The last time that we were in First Peter, instructions were given to wives. Today, the shoes on the other foot, we're studying under the title, Oh Dear Wife. Husbands, we have a debt of responsibility toward our wives. That responsibility is given from God. It comes from God. We have duties that we are to discharge. in the form of commands that gave to us, and these commands stand even when a man is married to a difficult woman. Ultimately, we cannot control the behavior of someone else, so we are not, in the end, culpable for the success of a marriage when a woman is determined to disobey the instructions that were given in verses one through six. I'm reminded of the unfortunate story of Hosea, whose wife continually lapsed back into prostitution in spite of Hosea's best efforts to woo her back. So this week's message, as well as the message given to wives from verses one through six, is not meant to suggest that you are a failure if your marriage fails. You're responsible for your part in the marriage. Today we'll examine the husband's responsibilities, at least some of those responsibilities. There would be more to be found in scripture. And we'll go to some other passages this morning as well. Today, husbands can take comfort that there's just two responsibilities to discharge. If you can do two things, just two things, you'll be a good and godly husband. Simple in principle, but impossible to do in practice without the help of God, which we had better be seeking. We're in a section of 1 Peter where Peter addressed a submission to authority. It started in chapter two, verse 13, submission to government. Then it moved to workplace authority in verses 18 of chapter two, and then into the home in chapter three, verse one, where verses one through six, Peter addressed the wife's submission to her husband here in verse seven. which we'll mostly focus on, God's authority over the husband is established in that he gives us commands how to be husbands. So our authority is delegated to us by God. Our authority in the home is actually very limited. And so if you hear a man say, whoa, she's supposed to be in submission to me, meaning by that, she's in submission to me so I can do whatever I want. then that man is grossly mistaken and he is lapsed into narcissism. There is an order of authority which is clearly seen, for example, in 1 Corinthians 11, 3. I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. So there's God, Christ, the husband, the wife, We're under the leadership of Christ. There are many things we must not do. There are things that we must do. So be careful about going around declaring headship in your home unless you mean that you're a designated leader in the home working under delegated authority. All right. The head of every man is Christ. And so we could consider that Jesus Christ didn't go around doing whatever he wanted to do. Think about him in the Garden of Eden, begging for a way out of the coming trial and crucifixion. If Jesus had done whatever he wanted to do, he would not have been crucified and we would still be in our sins. But God had authority over Jesus and it was the will of God the Father to crush him and to put Jesus to grief so that his soul would make an offering for our guilt, Isaiah 53.10. And so Jesus was not here to do whatever he wanted and in our economy, we are also not here to do whatever we want in our homes. So what is it that we owe to our wives? Well, I should first say that I, Preaching as much to myself as I am to you. First thing that we owe is servant leadership. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves by submitting to their own husbands as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, the word Lord, master or controller. Just as the wife is to submit, the husband has the role of the master who guides in the marriage. But in the Bible, that leadership, the concept of leadership is always servant leadership. As an example, we have John 13, after Jesus washed the disciples' feet, he said to them, do you understand what I have done for you? You call me teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example that you should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master. In other words, we're not so great that we transcend the role of washing other people's feet. If you know these things, Jesus said, blessed are you if you do them. Would you like to be happy as a husband? Serve your wife. If you don't believe serving will make you happy, you have just contradicted the word of Jesus. In the passage here in 1 Peter, servant leadership is found in verse seven. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. Honor, highest esteem, the highest value, the highest dignity. And so if you were putting up a dignitary, a high-level dignitary in your home, you would ensure that everything's in its place, make sure the bed is made and everything about dinner is just right and the house is clean. And that's how you're going to treat your wife every day. Well, what areas of life does this leadership extend to? I'll suggest a few areas. It won't be all inclusive. Spiritual direction, so that your prayers may not be hindered. That's a hint there to spiritual leadership. The husband is involved in regular prayer, and those prayers, by the way, those prayers, men, are supposed to be effectual. They're not to be hindered. There should be answers to those prayers. You don't always get the answer you want. But if none of your prayers are being answered, you're not an effective spiritual leader. Here's a few thoughts on what spiritual leadership in the home would include. Bible reading. And so, if it would be accurate to say, well, no one reads the Bible in my home. Well, husband, you own that problem. That weight of responsibility falls on you. You should lead by example in Bible reading, but better yet, engage your family in reading together. 11 and a half minutes, that's how much time daily you need to set aside to read the Bible at pulpit rate in a year. It takes 18 hours to read the New Testament at pulpit rate. That's the amount of time it takes to watch six Browns games. So, man, imagine that you're standing before God and giving account for your earthly life, which you will. And he asks you why you never read the Bible in your home. And so you, well, you know, well, we were busy. And then imagine that God begins to point out the time you spent on pursuits that now don't matter, games you watched, video games you played, time you spent hunting and fishing and movies and TVs and books and magazines that you read, and God have mercy on you if you wasted time on something morally objectionable like pornography instead of reading his word. The judgment seat of Christ is real. And I look out, and I think, yeah, for some of us, it's not all that far off. So are you preparing for it? If not, it's not too late to start. Read through the New Testament with your wife, with your family. There's 260 chapters in the New Testament. If you read one chapter every weekday, that is excluding Saturday and Sunday, you'll complete the New Testament in a year. 52 weeks times five days, 260. Less than five minutes per weekday. Man, you're responsible. You'll give account. I could just repeat all of that on a matter of prayer, but I won't for time's sake. Also, in spiritual leadership, church attendance, husbands, you should be the one making sure that everyone is up and ready to be at church consistently and hopefully on time. It's not to suggest that wife or mom shouldn't be involved in this. Certainly, they can be. and you should be, but you end up with the ultimate responsibility. You can't delegate something to your wife and then blame her when it doesn't happen. That's what Adam tried to do. The woman you gave to me, she ate it. Did that get him out of trouble? It did not. You're the leader, you're responsible. How about tithes and offerings? Husbands, you're responsible for oversight, even if your wife keeps the books and writes the checks, and that's okay. You can delegate, but if you're not giving to the kingdom of God, you're responsible to make it happen. All right, let's move on. Point B, advancement of unity. This is taken from Genesis 2, 24. Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife and they shall become one flesh. This verse is repeated three times in the New Testament. And from this passage we get the three essentials for Christian marriage. The concept of leaving, concept of cleaving, the concept of weaving. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall hold fast to his wife. There's cleaving. And they shall become one flesh. There's the weaving of two lives together. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife. And that results in the two becoming one flesh. The responsibilities put on the man. Unfortunately, in many marriages, It is the wife functioning as the glue that holds the marriage together while the husband is absent spiritually and emotionally and relationally and he's occupied with his little entertainments. And he's oblivious to the fact that his wife is wearing herself out trying to hold things together. Of course, Again, it takes two for a good marriage. And in some cases, wives are simply not interested in unity. The reverse is also true. Some husbands just don't care. It takes both partners willing to do their part to save a marriage. But the husband is the leader seeking the unity of the marriage. And when it becomes evident that there's a problem in the marriage, it's the husband who takes initiative to identify the problem and to ensure that the problem is being addressed. Now that, I would say, is an area where a great number of us, as husbands, are not stepping up to the plate, as we should be. All right, financial stability. This from 1 Timothy 5.8, but if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for the members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. Husbands? Your responsibility for finances in your marriage is above the responsibility that your wife may have in that area. And if you have children, you're responsible for the finances of the family. Here's another verse or verses on the necessity of providing for your family, and this is 2 Thessalonians 3, 10 through 12. For when we were with you, Paul said, we would give you this command, if anyone is not willing to work, let him not eat. For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busy bodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own living. I think about this verse when someone calls the church with a sob story about how they need money, or when somebody walks into our church asking for the same. But part of the leadership role of husbands is to ensure that your household is supplied with basic needs, emphasis on basic needs. The Holy Spirit said through Paul in 1 Timothy 6, 8, if we have food and clothing with these, we will be content. So husbands are not to spend all their time and energy chasing after money and toys to keep up with the Joneses or for some kind of vanity reasons. But basic needs are met through the husband's work and the husband's planning. Wives should be free of anxiety about where the money is going to come to pay for food and clothes and housing and medical needs. There are, of course, catastrophes that happen that sometimes make this difficult or impossible. But in the absence of such catastrophes, especially here in America, where it's still a land of financial opportunity, the husband needs to ensure his wife and his family are provided for. All right, parenting direction. Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. In this passage, in Ephesians, the primary responsibility for instruction and discipline of children belongs to the father. Of course, mothers have responsibilities too. As seen, for example, in Proverbs 1.8. Hear my son your father's instruction and forsake not your mother's teaching. But even in that verse, the father is listed first. Many of us as husbands, we lose sight of the heavy burden it puts on our wives at home when we are at work. in their home dealing with our children. In agrarian society, such as was the case when Peter wrote, or where fathers worked from home, let's say in a carpenter shop, Fathers were often readily present when needed. Today, many of us are gone at work when a disciplinary issue comes up. I can remember more than a couple times getting a call from Andrea while I was at work and such and such was happening and, you know, so and so didn't want to do what they needed to do and, you know, or so and so was arguing and, you know, If she was fortunate enough to catch me at a time where I could talk to the child on the phone, I could do that. But the impact of a phone call is different from sitting down with a child face to face. Now, men, we need to be even more present. When we're not at work, we have to be more present than ever. When we're at home, because in light of the industrial revolution, We have much fewer hours at home than past generations used to. And so, men were at a disadvantage somewhat and our wives are at a disadvantage. Our children are at a disadvantage with father taken out of the home more so than in past years. The two activities that were commanded in this verse in Ephesians 6-4, discipline and instruction, they both require time and planning. And if you put no time and no planning into discipline or instruction, your children are going to pay the price, your wife is gonna pay the price for your absence. Now, if you're past the age where you have young children, maybe you were a great parent, maybe you have some regrets, I don't know. But remember, a father never gives up on his children. The prodigal son's father was beyond the age where he could do that kind of intense training with the prodigal or his older brother, but the father, is always watching for the return of his wayward son and ran to meet him when he returned. Those of us who have adult children not living up to what we hoped for, we need to take courage from the father in that parable. Now, in summing up the father's responsibility of leadership, I came across a statement from Got Questions that said, summed it up in a way that I would have liked to, but they have better words than I do. So this is what they said. Leadership is not domination or control. A leader is one who goes first. He sets the pace for the family by practicing what he preaches. He's on the lookout for dangers and takes initiative to protect his family from them. He meets first with God so that When he presents a plan to his wife or family, they have confidence that he is following the direction of the Holy Spirit. He leads them to a healthy Bible teaching church. He leads them in personal devotions. He leads them away from worldliness. He leads his wife as her confidant and champion. He leads his children to come to know Christ. He leads that church by serving according to his gifts. He is a man that his children can be proud of. And I would add, his wife can be proud of him, too. All right. On to the second debt that husbands owe their wives, according to God's word, sensitive love. Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. It's not enough to just say, husbands, love your wives, unless you really define what you mean by love. It has to be love done in an understanding way, in an honoring way. And that's tied here to the fact that the woman is the weaker vessel. That's a description I'm sure you're interested in hearing more about. But this verse in 1 Peter is unique in some ways. You won't find many other scriptures that address a husband's need to live with her wife in understanding or knowledge or that talks about the woman as the weaker vessel, either. These two concepts will lead to the sub-points, A and B. So it's an understanding love that a husband is commanded to have. Or love according to knowledge, the picture here depicting what really husbands do not want to be. on the screen. The word translated as understanding really means knowledge or science. As a husband, we're supposed to have a lot of knowledge in our marriages. What does that mean? The knowledge described in verse seven, or the understanding described in verse seven, it could be understood at least two ways. The first way it could be understood is, oh, you have to have scriptural knowledge. You have to know what the Bible commands you as a father and as a husband, and you have to understand the Bible and live according to what the Bible commands us as husbands. A second way to understand the understanding here would be to say that it's knowledge about his wife as a unique individual. I suspect that the second meaning is more what Peter had in mind, although the first is true also. But in the animal kingdom, species perpetuate themselves through instinct. British urges that bring male and female together without developing a relationship based on deep level communication. Husbands are called to have a deep level understanding of their particular wife. Remember, a man leaves his father and mother, cleaves to his wife, and then weaves his life together with his wife. The connection, it's deep-seated. The fabric created in marriage, it's intricately woven. The two beings have intermingled in a way that a new entity is formed, and that new entity was impossible to create aside from the marriage. That's what I find so disturbing about polygamy in the Old Testament. Solomon had 700 wives. Do you think he created interwoven fabrics with each of the 700 wives based on deep level knowledge, deep level communication, deep level appreciation? No. He just lapsed into animal instinct. But if you're involved in pornography or any other kind of sexual sin, you're doing the same. Remember, God's plan has always been one man and one woman. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh so they are no longer two but one flesh, Mark 10, seven and eight. Now the best way I know how to proceed with helping us understand what this might mean in real life is by asking a series of questions, which I find kind of scary. How well do I know my wife? But nonetheless, here we go. All right. Juan, what's causing your wife stress right now? Are you currently helping her in some area in her life where she feels stress? Are you praying for some stressor of hers? Two, what makes your wife feel appreciated and loved? Is it gifts? Is it going out to dinner? Is it spending time with her? Is it physical touch? Is it when you help out around the house? Three, what makes your wife laugh? Do you understand her sense of humor? Are you able to say or do something that will cause her to laugh when the situation calls for it? Four, what does she like to daydream about? What would she like to do if she had time and money to do it? What does she prefer to do when she has downtime? What does she like to read? What hobby would she pick up if she had more time? Five, what accomplishments or accomplishment is your wife proud of? What makes her feel like she's been a success or has been a worthy contributor? Six, what are your wife's insecurities? What kinds of things do you need to avoid saying because you know it's going to trigger her? Seven, what regrets does she have? What things try to get into her thinking and create wounds in her conscience? Eight, what causes your wife to be spiritually or emotionally tired? Nine, what kind of compliments mean a lot to your wife? Ten, what are her hidden talents? Things that most people wouldn't know, they wouldn't see because there's no public outlet for the expression of it. Do you know what her hidden talents are? One more. What keeps your wife awake at night? What does she worry about? There are, of course, many other questions that could be added to the list, but you get the point. Men, we are responsible to make sure the process of leaving, cleaving, and weaving, especially, is moving ahead. If your life is well woven with your wife, it seems to me you could have answered quite a few of those questions, although probably not all of them. We have to listen for verbal cues. We have to watch for nonverbal clues. We have to pay attention. All right. B, honoring love. Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. So here is that weaker vessel passage. The wife. Being a weaker vessel is owed honor, highest esteem, dignity, treatment as valuable to the highest degree. And that honor is connected to her position as the weaker vessel, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel. So we try to understand how the woman is the weaker vessel. Now, looking at the Greek words doesn't help much. Weaker simply means strengthless. Vessel means equipment or apparatus, so that is to say the body. Other passages in the New Testament indicate that the vessel is usually thought of as the body. And so, the question is, how is the woman the weaker vessel, the weaker apparatus? Well, if you look at the verse, you'll see that Peter gave no further explanation on this. So we need to avoid complete dogmatism on the interpretation. So what I give you makes sense for me, and it's what other persons have said as well. So we'll start with the obvious. The wife is usually weaker physically. Clearly, there are exceptions. Some women are very strong. Some men are not. These are general rules. As a general rule, men are stronger than women. That's why a man who is a very mediocre swimmer can take a few hormones and enter into collegiate female swimming and immediately break records all over the place. The advantage. that men have is partly size, but it also involves various structural advantages that I don't fully understand, but have to do with leverage and that sort of thing. But men are generally more formidable physically. This, I think, is the primary point that Peter is making. Men and women are different. The difference is embedded in creation. It's by God's design. God designed men to be physically stronger in general. The man's vessel and the woman's vessel, they're complementary. God made them that way. The difference in men's bodies and women's bodies goes beyond muscle mass. The physical difference between men and women extends to brain function and hormonal function. There's now a strong body of scientific evidence showing that men's brains and women's brains are different in size and in function. We know that women are more likely to experience depression by 40% or so. This may have to do with the different function of the amygdala in the brain. The amygdala is that portion of the brain that processes emotions, in particular, fear. Women, it's known, retain stronger and more vivid memories of emotional events than men do. So are there other ways in which a wife could be considered a weaker vessel other than muscle mass? Well, how about in logic? That is the ability to use logic to avoid deception. Is there any scriptural evidence that might lend to this? Well, maybe, 1 Timothy. Let a woman learn quietly with all submissiveness. I do not permit a woman to teach or to exercise authority over a man. Rather, she is to remain quiet. For Adam was formed first, then Eve, Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor. Immediately following these verses, Paul went into elder qualifications where he said, for example, in chapter three, verses one and two, the saying is trustworthy. If anyone aspires to be to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. Therefore, an overseer must be above reproach the husband of one wife. Well, somebody says, I don't like that. I don't think that's right, I don't think that's okay. Okay, but you take that argument to God, I'm just reading what scripture says. Someone else will say, well, I know some women who are a lot smarter and less gullible than their husbands. Right, we said it's a general rule. If we took the approach of letting the most logical and least gullible spouse in the marriage be the leader, since there are some women smarter and less gullible than their husband, who should decide in any given marriage if the husband or the wife is smarter? Don't you think that would be a bloodbath? In every marriage, I'm smarter than you. No, you're not. Who's going to decide? So we could debate whether the weaker vessel here extends to logic or maybe to more fragile emotions. The higher incidents of depression in women might argue for that. But actually, it's not a hill that I'm going to die on. So we'll leave the weaker vessel. Let's talk about why men are commanded to honor the wife who's at least physical vessel is weaker. Why? Well, it's embedded in the nature of God. God's love is always watched out for the weak. This is evident in Salvation, Romans 5, 5, and 6. God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us for while we were still weak. at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. Now recently we came through the book of James in which we read in chapter one verse 27, religion that is pure and undefiled before God the father is this, to visit the orphans and widows in their affliction and to keep oneself unstained from the world. The nature of God's love is never to exploit power. but to use power to protect the weak and the poor. Another reason husbands need to honor their wives is because our unity in the marriage is a picture of the love of God for his church, the love of Christ for his church. This taken from Ephesians 5. skipping part of it but starting at verse 25 and ending at 33. Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. And then he repeats that verse from Genesis 2. Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Well this is a mystery This mystery is profound and I'm saying that it refers to Christ in the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. In a culture these days where many people no longer have any knowledge of scripture, scriptural illiteracy is on the rise. People are still able to watch your marriage. And if they see a mutual love and a beauty in your marriage, that beauty becomes a testimony of the love of Christ. As they understand that you're Christian and your wife is Christian and they are able to view the difference that Christ has made in your life. All right, in conclusion, think of your wife as a spiritual co-heir, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life. Spiritually speaking, all people are equal. Husbands and wives are equal. Children are equal. Husbands have no place to think of themselves as superior. We have different roles in the family. Husband has a role, wife has a role, children have a role, but that does not imply different value. That would be completely contrary to the tone of all scripture, which implores us to be humble and implores us to think of others as more important than ourselves. And then finally for today, avoid hindered prayers. You knew what was going in that blank. So that your prayers may not be hindered, men, if we're not leading our wives as servants and we're not loving our wives sensitively, we should not expect consistently to have prayers answered. This blockage in prayer could be explained in two ways. One, you could say that, well, God will resist my prayers. if I'm living like a jerk. The second way you could explain it would be more of a natural consequence of my behavior. My own conscience might bother me and it would make my prayers clouded and ineffective or in my home, when my home is disintegrating and the lifestyle I'm living as a selfish, narcissistic man, it just doesn't put me in a place where God can answer my prayers. I haven't put myself in a place where God can bless my marriage or bless my life in general. There's another verse from James that we'll look at, James 5.16, therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for one another that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working. Are your prayers powerful? Well, if not, maybe you need to work on being righteous. But this would be true of ladies and children as well. Are your prayers to be powerful? Be righteous. If you look at your marriage and see that you're falling far short of the command of Peter here in verses one through seven, it's time to repent, build obedience into your life, and then your prayers will be answered. Not every one the way that you want them, but they'll be powerful, they'll be effective as they work. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, we thank you for scripture which enlightens us. Father, we've just come through two lessons, one on the responsibilities of wives and one on the responsibilities of husbands. And we acknowledge, Father, we are so very far off the path and we cannot get on the path without your help. And so we do ask for your help. We remind ourselves that the Holy Spirit walks with us every day. And so we pray, Father, for the help that we need to have the kinds of marriages that we would like to have and the kinds of marriages that would allow us to have effectual and powerful prayer lives. Be with us as we continue to worship this morning, we pray in Jesus' name, amen.