Beloved congregation of the Lord Jesus Christ, this morning we continue our study of Ephesians chapter 5, looking at this most beautiful of earthly relationships, marriage. We've seen that God has made us, man and woman, distinct, different, and yet made to complement each other, and in marriage, to live and serve each other in love. Last week we looked at the calling of the Christian wife who is to submit and respect her husband as to the Lord. What we see in both of these callings, the calling of the Christian man, the Christian husband rather, and the calling of the Christian wife, is that these callings are centered upon service to God because of the love of Jesus Christ. Christ must be central in the Christian home. This morning we continue our attention, or turn our attention to the calling of the Christian husband. Verse 22, the wife is called to submit to her husband. The husband's calling there in our text is to love. Love. Love in the biblical. I'll emphasize that this morning. Love in the biblical. Not in the worldly, not in the Hollywood sense of the term, but in the biblical sense of the term, to love his wife. It was Matthew Henry who put it beautifully about this love relationship. Probably my favorite quote about marriage and love. Between husband and wife, he said, quote, The woman was made of a rib out of the side of Adam. not out of his head to rule over him, not out of his feet to be trampled by him, but out of his side to be equal with him, under his arm to be protected, and near his heart to be beloved." This is the calling of the husband and the wife. So we look at this, we meditate upon this as we look to God's word this morning. Our theme is the Christian husband is to be a Christ-like head of the home. The example is Jesus Christ. The Christian husband is to be a Christ-like head of his home. First, we'll see the call to love, and then second, the call to lead. First, the call to love. As we turn our attention to our text, verse 25, begins with these simple words, Husbands, love your wives. Husbands, love your wives. In fact, that's repeated three times in our text. Verse 25, verse 28, and verse 33. Each time, husbands, love your wife. And what we begin to see is that a woman's calling to submit to her husband as being a recognition of God's ordering of creation, placing herself under her husband, her calling to submit is very similar in principle to the husband's call to love. That simply is to willingly follow God's ordering of the home and creation and for him to give himself in a sacrificial way. The problem men face today in this post-Christian culture of ours is that love and sexuality because more defined by Hollywood or by the media than it does by God or by God's Holy Word. We must define love as we find it is in God and in His Word. So if your Bible's open, turn over to 1 John chapter 4. Maybe the chapter we learn most about love. Of the New Testament writers, John is the love writer. Spends much time on love. 1 John chapter 4. Maybe you boys and girls even know a song that quotes these first two verses. Look at verse 7. Dear friends, and think about what this is saying about love. Let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love, does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed His love among us. He sent His one and only Son into the world that we might live through Him. This is love. Not that we love God, but that He loved us and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. What is love? God is love. How does God show that love? He sent His Son. Very simply, love is not a feeling. Love is not an emotion, as it comes from God. Love from God is commitment followed by action. God loved us. And that's why he sent his only begotten son to die for us. He did this because he ordained he would do such before the foundations of the world. In one sense, why did God send Jesus? Well, on one hand, because he said he would. He committed himself to that. He ordained that. Practically speaking, why did God send Jesus? Because he loved us. That's the other side of that. Because he loved us. His commitment to us expressed itself in love by sending Jesus Christ. Verse 25 says that we are to love as Christ loved the church. Verse 25 is the most important verse for a Christian husband in terms of how he lives with and loves his wife. If he is a believer in Christ, verse 25 of our text is both amazing and frightening. That what is being taught to us, what is being fed to us today, is that love has been replaced with lust. And it's always actually been that way. A twisting of love always is lust. When David looked at Bathsheba, he looked and he saw her and he loved her. No, he didn't. He looked and he saw her and he lusted after her. And her sleeping with her was also not love. It was lust. It was lust. It was emotionally, sensually driven. Falling head over heels in love is letting emotions drive the train. Now, before this sounds very unromantic of marital love, there are emotions involved with love. There is a romantic side to love, but this is the expression of love. This is the expression of love. Husbands, your wives ought to know you love them, not just because you're there. That's very important. You're present. I said I would be here. I would love you till you die, so I'm going to live in this house till we die. It expresses itself in a way that a husband cherishes, loves, cares for his wife. But those things Those intimate things are not the driving force of love, they're the expressions of love. What is? Commitment followed by action. In that way, commitment, take a couple who is engaged to be married. We had a couple from our congregation married yesterday, I'll use them as an example. Today they're married, but Friday they weren't. Friday, they could have said to each other, you know what? Sorry, I'm not going to go through with it. And what would have happened? Well, they would have had to call up their pastor, they would have had to tell their family, they would have disappointed some servers who were going to serve a meal. But that's okay. We'd say, good. Disaster was averted that you realize this before marriage. But once you say, I do, something changes. You can't just say, nah, I'm done. That's not an option anymore in marriage, because the commitment has taken place. That way, a married couple can love each other more than an engaged couple. It's to a whole other level. It's not to minimize the love before marriage, but now it's a fulfilled love. It has a promise, an obligation, a life followed, and a unique intimacy given only to marriage. Marriage is a lifelong bond of love. So as we think of what the man is called to as one who is to love like Christ, first and foremost in that is that he is to be faithful to his wife, and faithful to that commitment to his wife. His love is to reflect Christ's love for the church. Three times that relationship is mentioned in verse 23, verse 25, and verse 29 of our text. It continues to place Christ and His love for the church. One practical way that this is seen is in the fact that the husband must sacrifice in order to serve. He must sacrifice in order to serve just as Christ did. The husband is called to give of himself. When we start to think about Jesus Christ and exactly what it was that Jesus Christ accomplished, this begins to be fleshed out. It gets legs. You can see what this looks like. Jesus Christ, the eternal God, came down from heaven in humility. It was not for his own glory, but for the good of his bride that he come down from heaven. He suffered persecution for the bride. He was mocked. He was mistreated. His words were twisted. All for his bride. This is what Jesus did in life. When we start to see the words used in our text, how much more does this move us to thankfulness? And we know Christ carried that through to death. to resurrection, to ascension. Christ, in verse 26, made her holy. It says He cleansed her with water through the word. It's likely a reference to baptism, but the import of baptism there is identity. When someone's baptized, they're identified with Christ. He gives them a name, a position, a calling, an identity He gives to them. He presents her to Himself as one beautifully arrayed, like a bride on her wedding day. Beautifully arrayed because He paid for the wedding dress. She's beautiful because He made her beautiful. Her glorious white robes or white gown of a wedding dress are the righteousness of Jesus Christ. He beautified her. She couldn't have been more beautiful because she's found in Christ. He presents her to himself, a glorious bride. I knew of a pastor one time, he told me about a man in his congregation who, he was a man always doting on his wife, loved his wife, cared for his wife, and he comes to the pastor one day and says, Pastor, I think I actually love my wife too much. The pastor said, Really? Do you love your wife more than Christ loved the church? Thought about it, and he said, well, no, not that much. But it's like, OK. Go and do likewise. Read Ephesians 5, 25, and love your wife. A man who loves his wife in this biblical way will sacrifice for her. He will cherish her and love her. Granted, we are sinners. But the calling in our text is for the God-pleasing marriage. This is the picture given out for us. You men will not be as faithful and cherishing, as faithful and loving as Jesus Christ was for His church. But this is what is placed before you. This is the goal. This is where you must walk. This is the direction you are heading. Jesus Christ loves His bride, the church. Men, though you will never be as faithful as Christ, this doesn't mean you don't strive for it. You are to love your wife. When verse 22 says that a wife is to submit to her husband, she is to submit to a lover. Not an ogre. A lover. This relationship goes both ways. A man whose heart she trusts. A man who places her first. A man who is giving. who will pour out himself in service and love to her. The picture from Genesis 2 is that he is to leave his father and mother, he is to leave and to cleave, there's a lot in that word, to leave and to cleave unto his wife, to hold her. protect her, to love her. Colossians 3 verse 19 says, Husband, love your wives, do not be harsh with them. This love, commitment, affection, will show itself in very real and tangible ways as husband and as wife. In this way, A husband must not be passive. He must be active. He must lead in love and devotion to his wife and therefore to the Lord. Which we see secondly, the call to lead. The calling of a Christian husband to lead is both responsibility and a privilege. The Lord gives to this man a beautiful woman. There's much that can be said about the Lord Jesus Christ's work in verses 26 and 27. Let's look there a moment. "...to make her holy, cleansing her by the..." You could probably have a sermon on each of these phrases. "...to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." But what it comes down to, if I can summarize those verses, is that Jesus is caring for, nurturing, saving, giving an identity to, and making his bride more beautiful. Likewise, not in a saving way, but yet in a very spiritual and a very real way, husbands are called to do the same. The husband is to nurture his wife. He is to cherish her and to hold her, to give her opportunities to flourish, to use her gifts and abilities, to encourage her in that. Think of a child. Imagine if a child comes to the parent and the child says, hey dad, I have a great idea. How about we fill in the blank? And each time the child says that, dad says, no, that's a dumb idea. Sorry, another dumb idea. What's going to happen to the child? Their spirit will be squashed. Their spirit will be squashed. Men sometimes sinfully do the same things to their wives. The wife should feel so comfortable around her husband, so upheld by her husband, that she will flourish as a Christian woman using your gifts, using your ideas, using your abilities to the glory of God's name. There's an aspect there of protection. It's a very important word for marriage. Not merely because the husband is physically stronger, sometimes that might not even be the case. But because God calls him to do this with the help of God, to be the protector of his wife, in a very biblically masculine way, you are to be the protector of your wife. The husband should treat his wife in such a way that she desires to be around him. From a physical and appearance perspective, a husband must make sure his wife is beautiful in his eyes. to continue to grow in love. Some husbands are better at expressing this than others, but these things must be said. The wife must be told that she's beautiful, cherished by her husband. We must not fall into the trap, the joke about the Dutchman. The Dutchman has said to his friend, my wife is so beautiful, I almost told her one time. Don't do that. Tell her, she must feel protected, she must feel secured by her husband. There's a reason why Deuteronomy 24 verse 5 forbids a man from going to war or having a burden laid on him in the first year of marriage. Deuteronomy 24 forbids that. Don't send a man to war in his first year. Don't put a burden on him in his first year. The reason why is so that he is, quote, free to stay at home and bring happiness to the wife he has married. To bring happiness. The intimate aspect of a man's leadership is that he must be attentive to the needs of his wife. Marriage takes two people. Have you ever tried to have a conversation by yourself? It's not a dialogue. It's not real communication. It takes two. Problems in marriage arise when hurts are left unsaid. Problems will arise. You talk about them. When one spouse tunes out the other. When sin breaks that beautiful bond of marriage. There's healing that can take place. But it won't happen automatically. Marriage And the beauty of the marriage relationship is something that must be nurtured, it must be grown, it must be worked on. Another aspect of this protection is the biblical jealousy the husband has for his wife. And I mean jealousy in the way that the law says that our God is a jealous God. People often misunderstand that. What it means that God is a jealous God is that He expects undivided love from His people. God is jealous so He doesn't want you to love Him and money. He doesn't want you to love Him and the world, but Him first foremost. And so a husband must in that way be a jealous man, jealous for the love of his wife. That has implications for both. He only has one wife. He only has one woman before his eyes, and likewise for her. The husband must be, she's your wife. She's your wife, to be enjoyed by you. When she is in public, she's still your wife. Now, that doesn't mean that you must tell her and expect that she dresses frumpy and she goes out looking as unattractive as she possibly can. No. She may dress stylish, classy, whatever. She should. But she's also not to dress for the pleasure of other men. She's your wife. Husband and wife belong to each other. And this involves their bodies as well. Look at verse 28. And this way husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. And the two coming together, after all, no one ever hated his own body. He feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church. And so men, protect your wives in this way. Love your wife in such a way that she will not seek fulfillment in another man. That she will not have the desire to be the object of another man's lust. That's one way that women lust, and a different way that men do. So if they look at a man and desire to be with him, they want other men to look at them and desire to be with her. Husbands, you have a role in this. Turn in your Bibles to Proverbs chapter 5. And this gets at things like lust and envy and looking over the fence and saying, hey, that's a nice looking woman over there. That's a beautiful wife. Scripture's focus is upon your wife. That's who you should be concerned about at this point. Look at Proverbs chapter 5 verse 15. Drink water from your own cistern. That refers to marriage. husband, wife only, running water from your own well. Should your springs overflow in the streets, your streams of water in the public squares, let them be yours alone, never to be shared with strangers. May your fountain be blessed. May you rejoice in the wife of your youth, a loving doe, a graceful deer. May her breasts satisfy you always. May you ever be captivated by her love. Are you captivated by your wife's love when she's 25 years old? How about when she's 75 years old? Are you captivated by your wife's love? God's given her to you to nurture, to love, to cherish. Another aspect of this protection is spiritual protection. What we see in the scriptures in the very first sin is a man who's passive. If you want to turn over to Genesis 3, you may. Genesis 3, we see the fall into sin. We looked at this a couple weeks ago. We could argue on the technicality of what is actually the first sin, but I have heard it argued. I may have done it myself at one point. The first sin is man's sin in verse 6. When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. And she also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it." What was he doing? What was Adam up to as his wife is conspiring with the evil one, being seduced, by the serpent, watching his wife, is what the picture of Scripture kind of gives. Oh, here honey, would you like to try this as well? He was with her. What should he have done? He should have intervened. And he should have said, no. No, Eve, we must not listen to the snake. We must listen to God. Remember, wife, what God said. But he didn't say that. Instead, what did we see him do? He was with her and he ate. And they learned for the first time what shame was. They were naked before, they had no shame. And now, in fact, it only says that they're naked after they sin. And now, the scripture says they were opened, their eyes were opened and they saw that they were naked. Actually, I take that back, it does say they were naked before. After they sinned, their eyes became open and then they realized that they were naked. And they made coverings for themselves in verse 7. Why? Why would they make coverings for themselves? Who else was there? No one. Who could see them? No one. They're still married, right? What happened? Something became broken in terms of our body, intimacy, and sexuality after the fall, even between a husband and wife when they're alone together. There's a problem. This is the nature of sin, shame, and sexuality. Shame actually becomes a way to recognize that we are in sin. But even today, that's being thrown away. The shame of nakedness is being thrown away. Women, in the name of freedom, reveal more and more. When we think about the rise of what's going on in the Middle East and the whole-handed denunciation of what's going on in the West, much of what they're referring to is scandalous, provocatively dressed women. Not just that they don't have their head covered, it's that they don't have very much covered at all. But why is that the case? because women are allowed to be free. And then they get upset when they're treated as objects. That's wrong. It's wrong they're treated as objects, obviously. But many dress like objects, selling themselves to the thrill of getting checked out, so that men will check them out, will look at them and desire them. What happened in the rest of Genesis 3? And we see the next thing taking place is the same thing that's been taking place ever since. Blame shifting. Blame shifting. The man blames the woman, the woman blames the serpent, and God curses them all. The man stood passively by, and ever since then, the danger is for the man to be passive. To let the wife lead. To let someone else take responsibility. We must be godly leaders, men, husbands, and we must be protectors. Because men, our wives, our daughters, are under attack today. The whole world around them is telling them to be something contrary to the Scriptures. The whole world And it always seems like it gets worse, I'm not sure if it does, but the whole world now with social media, with Facebook and Twitter and Snapchat, girls are pressured into giving in to whatever young men desire. How can we respond to this? Is the searching tide the wave just too much? We just have to give in. No. No. We do not give in. We stand firm. We stand fast. Today and tomorrow, when we teach our sons, first of all, we teach our sons to respect women. We teach our sons about chastity, about the gift of marriage as a way to deal with their physical desires. Second, for our daughters, and maybe wives, make it clear to them that their worth does not, and their worth as a woman cannot, come about from others. Their worth must come from God through Jesus Christ. Teach your daughters that a man's love will waver, that shall the Lord someday call them to marriage, they will marry a sinner. But a selfish man is really just a boy who hasn't grown up. But not God's love. God's love does not waver. God's love is unconditional. And though we sin, God is faithful. Teach your daughters that their beauty, and tell them they are beautiful, that their beauty is not found because it conforms to some arbitrary standard of the day, but their beauty begins in their heart. We want daughters with beautiful hearts, because when the heart is beautiful, the rest becomes beautiful. Charm is deceitful and beauty is fading, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. Mothers must teach their daughters these things, but fathers as well. Your daughter is going to look to you for acceptance. Your daughter is going to look for you for care, for love. Your daughter is going to look for a husband someday that is kind of like their dad. Make them choose the right one, a godly one. Another area the man is to show sacrificial leadership is in parenting. In this way, men must let their wives have children. When we get to chapter six, we'll spend some time on this subject, but a husband must permit his wife to flourish in the home and in the covenantal care and nurture of these children. He also needs to clearly communicate with her on her emotional and physical needs in terms of family planning. There's wisdom here. There's discretion here. What's true in that family may not be true in that family. Maybe it isn't the wisest and God-glorifying decision for a particular family to have 14 children. But for another, it may be. It may be. A wife's emotional, spiritual, physical abilities have to be taken into account. But this is a communication, this is marriage, decision-making together. The last aspect of a husband's leadership, we find in Christ's work of caring, of cleaning, of protecting the church in verses 26 and 27, and it involves worship. worship. The very fundamental thing of existence as human beings is worship. If you're human, you're a worshiper. It's your responsibility, man. It's your responsibility, husband, not only primarily to make sure that the family is faithfully attending worship, that's true, It's your responsibility as husband, as head of that home, that your family is faithfully sitting under the preaching of God's word in the place God calls you. When someone plants a garden, it's the gardener's responsibility to water the garden, to fertilize the garden, to till the soil, to keep the rabbits and other predators out of the garden, so at the end of the season you may receive and harvest those things that have been growing in the garden. So, too, a husband must ensure his family is centered upon the very Word of God. He must take them to the places that they will grow, namely, worship. The husband must ensure that the family is worshiping God. And therefore, not only on Sunday, but every single day of the week, family worship should be taking place. When the family goes on the vacation, they ought to be in worship. To be a godly husband in the home is to be the sacrificial leader of the home. It's hard work. It's sometimes difficult work. It may, depending on the situation, be sometimes thankless work. But you work for the Lord, not for man. To be a godly husband is to serve the Lord. He must sacrifice his own time, his own energy, maybe even his own hobbies for the sake of his family that God has given to him. What is it, men, that your wives and your children desire the most? You know what it is they desire the most? Not a better vacation, Not a couple more days at Disney World. Not the biggest house. What they need, and frankly what they want, is you. They want you to be there. To be home. Not just present. I'm home every night. And I play video games every night. Or I'm home every night. I read the newspaper for the first three hours and then I watch TV for two hours. Not just physically there, but physically there, emotionally there, spiritually there, spending time with them, focusing upon them. You're tired after a long day of work, yes. Life is tiring. Thank God that you have a Lord's day to rest. They need you, men. Checked in, not checked out when you get home, but they need you. We're busy. If you're an office bearer, you might think, okay, I got a couple nights a week that you're gone. Okay. When you're home, be home. Actively home. It is of utmost importance to recognize the importance of the calling to be a godly husband. Our text gives us the example of Christ. And we men realize that we will not measure up to that standard. Not the godliest husband in this room will measure up to the standard of Jesus Christ. So then what should we do? Well, you look for strength for the one who did give himself wholly, fully, and completely for his bride. Follow the one who presents his bride to himself without blemish, wholly and blameless. Look to the Lord Jesus Christ, and as you do, through repentance and faith, may the Lord bless our homes, that they may be sanctuaries of grace, of love, and of care. God has given to us a tremendous calling, but he also gives us the grace to fill this calling. Amen.