2 Samuel 13 will be the text tonight and verse 1 says, after this Absalom the son of David had a lovely sister whose name was Tamar and Amnon the son of David loved her. What is love? Now that is a question that I will try to answer tonight. It's a good question to ask, it's an honest question. It's also the name of a song. I'm not trying to be cute tonight, but I want you to think about something. What Is Love was the name of a hit pop song that debuted in 1993, written by an artist named Hathaway. And if you haven't heard of it, you're probably better off for not having heard of it. It's known for its catchy refrain, What Is Love, Baby Don't Hurt Me, Baby Don't Hurt Me No More. It's a song that's known more for its beat than for its words. It's actually a very confusing song. What is, how are we getting at in this song? What is love? In fact, he's been asked that in a 2015 interview. The artist of this song said, people always ask me about what I meant. I meant that what is love needs to be defined by everyone by his own definition. It's unique. an individual. Love needs to be defined by everyone by his own definition. It's unique and individual. Now, I quote that because Hathaway really captures our culture very well. Whether it be in regards to love or many different things, man's his own ruler. He can define his own life. I think it's also useful to think about this because as Christians, and perhaps as reformed Christians, we can fall into an understanding that our doctrine is shaped by God's word. But we can forget about practical things and the practice of our life. It's also shaped by God's word. So I want to ask you tonight, What is love? How do you understand love? Do you realize that love, whether it be romantic love, whether it be a fatherly love or a brotherly love, is defined and we're directed to what that is through scripture. And I want to speak to you on this theme tonight. If 2 Samuel 13 has a theme, and I believe it does, it's really false love, what love is not. I wanna look at these four examples here, these four main characters and learn from them. This is a very difficult passage. The scriptures were written, Paul says, for our instruction. The Old Testament, specifically, was written for our instruction. One of the reasons why we know that the scripture we should be inclined to think that the scriptures are God's word, and they're infallible, is because the authors of the Old Testament, being inspired by God, did not hide all the terrible things that happen even to our heroes. King David, Old Testament heroes. Second Samuel 11, David commits adultery and murder, and he lies, he despises God's commandment. Second Samuel 12, Nathan rebukes him of this. And we see a measure of resolve, there's repentance, there's confession, genuine confession of sin. David is given mercy, he's even given some temporary success as a king. But we have this awful promise It's awful in the sense of it just kind of gets to you, your stomach if you will. In verses 11 of chapter 12, Nathan says to David, thus says the Lord, behold, I raise up adversity against you from your own house. What we see beginning in chapter 13 is this promise, this prophecy being unraveled. It really goes all the way to chapter 19. And we can learn a lot from that, and we will over the next couple chapters, but specifically in chapter 13, we learn something about what love is not, and therefore, as we glance at other passages of scripture, what love is. True love is defined by God's word. not merely, merely is a key word there, not merely by one's emotions, or merely by one's help, correction, and protection of others. Things that would otherwise we might use to help us understand or to define love. but not merely those things. True love is defined, just like everything else really, defined by God's word, not merely by one's emotions, nor help, correction, and protection of others. That's the lesson tonight, and I wanna bring this lesson to you under four points. We're gonna look at this through the lens of these people, through their experience. This is history. God's word comes to us in many cases through history, stories. And I want you to see four things tonight. Let's look at Amnon. Biblical love and emotions. We're looking at love from a romantic perspective, if you will, from an emotional perspective. Biblical love in Amnon. Now Amnon says that he loves Tamar. The text says that in verse one. Amnon, the son of David, loved her. He says this to Jonadab at the end of verse four. I love Tamar. But does Amnon really love Tamar? Amnon has not true love, not biblical love for Tamar, but he has lust. His emotions are boiling over into lust. What he thinks is love is really just lust. He's controlled by glands and by his eyes than anything, not by scripture. Of course, Tamar is a lovely woman. She's beautiful. She's a virgin. She's available. But he can't have her because she's his sister. Tamar was the daughter of David and the daughter of another woman, not the same mother as Amnon. 2 Samuel chapter 3. Verses two and three says, sons were born to David in Hebron. His firstborn was Amnon by Ahinoam, the Jezreelites. His second, Caleb by Abigail, the widow of Nabal, the Carmelite. The third, Absalon, the son of Makah, the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur. And as such, Tamar is Amnon's sister, and she is, according to God's law, hands off. He cannot have her, he has his wife. Leviticus 18.9 points that out. And Amnon can't have her. He's frustrated. He's fueled by his eyes, and especially the men. We need to be very careful about our eyes and what we look at. I believe it's more of a problem with men than women. It's not, of course, only men. But one of the reasons why I say that is not just because of my experience, but this own passage of Scripture. There's an emphasis. The text emphasizes the fact that Amnon wanted to see Tamar. Verse 5. The verse says, Please let my sister Tamar come and give me food. prepare the food in my sight, that I may see it and eat from her hand." Now why? Why does Amnon want that? Why is that necessary? Well, he knows his own sinful nature. He knows what gets him excited and he wants to see this beautiful woman. The same thing in verse 6, "...please let Tamar, my sister, come, make a couple of cakes for me in my sight." In my sight. We have this again. in verse 8, that she took flour and kneaded it and made cakes in his sight. This is not love. This is lust. I want to make an important note, an important distinction. The Bible is not anti-romance. It's not anti-romance and emotion, okay? There's many places where I could go to that. God created romance, if you will, biblical romance. We looked at, we could go to the creation account and see that Adam made, or God made for Adam, Eve, first as a companion, but there would be intimacy. God is not anti-emotions in that sense. Proverbs 5. verses 18 and 19, something that you could reference maybe later, but there's language there that a husband would always be entrapped with her love, the love of his wife. What's being described there? Well, romance. Okay, so I'm not saying, nor does the Bible say that love cannot be emotional. That a husband can't be entrapped with his wife and be emotional. But that is not at the essence, nor is that emphasized in the Bible for love. And think about our culture, the culture that you're living in. What is emphasized with love? It's emotion. It's really more lust and pleasure. The idol of pleasure, the idol of beauty come to the surface in our culture. But scripture defines love without doing away with emotion. It defines love Romantic love, first as a commitment and a service. And I'll just quote Ephesians 5.25 as an example. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church. Christ gave himself for the church. The church wanted to crucify him, okay? I mean, he's committed to the church. He serves the church, and that is a huge point without doing away with emotion. It's a huge point. Amnon does not love Tamar. I hope that every man here, whether you're married or not married, that you would not think in these terms. Any man who's driven by his glands more than his heart needs to rethink things. Needs to rethink things. If my love for my wife was dependent upon her beauty, which she is, beautiful, if it was dependent upon that, what would happen? If she became sick? She lost her hair. Am I no longer under obligation to love her? Is my love defined by just my emotions? The same could be said about a woman as well, the cuteness of a man, his charm. We must not pay too attention to that. The scriptures say charm is deceitful and beauty is passing. but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. That's our focus. Our world puts too much weight upon emotions and what would really be lust and not commitment between one man and one woman based upon Christ to glorify him. One thing I found very helpful that I'll mention, I think very practically, for especially those who are married, Dr. Beeke writes that, he says, on the day I was married, I began praying, Lord, help me to define beauty by my wife's body. Addressing again that emotional aspect of love. Without doing it away, we need to emphasize it properly. And I find that very useful. Lord, help me to define beauty by my wife's body. So biblical love and emotions. and really looking at love from a romantic perspective. Now, I want us to look at love from a brotherly perspective with the next two people. Let's look at Jonadab, biblical love and helping others. Now, we see something about brotherly love here. Now, Jonadab, he's helping Amnon, but he's not really helping Amnon, is he? We see that Jonadab in verse 3, the text says, but Amnon had a friend whose name was Jonadab, the son of Shimea, David's brother. Now, Jonadab was a very crafty man. Now, the text can be translated very wise man, but it rightly says crafty because it's wisdom that's not directed according to scripture, not directed with integrity according to God's word. Gordon Keddy defines or explains Jonadab one of our ministers in our denomination. He is a consummate politician. He gets the job done. He figures out a way to get the job done. He's helping Amnon, but he's not really helping Amnon. He has no loyalty to Amnon. If you notice, John Adeb takes a decent amount of text in this chapter. Later on in the text, in the chapter, he knows what's going on. And his loyalty is not really with Amnon. He knows that Absalom was being malicious and wanted to kill him. And he doesn't warn Amnon. He knows about this before it comes. If you pick up on that, before the men come, he knows that the report is false. He wasn't there, but he knows. Many commentators, I think this is worth mentioning, will say that John Adab was in league with Absalom, maybe jockeying for more power in the royal home. He's not loyal to Amnon, he's not really helping him. Now, it's interesting, we can be confused on this issue, because helping people is a way you can love them. I mean, there's many ways in which when we help people, in all other factors, we are loving them. But we have to be helping them according to scripture. If someone comes to you and they say, kids, maybe your siblings will say, don't tell mommy and daddy, tell them this, just say this. What do they say? What are they asking you to do? They're asking you to lie. Now, you would be helping them in some sense, but you would be violating scripture. Gangs, we heard a little bit about that during the prayer request time. I mean, gangs have a sense of loyalty and unity, and they help each other. But what are they doing oftentimes? They're violating scripture. They're violating scripture. What should Jonadab have done if he really loved his brother? He would have rebuked Amnon. It wouldn't have helped him in any sense. He would have rebuked him. We looked at that a little bit last week. Leviticus 19, 17 through 18 talks about how when you rebuke your brother, you're loving them. That's what Jonadab should have done if he wanted to love Amnon. Biblical love and helping others. Let's look at Absalom. continue to think about biblical love in the context of brotherly love, biblical love in correcting others, correcting others. Now, Absalom, what's he doing? Well, he loves Tamar, his sister, and he's correcting the situation. A great injustice has been done. David, we'll talk about him in a minute, he's not doing what he should do, so Absalom's gonna do what he should do. He's gonna correct the situation. And I want us to think about Absalom for a moment, kind of put ourselves in his shoes. We need to identify a little bit with Absalom. We prayed for those who are victims of abuse. Put yourself in Absalom's shoes. If you notice, I kind of skipped over the Tamar Tamar a little bit. I want you to put yourself in Tamar's shoes. Tamar was a victim of a great injustice. I mean the Bible emphasizes injustice. Perhaps we don't emphasize it enough. Perhaps we're not sensitive enough to people who are victims of abuse. Isaiah 117, learn to do good, seek justice, rebuke the oppressor, defend the fatherless, plead for the widow, in one place in scripture. Tamar, this is just a very difficult passage of scripture to deal with. The text says in verse 20, so Tamar remained desolate in her brother Absalom's house. What happened to her was devastating. She became a widow before she was married. I mean, this in their culture, I mean, she had a robe of many colors. This was a sign of her virginity, a sign of her being available. She lost that. She put ashes on her head. full of shame, if you notice that. She says this to Amnon, verse 13, and I, where could I take my shame? As for you, you would be like one of the fools in Israel. I want to note that just by way of exposition, she says in that verse, now therefore please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you. Now, we should read scripture with understanding. There's times where things that are said in the Bible, they're not meant to be taken as true. All of the scripture, of course, is infallible, and it's true in that sense, as a record of what happened. We shouldn't take Tamar's words here as being a proper commentary on scripture. We should not think that David should have given Tamar to Amnon. It still would have been against the law. But my point is this, is that think about it from Absalom's perspective. A great injustice has been done, and he wants to correct it. So what does he do? Well, he very craftily and maliciously corrects the situation. Verse 23, it came to pass after two full years that Absalom had sheep shearers in Belhazer. Now it appears from a review of scripture that the king's sons would have also had honest employment. Absalom appears to have had livestock in this area and this was a time of rejoicing and giving thanks and so it would have been normal to have people come and celebrate with him and give thanks to God. Now it's been two full years, time has gone by, maybe Absalom isn't really upset. If you'll notice the text in verse 22, so that Absalom spoke to his brother Amnon neither good nor bad, But he hated Amnon. What's Absalom doing? He's being malicious. He's planning. He's plotting. If he would have said bad things to Amnon, then David would have been much more aware. Maybe he's up to something. And of course he couldn't have said good things. He hated Amnon. So he said nothing. He's planning maliciously his plot. He speaks to David in a very crafty way. It's a common way of speaking to, if you want something that's right here, to ask for something that's far greater. What does David do? Well, I'm not going to burden you, but I'll let the crown prince come, which is what Absalom really wanted. Absalom's scheming. He's smart. He's got it all planned out. He's going to run off to granddaddy. He knows he's gonna kill Amnon, then flee with his companions to Geshur, to his mother's father, the king of Geshur, Talmai, the son of Ahimehud, king of Geshur. It's all planned out. Now, is this love? Is he really demonstrating love for Tamar? No. He's in some sense correcting the situation, but he's really not. Biblical love and correcting others. It's never right to get even. to take vengeance. That's what I want you to think about. Taking vengeance. Deuteronomy 32, 35. Vengeance is mine and recompense. Paul picks up that verse and says, the Lord says, vengeance is mine, I will repay. We can't forget the doctrine of providence. If we're not in a position of authority and of power like David was, then we can't take into our own hands. Proverbs 20 verse 22, Do not say, I will recompense evil. Wait for the Lord and He will save you. Wait for the Lord and He will save you. Now we don't get even, but we can do many things in regards to injustice. Joel had a very appropriate prayer request tonight. I think of There's many injustices. Think of abortion. We should appeal. We should appeal for the unborn and for their rights. We should pray. We should pray. That message should go forth. But we shouldn't break, in the name and in the honor of the sixth commandment, we shouldn't go bomb an abortion clinic. breaking the sixth commandment in itself. We have to wait on the Lord and go about it the right way. That would really be loving for Tamar, for Absalom to care for her, but not to take it into his own hands. Biblical love and correcting others. Let's look at biblical love and protecting others. Let's look at David. biblical love and protecting others. And here we transition from not just romantic love and brotherly love, but what it means to love as a father, or maybe one in authority. Now, what David does, again, identify with David a little bit. What's he doing in this passage that could be related to the idea of love? He's protecting his sons. In one sense, from the penal sanctions of the law, both things that they did were worthy of death according to the law, but also their reputation. I want you to think about it a little bit. Think about David for a moment. Time has passed. His sons have gotten older. And we know from this chapter and from at least with Absalom a couple of next chapters. These two boys, they were unconverted to say the least. They were reprobate sons. They were evil sons. And what David is concerned with is their reputation. He doesn't want to expose what they might be capable of doing. What am I talking about? Well, let's go back to the conversation he has with Amnon. Verse 6, and Amnon laid down and pretended to be ill. When the king came to see him, Amnon said to the king, Please let Tamar, my sister, come and make a couple of cakes for me in my sight that I may eat from her hand. Pause for a moment. That is weird. That's strange. What a strange request. Why? What does David do? He doesn't even ask a question. Little Johnny's not capable of that. Certainly he's not up. Little Amnon, as it was a word, Little Amnon's not up to do something that evil. I'm not going to pursue this. I'm not gonna ask difficult questions. Sometimes as parents, and in other cases as elders, we need to ask questions. Now David asked Absalom a question. He doesn't investigate it. Verse 26, Absalom wants Amnon. He specifically mentions Amnon. David thinking, well maybe something's not right. He says, why should he go with you? But he doesn't explore that. The text says in verse 27, Absalom urged him, we should understand that there's no real investigation going on. David's thinking to himself, little Johnny wouldn't be up to anything. Little Absalom wouldn't be up to anything. Proverbs 25.2 says, it is the glory of God to conceal a matter, but the glory of kings is to search out a matter. David loves his sons more than he loves God. And he's trying to protect their reputation. Certainly they would not do such evil things. I'm not going to even entertain the idea. Then he protects them from the penal sanctions of the law. Again, I want you to think about this from David's perspective. This is David's son, Amnon. The law says for Amnon to die. He's raped. He's committed incest, both things are guilty of death. Deuteronomy 22 verse 23 and following. The only thing that David does is get angry. You read in verse 21, when King David heard of all these things he was very angry. Well good, that's correct. And that's all it said there. David is, he has the power of the sword in his own hands. And he doesn't act upon it. He loves his sons more than he loves God. And the same basic thing with Absalom at the end, and we know this from the remaining chapters. Verse 39, and King David longed to go to Absalom. He mourned for Absalom, but he does not have the guts, as it were. His sword is dull. He's not doing what God would have him to do in this situation. First Samuel 3, 13 is a verse about Eli, and David's following Eli's footsteps. First Samuel 3, 13, For I have told him that I will judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knows, because his sons made themselves vile, and he did not restrain them. Now, I want you to think about this for a moment. Here's a question. I want to mention two things by way of application. One would be this question. Should David have done anything to Ammon and Absalom? He committed the same sins as his sons, would it be hypocrisy for him to enforce the law on them when he was granted mercy and he did the same thing? David murdered and he committed adultery, sexual sin, very similar to what Amnon did. What should he have done? As a parent, as an elder, if they have committed these sins, are they now forbidden? There's been repentance, Okay? Which there has been in the life of David. Repentance. There's been mercy granted. Are they, in those situations, able to enforce God's law? And to call upon those under their authority to obey God? Imagine a teenage child in a Christian home goes off to college and they begin to party. They begin to live in a worldly way. And they say to their parents, now mom, dad, I've heard your stories. I've heard your stories. I know that you partied too. What does the parent do? Well, again. Perhaps there's a lot that I could say about this. David has repented. He's been granted mercy. Parents, obviously, shouldn't be partying. Elders shouldn't be doing those things. But just because they did that in the past doesn't mean they won't have the obligation and the right to enforce God's standards. If my authority as an elder, one of the elders, to rebuke depended upon my godliness entirely, there wouldn't be a lot of rebuking going on. It's God's law that children are breaking and that God's people are breaking. And I bring this up to you because if you are in a position of authority, if you are a parent, if you are an elder, and there has been repentance, sin in your life, mistakes you've made personally, there has been repentance and confession of sin. It doesn't mean that you can't enforce God's word upon people who make similar mistakes. I'm not encouraging hypocrisy. I'm not encouraging hypocrisy. Hypocrisy is a big problem. We need to stay away from that. But we also need to make sure that we exercise our authority on the right standard. It's God, God's law, God's word. I believe that there's been parents and there's been pastors and elders who have developed a dull sword because of their own sin. But when there's confession, when there's repentance, God's law needs to be enforced. Now the second thing I want to say is love. Love is not always easy, not always kind. It's very difficult. David needed to do something very difficult. And as parents and as elders, we're oftentimes called to do things that are difficult. What happens from this chapter? What does Absalom do? I mean, David's failure to punish Amnon led to another sin. David's failure to punish Absalom led to many other sins. Tough love is difficult, but it needs to be done. Now, true love is defined by God's Word, not merely by emotions, not merely by one's help, correction, or protection of others. I want to speak to you tonight. I want you to think of something, especially if you are a victim of abuse. The Lord Jesus Christ, though he seems absent from this passage of scripture, though he may seem absent from your life, he is the answer. If you're an elder or a civil magistrate, even if you're a parent and you've committed some of these things. The Lord Jesus Christ is the answer for you. He is the answer for your forgiveness. He is the answer for your strength to go forward. If you're a victim, like Tamar, of abuse, the Lord Jesus Christ can bring, can take away your shame, can restore what has been taken from you. And I want to mention that to you. I want to ask you, what is your understanding of love? What is your understanding of love? Is it defined by scripture? Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we come to you tonight and we come to you tonight in light of this passage of scripture that is very dark and discouraging. Father, we, in different degrees, in different ways, see ourselves in this chapter And we come to you tonight asking you to give us victory over our sin, give us strength to understand our life rightly, to live according to not our own desire and our own will and our own understanding but according to your word. Father, we thank you for the Lord Jesus Christ who enables the deficient parent to have restoration with you, to have forgiveness, to have strength to move forward. We thank you that through the Lord Jesus Christ we have been victims of great injustice or have not done anything to those who are victims. There is forgiveness, there is restoration with you. We ask that you would help us to understand love and all of its facets according to your word and to learn from this passage tonight. We pray in Jesus' name. Amen.