Sorry, I didn't see you walk out. My name's Tony. My name's Kelly. Kelly, how are you, Kelly? Good, how are you? Good. Did you stop for a Bible or something? Stopped for prayer. Oh, okay, okay. We're both, I guess. Do you have a Bible? I do, I have one. Okay. So, how can we be praying for you? Um, well, I've been struggling with like mental health and like that's led me to do like How long's this been going on Can I ask how old you are you seem pretty young okay, okay, so Kelly let me ask you what what are your spiritual beliefs and Well, I believe Jesus died on the cross for me. I'm a Christian. I've grown up with that in the household my whole life. Once I was put into foster care, I was like, God, why'd you let this happen? I grew up my whole life believing in you. How long ago was that? When I was 13. So for the last five years, you've kind of been wondering. Yeah. So many, many children, my children, were all raised going to church. Paul, he's a young man, he's a teenager, he's been raised going to church. But going to church on Sunday no more makes us a Christian than going over here to Kentucky Fried Chicken makes us a chicken breast or a thigh. I'll never become a piece of fried chicken because I go to Kentucky Fried Chicken. So Kelly, if you were to die today, and obviously I don't want that, But if you were to die today, and you were standing before God, and God asked, Kelly, why should I allow you into my kingdom? What would you say? I wouldn't have an answer. Okay, I appreciate your honesty. You know you can have an answer? Okay. So I grew up going to a Catholic church. Not a Christian church, but a Catholic church. And I went because I had to. Right? Mom and Dad said, we're going to church on Sunday. That's what I did. And I never recall a time, Kelly, when I didn't believe that there was a God who made everything, that Jesus was born of a virgin, that he was God in the flesh, that he died on the cross and rose from the grave. But it really didn't mean anything to me beyond just those facts in my head. And so I grew up never being sure. And I hoped, I hoped it would work out for me in the end, right? In my mind, I was hoping that, you know, God would weigh my good against my bad, and he would seem more good than bad, and then he would let me into heaven because of that. And so I grew up thinking that way. I got to about your age, 18, started attending a community college, and I met a girl there who would now be my wife for 37 years. And she was going to a Methodist church. I had no idea what a Methodist church was. But I started to go to church with her, not because I had found God, but because I wanted to get the girl. That's why I went. And so I started going to church. They found out I could sing a little bit. They needed men in the choir. So they sprinkled me into the Methodist church and they gave me a robe with a cross on it. And now I'm singing in the church on Sunday. And I thought, well, God's gotta be pleased with that, right? So I would get married. And a couple of years after I got married, I would get hired by the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Department as a deputy sheriff out in California. And I thought, wow, well, God must be pleased with that. I'm one of the good guys now. I got a badge and a gun and everything. And I started working the jails. And I saw every day the worst that man could do to his fellow man in that environment. And I began to grow a hatred for people regardless of the color of their skin if they didn't wear the uniform I wore. And in fact my hatred grew so much that I enjoyed verbally and sometimes even physically abusing inmates because they were the bad guys and I'm a good guy. And then I would go to church on Sunday and sing in the choir as if everything was fine. One night I was working in a jail that was called an open compound, meaning it was medium security. The inmates lived in barracks, not in cells. There was about 120 inmates in a barrack. And so on any given day, there was about 1,200 inmates to about 12 deputies. And we tried to maintain this illusion that we were in charge and in control, right? And one night in working in that environment, I overheard one of my sergeants talking to a couple of other deputies about his Christian faith. And so wanting to impress that sergeant, I said, hey Sarge, I'm a Christian, I sing in the choir. And he looked at me, Kelly, he smiled and he said two words, he said, that's nice. He wasn't sarcastic or anything, he just said, that's nice. And Kelly, I turned around and walked away and I knew at that moment that I wasn't a Christian. I didn't know what it meant to be a Christian, but I knew at that moment I wasn't one. And it would be that sergeant who would communicate the gospel to me, and he began by assuring me that I wasn't a good person. In fact, there's nothing I could do to be good enough to earn heaven. It didn't matter that I went to church on Sunday and sang in the choir. It didn't matter that I wore a badge on my chest and was a deputy sheriff. God wasn't going to count those things in my favor and let me into heaven because I go to church and I'm a deputy. In fact, when I died and stood before God, if God gave me what I deserved for breaking his law every day, if not with my mouth, in my mind, with my actions, I was gonna spend eternity in hell as the just punishment for that sin. And then he explained the gospel to me. He explained to me that God the Father sent his son to earth in the person of Jesus Christ, truly God, truly man, and without sin. As God in the flesh, he lived a perfect life for some 33 years that I couldn't live for 33 seconds. Yet, even though he knew no sin, and all I knew was sin, but yet even though he knew no sin, He voluntarily went to that cross, he suffered and died a horrific bloody death he did not deserve to take upon himself the punishment I rightly deserve for my sins against God. And then he forever defeated sin and death when he rose from the grave. But it wasn't enough for me to simply believe that in my head, to just nod my head in agreement and say, okay, I could buy that, that's true, sure, I'll believe that. I actually had to believe in my heart. And the only way I could believe in my heart is if God actually changed my heart, literally caused me to be born again. And so on September 4th in 1988, I cried out to the Lord to forgive my sin and to receive Jesus Christ as my Lord and my Savior. So before that time, Kelly, if someone asked me the question, Hey, Tony, if you were to die today and stood before God and God asked, why should I allow you into my kingdom? I would either answer like you did, I don't know, or I might've answered, well, I've done this, and I'm going to church, and I'm married, and I have children, and I'm a deputy sheriff, and yeah, nobody's perfect, but I try to do the right thing. I would've answered that way. Or I would've said, I don't know. But because God has saved me, because I know Jesus Christ is my Lord and my Savior, I can answer this way. If God were to ask me that question today, I would begin by saying, you have no reason, if you just look at me, God, there's no reason for you to allow me into heaven. Because I've broken your law, I've sinned against you. I know what I deserve. What I deserve is help for my sin. but I know you're going to allow me into heaven, not because I'm good, not because of anything I've done. In fact, in spite of what I've done, I know you're going to allow me into heaven because you allowed your son to die for my sins. And I've put my faith and my trust in him alone for my salvation. So I know I'm going to heaven. And with no context, that might sound arrogant. Well, gee, do you think you're so good you get to go to heaven? No, it's the exact opposite. I know I'm going to heaven because of the goodness of God. Because there's no goodness in me. None. And so, Kelly, you can have hope. You can have real hope, real assurance that when you die and stand before God, that he will welcome you into his kingdom. but you have to come to God on His terms. The Bible says, Jesus said, I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father but through me. You have to put your faith and your trust in Christ alone for your salvation. And Kelly, if God changes your heart, if He causes you to be born again, and you believe that gospel in your heart, Kelly, He's going to forgive your sin, all of it. The Bible says he'll remove it as far as the east is from the west, and he'll remember it no more. You'll be reconciled to the God you've offended by your sin, and you'll have the assurance of eternal life, not because you're good, but because of the goodness of God that would allow his son to die for sinners like you and me. Kelly, you can have hope. You can have real hope. Kelly, I've struggled with things like anxiety and depression in my life, too. I have. I know how real that is. I know how much that hurts. And I can assure you, Kelly, that there's not a medication that's gonna make it all better. The only thing that will change that is reconciliation to God. through faith in Jesus Christ. It's not a promise, Kelly, that your life's gonna be perfect. It's not a promise that you're never gonna have a bad thought again. It's not a promise that your heart's not gonna be broken at some time. No, God's promises are much better than all of that. His promises are forgiveness of sin, and the assurance of eternal life and so good are his promises and so sure are his promises that no matter how much this world hurts, Kelly, no matter how much pain you endure in this life, you can have hope even in the midst of all of that because of what Jesus Christ did on the cross for sinners like us. There's hope for you. There is hope, real hope for you, Kelly. And it's not my promise, it's the promise of God. If you will but put your faith and your trust in Jesus Christ alone for your salvation. I'm living proof. I'm living proof of that. And again, that says nothing about me. That says everything about who Jesus is. There's hope. Put your faith and your trust in Christ alone for your salvation. Are you attending church anywhere? No. I went to Legacy off of Jersey Ridge. And I went there for like 20 minutes. And I just got so overwhelmed. And I was like, I haven't been to church in years. Overwhelmed because it was just so big? What overwhelmed you? I think it was like, in my head, I was just kind of like, I'm a sinner and I'm coming to church like I haven't sinned before. And I know it's kind of silly. Right, because Jesus even said, I did not come for the righteous, but for sinners. He didn't come for good people, because there are none, Kelly. The Bible says none of us are good. He didn't come for good people. He came for sinners. He came for sinners. He died on the cross for people like you and me who need forgiveness for our sins. So these struggles that you're having with your emotions, is it mainly depression, or is it anxiety and depression, or is it something else? It's a little bit of both. Just recently, my doctor was like, oh yeah, you have bipolar disorder. And I think that is kind of what tipped the barrel, because I was like, just more labels to put on me, and then it just kind of overwhelmed me, because I was like, I felt like it was making me more of a sinner just by having this label on me. Jesus didn't come down here and get depression or anxiety or bipolar disorder. Maybe he did, I don't know. So, Kelly, first of all, I'm no doctor, okay? But here's what I know for certain. Man doesn't know hardly anything about the human brain. This beautiful, intricate organ and machine that God created Man knows hardly nothing about that, nothing at all. And what man tries to do with those labels is they try to, they're trying to put band-aids on mortal wounds. When a person comes to faith in Christ, God gives them a new heart with new desires. And the Bible talks often about the renewing of the mind, the renewing of the mind. We're actually given not only a new heart, but a new mind. And we're able to think rightly about our emotions. We're able to think rightly about our circumstances. Now I said rightly, I didn't say perfectly. Okay, because I haven't had a perfect day in my life. I'm 58 years old. But when we come to faith in Jesus Christ, when a person comes to faith in Jesus Christ, they're not only freed from the penalty of sin, which is eternity in hell, they're also freed from the power of sin in their lives. And things like depression and anxiety, worry, fear, those all come from a place of not trusting God, which is a sin, which is a sin. And you can receive not only forgiveness for that, But you could receive healing for that as well, in that Jesus died not only to take upon himself the penalty of our sin, but he died so that we could be freed from the power of our sin. And when a person comes to faith in Christ, they're filled with the Holy Spirit. And the Holy Spirit convicts us of sin and righteousness and judgment and leads us into all truth. The Bible, which prior to that is simply a book to us, comes alive. We're able to understand it in ways we couldn't understand it before we came to faith in Christ. And the Bible is filled with encouragement. For people who struggle with anxiety and fear and worry and depression, there are people in the Bible who struggled with those things. And we're shown in God's Word how trusting in God, how trusting in the Lord with all of our heart and leaning not on our own understanding, but in all our ways acknowledging Him, He will make our paths straight. The Bible says that to be anxious for nothing, but in everything, through prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, make your requests known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. Will guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. The Bible teaches us how to take every thought captive. Because that's where the battle begins. The battle begins in the mind. The decisions we make, the things we do, begin with thoughts in our head. The Bible says, whoever hates another person is a murderer. Murder begins with hatred in the heart. It moves to the mind where it comes up with a plan. And it may or may not ever get to the hand where it carries out the act. But the murder began in here, began in our heart, began in our mind. Well, through faith in Jesus Christ, with the help of God's people, with the truth of his word, our minds can be renewed. Our minds can be restored. We could take every thought captive. We could think differently about ourselves, about our circumstances. We could take those thoughts captive and we can think the way we ought to. in ways that brings glory to God. I'm not saying it's easy, but I'm telling you, Kelly, that if you put your faith and trust in Jesus Christ, He will give you a new heart and He will renew your mind. So, I've said a whole lot of stuff. What are you thinking? I learned many years ago that the best thing I can do is to stop listening to myself and start telling myself the truth. Right right and so much so much of anxiety and depression is just that it's leaning on our own understanding It's it's it's it's trusting in our circumstances And and it's telling ourselves lives and believing and believing lies That that's what leaning on our own understanding is And so in Christ, in Christ, you can learn how to not lean on your own understanding. And the Bible's filled with help for that. But it all begins, it all begins, Kelly, with putting your faith and your trust in Jesus Christ alone for your salvation. And the reason for that, the reason for that isn't simply to have a renewed mind. It isn't so that you'll have your best life now, The reason for that is to be reconciled to the God you've offended by your sin. And Kelly, if God does that in your life, he's going to, you mentioned being in foster care. The beauty of salvation is adoption. God literally adopts you as his own child. Literally, the Bible uses that word, adoption. There are, I don't know, 15 or 16 children in our church who are adopted. Paul was adopted. When a person is adopted, they're given a new name, they're often given new clothes, and they're given a new home. When God adopts a person through faith in Jesus Christ, He gives them a new name. They're no longer called wretched sinner. They're no longer called condemned. They're no longer called hopeless. They're now called beloved. They're now called son or daughter of the Most High God. They're now called forgiven. When God adopts a person into His forever family through faith in Christ, they're given new clothes. Before that adoption, we're clothed only in our sin. But when He adopts us through faith in Christ, He clothes us in the righteousness of His Son, the pure white garments of His Son. so that when we stand before God, He no longer sees the filthy garments of our sin. Instead, He sees the righteousness of His Son. And when He adopts a person through faith in His Son, Jesus Christ, He gives them a new home. This world is no longer our home. Hell is no longer our destination. Hell is no longer our destination because Jesus said, I go to prepare a place for you. our new home's heaven. That's the beauty of adoption. And if you'll put your faith and your trust in Christ alone for your salvation, he will adopt you, Keller. And he will never leave you or forsake you. He will never turn his back on you. Ever. A loving father disciplines his children, and a loving father will discipline a child who's disobeying. But it's not out of anger and wrath or to cast aside that child. It's with love for that child that a father disciplines a child. But God promises in His Word that for His children, He will never leave them or forsake them. Ever. The Apostle Paul once wrote, For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. So turn to Christ. Turn to Christ and live. And you will have hope. Do you have a tract, Paul? So look, no salesman's gonna come to your door, okay? But you said you don't have a church home, and I would welcome you to come visit us. This is our website here, gracefellowshipqc.com. Do you live in this area? You know where the Walmart is off of West Kimberley? If you keep going on Kimberley, maybe a half mile, we're on the left-hand side, we're right there. so the doors open and love for you to come now you said you had a Bible you know where it is yeah okay I would encourage you to open it up even today start reading the Gospel of John read it anywhere it's all profitable because it's all God's Word but I think I think the Gospel of John would be a great encouragement to you today do you have any questions thoughts Because again, I've done most of the talking, so I want to make sure, like, if you have any questions, or... I think it was time that I listened today. Okay. Yeah, I feel like a lot of times I'll hear these things, and there's a lot of buts, or ors, or ands, and so I feel like today I think I was just supposed to listen. Okay. Well, I hope the Lord will use it in your life, and I hope He draws you to Himself, and... And I hope you'll put your faith and your trust in Christ alone. And I hope you'll be able to say, I know. I know he's going to welcome me into his kingdom because of Jesus Christ. Thanks. Can I write down my number for you? Would that be all right? And again, all I know is you're Kelly, so you're not going to be getting any text or calls from me. My wife's name is Maria. It's spelled a little funny. I'm going to put her name down, too. That's my number. I want you to feel free to text or call anytime you'd like. If you have questions or you just need some encouragement, I'd be happy to. And if you'd like, maybe sometime you can come have dinner with me and my wife. We still have one daughter at home. You're welcome. And certainly, you're welcome at our church. Our church is filled with people in desperate need of the Savior. Right? There's not a single good person in our church. They're all people who need Christ. And you're welcome. God bless you, Kelly. Thank you so much for your time. Alright.