a few weeks ago and talking about how we might fit some things together. And I remembered that I taught on singleness a few years ago, and perhaps that that might fit into our study together. So that's where we're picking up. This is a little bit of an excursus, perhaps, from the main flow of Pastor Peter's teaching on parenting and childrearing. But I think one that we agreed that it does fit in, this matter of singleness, of the Christian single, and how we together, whether you're a single person in Christ Church, or a married person, or maybe even a young person praying about marriage one day and yet single, perhaps even those who have been widowed and have lost their spouse. There's a number of different scenarios here. We want to bring the Word of God to bear. We want to be helpful to one another. We want to be under the Word together and think carefully about these things. So I'm going to, I think I'll read a couple of passages of Scripture with you, and then we'll pray and jump right in. I'd like to begin actually at really at the beginning I think this is important for us to as it were set the table for this matter of marriage and singleness the single Christian Let's let's begin at the beginning a couple of couple of verses from Genesis chapter 1 verse So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him, male and female he created them. Then God blessed them and God said to them, be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it, have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth. And then chapter two of Genesis, something else we should keep in mind, is the way that God brought Adam a helper to him. Remember that the Lord's created all things very good. And in chapter 2, verse 18 of Genesis, we read of God looking to Adam, looking at the creature that he's made, the apex of his creation, man. Verse 18 of chapter 2, and the Lord God said, it is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. And then later, verse 21, And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept, and he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. And the rib which the Lord God had taken from man he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man. And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called Woman. because she was taken out of man. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh." And then to help us again think about the whole of God's revelation, a couple of verses from 1 Corinthians chapter 7. Of course the chapter begins, this is a chapter that we'll figure in, certainly prominently to our study and meditation together this morning. But a few verses from 1 Corinthians chapter 7 where Paul parses out some of these matters. A few verses here. Remember that Paul, at least at the point of writing this chapter, is single. Verse seven of 1 Corinthians 7. For I wish that all men were even as I myself, but each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, Let them marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." Maybe one more verse here from later on in the chapter. Verse 32, but I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world, how he may please his wife. And then verse 35, and this I say for your profit, Not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper and that you may serve the Lord without distraction. Let's pray together. Oh Lord, our God, we come to you delighting in your presence, delighting in communion with you. Lord, we come to you as the fountain of blessing and life and perfection and glory. You are our sun and shield. You will give grace and glory. We praise you for your promise that no good thing will you withhold from those who walk uprightly. Lord, teach us to delight in you, heavenly Father, through your son, Jesus Christ, and by your Holy Spirit. Give us carefulness and attention to your word as we consider this important matter of singleness within your church. Help us to consider one another well, to be wise, to be tenderhearted toward one another. In all things, teach us to be content. In all things, enable us to be self-controlled. And in this, to please you, oh God. Forgive our sins and teach us and exalt Christ even now. All this we pray in Jesus' name, amen. So I began a few moments ago talking about this matter of singleness, reading from Genesis chapters one and two and then first Corinthians seven, because I want to when we consider this matter of singleness, I want to walk a little bit of a tightrope. There's a bit of a of a needle that needs to be threaded. Right. This is we have to be we have to be careful. I don't want to, as it were, take away with one hand what I give with the other. I want to really begin by reminding us of God's original intention. We ought not to lose sight of this. You can go, I think in this matter of talking about singleness and the way that in our, again, our studies and meditating on the Christian family and how we parent our children, how we see our children raised, and then how even they in their time pursue godly marriage. I think we ought to be very careful here. We ought to remember several things, and the first really is God's original intention in nature. Nothing that I say today is intended to diminish in any way the original intention of God, and that original intention and that good estate is marriage. And I think we need to wholeheartedly affirm that, to not back away from it, but to acknowledge the goodness of God's creation and the goodness of what God made. I read to you those verses at the beginning of Genesis, chapter one, where God creates man male and female in his image. It's interesting, a good friend of our congregation, Chad Van Dixhorn, you'll remember Chad and Emily were here last year for our marriage conference. Chad writes this, I believe it's in his commentary on the Westminster Confession of Faith, the chapter on marriage. He writes this, and again, we're setting the table here and wanting to establish this clearly. Chad says that we need to remember that the pinnacle of creation is not one, but two. God created man, male and female. The high point is not A, human being, but a pair of them. The apex of creation is not a man, but a couple." Just any two, our Savior will pick up on the same words in Matthew chapter 19. It's one man and one woman together displaying in His fullness the image of God. I'm going to get to singleness in a minute, and we're going to emphasize that singleness is a godly estate. It's a calling for some, and it's a way that if you're called to be single, if you're single currently, you can live a whole and mature Christian life. Nothing I say is going to pull away from that either. But at the outset, we need to recognize the original intention of God. The ordinary pattern is that a man would leave his father and mother and join to his wife. That's the ordinary intention of God in creation. And we, as Bible-believing Christians, as those who affirm both what God has said set so clearly in the DNA of nature and what he set out so clearly in his word, we're not going to do anything to pull back from that. This is good. It's also, to push back against marriage is to push back against creation, against nature, but it's also to push back against redemption. What is the great model of our redemption? Christ, the heavenly bridegroom who comes for his bride. Our earthly marriages are patterned, I'd remind you, on the heavenly one. This is God's design, not only for creation, but for our redemption. And there's something, and there ought to be something in our marriages, for those of us who are married, that patterns that. And maybe one more thing, we consider God's original intention in marriage, in creation, we consider the Lord Jesus Christ, the heavenly bridegroom of his people. I'd like to think about the Spirit as well, and the role of the Spirit even in our marriages, our Christian marriages. One other thing I'd like to say before we get to singleness proper, Malachi 2, verse 15, the Lord is going through His prophet, He's going after the people of Israel for their sin, particularly their sin against their marriage covenants, the fact that husbands are divorcing their wives and forsaking the covenant. And what is the basis that the prophet Malachi uses is verse 15 of Malachi 2, But did he not make them one, having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit and let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. So we ought to begin right here at the outset, high view of marriage, high view of creation, high view of redemption, and not neglecting the role of the Spirit, Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The high view of God is triune, and remembering the design of the Father, the example of the Son, and the indwelling power of the Spirit, even in godly Christian marriages, because God seeks a godly. Offspring. A few more things. Our cultural moment. Again, I'm unashamedly stacking the deck, as it were, here. There are objections. There's a, what's the word that, I don't really like it, I don't like a lot of buzzwords, but people talk about being tone deaf, right, to the current cultural moment. Well, we biblically don't want to be tone deaf. We need to understand the time that we live in, and marriage is under assault. This was already happening before the so-called sexual revolution, and it's only continued in the last couple of decades. There are many objections against marriage. Marriage was originally just about property and is now in flux. Here's some of the cultural lies that we hear. Marriage crushes individual identity and has been oppressive for women. Marriage stifles passion and is ill-fitted to psychological reality. Why limit ourselves to one spouse? It's one of the lies in the culture. Marriage is only a piece of paper that only serves to complicate love. So you add to these objections that have probably been around for, sadly, for decades. You add to this the impact of divorce. You add to this the impact of things like sexual sin and things like even pornography. And very quickly, we see that marriage is eroding in our current time. There's been a great delay of marriage and a delay of childbearing within marriage. The birth rate is just dropping off the cliff. And there are direct attacks against marriage. We can go through them all. Homosexuality, the impact of sodomy, and so-called transgenderism. It is incumbent upon us to, even in this conversation about singleness, to hold marriage up, to let nothing we say in this matter of singleness pull away from a high view of marriage. And I think this is also fair with a number of you, see a number of you who are single children and then older teenagers and young people. In conversations with y'all, I believe pastorally that Nearly all of you want to be married, desire to be married, and I've even gotten questions from some of you about how do I both cultivate contentment, which is good, and we'll talk about that, but also prayerfully seek to be married one day. I believe if I understand, I think the vast majority, you know, I didn't take a poll, and I won't ask you to, I'm not gonna take a poll this morning, But I believe if I really asked, if we asked most of you single young people if you would like to be married one day, the answer for the vast majority would be absolutely yes. And that's a good thing. And we want to help in that way. So I've set the table there to help us jump in. At the same time, everything that I've already said, 100% we're going to affirm all of those things. We also want to say this. that singleness and the single estate is a good and a whole Christian condition. And that, at least for a few, it is a gift, it is a calling from God, as I've read from 1 Corinthians chapter 7. I believe we can say on one hand for the vast majority, and we hold up this institution of marriage as God's design, yet at the same time, not diminishing the fact that for some, singleness is their calling, and they are to, we are to encourage you. single folks, even while you're in this condition, to be content and seek the Lord's face and to live a happy and a whole Christian life. You don't have to be married in order to serve Christ, right? That should be evident, but we want to encourage you in this state of singleness. A few other Counterbalancing principles I want to give you. I'm going to give you some broad principles about singleness, biblical, theological principles, maybe seven of them, depending on how our time goes. And then we're going to get into some more specifics of applications, both for those of us who are married, for those of us who are single, of how we might help one another. I also kind of have a risky section toward the end, and that's where some of, I didn't have this when I taught this on singleness a couple years ago, but maybe a few thoughts of, for those of you who are wondering You know, how will I know when I find the right person or what should I be praying for as I seek marriage? We'll hopefully get to that and hopefully give you some biblical principles to think about, particularly in the pursuit of godly marriage. And then in all of this, we're driving toward contentment in whichever condition we find ourselves. So a few principles, we'll see how far we get here. First big principle is that the institution of marriage is a picture of a greater reality in the coming age. As high and a holy view as we ought to have of our marriages now. We all, married or single, look forward to that greater day, that day when the new Jerusalem descends like a bride prepared for her husband. And that's the fulfillment, that's where all of our earthly marriages are pointing, and we all, as the the bride and the body of Christ look forward to that last great day. And that's what we're driving to. So you don't have to be married in this current day in order to look forward and anticipate the marriage supper of the Lamb. So we keep our eye set on that last great day. A second principle. Our Lord Jesus Christ, our Redeemer, was not married. He's not married in our understanding of earthly marriage, the earthly institution. And remember that his life was indeed the only perfect, completely holy and absolutely chaste life ever lived. Lived as single in that way. His life is the life into which you and I are being pressed by the Spirit. He is our model. He is our Redeemer, and He is our great example in the gospel. We're being conformed to His image. And that should be an encouragement for those of you who are single yet, that you can live by God's grace a life conformed to Christ, a life of holiness and godliness and devoted to God. I'm also gonna counter that here. I'm also gonna counter that carefully. Because how does scripture actually present the life of our Lord Jesus Christ? While this is true, what I've just said, that Jesus Christ lived the only faithful, perfect, single life ever lived, At the same time, again, I'm trying to maintain a careful biblical balance. How does scripture actually present him in this whole matter? Think carefully, I know it's still early, but how does scripture present the Lord Jesus Christ? The scripture actually never tells us to be single like Jesus was single, right? How does the scripture present the Lord Jesus Christ as a model for these types of relationships? That's a question. How ought we to consider the Lord Jesus Christ? Of what relationship is he particularly the model, the example? His son? Well, that's good. That's good. So he's a son, and he learned obedience to the Father. I actually wasn't thinking about that. And Joseph. That's very good. Husbands. Yeah, Ephesians 5. I was thinking husband, but also son. I like that. Maybe I should add that, Scott. That's a good insight on Christ the Son. But as we consider marriage and singleness, Jesus is actually the example husbands. So, again, carefully, we think carefully here. Though a lie, single as we would understand it, yet Christ is the, in the mystery of the gospel, he is the prototypical husband. He is the heavenly bridegroom of his people. So keep both, keep both in mind. Keep the last great day in view, keep the life, the holy life of Christ in view. Also, a little bit more, maybe we'll get into 1 Corinthians 7 here. The scriptures lift up singleness because it gives, it does give that single-minded investment for Christ's kingdom. Paul, especially in 1 Corinthians 7, lifts up the life of singleness as it enables a single person to give their wholehearted investment. to the kingdom. Paul, in 1 Corinthians 7, a lot of different things that he covers in this chapter, but what we do need to conclude is that Paul here is highly commending the single state. It's a good and a holy state. Now, in verse 26, in the midst of all of his teaching on marriage and singleness, He does conclude that this is good because of the present distress. So we do need to keep that in mind. We're not going to unravel the whole institution of marriage here in 1 Corinthians 7. There is a present distress, and we need to have that in our minds as we interpret 1 Corinthians 7. This is a time perhaps of persecution. This is a time of difficulty for the early church. And that is a lens that we need to have in our minds as we read and as we seek to understand 1 Corinthians 7. Maybe I'm going out on a little bit of a limb now. But perhaps if Paul was speaking to our generation, to our day, the present distress might be something else. It might be the attack on marriage, and the attack on the family, and a birth rate that is dropping off the cliff. That could be the present distress in our current day. So keep these different contexts in mind, even as we seek to understand 1 Corinthians 7. What Paul is saying here, though, is that the unmarried and single condition is one that is suitable and fitting for the Christian, and that this is a key way in which Christ can be served. He speaks to the unmarried. Again, we read back in verse 7, I wish that all men were even as I myself, single at least at this point in his life, but each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. But I say to the unmarried, verse 8, I say to the unmarried and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I am. It seems that Paul has several categories in mind when he says unmarried, perhaps someone who's never married, perhaps someone who's been divorced as well, possibility here, or even those who have lost a spouse, and he makes that explicit by saying to the widows, to the unmarried, and to the widows, it is good for them if they remain even as I am. It seems here Paul is setting back and forth the pros and the cons of these various conditions. The condition of singleness, the condition of marriage. There would be here, for the single condition, there's the possibility of loneliness and longing for companionship. Also, sexual desire is truly in view. In verse 9, that the Lord's given us marriage as a way for sexual desire to be fulfilled in a holy way. If they cannot, to those who are unmarried, to those who are in this single condition, if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. It is better to marry than to burn with passion. Earlier in the chapter, he's already set out the important principle that husbands and wives are to come together in and delight in the fullness and the wholesomeness of their sexual desire, not to withhold from one another. And he's already established that. And for the single person, seems to recognize here that there can be greater sexual temptation. At the same time, there's greater opportunity for usefulness in the kingdom. And we see that a little bit later on. of verse 26, I suppose that this is good because of this present distress, that it is good for a man to remain as he is. Also verse 28, the fact that marriage brings a commitment, brings the necessity of pouring in and taking care of your spouse. Even if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless, such will have trouble in the flesh. but I would spare you. There is this care, this matter of serving your spouse. It goes on, verse 32, I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. There's a single-minded, again, this wholehearted, single-minded investment on the kingdom. And then verse 33, that he who is married cares about the things of the world, how he may please his wife. So Paul's going back and forth, upholding the legitimacy of both conditions, but at the same time, causing us and calling upon us to think carefully about the single life and how it might be devoted wholeheartedly to the Lord. It'd be good for us to remember that there have been many single missionaries throughout church history who have devoted themselves to the work of the kingdom in perhaps ways that would have been more difficult for the married. Think about missionary David Brainerd, early American missionary to the American Indians. I cared not where or how I lived or what hardships I went through, so that I could gain souls for Christ. While I was asleep, I dreamed of those things, and when I awoke, the first thing I thought of was this great work. All my desire was for the conversion of the heathen, and all my hope was in God." And that's been the testimony of various missionaries who have devoted themselves, like Paul, as single Christians, to the work of gospel ministry, to the work of the kingdom. Again, to be fully transparent. It does seem that Paul at one point was married, perhaps as a member of the Sanhedrin. Did his wife perhaps die? We don't know. Did his wife even desert him? We don't know. But what we do conclude in 1 Corinthians 7 is that at least in the current time, because of the present distress, he is unmarried, and thereby serving the Lord in desires that Christians would consider the same state. Even the example that I've already given you of David Brainerd, someone who labored as a single missionary, there's also evidence in history that he longed to be married, perhaps even at some time desired to be married to one of Jonathan Edwards' daughters. So again, we're trying to think carefully here. We're balancing these things together. The same time that the single person can devote themselves to the work of ministry, the work of the kingdom, even something like Christian missions or other things, we need to balance this with the greater responsibilities that come from singleness, greater burdens. I know from talking with some of you single folks, your life is very busy. You're working a full-time job to put food on the table. You want to serve the church as well. You want to devote yourself to that. You also have a household to run. You know, there's not, in a Christian marriage, there's to be a division of labor, right, between husband and wife. Two people pulling in the same direction, teaming up, right, with those various callings and roles within a godly marriage. Two to come together to split the load. A single person, a single Christian has all that load placed on your shoulders alone, certainly with brothers and sisters in the church. perhaps extended family members, but the reality remains that you often have a heavy load to carry. So again, think carefully here. The single state, 1 Corinthians 7, to sum up this third principle, there is a way in which you as a single Christian can devote yourself to the kingdom in ways that the married folks cannot. Maybe I'll go on, maybe one more principle from 1 Corinthians 7. The Apostle Paul does call singleness a gift from God. Verse 7, each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that. And keep this before you, that for a few at least, they will receive this gift from the Lord and you're called to be faithful in your distribution, you're carrying out that gift. We'll see how we're doing on time here. Remember, fifth principle, the Lord Jesus promises his disciples a greater family, that for those who forsake father and mother, for those who for the sake of the gospel, or even for the sake of following the Lord Jesus Christ, perhaps abandoned by earthly family, the Lord Jesus promises a greater family, and that's the family of God, which is the, That's the true family, right? Our earthly families are fleeting and even temporary. The family of God will last forever. And so for those, it's a great encouragement for those of you with fractured relationships and difficult family relationships, this is your family. These are your brothers and your sisters in Christ and single and married alike. We delight in this, our family, the family of God, adopted as sons and daughters into the family through our elder brother, Jesus Christ, with God as our Heavenly Father. Christ, again, is our elder brother. The Spirit is our sustainer. So keep that before you. It should be an encouragement to those of you who are single. A sixth principle. Move quickly through these last couple. The Lord, of course, is sovereign over who gets married and who doesn't. We might take that for granted as Reformed Christians. But remember that God gives, God distributes, God ordains as He wills. Married or single, this is where the Lord has placed you. And His sovereign providence is good. It is the good providence of a Heavenly Father who loves you. Remember the words of Psalm 84, no good thing will he withhold from those who walk uprightly. What you have or what you don't have is at his appointment, at his distribution. He that spared not his own son, but freely gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him give us all things? So meditate on the providence of God. And then finally, perhaps, Perhaps this is the most important principle of all, as we finish this little section. Mature Christian living, whether as a married man or single man, married Christian woman or single Christian woman, mature Christian living is not dependent upon being married. Being fully human or complete Christian doesn't depend upon marriage. speak very forcefully to those of you who are single in particular, that you ought not to use singleness as a crutch for sexual sin in particular, for any sin. You're not waiting and thinking, well, I can really serve Christ as a married person. I can really put away sin once I'm married. Now, mature Christian living is something we're called to regardless of our state. To serve the Lord to kill sin to take up the the means of grace and to serve Christ All of us all of us are called to maturity and godliness in our living, seeking communion with God in Christ and killing sin and walking into obedience regardless of our condition. Okay, so those are, I think, the big principles that I'd like to set before you. It'd be a lot to take in mind. You might have questions on some of those things. I'd like actually to move to maybe a couple more practical matters of application. Application for those of us who are married and want to be helpful to the single folks among us. Maybe a few admonitions for those of you who are single and considering your lives. Maybe a few of these, we'll see how, again, our time goes. If any of you have questions, feel free to stop me, and I'm very happy to take a pause and address those questions. Seeing none at this point, a few things to keep in mind in terms of application. Let us all together learn to see the goodness of the single state. I've already said this, but I think this is, Those of us who are married ought to be careful about putting a lot of pressure on single people. We ought to be careful with them, pray for them, seek their spiritual good, and not put undue force and pressure upon them. For those of you who are single, seek contentment and understand your singleness as legitimate Christian calling. Few more things, service, service together. Particularly those of you who are a bit younger, maybe teenagers, young college students, those who are just beginning to think and pray about these things and consider, maybe even consider. marriage one day use your this current time and I particularly think of this time as a as a young person as a time to Christ to much of him the world tells you that this is a time when you can you can really serve yourself enjoy yourself and Binge watch Netflix or YouTube, serve yourself, spend your money on yourself, your use of money, your time as well. This is a time to enjoy pleasure. But we want to push back against that. This is a key time. You have sometimes the maximum amount of energy and strength, physical strength, and time to be able to pour in and serve Christ Church. So serve the Lord Jesus, make use of this gift that he's given you. It's also incumbent upon those of you who are families and married to welcome the single folks in and together enjoy life together as the people of God. to serve together, to open your home to singles, to give them opportunity to serve together with you. Sometimes there are those who in God's providence are single and have come out of difficult family backgrounds and have not seen what a marriage that is growing in grace, a marriage that's ordered according to God's word, they've not been able to see what that ordered family life and married life looks like. And you have the opportunity to welcome them in, show them hospitality, have them over for a meal, pray with them, and seek their good. Another admonition for married folks, Beware of matchmaking. I think that's, I don't think that's a good idea. I really don't. Don't be a constant one of those folks who's constantly suggesting, or even moving beyond suggesting and trying to put people together. The Lord does that best, not us, and we need to pray and trust him. Scott. Yeah. So it's kind of always been my assumption, and I've heard around church that when a person's single, they've got the most availability or maybe the most free money. I'm sort of thinking maybe that's not true. You said it earlier, you talked about division of labor. If you're running your own household and you're not sharing that income-wise or time-wise or task-wise, like if you go back and look at Adam Smith, probably two orders of magnitude of surplus that we get from division of labor, the single person doesn't have that. So I don't think they do. This is a question. I don't think they do have the money. I don't think they do have the time that we go around presuming that they've got. So if they're doing all this goofing off or spending or whatever, they're doing it at the expense maybe of something. I just think we're totally wrong hitting the assumptions we make about single people. Oh, I think we are. I think sometimes things are parroted, too. Like, if you read the literature about singleness, what evangelicals write about singleness, sometimes it's not very helpful, it's not very nuanced, some of it's dated, and I think we do well to actually, you know, think about individuals and their particular callings. Someone who's out on their own, working on their own. I think maybe a couple maybe think about two different scenarios. One scenario is the young Christian young person, young adult who's maybe finished college or they're they're pursuing their own calling out on their own paying their own bills. That's a busy life. There's no division of labor there. That's an extremely busy life. We could also think about someone who's perhaps still at home. Still under, you know, having some residual fiscal help from mom and dad. Some of that division of labor hasn't fully, you know, that work hasn't fully hit their shoulders yet, and that might be a time. Some of you young people I know, you're in that transition time, and there could be, in that condition, the availability of resources. So, Jim. I think you need to address that question in light of what Sprintian said. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because I may be a lot of understanding, but Paul says the opposite of that question. That when you're single, you need to just worry about pleasing the Lord. We can't say they don't have time to do that because there's no division. Yeah, and then what does it mean to please the Lord? If the Lord's called you to work 45 hours a week, you please the Lord there, right? If he's called you to, you know, we're not just saying, Right, I think this is maybe where the question is going. It's not just, you know, answer every single, the only way you serve the Lord as a single person is to, you're the first one on scene when there's a need in the church. You're the, you know, it might be, it might be, but you please the Lord by the hard work that you do Monday through Saturday. You please the Lord by the way that you ordered your household. You please the Lord in worship and in service of the church. I think when Paul gives us context, you don't have to worry about pleasing your wife or pleasing your husband. That's good. And singleness doesn't mean isolation. No. You go with a woman because you're single. So some of these things can be managed. And it's as if it's all in households and their families, which you were making the point earlier. I just think we need to be careful about that. Maybe they have more or less time, but they have less concern, since Paul, than a married person. That's right. Jeff? To nuance the point, the single man is not, He's not shouldering the responsibility of providing for a family, for a spousal family. He's providing for himself. And I think that's the nuance that Jim was going after. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Yeah, still busy, and we're not undermining that, but perhaps with some time and resource. Again, there's so many tangibles in marriage. The way that married folks are to give themselves wholeheartedly to one another, that is something a single person does not have. And it is a capacity to serve and prioritize the kingdom. Let's talk a little bit here. Again, I did teach on singleness a couple years ago. I didn't include this section. I'd like to get to it. Some of you may have other questions you'd like to bring up. But maybe for some of you Christian young people, some of you young people, if you're thinking of praying about marriage. You could use just a few thoughts here. And there's much that we could say. But how should I think and pray about whether or not the right one seems to be coming along? Maybe ask the question a little bit differently. What do I need to be thinking and praying about and even doing in order to be ready for marriage? And a few things, this is a big topic, probably one that's deserving of at least one Sunday School lesson on its own, but a few thoughts here that I'd like to give you. One is begin with Christian friendship. Remember that he that has friends must show himself friendly. So be willing to be a normal and a godly and a faithful and a chaste friend as you wait on the Lord to provide a spouse. It seems that pouring yourself in as a godly friend is really the first step along the way. Talk to people and wait on the Lord here. There are, recognize that there are differences between people, even as you meet those of the opposite sex. You're a young man meeting young ladies, you're a young lady meeting young men. And I'll give you, again, this is a little risky, but I think it's profitable. There are some categories to think about here. Remember that someone, ideally, can be godly and marriageable. Someone can be godly and marriageable, ready for marriage. They love Christ. Their priorities are toward him. They are doing what Paul's commanded single people to do in 1 Corinthians 7, devoting themselves to the Lord. And they're ready for marriage. Think about an example would be a young man who's ready to provide, or at least he's headed in that direction, ready for marriage. A second category of folks, someone can be godly, but not yet marriageable. That could be a category. Someone who's maturing, growing in grace, devoted to Christ and to his church, but not yet ready for marriage. Due to circumstances in life, perhaps a big one would be provision here, not quite ready for that point. And I think for you young people, as you pray about marriage, be willing to wait. If there's someone who's in that category, be willing to hold off until this godly young person reaches the point of marriage. There's a third category, and we're kind of descending here, sadly. There are immature Christians. There are people in the church who profess faith in Christ who are not serving Christ in a godly way and certainly not marriageable. They need to grow. And that's again, there's there should be even more friendly. There should be friendliness and willingness to serve this other person, but to not consider them for for marriage until there's growth in grace and serving Christ and and and maturity. There's another category I'll give you, and it's some of you young people no doubt have met folks like this already. High quality, what I'd like to call high quality unbelievers. high quality unbelievers. The unbeliever has a life that's well, it's put together. They're smart, intelligent, nice person to be with. This is dangerous. This is a dangerous category for you young people. You can be friendly, I'm not suggesting at all a withholding of kindness from that person, but they, you cannot marry, you cannot pursue marriage, you cannot marry that person. I'm actually going to read from our Confession of Faith here. This is a strong statement, but I think it's one that we should hear. Chapter 24, Section 3 in our Westminster Confession of Faith. It is lawful for all sorts of people to marry who are able with judgment to give their consent. Yet it is the duty of Christians to marry only in the Lord. The big thing here is that you are to marry in the Lord. someone who loves Christ and is seeking to serve him. Your priorities are going in the same direction. The stream is flowing the same way. That's the big concern here. But there's more that we can say. It is the duty of Christians to marry only in the Lord, and therefore such as profess the true reformed religion should not marry with infidels, meaning those who do not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ, papists, that's Roman Catholics in fact, or other idolaters, neither should such as are godly be unequally yoked by marrying with such as are notoriously wicked in their life or maintain damnable heresies." So that gives us some specifics here. There could be someone who's, you know, it's an external life well put together, someone you could enjoy spending time with, but there their priorities, they lack faith in Jesus Christ, and they might even fit under these categories of infidel, Roman, could address Roman Catholics here, would be outside, outside a godly marriage. Someone who does not believe in the Lord Jesus Christ as he's revealed in the scripture. The doctrine of the Roman Catholic Church is outside. They rejected the biblical gospel, Others who, by their lives, are rejecting the claims of the Lord Jesus Christ and not walking in Him. So bear that warning in mind. I give that to you as your pastor. Beware of those who would lead you astray. And then finally, and this one's probably more obvious, there's a high-performing unbeliever. There's also the fool. the one who's to be avoided at all costs, one who's manifestly not serving the Lord Jesus Christ, whose life and whose fruit is manifestly going to lead you off the rails. So beware and watch. Be willing to wait. Be willing to pray, to seek the Lord's face, to get godly counsel. Some questions to consider, you know, if there's someone who, by God's grace, fits in that category, that first category of godly and marriageable in the Lord's providence. Some questions to think about. Can I see myself worshiping the Lord together and serving his church together? Can I see myself raising a family and raising children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord together with this person? Can I see myself caring for elderly parents together? Do we share the same goals in this life about worship and the Lord's Day and raising a family and seeking the glory of God in all things? And you're beginning to work through all sorts of things that we could talk about, like extended family relationships and communication and money. Perhaps even more important, A few more questions here. As you get to know this person better, have you been through and resolved any sharp conflicts together? How is conflict dealt with? Have you together been able to repent together and forgiven one another? And have you, even in those early stages of friendships, a friendship that is blossoming into something more, have you been able to demonstrate, both of you have been able to demonstrate that you can change to please the Lord and to better love the other person. You need to look for someone who shows those fruits of repentance and forgiveness and godly change. I think for all who are married here, If your marriage is going to serve Christ, you have to be, by God's grace, willing to repent of your own sin, forgive the other person's sin, and then change together, walk in a transformed life by the power of the Spirit. And young people ask those questions. Is this person willing and able to repent of their own sin? Am I, by God's grace, forgiving them and able to repent of my sin, even to that other person? And then are you both committed to be willing to change, leave sin behind and walk in new obedience by the grace of Christ? Does a young man show the ability to lead in love? And does a young lady show the willingness to follow and to submit? Those are some questions to think about. It's also important, and I'll maybe finish with this, seek the input of mature, married Christians in the church. Look for maybe a married couple or two who are serving the Lord together quietly, whose marriage exhibit seems to exhibit the grace of Christ, and be willing to hear their counsel as things move ahead, to pray together quietly, to seek good godly counsel. Parents, the input of godly parents is also something I would very much stress, seeking that godly counsel input and prayer. Okay, so those are a few. There's much more we could say. I think those are some of the main things as you, who are single, seek the Lord's will for your future and even preparing for godly marriage. In all things, let us be content. There are those who have even lost spouses and who weep and who find themselves single in that way at the end of their lives. And in all things, let us remember that regardless of our circumstance, the Lord gives us himself. I think this is what John Van Boris said when his wife Millie died, that when the Lord took Millie, he gave John more of himself. and the Lord ultimately is our sun and shield. He will give grace and glory and His presence is fullness of joy. So we set our hearts on Him and walk in contentment. All right, any questions? We have a couple minutes. Any questions? Jeff? What were your points? I think it was like the second or third one in that last list. You mentioned being ready for marriage. Can you give us a better definition of what it means to be ready for marriage? That's a big question. I think back to the almost 12 years ago to when Hannah and I got married. Was I ready? That's a big question. I think some of these, there are some objective things. You should be willing, you should be able to be on your own. There's things like financial independence from parents. They don't strike out on their own. They're also for young Christian couple getting married. Ready for marriage also is are we ready to serve the Lord together? Are we able to worship together? Are we on the same page in terms of theological convictions of the direction that we're seeking to go? Another big question, and it's sort of an elephant in the room, For Christian marriage, the impact of things like pornography and sexual sin needs to be left behind in order for a Godly marriage to move ahead. That would be one of the key things I'd set before you. Marriage in the Lord, that's the overarching biblical principle. Financial provision certainly factors in. A life that by the grace of Christ is free from dominating since then. Drug and alcohol addictions, you can think of a few other categories. And then this commitment of Christ to his church. It's a good question. There's more we can say, but those would be some of the big things. Others? Yes ma'am, Jules. It's a big question. Pray, pray, pray. You need a lot of discernment there. And it's also true in many ways. We have to be careful not to judge from the external appearance of things. But we do need young men to lead, and that's one of the problem in this current climate. One of the reasons that there's an undue delay of marriage and that marriage is struggling is a failure, particularly of young men to lead. And men and women certainly have their own sins here. But it is a failure of leadership. I think pray, and I think the other thing to do is to get the input of Christians you trust. I think that's indispensable here. Jim. I would also say, talk to your father. Yes. Yes. Very good. That evaluation from an objective. Yeah, that's good. That's good. Having raised two young women, One who is now married and one who isn't. Something that is helpful for the younger women in particular to know is that sometimes your parents can see things that you don't see. And to be cautious about friendships that you believe to be platonic, that the young man does not perceive to be platonic and causes them undue hurt when you all of a sudden realize, oh my goodness, you're on a different track than I am. Oh yeah. I actually had this in my notes. I skipped over it. We got some time, but we are out of time. All good questions and insights here. Clear communication. Clear communication and a hard conversation at the outset One of these budding relationships is going to save a lot of pain later on. I've dealt with a number of friends who have had this happen. You know, there's wildly different expectations. One person has one sense of the relationship. The other person has a totally different sense. And that can cause a lot of heartache and it's disastrous. Be willing to have, along with seeking godly input and counsel, be willing to have a hard conversation at the beginning. All right, we're at time. We're going to pray together and ask for God's blessing on all of these things. Let's pray. Oh, Lord of God, we delight in you. You are our heavenly father. You have called us to yourself through Christ, our elder brother. You've made us part of your family. the family of God. We praise you that you indeed set the solitary in families, and we ask that you continue this good work. Give us wisdom, even as we've considered this matter of singleness this morning. We pray for those who are single among us, that you would fill their lives with contentment in you and with self-control, and that for those who long to be married, that in due course you would provide them with godly spouses. Lord, we pray for our marriages and And for the rising generation, that in all things we would seek first your kingdom and your righteousness, that we all together would be devoted to the advance of your kingdom. Forgive our sins in these areas. Forgive our discontentment. Forgive our lack of self-control. And Lord, in all things, bring glory to yourself. And we ask all this in Jesus' name. Amen.