Father, we praise You. We thank You that You would love us and You would give us Your one and Your only Son. We thank You that You have given us in Christ so great a salvation. Nothing else can compare. Oh Father, I pray that the Holy Spirit would indelibly stamp that upon our lives, that when we go into the world and we're tempted, with the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride and possessions, the truths of the gospel and the words of the song we just sang would come to the fore of our minds. We would say, behold our God. Come, let us adore Him. Behold our King. Father, would You speak to us? Would You teach us? Would You open our eyes to behold wondrous things from Your Word? Would you incline our hearts to your testimonies and not to selfish gain? Oh Lord, I know as a human being and as a sinner, so often I can come to church with all kinds of cares and anxieties looming in my mind, pressing upon my heart, weighing upon my soul. Father, I pray By Your grace, would You dispel those. Would You help us to look and gaze upon Jesus Christ as proclaimed in the Gospel as we look at the Word of God this morning. You tell us that faith comes by hearing and hearing by the message of Christ. Oh, may that Word be fulfilled this morning. Would You increase our faith and would You grant faith and repentance to those who may have entered in here dead in their trespasses and sins. Help us, Lord, not to trifle with Your Word. Help us not to be merely hearers of Your Word, deceiving ourselves. Give us grace to be doers of it, as husbands, as wives, as children, as workers, as human beings made in the image of God. Would You enable us to do so, that we would do so to the praise of Your glorious grace. Father, we pray in Jesus' name. Amen. If you have a Bible, you can open it to Ephesians chapter 5. If you don't have one, perhaps you have it on your tablet or smartphone, or we have Pew Bibles. I do not have the page number for you. It is in the New Testament. There is usually an index in the front of a Bible, and we're in Ephesians chapter 5. We're going to be reading verses 22 to the end of the chapter, but our focus this morning will be the last verses, verses 31 through 33. But I do want to build for us context. As D.A. Carson is apt to say, a proof text without a context is a pretext for a proof text. Verse 22, Ephesians chapter 5, Paul's instruction to believers. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior. Now, as the Church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the Church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing. that she might be holy and without blemish, in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body. Here's the verses we will deal with this morning. Therefore, or for this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, but I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband A few note-takers, the title of this morning's sermon is, The Gospel Mystery of Marriage. And the question I hope to answer is, why does marriage matter? We live in such a time where marriage is being attacked incessantly, whether through a divorce or whether through the influx of gay marriage bills being passed in various states. Marriage is being bombarded and attacked and assaulted at every side. I don't want to preach on the ills of this age, but marriage is important, because as we're going to see this morning, marriage is a beautiful illustration of the saving gospel of Jesus Christ. Marriage does matter. And I think it's a great disservice to the glory of Christ when the Church of Christ views marriage like the world does. I hope this morning that the Holy Spirit would open up the eyes of our hearts to understand the glory of the Gospel of Jesus Christ and He would also open up our eyes to show us the mystery of marriage and how it shows and illustrates and conveys to us and to a watching and skeptical world of God's infinite and unchanging love towards sinners. This morning we come to the close of Paul's exhortation for marriage. It began in verse 22 and it ends here at the end of the chapter. But really if you were to turn back to chapter 4 verse 1, this is really the outflow of Paul's general command of how we as believers at large and in general are to walk or to live in a manner worthy of the calling to which we have been called. That this calling is not just a Sunday morning thing, but rather an every moment thing. Chapter 4 begins with what theologians call the practical section. The last three chapters of Ephesians are how we are to live out the gospel that was preached in chapters 1 to 3. The theology section precedes the application section. And as we saw on Sunday School this morning, theology matters. It's not just for nerdy seminarians who sit in their ivory towers. No. Theology matters because everyone in this room has a theology. Albeit a faulty, incorrect theology that leads to incorrect, faulty living. Or, hopefully by God's grace, a theology that is built and based upon the Word of God and the Gospel of Jesus Christ that leads to right living. As Titus 1 says, that this knowledge accords with godliness. And so in chapter 4, verse 1, Paul says, we are to walk in a manner worthy of the Gospel. Husbands, you are to be a husband in a manner worthy of the Gospel. Wives, you are to be a wife that is worthy of the gospel. And so before you can fulfill or carry out or live out the exhortations in the practical section, you need to understand the theological section, which I hope I will interweave throughout the message. Namely, who is this Christ? And who is this church? And what has He done to win her? And what has He done to demonstrate His great love for her? Chapters 1 to 3 shows what a Christian's salvation looks like. Namely, how God redeems us in sovereign grace. Chapters 4 to 6 show what a Christian's sanctification looks like. What our salvation looks like, chapter 1 to 3. What our sanctification, the working out what God has worked in, looks like, 4 to 6. Chapters 1 through 3 focuses on God's redemption of us in sovereign grace. Chapters 4 to 6 focus on our response in submissive gratitude. Redemption through sovereign grace, response in submissive gratitude. That's how we should live our lives. If you find yourself struggling living the Christian life, it's because you're not looking at the Lord Jesus Christ. You're running on fumes, and Christ alone is that unquenchable fount that gives grace to His people to do what He commands them to do. In the practical section, with which we're dealing this morning, Paul wants to show what it looks like for Christians to live in light of, and response to, the saving gospel of Jesus Christ. Whether we're at home, at church, at work, or in the world. We've dealt with how we are to live in the world. Shine as light, have nothing to do with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. Put off that old man. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouth. No filthiness, no foolish talk, no crude joking. Rather let there be thanksgiving. That's how we're to walk in this world. We've seen how we're to live together in church. We're to be gentle towards one another and humble and patient and bear with one another in love. We're to be filled with the Spirit and to speak to one another, not with football scores. And we're not to talk to each other about sitcoms and dirty movies we've watched. We're rather to speak to one another of psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in our hearts to God our Father in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks always and for everything in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, being submissive to one another. another out of reverence for Christ. That's how we live in church. That's how we live in the world. And this morning and next week, we want to look at how we live in our homes, because if we're honest, we spend more time in our homes than we do in the church. For my wife, she spends more time in her home than she does in the world. This is a very significant section of scripture, a very practical section of scripture. We walk in a manner worthy of Jesus Christ wherever we are Christians. It's not a Sunday morning thing. I always think that we lived on the farm. Some people we knew would go to another church that had a really early morning service and they wanted to get the Christianity bid out as early as possible so they could be home at 10. And then they could do what really mattered. Oh, what a travesty. What an insult. to who Christ is. Christ is worthy of all of our life, whether we eat or drink or whatsoever we do, we're to do all things, whether at work or at home, in the world, playing soccer, at school, we're to do all things for the glory of God in Jesus Christ. And so what Paul's going to do this morning is he's going to zoom in, he's going to move from the world to the church, and then he's going to Google map it, zoom in one more time now, to the family, and even further now, to the relation of the foundation of the family, husbands and wives. Children, notice I didn't say that you're the foundation of the family. The Bible never says, husbands, love your children above everything. And it never says, wives, submit to your children. And I was thinking about that. We live in such a depraved and distorted world that husbands often give deference to their kids over their wives. And wives often submit to the wills and whims of their children, than rather their husband. Marriage is very important, and I pray that God, by His Spirit, would show us, especially as husbands, as heads, as leaders, that how we live and how we carry ourselves and our families out in this world, either it gives good advertisement to the gospel of Christ, or it represents and false advertises the gospel of Christ. The Bible plainly teaches over and over, where we look determines how we live. I want to say that again. Where we look determines how we live. And so if you want to be a good husband, I'm not saying, okay, now try harder and pull up your moral bootstraps and go to a marriage conference and take notes and do these ten things. I'll make it very simple the way Paul does. Look at Christ. Immerse yourself in the Gospel and be filled with the Spirit. And the fruit of that filling will be godly husbandry. Where we look determines how we walk. If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above where Christ is. Seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds, husbands. Set your minds, wives. Set your minds, singles. Set your minds, children. On things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. Verse 5 of Colossians 3. Put to death therefore. See the link? Look at Christ, set your mind on things above, and walk in a manner worthy of who Christ is and what He has called you to be and to do. The illustration that came to mind yesterday was of a compass. A compass always points north. And if we're constantly looking at that compass which is pointing north, we will be in the right direction. And if husbands and wives together are looking at the compass together, they will walk together in the right direction. But once you take your eyes off the compass, you're hooped. In a world that is likened to a wilderness, you're lost. Some of you this morning need to fix your eyes afresh upon Christ, or maybe for the first time, maybe you're wandering around. You're aimless. You're like the Gentiles of chapter 4. Fix your eyes upon Christ. Husbands and wives, look together at His glorious face. It's amazing how when you seek the Lord together, how sweet, how beautiful, how Christ-like your marriage will become. How its fragrance will follow you wherever you go. The Scriptures make it very clear. That our compass is not morality, not church attendance, not showing up. Our compass is Christ. As one of the books I was reading this week said, Paul is not a marriage counselor. He's not putting on a marriage conference in Ephesians 5. A lot of preachers will take this and they'll say, yep, this is what Paul's teaching. Paul's teaching about the Lord Jesus Christ and he's showing how marriage is a perfect illustration of that. Paul is a steward of the mysteries of the Gospel, 1 Corinthians 4. He was sent not to baptize or give marriage seminars, but to preach the Gospel of Christ. And so if you leave here this morning thinking I gave you a marriage conference sermon, you missed it, because I want to show you the Gospel of Christ and how your marriage is now to imitate that. It's very simple. Paul's writing for men who are simple like me. And I'm thankful for that. Keep looking to Christ. You and your marriage will not be led astray. As you look at Him together, husband and wife, a glorious harmony will occur. The unity of the Spirit of the bond of peace will be very evident in your marriage. He says, do everything. Be eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit and the bond of peace. Look at Christ together. Husbands and wives, are you doing family devotions? Are you reading the Bible together? Are you praying together? Are you spending time in fellowship together? Are you coming to church together? Are you sitting, as it were, at the feet of Jesus Christ together? Some people at the door if you want. As we look at Christ together, we will become like Christ together. Which is why Paul ends his theological section of chapter 3 fixing and focusing our gaze where? Christ. So before he says, do, do, do, he points us to the done, done, done. I would encourage you, look at how chapter 3 ends. Oh that the Spirit would show you the love of God in Christ through the gospel. Now walk in a manner worthy. Husbands, are you struggling to be a good husband? You might feel so guilty this morning. I'm a horrible husband. Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full at His wonderful face. God will supernaturally begin to change you from the inside out. And as you look at Christ, your wife will notice. Just like when they were stoning Stephen, as he was looking to Christ, they noticed that he had the face of an angel, as it were. Oh, that our marriages would be radiant, and Christ exalting like that. In the previous section of chapter 5, where Paul dealt with practicality matters, we are to live prudently. We are to watch carefully how we walk. We are to redeem the time. In verses 15 to 21 he says how Christians are to live together as a church. Verses 22 to the end of the chapter is how we are to live together as a family. Don't worry about memory, I'm just trying to show you that Paul is very logical and sequential in his thought. So we move from church to family. And I think that's important because the church is made up of families. You're thinking, but I'm a single person. You grew up in a family. Healthy families, healthy church. Unhealthy families, unhealthy church. And so Paul I think wants us to understand that. Don't think that you can contribute in the fullest possible way to a local church if your marriage is in tatters. Does this ever surprise you that the qualifications for an elder are not that he's an eloquent speaker, but rather he's able to manage his own household well? You can have the tongues of an angel, and the memory of an elephant. And if your kids are wayward and you don't respect your wife or love her, you have no reason to be in the pulpit. So this morning, Paul zooms in to focus upon the family, primarily the husband and the wife. I have two simple points this morning. I hope I don't unnecessarily confuse you. Two points. One, why? Husbands and wives are to walk together in gospel unity for the glory of God. Why? They should seek gospel marriage. And two, how husbands and wives are to walk together in gospel unity. So first the theological, the why, and then the how. My first point, why? Why does marriage matter? And for this Paul gives us what I call a remarkable Revelation, verse 31, 32. Let me read it again. Therefore, which reminds us of the previous verse. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the Church. This is why marriage matters. Paul gives us a remarkable revelation. Let me paraphrase it for you. The earthly one-flesh union of a husband and a wife in marriage is a beautiful and tangible picture of the heavenly one-flesh union of Christ and His church in salvation. I'll read it again, because I see some of you furiously trying to write that down. There's an earthly one-flesh union between a husband and a wife which gives us a beautiful picture of a heavenly one-flesh union between Christ and His church. Marriage is a beautiful picture, or should be. Gospel marriage is to be a beautiful picture of gospel salvation. The oneness of a husband and wife in a gospel marriage is to point us to the gospel reality of the oneness of Christ and His church. That's all Paul is trying to say. Paul is using the most intimate and ultimate earthly relationship on earth. There's nothing sweeter, there's no stronger or more intimate relationship on earth than between a man and his wife. Even your bromance friends and the guys you play soccer and hockey with, you can chum it up all you want. Even your earthly brothers. Even, as Paul says, between a son or a daughter and their mother and father. It pales in comparison to the one flesh relationship. I'm not one flesh with my parents, or with my brother, or with my best friends. I'm one flesh. with my wife. It is the most beautiful and intimate, or ought to be the most beautiful and intimate relation on earth. And Paul is taking that intimacy, and he's saying that's just a snippet, a taste, a foreshadowing of the intimacy that Christ has with this church. See why you should be very intimate and loving towards your spouse in public? You should be able to say, that pales in comparison to what Christ is for me. This is evangelical marriage. When a husband gives up his calendar so he can take his wife out. The Lord convicted me last night. It's like, Ryan, it's Remembrance Day, which is the same as Valentine's Day for us husbands. He says, it's coming up. Mark it off on the calendar. Sucker someone into watching your kids and take your wife out. And someone should say, oh, Why would you do that? Because I love my wife. You would sacrifice... It's Friday night. You can go out with the boys. You can go to the pub. You can go home. You can do it. My wife is worth more to me. You would sacrifice that for your wife? Yeah, but let me tell you of an even greater sacrifice. Let me tell you of the One who was the Son of God, who came and sought His bride, and He bought her, and He gave up His life for her, not just His Friday night. Amazing. Paul is using the most intimate and ultimate earthly relationship possible to illustrate the most intimate and ultimate heavenly relationship available. And I want to stop right here. Do you have that heavenly relationship? Are you seated with Christ in the heavenly places in Ephesians 2.5? Have you been made alive together with Christ or are you still dead in your sins? What good would it be to be a good husband for 40, 50, 60 years and then die and go to hell? Do you know of this intimacy between God and man through the God-man Jesus Christ? Have you experienced it by repenting of your sins? Have you entered into a faith relationship with Jesus Christ? I hope you have. Because all this advice of being a good husband or wife pales in comparison. to what you could have in Christ, which would enable you, supernaturally, to be a better husband and or wife. No wonder Paul tells us in verse 32, this mystery is great! Indeed, literally, it's a mega mysterion for the few Greek nerds in the congregation. It's a mega mystery! It's a great, it's a profound mystery, which reminds us That the word mystery is not like us becoming detectives with our spiritual magnifying glasses, trying to be like MacGyver, or Barnaby Jones, or Matlock, and all those old schoolers. But not to be like, my little kids watch a show called Busytown, and they're always trying to look for mysteries, and try to solve a mystery, and solve riddles. That's not what a mystery is in the scripture. A mystery is something that God has hidden, but revealed by His Spirit to His people. That's why I call the sermon, The Gospel Mystery of Marriage. The Spirit must illumine and open your eyes to see the beauty of marriage as a picture and type of the Gospel of Christ. If the Spirit doesn't illuminate that, marriage is not a big deal to you. Marriage will not matter to you. But if the Spirit, Christian, shows you that marriage shows us to Christ, marriage will be very important. How you treat your spouse will be radically different as you leave here. Chapter 1, I just want to show you this. This is why we need to pray for the preaching of the Word. This is why a pastor is helpless apart from the working of the Holy Spirit. Blessed be the God and Father, verse 3, of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places. He's giving you everything you need for life and godliness. even as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and blameless before Him in love, having predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to the purpose of His will, to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has blessed us in the Beloved, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace, which He lavished upon us in awe, wisdom, and insight, making known to us..." What does it say? The mystery of His will. And the reason why I read that is because it's one long sentence for Paul. There's no periods in it. That part of salvation is God making known to us, revealing to us, the mystery of His will. Well, what is it? According to His purpose, which He set forth in Christ as a plan for fullness of time, to unite all things in Him. God's purpose is to unite in Himself, in Christ, all things. In heaven and on earth. Marriage can be a beautiful picture of that. Of how God in Christ is uniting husbands and wives together in the bond of covenant marriage to the praise of the glory of His grace. See how that works? God's uniting all things. Two people in great unity can show the power of God in the gospel. You take two selfish, gravitationally pulling people who seek their own and can change them from the inside out so that they serve and submit and love each other sacrificially. That's the power of the gospel. A godly gospel-filled marriage is a beautiful picture of what Christ can do to a sinful heart, to a sinful couple, to a sinful world. Chapter 3, Paul says the same thing. He says that grace was given to me to make known to you this mystery. Chapter 3, verse 3. Verse 4, you can perceive my insight into the mystery of Christ. So Paul is always talking about this mystery and Christ and then he's thinking of that in Ephesians 5. This mystery is all about Christ's purpose to unite all things in Himself. What a disservice it is to the Gospel when Christians who profess to know Christ are not united. You see why we should hate divorce with God? Especially as Christians, it should be appalling. This mystery, verse 6 in the ESV, is that Gentiles are the fellow heirs, members of the same body and partakers of the promise in Christ Jesus through the Gospel. This mystery is profound of how marriage is a picture of the Gospel, or should be. Jesus repeatedly taught, unless the Spirit sovereignly opens up our eyes, our ears and our hearts to understand this mystery, it will remain a parable. You remember when the people came? Tell us what this means, Jesus. Blessed are your eyes, for it has been given to you, revealed to you, to know the secrets of the Kingdom of Heaven. Oh, that the Holy Spirit Ephesians 117, might open the eyes of our hearts, might illuminate us to behold, to see this mystery. That we might grow in our knowledge of God. That God might give us the spirit of wisdom and of revelation. We need a revelation of the Gospel, and we need a revelation of how the Gospel is pictured beautifully in marriage. I know I've said that probably ten times, but I would hate for you to leave here not understanding that. Oh, how we should pray. Husbands and wives, for the sake of Christ's glory, stop listening to me right now and start praying. God, show me the beauty of Christ. Pray that first. Open my eyes. Let me be transformed into His image. Show me this mystery which is Christ in us, the hope of glory. Show me that mystery. Then secondly pray, help me to comprehend more fully the gospel and its implications in my marriage. He'll show you how that works itself out practically. I don't need to tell you that. The Holy Spirit can show you how to be a godly husband or a godly wife when you've got the gospel right. You might be feeling I've blown it. The gospel promises forgiveness for failures. Oh, how differently I would. Oh, how differently we would treat our spouses this week if the Spirit actually enabled us this morning to better understand the mystery of the gospel of marriage. Let me give you some examples. Chapter 4. Applying this now to husbands and wives. I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called. First, How humbly we would walk towards our spouse if only we comprehended how much Christ humbled Himself on the cross for us. You know why we're not humble with our spouses? Any single people thinking, I'm just going to check out, most of you are going to be married soon. I sure hope so. Still waiting to do a marriage ceremony. Oh, how humble we would be. How dare me be proud towards my wife. I can't be when I'm looking at Christ, who in Philippines to humble himself to the point of death, even death on a cross, hanging naked, mocked, spat upon, beaten, bearing the wrath of God for my sins. How can I not be humble towards my wife? He also says that we are not only to be humble, we're to be gentle. how much more gently, especially husbands. Sometimes we feel our wives are imposing upon our busy schedule, at least me. Sometimes I'm not gentle but harsh, but oh how gentle I would be towards Christina if I only understood how gentle Christ is with me. When I goof up, screw up, fall short, Oh, how gentle the Savior is. Oh, how gentle we should be towards one another to show to this world. This is a paling comparison to how gentle my Savior has been and is still with me. Third, with patience. Again, I don't know, maybe just a Guy thing or a Ryan thing. Oh, how patient we would be towards our spouse if only we realized how patient God in Christ is towards us. Romans 2, one of my favorite passages. It's God's patience and kindness that leads us to repentance, not embarking at us. How much more would we be able to bear with our spouses in love, in all of their shortcomings and peculiarities? Trust me, I have a lot. Oh, how much more Christina would bear with me and my foibles and follies if she only understood how much Christ bears with her. How much more eager would we be to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace? How much more eager would we be willing to fight for marriage? To fight to keep it? If we understood that God's love for us is infinite and eternal. The love of Christ is rich in fee, fixed on His own. Temporally? No! Eternally! No earth, no hell can it remove. Long as He lives! His only love! Oh, how we should maintain the union. We have a squabble. A lot of Christians go right to the divorce lawyer. Oh, how disgusting that is. I remember talking with a pastor. And I was pleading with him to fight that this couple stay together. And he said, they're just not soulmates. That is an anti-gospel. What if Christ did that to you? I guess we're just not soulmates. He entered into covenant with me. I guess it just ain't working out. Oh, how eager we would be to maintain unity and what steps we would take to preserve it if we understood what Christ has done for us. Chapter 4, verse 25. I'm just getting practical with you. I'm usually all theological. You should be very thankful. Verse 25, put away falsehood. Why would we ever lie to our spouse, when all Christ has ever done is tell us what is true? You see how the Gospel changes everything? I know I'm focusing on marriage, but this is for everybody. How could we be sinfully angry with our spouse? Go to bed, sleeping on the couch. Get in the pillow all nice and comfortable for a good night's sleep. How can we be sinfully angry with our spouse when Christ has never sinfully been angry with us? Oh, He's been angry, but not sinfully so. Christ doesn't hold grudges and neither should we. Why would we ever rob our spouse when Christ has never robbed us? Actually, all Christ has ever done is empty Himself out for us. Why would we ever defile our spouse with our sinful words when all Christ has ever done is bless us and build us up with His? That tongue can be so dirty, husbands and wives, that no uncorrupting, undefiling talk come out of your mouth, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to your wife, to your husband, to whoever. Why would we ever cling bitterly to all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and malice when Christ has let all of those things go? Why would we ever commit adultery against our spouse when Christ has only and ever been pure and faithful towards His spouse? See why adultery is so ugly? Could you imagine how different marriage in the church would be from that scene in the world if only we understood and comprehended this gospel mystery of marriage. What a city on a hill we would be to our children, to our families, our friends, our neighbors, our co-workers. That's evangelism, isn't it? What a glorious gospel apologetic a Christ-centered marriage can be to a skeptical world. For some of you who are single, you should be praying already that God would prepare you to be a godly husband, a godly wife, a spirit-filled lover of one. But Paul is saying simply this. If you want to see what the gospel looks like in real life, look at a spirit-filled, Christ-centered gospel marriage. And you're saying, but I don't have one. Ask. Seek. Knock. And then you know what you should do right after that? Ask, seek, and knock. And then you know what you should do right after that? Ask, seek, and knock. For it is the Father's good pleasure to give the Kingdom to His children. If that were not so, Christ would have never come. John Piper says this. Marriage exists for God's glory. How? Marriage is patterned after Christ's covenant relationship to His redeemed people, the Church. And therefore, the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and His Church on display. That is why your marriage exists, if you are married. If you are single and hope to be married, this should be your dream and your prayer. Let my marriage smell of Christ. Let it be a picture to my neighbors of Christ's love for His people. What a remarkable revelation indeed. No wonder the Bible says in Hebrews 13, let marriage be held in honor among everyone. Beloved, because the gospel matters, marriage matters. First point, a remarkable revelation, the why. Second point, a rudimentary review. Rudimentary just means elementary, just the basics. A remarkable revelation, a rudimentary review. This is how we are now, to put this into practice. It's often been said that if we take care of the main things, the little things will take care of themselves. That's Paul's strategy right here. He doesn't get into a list of 15 things. One each. Very simple. This is the main thing. Focus on this one main thing. And all the little odds and ends will come into play later. Rather than giving us an exhaustive how-to, Paul keeps it simple. Husbands, love your wives. Wives, respect your husbands. Why only one command for each? It seems that Paul is dealing with each gender's unique weakness and need. Men have a hard time sacrificing for anyone other than themselves. And I've already preached it, so I'm not going to go there again. Women have a very hard time respecting and submitting to their husband. Why? Genesis chapter 3. Sin. It's a peculiar weakness. So Paul goes for the very thing men struggle with and the very thing that women and wives struggle with. Men, love. I can't. If you gave me something easy to do, I would do it in the flesh. But you're telling me to love as Christ loves? I can't. Exactly. So you need to be filled with the spirit of power to be strengthened in your inner man by the Spirit. You can't. I can't respect my husband. Do you know what a doofus he is? Do you know what he's done to me? I can't respect him. Exactly. That's why Paul's commanding it. That you might fall on your knees and cry out for grace to help in time of need. Not only are these things our greatest weaknesses, but they're also our greatest needs. I've never read the book, but I've heard the gist of it. Love and respect. And basically, I think the premise is this. That a husband needs He craves, not even sinfully, he's wired for respect. He wants his wife's respect. And it helps him flourish. Likewise, a wife needs the husband's unconditional, sacrificial love. It helps her to flourish. I think Paul just keeps it very simple. It's our greatest weakness and our greatest need. And oh how we need the Holy Spirit to work this into our lives. The very thing that is hardest to give is the very thing our spouses need most greatly. That's why I'm not just saying, be a good husband, have a good marriage. You need a gospel marriage. The gospel is the power of God for salvation, for deliverance, for everything we need. As a wife respects her husband, the husband will love his wife more. As the husband loves his wife more, the wife will respect her husband more. It's a beautiful union at play here. Let's quickly just look at the commandment. Quickly, husband's love. Here's our rudimentary review for husbands. Husband's love. We've seen this. I preached three messages on it, and I'm not even tempted to re-preach them. We saw in verses 25 to 30 that this agape, this love, was sacrificial, sanctifying, and sensible. Husbands, that's how you love your wife. Sacrifice yourself for her. Sacrifice yourself for her sanctification. And do so because it is sensible. He who loves his wife, loves himself. Husbands, love your wives. It's a present tense, just like in verse 25. And for us Greek nerds, that basically means this is an ongoing thing. It's not love her when the pastor visits. Love her when people are watching. Love her when you want something. Right? You get lonely? I'll do something for my wife, because maybe it'll pay off. It's not love. It's manipulation. Husbands love unconditionally at all times, this is to be who you are. Literally, he says after that. only you also, one by one, each his own wife, so let him love as himself." Don't write that down, that's just a literal translation. But he says this, only you also, one by one, each his own wife. This is what I took from it. In my self-righteousness, you know what I like to do? I like to be a log-picker, a speck-picker, I mean. And I like to look at marriages that are worse than mine, and husbands that are more dumb than me. Maybe it's possible, maybe not. But I like to go around comparing. And he says, each of you, one by one, your own wife, love her. Don't worry about others. Redeem the time, make the best use of it. Don't walk as unwise, walk as wise man. Focus on your wife. Don't focus on other husbands and their wives. Spend your time loving your own wife. Wives, respect your husbands. If it is true that men often dominate women with strength, then it is equally true that women try to control men with shame. Men try to dominate with strength, Women try to shame and bring control. It is worth noting here that Paul uses a different word than verse 24. Just look at it. Oh, verse 22, sorry. Wives submit. In verse 33, wives respect. Which one, Paul? Do I submit or do I respect to you? Having a schizophrenic moment? Do you forget? Like, Paul, it's ten verses away, man. Husbands love and love. Wives submit and respect. Again, this is what I think Paul is doing. Intentionally using a different word, he's going to parallel and show the link between submission and respect. There's a reason why a lot of women cannot submit to their husbands. You know why? It's because they don't respect him. Before you can submit to Him, you need to respect Him. And already I hear the accusations, you don't know my husband. Well, hopefully I will be able to biblically destroy that. When a wife respects her husband, she will submit to his leadership. Verse 21. Yeah, verse 21. Okay, so we saw wives respect your husbands. Verse 21, all Christians are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. That's the same Greek. And I think there's an intentional link there. Let me just try to tease it out for you here. The reverence you have for your husband should find its source not in who He is, in what He does, or in how deserving He is. Rather, your reverence, your respect for your husband must be rooted in your relationship with Christ. That changes everything, doesn't it? Here's the analogy that I think Scripture gives elsewhere. Honor, respect your authorities. Even Nero? 1 Peter 2 says yes. He's not worthy of my respect. He's a murderer. How can I honor the king? Because God has put him there. Out of your reverence to God's authority and sovereignty in putting him there, honor him. God, as we saw two or three months ago, has made the husband head of the family. He's not qualified. Neither are many of our leaders. I submit to police officers, not because of how great a people they are, but because of the authority invested in them by a sovereign God in Romans 13. Submit to one another in fear, in reverence, in respect of Christ. And then Paul says at the very end of this section, husbands and wives, he began it with respect for Christ. He's saying, wives, respect your husbands out of your respect and reverence for Christ. Don't look at your husband when you're trying to work up reverence and respect him. Look at Christ. Understand that God has put that man there. And you should pray for him. If he's not converted, respect him. 1 Peter 3. Win him without words. Pray that God would change him. Don't trash talk him. Don't belittle him. Don't laugh at him. Don't make him feel like a boy. Honor him. Respect him. Whether he's saved or not, He craves that. A quote from Brian Chappell. We're almost done. Just as a husband's qualities cannot kindle his wife's irreverence, neither should his faults quench it. Okay? I could respect him if he was super husband. That's not how it works. You respect him irrespective of that. Rather, the wife must recognize that in her service to her Savior, she is a conduit of grace to her husband, as long as God binds them together. You see how that changes everything? That my respect towards the husband now becomes a worship of Christ thing? That in my respecting him, I see that he's going to use me as a conduit of grace for his well-being? rather than trash-talking Him and being a conduit of destroying Him. Because I love Christ, I want to be a conduit towards blessing my husband. I will respect him. This also is a present tense. Don't respect your husband when you want something. Respect him all the time. It won't work. Then you don't believe. and the sufficiency of Scripture. Isn't that what faith is? Isn't that the definition of Hebrews 11? Faith? It's the assurance of things hoped for. The conviction of things not seen. I don't see change in my husband. I don't see these things. Faith is different than visible sight. You're taking God at His Word. Husbands, love your wives. as your own bodies, wives respect your husbands. Let me give you a quick application. How to how? First point was why? Why gospel marriage matters? Second, how do we live out gospel marriage? Well, we live it out by loving and by respecting. But how? How to how? If you're an honest person, Whether a husband or a wife, you should be thinking, this whole gospel marriage thing is utterly impossible. Love is a four letter word, but it is very hard to do. Perhaps even right now you're thinking, there's no way I can sincerely love my wife with no strings attached. Or, there's no way I can honestly respect a husband who does not deserve it. Paul is anticipating this very thing. Because in chapter 5 verse 18, He gives us the source of such obedience. I would encourage you to turn in your Bibles to Ephesians 5 verse 18. This is the grammatical foundation of all that follows in His exhortations. Do not get drunk with wine, for that is excessive or debauchery. Rather, be being filled with the Spirit, And you'll notice there's a whole bunch of ING verbs after, called participles. You're filled with the Spirit, you begin to address, you begin to sing, you begin to give thanks, you begin to submit. And what Paul is simply saying is that apart from the filling of the Spirit, you cannot carry out what Christ requires of you. You cannot love your wife as Christ loved the Church, nor can you respect your husband as the Church respects Christ, until you're filled with the Holy Spirit. Which should cause you to ask, well how do I get filled with the Holy Spirit? Oh, it's very simple. Let me give you Paul's answer from the book of Ephesians. First he says negatively in Ephesians 4.30, quit quenching the Spirit. You know how you quench the Spirit? Unrepentant sin. You cannot be Spirit filled. while you're clinging to sin. You cannot let the love of Christ dwell richly in you, in chapter 3, when you've got idols in your arms. It'd be like me trying to bring a prostitute into my marriage bed. You think Christina's going to dwell richly with you? You think she'd want to be there? Get rid of that whore. Get rid of that sin. Quit quenching the Holy Spirit. You're a temple. If you're a Christian, you're a temple of the Holy Spirit. Humble yourself under the mighty hand of God and repent. Let go of the sin. Positively though, he says this, that we are filled with the Spirit's power in answer to sincere prayer. That's what Paul prays in chapter 3. We are filled with the Spirit's power in answer to sincere and believing prayer. As the Christian gazes upon the beauty and love of Christ. Believing Beholding. Becoming. Simple. Pray believingly. Behold Christ. Become like Him through the Spirit. Christ's love flows through you. You're able to do the impossible. So quit grieving the Spirit with your sin. Put it away. And ask that God would fill you as you gaze upon Christ who comes to fill us. all in all. Simply put, all that follows in verse 19 to the end of the chapter is the fruit or the result of the Spirit's filling. Being a godly husband is the fruit of the Spirit's filling. Respecting your husband is the supernatural fruit of the Spirit's filling. Okay, it's not a moralistic try-harder. You can go to many other churches that will tell you that. Our power comes from God. Husbands, are you filled with this spirit of power and of love and of self-control? Ask. Ask. Ask God to take out anything that is keeping you from being Spirit-filled. Ask Him to fix your eyes upon Christ. Wives, ask for God to fix your eyes upon Christ and to let go of the gossip, let go of the sin, let go of all the things that keep you from being filled. Ask God if you have no desire. Ask God for desire to be filled. Some of you are like, I really don't care. You're in a perilous condition if you call yourself a Christian and you want not the fullness of Christ. You might be merely a Christian in name only if you have no desire to be filled with the loveliness of Christ or the power of the Spirit. Ask God right now to grant you repentance. I can't repent. Repentance is a gift. I ask God right now to grant you a greater hunger for Christ than your hunger is for the world. A greater hunger for what you want to do this afternoon or what you've got to do this week. The Spirit can do that. Let me give you a conclusion. If we have a high view of the Gospel, we will have a high view of marriage. since it is an indicative parable of Christ's one-flesh covenantal union to his bride, the Church. On the flip side, if you have a low view of marriage, you have a low view of the Gospel. You can give me all your fancy rhetoric, all your fancy language. If you're a horrible husband, You don't get the gospel. You can tell me about all kinds of fancy words, systematic theologies. You can quote to me Calvin and Luther. If you're a horrible husband, you haven't got the gospel mystery. You've just got a whole bunch of information. The gospel changes us. It really does. It helps us to be sacrificial lovers. This is why. We must, with God, fight for marriage, hate divorce. If you're divorced here this morning, that's not the unforgivable sin. But, we should still fight for the sanctity of marriage, and we should plead with people to not get divorced, unless it is the last thing. Why? Why should we fight for marriage? Why should we hate divorce? Because marriage is patterned after Christ's covenant commitment to His church. And I close with this. What is the demonstration of Christ's commitment to His people? So when I wanted to get married to Christina, I was a poor seminary student, but I mustered up money that I had saved, and I gave her an engagement ring, which was very costly to me. Very costly to me. I'm not a millionaire, but it cost me a lot. In other cultures, I was thinking of Anthony, correct me if I'm wrong, but I heard that when he married Mary, that it was required or at least expected of him to give Mary's tribe a whole bunch of cows and cattle and stuff like that. It was to be very costly for him. Right? There's a commitment involved with this covenantal union Regardless of the culture, the message seems the same. The more the bridegroom loves his bride, the more costly his expression of his love and commitment will be. If I'm a millionaire and I give Christine a $50 little ring that I get in one of those little candy dispensers, it shows that I really don't love her. But if I give her something that costs me much, it shows how much I love her. You see the gospel? How do we know Christ loves us? Because He gave Himself up for you. He didn't give you a ring. He gave you Himself. He died on the cross to take away your sins. What more do you need to know that He loves you? Romans 5. For while we were still weak, at the right time, Christ died not for the pretty. Christ is not superficial like us with our marriage where we just want to marry the haughty or the rich guy. Christ marries the ugly and the ungodly. If you don't think that's you, then you're outside the hope of salvation. But if you say, I'm ugly! I'm helpless! Christ died for nobodies like you. Romans 5 says, God chose His love for us in this, in that we were still sinners. Christ died for us. His token is not a ring or a cow. It's His broken body and shed blood. Dear listener, Have you by faith believed in and rested upon this love of Christ that surpasses knowledge? Oh, that this morning the Spirit would woo you, whether afresh or for the first time, to behold the beauty and the loving commitment of the Son of God as He dies upon the cross for the sins that put Him there. Husbands, gaze upon that picture. And you will be a better husband. Wives, gaze upon that picture. And you will become better wives. Let me close in Martin Lloyd's style. And therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother. There's a far greater union. And if you become one, you shall hold fast. Second Kings is used to one of David's mighty men holding fast to the sword. He's just killing guys, cutting them down. Sort of like me. And it claved to his hand in the King James. It became one. He took that sword everywhere with him. He became one with it. There's an even greater oneness. And it's in Christ. This mystery is profound. And I am saying that refers to Christ in the Church. However, Let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Father, we thank you for the gospel of Jesus Christ and how it can transform everything. Marriages, I pray that it would transform kids as we look about how the gospel is to change our children. Help us to be better workers and neighbors, better lovers, worshipers. Oh, that the gospel would go richly in our minds and in our hearts by faith. Lord, would you work in our church. May our church and the marriages comprised therein would be a beautiful testimony of the gospel of the grace of God in the face of Jesus Christ. Father, as we sing this last song, we pray that these words would encourage us and strengthen us. where failures, like myself, give grace, to seek grace. Help us, Lord. We want to honor You. We really do as Your people. Command what You will, and will what You command, we ask, Father, in Jesus' name.