according to a recent US Surgeon General's report, Loneliness is more dangerous than smoking 15 cigarettes a day. And they come to the conclusion that it's a sobering reminder that loneliness is increasing in the U.S., particularly among the young, among young people. God created us to be relational people. He created humans to dwell together in community. It wasn't just because Adam was without a spouse that when God looked down at his creation, when he said everything else was good, he saw Adam was alone and he said, what? It's not good that he should be alone. He needed a companion. And I think that what we recognize is that our relationships need help. In Luke 2, verses 13-14, the angels appeared to the shepherds and they declared these words, glory to God in the highest and on earth, peace. goodwill toward men. As we embark on this Christmas season, we're looking at a series entitled Missing Peace. And I want us tonight to consider this idea of peace with people. And right at the outset, there is something that I want you to know about peace with people, how you can be at peace, how you can live in peace, how you can have relational peace with others. And if you don't get anything else tonight, I hope you do. But if you don't get anything else tonight, I want you to listen very carefully. Being at peace with others is not others' responsibility. It's your responsibility. If tonight you say, well, I don't have a lot of relational peace. There are people in my life that I'm really struggling with, that I'm not at peace with, that I don't feel at peace with. Understand tonight, it is not the responsibility of others for you to be at peace with them. It is your responsibility. Isn't this often true? We like to make whether or not we have peace with others all about them and what they did or did not do. Well, if that person wouldn't have done this, if that person would do this, then we could have relational peace. Then I'd be at peace. Isn't that often the way that we perceive and view our relationships? I think if we thought about it, we would honestly say, you know what? That is sometimes the way I look at it. I make it about the other person. But being at peace with others isn't their responsibility. It's my responsibility. Having peace isn't about them, it's about you. In Romans chapter 12, that's where we'll be this evening, Paul provides a series of commands that have a common thread. Romans 12 19 through 2 or 9 through 21 It's just command after command after command after command after command and you may look at it and go. What is the connection? What's the common theme is is Paul just giving us a list of things to do and not do? And in a way you could say sure he is but there's a common thread through all of these and it is that these commands are carried out in relationships and And if you go back even a few verses before these verses, Paul talks about the grace that's been given to all of us. And he's writing specifically to Christians, believers. He's writing to church people, to members of churches, local churches. So within that context, he's giving all these commands, and these commands are commands that are carried out in the context of relationships. And here's what I find, what we find as we look at it. If peace with others is my responsibility more than it's theirs, how does that happen? And ultimately, what we learn is that having peace with people is the product of choosing love over all the other options. Think about it. When you're in relationship with people, things happen. Mistakes are made. Wrongs are committed. Hurts are levied. Things that shouldn't be said. Things aren't said that should be said. Things are done that shouldn't be done. Things aren't done that should be done. There are problems in relationships. Even your closest relationships. The ones that you would say, these are the people I love the most. There are problems there at times, aren't there? In those relationships. And when you think about what that person did or what they said or what they didn't do and what they didn't say, you have options. How you can react to that. But if you're going to experience peace in your relationships, that only comes when you choose love over all those other options. Follow along as we read in Romans chapter 12. verses 9 through 21, see all these commands linked together being carried out in relationship. Paul says, let love be without dissimulation, abhor that which is evil, cleave to that which is good. Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love in honor preferring one another. Not slothful in business, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord, rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing instant in prayer, distributing to the necessity of the saints, given to hospitality, bless them which persecute you, blessing curse not Rejoice with them that do rejoice and weep with them that weep be of the same mind one toward another mind not high things But condescend to men of low estate be not wise in your own conceits recompense to know evil for evil provide things honest in the sight of all men if it be possible and here's the key verse as much as lieth in you live peaceably with all men Dearly beloved avenge not yourselves, but rather give place under wrath for it is written vengeance is mine I will repay sayeth the Lord Therefore if thine enemy hunger feed him if he thirst give him drink for in Doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head be not overcome of evil, but overcome evil with good Peace with other people is the product of choosing love over all other options. What does this look like? Let's take Paul's commands here and break them down into three ideas, three categories, if you will. Number one is this, care for each other like family. Look at the first part of verse 10 again. Verse 9 and 10. First part of verse 9, let love be without dissimulation. First part of verse 10, be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love. To be kindly affectioned, this phrase is really interesting. It has the idea of to be fraternal. to have a love such as a child would have for a parent, a parent for a child, a brother for his sibling, a husband for his wife, a wife for her husband. It's to have a familial type love for each other. And as Paul writes to church people, he said, that's the way that you should love each other. that you should care for one another like family. Well, what does that mean? Well, in verse nine, it means to love genuinely. Let love be without dissimulation, without hypocrisy, without mask wearing, to love genuinely. You say, well, I don't know exactly what that would look like. Okay, we'll put it in this context. How do you love your spouse? Parents, how do you love your children? How do you love your family members? That is the type of love that should exist between a church family. To love genuinely in that way we could go further. I believe the next couple of verses where he talks about Abhorring what is evil cleaving to good not slothful in business serving the Lord rejoicing in hope patient tribulation continuing instant in prayer We could break all this down and just simply put it this way seek others good Seek the good of others seek the good of your brothers and sisters in Christ Do good for them We could say this loving caring for each other like family looks like preferring others Paul says in honor preferring one another do you know what this phrase gives the idea of this phrase gives the idea of actually having a competition to put others first and But that's not what we typically see in human nature, is it? What's the competition we typically see in human nature? Self first, go first. You ever seen the kids, you know, when it's time to line up for something, when it's time to come get the food, when it's time to rush to get the candy after the pinata has been broken open? What's the natural attitude? Me first. I want to be at the front of the line. I want to get my food first. I want to get the dessert first. I want the candy first. I want to be the first one there. I want to beat everybody and get there first. That's the type of competition we typically see in human nature, isn't it? Paul says we need to flip that on its head. The competition you should be having is to see who can put somebody else first. Who can prefer someone else? It's almost like this friendly competition of working to, hey, I'm gonna meet your need first. I'm gonna put you first before you put me first. It looks like meeting needs. Verse 13, distributing to the necessity of the saints, given to hospitality. Peace in relationships, I think we would all say, is something we desire, something we want. that piece is the product of choosing love above the other options, then that means caring for each other like family, loving genuinely, seeking others' good, preferring others, meeting needs. It also means, secondly, and here's where it really gets tough, it looks like treating enemies better than they deserve. Verse 14. Bless them which persecute you. Bless and curse not. Verse 17. Recompense to no man evil for evil. Verse 20. If your enemy hunger, feed him. If he thirst, give him drink. You think about enemies. A lack of peace. Someone I'm not at peace with. That could be anybody. It doesn't have to be someone that you, you know, you take up the pot and they take up the spatula or something and you're going at it attacking each other. It may not be that. It may just simply be someone you don't belong with. Someone that you had a spat with at some point and the relationship has never been the same. It may be someone who said something at some point and you've not gotten over it. It may be somebody who did something at some point and you've just not been able to move past it, to move forward. When we experience peace in our relationships, it's because we've chosen love over all the other options. Sometimes we might think of it this way an enemy is those that we've taken an offense from Jesus tells us in in Luke's gospel chapter 18 that Offenses will come It is a part of life to experience an offense, if you will, to be hurt by someone. We live in a broken world filled with broken, imperfect people. And friends, if you're ever going to rub shoulders with broken, imperfect people, you're going to be hurt. You're going to be offended. You're going to be mistreated. You're going to take an offense of some kind. But have you ever found that it seems like some people are looking to be offended? I don't mean they're looking to be one. They're just looking to be offended, it seems at times. Like everything in his offense. And the reality is if you go around looking to be offended, you will be. You'll experience it, but yet Jesus again taught us that offense is going to come. I love this thought that I heard recently, and I think it's so true. Listen to this carefully. Being offended is inevitable. Living offended is a choice. You're going to be hurt. You're going to be mistreated. Someone's going to say something that's going to bother you someone is going to do something that may harm you even deeply Being offended is inevitable, but living offended is a choice You might experience that but you don't have to live with it You don't have to go on in life carrying it But many times we do don't we? We take those offenses and we hold on to them and we walk on with them. But what does he say to do? He says, bless. Bless those who persecute you. Bless, curse not. The word bless here means to speak well of, to wish the best for someone. Who? Those who hurt you. Those who attack you, those who harm you, those who speak evil of you, those who hurt you with their words, those who hurt you with your actions, bless them. And I know the question you ask, how? Because that's not natural. When that happens, that's not the way I want to respond. My flesh has no interest in responding in that way. How do we do it? We'll go back to verse 1 of this chapter. What is all of these commands predicated on? I beseech you therefore brethren by what? The mercies of God. Listen friends, responding this way to people when they do us wrong being offended not living offended doesn't come if we focus on the effect comes when we focus on jesus Because the mercies of God are given to us by whom? Jesus all the promises of God are in him in Christ Yay, and amen all the promises of God to us we have because of Jesus and he tells us I beseech you by the mercies of God Look at Jesus don't focus on the offense Look at the cross Look at the cross. And when you focus on Jesus, you can live what Paul wrote, I am crucified with Christ. Nevertheless, I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth in me. Was Christ one who was offended and carried offense? I mean, can you imagine if Jesus lived offended? Can you imagine if when people spoke ill of him, spoke evil against him falsely, can you imagine if people harmed him, did him wrong, and Jesus just lived with that offense, lived offended? I think some of the gospel stories would have been a little different than what we read. Focus on Jesus. And then Paul goes on to say there in Romans 12, one, when we do that, we present our bodies a living sacrifice. Listen, friends, worship is not just the songs you sing, worship is the life you live. Worship is the life you live, and this is a way that you can worship God. Paul goes on in Romans chapter 12, he tells us part of this is that we can't be proud, we can't be conceited. We can't think of ourselves more highly than we should. Listen to what he wrote in Ephesians chapter 4 and verse 2, writing to those of us, again, who are believers in the context of the church. He said, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another, what? In love. That peace, that relational peace is the product of choosing love. The Old Testament even had something to say about this. Proverbs chapter 19 and verse number 11, listen to this statement. The discretion of a man deferreth his anger and it is his glory to what? Pass over a transgression. It's a man's glory to, if you will, overlook a transgression, to move on from a wrong or a hurt. Instead of focusing on the offense, look at Christ and choose to pass over it. Literally let it go. This is a form of forgiveness. It's to put it away, to pass over it, to account as it never happened. Now you might say, well, I just can't get over it. I can't move on, I can't let it go. But friends, it's not that you can't, it's you choose not to. Being offended is inevitable, but living offended is a choice. You can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth you. I'm not saying that there are hurts that aren't terrible. I'm not saying that there are things that you can experience that are very traumatic. That is all true. But living with it is a choice. It's a choice that you make. And love is the answer. Your life is too short. Your calling is too great to live offended. I love this thought that I heard. And it really speaks to our relationships. Love doesn't seek to win an argument. It seeks to protect the relationship. Have you ever found yourself in that place where you were in a conversation with someone and you were listening, but the purpose of listening was just so you could find that little loophole and you could win the argument? You could be the one who's right in the situation. Have you ever thought about this? Jesus didn't call us to be right, he called us to be loving. That's what he commanded of us in relationships to love. And if you're going to love in your relationships, love doesn't seek to win an argument, it seeks to protect the relationship. I thought as I prepared and as I studied and listened to some preaching along these lines and I thought of a situation in my life where I was confronted by someone about something, a younger person, and I was a little combative in my response. And to this day, I believe in that situation. I was right. But I failed to be loving as I should. And that kind of behavior hurts relationship. Have you ever experienced that? Yes, you were right. You may have even won the argument. The other person was wrong. But you failed to love. And maybe that relationship was irreparably damaged. Being offended is inevitable, but living offended is a choice. Choose love to experience peace in your relationships. And then I want you to see this finally and very simply here. Take responsibility. Look at verse 18 again, and don't miss this. What's he say there in Romans chapter 12 in verse number 18? He says, as much as lieth what? In you. live peaceably with all men. In you. What does Paul tell us? Being at peace with others, being at peace in relationship isn't others' responsibility. It's your responsibility. It's on you. And so take responsibility. How? How can you experience peace in relationships then? Peace in relationships is the product of choosing love over all other options. So what do you need to do tonight to experience relational health, peace? Maybe there's someone that God brings to mind that you need to reconcile with. Maybe there's someone that there's been an offense in some way and you've been living offended. Yes, it takes two to reconcile, but it only takes one to forgive. Forgive as much as lies in you. Live peaceably with all men. Within your relationships, choose love over all the other options. In choosing love, you are choosing the best path for experiencing relational peace. And you can't experience peace with people without choosing love. So remember, peace with others is on you. It's your responsibility. And you'll only have that when you choose love over all other options. I believe this Christmas season, God wants us to experience peace. And for many of us, relational peace may be challenging. Care for one another like family. Treat enemies better than they deserve. Take responsibility. Choose love over all the other options. And that will be the best path to experiencing peace with people.