So I'll read the questions, and if it's a marriage question, I'll try to answer it, or maybe give it to Rick. And if it's a parenting question, Rick will answer it. All right, and if neither of us can answer it, we'll look at Pastor Nathan and Andrew or something like that. Okay, how would you, and we haven't looked at these ahead of time, so we'll do our best. How would you counsel a husband or father who feels pressure or an unspoken expectation from their employer and coworkers to work more hours when this results in less physical, emotional, spiritual presence with his wife and children? That's you. When I do this, when I go like this, when I go. That's. Okay, so a lot of the men in our church work for Intel. Your mic's not on. Oh, there it is. Now it's on? Okay. A lot of the men in our church work for Intel or other high-tech organizations like that. And I want to tell you something. Intel will take every bit of your flesh that you give them, every bit. They will take it all. And so I always have to tell the guys, you need to set some boundaries because you also need to be with your family, your wife, your husband, your father, and you're a worker. You're all those things. But you can't just be a worker. So you just have to set some boundaries. That's all there is to it. And if they keep trying to get more out of you, at some point, you just have to say, look, I've got some other priorities that are important and trust God Reserve your job or get you another job. I don't know what else you can say other than that. But you have to have some boundaries. Otherwise, at least I know how Intel is. They'll take it all from you. So don't let that happen. And you know what happens when a guy gets too busy at work. So not such a good outcome. Good. Thank you, Rick. OK, next question. Question, how does a wife submit to the Lord and her husband at the same time if she thinks her husband is leading in a way that is not biblical? Even if he doesn't listen to your counsel, what about a constant unbiblical leading? Well, it's interesting, this woman, I'm assuming it's a woman who asked this, didn't make this question easy because she said her husband is unbiblical versus sinful. Now, if she wrote sinful, then that'd be easy, because we know a wife doesn't submit to her husband if it means a sinning, right? But she said unbiblical, so I don't know exactly if she means unbiblical as synonymous with sinful, but if your husband was asking you to do something that was sinful, you wouldn't submit, but if he was asking you to do something that's unbiblical, is that the same as sinful? If it's against the Bible, it'd be sinful. Yeah, okay, then I would say she wouldn't submit to her husband's sin. But I'll just say, and maybe the women can hopefully agree, most of the time when wives don't want to submit, it isn't because of a sin issue. It's because they're not getting to do something they want or something isn't going the way that they think is best. Go ahead, Jake. It does, and it does. There is wisdom, and I think a problem in the Christian life is confusing law and wisdom, right? Proverbs is wisdom, it's not law. Leviticus is law. So, we distinguish between them. There are wisdom issues in the Christian life. And so, in a wisdom issue, then a wife should defer to her husband, and then believe that God will not hold her responsible if he is incorrect. So, what do you think? Okay. That's good, thanks for that distinction there, yeah. How do you go about engaging with kids who are not believing, still the right, R-I-T-E method, or how does it change? Well, okay, so have you ever heard of the 4-14 window? If you look at people, okay, how many of you came to Christ somewhere between the ages of four and 14? Raise your hand. Okay, look at how many hands are up. So studies that have done show that most believers came to Christ between the ages of four and 14. Now thank God there are many of you even here who came to Christ later on in life. And that's great. But there's a certain factor going on where kids are just more open and they haven't hardened their hearts so much, and so they come to Christ. So if a kid is between the age of 4 and 14, you know, I just try to share the gospel with them, keep the gospel out there in front of them. When they get past, they start getting older. That's hard, you know? But you don't give up. You keep the relationship. You keep praying. I mean, it's the same thing, R-I-T-E, right? You might not be able to teach as much. They might not listen to your teaching. But you can still build a relationship, do a lot of things to build a relationship. You can still intercede for them. Even if they are long gone out of your house, you should be interceding, right? And you can keep setting an example. Because the fact of the matter is, Even if they don't see your example, your example does affect them. Now that may not sound right, but look at what the Bible says. Look at people like, how many times does it say God was merciful to a certain king because of David? And David might have lived 100 years before him, but he still, God still blesses someone who has a godly relative, you know, ancestor. So I was just reading through Numbers recently and the Bible says there that God blessed Caleb's ancestor, or not ancestors, descendants because of Caleb's faithfulness to God. And so your faithfulness will set a good example, but even if they don't see the example, it still can be a blessing to them. And so I would say just continue on. Share the gospel with them if you can, and especially when they're young, you wanna do that. Don't push it, because a lot of parents push, push, push on the gospel, and then they'll make some kind of decision that's not real, and then you got another kind of problem. Then they think they're believers, and they're not really experiencing to have the Holy Spirit. And so they'll come up and say, well, it didn't work for me. and then they'll turn away from the Lord. So you don't wanna push it, but you do wanna keep the gospel in front of them. I don't know if I'm exactly answering that question. Does that sound like I am? Okay, thanks. I can just talk, but no, I don't wanna do that, so go ahead. Question, how do we invest in our wives practically? So, one of the other messages I deliver at marriage conferences is on 1 Peter 3, 7, which says that husbands are to dwell with their wives in an understanding way or develop knowledge or understanding of their wives and live with them according to that knowledge. And so, you know what? not being a woman myself, I've come to this belief from conversations with women that one of the most important things for women, and it's not surprising this is the case because if God's word commands husbands to learn and understand our wives or develop knowledge of our wives, what do wives really enjoy or appreciate? Husbands that know their wives or get to know their wives and know as much about their wife as they know about almost anything else, right? How hurtful is it to a woman when she believes her husband knows more about what? his favorite sports team or athlete or movies, lines in movies or something like that. And so women really want to be known. They really want to be understood. And so that's why, and I'm being pretty serious when I say this. I hope I've never done this from behind the pole, but I don't think we should joke, make worldly jokes. And here's what I mean. I said worldly jokes because we like joking, Chuck. And everyone in this room who didn't know you before today knows you like joking. So if the world, if the Bible says to learn and understand your wife, what is the world going to say? You can't understand women. If the Bible says respect your husband, then the world is going to say, And how does the world always present men? As being bumbling, foolish, inept, incompetent. A woman must do it. She can't trust her husband. She has to take things in her own hands. So there's jokes about women and how impossible they are to understand. And I'm not really very confident we should go along with those jokes, because I think there's kind of an agenda to them to make women look incredibly confusing. Why even bother trying to understand them, when actually that's one of the primary commands for husbands to understand our wives. And I don't think we should make jokes that make men look foolish or bumbling. And so one of the ways to practically invest in our wives is to, so Katie told me this one time. So I think it's nice to kind of have this conversation with people that know us very well. Katie has lots of ideas. She said one of her life verses is in Ecclesiastes where it says the end of a matter is better than it's a beginning, which is to say it's better to finish things than start new things. So she has lots of ideas and she has told me, she told me one time, and it was kind of sad that she had to tell me this. It's a reflection of my insensitivity, to be honest. Because I might have made a joke. I don't remember the context. Maybe I made a joke about her having an idea, and her ideas don't happen, and she has so many of them or something. But she said to me, she said, you know, and she said it very nicely to me. It did convict me. She said, even if you don't think one of my ideas is ever going to happen, it would really mean a lot to me if you just listened to me. And so over the years, I've recognized it's very important to Katie to listen to her and to let her share. And I see her kind of light up. And she's bubbling a bit when she can share about her ideas and thoughts for our kids and our families and things like that. So I think investing in our wives is listening to them, asking them questions, being interested in them. Uh-oh, here we go. Johnny? I have a question about what you said right before that, with how the world makes it sound like women are complicated. I feel like they sort of are. OK. Well, first, I thought you were going to say. Do you understand them better as you get older? Rick? No, no, no. That's you. That's a marriage one. That's a marriage one. That's you. OK. Andrew? I was going to say, we don't have to understand women. We just have to want to be. That's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah. That is a good point. Yeah. Yeah, there was a bit of a chuckle by someone, but I don't think Andrew was joking. I think he's serious, and I think there's real beauty in our wives, and as we pursue them, Katie's, and I mean this, and I don't even know if she's here, but she's become more beautiful the longer we've been married. She's become more beautiful to me the longer we've been married, and the more you get to know your wife, I think the more beauty becomes apparent, and so that's one way to invest in our wives, I think. What do you yes, no go ahead Yeah, yeah, yeah find out how your wife and find out how she wants to invest in, that's good. Thanks for sharing that, I think that's good. Kind of like the idea of finding out what allows your husband to feel respected, find out how your wife feels invested in. By the way, women don't understand men's thinking either, right? I'm really glad they don't understand how we think. Aren't you guys glad? That was good, Rick. Okay, what do we pray for in our wives? Is it appropriate to pray for more submission? Hmm. I think it depends on the load in our wives' life. So with 10 children, much of my prayer has been for endurance for Katie and joy and patience with all she has going on, and I suspect that it'll be a different prayer later in life. So Katie messages women in the church, tries to invest in women the best she can. I think she's nursing and she's texting or messaging women to check in with them. When our children are older, my suspicion is my wife's ministry will change and she'll be more invested personally or one-on-one with them and then maybe my prayer will be that God gives her wisdom to minister well to the women in her life and so I think it really depends on we pray for our wives based on what's going on in their lives and what they're going through. I know there's been difficult things in ministry over the years and then those prayers look different based on the trials we were experiencing. To pray for our wives to be more submissive, I actually think that'd be a great thing. The alternative would be to maybe rebuke your wife or criticize her or tell her she's so rebellious or insubmissive and that's probably not gonna make her wanna be more submissive. So praying for her to be more submissive would be a good way to handle that privately and then let God work in her heart versus trying to get your wife to be more submissive through criticism. I think prayer, too, is good. I think that's a good prayer. But men, don't make that verse, wives submit to your husbands, your favorite verse in the Bible. Because if you do, you got a problem, I'll tell you right now. Yeah, well said, Rick. Yeah, I think, I don't mean you could say, but I don't think that's something that comes up. We don't say, or I don't say, you know, you submit to me, or you better submit to me, or something. That's not a, right? Yeah. Yeah. Okay, this is for you, Rick. If a dad believes it's okay to discipline out of anger, and because it shows God's wrath towards sin, what would you say to him? Okay, that's a good question. I really appreciate that, because I have to correct something a little bit. Anger itself is not a sin, okay? The one who's the most angry in the Bible of all the characters in the Bible is God. More often than anybody else, it talks about God's anger. But God's anger is different from our normal anger, okay? Now, we can be angry in the right way. Anger is actually a gift. If you look out your window and you see a little girl being beat up by a gang, You better be angry. You better be angry. Because anger is given to us as an emotion so that we won't be apathetic. So we won't just sit by and be passive. So we'll do something. So we'll enforce justice. So anger is actually a good thing. But 95% of the time, we mess it up. And we make it a bad thing by being angry either at the wrong kinds of things or in the wrong way. Read the question one more time. If a dad believes it's okay to discipline out of anger because it shows God's wrath or God's anger towards sin, what would you say to him? Right, so is it a godly anger or an ungodly anger? Usually it's an ungodly anger. For me, it was an ungodly anger. I would just get mad. And it wasn't so much, I mean, it's kind of hard to answer that question because some of the anger is because they did what was not right in God's eyes. And so there's a reason for anger, but if I express it in a way that's not biblical or not the way God would express it, God's anger, you know, theologians would just describe God's anger as a settled opposition to evil. That's God's anger. He has a settled opposition. He doesn't go and fly off the handle, okay? Like I would tend to do. That's the kind of anger that's totally wrong. And it needs to be, you need to ask your kids forgiveness if you discipline in that way. But to have a settled opposition to evil, and you realize your child has done something wrong, and that's not right, it's not glorifying to God, and it's actually harmful to the child. That kind of anger is fine, but watch how you express it, okay? Watch how you express that anger. That's just so important. Okay, and a follow-up. When does man's anger become sinful? When does man's anger become sinful? Yeah, so if it's angry for the wrong reasons, I didn't get the last piece of pizza, that would be wrong, okay? It's selfish. If it's selfish anger, that's sinful. If it's anger that continues, that could be wrong too, because it says in Ephesians, don't let the sun go down on your anger. Continue in anger. You need to work it through, work it out. How else could anger be seen? If it's uncontrolled. If it's uncontrolled, yeah. If it's expressed wrongly, as I just was saying. Sorry? Yeah, if it's wrongly motivated out of pride or selfishness, then it's clearly wrong. God's anger is at sin and injustice. And ours should be too, but we have to express it in the right way. And you have to think, I like what Scott's doing where he's saying, Pastor Scott's saying, not just what you do, but how does your wife feel about this? How do your children feel about the way you're disciplining them? You may think you're doing an anger, how do they feel? Do they feel rejected because of it? You have to be careful about their thoughts and their feelings too. Thank you. And the third part, what should a wife do agree with her husband on this? What should a wife do if she doesn't agree with her husband on this? That's probably more on your court. No, I think it's yours. OK. I talked a lot about marriage today. I think it'd actually be good to hear some of your wisdom on marriage. Well, first of all, I want to say that I hope you were listening carefully to what Pastor Scott said, because he had some really, really good insights there, really good. I took a lot of notes. So if a wife doesn't agree, then she needs to take her husband aside privately, like you said, and talk to him about it and share. But in the end, what else can she do? I mean, she can't, I don't know, what else would you do? Well, if a wife thought her husband was perhaps abusive, whether emotionally or mentally to children, because we're talking about anger here, right? We're not talking about laziness. Laziness doesn't manifest abuse, but anger can. I would, and I've gotten questions like this, what should I do when my husband does or behaves or acts this way? My encouragement is to go to one of the elders wives and to get some, to get their, not just their counsel, but for them to get their husbands to address her husband. Absolutely. Cause the husband's under the leadership of the church, as you pointed out. So that's right. You can appeal to the elders of the church. That's a good idea. But if a woman's not plugged into a local church, she's losing an incredible resource she has available to minister to her husband. When angry about an issue, but we need to discipline kids, how do we not discipline in anger? I feel like that's kind of similar. Do you feel like it's similar? Or how do you not discipline in anger? Well, like I said, I like to use timeouts that way to have the child go to the room get time for me to settle down and pray and say, Lord, what would be the best discipline in this situation? And I find that to be helpful for me. Okay. What is a good verse to memorize in the moment when you're about to say something to your spouse you shouldn't? Is it Proverbs 15 one that it says the soft answer turns away wrath? Yeah, that's a very convicting, very convicting verse. So right in the middle of a fight and you're going at each other and you're both in the flesh and there's lots of cruel words instead of soft, gentle words that usually just stirs up the other person. But for one person to respond gently and kindly with the soft answer, soft response can turn away wrath. So I think that's a really good verse. Do you have another one that comes to mind? No, but I like that strategy. When Jesus was tempted, what did he do? He had a verse just like that, right? Deuteronomy 8, three times, right away. He replies to Satan with the Bible verse. So it's good to have and then to use it. I like James. One, let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. That's a real good one. For Rick, what is your thought on other people disciplining your children, such as babysitters or family members? I don't know how to answer that, to be honest with you. It depends on the kind of discipline we're talking about. As far as spanking goes, I would reserve that for Diane and me. As far as other kinds of discipline, I would like to set out in advance with the babysitter what kind of discipline that they could do or not do, okay? Just draw the lines. Most of the time I would just say, report to me. Let us know exactly what happened. And don't worry about trying to be popular with the kids. Just tell us what happened, if they do something wrong, and we will take care of it. So usually we can take care of it. That's my sense. But I don't see anything in the Bible that says it has to be that way. But if I understand, if I summarize your answer, are you basically saying your encouragement would be that those other individuals would relate to you so that you could then perform the discipline? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Now, in our family of our children, one of our children has told us we have freedom to discipline his children however we want. But there's another one of our children who says, you know, we wanna do the disciplining. And so in that case, it's just me listening to the children, because they're the ones that are the parents of those kids. But if it's just for me, yes, I think what you just said, I would tend to say, let us know what it is and we'll take care of it. Okay. I understand gentle parenting is not right, but what about Romans 2, 4, God's loving kindness leads us to repentance? And I'm glad they didn't ask me that question. God's loving kindness leads us to repentance. Does that mean that other things don't lead us to repentance? You have to be careful. That could be a logical fallacy. What led the prodigal son to repentance? It was probably because he was down in the pig pen, and then there was a famine on top of that. So God's discipline led him to repentance. So there's not just one thing that leads to repentance. Certainly, if you have a good relationship with the child, that loving kindness will help them to be able to come to you and repent, but also discipline will lead them to repentance too. So there's various things like that. So that's fascinating, and I'm not disagreeing with you. It's just another thing I see in that parable. I actually thought you were mentioning the prodigal son because that's a good example of the father's kindness leading to repentance because the son, while in the pit, said how good his father is and don't his servants, and he talks about his father's kindness, and it was actually the father's kindness that seemed to lead him to repentance. So it's probably not either or, just. It'd be both, wouldn't it? Yeah, but the difficult circumstances were when nobody gave him any food, you get the impression if anyone would have given him anything, he wouldn't have come to repentance. It made it easier for him to repent because he had a relationship with the Father, okay? Just like you said, you can make it easier for your wife to submit. You can make it easier for your husband to leave. How do you encourage adult children who know the truth but are not walking with the Lord? Is that for me? I don't have any adult children yet. I mean, Johnny thinks he's an adult, but it's not. The most important thing is prayer, humbling yourself before God, getting on your face before God, and begging God to work in the life of your adult child. A lot of times, there's not a lot you can do. The R-I-T-E, you can keep trying to relate, and you should do that. Tea, teaching, you probably can't do any of that. Example, like I said, you can still do that. And as I said, your righteousness in life will be a blessing even if the child doesn't see, or the adult child doesn't see your example. But intercession is absolutely key. And again, I'll just quote 2 Corinthians 10, where Paul says, the weapons we fight with are not the weapons of this world, but they have divine power to demolish strongholds. Our struggle is not against flesh and blood, right? But against the rulers, authorities, the powers of this dark world. So we've got to be in prayer. And sometimes it's just praying and waiting, praying and waiting for God to do something in their lives. Sometimes that's all you can do. Thank you, Rick. Okay, in large families where kids are in the home sometimes past the age of 18 to 20 plus, how do you deal with subtle or outright disobedience or rebellion? Or if I understand, how do you deal with subtle or outright disobedience of children in the home who are adults? And it's your turn to get a question now. First, I don't have a child that's 18 to 20. And you're the parenting guy today, Rick. Not an expert, I'll tell you that. Did you have some children in the home at that age that were unmarried? Did we? They were in college. They were in college, mostly. Well, there was one time. when our one child was being a prodigal, he was at home. Oh, so that's exactly right. So we would say this, in our house, there are certain standards, certain rules, and if you're gonna be here, you have to follow them. Now, they're not extensive to someone that age, but there are some, okay? And so that's, I would make some standards, and as long as they follow that, that's fine, they can be at the home. If they violate those standards, then they can't be at the home. Is that what it's asking me? How do you deal with subtle or outright disobedience or rebellion in children of that? If it's outright disobedience, then I have to talk to them and say, you know, it's not working for you to be in the home. you're causing some real problems. You're disobeying God and causing problems for maybe for Diane or for me or whatever. And so you can't be at home. If it's subtle, again, you can talk to them. You can pray for them. And at some point, you might have to say, I'm sorry if it's not working out. because we have these standards in our house. And that's for anyone. We had a lot of international students stay at our house over the years. And we put out a list of rules to them before they came and said, these are the way it is in our home. As long as you follow these, everything's fine. And they weren't extensive, but they were clear. Nothing illegal, nothing immoral, da da da da da, different things like that. So you just have to set some standards. It's your home, so you can do that. You're not saying that your standards are better than somebody else's, but it's your home and these are your standards. And they need to live by them if they're gonna stay at your house, in my opinion. Okay, thanks Greg. Did Joshua make the same mistake that Josiah made in not properly disciplining a protege? Did Joshua make the same mistake that Josiah made in not properly disciplining a protege? I'm not sure I understand. Is that from you, John? Yeah, I meant discipling. OK. OK. Oh, it does say discipling. I'm sorry, John. OK. I'm a pretty good guesser, aren't I? I knew I was pretty good. How did you know that was John's question? I just felt it in the air. No. Wow. No, because John's a cool guy. I like him. I talked to him. So here's the deal. Josiah made a huge mistake. Well, you told Judah, I'm gonna punish you now. I've put up with you guys long enough. You've been disobedient over and over again, and now you're gonna be punished. And then Josiah comes along as king, and he's righteous. And God says, I'm not gonna do it now because Josiah's a righteous man. I'll wait till afterwards. Josiah had three or four sons. Now, if you were Josiah, And God said, I'm gonna put off the punishment until you die because you're righteous. What would be your first, number one, greatest desire and motivation and goal? To get one of the sons to be righteous. So God would continue to put off his judgment. But three of Josiah's sons, it says they were evil men. And his grandson, Jehoiachin, he was also an evil man. So God brought judgment. You know, I want to say Josiah failed. That's probably not fair to say, because just because his sons didn't turn out godly doesn't mean he failed. He may have been doing everything he could, but if you read the text, I get the sense that he really worked hard at building up the nation, and he may have ignored the most important thing he could have done. Now, Joshua, I don't know that he, it doesn't, I don't know that there's details about whether he tried to have someone after him that would follow in his footsteps. He says at the end of Joshua, you know, choose you this day whom you serve, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. So he's certainly standing up before the nation and challenging them to serve the Lord, but whether he actually mentored someone, the Bible doesn't say. But here's something interesting. I was reading that Peter and Paul, the two probably greatest men in the beginning of the church, both died about the same time, about 67 A.D. under Nero. And when I first read that, I thought, what a blow to the church. The two greatest apostles, and they both died, and that would have been a great blow to the church. And then, as I kept thinking about it, I realized, wait a second, what has Paul been doing all his life? He's mentoring Timothy. He's mentoring Titus. He's mentoring Luke. He mentored Mark. Mark came back to him and he mentored Mark. He mentored Priscilla and Aquila. And I counted up the number of people that he mentored. It was 40 people or more in the New Testament. So when he is in heaven, whole new generation rising up to take over. So mentor, that's what you need to do, John. Mentor. And be a mentor. I had a mentor until just a couple years ago. He passed away at 92 years old. Here I am in my 70s and I still had a mentor. I think it's helpful to have someone who's a little bit ahead of you and can help you grow spiritually. Get a mentor. Okay, Abigail. Did she take leadership away from her husband? Boy, Abigail's a super tough situation, isn't it? There's this woman that looks like she was disrespectful to her husband and went behind her husband's back to do something good. It seemed safe for her husband, but then he ended up getting killed by God anyway. And so she calls her husband a fool and slanders him. And so I've seen people come down on both sides of this. I'm generally of the persuasion that I don't think that what Abigail did was best, even if she was trying to preserve her husband's life. And it doesn't seem like it was God's will for Nabal's life to be preserved since God ended up killing him. But if she was wrong and we examine motive and situations, I think her motive was good. And I think that she probably even slandered her husband to save his life, right? So that's kind of my thought. We don't, we can't, just one second, I guess we'll just say, you know, we get these descriptive accounts and we can't make them all prescriptive. We don't always know in narratives what's the clear application. You use narratives to support imperatives. What I mean is if you have an imperative in the New Testament, or a command, an imperative is a command, you have imperatives supported by narratives. You don't build your theology with narratives. You don't take narratives and make a theology from that. You have imperatives and narratives support the theology. And so I wouldn't make a big theological case from Abigail. I would make a big theological case with the imperatives that we have, and that's for any theology. Jake, go ahead. And David expressed that she prevented him or saved him from doing something that he believed would have really ruined his reputation, slaughtering an innocent man. But although maybe David would have stopped at some other point and come to his senses about what he was gonna do. Do you have any thoughts on that, Rick, since I don't have a clear, okay. Your question, buddy. Oh. Pastor Scott and Pastor Rick. It's gonna roll through. You're first on that one. Okay. Can you suggest specific things a wife might say or do to help her husband feel respected? My husband will not tell me anything when I ask him. Well, I can just tell you what Katie's done. Katie is generally pretty complimentary toward me, and I'll give you one example. We were in, I'm not handy, I told you that earlier, right? You know, stapling my hand. And so we had a gate behind our house that was falling over, and I went to fix it. Now, for most men to fix this gate would be insignificant. To me, it was one of the biggest accomplishments of my life. So I Finished I fixed this case that opens and closes nicely didn't didn't put any nails through my hands or anything like that and I went in the house after this and I just told Katie not thinking too much about it. I Fixed that gate behind the house. I was messed up. And so she said I She said, wow, you did, that's great. Let's go out and take a look at it. And so she comes out with me, and we're standing there looking at the gate. And she kind of puts her arm around me. She goes, wow, honey, this looks really great. You did a great job with that. And I kind of went, yeah, well. Yeah, I guess it does look pretty good, doesn't it? That's kind of what I was thinking. I didn't really do that. But the point is, I still remember that because I felt respected. She encouraged me. She could have said, well, what took you so long? Or when are you going to fix the other things around here? How many other husbands would have fixed that and many other things? So I don't think it's really hard to. make a husband feel respected. It's usually encouraging, complimenting, looking for his strengths, finding things to applaud. And this is the truth, and I mean this sincerely. Ladies, your husband will have no trouble living up to or down to the bar you set for him. If you praise your husband, you will encourage him to be a godly man. If you criticize him, you will turn him into a little boy. You will never be able to scrutinize your husband into being more mature. And Katie, she does, she thinks too much of me, and I mean this sincerely, it can almost make me emotional. Katie thinks I am a better husband and father than I am. But when she sends me messages or tells me that she respects me or tells me what a good father or husband I am, which I know I'm not, I want to rise up to be the husband that she's describing. But you can't belittle your husband into being a better husband or father to your children. But when you praise your husband, he will strive to be the husband that you're describing in your messages to him. That's kind of my answer, I don't think it's really, men are pretty simple. Compliment us, encourage us, say nice things to us, don't talk down to us, don't wave your finger in our face, don't talk to us like we're little boys, don't treat us like Michael treated David coming out and chastising him like he's a little kid in trouble. Those are the kinds of things that make husbands feel disrespected. What's, oh yeah, sorry brother, go ahead. Oh, no, that was a marriage question for sure. No, it had your name on it. I know. I agree with what you said. I don't know any other way to make him feel respected. I think what you said was perfect. Really. OK. For counseling singles, how do you reconcile God saying, oh, this is good, it's not good for a man to be alone, and Paul encouraging singleness, primarily in first Corinthians. I don't know about Paul encouraging singleness outside of first Corinthians, that's the only place, right? And I get it, it's not good for a man to be alone, yet in first, and I think one of my kids just asked me this the other day. So context is important, it's one of the primary rules for hermeneutics, and Paul was talking to people who are persecuted, he even talked about singleness, or the absence of children because of the persecution they were experiencing. But the normal beneficial pattern for most people is marriage and children, unless there's some unforeseen or extenuating circumstance that would prevent that. But generally, marriage has a very sanctifying and beneficial effect on husband. Most husbands are going to mature through marriage. Okay, if my son Johnny has a question, you need to answer it. I can't handle it anymore, okay? Go ahead, Johnny. they're like in mid-30s and they're not married, and they are in their parents' house, what would you say about them? How long would you let them stay in that house? With using the Bible verse about See, Johnny's thinking, okay, by the time I'm 30-something, I'll have any room I want. Most of the other kids will be gone. I'll have a lot of the house to myself. This is looking very attractive. Yeah, well, first, I wouldn't let my child use 1 Corinthians 7 to defend singleness because that's not what's in view there unless we get suddenly very persecuted, right? We'd have to be a very persecuted group to use 1 Corinthians 7 in that context. And I mean, he goes on to say if you, if you have desires physically for someone of the opposite sex to get married. So I'd have to have a child that believed God called him to singleness, and they didn't have a desire for someone of the opposite sex, and So, so far I'm not aware of any of my children being in that category, and so I would just say that 1 Corinthians 7 doesn't apply to you. You're taking it out of context. It's not good for a man to be alone. Johnny, you're too old to be in the house. Get married. I'm a pastor. Let's get this taken care of. I'll perform the wedding, and this will be a done deal, right? Well, wait a second. I have a little different perspective. Okay, great, brother. So I think it all depends on the motive of the child. Do they really want to be single to serve the Lord? or do they want to just live off their parents? Have you ever heard the expression, I think it's hikikomori, is that right, Diane? It's a Japanese word that is so common now in Japan that older guys are living with their parents, living off their parents. Like they're 35, 40, 45 years old, and they're just at home playing video games in their room. And that's so common that they have a saying or expression, I think it's hikikomori or something like that. Obviously, you kick them out in that case. That's just irresponsible. But if they really have a desire to serve God as a single, I honor that. And I would support that, as long as they're not just being lazy. And the fact of the matter is, there are, now this is gonna be more controversial, okay? There are a number of people who have homosexual desires. What do we do with them? So we can say, you know, you repent, and you trust God to change your desires, and then you get married. And that would be the ideal. But it doesn't always happen that way. And I think that, I mean, they obviously have to say no to those desires. They are wrong desires. They have to say no to it. But I think it's possible that God wants them to focus on serving him and not worrying about marriage. Obviously, you can't marry someone of your own gender. That's sinful. But some people are not gonna have a desire to marry someone of the opposite gender. And I don't know all that goes into making people the way they are, but we know there's a lot of people in our culture today that they're in that situation. And I would just encourage them to serve God. I would encourage them to keep asking God to change their desires. But if he doesn't, then they just need to serve God and don't worry about getting married. That's what I would say. Thank you, Rick. And I kind of, I just realized I was kind of unguarded because I'm talking to my son. I'm kind of joking. But understanding people are listening to me, they could extrapolate from that. Like I sound like I kick one of my kids out when they get older, one of my sons. And the truth, Johnny, is I really desire my kids to stay at our home with us, unless there's a good reason for them to move out. I mean, until they're married, I'd love to see all of you stay at home, and I believe I've expressed that. And unless there's a circumstance like Rick described, you know, we picture that kid in the basement playing video games into their 30s, and so I wouldn't. Anticipate that for for any of you but I don't want to give the impression like I think there's something dishonorable about staying home at a young age or as you get older because I actually think there's something very Honorable about staying and why is associated with staying home as you get older you can save money you might be a help and blessing to your parents and often not always but many times I think when Kids have gotten older and moved out besides just to be married it might be because they don't like authority or there might be some negative reason so I think it's very commendable when I've seen people get older and even be in their 20s or perhaps even older while still staying at home with their parents. So, sorry I gave the impression I'd like kind of kick you out when you're 30 or something. What do you think? Sleepovers. Did you guys do sleepovers? Sleepovers. Well, yeah, we did some, depending on the family. As you know, that even in a church where people are pretty much in agreement, they are not always in agreement with certain things they allow in their home. And so we were pretty careful about that. Do you remember better than I? We led a few sleepovers, but probably not very many, did we? What I remember is when they would come home We put an end to that after a while. We probably did. I don't remember real well. The other thing is we had our kids call us if there was going to be a movie shown. Because we wanted them to check with us, make sure it's something we wanted them to watch. So I remember that. Because again, parents, different families have different standards. And we have pretty strict standards for our kids. So that was really important that whatever they were doing after the sleepover, they would contact us first. So we were always there for all of them. Well said, Diana. So we don't do sleepovers. So what my son did was he spoke right past me to you. Hey, Pastor Rick, I'm just curious, for when I become a father, what do you think about sleepovers? I just want to learn from you, Pastor Rick. And I think your parents should allow you to go to a sleepover. How do you like that? I won't be invited back here again. Okay. When the Bible mentions the rod about discipline, I have heard some arguments that the rod refers to a shepherd's staff. I do not agree with this interpretation, but what are your thoughts? Some proclaiming Christians that I know are convinced that this is the proper interpretation. I just disagree. I don't know what to say. I don't know if the word means particularly shepherd staff. You see rod probably has a wider range of meanings like almost any word does. So I suppose it could mean that, but that doesn't mean you don't use it still for discipline. Gil, I do have a question for you. We've talked about this. Because it says a rod, did you always use something or did you use your hand? Do you think because it says rod, we shouldn't use our hand? Okay, so that, yeah, some people take that very literally and they say, you know, if you use your hand, then your child will associate pain with you and it will hurt your relationship. That might be true, I don't know that. But the reason I used my hand was that I wanted to know how much it hurt. I didn't want to over-discipline. And with a rod, I don't really know what that does. I just felt uncomfortable with it, to be honest with you. But I'm not saying that I went to the Bible and I found exactly what I should do. I just felt using my hand, I could control how strong it was. And I did not find any of the kids you know, looking at me and being afraid of me or something, because I had disciplined that way. So I don't know what to say. That's where I'm at. But I think each person has to come up with their own convictions about that. Because it's true that even the rod, some people say, well, that actually just means discipline, and it may not be spanking at all. Some people believe that, that's not what I see there, but there is some room to disagree on that, and that's where I think in a church, you're gonna have people that interpret certain things a little differently, and I accept that, but that's the interpretation I have for my family, and that's the way we did it. Thank you, Pastor. Okay, if a wife's submission should not be done with a bad attitude, should a husband's sacrifice or giving up also not be done with a bad attitude? Is it the sacrifice from the husband if it's done begrudgingly? Conversely, if submission is permissible when fearful and worried, is sacrifice from a husband still a godly sacrifice when fearful and worried? There's a lot to this. Okay, well first, Let me just say, you know, Katie will say to me, she'll say, I don't want you to be upset with me about this later. She wants me to have a good attitude. She doesn't want something to happen and then me be mad about it. So let's say we're talking about going somewhere or doing something, if it's a trip or dinner or whatever the case, she doesn't want me to do it and then be frustrated about it. And so, yeah, I think whether it's a wife submitting with a good attitude or a husband loving or cherishing or deferring with a good attitude. They're both important. I don't think any wife wants, no wife wants to go out to dinner with her husband when he's moaning and groaning and grabbing his coat and saying, oh great, how much money are we spending tonight? You know, that's, no wife's gonna be able to enjoy that. So I think the attitude with which we do most things in life is very, it's kind of like a church workday. If we were having a church workday, which I think are generally pretty enjoyable and there's some guy out here complaining about, why do we have so many church workdays? Why do I have to be, I'd say, hey brother, I know, you know, you can go home, right? That's what I'd say. It's like they got a bad attitude. Nobody wants to work around someone with a bad attitude like that. The second part, conversely, oh, is it true sacrifice from the husband if it's done begrudgingly? It's not always easy to give things up. And if a guy has given up, I'll use something extreme, the car that he has loved and worked on for countless nights, it's going to be hard for him to do that with a good attitude. And you might just need to be thankful that he gave up the car. I would not expect him to do jumping jacks because he's so excited about doing so. So even if he can manage to give it up, and he doesn't have the best attitude, or even if, similarly, if a wife had a shopping problem or something like that, or spends too much money, but she submits to your budget, and she isn't buying certain things, but she doesn't always have the best attitude, you might just need to appreciate the best you can, the sacrifice that's involved, and that they're still doing it, even if they aren't doing it as joyfully or with a smiley face that you would like. Conversely, if submission is permissible when fearful and worried, is sacrifice from a husband still a godly sacrifice when fearful and worried? I'm not sure I understand that. Do you know what they're asking? I don't know if the person who asked that wants to elaborate, not to call anyone out. I just don't know how else to handle it when I don't fully understand the question. Well, how would a husband love his wife in a fearful or worried way? What does that mean? What? He's scared of her? OK. OK, I'm not sure. It's, is any anger and discipline wrong or is there a righteous anger that we, I think we had a lot of questions that might have hopefully covered that. And if they didn't, if that wasn't answered, come see Pastor Rick also. How would you counsel parents who are worried about warning their children of potential sin encounters? as it may spark curiosity in the child to go seek the sin they are being warned of, particularly with sexual temptation. We've had this conversation about what age to introduce certain topics or what age should we have conversations with our kids? Yeah, that may be sexual things. What age should we educate them? That's just one example, so that's a good question. I doubt that there's any particular age. It's the maturity of the kid. And that's a judgment the parents have to make. I don't know how else to say it, because I don't think there's any line where, OK, when they get this age, you've got to tell them this or this or this. So I can't answer that. It's up to the parents to be discerning, to know their child, to have a good relationship with the child so you know where they're at, you know what they're struggling with, and to discern when the right time is. I don't know else. OK. All right. Thanks, Ron. Well, that's it for the questions. And so you guys. But I would say this, by the way. But God does warn us about all kinds of sins in the Bible, doesn't he? So the idea that by warning a child about a sin, you are tempting him to do it, that doesn't quite strike me right, OK? I understand that there is something in the sin nature that rebels against the law. So I understand that. But by and large, I don't see God in the Bible refraining from warning us about certain sins because it might cause us to do it or become fascinated with it. Do you know? Is there anything? Am I missing something here? I can't think of anything. So there certainly would be an age, like with the sexual stuff, when it would be best not to introduce it too early. But don't be like me. I waited too long. See? Because I'll guarantee you, virtually all your sons are going to be exposed at some point in their lives to some kind of pornography. It's going to happen. I agree with that. And so you really need, I mean, I've counseled a lot of guys on this area. And some of them are pretty young. They get it from their friends, and they get it from the phone, and they even get it without trying on the phone. You know, you get stuff coming in. I get stuff I can't believe the stuff I get. I haven't asked for it, you know, it just comes at me. Stuff that's, at least it would be considered pornography. you know, some years back, today maybe they don't consider it that, but still, you gotta get ahead of the curve here and really work with your guys especially, but girls too, and help them to understand God's standards and the reasons for God's standards too. Like when I'm counseling an engaged couple, I try to make it real clear to them, this is gonna be hard. Engagement's a hard thing. There's gonna be sexual temptations. And you need to set some standards. In fact, that's what Diane and I do when we do counseling with engaged couples. We tell them, we want you to set up some standards of what your physical relationship is gonna be during your engagement time. And you know, don't, you know, when you're, out on a date and things get passionate, don't try to set the standard then. That's not going to work. You set the standard, write it out, and then on your wedding night, burn it. That's what we tell them. All right. That's good. That's good. And in fact, that's what Diane and I did, didn't we? We burned our standards and then... I won't say anymore. That's enough. We'll just stop right there, brother. We're glad to know you did that, but that's enough detail. Just kidding. OK. Well, I think that's it. But I'll be around if there's any questions. Will you be around a bit, Pastor Rick? Sure. Glad to be around. Oh, and if you want books or anything, I think maybe Katie will be over there, or Pastor Rick's books, make sure you secure those, and I'll be around, the two of us will be around if there's any more questions. We wanted to get you guys out of here at a good time, so thanks for a wonderful day. I really enjoyed this with all of you. Pastor Rick, thank you very much for coming. Oh, thank you, yeah. Great, thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Appreciate the way you're using your retired, I'm using the word retired loosely, years to continue serving and ministering. I don't tell people I'm retired, I say I'm redeployed. Redeployed, okay. I am redeployed. Well, you've been redeployed here a few times, we appreciate it. You wanna close us in prayer, brother? Sure, glad to. Father, thank you for this day. I've learned a lot today, this has been really good. And we thank you for the opportunity we have to share with each other what we're learning and to ask these questions Lord, you know that Pastor Scott and I feel very inadequate, but we're here depending on you. And we're thankful, Lord, for your guidance. We thank you for the scriptures. Thank you for the wisdom you show us in your word. And like it says in Psalm 119, 18, open my eyes that I may see wonderful things in your law. I pray that you will help us to see your word, the wisdom that's there, and how we can best use it in our marriages and in our parenting. In Jesus' name, amen. Amen. All right, God bless you guys. You're dismissed, thank you.