Come to the Lord in prayer, please. O Lord God, this is your holy word. We are your servants. Give us understanding that we might know your testimonies. You have prayed, O Lord God, sanctify them in truth thy word is truth. Use your word this hour to set us apart for your service and for your glory. Show us now great and mighty things which we do not know. The sower sows the word. Plow up the hard ground of our hearts that your seed unsinkwards downward and their fruit upwards. Protect us from Satan this evening that he would not snatch your word away. Protect us from a wrong reaction to difficulties and discouragements and persecutions making our hearts hard. Protect us from the world's cares and the delight of wealth and the passions for other interests which enter in and choke the word making it fruitless. Rather, let not your word go out and return void, but accomplish that purpose for which you are sending it out and for which you have drawn us together. Unsheathe now the sword of your spirit. Cut to the divided points of our souls and our spirit. Judge now the thoughts and intentions of each of our hearts. O Lord, we live in a dark and wicked age. Broad is the way and many are I which lead to destruction. Make your word now to us a lamp to our feet and aligned to our path that we might see that narrow way in which you would have us walk. As we run in the paths of your commandments, O Lord God, enlarge our hearts that in loving you more, we might obey you more. Spread your word before us as a banquet table this evening. Let us drink deeply of the sweet milk and eat richly of the meat of the great doctrines of your word. Give us the heart of the prophet who cried to you, thy words were found and I did eat them, and thy words became to me a joy and the delight of my heart for I am called by thy name, O Lord God of hosts. Make your word to us this hour a plumb line, O Lord God. Drop it against our lives and grant grace that we might see where we deviate from its high and holy standards. Make your word now to us a mirror. As we gaze into it, let us not be as ones who take a look at themselves and go off and properly forgive how they look, but make us active doers, not forgetful listeners. Oh Lord God. Oh Lord God, because of our fealty to you, because of our undying love and devotion to your Son, our Savior, we pledge our total submission to your holy, eternal, and errant written word. And we pledge our unquestioning obedience to its commands. In the name of our Lord and resurrected Savior, Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen. The three T's, truthful, trusted, transparent. Gentlemen, that's what you covenant. That's what you covenant. Your wife has a need for you to be these things. And that need is not as a result of sin in her life. It is as a result of her unique creation. Having these, is not the same as having sin. If it is as a result of her creation, then her maturing in Christ will result in an ever greater need and appreciation for the three keys. This is what God is calling you to do. Trust and its sister virtues, truth and transparency are at the heart of this third covenant. Let's turn in our Bibles to Proverbs 31 verse 11. Proverbs 31 verse 11. Pam, I'll get you to read that if you would please. Please. Proverbs 31 verse 11. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing in value. Yeah, the heart of her husband trusts in her. Everybody wants the wife of Proverbs 31. Embedded in the wife of Proverbs 31 is her husband. He does things like he's her husband is known in the gates as he sits among the elders of the land. That's number one. The heart of her husband trusted her. He has no lack of gain. That's 2 in 3. The Bible says of the woman in Proverbs 31, she gives portions to her maidens. That's 4 in 5. He provides her with household. Why for Proverbs 31 to do all those things? Because her husband provided her with maid service. So, you know, you guys, if you want the wife of Proverbs 31, then you have to phone me up, don't you? So, do a Bible study, meet her emotional needs, and shell out for faith service. Then you can have her. It's in the Bible. Read it. Okay. The husband's responsibility to extend his trust In the world system, love is earned, isn't it? And unearned. In the biblical paradigm, we love our wives because God commands us to do, irrespective of their behavior. We love them as Christ loved the church. God loves us irrespective of our behavior. We love our wives. In the world system, respect is earned, isn't it? In the biblical system, a wife gives her respect, gives the husband respect, whether he earns it or not. Well, it's the same way with trust. In the world system, trust is earned, isn't it? But if we love our wife the way Christ loves the church, will she have to earn our trust? Do you have a spiritual gift you're after? Yeah, you earned that, right? You showed from the day you became a Christian, by your conscientiousness, and by your maturity, and by your unwavering zeal for God, that he could trust you with spiritual gifts. Is that correct? No, that's not. Because anyway, in fact, in Romans 11, 29, no matter what you do, his gifts and his callings are irrevocable. God gives you gifts and responsibilities without reference to your behavior. He trusts you, doesn't he? Without reference to your worthiness of that trust. We are called to do the same thing with our wives. What if she takes advantage of me? Well, go look in the mirror. What if you take advantage of God's trust? What if she squanders our wealth? Go look in the mirror. What if you squander the precious blood of Christ, said, for the remission of your sins, by sinning anyways, again and again? Does God withdraw His trust from you? Will God take His gifts and His calling from you because you didn't live up to it? Will He put you on the shelf? Absolutely not. His commitment to you is unwavering. So what the first thing a man does is he commits or entrusts his marriage to the sovereignty of God. Proverbs 19.14 says, health and wealth are an inheritance from a father, but a prudent wife is from the Lord. You are married to whom? You are married to by the sovereignty of God. There are certain decisions a man makes which he thinks he makes to himself, but really only God makes them. Another is death, and a third is marriage. Whoever you are married to, that is the will of God. It is a spiritual impossibility to be born when you're not supposed to be. No one needs to look in the mirror and say, I should never be here. Because that's a spiritual impossibility. It's a spiritual impossibility to die when you're not supposed to die. You stand before God and say, hey, sorry, God, all bets are off. I'm not supposed to be dead. You've got to send me back. No. And it's a spiritual impossibility to be married to the wrong person. You look at the person sitting next to you, and that's God's will. It's God's will for you to love. It's God's will for you to meet her emotional needs, to listen to her, and it's God's will for you to trust her. Luke 9, verse 62, the Bible says, no one who puts his hands to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of heaven. And you are not to look back. When you're born, you're not to look back. You're not to say, I wish I was dead. When you become a Christian, you're not to look back and say, boy, I just think about all the sin I'm missing out on. You know, all the happy sinners, you know. You know all the divorced people, how happy they are? You know how happy they are, aren't they? All those divorced people out there who are sharing their kids. Don't they always say, boy, it's just so great to share our kids. It's just so much fun every other weekend. Isn't that a blast? You know? dividing up their wealth, even though they don't live with the person anymore. They just sit around drinking coffee. Boy, I got my paycheck today. I get to send half of it off. You know, I've got the kids this weekend. It's just so great not to have them during the weekday. And mom, you're just saying, boy, the kids are going to be with my other husband. this weekend, it's just so great not to have them around on the weekend. Is that what those people are saying? And it's so nice at weddings and school functions and I've got my wife and there's my ex and there's her husband and there's her ex and we're just all there in this convoluted, just happy, extended, dysfunctional family. It's just so wonderful. Is that how people talk? No, they don't. All your divorced friends are bitter, I think. I think they're honest, aren't they? And we'll talk about that. My neighbor came across the street to me and he said, he's just become a Christian. He's been divorced and remarried. He says, you know this divorce business? It's a big lie, isn't it, John? I said, yeah. John got divorced. Every school function, every birthday, every Christmas, every holiday, every hospital, every event, There she is! Every paycheck! There we all are! He said, it's a big lie! I said, it just worked. That's what he said. It just worked it out. I'm not going to get rid of her anyway. I said, yeah, that's right, Mr. Tyler. You sure have. It's a big lie. Proverbs 31-11. The heart of her husband trusts in her that he will have no lack of gain. You see, what did Christ say to the disciples in John 15-15? I no longer call you slaves, but I have called you brothers. For a slave does not know what his master is doing. But now I call you friends, for I have entrusted you everything I heard from the Father. Jesus doesn't treat you as a slave, does he? as a second-class citizen, everything you want to know, right? Deuteronomy 29, 29. The secret things belong to the Lord, the things revealed belong to man and all his generations. Jesus is willing to teach you anything you want to know spiritually from the Word of God. He has an uncompromising level of trust to us in terms of spiritual truth, in terms of him being transparent. We know everything about him, don't we? Did Jesus leave? He did, didn't he? How do you know Jesus wept? He said so. He was right. He just shows it to you, doesn't he? Is the Holy Spirit grieved? Yes. Does the Holy Spirit rejoice? Yes. Was Jesus ever hurt? Yes. All these things. God is an open book to us, isn't he? He's an open book. And we need to be an open book to our lives. Well what if we're an open book to them and they use that to hurt us? How did Jesus love us? Was he an open book? Did they use that to hurt him? That's it. We love our wives as Christ loved the church. I hope that your wife won't do that to you. I hope she will not take your openness and hurt you with it. But, that's when you are called to love her. You see, you trust your wife's ability to discern and do God's will. Proverbs 31, 26, she opens her mouth in wisdom and the teaching of kindness is on her top. Whether she doesn't do that doesn't matter. You still have to trust her. God gives you gifts. He gives you calling. He gives you information. What if you don't live up to it? It doesn't matter. We don't have two checkbooks. We have one checkbook. Eleanor knows all my PIN numbers. She has access to all my email. When Neil comes through the door, you know, if she wants to open anything, she just does it. I don't have a closet that she can't go into. I don't have an account that she doesn't know where it is. I don't have anything that's hidden from her. She has access to everything. When she's walking, walks into the room, I don't minimize things on the computer screen. She knows all of my access codes and she's welcome to it all. She can look at the bank statement. We only have two, our ministry and our personal. She can go through it. She can scrutinize it. She can look at my email anytime she wants to. She knows all my pin codes. She knows everything. I trust her. I trust her. Well, what if she takes advantage of me? Well, it serves me right, doesn't it? What good thing should happen to me? Well, what have I done to deserve it? It's the definition of grace, isn't it? Receiving that which is not deserved. My wife is a gracious Christian wife. She constantly gives me what I don't deserve. And I praise God for that. So I trust her. But we're commanded to trust our wives in these areas irrespective of her behavior. If God trusts you, Rick, it doesn't mean with spiritual gifts. Do you have a spiritual gift? If God were, each day, to go down and categorize your shortcomings and your sins as they pertain to your spiritual gifts, you would go insane. Don't do that to your wife, guys. The Bible says, He who covers a defense, seeks life. He who brings up a matter again, alienates a close friend. You want to alienate your wife? Give her the list every day of her shortcomings. Drive her crazy. But you're not loving her the way Christ loved the church. Because if God did that to you, you would go absolutely insane. Absolutely insane. That's not how God treats us. That's not how we should treat Him. So we need to open our lives to our wives, also, so that they can be our helpmate. Don't we? Your wife is called to be your helpmate. How can she be your helpmate if you are not truthful and transparent in your relationship with her? If you don't trust her to be the wife of Proverbs 31. Turn to Proverbs 31 ladies, if you would please. Now, for this cause a man will leave who? So we in Texas, we have a phrase called mama's boy. What's a mama's boy, right? Mama's boy is a boy who never left his mama. Momma always did it this way, Momma always did it that way. Momma comes in his house, she wants to rearrange the silverware, she just rearranges the silverware anyway. Because that's a Momma's boy. Momma can complain how your wife does things, well that's my Momma, I just can't do anything. And Momma can tell your wife how to fix this, and how to do that, and Momma has everybody over for Christmas, and it's Momma this, and Momma that, and you're just a Momma boy. But that's not how it's to be. Now, my wife and my mom were best friends. Very best friends. But when we first got married, we had been married less than a month. When I took a long walk around my mom's apartment complex with her and told her that she could gain a daughter or lose her son. But that she had to stop complaining to me and to Ellen. about her behavior, how she was treating me, how she cooked meatloaf, you know, how things were done. Because I just wanted something to be that way. I wanted her to grow up and be close to the grandchildren and be close to us. You know, my mom was crying, but she said that she would do that. She made the change, didn't she, baby? And they became best friends. Now, I'm not a mama's boy. I left my mom and cleaved to my wife and became one flesh. If you're hard trust in your wife, there's no room for a mama's boy in a Christian marriage. Proverbs 31, 27. Pam, read that for us please. She watches over the affairs of her household and does not... Wait, wait a second. Whose households? Their households. That husband trusts in her, doesn't he? Turns it over. If you are going to develop your wife spiritually, as the spiritual leader, into the woman of Proverbs 31, whose house is it? It's hers. You give it over to her. Isn't that right? Why does the living room look the way it looks? Because that's her ministry, isn't it? What does she eat in the kitchen? That's her ministry, isn't it? How should the bedroom look? That's her ministry, isn't it? She looks well, that's her ministry. And you trust her and turn it over to her. And you say, you know what sweetheart, you know I shot this buffalo in South Dakota, and I'd really like to put the buffalo in the living room. And if your wife says no, what will you do? You'll trust her decision, won't you? You'll trust it. You'll trust it. And if your wife says, I think this will look better this way, what will you do? You'll trust her. It's a matter of trust, isn't it? It's a matter of trust and not being a bully. It's two things. It's her household. And, Proverbs 31, 14. She is like the merchant ships. Okay, now what do ships do? Carry goods. Yeah! Yeah, but they have travel around, don't they? This woman had a lot of freedom, didn't she? She had the freedom to go here or there and make the budgeting and shopping decisions for her own. And she wasn't always having to check into her husband and explain to him how come she bought tomatoes this week, you know, when the rutabaga was on sale. And how come she bought peaches out of season. And how come, and why are we happy? And what about, you know, she's not micromanaged, is she? You don't micromanage a ship, do you? Okay? Pam's probably 3160. She considered the deal and buys it. Does she have her earnings? Okay. She has her earnings. Doesn't she? Most men have this financial philosophy. Sweetheart, what's yours is mine, and what's mine is mine. That's not right, is it? Ellen and I pool our money, but then I don't control it. She has just as much right to have a say in the decisions, a say in the financial decisions of the homicide who don't go. Doesn't she? Doesn't she? Proverbs 31, 20. Pam? She opens her arms to the poor. Okay, you say, sweetheart, what happened to this? Oh, I gave it to the poor. You what? You didn't check in with me on that. I'm praying for the woman of Proverbs 31, but I don't want you exhibiting any of these character traits. God the Holy Spirit meant well. That's not how it's going to be is it? Proverbs 31, 31 Pam. Give her the reward she has earned. and let the words break her praise. Yeah, let me ask you guys. Is your wife's painting work on display in your home? And when people walk into your home, is that what you talk about first? Or do you take them straight to your own stuff? No, the wife of Proverbs 31 is worthy of praise, isn't she? And you guys should be thinking when you host activities to make sure that your wife's accomplishments and what she does receives the first place, doesn't it? Now I've got a presidential signature collection, a little presidential library, and if you're in my home and you stick around afterwards when everybody's leaving and are kind of milling around and I can snooker you in there, I'll show you my signatures because I'm proud of them. But when you walk in my home, up on the mantel and throughout the house, are not my presidential signatures and pictures and books and stuff. No, that's Eleanor's. It's her household business. And her work certificate. And by God's grace, I'll be talking about her cooking, and about her accomplishments, and about what she's done with the home, and how she has decorated it, and I'll be talking about her. Because talking about yourself means you are a what? What's the definition of somebody who talks about himself all the time? He's an egotist, right? And we need to be above that, don't we guys? Proverbs says, let another praise you, and not your own lips. A stranger, and not your own mouth. And if you're in your home and nobody ever says, show me your presidential signature collection, or I heard about this, or what's that over there? Well, then you know, they're just not as important as you thought they were. So you let everybody leave without blowing your trumpet. And you blow the trumpet, your wife's trumpet. That's a vow we make. Because if you don't do it, who do you want doing it? Who do you want doing that? Praising your wife and talking about it all the time and having her around in your home. You guys, come on back. Kelly, let's go. Come on. Come on back in the bedroom. I want to show you guys what Kelly's done with her bedroom. Do you want me doing that, Jeff? No. Then you do it. You show people around your house and how this is Kelly's household and praise her and tell them what a wonderful person she is because you don't want anybody else doing the video. Truth and transparency are inseparable for trust. We have to be willing also to show our wives our weaknesses and tell her about our weaknesses so she can be our help type. Brad, would you like this job? Your uncle calls you out and says, you know, I bought an insurance company in downtown Houston. It came with a 30-story building. You know, right at the top, I've got this beautiful office suite, and I'd like you to be my executive vice president. I'm going to triple your salary. So you resign, fly, and he says, you're going to need three suits. and so you put on your suit and you go out there and you go in and first there's a receptionist and then there's a secretary and then you're in an office about the size of this extended area here and a big desk and you sit down and the clock begins to tick and every once in a while you open the door and you say, oh alright, just enjoy yourself you know there's a putter in there the phone number rings And you're never invited to any meetings and never asked to do anything. Your job is just to hang around in that beautiful office and amuse yourself. Are you happy? That's all you're going to do all day. Rattle around in that big office, not make any decisions, and just find ways of amusing yourself. Are you going to be happy? I wouldn't. I quit. I'd rather work day labor. They just rattle her. Well, don't do that to your wife. She's your hellbent. Don't give her a nice house and just have her rattle around in it all day and not know who you are and what you are about. Now, open your heart to her. Honey, help me. I'm having problems at work. Help me with it. That's what a hellbent does, doesn't it? I'm having conflict at work. Help me with it. I'm having trouble with the finances. Help. Help me with it. I've got to make this decision. Help me. I'm depressed. Help me with it. These are some of my fears, honey. Help me with this. Sweetheart, would you help me? Help. That's what you do. A helpmate does what, son? Helpmate? Help. Yeah. Go back to the class. That's exactly right. You're not doing your wife any favor by denying her her calling. Your gifts of calling are irrevocable, but you have revoked your wife's calling because of your vanity and your egotism. You refuse to keep your mouth shut, open your heart, gaping wide, and say the words, help me, and then sit there and listen. Boy, I learned that position. I wouldn't make any financial decision without that one. Hey, even little things like buying gifts on the mission field. I want Eleanor by my side because she can help me with that. When I'm reconciling problems, I want Eleanor. When I want to know how to spell a word, I want Eleanor. When I can't remember somebody's name, I want Eleanor to help me. Why wouldn't you want her to help you? She's your helpmate. Now, when we first got married, I came from a tradition, you know, where the man takes control and he runs everything, and he takes care of his wife, and the wife is supposed to become like a kept woman, and she has the children, and stays busy, and you just come home from work carrying all the burdens of life, but you don't share anything with your wife because you don't want to upset her. But I was really unfair to Ellen, wasn't I? How is she going to be my helpmate if I won't let her help me? She doesn't want to just rattle around in the house with a bunch of kids and ladies clubs and things like that. She wants to minister to me. So I had to be willing to do that. Now, remember this guys. Suppose this is just starting to dawn on you that you haven't been doing this. Well, take this as an analogy. You realize you're kind of getting out of shape and you need to run a little bit. So you start walking a mile every morning. And then I do my verses and my scripture memory while I walk. So you begin walking and you get down here and you dig out your verse pack. Where is that? I think it's in here somewhere. So you dig out your verse pack in the morning, you've got your verses, you're working on your scripture memory. Then pretty soon you can run about a quarter mile and walk, the rest of the quarter mile. Pretty soon you run the whole mile. About a month later, you're up to about a mile and a half, two miles. Within three months, you're up, you're past three miles, three and a half. By the end of the year, you're running regularly four miles, and when you want to, you can do five. And then you start to do some 10K runs, and you begin working up and say, well, my goal is to do a marathon. You really knockin' the verses away and reviewin' them, and you're just a regular running five miles every day. Then one day while you're running, you're reviewing Proverbs 31, the proverbs of our husband Trotsky never gets low back again. You know what? My wife ought to be with me. Then we could be reviewing our verses together. and praying and running and talking. So you invite your wife and you say, let's go hun and let's go run five miles together. And I've got about 50 verses here I've been working on. Is that fair? Is that fair? Well, it took you over a year to learn those 50 verses, didn't it? And it took you over a year to run five miles. So what do you start doing? You walk with your wife, just like you started out, don't you? Well, it's the same thing with transparency, guys. If you've gone 5, 10, 15, 20 years, whatever it is, without opening your life to your wife, then you're just going all of a sudden, you're sitting there at the bed, and you're tonight, and you're thinking about what I was talking about, and your wife is about to go to sleep, and she hears, beep, beep, beep, beep, and she sees you pulling this lever, and it says, emotional garbage, beep, beep, and suddenly, this giant dump truck with five years of fears comes Is that fair? Is that fair to your wife? No, that's not fair. But you would begin sharing with her, wouldn't you? And bringing her alongside of you and begin praying together and opening your life to her and then saying, honey, help me with this. Help me with that. And listening to her. And when your wife makes a suggestion, what's your response? Yeah, that's a good idea, honey. I'll try working at that. You know, if I say, Jeff, why don't you try this? Nah, nah, that won't work. And, well, what about, that's just off the wall. That won't work. Well, what about, nah, nah, I could never do that. Well, what about this? Nah, nah, we're just too different. You know, but Jeff keeps saying, but yeah, I want to help with this. But every time I help with something, he tells me how stupid I am. You know, that's not how it works, is it? You have to be willing to listen to your wife's suggestions and say, that's right sweetheart, let me pray about that. You know me better than any person on the face of the earth. So you could very well be suffering from a presumptuous sin. You know what a presumptuous sin is? David in Psalms 139 calls to God to save him from his presumptuous sins. Sins that are so presumptuous that you think they're virtues. We all have them. You don't think they're saints. You think they're virtues. But they're not virtues. And who knows? They're not virtues. Your wife, right guys? No one else is going to tell you. Even if you ask them. Your only hope is that you have a godly wife that if you really ask her, she'll help you. Otherwise you're going to go through life with people who are snickering and saying it's just a And some people actually would rather live in the fantasy world that their presumptuous sins were virtues, even though they're not. But I hope for things better of you. I do. I hope for things better of you. Ladies, remember this. Oh, I just have a ladies prayer group now. My husband never shares anything for me. Please sisters, please pray that he would be more open and he never talks with me. You're with the pastor? No, the pastor of my husband, he never talks with me. Oh, what's it so far? I just don't know why he won't share anything deep with me. Now you're with your sister on the phone. That jerk of a husband, he never once told me anything. I know, I know, I'm a jerk of a husband too. I'm just so glad we could talk on the phone and talk about what jerks we have for our husbands. Isn't this, isn't this so self-actualizing? Oh yes, yes, I just love to do it. So that's how you're living. Then your husband comes to you and he's attending a seminar and he says, well, I'm not doing it. Sweetheart, you know, economy's going bad. They're downsizing. Man, I don't know. If I lose my job, I've never shared this with you, but here are five answers. We've been kind of living on the edge. We've got two cars and we could probably end up with one used car. We may end up in a rental home, but at least we've got each other, honey. I just need you to pray for me and give me your advice, but just be here with me. Now that's not how you get your husband to open up to you. If you want your husband to trust in you and open his heart to you, when he does that, you minister to him. Don't you? You comfort him. You take care of him. Don't you? You don't panic. He needs you to be there with him. And so we need to remember that. We want our husbands to be transparent, but we need to live up to that trust, don't we? Then you entrust your marriage to the sovereignty of God. You never again ask yourself, what if I had married someone else? Because that thought is sin. Thank you, God. It's sin. Can you imagine saying this? I wonder if I could take my kids to a orphanage and trade them in for a different kid. Can you imagine saying that? Well, how can you say, I wonder if I give the voice, I give it a touch of ice, we'll get out a second time around. Trust your wife's ability to discern God's will. And remember, God's trust of you is unearned. So you must give the same unearned trust to your wife. When your wife asks for something, you should ask yourself, is my scrutiny of my wife's request as a result of my own desire for her best, or it is a result of my controlling attitude? Or am I just plain stingy? Your wife shouldn't have to come and ask you for money, ask you for things for the house. She should come to talk with you about her household and her And what will be best for that? And we'll discuss that together. Rick, on the big picture, does God give you more or less than what you're asking for? More. God at that point, more, far more. Because none of us men, none of our behavior has earned us any position in the church, had the right to lead someone to Christ or to teach the Bible. But God gives us more. We should do that with our wives. Our wives should reflect, nor your wife should say, I have to be careful when I talk. to my husband about needs because I know he'll short himself way back. He'll come way up short himself to make sure I'm happy. And your wife should say, you know I have to be careful in expressing myself so strongly about things about the house and responsibilities I need and something like that because my husband will just come up short. He'll never have anything or get to do anything. Isn't that how it works with your God? That's how it should work with you and your wife. Truth and transparency are inseparable from trust, guys. So read the three keys. Trusting, truthful, transparent. Lord, we thank you for this time together and we ask you to bless the study of this important covenant. We thank you that you've created our lives with the need of a truthful, trusting, transparent husband. And we thank you for the privilege of being the one who meets that need. In Christ's name we pray, Amen.