Text today is Ephesians 5, verses 22 through 33. Starts on page 1173, the Bible's in the seats. It's been a couple of weeks now since we finished the section before this, where Paul was exhorting his readers to live the converted life of a Christian. And he finished that in verse 21, if you remember, with a call to mutual submission. We're gonna reread verse 21 to start. And now this week, we're gonna begin the first of several sections where Paul specifies the submission that he is calling for using examples from household relations. So like I said, we're gonna read or start reading at verse 21, which we already covered. We're gonna bring that in, carry it in, and we'll read through verse 33. And be subject to one another in the fear of Christ. Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her, so that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of his body. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church. Nevertheless, each individual among you also is to love his own wife even as himself, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. Let's pray. Lord God, as we get into these examples of submission in the household and our roles in the family, we ask that you would use it to reform our homes as needed. We care deeply about order and godliness in families, so please work in our hearts and minds to seek improvement where it is needed. And use us to pass on the faith to our children and to our grandchildren. Make us receptive to the truth found in these scriptures. Bless our gathering with your presence. May it be glorified to you, faithful to the text, and helpful for your people. Send your spirit to work in us now. We ask this in Jesus' name, amen. I'm a little torn how to feel about the paragraph break here between verses 21 and 22. I'm sure you see it in the Bibles there, at least a bolding of verse 22 or something along those lines that shows that it's essentially a separate paragraph. On one hand, we can see how Paul is transitioning from general instructions for the whole church to specific instructions for household roles. He starts talking to wives specifically, and husbands specifically, and children specifically, and slaves, and we'll get into all that. But then on the other hand, verses 21 and 22 are inseparable grammatically and thematically. Verse 22 doesn't even have its own verb. It borrows it from verse 21. That's how grammatically intertwined they are. If you're looking at the text, you're gonna see that that imperative to the wives, the be subject that's said to the wives, will be printed in italics in most copies of the Bible. Meaning that that word isn't technically there in the original Greek. It's implied by the text and it's placed in the English translations to clarify it for the reader. And I'm not challenging that, I think that's right and it's appropriate. But here's how it would read literally. And listen to how 21 and 22 flow together. It would say, be subject to one another in the fear of Christ, wives to your own husbands as to the Lord. clearly linking those two. There's no question what he's saying here, and it shows even more clearly how what he is about to teach in the coming paragraphs will expound on what he had in mind when he calls us to that mutual submission in verse 21. So before we get into the commands for wives, let's talk quickly about mutual submission. We talked about it some last week. We didn't give it full attention. We're gonna talk about it some this week and not give it full attention this week either, but we're gonna talk about it a little bit in both. Then we're gonna cover Paul's commands for wives. That's what we're gonna cover this week and Paul's commands for husbands next week, covering the same 12 verses. So we're gonna be in these 12 verses for two weeks in a row. We're gonna give attention to wives first because Paul gives attentions to wives first, and then we're gonna give attentions to husbands next. Like I said a couple weeks ago when we covered verse 21, Paul's call for mutual submission is not a call to dismantle all authority structures. If it was, then he would never follow verse 22 with a command for wives to submit to their husbands. That wouldn't make any sense. He wouldn't be saying, everybody submit to each other equally, also wives submit to your husbands. Why would you say that if you just said everybody should submit to each other equally? It wouldn't make any sense to have any kind of specificity there. So he's clarifying what he means. So then how does verse 21, which says that we should be subject to one another, how does that get applied in a marriage where a wife is told to be subject to her husband, but a husband is not told to be subject to his wife? Well, mutual submission in Christian marriage means the wife is to be subject to her husband as the head, and the husband is to sacrificially love his wife. That's mutual submission in a marriage. The wife's submission is as one under authority, and the husband's submission is one making himself last, working for the good of the others in his home. That's his mutual submission to them, or mutual subjection to them. They're subjects to one another, but not in the same way, of course, because there's rules. The husband's, or let me give you a picture of, a blue collar family, lower income maybe, lower income blue collar family. The husband works to provide. He labors. He tells his wife, all right, you have $150 to feed our small family each week. I think that's, I don't know. I don't know if you could actually feed a small family $150 anymore. But he says, you got $150. Find a way to make it work, darling. I'm going to go earn that money. You find a way to make it work. And she submits to that budget by industriously doing as she is instructed. Maybe she wants to get a few brand name things here or there, or maybe more throw pillows for the couch or something. He says, no, you know, the money won't go that far. Don't do that. And she submits by obeying him in that. He subjects himself to her and the kids by doing the labor to feed the family and provide for them. He's subjecting or subjecting himself to them in that sense. And if the money comes up short and they're low on food one day, they run out one week, he subjects himself to them by being the one that goes hungry. He would fill his plate last. That's his mutual submission to them. Not because he's under his wife's authority. That's not how the roles work. It is because his role in a marriage of mutual submission is to sacrifice himself. That's how a husband's mutual submission looks in a family. He puts himself below them to ensure that they are lifted up, they are protected, they are provided for by his work, by his labor, by his sacrifice. Being the head is not about getting the perks of being the one in charge. That's not what headship is about. It's not like, well, who goes first? Who gets the best one, the best piece, the best of, is it dad since he's the head? No. Because he's the head, he's actually gonna go last. He's gonna make sure everybody else is taken care of because he's the head. is why the church, for instance, can mutually submit to one another. All of us within the church can mutually submit to one another, even though church members are not in authority over each other. It's not about authority, necessarily. Mutual submission is not exclusively about authority. It's about considering one another more important than yourself, or before yourself, considering others before yourself. How does the church practice mutual submission if there's elders in authority? Same with parents and kids. Those authority structures don't go away just because we're called to mutual submission. Those rules relating to authority don't go away because of verse 21, and the same goes for marriage. The authority of the man doesn't go away because of a call for mutual submission. So mutual submission is supposed to be according to the rules God has established. We mutually submit according to the roles that God has established. Mutual submission has nothing at all to do with destroying the patriarchy, nothing to do with eliminating male headship, nothing to do with removing the authority of the husband over his wife. Men and women are equal in their value, they're equal in their being before God. We've explained all this before, but they don't have equal authority in the home. They don't. In spite of this, even though there is a hierarchy, Christian marriage does not look like how the world portrays it, how they think it looks, the way they caricature it. It's not about selfish, oppressive husbands and poor, timid, exploited wives. It's not male dominance and female passivity. That's not Christian marriage. Rather, it is about sacrificial husbands and obedient wives And I will say neither role is easy. We can admit that right up front. It's not easy to sacrifice, not easy to be obedient. I don't know if one is more difficult per se, they're just different. But those differences are according to God's design of the home. Households were designed to have an economy, meaning there are assigned roles or assigned jobs within the family. Mother and father are not interchangeable. Parents and children are not interchangeable. And it has nothing to do with the inherent worth of the individuals who fill those roles. It's not like dad is more valuable, therefore he gets headship. It has nothing to do with that. It's about function. And God has designed the natures of men and women to correspond with that designed economy. So men and women are obviously equal before God, even though they are complementary to one another. They're not the same, but neither is higher or lower in God's eyes. But God has called men to the role of leadership in the home. And he has called the wife to subjection to that leadership. And accordingly, he has designed men and women to fit those roles with their general strengths and dominant features. This is the part that the world hates so much. Men are generally physically and emotionally stronger. They are more equipped to lead, protect, and provide. And we heard the wife in 1 Peter called the weaker vessel. It's not an insult. It's just nature. And then people in the world, you know, well, I know a woman and she's stronger than so-and-so and she's super strong. Great. That's great. I know a woman that's emotionally stable and very, very emotionally strong and blah, blah, blah. Great. I don't deny that. No one denies that. I'm sure there are. But your exceptions don't prove the rule. You're not shifting thousands of years of a bell curve. It's just reality. Men are generally physically and emotionally stronger, and they are more equipped to do their job that God has for them to lead, protect, and provide. Not that that's all that they do, but women tend to be more tenderhearted, and they have a character that equips them to be a support and be an encouragement. And guess what? That makes them far better at being moms and wives. Dads make terrible moms, and moms make terrible dads. If you look at it statistically, that is borne out. It is overwhelmingly obvious to anyone that is unbiased. Each role is irreplaceable, and neither one is interchangeable. Let's look closer now at the few verses Paul directs towards wives, though. That's what we're focusing on today. This is what he says to the women. He begins with a lead exhortation in verse 21. He says, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Not all men, not other people's husbands, to your own husbands. Wives, to their own husbands. But he immediately introduces to them the manner and the motive for that instruction. How should we do this? How should you do this, ladies? As to the Lord. That can't go overlooked, and we'll come back to it. But you do this as to the Lord. Paul then gives a rationale for his instruction. He says, for the husband is the head of the wife. That's why. Do it because the husband is the head. And then he gives as well an analogy for this headship in verse 23. He says, as Christ also is the head of the church, he himself being the savior of the body. Building on that analogy, he gives another manner and motive for his instruction in verse 24. He says, but as the church is subject to Christ, he's using that analogy, church to Christ, followed by a re-emphasis of the exhortation, so also the wives ought to be to their own husbands and everything. As the church is subject to Christ as its head, so wives ought to be subject to their husbands as their head. So this teaching is straightforward. The husband is the head of the wife in the home, and thus wives are to be subject to them, just as the church is subject to its head, Jesus Christ. That's it, it's fairly straightforward. It's not complicated to figure out, it's just difficult for many to accept. After Paul turns to the husbands for eight verses after this, And we'll do that next week. We'll see one final exhortation to wives at the end of verse 33. He says, and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband. So that's what he says to the wives. Submission and respect. Respectful submission and submissive respect. Those are the duties of a Christian wife. Now, I don't have any experience having to submit to a husband. I can't and I never will and I admit it can feel a little funny standing up here saying this. I assume and predict and am pretty confident it'll be a whole lot easier to stand up here and direct it at husbands. Being a husband myself, being a man myself, I think it's easier to do that. So I don't have any experience as a wife having to do this. But I am absolutely certain that I don't need to have personally experienced it to exhort about it. since Paul, likewise, never experienced that role, and he, likewise, feels free to exhort about it. Even so, we're not going to speak of this command in hushed tones, like I'm embarrassed to be up here, as if we're embarrassed about the command being present in the Scriptures. We're not embarrassed about this. We know how the world feels about it. We know what they think about it when we say it. We're not embarrassed, and we're not gonna move past this quickly. That's not the goal, is to move past this quickly so we can get to the husbands and harp on the husbands about loving their wives. We'll get to that next week, we'll do that. Don't worry. Too many spend so much time qualifying this command that they effectively neuter it. They're so scared to direct this at women and say, submit to your husbands, and they qualify it and qualify it and qualify it until it's like, You know, they spend so much effort trying to avoid even the slightest hint of chauvinism that they forget there's actual law here for wives to conform to. And by the time they're done preaching this text, it doesn't have much teeth left. We really do not realize how much feminism has infiltrated the church and our thinking. And I'll say this too, I think it's condescending. I think it's incredibly condescending to women to think like, well, women just can't handle being directly told things that are hard to hear. That's condescending. Yes, they can. They're just like, I mean, not that you preach to men and women the same, or that you treat them the same, or they're interchangeable, I'm not saying that, but women can hear direction and instruction from the Word of God, even if it's hard. They're capable of that. That's what it's there for. So, I think it's condescending when that happens. I'll say this, if this passage makes you uncomfortable, then modernism and feminism may have begun twisting your mind away from a biblical worldview. If you have a problem here and want to submit to your husbands, you need to be conformed to the word of God. Now that doesn't mean that we intend to use this passage of proverbial club to drive out the remaining vestiges of impertinence from the women amongst us, but it does mean that we will preach and teach this principle unashamedly. We're broadcasting this right now publicly. Listen to it, be offended, nobody cares. And it does give us this added benefit of repelling wolves and the progressives that simply cannot stand this teaching. If there were a visitor here today that came through and there was like a progressive Christian that moved to the area or some wolf in sheep's clothing, they're gonna hear this and they will not come back. So that's kind of nice. But let's be honest here too, they are not the only ones turned off by this teaching. There are women in the church that may struggle with it, and any woman that struggles with it, that has a bitter or rebellious heart, they're not gonna like it either. Of course, the objection will come, hey, there's some really terrible husbands out there. There's terrible husbands in the church even, I know it, there's terrible husbands in the church, and you know what? They're right, there are, unfortunately. I've been one of those guys. In fact, I know for certain that precisely 100% of them have not yet been entirely conformed to the image of Christ. So every woman that is called to submit is called to submit to a failure of a husband, to some degree, to some measure. But still, I commiserate with a woman in that position. Submitting to a jerk is incredibly difficult. Submitting to an incompetent man is incredibly difficult. Submitting to an untrustworthy scumbag is incredibly difficult. But do we see Paul or Peter make qualifications to this command based on whether or not the man has earned his wife's submission? Is this a call to submit based on whether or not the guy is good enough for it? Does he earn it? Did jerky, incompetent, untrustworthy scumbag husbands exist in the first century? Of course they did. Difficult men have always existed, and they've always managed to find wives. And did the Holy Spirit forget this fact while inspiring the book of Ephesians? Of course he didn't. But just maybe, our feelings were not his primary concern while he was guiding Paul to write these very specific instructions. So if you find this command difficult, as I would if I were in your shoes, I admit that, I would find this difficult if I was in your shoes, then gird up your loins, sister, because this text is for you. Don't worry, we're gonna have the same attitude of exhortation toward the husbands next week. You're not getting singled out. We're not condescending to you. We're not buffering anybody. This is not exclusive to you ladies. But if you want to be part of a Christian marriage, these are God's terms. We don't get to make up our own terms. These are God's terms. There's not a modernized version of submission for us in the 21st century, for us in supposedly more enlightened times. We don't have a different kind of submission that we employ because the day is different. Our age is different, no. A gentler, more progressive submission that seeks to meet this standard on paper, but not in reality, is not obedience to God. Ladies, your job is not to wear down your husband or to train him to be less demanding. If he consistently takes the approach of it's not worth the fight, then both of you have failed. If you've gotten to the point in your marriage where you can usually get your way in spite of your husband's reservations, and you know it, or if you have an inkling that you wear the pants in the relationship, then you need to repent. So does your husband, of course, and we'll get to him next week. But right now, it's ladies' night at Grace Chapel, ladies' morning, whatever it is. So I say again, gird up your loins, because Christian marriage is difficult. So be prepared for the challenge. I know I've referred to Christian marriage multiple times now. And the reason for that is, one, because it is extremely countercultural. Our marriages look different than the world. Our marriages are different. Our relationships are different. If a pastor said the things I've said at a secular wedding, or sadly, even in a lot of evangelical churches, there would be audible gasps from the crowd. There might be people standing up and walking out. I've been to weddings where it's just like, you know this kind of thing can't be said. And that's because they have strayed so far from God's design for the home. We are not to be conformed to this world, we are to be transformed by the renewing of our minds. And our marriages must be transformed to the biblical model of male headship and female submission. And the second reason I keep referring to Christian marriage is because of how prevalent this teaching is in the Bible. Not only is it the obvious model in the Old Testament, but Paul's command here is anything but uncommon in the New Testament. We read the same thing in Colossians. Wives, be subject to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord. We read 1 Peter 3. We've gone through that. We've preached through that as well. He said there, in the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands, even if any of them are disobedient to the word. Even if they're not a good husband, they may be won over without a word by the behavior of their wives. Not by you lecturing them and nagging them, without a word, by your behavior, ladies. you win them over as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. Wives, respect your husbands. Let your adornment be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. Your husband might not value that. Who is it? Is it precious to him? Maybe, maybe not. Who is it precious to? God. Be gentle and quiet in your spirit because it's precious to God. Do this as unto the Lord. For in this way, in former times, the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves being submissive to their own husbands, just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. You have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear. So again, they're not placing their hope in their husbands. It's not like, well, he's gonna change someday. He's gonna get better. Maybe he will. You know what? Maybe he won't. Maybe you're married to a nabal and you're an Abigail. Maybe he's a fool. But where are they placing their hope? These holy women who hoped in God. They placed their hope in God, not their husbands, not in their abilities. And let's not forget what Paul teaches to the older women in the church who are supposed to instruct the younger women about how to be keepers of home, how to be good wives, how to love their husbands. And within that list of teaching is obedience to their husbands. Titus 2, so that they may encourage the younger women, talking about the older women, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored. Again, why are you doing this? As unto the Lord, so the word of God will not be dishonored. There's no promise that your husband's gonna come along with it and love you for it. It's your job to do it, so that the word of God not be dishonored. Subject yourselves to your own husbands as to the Lord. Again, there are not exceptions for the quality of the man that the woman is married to. There are not exceptions for the lack of romance in a marriage. Men don't get this because they've kept up one date night every other week. Women are called to respect their husbands regardless of those things. That doesn't mean approving of his failures or his sins or anything that he does that is detestable to the Lord. You don't have to approve of those things when you respect him and submit to him. But marriages will always be better. They will always have the ability to trend in the right direction if a woman respects her husband. There is an astonishing amount of power in respect. In a woman respecting a man, there is a lot of power in that. And ladies, that is in your hands. It's been several years now, but I once heard it explained that men and women run on a different kind of fuel. I want to say gasoline and diesel, but I have a hunch that that analogy might not land on its intended target. But men and women run on different fuel. Men need to be respected. Women need to be loved. Now, that is not to say that women don't need to love their husbands. You know, after all, Titus 2.4 said young women need to love your husbands. Older women teach young women to love their husbands, love their children. They still have to love their husbands, right? And nor do I mean by that that husbands don't need to respect their wives. That's not what I'm saying. There's a reason for the differentiations in the commands to husbands and wives. There's still a reason for it. Again, it comes down to our natures. Men are told to love their wives because generally they're not as good at it. And women are told to respect their husbands because generally they're not as good at it. And this is a result of the fall. This is part of our sinful natural disposition that we must overcome. which is why Paul tells husbands to love their wives and wives to respect their husbands. C.S. Lewis also observed that men tend to define love by not giving trouble to others. That's how they love others, not being a trouble or burden to them. And they don't consciously think of it, that's just sort of how they operate. But that can be mistaken for distance or intentional engagement if they're trying to love their wife that way. It can feel like intentional disengagement. A wife might perceive that as even a lack of love. Distance. Women tend to define love as taking trouble for others. which can lead to exhaustion and a slow simmering bitterness when that labor of taking other's troubles is not recognized and alleviated on occasion. Because again, they'll just tend to do it on their own. They'll take other's trouble. They bear a lot of the burdens in the family because that's how they're loving their family, by taking on the troubles of the family. And if a man doesn't realize that, he's not seeing it, he's not seeking to alleviate it because the burden is building up. then there could be a slow simmering bitterness that creeps up in her heart. But what that means is in a lot of ways, men are better at respecting and women are better at loving. So each of us needs to give deliberate attention to the one that we do not do quite so naturally, if that makes sense. Now, is there some practical application that can be offered here? That's a bit more difficult on a command like this. Every home looks a little different. Every man is a little different. Every woman is a little different. You could give some very specific commands and it'd be like, well, sort of, I don't really like that. She doesn't like that. That's not what our home looks like. Plus this whole thing is practical theology in and of itself. Like I said, it's pretty straightforward. There's not a whole lot of mystery here. The hard part's accepting it. But I remain personally convinced that the best way to clear out the brush, the best way to pave the path toward a healthy Christian marriage is for a husband and wife to cultivate a deep Christian friendship. I remain convinced of that. It's amazing what that can do to soften a heart and to foster forgiveness where there's been hurt and to encourage a desire to be together, to be united spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and yes, physically. Deep Christian friendship will encourage that desire in our hearts. I can testify to this as a once dishonorable man who was the primary cause of a bad marriage at one point, but who now cherishes time with my best friend, my wife. I didn't ever think I'd even see the day where I could say that, honestly, and I can, and I can tell you it was all of grace. Ladies, be the best friend that you can to your husbands. Show him he will be respected, even in the midst of your occasional disagreements regarding his manner and decisions. Even in the midst of his failures, you are bound and determined to respect him and be his friend. Don't look to be motivated to do this by him suddenly earning it one day. He's not gonna earn it, I'm sorry to break it to you. He cannot be your motivation. Do it as unto the Lord. Do it so that the word of God is not dishonored. Do it because that is how the Lord God would have you to live as a helpmate to your husband. Respectfully support your husband and submit to him because God ordained that you be united to him. And that unity is meant to be a picture of the gospel. We're gonna talk about that more next week. Give it more attention next week, but for now, We can all admit that this command is hard. Harder to implement than to preach, I'm sure. I can stand up here and say it. I don't have to do it. But the question is, is it worth the sacrifice? Is godly order in the family and obedience to the Lord worth submitting to worst case scenario, a dishonorable man? Is that worth it? Is this role of submission a thorn in the flesh to you? For some, I have no doubt that it is. I'm sure there's been plenty of Christian women that haven't maybe necessarily said outright, submission to my husband is my thorn in the flesh, but who functionally operate that way. But if your marriage and the call for you to submit and respect your husband is indeed a thorn in your flesh, You need to ask yourself, is God's grace sufficient for you? Did Christ die for your husband's stupid sins? Even if those sins are more flagrant, given his role as the spiritual head. Yes, indeed, Christ did die for those stupid sins. Thus, you can forgive him. How many times? 70 times seven. He could very easily exhaust that in a few weeks. Keep going. He doesn't say that because it's literally the limit is 490. He's saying just perpetually, Christ's blood doesn't run out of atoning power, thus your forgiveness should not run out. We can conversely ask, did Christ die for your failure to submit and respect your husband as the church is supposed to submit to Christ? Yes, indeed, Christ did die for your failures as a wife. Thus, your husband can likewise forgive you. How many times? 70 times seven, perpetually. Will this be incredibly difficult? Yes, it will. So, gird up your loins. There's no reason that Christian husband and a Christian wife should not be able to reconcile their marriage if they both desire to honor God above themselves and with humility of mind are willing to consider others more important than themselves. There should not be a functional roadblock. All it is is getting over hurt and changing habits. But the power is there. The way is paved for us to pursue. The order God has established for the marriage must be maintained throughout that though. The order must be maintained. Christian marriage is a picture of Christ and his church and so must be regarded with reverence and a focus on higher purpose than our own happiness. Ideally, Christian marriage will make you a happier person. But the purpose of Christian marriage, the focus of Christian marriage is not to make you a happier person. I repeat, our marriages must be focused on a higher purpose than our own happiness. As my own dear wife once wrote when speaking of marriage, it's about God's kingdom, not our own. Wives, I exhort you, submit to and respect your husbands, because the glory of God is greater than our marriages. and because his grace is sufficient for you. Amen and amen. Let's pray. Lord God, many of us have been blessed with a spouse and many of us have gone through the best of times and the worst of times with them. If it were not for your clear commands And if it were not for the power of your spirit working in our lives, we would surely have countless broken homes amongst us. We have each sinned against our spouses on a daily basis, many of us for years on end now. Yet because of the glorious gospel that you have revealed to us, we are able to repent and forgive one another. We are able to be reconciled and live in harmony. We beg you, Lord, Please strengthen the marriages in Grace Chapel. As the foundation to healthy homes and churches, Lord, we recognize the importance of strong marriages and healthy homes. Give us the grace to improve in each of our roles. Soften hearts, flood our homes with grace upon grace. May repentance and forgiveness abound. Do it for your glory and put the power of your grace on display. We pray these things in the name of Jesus Christ, the head of the church, the savior of the body. Amen.