Again, this is God's holy word. Colossians chapter three, verses 18 and verse 19. Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. Yesterday, while I was at my son's basketball game, Something strange and kind of funny happened to me. It was halftime, and as part of the Upward Basketball program, there's also a cheerleading program, and the young girls came out to give a cheer, six, seven, eight years old. And they were doing their cheer, and we were watching them, everyone was watching, parents and And went down the line, about six or seven of them, and they did their steps, and they waved their hands, and they gave their cheer. And came to the last one, and this girl I noticed, she was wearing flip-flops. And I've never been a cheerleader. But I imagine it was very difficult for her to do that cheer and flip-flops. Flip-flops were not made for jumping around on a basketball court or playing basketball in, for that matter. I was thinking to myself, mom failure. I forgot to check her feet. She's probably hiding somewhere in the audience. She actually did a pretty good job. But typically, when you use something in a way that it's not intended to be used, whether it be an article of clothing, a tool, an appliance, things don't go well. They were made for a certain function and purpose. And in this passage of scripture, what Paul is doing is he's outlining the roles that a man and that a woman are to have in marriage, how they are to function. And he spells that out. And it's important for us to notice this function, how in a marriage a wife is to function and a man is to function, so that we not frustrate ourselves and create friction in our life. And this morning's lesson, I want you to see how Christ honoring marriage roles consists in the wife submitting to her husband and the husband loving his wife. Christ honoring marriage roles consists in the wife submitting to her husband and the husband loving her wife, his wife. Paul in this epistle has been talking about the supremacy and the sufficiency of Christ for all things. We've seen how the first two chapters mainly dealt with doctrine and salvation. And then in chapter three, he's getting into life and how we are to live a Christ-centered life. He started with particular duties, or I'm sorry, general duties, putting off sin. OK, putting on Christian virtues, love, mercy, forgiveness. And then in this section, he addresses particular people in society. He addresses masters and servants. He addresses children and fathers. But in this one, the first one is marriage, wives and husbands. What I want to do is I bring this lesson to you under two simple headings. Verse 18, we see the submitting role of the wife, and then verse 19, we see the loving role of the husband. So verse 18, again, reads, wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. What does it mean to submit? What does that mean? Well, it doesn't mean an absolute submission. It does not mean an absolute submission. I want to say this at the outset. In fact, Paul specifically annotates that. Live submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. As is fitting in the Lord. In other words, This is something that only goes as far as the Lord has ordained. In other words, a man has authority over his wife, but not outside of what Christ has commanded. I mean, you can imagine how hopeful this is, especially if you're married to an unbeliever, even if you're married to a believer, okay? You're not to go down things that are unbiblical, okay? A woman, she is equal in dignity and honor. 1 Peter 3, 7 says, "...husbands likewise dwell with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life." Being heirs together of the grace of life. They're not... Women, our wives, are not inferior to us. It's not like we lord over them. They're not slaves. They're not children. They're equal with us. If you think about it, wives are equal with their husbands in worth and glory. This mirrors the Trinity. think about it. This mirrors the relationship the Father has with the Son. How do we understand phrases in John 14, 28 where Jesus says, the Father is greater, greater than me? How do we understand that? Whereas in other places, Paul says, Romans 9, that He is the eternally blessed God. And we need to realize that there is an equality in being, but there is an inferior role in function. Okay, so Christ is equally God, and yet in the economy of salvation, in his function, he submits to the Father, does he not? So there's no sense of inferiority in being. In that sense, men do not lord over them as if they were better than them. Think of Acts 5, 29. Peter and the other apostles answered and said, we ought to obey God rather than men. I want you to see that submitting to one's husband, there's a balance to that. There's a balance to that. If your husband commands you to do something, it's unbiblical. And you ought to obey God rather than man. Perhaps it's helpful to mention that there's things that are debatable and you probably should not function as a prophet and as a preacher in your own family, but certainly not obey things that are unlawful. And so he annotates that specifically here. Wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord, as that which is proper as a Christian. But again, what does it mean to submit to your own husbands? As we look at Scripture, and we interpret Scripture as Scripture, there's a couple things that come to mind. A wife is to submit inwardly with her heart. She is to acknowledge this role. In other words, a wife can obey, if you will, kind of follow her husband, but not really embrace that function. I believe that Scripture has this in mind in Ephesians 5, 33. passage that I read to you. Let the wife see that she respects her husband, her reverences, her husband. Sarah, 1 Peter 3, 6. As Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, she called him Master. She embraced that. It wasn't something that she just did outwardly, but it was an inward reality. One of the hindrances to this idea for you ladies, for you wives specifically, and this goes for all of us as sinners, beware of pride, beware of that devilish idea of who am I? Who am I to submit? And that's in all of us. We rebel against God, do we not? Isn't that part of our sinful nature? What's interesting about this is that scripture actually speaks to this prophetically. This is going to be a problem, especially for a wife in submitting to her husband. She is going to want to rule over him. Genesis 3.16, to the woman he said, I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband and he shall rule over you. The idea there is that she is going to resist this authority. But part of submission is to embrace it innerly, to accept that in your mind. It certainly means outward submission. She submits outwardly with the will. Think of Genesis 2.18 and the function that God gave Eve with Adam and therefore to all wives. She is his helper. The man doesn't help the woman with her agenda, but the woman helps the man with his agenda. Genesis 2, 18, the Lord God said, it is not good for man. It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. This idea is also found in a couple other places of scripture. In other words, what I'm saying is that there's going to be an acknowledgement to follow the plan of the husband. Think about this, 1 Corinthians 7, 34. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy, both in body and spirit, but she who is married cares about the things of the world. How? She may please her husband. She's oriented to that way. What would you like? What would you like, sweetie? That's the idea. Now, it's very wise, and I'm going to speak about this, husbands, in a minute. Don't worry, wives. I'm speaking to you now, but I'm going to be speaking to your husbands in a minute. Now, it's very wise for a man, a husband, to take into consideration, by all means, his wife's desires and thoughts. But for example, my wife and I have the habit of planning our week on Sunday night, and the kids are down, and day's over, and we're starting to turn to the week, and we'll go over our schedule. And I had the schedule more or less. And I'm basically telling Dorsey what we're going to be doing. This is what I'm going to be doing Monday. And she's more or less kind of following in behind me. And she'll say things like, oh, you know, well, you forgot about this. Or we need to think about this. So by all means, there's discussion and there's a relationship here. But the man is leading and the woman is following and submitting to his will in that way. What does it mean? to submit inwardly, outwardly. It also means that she submits by performing her God-ordained duties. Again, if you think about it, this is partly what's meant in this phrase, wives, submit to your own husbands as is fitting in the Lord. This is a Christian woman. She loves the Lord Jesus Christ. She's following Him. And it's not for the husband to say, you know what, you're gonna function in this way, and I'm gonna function in this way, and for the roles to be switched. One of those duties that is mentioned in the scriptures is Titus 2, and it's to be a homemaker. It's a part of being a wife that is specifically attacked in our culture. And all of you feel that. And I want to mention it as part of what it means to submit to a husband. Titus chapter 2 verses 3 through 5, let me read this. The older women likewise, that they may be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things. They admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, homemakers. good, obedient to their husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed." I am not saying that a wife, especially not a woman, I'm not saying that a wife cannot work outside the home. If you look at Proverbs 31, what is she doing? She's buying and selling. She's very active. But what is she doing it for? She's doing it for her home. She's doing it for her household. She's very directed toward her home. And this is the place that God has given her. Her home is her nest that she makes. And part of the way that you, a wife, can glorify God and submit to your husband is to embrace this role and to support him in this area, especially if God gives you children. and you'll be very busy. You'll have plenty of things to do. I was, this past week actually, I was speaking to this woman just out and about in the city, and I was telling her about my family, and I was married, I have five kids, and the first thing she said to me was, does your wife work? I'm like, yes, she does work. She's very busy. Whether you have five kids or not, but she's very busy. She's working in the home. What does it mean to submit? What is the submitting role of the wife? These are some of the things, but I want you, ladies and wives, I don't want you to lose heart, okay? God calls you to submit to your husband, but he calls you to submit to one who's commanded to love you. His commanded image to replicate, to be an image of what Christ does for his church. I believe there's a couple of reasons why Paul emphasizes this. I think it's to sweeten the difficulty of submitting to a sinful man. It's also this command to love, which I'm going into now, is also to tamper any natural inclination a husband has to be tyrannical. Think about this for a moment. The roles, the function, I think it's really the essence of these two verses and what I'm speaking on, is established with the reference for wives to submit to your husbands. I mean, naturally the man is going to command her. He's going to rule over her, have authority over her in the Lord. But Paul, God, does not call husbands to rule over their wives. That's implied. To tamper the sinful, something that would be more natural, to be selfish, to be tyrannical, he says, husbands, Love. Love your wives. Secondly, I want you to notice the loving role of the husband. The loving role of the husband. Again, verse 19 says, husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. And I take this whole verse as really one thought. I believe that the do not be bitter toward them is helping us really understand more about what it means to love. So a couple of things here. Men, Husbands specifically want to address you and ask you, do you love your wife? There's a couple of things. The first thing that this means is to long to be with her, to desire to be with her. It's this affection aspect of love. Now, love does not always mean affection. But it definitely includes the intimacy, the desire to be with her. It's very important for us to highlight this. One commentator writes, it is not to be allowed that the husband should hate or be weary of the company of his wife. By way of opposite illustration, I recall reading the life of George Whitfield. George Whitfield was a godly man, used by God, and I acknowledge that. He was a preacher during the Great Awakening. He came over from England and traveled up and down the colonies preaching the gospel. Very powerful preacher. It's so sad because one of the things that he did is he would leave his wife for long periods of time. He was away for two years. That's a problem. That's a problem. Husband, do you long to be with your wife? This comes from a couple of things. Think about the nature of heaven. Who is Christ to the church? Christ is the husband. I go and prepare a place for you so that where I am there you may be also. Christ wants to be with his church. I'm with you always, even to the end of the age, by my spirit. I'm with you. Christ wants to be with his church. See, it follows from this. I think it's also part of what is meant in Proverbs 5, verse 18, a passage that talks about intimacy. Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice with the wife of your youth. How can you rejoice with your wife unless you really like being with her? But I want you men to think about without your loving your wife in this way. You may not have affection for whatever reason. Maybe things are kind of cold in your marriage. You may not really like to be with her. You'd rather just kind of do your hobbies. Okay? Get on your iPhone. Do you spend time with your wife? Do you want to be with her? Do you talk to your wife? Men? Husbands? Do you talk to your wife at night? I guarantee you she wants to talk to you. She's a normal wife. She wants to talk to you. She wants to be with you. Do you still date your wife? Do you still long to woo her to yourself? If you're not married here, this is things for you to learn as well. This is what it means to love. To long to be with her. Now it's not only emotion. It's not only affection. Love is much more broader than that and important. Love is a command. Whether you feel it or not, you're to do it. We're to love our enemies. Well, in that light, I want to bring to your mind a few other things. To love your wife is to instruct her in the things of God. It's to instruct her in the things of God. 1 Corinthians 14, verse 35. If they want to learn something, let them ask their own husbands at home, for it is shameful for women to speak in church." Now, the idea of this verse, the thing I'm bringing out is that Paul commends to husbands to teach their wife. I don't want you to think about this under the concept of love. When a woman When the wife is, at least by far, even if it's just a little bit, but certainly by far, superior to her husband in spiritual knowledge and understanding, what happens is that the wife now becomes the spiritual leader of the marriage. And the wife, she's now bearing this load. It's kind of behind the scenes. Are we making the right decisions in our marriage, in our family? And now she's carrying both curses. You see? And what you need to do, husbands, to love your wives, is to grow in your ability to lead. I mean, if you're deficient, okay, maybe you're, I mean, when I met my wife, I hope it's changed now, I mean, since I'm a pastor and everything, but when I met my wife, I was blown away. Not by just her godliness, but her knowledge. Her knowledge of theology. Her knowledge of how, what God has said and how she is to lead, to conduct her life. And I wanted to challenge you men to, husbands specifically, to lead your wife in this way. To love her means to instruct her. To be able to instruct her. To know things. You know, if you're deficient in this, read your Bible. Read your Bible. Pray. Ask God to give you more spiritual wisdom. So you may be able to do this. So she is not bearing the burden of, are we making the right decision? Are we parenting our kids the right way? Should we move to this location or make this decision or whatnot? It's not for her to bear that load. To instruct her, to provide for her necessary things. So this is very important. 1 Peter 5, 8. says, but if anyone does not provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Again, I'm not saying that women can't work. I'm saying a wife can't work at all, but it's not her responsibility to be the breadwinner and to make sure that we can pay our taxes and to make sure we can put food on the table. That's not her burden. And you husbands, you love your wife when you are the one that's providing these things for her. She doesn't have to worry about whether we have enough money in the bank, going to the grocery store, getting what she needs. She can just get what she needs and go home and do what she needs to do. Now, another aspect of this, this is my last point under what it means to love, is really to hash out A few things about this phrase, and do not be bitter toward them. It's very interesting that Paul would say this. Perhaps men, there's exceptions to most anything, but perhaps men are more inclined to be harsh, to be rough. Perhaps that's part of what's getting at in 1 Peter 3.7 when Paul says that a woman is the weaker vessel. Perhaps he's getting at that idea of emotional, she's not as strong. And men are typically more stronger in that area. And so he said, listen, you need to be sensitive. Okay, so he's further defining love. He says, do not be bitter toward them. We can be bitter, husbands can be bitter to their wife by speaking harshly to them. So don't do that, speak softly to them. I think of Proverbs 15 verse one, a soft word turns the right around. 1 Peter 3, 7. Again, the weaker vessel idea. Husband, your wife comes to you and she's crying. She's emotional about something. And you're thinking in the back of your mind, okay, this isn't that big of a deal. This is not big of a deal. What are you going to do? Are you going to just blow her off? Be gentle to her. Listen to her. And relate with her. Push her aside as it's not important. Don't ignore her. Speak softly to her. Don't be harsh toward her in that way. Treat her as your closest friend, not as a servant or a child. Wives are not children. They're not called to obey. They're called to submit. They're not servants. Her home is her place. Give her room. A husband can take this idea of I'm in charge, especially maybe the reform types, OK? I'm in charge. I have the authority. And they're tyrannical. And I can think of, this isn't the only place. But listen, the home is her place. And this is her nest. She wants to put blue curtains up. Let her put blue curtains up. We don't make every single decision. And this is one of the ways that husbands can really embitter themselves to their wives, is if they're just kind of on a leash. They can't make any decisions. They don't have anything to say. Beware of doing these things. Again, what does it mean? Do not be bitter toward them. Or do not be harsh, is the idea. There's a metaphor here, okay? Bitter, you know, you bite a lemon thinking that it's an orange and suddenly, you know, it bites you. It's harsh, it's heavy. Overlook her weaknesses and small sins. I've spoken to you about overlooking sin in different contexts. You know, one of the ways you can be harsh with your wife is you can Withhold all of her weaknesses, even her sins that she's done to you. You can hold a grudge and lash out on her. Overlook those sins that are small. Cover those sins, 1 Peter 4, 8. This is what it means to love. This is very, very important. God does not call you husbands to rule your wife. I mean, He does, but He doesn't say that here. It's more natural. for all of us to be leaders to our way and to go our route. We are as husbands called to love. Christ honoring marriage roles consists in the wife submitting to her husband and the husband loving his wife. I want to make one last comment to both wives and husbands here. It kind of goes back to what I said briefly. Our culture The world that we're in is constantly bombarding us with lies. That's no different. It's how it's always been for the church. We're pilgrims. We're in a foreign land. And whether it be the idea of a homemaker, whether it be an idea of a man being sensitive and loving and caring for his wife, listen, our culture says, men, listen, be successful. Go out there and accomplish things. Wives, women are encouraged to be independent. This is what we face, and I want to bring that up to your attention. I want to call you to submit to the wisdom of Christ. Listen, you divert from this. You wear flip-flops playing basketball. You're going to be frustrated. You're going to sense some frustration. I want you to submit to the Lord Jesus. He's supreme, is He not? Is He not sufficient for our life? He calls us to these functions and these roles. These are the roles that are most wise and useful for us in the marriage institution. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we come to you thankful for your word and asking you to once again grant us understanding to it. We pray for our families. We pray for our marriages here. We ask that you would grant the wives to submit in the Lord to their husbands. We ask that you would grant the husbands to love, fervently love their wives as Christ loved the church. Father, we pray that you would build up our families that we would be strong, and that we would glorify you in these ways. For we ask in Jesus's name, amen.