Let me go ahead and open us in prayer. Father, thank you for the wonderful time we've had so far today. Lord, I pray you bless this last message on marriage. And I don't know people's familiarity with wives submitting to their husbands. If they know the New Testament, then they've got to have some familiarity because it's such a repeated command. So I do pray that you Bless this time we have, Lord, and help the wives to grow in their submission to their husbands, and help the husbands, myself included, to grow in terms of making submission easier for our wives. Look over this time to seize me as your vessel to preach to your people, and I pray this in Christ's name, amen. Many men. So probably four years ago, maybe, Way FM did a marriage conference. And they did two years in a row. And they had asked me to be one of the keynote speakers for that. So we had this planning meeting down in Vancouver. And they brought the three speakers for it. I went around the room talking about what the theme was and what our messages were going to be about. And so I just happened to be in this line of speakers, the third one. And so the first speaker says that he's going to speak on husbands loving their wives. And then the second speaker says, well, I'll talk about communication in marriage or conflict resolution. I can't remember which it was. And so I thought to myself, well, there's been a message for husbands, so I'll go ahead and provide a message for wives, right? And so I said, I'll preach on wives submitting to their husbands. And guess what happened in that room at that moment? It's like it goes, the whole room goes silent. You know, everyone's heads go down and everyone's like super uncomfortable. And they don't even want to look at me, and it's kind of like this. And it's like, we clearly shouldn't have invited this guy for this conference, and this is a mistake. And so finally, this one guy speaks up, and he says, well, you know, I don't really like to use the word submit. I like to say defer. And I was like, well, the Bible likes to use the word submit. God says submit not that there's not a place for deference and so I and so just to tell you how this went I did say okay, I can tell their sensitivity to this and maybe this is a little You know concern about a message about why submitting but if you'll give me the opportunity I believe I'll do it my best to handle this delicately and so when they gave all the feedback for the conference it The feedback for the message was really good, and I don't think it was really good because I'm a gifted speaker or something. I think it was really good because in most people's minds, there's this very nagging thought that I repeatedly see the command for wives to submit to their husbands. I mean, it's five times in the New Testament. In fact, there's actually no discussion of wives without an accompanying command for them to submit to their husbands. Do you know that? You can't see wives discussed in the New Testament without, that's how inextricably linked that role is to that command. And so people who love the Lord and love the word are, I think, frustrated when someone stands up and really softens what God's Word says, and conversely, I think people find it very refreshing when someone just stands up and says what God's Word says. I'm not saying harshly or dictatorially, but unapologetically, and just saying this is what God's Word says, and so we should embrace that. And so that'll be my my attempt with this message to approach this command sensitively but also biblically. And so let's begin with our first lesson. Lesson one, submission is necessary. So lesson one, submission is necessary. So think about the structure of teams, businesses, schools, really any organization. You have individuals and leadership. What do businesses have at the top? They have CEOs. Sports have what? Coaches, organizations have presidents, schools have? principles, but what don't you ever see? You don't see a sports team. You don't have two head coaches. You don't have two presidents, two principals, two head pilots, two head surgeons. Instead, it's always head coach and sports team. assistant coach, president, and pilot, and principal, and assistant principal, and it kind of goes on with all the examples. And so my point is, the unbelieving world recognizes the need for headship and submission. The unbelieving world recognizes that you can't have two heads. Listen to this verse, 1 Corinthians 11, 3, the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. So we're gonna talk about a wife's submission to her husband, but notice that with the exception of God the Father, nobody is without a head. Women have men as their head, men have Christ as our head, and even Christ himself, God the Son, has God the Father as his head. So with an understanding of the need for submission, let's briefly discuss what submission should and shouldn't look like. And this brings us to lesson two, submission is not, part one, done kicking and screaming. Submission should not be done kicking and screaming. So I'd say the way we submit is as important as submitting itself. The way we submit is as important as submitting itself, whether it's congregations to elders, employees to employers, children to parents, Christians to one another, wives to husbands, If we're kicking and screaming when we submit, that's not really submission, it's rebellion. So last night, Katie's here at the church, and so she's wanting me to put the kids to bed, change Shora's diaper. I was kind of, felt tired from working all day, and so there's obviously a good attitude I can have doing these things, or a bad attitude. And if Katie asks me to do something, and I do it with a bad attitude, that's not meaningful. And so the point is, when we do things, the attitude with which we do them is as important as doing them. A story I've shared, with my church different times is when I was a school teacher, I told my kids really early in the year that the way in which they did something was as important as the way they, as doing it. And so if I told a student to stop tipping in their chair and I'd even have kids give examples, you know, kids love to show you bad examples. And so if I say, hey, who can show me what it looks like to tip and bring your chair down the wrong way. And then you got 20 kids that don't want to slam their chair down, right? Or you tell your students, who can show me the wrong way to take your book out and put it on your desk, which is code for slamming it on your desk, right? Who can show me what it looks like if you have a bad attitude and you take your book out? And all they say is, oh, I'll show you, Mr. LaPierre, taking your book out. You know, like that. And so I would say, now, if you do something with a bad attitude, it's going to be just like you didn't do it, and you're going to be punished. So submission shouldn't be done kicking and screaming. I was in the military, and one of our commanders, I remember this because nobody got the question correct. He said, this is Lieutenant Colonel Brewer, and he said, what do you do with every order that you're given? And so he had all these cadets and all these different answers. One answer was to learn from it. Another answer was to do it well. Another answer was to do it as quickly as possible. And he didn't dismiss any of those answers, but it wasn't what he was looking for. And so he said, and I still remember it, he said, take every order and make it your own. And so what he meant by that was that we're to do things as though they're things that we want to do. And he used the example that you'll be asked as a second lieutenant to probably go clean a latrine or do things that are really unattractive. And when you go to your platoon and you deliver that order to them, you treat it as though it's what you want to do. So you say something like, hey, we have an opportunity to do this. Let's try to do this well. You just sell that to your platoon versus if you walk back to your platoon and kick the trash can over and tell them, I can't believe we got the train duty again. And how bad is this? Then you look like a rebellious soldier. Now, you could listen to this and you say, are you seriously using the military in a message about marriage? Well, believe it or not, I'm not the first one to do that. Paul is the one who did that. Because if you know the Greek word for submit, it is the same word or it means to arrange troop divisions in a military fashion under the command of a leader. And so Paul, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, did see a militaristic arrangement associated with, and it's actually kind of fitting because when you're in the military, a good platoon leader listens to his platoon sergeant, right? Like a good, even though the platoon leader's in charge, just like a good husband listens to his wife. The next thing to understand about submission is lesson two, submission is not part two of a matter of superiority. It's not a matter of superiority. So when people criticize submission, or over the years when I've heard people say they don't believe in submission, It almost always sounds like this. I don't believe in submission because I believe men and women are equal. Well, I believe men and women are equal too, but equal doesn't have to mean identical. And different roles and responsibilities does not equate to inequality. And so you'll hear, if wives were expected to submit to their husband, then that would mean they're inferior. And because women are not inferior, women are not expected to submit to their husband. But people don't apply this same logic to other areas of life. Let me give you some examples. When citizens submit to government, or employees submit to employers, or students submit to teachers, or children submit to parents, what do we not say about the individual submitting? We don't say that they're submitting because they're what? Inferior. We don't think citizens are inferior to the government. Employees to employers, or students to teachers, or children are not inferior to parents. So we shouldn't apply that same logic to marriage. But if you're a Christian, there's an even bigger reason to recognize that submission is not an issue of inferiority, and it's this. If I said, who's the most submissive person who's ever lived, what would you say? Yeah, Jesus, he's the picture of submission. That's like the Sunday school answer everyone's gonna say, right? Nobody's ever been more submissive than Jesus. John 6, 38, I've come down from heaven not to do my own will, but to do the will of him who sent me. That's just one example, but many times Jesus said something like this. It wouldn't be too much to say that every single thing Jesus did was done out of submission to his father. To be consistent, if people claim that submission makes people inferior, then they would also have to claim that Christ is the picture of inferiority, definitely inferiority toward God the Father. The truth is, though, that God the Son and God the Father are equal, and it's also true that few things are as much like Christ as submission is. A submissive heart is a heart like Christ. To submit is to be like Christ. Now if you want to talk about the opposite of submission, who comes to mind? Who, as much as Christ is the picture of submission, who's the picture of rebellion? Satan is. Isaiah 14, 13. He said, I will ascend into heaven. I will exalt my throne above the stars. I will also sit on the mount of the congregation on the farthest sides of the earth. I will ascend above the heights of the clouds. I will be like the most high. So the devil would not submit to God. He wasn't content with his position. He wanted the headship that God the Father had. And so I'd say just as much as Christ is the perfect picture of submission, Satan's the perfect picture of rebellion. Submitting when we should is to be like Christ, and rebelling is to be like Satan. Now let's discuss what submission means. And this brings us to lesson three, part one. It means a wife puts her husband in a position to lead. A wife puts her husband in a position to lead. So people who have attended WCC for very long know that I love wrestling. If I'm brushing my teeth at night or sitting down to watch something, it's often I'm watching wrestling matches. And I said wrestling is definitely the most biblical sport. It is God's sport. Amen, right Jake? Amen. It's the only sport we see God engaging in. He wrestled with Jacob, he wrestles with sinner's hearts. He's not playing football with sinner's hearts. He wasn't playing volleyball with Jacob. So wrestling's biblical. Okay, now with that, what's the biggest enemy of wrestling? It's basketball, I'll just tell you. It's basketball. Okay? What'd you say, Ed? True? That's enough, Ed. But even as someone who loves wrestling and can despise how basketball always pulled wrestlers away, I always knew there were great wrestlers I was losing to basketball. I have got to admit that basketball has something wonderful going for it. Does anyone know what that is? It's not fun to watch, Chuck. It's, you did, yeah, you did, you did. It's the movie Hoosiers. Okay? Okay, now that's something Chuck and I can agree on. Now, even if you love wrestling, you've got to love the movie Hoosiers. It is really an incredible movie. I've watched it with my family. It's almost enough to make me like football, at least for those two hours. Or basketball, I mean, yeah, excuse me. Okay, so here's what's going on in the movie Hoosiers Gene Hackman plays Norman Dale I'll just refer to him as Gene Hackman because that's how you probably know him. Nobody likes him. He's new he's disliked because he does things differently than the previous head coach and Dennis Hopper is shooter-flat, and he plays the town drunk because he missed this game-winning basketball decades earlier, and he can't move on from that. And so one of the things that Gene Hackman, the new head coach, does that upsets the townspeople even more is he takes Dennis Hopper, the town drunk, and makes him his new assistant coach, because Gene Hackman looks at Dennis Hopper and sees his potential. And he wants, I think, Dennis Hopper to see his potential as well. So Gene Hackman is in the middle of this game, and he decides that he wants to prove to Dennis Hopper, or Shooter, that he has value, and that he can lead, and that he can coach. But the problem is Gene Hackman recognizes that the one obstacle between Dennis Hopper reaching his potential or leading actually happens to be Gene Hackman. Because you can only have one leader at a time. You only have one head coach, we talked about that. And so in this pivotal game with this super crucial moment, Gene Hackman decides that he's going to get kicked out of the game. And so he starts throwing this fit, and the ref walks up to him and doesn't even understand what he's doing. And he says, hey, coach, you're going to need to calm down, or I'm going to have to throw you out of here. And so Gene Hackman whispers to the ref, and he says, well, you better throw me out of here, because if you don't, I'm going to make an even bigger fit. And the ref says, what? And he says, you heard me. You better throw me out of here. And so the ref says, OK, well, you'll get what you want. And so he throws him out. And because Gene Hackman's kind of despised, but kind of liked, because the team's starting to win, half the gym is cheering when he gets kicked out, and then half the gym is booing when he gets kicked out. When he's walking out of the gym, he stops at the bench and he has the playbook and he looks right at Dennis Hopper and he leans in and he tells him, you're in charge. And so then at that moment, the camera zooms in on Dennis Hopper's face and how does he look? He just looks terrified that he's in charge with this game on the line and even it shows all the players and all of their heads are like hanging down like this and That because they just don't think he's going to be able to pull it together But he does and he comes up with this play and they make the game-winning shot and so It's this really cool moment where he recognizes his potential because Gene Hackman had put him in this position to lead, and really the only way that Dennis Hopper could lead was if Gene Hackman had removed himself from the game. Now here's why I'm saying this. Ladies, many of you need to remove yourself from the game. You need to put your husband in charge. You need to stop leading or controlling things yourself. You need to make sure the weight of responsibility rests on his shoulders. Because I'll be honest with you, this is something I've seen. Some husbands don't lead because their wives don't let them. There are wives that say they want their husband to lead, but if you kind of use a driving analogy, they kind of want to still keep their hands on the steering wheel, right? Or if they're on the horse, they say they want to sit in the back of the saddle, but they want to reach around and hold on to the reins. And so other husbands don't lead because they don't want to try to compete with their wives. They don't think it's worth the conflict or the energy for them. They know the battle that it's going to end up being. Some wives say they want their husband to lead, and what do they really mean when they say that? They really mean, well, I want my husband to do what I want. I want my husband to lead the way I would to make the decisions that I would make. Now sometimes, I've seen this, you'll even have wives trying to control their husband while complaining that their husband won't lead. You'll have women that make all the decisions, they control the situations, and then they turn around and they say, oh, I have to do everything because I'm so tired of not being able to count on my husband. I remember one time I was in a counseling session, and then Katie was there, she just reminded me of it the other day, and there was this woman and she was so controlling that every question that was asked of her husband, she would answer it and basically tell him what to say. And so I would even ask him, like, let's say, do you feel respected? I don't remember exactly the questions I asked, but I would say to him, just as an example, do you feel respected? And she would speak up and she would say, you would say you feel respected, don't you? Until the point where I finally had to just... tell her, ma'am, you need to let your husband answer this. In fact, I'd like you to just not say anything and then she'd interrupt and finish the sentence if she didn't like it or talk him out of that. And so sometimes when women are real controlling like that, they'll say like, I have to do everything. I can't count on my husband. So picture this. Let's say there's a wife and she hands her husband the keys, and she says, I want you to drive. And she's so committed to making sure that her husband drives that she races around to the other side of the car, and then she sits in the passenger seat so that he can't even take it. Now, he starts driving, but then she says, turn here. Aren't you going to get over? Aren't you going too fast? Aren't you going too slow? Why are you going this way? Isn't this other way faster? Why did you choose this lane? Aren't you going to stop? Haven't you been stopped long enough? What's the classic one? It looks like we're getting pretty low on gas. You know, saying that seven or eight times. Ladies, and I mean this sincerely. Give me your attention for a moment. OK? I mean this, ladies. Let your husband run out of gas. I mean, this is how we learn. Enjoy a nice little date with your husband on the side of the road. If you keep giving your husband orders all the time, his life's going to be more like a driver's ed class, right? He'll never learn to lead that way. And so when your husband starts to lead, I'll tell you what not to do. Don't complain about all the decisions he makes. Don't get upset when he doesn't do things the way you would do them. Most importantly, resist the temptation to take over. So there are some husbands, and they never feel the weight of leadership on their shoulders because their wives don't let that weight rest there. There are just some women and they're so busy trying to lift that weight off and put it on their own shoulders. And so ladies, let me say this. If you want your husband to lead, you need to let him feel that weight of responsibility. You need to put yourself behind him and make him feel like he must lead because you won't. Now, if you do this, you're increasing the likelihood of many positive things happening in your husband's life. If he feels that responsibility to lead your home, he will become a man who's more likely to do what things? I'll give you a hint, Pastor Rick was talking about some of them. Pray, read the word, take his relationship with the Lord seriously, Possibly seek counsel from godly men or go talk to the elders in his church. Even cast vision because he knows that without vision, the people perish. And without, if you won't be in charge, then he knows he's the one who has to direct the family. But if your husband thinks it doesn't matter what he does because you're not gonna support him, you're gonna fight every decision he makes, then ladies, don't be surprised if your husband doesn't take his role seriously. Now I'll share an example from our lives. It's interesting sharing this here, normally I share it where people are not familiar with Woodland Christian Church, or maybe my situation coming here. So 2010, I was a full-time associate pastor at Grace Baptist in Lemoore, and the church was growing well, doing well. They had hired me part-time, and the church grew enough to bring me on full-time. But the church here was pretty small. And the previous pastor, Frankie, had left under, I think, some difficult circumstances, which hadn't left a lot of families, had left some core families. But Dave Zumstein had the integrity to call me. And if you know Dave, you'll know he's probably one of the few people that would do something like this. He called me to tell me that they only had the money to pay me for eight months if the church didn't grow. And after that, they would be out of money. And so I'm at this pretty healthy church in California, and I'm thinking of going to a church that's going to run out of money in eight months. So it was definitely a pretty nerve-wracking experience. But Katie wanted me to take the position here at WCC. There were things that she loved. And she believed I should be a preaching pastor. She knew that I was not a good youth pastor. And I was the associate pastor, but I'd previously been the youth pastor. So I'm still over the youth. And if you're going to be a good youth pastor, you've got to stay up all night and eat worms and play video games. That's just not my thing. So never been the silliest guy, so I know I wasn't a good youth pastor and I wanted to preach. So we were going back and forth about this. I'm not saying it was agonizing, but it was like, this is gonna change the trajectory for generations. Because we knew if we came here, our children will grow up here, their children will grow up here. Maybe my parents will follow me here. And so it seemed like a huge decision to come to Woodland. So we're talking about it, going back and forth about whether to come or not over these months. And then I remember vividly this one time we're sitting in the living room, Katie sitting on the couch across from me. And she said, the only way I can feel good about this decision is if you make it. I respect your leadership. I believe God will direct you. Whatever you decide, I will support you. Now, the moment she said that, guess how I felt. Yeah, that's crushing. That's crushing when a wife says that to her husband. It's crushing when you feel, and I mean crushing the weight of responsibility because you feel like your wife just put her life and your children's lives in your hands. And you're gonna make a decision that, it was actually a lot easier when Katie kept talking back and forth with me about it, right? But the moment you feel like your wife is behind you, is gonna support whatever decision you make, it is incredibly sobering. When a wife says, I'll support what you decide, a husband has no choice but to lead. But some men, they never know what that feels like, because their wife doesn't put them in that position. Now, here's a reasonable argument that some women might have. I have to do it, because if I don't, it won't get done. Now, I have a few responses to this. First, most women don't know that it won't get done because they've never actually put their husband in the situation to see whether it will get done or not. And the second thing I'd say is maybe it won't get done because this is not a guarantee that everything is going to work out perfectly just because you do what God's word says. If your husband's not used to leading, or leadership doesn't come easily for him, then it might be messy at first. Continuing the driving analogy, you might kind of be all over the road, right? It's like when you take your 15-year-old out to get their permit, and it's a little nerve-wracking at first, and as scared as you are watching your 15-year-old drive, I understand there's women that can feel pretty scared when they're watching their husband lead at first. Things probably won't get done, but I can tell you this, if he knows that you expect him to do it, then more than likely, he will step up. At some point, he'll figure out, she's not going to take over. I better get my act together. She won't do it, so I need to do it. And here's the other thing, ladies. Regardless of how a husband leads and whether he gets the job done, it's still his job. It is still his responsibility. It is still on his shoulders. Or here's another way to say it. You can look through the entire Bible repeatedly and you will never see a verse that tells a wife to take over for her husband when he doesn't do well. God has not called wives to lead when their husbands don't. Helen Andelin said, let your husband have full reign. Do not stand back with anxiety, wondering if things will turn out all right. If he makes mistakes, if he gets into difficulty, let him suffer the consequences. It is the only way that he will learn to lead. So we recognize that in any area of life, when people are given real leadership or responsibility, there must be the potential for what? Yeah, there must be the potential for failure. It's the only way that we learn, and it's the same in marriage. So here's my encouragement, ladies. Put your husband in the driver's seat, make him lead, but even if he's all over the road at first, or maybe for a lot of the trip, you're still telling yourself what about that seat? It belongs to him. That is not my position. I will let him drive. Now let's deal with the main argument I hear from women when they don't want to submit. I don't want to submit to my husband because I think he's making the wrong decision. Now essentially these wives are saying, I don't want to submit to my husband because I disagree with him. And this brings us to lesson three. Part two, submission means a wife supports her husband even though she disagrees with him. When a wife tells me that she doesn't want to submit to her husband because she disagrees with him, she's also telling me that she doesn't understand submission. Because submission is entirely in place for what moments? When you disagree. And I'll give you an example of my children. When I tell my children, go outside and play with the Motskas kids, does that involve submission? No, because that's what they want to do. When I tell my kids, go clean your room, or finish your jurisdictions, or go apologize to your brother, or go apologize to your mom, that requires submission because that's not something that they wanna do. If a wife agreed with her husband, she wouldn't have to submit. So when a wife says, I would submit to my husband if I agreed with him, what she's saying is I would submit to my husband if it didn't involve any submission. It's a nice situation when a husband and wife agree. And if a husband and wife always agreed, there would be no place for submission. God put it in place entirely for those moments when a husband and wife have talked at length and can't come to an agreement. And so I'll be the first, actually someone just, someone on a YouTube video of mine, it surprised me. I said that the three great resources husbands have are God's word, the Holy Spirit, and their wives. Well, this guy wrote on there and disagreed with me, and he said, you're putting women too high. And I wrote back, and I'm like, what would you put ahead of wives? What do you have that's a better resource than our wives? Genesis 2.18, everything's been good. Every day of creation, God saw that it was good, God saw that it was good, God saw that it was good six times, and then finally God, the fall hasn't even happened yet, and what does God see that's not good? Man being alone, so I'll make him a helper. And how do wise help? They help by offering counsel, suggestions, criticism, corrections, thoughts, counsel. So if a guy comes to me and there as a pastor, it's I think very sobering when someone asks you a question and you believe they might make a major life decision based on what you say. And so I try to take that seriously. I mean, if you're talking to me, I'm probably praying that God will give me wisdom to answer you well. But if a guy is talking to me, one of the first things I say is, what did your wife say? And if he hasn't asked his wife yet, then I encourage him to go home and talk to his wife because I believe that God wants to advise and counsel through our wives. And sometimes women kind of cringe at Genesis 2.18 being called their husband's helper. Ladies, you need to understand this. When God said it's not good for man to be alone, I will make him a helper. If anyone's, Inadequacy is being shown in that verse, it's the husband's. Because God looked down and he said, Jake Motskas needs help. He said, Adam Donald needs help. He says, Scott LaPierre needs help. He kind of said, Scott LaPierre is not going to make it, I better bring him a wife. And that's what the wife is, the helper, which is odd a woman would buck against that since it's the same title given to God in the Psalms, the Holy Spirit in John 16. So ladies, you should embrace that title. It's one of your sufficiency and strength. It is not a criticism of you. It's an observation about man's inadequacy or insufficiency without you, to be honest. Now with that, I hope it's understandable that I believe strongly husbands should listen to their wives, but imagine this situation. A husband and wife have talked at length. A husband has valued his wife's counsel and suggestions, but She still feels like they should do A, and he feels like they should do B. Now at this point, how does the relationship move forward? Some of you are like paper, rock, scissors. No, not paper, rock, scissors. Do you flip a coin? No, so God says the husband becomes the decision maker at that moment. And so ladies, you have to keep something important in mind. You're not held responsible with the right decision being made. If God held you responsible with the right decision being made, then guess what you would never do? You would never submit. Instead, you would continue arguing, or perhaps manipulating, or nagging, or coercing, or whatever would have to be done to ensure the decision that you believe is best is made. And so, experience some freedom or liberation, ladies, that God does not hold you responsible for the right decision. At that moment, he holds you responsible for what? Submitting to your husband and supporting the decision that he makes. Now let's talk about why godly women submit to their husbands. And it has nothing to do with her relationship with her husband. Go and turn to 1 Peter 3. It has everything to do with a wife's relationship with the Lord. And this brings us to lesson three, part three. Submission means a wife trusts God. Submission means a wife trusts God. So here's something else that I've heard. I have trouble submitting to my husband because I don't trust him. It would be easier for me to submit to my husband if I trusted him more. Or I've even heard this, well, I trust God, I just don't trust my husband. But according to God's word, a wife's submission to her husband is not a reflection of whether she trusts her husband. It's a reflection of whether she trusts the Lord. So let me say this clearly, wives, do or don't submit to their husbands, not because of their husbands, but because of their relationships with Christ. And just so you don't think that's my opinion, look at 1 Peter 3, 5. In this manner, in former times, the holy women who trusted in God, also adoring themselves, being submissive to their own husbands. So why were these holy women submissive to their husbands? Because they trusted their husbands? No, because they trusted God. A wife's submission is a reflection of how much she does or doesn't trust God. The next verse, verse six, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord, whose daughters you are if you do good and are not afraid with any terror. Now, Sarah is, I think Pastor was saying earlier about the examples that were given. And Sarah is set down as the example for church age wives. She's plucked up out of the New Testament and set down for women to follow. Well, I suspect ladies could look at this and they could say, well, yeah, I bet Sarah could submit to Abraham. I'd have no problem submitting if I was married to the father of faith, right? I could submit if my husband was Abraham. Ladies, I don't think Sarah was chosen for any reason other than she submitted to a difficult man. I think Sarah sat down as the example because of how difficult it was to submit to Abraham. What did their lives look like? That nomadic lifestyle, every time you get settled and then you got to move someplace else. What if you're married to a man and he says, I'm afraid for my life. I want you to go ahead and say you're my sister and put your life in danger. And he does that twice. Does that seem like an easy husband to submit to? So Sarah is set down as the example of her wives because of how difficult it was for her to submit to her husband. And notice the words, not afraid with any terror, not afraid with any terror. Now, in my mind, what are times you feel terror? Well, I'd say you feel terror if you're on a plane and the pilot says what over the speaker, you know? Prepare for impact. Or maybe you get a call in the middle of night that one of your children have been hurt. Or the doctor contacts you and says, we've got your test results. It's pretty serious. We need you to come in and sit down and talk to us. Those seem like terrifying situations. But get this. Apparently, terror is also what wives feel when they must submit to their husbands. Now, why would that be terrifying for wives? Because the wife is thinking what? Well, what if my husband makes the wrong decision? What if he ruins our family? I'm not kidding. What if we're not able to eat? What if we can't afford to pay the bills? What if we're not supposed to do this? What if we're not supposed to move here? What if that's not the church we're supposed to attend? What if we're not supposed to make this purchase? Should these tens of thousands of dollars be spent here? And so ladies, I hope this is an encouragement to you because it reveals that God understands you feeling this way. In other words, I think it would be easy for a wife to feel terrified and think that God doesn't understand that. But he writes here that he knows it is a terrifying situation when a wife must submit to her husband because she's afraid he'll make the wrong decision. But why does he call you to submit anyway? Because you trust not your husband, but because you trust the Lord. Now I'll ask you to think about something. Because submission is terrifying, when a wife submits, It's overcoming terror, it's overcoming fear. So what does this tell us about women who submit? If submission involves overcoming fear, what does it tell us about wives who submit? It tells us they're what? They're a lot of words you could have said, strong, brave, courageous. So ladies, give me your attention when I say this. You need to understand something. Submission is not a sign of weakness. It's a sign of strength. Submission is not a sign of faithlessness. It is a sign of faithfulness. Submission is not for weak, wimpy doormats, as the world would lead you to believe. Weak, wimpy doormats rebel. Weak, wimpy doormats do not have the strength to submit. Weak, wimpy doormats are too scared to submit. They do not know the Lord well enough to submit. Their faith is not strong enough for them to submit. They don't have the spiritual strength to submit. And this brings us to the next lesson. Lesson three, submission means part four, a wife keeps her strength under control. Submission is only for godly, faith-filled women. Submission is for godly faith-filled women. Okay. When I was growing up, I was born in upstate New York. That's where my parents grew up. And they moved out to California when I was one, and then my brother was born. So I don't remember anything except growing up in northern California. But there are a lot of stories about my dad working on his uncle's dairy farm. So the summer after eighth grade, I flew to upstate New York to work on that same dairy farm. And that's when I realized that I never want to work on a dairy farm. But it was super nostalgic, and if you ever get the chance to go places that your parents visited or thought highly of, that was the case for me, to be on this dairy farm and think, wow, my dad worked here when he was my age. Now I didn't know anyone there, I'd never been there before, and even my cousins, whether they were like second or third cousins, were more like uncles because they were much older than me. So I didn't know anyone, and I didn't have anything to do except work on this dairy farm, which is incredibly boring to me. So I had to, I knew no one at my own age, so I had to find things to do to entertain myself. And so, like any mature 13-year-old, I would mess with the bull that was chained up in the barn. Have I told you guys this before? Okay. So, we'd go in and milk the cows every day, and there was a bull that always stood like a statue at the end of this barn, and it never moved. And so, the game I came up with was called, try to get the bull to move. So, I would go and mess with this bull. And I guess one day when the bull was not enjoying my game as much as I was enjoying it, he brought his head up underneath me and he launched me into the air. And so to have an idea what it looks like if you've ever watched rodeos or bull riding when the cowboy gets thrown from the bull and the arms and legs are flailing and things like that, that's what it looked like as I came crashing back down to earth. I'm lucky, maybe God was protecting me at that time that I didn't break my neck, or my back, or something even worse. So my cousin, who's more like an uncle, probably 20 years older than me, or 30 or something, saw this happen from the other end of the barn, and I remember him running down at me, screaming and swearing at me about how foolish and stupid I had been, but probably using a lot different language than that. So, he said, do you see that little chain that's around that bull's neck? And there was this little chain around the bull's neck that was connected to this pipe in front of it. And he said, that's the only thing that's holding him there. And he could break that chain at any moment. Now, basically my cousin was telling me that that bull was not held there for any other reason than it allowed itself to be under the control of that chain. Now, at that moment, I thought two things. First, I thought, why don't they put a bigger chain around the bull's neck? And then the second thing I thought was, man, that is an incredible amount of strength that is being subdued by that little chain. And that's submission. Think of submission this way. It is strength that's being restrained or kept under control. It's a choice. It's voluntary. It's deliberate. If it's forced, it's not submission. And so ladies, I just want to appeal to you kind of on behalf of all of the husbands here. We know the strength you have. We know that you're strong women. We know that you could easily rebel against our leadership. You could say, we know that you could break the chain of leadership that we have, and I've even seen this happen with men. You can launch us into the air, right? Have you ever seen a husband who wants something for his family, and his wife essentially just blows him off and launches him into the air, because she's gonna do what she wants, and she doesn't care what he thinks or what he says. So metaphorically speaking, she's that bull that just says, I don't care what you say, I don't care what you think, I will just launch you into the air with the strength that I have, and there are women that do that. And so ladies, when you submit, we understand how much strength is under control there. We're not oblivious to it. We understand that when you submit to us, that you're restraining the rebellion that you could engage in. We know that you're strong, godly women who are choosing to submit at that moment. Now let me deal with one of the more common questions that I hear from women. What happens when my husband makes the wrong decision? So let's deal with this inevitable reality. Lesson four, part one, husbands should admit when they're wrong. Lesson four, part one, husbands should admit when they're wrong. So just picture this situation. A husband and wife are driving, and the wife says, you're supposed to turn here. And the husband says, no, I think it's the next turn. And then it ends up that she's right and he's wrong. So I'll tell you what the husband should not do, and then I'll tell you what the husband should do. So brothers, well, let me just ask, what shouldn't we do then, brothers? Oh, come on, guys. Come on. Step up here. Don't defend yourself. Don't make excuses. Don't justify. Don't shift blame. Don't do this really bad thing where you say something like, well, I would have known to turn there if you would have kept your kids quiet in the back seat. You would keep them under control so that I could see where I'm driving. I mean, if you're a little better mother, this wouldn't have happened. But because, you know, start blaming your wife, blaming your kids for your bad decision. So here's what you should do, just admit you made the wrong decision. And if you really wanna be your wife's hero, then say you were right and I was wrong. And if we're being prideful and stubborn, we're really the only ones that know this, huh? If we're being prideful and stubborn, those are sins, so we don't just admit we're wrong, but we also sinned and we should apologize and we should ask for forgiveness. So brothers, if we admit when we're wrong, it's gonna do a few things. It's gonna bless our wife, it's gonna encourage our wife to submit in the future, and third, it's gonna set a good example. So we can talk a lot about leadership, and it's kind of been emphasized that it relates to the decisions we make, but primarily as husbands, we don't lead by the decisions we make. We've discussed that, but primarily we lead by our example. That's what our families learn from us. Our families learn by the example we set, by our humility, by us being like Christ. So I previously talked about husbands getting the wise that they prepare for themselves in my last message. So brothers, if we make excuses, if we justify ourselves, if we blame our children or our wife, then more than likely, we're gonna increase the likelihood that we end up with a wife and possibly children that follow our example, make excuses, justify themselves and blame others. There have been times when Katie has pulled me aside and she said, I watched now, That's even a little important lesson right in there. And I'll just elaborate briefly. When I say Katie pulled me aside, what I mean is she'll talk to me privately. So this isn't to say that a submissive wife never corrects her husband or never disagrees with him, but can we be honest that there is a good and a bad time to correct your husband? Can we agree that correcting your husband in front of the kids isn't the best time, but to do it privately? And so when Katie talks to me privately, and says, I saw you arguing with our child, and you pretty much look just like our child. There wasn't a whole lot of difference between the two of you. You were really upset about the way our child was acting right there, and that's pretty much how you looked, too. You didn't look more mature than Johnny at that moment. So the point is, we're leading by our example, and so when our We're not really distinguishable from our children because we're acting as immaturely as them. We should apologize, ask for forgiveness, confess that we know we weren't behaving maturely, and then we'll increase the likelihood that we'll have a wife and children who hopefully do the same. Now, I'll provide a little balance by asking you to imagine something. So this is important. Now, let's say there's a husband who makes a decision for his family, he's prayerful. He looks to God's word. He talks to godly people. He listens to his wife's thoughts and counsel. He makes the best decision he can, and he still ends up being wrong. That's a far cry from a husband who's stubborn and prideful. So in that situation, should the husband be made to feel like he sinned? Just say no. No, he made the decision that he thought was best for his family. And in those moments, ladies, do you understand the great opportunity you have when your husband makes the wrong decision to be gracious to him? And do you have any idea how well he will remember that? Because your husband already feels bad that he made the wrong decision. He's already vulnerable. Now if you kick him when he's down, he's gonna remember that too. But if you take that opportunity to encourage him and say something like what? You did what you thought was best. You prayed. You thought this was gonna work out well for our family. Your husband's gonna feel built up and he's gonna remember how his wife supported him at that time. So here's the balance. Husbands should admit when they're wrong, but if they did what they thought was best, they shouldn't be made to feel like they sinned. So to address the why, something that makes this more difficult is if a wife submits to her husband, so follow me on this. If a wife submits to her husband, which means she disagrees with him, and then it turns out that he's wrong, that probably means that the wife was right. Okay, and this brings us to lesson four. Part one, husbands should admit when they're wrong. Part two, and wives shouldn't say any guesses. I told you so. So, and I'll just say this, whether you're a husband, wife, mother, father, child, parent, pastor, congregant, you name it, don't be an I told you so person. Nobody likes I told you so people. And if you're ever thinking of being an I told you so person, just remind yourself you're about to be proud and obnoxious. There's actually no way in life that it is ever Christ-like or appropriate to say, I told you so. It never makes us look good. So when a husband has the humility to say, I made the wrong decision, a godly wife says, that's humble. Thank you for saying that. We all make mistakes. You did what you thought was best. Now I know what some of you ladies are saying. You're saying, what if my husband is too proud to say that he's wrong? What if my husband won't admit that he made a bad decision? Then guess what, ladies? You still shouldn't say I told you so. Don't say I was right. You were wrong. You should have listened to me. Because here's what happens, and I've seen this. A wife wants her husband to be more mature to admit when he's wrong. Well, when she starts criticizing him, All she does is come down to his level and he allows him to feel justified in treating her that way because he doesn't any longer see her as a super godly woman. So ladies, if you want your husband to be convicted, guess what you need to be? A super godly woman. It is your godliness, and this is the language of the beginning of 1 Peter 3, it is your godliness that will convict your husband about being an ungodly man who's married to such a godly woman. So when your husband's wrong and he sees you being mature and spiritual, that's when he will become convicted about his pride and stubbornness while being married to such a wonderful woman. But if you're upset with your husband and you just come down to his level and start giving into the flesh, he'll just feel very good about you doing that because now he feels justified in his behavior because he's married to an equally immature woman. So you're never gonna convict your husband about his pride by being prideful too. You're never gonna convict your husband about his immaturity by being immature too. That just makes him feel better about being proud and immature. So your godliness maturity will convict him. So I'll share a situation from our marriage that I won't forget that illustrates this lesson. So I was teaching elementary school, this is 2007. And I was working part-time at Grace Baptist Church, but I wasn't there full-time, so I'm still full-time. And when I say part-time at Grace Baptist, I mean, they're paying me, you know, nicely for a part-time position, but it was nothing near what I would need to take care of my family. And I think Rhea might have been born at this time, so we had, no, we were pregnant with Rhea, that's what it was, she wasn't born yet. So I, Didn't know I wanted to go into ministry, but I wasn't sure how far away that was and so I wanted to take better care of my family because I thought I was gonna get tight if we kept having children and I Wanted to become a principal, but I didn't really want to become a principal I wanted to remain in the classroom because I like teaching and but I thought being a principal might be the only way I can take care of my family and So right when I'm about to become a principal, I learned about a local district hiring, and it was on the naval base, and everyone knew they paid their teachers a lot more, and they paid their teachers for military experience. So it was like a $20,000 or $30,000 raise for me to leave the district I was at to go teach at this district. And I would still get to stay in the classroom. I'd still get to be a fourth or fifth grade teacher, which is what I wanted. So I remember driving to this interview, trying to hold this very loosely, saying, Lord, if you want me to take this new teaching position, I trust you, just give me favor with them, but you know what's best. If it's not your will, just close this door. But in my mind, I really want to get this position, right? So I go to the interview. It seems to go well. They send me out to the waiting room to wait a few minutes, and they bring me back in. They sit me at this table. And they slide this paper across the desk, and they say, this is what we'd like to offer you. And I looked at it, and it was like $20,000 or $30,000 more money. And I thought, this is it. God's opened the door for me to take care of my family in this new position. And I was really excited. I can stay in the classroom. And yeah, that was like 2006, because I Then 2007 was the Great Recession. You guys remember that, right? I'm not the only one that lost their job at this time. So then the Great Recession happens, and even though it was my eighth year teaching, I lost my tenure at my previous district. So I was a new teacher at this district, so they let me go. And I couldn't go back to my previous district for obvious reasons. I left that district. But nobody else is really hiring either. And so this is when I've got to go home to talk to my wife, who's pregnant with Rhea. So this is 18 years ago. And I've got to go home and tell her at this really low point that I have lost my job and been laid off, which was not something that either of us were expecting. She's pregnant with our first child. I don't have any medical insurance at this point. So here's what Katie could have said. She could have said, you had a good secure teaching position. Why didn't you stick with that? You say you prayed about this. You definitely should have prayed more. You're supposed to be the spiritual leader of our family and your prayers end up with you being unemployed. You're supposed to provide for our family, but now you don't have a job or any insurance. I'm pregnant with our first child. What are we going to do now? We won't even be able to afford the mortgage. So I still remember that night we were laying in bed and Katie had her head on my chest and she said, I'm so excited to see what God is gonna do. That was her encouragement. Now, ladies, when your husband is at a super low point, if you encourage him, he will never forget that. Ladies, if your husband is at a super low point and you kick him, he will never forget that. So be the encouragement, be the helper that God wants you to be for Him. Katie was right, God did have a plan. That's actually when Grace Baptist stretched themselves to bring me on full-time. And so there were two things that Katie did at that time that I really appreciate. First, she encouraged me, which is what I needed, because I pretty much felt like a big failure. It was a huge blessing to have her support during that difficult season. And then the second thing is, she never made me feel worse about my decision. So I want to conclude with this. Husbands, when we're wrong, not if we're wrong, but when we're wrong, let's be humble. Let's admit it. If we're proud and stubborn, then let's ask for forgiveness too. Wives, when your husband is wrong, don't say, I told you so. Don't make him feel worse. Encourage him, be the helper that God designed you to be for him. And I'll just share this with you ladies. The longer I'm a husband, the longer I am a father, The more convinced I become, and I'm not minimizing the responsibility that's on a wife or mother's shoulders, but there is a huge load on men's shoulders. This is not an easy world to take care of a family. This is not an easy world that makes spiritual leadership in a home easy. And sometimes you feel like you've got the whole, there's been times, and it's maybe part of us just from being a pastor, but you can really almost feel like the whole world's against you. And there are times when you might be the only person in your husband's life that he feels is for him. And if he has those moments when he feels the whole world is against him, do you understand how incredibly valuable you will be to him? if you're that person that stands by him, those are those moments that husbands just never forget. So take advantage of those times to encourage your husband when nobody else will. Father, I thank you for this time. I thank you for the people who have come out to strengthen their marriages and families. I thank you for the husbands here, help us to love our wives as Christ loves the church. I thank you for the wives here. I pray that you help them to submit to their husbands and encourage them and help all of us to have better marriages that resemble Christ and his relationship with the church, Lord. I pray that you bless the discussion and fellowship that follows in the Q&A after that, and we pray all this in Jesus' name. Amen.