Okay, so let me introduce for purposes of the recording. My name is Eleanor Mann. We have been working our way through Titus 2 verses 3 through 5, which start out saying, which starts out saying, the older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips, nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good. And we have talked about all of these things individually so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible. And last week we talked about what purity looks like for the married woman. Today, we're going to talk about what it means to be workers at home. So let's proceed. I've got the recorder going, so I wanted to mention real quickly, when I give examples, especially of my own family, and knowing that this is recorded and is going to be posted online, I used very general terms. I try not to identify people by name. Some of it is just not to cause embarrassment to my children, but some of it too is because even when it's a positive example, I just feel better if I don't mention names specifically. So that, especially when I have not particularly asked that person for permission to mention them on the tape, I feel like it's just better to be discreet. So there are specific people who have gone through these examples that I described to you, I am just not mentioning the specific names. Okay, and that's why. Jenny, I see that you've joined us. Welcome. We are glad for you to be a part of this today. So let's talk. Okay, good. First of all, Let us talk about what it means in terms of what the words mean, workers at home. And I looked in several different translations and also in the original Greek. So in the The description at the very top, workers at home, is from the New American Standard. The first version listed on the left is to be busy at home. It's from the NIV. The New King James and the Holdman talk about homemakers. The ESV talks about working at home. The Old King James talks about being keepers at home. The Amplified Version talks about being makers of a home where God is honored. And let me mention here that the Amplified Version is not a word-for-word translation. It is a translation where they take the original words and expand them a little bit in order to add to the meaning. So it is, to me, a helpful translation when I'm trying to kind of flesh out what the Bible is talking about, but it's not a good translation for a word study because the words are not specifically translated. It's more of the general idea. So it's helpful but it doesn't take the place of your regular translation. But I do like the way it says here, the makers of a home where God is honored. I like that description. Then when we go to the Greek, in the Greek, the literal translation means again, workers at home, or an alternate version is watching or keeping the home. So really, all of these different translations are basically saying the same thing, that we're talking about women who are working at home in order to build a home. And so that's what we're going to be talking about today specifically, is what does it mean to build a home? Not just keep a home. but to build a home. And as we're talking about this, let me, oh, and these notes as well as two other handouts were emailed to you today. So if you, for some reason, did not get them, let me know, make sure I have your email address. And we'll make sure you get them. But you'll see them up on the screen. But you also should have them in your email inbox. So let me turn on screen sharing. And let me pop up. I tell you, Zoom is a wonderful thing. But I also have to, OK. If I cannot pull this down, then we'll just do without it. Okay. Because you do have the notes. Okay. Okay. So, um... Rats. Ratso, I really wanted to get to share this with you. But... If I can't, then I don't want to spend a lot of time with it. Okay, so let's, I will just talk to you about the ideas and then like I said, you should have a copy of the actual sheet in your email section. But what we're talking about here, let me go back to the original note, what we are talking about here is what it means to build a home. And Proverbs describes this. Proverbs 14.1 says, the wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. The whole concept of home building is biblical. We talk about housekeeping, and that has to do with more daily tasks of keeping the home clean and functional, dusting, washing dishes, those kinds of things. And then we talk about homemaking, which does incorporate the idea of atmosphere, that habitually creating an atmosphere at home conducive to rest, fellowship, love, learning, and security. But then, We carry that a step further when we talk about home building, because now we're saying that is a long term life work of helping a man, creating and nurturing a family, earning a reputation, blessing the local church and the community, strengthening the nation and thus influencing the world. So home building is a high calling. It is not something It is not something small. This is something requiring a lot of dedication and work and time, but it is a building project that is going to actually result in influencing the world because of the way God uses our influence on the people we come into contact with and in our children's lives. Like I've said before, Your children are the most important disciples you will ever make. So discipling your children is no small task and no small responsibility, but it is something which God has given us to fulfill. It is a treasure that he has entrusted to us. So that's a part of this home building. Proverbs 24 verses three and four. By wisdom, a house is built and by understanding it is established. and by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches." So we're not just talking here about when we talk about workers at home. We are not just talking about kind of a mindless taking care of the dirt and the dust. But we are talking about creating something which is going to last and to have a lasting influence. So it is really a It is an important task that God has entrusted to us. So the next question then is how do we build this kind of home? Agnes, I saw your note in the chat room. We will continue to pray. Bless your heart. God's in control. So how do we build this kind of home? Well, the first way is by creating an atmosphere of welcome and refuge. Proverbs 18, 10. Let me ask you, Pat, can you read that for us, please? Do you mind reading? Okay. Okay. The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous runs into it and is safe. So that's this idea of a refuge. When you are building a home, you are building a refuge for your family. That's based on the Lord because his name is our strong tower, but our home, is the place where everyone in your family can be safe. Your home is not for the purpose of impressing other people. So the way we decorate, the way we welcome people into our home, and especially the way we treat our family and the refuge that we build for our family, that's what creates this atmosphere that God wants us to have. I was speaking on the phone yesterday with one of my granddaughters who is in a new school this year. They've been in school about two weeks now. Yesterday was her birthday, so we called her to wish her a happy birthday. And we asked her, you know, how was your day at school today? And she kind of shared a little bit. Evidently, she had a pretty hard day at school. It is hard to be new in a new school, to not know anybody, to be building new relationships with kids. She's 12, so she's in a kind of a difficult age anyhow. But, you know, she lives in a home that is a refuge. When she comes home from school, she can talk to her parents. She can tell them what's going on. She knows they are on her side, and they will support her. There have been instances where they needed to step in in the past years, and they've done that to help her. So her home is definitely a refuge for her, and that's what we want to do with our children and for our husbands. Your husband has to go past a lot of restaurants and bars and maybe billboards that could be attempting to keep him from coming directly home, give him alternative places to go and ways to spend his time. And he bypasses all of that when he knows he has a home that is a refuge, a safe place. So let's make sure we're doing that for our families. We are making our homes a refuge. Proverbs 17.1. Chioma, can you read today? No one has told me that they can read, so I will just ask some of you. Oh good, Lana, you say you can. I take that back. So I'll call on you. But if you can't, it's okay for you to just say I can't read. No problem. So Proverbs 17.1, Chioma. Better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting strife. This is quite a, that's okay. Let's just read the verse and then we'll talk about it. Thank you. Um, it's quite a contrast between these two examples, isn't it? A dry morsel, but quietness and then a house full of feasting. with strife. And scripture says that the dry morsel and quietness is better. It's a better choice. It's a better atmosphere. It's better for the family. So the value of a home is not based on its size or its furnishings. John and I, about eight years ago, we moved out of our large family home into a home that is half the size. We moved to be closer to our son, at his request and we just realized we didn't need the same size family as we did when we had four children, I mean the same size home as we did when we had four children. So for me it was a very good move and it was a real blessing. But I had several people comment to me now, don't you know this is your retirement home, you need to be in a good sized home, why are you moving into a smaller home when you were here facing your retirement years. But our assessment is that we were moving to a home that was what we could handle and what we needed. So the value of a home is not based on its size or its furnishings. The value of a home is based on the atmosphere that's within it. And scripture says, better is a dry morsel and quietness with it than a house full of feasting with strife. Proverbs 21.9. Let's see, Thelma, can you read? Oh no, Lana, let me ask you, because you volunteered. Proverbs 21.9. Proverbs 21.9, it is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Ladies, this verse always gets me. Always. You know, the houses in the Middle East during the time when the Bible was being, that it's describing in this verse, had flat roofs. So when you're talking about a corner of a roof, you're talking about a flat roof with someone living in a corner of that with no cover over them, just exposed to the wind and the rain and the sand and any other element, any other weather that's going on, the heat. rather than in a house shared with a contentious woman, that she made that home so miserable that her family considered it better to go live on the roof than to live in the house with her. I do not want my home to be like that. I don't want to be that kind of woman. And sometimes we can slip into habits without realizing that's what we're doing. I looked up the word contentious in the dictionary and it says it's exhibiting an often perverse and wearisome tendency to quarrels and disputes. So I asked myself, what kind of atmosphere is in my home? Is it a battleground or a place of refuge? Is it a strong tower, a safe place, or is it a place of strife? Is it a place of peace and quiet, or it is a place of contention? In every marriage there are disagreements. There are two different people from two different backgrounds seeing things different ways and working through situations differently. So there will always be times when you and your husband see things from a different angle or perspective. So having a disagreement and talking through it is not a problem. The goal is never to have disagreements. But the goal is not to pick a fight over everything. The goal is to work your way through disagreements and communicate with each other and figure out how you're going to handle different situations. And so that's the goal. That's the goal. So we're talking about atmosphere. And we're talking about how do we achieve building a home. So the first area would be creating this atmosphere of welcome and refuge. Then the second thing we can do is to make our home a priority. And you read this and you think, well, of course my home is a priority. But we have to think through on the logistics of actually putting that into place in terms of our choices and the way we live our daily lives. Proverbs 31, 27. Thelma, can you read this, please? Or do you need to be quiet? Yes, I can. Okay, great. Proverbs 21, 37. Let me just look at it. Sorry. It's on the screen or you can look in your Bible, either way. Okay. Proverbs 21, verse 37. Did you say Proverbs 21, 37? No, it should be 31, 27. Okay. 31, 27. Yes, it says she carefully watches all that goes on in her household and does not have to bear the consequences of laziness. Ah, okay, good. So we are talking here in terms of the home being a priority. She is taking good care of her household. She is looking well to the ways of her household. She is not being idle, but she is taking care of business. and she's giving it her time and her attention. So she is making her home a priority. Let's talk a minute about house help, because many of you are living in countries where that is very common. Here in the US, it is very expensive to hire someone to help clean your house. My husband has worked into our budget that we can have a lady come to clean every other week for about two and a half hours in one day. And that is a huge help to me. It enables me to work for him in the office and it just lifts a load for me. But in a lot of countries, it is very common to have someone who helps every day with the care of the home. It might be a relative who is living with you in exchange for room and board while they are pursuing their studies or moving into the city, maybe a new job or just a different location. They help with taking care of the house in exchange for being able to live with you and just be able to be with your family for room and board. But I would encourage you to use house help to help with the physical care of the house, but let it be under your training and supervision. In other words, teach them what you want them to do in terms of taking care of your house, and then supervise what you are doing. It is your home, and it is ultimately your responsibility for the care it receives. I would not use house help to train your children. That's your responsibility as their mother. You decide what their duties are going to be. And you can talk with your husband about this, but a lot of times the care of the home is something that the wife handles. The husband's given her that responsibility. Make sure that your children are treating your house help with courtesy and respect, not demanding that they do things for them, but asking them politely. So there is nothing wrong with having house help. Like I said, in the US, it is very expensive. So we have to be careful with that. But even in my home, when the ladies come to clean, I showed them what I wanted them to do. And my husband loves coffee and is very particular about his coffee preparation area. So I showed them how he wanted it cleaned and what he wanted it to look like. And then I supervise their work. not in a cruel way, but just in a way that ensures that things are getting done the way I want them done. It's my responsibility to do that. So use house help and enjoy the blessing of having people to help you in your home. And I know of several women who have actually ministered to their household. They've led them to the Lord. They have taught them to read and write. They've helped them to learn computer skills, even helped them to get a better job and head into a career. These are single women, but, you know, enjoy your household and, but make sure that you are the one in charge of training your children and that you just are the one in charge. Let them do the physical duties of taking care of the house. That is a blessing. The other issue here with looking well to your household is working outside of the home. Again, working outside of the home is not wrong, but it should be done the right way because the home still needs to stay a priority. It should be done with your husband's agreement, in other words, talk with him ahead of time before you accept a job and decide what your reasoning is for working outside the home. And do it because income is needed for your family. My father died when I was young and my mother had to go to work to support us. When my youngest child was in school full time, we realized that we had some large expenses coming up with university for the older ones and some medical expenses. And we decided that I would go back to work as a teacher. I had not worked outside the home while my children were little. And we just figured out how to live on one income. But we decided that, and John supported me in it very much. It was actually his idea that he actually got my first job for me because we needed that extra income. However, family stayed priority over my career. If one of my children were sick, I took a sick day and stayed home with them. After all of our children were in university, the two oldest were graduated and married and were working, I was the head of my department in my school, but John was offered the opportunity to spend a year in Russia replacing a missionary who was going back to the U.S. on furlough. And we talked about it. He said, well, I don't want to do this if you are not able to come with me, but I think God may be providing this opportunity for it. And so we prayed about it and I decided to quit my job and to go with him to Russia and have never looked back. I was glad to do that. But part of why I could do that is because in my mind, family and specifically my Specifically, my husband was very much a priority over my career. I turned down job offers to move to another school that would have offered more money, but it was longer hours and a greater distance from my home. So my principal was not always, the director of the school was not always happy, but he did respect my decisions. And he understood that while I was at school, I would do the very best job I could, but that my family was priority over my career. So that is the key to being able to work outside the home successfully and still keep your family a priority. And really what you are doing is you are not exchanging one job for another. You are adding to your household and family responsibilities by the the time you are working outside the home in order to provide extra income. And when I say extra income, this was to meet specific needs. It was not to provide more income so that we could buy more things. And actually, we banked my salary so that put it into savings so that we could use it for these other priorities and not become too comfortable with living with that extra income. Be careful with time commitments to church, extended family, or other activities because they can end up being equal to having a job. I knew some ladies who were very committed to their church, very active in their church, but they were up at the church for five or six hours every day and their children ran wild. So even though it was considered a volunteer activity, they were working. They were just working at church as a volunteer instead of at a paying job. So I'm not saying that you shouldn't do those things. I'm just saying be mindful that they do not interfere with the priority of keeping your home and your family in top place. Okay. So let's talk. We're continuing to talk about making home a priority. Proverbs 7, 11. Kedi, can you read that please? Okay. Proverbs 7, 11. She is boisterous and rebellious. Her feet do not remain at home. So this is actually in the passage it's from, it's actually describing an immoral woman who is not the role model we want to follow anyhow. But it is a good comment and a good, I think, a good directive for us in the way we order our days. Try to consolidate errands so that you can have at least one day a week at home for home projects. Anything that you need to take care of at home that you haven't been able to with a regular schedule, whether it's a cleaning project or something you need to finish up in terms of maybe hemming curtains or doing something your husband's asked you to do. It really made a difference. My children were small. For them to have a quiet day at home, to have their meals at the regular times, to have their nap times at the regular times. Once I started practicing this, and not just trying to complete my errands while I carted them around with me. It really made a difference in their behavior and just in the atmosphere and the peacefulness of our home. Plan always to be at home for dinner and prepare it the way your husband prefers. I have a good friend in an African country who frequently prepares a special meal for her husband that is food from his hometown and from his tribe. It requires special ingredients that she purchases It requires special preparation that takes almost a whole day. But when he comes in the door and smells the food that she has prepared specifically for him, his face just lights up. I've seen it happen. So make sure with the other activities you're involved in that you have time to prepare dinner for your family and to be there together. I would really encourage you not to commit to meetings or activities that are gonna take you away from home for the dinner hour. And having a note on the microwave that says your dinner is in the refrigerator for you to reheat, that is not making your home a priority. So plan to always be at home too for homework time and bedtime with your children. We have four children, it took about an hour for us to finish with bedtime with them. By the time we did a little reading with them and prayed with them and got them all settled in bed, it was pretty much an hour. Sometimes we'd do it all together. Sometimes John would take the two oldest and I would take the two youngest. But we just had that time set aside. We didn't plan Bible studies for during that time. We had that time dedicated to being with our children and helping with homework is the same thing. Making sure that we are on top of how they're doing in school and that we are checking their work and that we just know what's going on with them and are available to help if they need it. Try to be home at evenings. Now, usually one night a week was, as John and I talked about it, was acceptable for me to be gone from the home. I serve, and actually I still practice that. I serve on a leadership, women's leadership team at the church, and we have an evening meeting about once every other month. And so, On the weeks that I have that meeting to go to, I make sure that John's dinner is prepared for him and that I go to that meeting, but then I don't plan anything else in the evening for the rest of that week. And when we were doing college ministry, university ministry, I planned to be at home. evenings. He would be gone one evening a week to do evangelism on campus and then we would have Bible studies in our home so that I could take care of the children and then once they were asleep I could join the Bible study or do something else but we would be there in the same place and I was available to help if he needed it. Evening is also your planning and prep time. Planning together planning meals, planning and preparing for the week ahead. So plan to be at home, if at all possible, evenings for dinner, for homework and bedtime, for the evenings, and then for family events. We had one night a week, we had a game night with our children. One game, all playing together, the oldest to the youngest. And sometimes the youngest would sit in her daddy's lap and he would tell her, which card to play. So we played Uno, which is a good educational game which teaches colors and numbers, but it also teaches strategy and thinking, problem solving. It's just an all around good family game. So we played that game and we had that focus time with the children one night a week. So however you want to spend time with your children, Make sure that you are available for that. Make sure that you are celebrating special events for them. If they have any kind of a school event or something at church, make sure you are there to be a part of it. See, what we are talking about is making the home a priority. That's all ways that you do this. And if you are working outside the home, then you don't take away from these things you were just adding them to what you were doing already with your job and you figure out a way to make it work. I knew a lady in another country who felt like she spent all day with her children and so several nights a week she would go out in the evening with some of her friends to a restaurant and they would eat dinner together and visit. She felt like that was her me time. and felt justified because of the fact that she stayed home with her children always during the day. But her children suffered and she was missing out on a lot by missing that evening time, both with her husband and with her children. So it's just something for us to think about and to be careful with. And when we talk about these things, we're talking about as a rule, there will be weeks when this is not what your schedule looks like. So if that is the exception rather than the norm, that's going to be a problem. But it's easy for busyness to creep into our lives to the point where we realize that our priorities have shifted. And that's what we don't want to happen. Because like we've been talking about, we are building a home. We are building a family. And that is something that requires a lot of focused attention work. Proverbs 31 12 says she does him good and not evil all the days of her life. So she is the wife here is not just not being evil towards her husband. She is not just refraining from being contentious or ignoring him or doing something that would be bad. She actually does him good. She is looking for what she can do for him. And the implication here is that she is looking for ways to do good things for him. So that's the second aspect of building a home. We've talked about an atmosphere of refuge and welcome. We've talked about making the home a priority. The third area would be just hard work. Proverbs 31, 15, who can read this for us? Let's see. I know some of you have little children. Oh, Temitope, how are you? Welcome. Can you read for us? I'm fine. Good evening, ma'am. Can you read for us, or do you have too much going on at your house? Yes, yes. It's noisy here. Okay, then we will give you an excuse. Lady, how about you? Okay, great. Can you read Proverbs 31 to 15, please? Okay. She rises also while it is still night and gives food to her household and cushions to her maiden. Okay, great. So the lady that it's describing in this verse is very industrious because it is still night while she gets out of bed. And she is working to, uh, give food to her household and portions. The, the word portion here literally means prescribed tasks. So she is figuring out what she wants her household to do for that day. And she is preparing food and making sure she has what she needs. So she is working hard. She is not lazy. She is looking to take care of her family in a good way. And you know, let me mention here that as your children grow and get older, it is very important to teach them the value of hard work. And one way to do that is with chores. You are teaching them responsibility when you teach them that. teaching them how to take care of basic tasks like making the beds, sweeping the floor, doing the dishes, just whatever household tasks like that project forward them living on their own someday. What are things that would be helpful for them to be able to do? So if you don't have maidens, you can still give out portions of tasks to your children if you have trained them in how to do that. My daughter-in-law had pretty extensive knee surgery this spring where she had to stay off of her leg for a while, but she had trained her children how to do different tasks around the house, even including cooking, where she could put up a chart that gave them each responsibilities for the week. She has three children. They are age 12, 14, and 16. So they are older. But they had those tasks, some for each day and then some that needed to be done by the end of the week. they were able to carry on their household schedule in pretty much a normal way, even though she was off of her feet for that particular time. So it is possible to teach your children so that they are able to do things to help take care of the house, which is a real blessing to them, teaching them the value of hard work. And it is also a blessing to you and lifts your load. But again, teaching and training them is work. You don't just turn them loose with a task. You need to show them how to do it and what, you need to show them what is wrong, how they can correct it, do it with them, observe them doing it so that you know they understand and know how to do it. And then you can turn them loose and give them a task and they will know what to do. Proverbs 31 verses 13 through 31. I don't have this whole passage written out here, but these are things that it describes the godly woman doing in this passage. She works with her hands to make things for her home. She shops for her family's food. She engages in real estate. She takes care of herself physically. She helps the poor. She cares for her family's clothing needs. She's a businesswoman. She sells what she makes. She supports her husband, contributes to his good reputation. She cares for her family. She has good relationships with her husband and children because it says they bless her. Now, when I was a young wife and I was in a Bible study where they studied this passage, when I read these things, I felt like crying. I thought, there is no way I can do all of these things. I am struggling just to keep my head above water. But you know, I realized that these were a lifetime of achievements. They are not all things that happen daily. But they were indicative of how she lived her life and the priority she gave to building her home so that these were a part of her life. Because when I've been married 48 years, And when I look back to when we first started out, at some point in my life, I've been involved in each of these things, not all at the same time. And I haven't sold real estate, but I've helped to buy or to check out where we were going to live, whether it was renting or buying a home. So we're talking here about not necessarily doing all of this at once, but we're talking about these being the kinds of things that we are working at in order to build our home, to give it a priority, to create an atmosphere of welcome and refuge, and to just work hard to create the kind of home that honors God, which is what we are talking about here. So let me mention, in closing, and then we'll open up to questions and I'll turn the recorder off. Some of you are in a season of life where you are not in what I would call a, you're in a different season of life. Let's say you have a new baby or let's say like Agnes, you're waiting for your second baby to be born or your first baby. You are not going to have the physical capacity to do all of these things and take care of yourself, your baby, your unborn baby. So don't feel like you are being burdened with something that you are not able to do. Because that's not the point of all this. We need to understand what the Bible says, and then we ask God to help apply it to our life where we are right now. So if you were in a situation where you were taking care of a newborn, for instance, you were spending all of your day looking after the needs of your child. One of my children wanted to eat every two hours. So every two hours I was feeding her and then rocking her to sleep. And that was pretty much my day. In addition to that, to get dinner made, a lot of the house cleaning. I was not keeping up the house like I would really like to, but it was just all that we could do at the moment. We were basically in survival mode. So if you were in that situation, or if you've just moved into a new home, or if you've just returned from a trip, or if you are dealing with a child with special needs, or if you're dealing with an extended illness in your family. When my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer, John and I talked and he said, I will take care of the kids, you go help take care of her. So for a week, I went to stay with her and help take care of her needs while we were evaluating her situation. that was not neglecting my home priorities. It was working with my husband in order to just take care of a crisis that was going on in our family. So I hope that makes sense. I don't want you to feel burdened, but at the same time, in this day and age, we can just get so busy that we lose sight of what we are doing. And in this day and age, the world can give the message that if you are busy at home, that that is somehow second rate, that it is not as important as something else you could be doing. So don't listen to that. According to scripture, it is a privilege and an honor and honoring to God to be given the responsibility of caring for our home. And that is something that we want to excel at just as much as we excel at other areas that we've talked about in this Titus 2 study. So let me turn that down. Okay, I am going to turn the recorder off.