How many of you today had an opportunity to exercise forgiveness in your heart towards someone? Am I the only one? I am the only one today. Okay, every day. Alright, so Chelsea's the only honest one in here other than me? Seriously, how many of you in your heart said today, I'm just gonna forgive that person. I'm just gonna not deal with that. Anyone? Okay, good. Yeah, it's a thing that happens often. I think it happens far more often than I think we're prepared to say, especially in a group like this. I wasn't gonna ask what was it about, all right? I wasn't gonna quite do that, but this is a topic that, I think it's very good for us to try to grapple with. Here we are trying to live the Christian life, a life that is on every level of life, every layer of life. There's this thing called sin, and there's this thing called the fall and the curse. All right, and every aspect of life has that, common thread that faces us all the time in our minds, how we think, in our emotions, how we feel, and then in our decisions that we make. It affects it all the time. And so the need for forgiveness. I read several weeks back about a situation that some of you will remember that happened in Charleston, South Carolina in 20, it's 2015 now. A fellow by the name of Dylan Roof, does that sound familiar? Walked into a Wednesday night prayer meeting, Bible study in Charleston, South Carolina, and shot up several people. And it was tragic. And there were two causes for shock in that whole scene. Dylann Roof's heinous act was an obvious shock that shocked the world. But the other was the presence of forgiveness in the courtroom scene. Within days of the murders, A lady by the name of Nadine Collier looked into the face of her mother's killer at Ruth's bond hearing and said through tears, quote, you took something very precious away from me. I will never talk to her again. I will never be able to hold her again, but I forgive you and have mercy on your soul. And I just remember it resonated. It was like a, it was like a rock going into a very still pond. The effects of it was huge. And in a world that I think has unending anger, an entire culture of canceling lives all around us that you have, you feel you have somehow, they have somehow in some way hurt you. Forgiveness is often lost as people try to muddle through pain. The first place they go to is not necessarily forgiveness. The first place they often go through is where? Vengeance, anger. And in a world full of pain, we often shut down very quickly, hoping that the pain will go away. So why does forgiveness always sound so difficult to grasp? Anyone who has been deeply wronged, And who doesn't that? Who hasn't? Knows this and it knows it viscerally. Do you know what I mean? Do you know what I mean by when I say viscerally? It just erupts out of you. Anyone who has been deeply wronged knows this. So forgiveness looks like an unscalable mountain. It has this If you've ever gone up a mountain, every time you look up, it seems like the mountain grows bigger and larger and larger and larger the closer that we get to the top. And anger, bitterness often cling to our souls, and so it's like this manufacturer of other sin that goes on. A fellow by the name of B.F. Westcott wrote this, quote, nothing superficially seems simpler or easier than forgiveness. Nothing, if we look deeply, is more mysterious or more difficult. And I think that's true. We try to make forgiveness easier by downplaying or even denying wrong done. But it never works, does it? We're only kidding ourselves. There's no way around the difficulty. C.S. Lewis said this, everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea until they have something to forgive. There's much truth there. There are many, many people who would call themselves Christians and yet struggle greatly with forgiveness. Bitterness and an unforgiving spirit is their world. And as weird as it may sound for some people, they have become comfortable with their discomfort. They live in a world that's very uncomfortable for them and so all they want to do is find some sort of comfort in the middle of their discomfort rather than deal with the true issue. And the most essential and most blessed yet most costly thing that God ever did for humanity was provide man the necessary forgiveness so that man could have a restored relationship with the Father. Of course, we all know that's the gospel. That's what Jesus himself did on our behalf. That's the gospel that many people want to lay aside and push aside because it deals with sin. We don't want to deal with sin in our world. Sin has a twofold effect. Sin, oh, you know what, I didn't print this out for you guys. Can you follow the, yeah, can you just follow the outline, all right? Because it's there, all right? If you have your outline, sin has a two-fold effect that only forgiveness confronts. One, sin damns men forever in eternal condemnation. That is a reality. Man dies unforgiven, He dies in eternal condemnation from the Father. And if that wasn't bad enough, two, sin robs us of the fullness of life that God intended that we have by burdening our souls with guilt and plaguing and surrounding the atmosphere of our lives, what I call with the residue of self-centeredness that clouds truth and destroys relationships. Many, many relationships are destroyed because of the lack of submission to the truth from God's Word. And forgiveness is right there in the middle of all that. Yeah, make sure if you guys didn't get a handout. Did everyone get one? Are they in the back there? Alright, good. Sin is unquestionably the major problem. So if you're going to deal with forgiveness, you must deal with sin. One head of a large hospital was quoted saying, and let me just say something, I really believe that what they're saying is true here. They said, I could dismiss half of my patients tomorrow if they could be assured of forgiveness. Forgiveness is man's deepest need, both now and in the future, for health and for heaven. Now, I don't know if this person was a true believer or not, but I say there is something too much of our mental illnesses that we're dealing with today is there's this unforgiving understanding. Granting forgiveness is a hard issue, but it is the mind or the truths from God's written word that must both direct the heart and enable the heart to forgive. The word forgive is a word that indicates a work of Christ in the heart. An early meaning in English was to give or to grant. And it was to grant this forgiveness. So to forgive means to remit a debt, to give up resentment or claim for requital. to pardon an offense, to give up the right to hold an offense to someone else. And so what it boils down to is forgiveness is a decision. It's an act of the will to release a person from the obligation that resulted when they injured you. And its meaning carries with it the idea that you are wealthy, And you then can give or you then can grant the debt. You can give up your claim for the offense that you have the means to pardon an offense. And this is where your understanding of God's forgiveness of you helps us begin to understand where does the wealth come from to forgive the debt of someone else. We'll talk about that in a moment. But I love this, Tim Keller said this, the essence of forgiveness is absorbing pain instead of giving it. The essence of forgiveness is absorbing pain instead of giving it. Unforgiveness sounds like this, you owe me. And I'm going to make you pay by hating you, By slandering you, by returning in kind, by recruiting other people to my bitterness, I'm holding this over you. No one would sit there and say, this is what I'm saying. You understand that? This is something that happens in the heart. But every one of us, if we're honest, when we see instances in our lives where we're called on to give and to grant forgiveness, that our initial reaction is to do this, you owe me. And I kind of like that you owe me. And I'm going to make you pay. But here's forgiveness. You don't owe me. I'm not trying to get even. I'm not looking for a chance to pay you back. God didn't make me that way. So I choose to forgive you. And it's summed up best in the verse that I've put in your handout but also up on the notes there. Micah 7, verses 18 through 19. This, my friend, is beautiful. Who is like a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever because he delights in steadfast love. He will again have compassion on us. He will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all your sins into the depths of the sea. Who is like a God like that? I'm not. I'm not like that. But our God is. And I think it can be summed up in four statements. Forgiveness is taking away our sin. This is not on your notes. This is free. Forgiveness is taking away our sin, covering our sin, blotting out our sin, and forgetting our sin. I mean, this is God's forgiveness. We can't quite do that, but God can and God does. So there are two important aspects of forgiveness that I want you to kind of just understand in general ways. First of all, there's the judicial forgiveness, that God as judge must declare you guilty and it brings condemnation to you. This is where justification comes in. Justification is a judicial word. It's one that's used in the court of eternity, God's law. And God pronounces judiciously, pronounces you justified. He pronounces you righteous. He pronounces you forgiven. And so this forgiveness says, on the basis of Christ's death, he bore your punishment and took your condemnation. The price has been accomplished. You are forgiven of your debt. We're declared forgiven. And by grace, we are declared righteous positionally and forever. All sin covered, passed over, blotted out, and cleansed. And Ephesians 1.7 is probably a go-to verse when it comes to this judicial forgiveness. In whom we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins according to the riches of his grace. Do you understand? Here's where we begin to see the bounty that we have in God's forgiveness on us and the bounty of his grace giving to us undeserved people. We don't deserve his forgiveness, we don't deserve his righteousness, but he pours it out on us. according to the riches of his grace. So that's judicious. But just like in our salvation, we are not just justified. We're not just pronounced righteous. We are actually adopted into his family as sons. There is a relational forgiveness that God gives to us. And now we're dealing with God not as judge, but as a what? Father. One that is in heaven. When we sin, something happens in our relationship to God. Our relationship with Him begins to lose its intimacy. Read Psalm 51, 14, where God, where David is affirming God as his salvation. But as you begin to read in verses seven through 12, there's a restoration of the personal relational aspect. Read through that. Drink of that text. But in John 13, our Lord began to wash the feet of the disciples. And in verse eight, Peter says, Lord, you will never wash my feet. Jesus quickly shoots back, Peter, if you want to really know what it is to have fellowship with me, if you want to have fullness of our relationship, you will need a consistent washing of your feet. And Peterson goes overboard and he says, wash me completely then. And Christ lovingly says, he that is washed needs not to wash again, but simply to wash your feet. It's a beautiful thing. In other words, Peter, judiciously, you've taken a bath, you're good. But relationally, you need to get your feet washed on a cleansing daily basis. Isn't that a good kindness of our God? To day in and day out dump his mercies on you. Great is your what? Your faithfulness. So let's talk theologically first. What does forgiving theologically look like? Just how does God see forgiveness? I think Matthew 6 is a great place to land on this. Matthew 6, 14 and 15, he says, if you forgive others their trespasses, Your heavenly father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your father forgive your trespasses. Those are pretty shocking verses. The idea is clearly that before we ever seek forgiveness for our own sin, our own debt, we must forgive those who've sinned against us. Our relationship cannot be right with our God until our relationship with others is right. This is an often unsung tune that's in the Bible. In fact in Matthew 5 verses 23 and 24 he says, And there remember that your brother has something against you. Leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother and then come and offer your gift. In other words, there's a sense to which the grace of forgiveness needs to permeate the atmosphere of your life if you're going to be able to worship God in such a clear way. So there are several reasons we're to forgive one another. And I'd like to list these for you tonight. Forgiveness is foundational to Christ's likeness. Again, in Matthew 5, 44, but I say unto you, love your enemies. Bless them that curse you. Do good to them that hate you. Cancel them which despitefully use you. Send them out your door. Is that what it says? No, pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you. Wow. Christians are those who've overcome the circumstances with love and forgiveness. Stop and think about that for a moment. Some of you have been viciously pounced on, beat up, as it were. Abused, that's the common word that's thrown around out there. We ought to be very careful about how we use that word. Let me just throw that in there for you. When we refuse to forgive, we set ourselves up as a higher judge than God. And that's the point that I think he's getting at. So forgiveness is foundational to Christ's likeness. Christ, when he went to the cross, could have thrown literally the book at them. but he chose to do that because of something that's greater going on. When we begin to understand that God is the final judge, we're not the judge, we can then begin to understand this kind of forgiveness. Secondly, forgiveness follows Christ's example. Ephesians 4.32, this ought to ring in your heart over and over and over, even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven us. Be kind one to another, tenderhearted, Forgiving one another. How? Even as God, for Christ's sake, hath forgiven us. Let me just say, that's impossible to do if you don't have Christ in you. Because it's Christ actually living that forgiveness out through you. So forgiveness follows Christ's example. See, forgiveness expresses man's greatest God-likeness. Men most manifest the majesty of their creator in his very image when they forgive, one biblical counselor says. Proverbs 19, 11, the discretion of a man makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Man, that's not our world today, is it? First of all, discretion. You don't have to even bother to figure out. If it brings you pain, buddy, just let them have it. We don't have to discern anything, but that's not what Proverbs is telling us. The discretion of a man makes one slow to anger. Hang on. There's always something bigger going on here than just what I'm seeing. And it's the glory to overlook an offense. It's the difficult thing to overlook an offense. It is where grace must be pervasive in our hearts to overlook an offense. We actually often want an offense because that will give us an excuse to do what? Sin. And to do our own thing. An unforgiving heart opens the door for the flesh and the root of bitterness that binds the conscience. Hebrews 12, 15, excuse me, 12, 15 is a beautiful text on this little idea of a root of bitterness. Be careful, the writer of Hebrews says, be very careful of how this thing will get in and manifest itself. Those roots will show themselves over time. I don't know if you've ever planted black-eyed Susans Anybody's ever done that other than me? Yep, all right, good, Dick, we're on the same page. Do you know what a black-eyed Susan is? Okay, it's a flower, all right, and you plant those flowers, and the very next season, you go through the whole season, and if you're not watching, guess what happens? Way on the other side of the yard, there's black-eyed Susans that begin to, where you go like, I didn't plant them there. What happened? No, that's the root of bitterness. That's what that is. It's what? The wind carries over there and drops the seed, and all of a sudden you've got those black-eyed Susans being planted over there. And that's often how it happens in our own hearts when something is not dealt with properly. It just sits there and it grows and before long up shoots clear over here that had nothing to do with this, but clear over here, this bitterness and this anger shows itself and this resentment shows itself, which is why it becomes very, very important that we do right over here. And Paul tells us, don't let the sun go down on your wrath. You deal with things right away. So this becomes very, very important. And then, letter D, forgiveness of others delivers us from the chastening hand of God. I'm not gonna spend a long time on this. Just know an unforgiving heart is a sinful heart, and God will go after that sin. In 1 Corinthians 11, these folks were taking the Lord's Supper in a very ungodly fashion. And Scripture says that there was hatred, there was strife, there was bitterness and factions that turned their fellowship times together into something absolutely horrible and vile. And like Paul is going like, what are you doing? The very thing that you are supposedly celebrating is something that is sour now because your own hearts are not forgiving. And because of that, Scripture says that many were weak and sick and some were even dead. under the chastening hand of God. So make sure that you grant this life-giving forgiveness that comes through Christ. So forgiving theologically is something that follows this example of who Christ is and what Christ has done. But let's turn, if you would, to the book of Philemon. Because I want us to see forgiving. Do you know where Philemon is? What's that? It's in the Bible, you're right. Titus, Philemon, what's next? Yeah, so it's kind of this one little pager thing. All right. See, I'm telling you and I can't even do it myself. What's that? I'm sorry, I'm deaf in one ear. 1,000, all right, that's not in my Bible, but. Where is Philemon? Titus, Philemon. All right. That's what I'm going like. I can't find it. So I'm using this Legacy Standard Bible that I got just recently. First of all, I'm loving it, but I can't get the pages. Hang on, hang on. Titus, Philemon. There it is, Philemon. I had a guy who was a disciple and we were reading through Philemon. I'm going like, what? What are you reading? Philemon. I go, oh no, no, no, it's Philemon. It's Philemon. But it looks like Philemon, so I was like, okay, Philemon. Philemon it is. All right, so you know the story behind a man named Philemon lived in Colossae. And he must have been a fairly wealthy man. Some of you know that's where the church met. And they had a slave. And the slave's name was Onesimus. And even though Philemon was a good master, Onesimus wanted his freedom. So one day he ran away, and his master had paid a very high price for him. So this was looked at as fraud. This was a felony criminal thing for which imprisonment, even death, could be the just sentence. It wasn't long, though, that he runs into this guy named Paul. And Paul comes face to face with this man named Onesimus. And Paul, of course, then finds out that Onesimus is a Christian, a brand new Christian, and he's friend with Philemon, that he belongs there, and that he's a runaway. So Paul sends this note And Onesimus back to Philemon and this letter explaining what has happened. And in the letter he's saying, and I want you to forgive this runaway slave, which was culturally way out of the norm, culturally unheard of. And society says don't forgive him. Society says press charges against him, imprison him, which never makes sense to me. If you have someone who owes you something, imprison them. And you're like, okay, wouldn't it be better if you just give him an opportunity to work and pay you off? But that's not what they did. But Paul says just forgive him. Just forgive him. So no matter how much it costs you, forgive him. But notice the character of forgiving people. Look at verse five. There's lots of things that we could say here, but I'm not interested in expositing this whole entire text. But look at verse 4. That's a line of Paul's that you just want to paste to your forehead. He is always thanking God for these people. and in his prayers, because I hear of your love and of your faith which you have towards the Lord Jesus and towards all the saints. So if you stop right there and you know the story, you're kind of going, all right, Paul, you're setting him up, right? You're setting him up. He's not gonna be able to refuse what it is you're saying. But what I want you to see is that these people were people who had faith in the word of God. And the way this verse is worded shows an ongoing faith in the Lord. And Paul knew he could come to Philemon about this because of his ongoing faith in Christ. Stop right there, full stop. Isn't it great to have brothers and sisters in Christ that you can come and deal with very culturally difficult scenarios because you have this bond that's in Christ, you love the word of God, you love this brother or this sister, and you can come and you can deal with culturally difficult scenarios. Why? Because of their faith in Christ. Not because of their great ability to answer all the questions according to what should be written. No, because of their faith in Christ. This is a sweet fellowship of life that the church of all places should exhibit. This is why sin must be dealt with in churches. And gets to be dealt with because we have faith in Christ. And that's the focus. So forgiving people are people of faith. Forgiving people have a love for people. Notice verse five. For all of the saints that are there. And if you could have taken Paul and set him aside and say, Paul, tell me about those saints. I guarantee you he could have named them off. Oh, there's one that does this. And oh, hey, there's one guy. Oh, you should have heard what he was saved from. I mean, he had stories, why? Because he knew them. They have a broad understanding of people and they still love him. Is that the framework of your heart and your life? You have a broad range of people and you still love them. Were you not here this morning and just looked around at the audience this morning and saw a broad range of people that God has brought here? And it should well up within you this deep love for God's people. All the saints, grace-filled people, love people. Doesn't matter what they look like, doesn't matter where they're coming from, doesn't matter what they do or don't do, they love people. Thirdly, forgiving people care about fellowship. And I love this. This gets my juices flowing, this one will. And he says, and I pray, he's like, here I go, I'm coming to the point. And I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective. He needs it, right? Through the full knowledge of every good thing which is in you for the sake of Christ. This is beautiful. This sharing of faith is this sweet fellowship. Philemon's was effective or really powerful is really the word. In other words, forgiving people are not individualists. God-loving people are not individualists and they're not living in an individualistic way. In other words, I is not the big pronoun. Third person pronouns, he is their favorite pronoun, not I. Life is not about me. It's about loving God and loving others. Fellowship is more important than my own feelings, my own happiness, my own job description, and people liking me. It's more important. That we have this common fellowship. That's the kind of people that will be forgiving. And D, forgiving people care about knowing God's ways. And you see this in the end of verse six. That you have full knowledge of every good thing which is in you for the sake of Christ. Every good thing that's in you for the sake of Christ. This is such a wonderful thing. I mentioned this morning, I think it was in my prayer, but C.S. Lewis says we're too easily pleased, meaning that we don't continue pursuing all things that we have in Christ. We look to one thing and then drift back into our own ways of thinking, our own feelings, and so how then do I learn the multifaceted perfections of God? How do I know about the good things that are in me, through Christ in me? Do I read about them in a book? You can possibly, but I would say no. The word for knowledge here is epignosis. It's not just knowing, that's gnosis, but epignosis, deep knowledge, rich knowledge, full knowledge, experiential knowledge. It's the knowledge through personal acquaintance with truth. It's the knowledge that comes through experience. In other words, it's not just a head thing. It's a thing that I take what I know and I put it to practical use and then that practical use in this world that we live in that gets buffed by all kinds of sin and circumstances and ugly people, they come up against me and I can then learn that knowledge of how God even uses sin sinlessly. If I say that once a week, I say it 50,000 times. Why? Because it's so true. We look at what's going on, and we go like, oh, that's sin, oh, that's bad. And it is bad, but we use it as then a tool in order to free myself to give myself to my own feelings, rather than live out the righteousness of Christ. And this is what Paul is saying here. No, you've got full knowledge of this, and you care about God's ways, and when you have experienced God's forgiveness, you know it. Take a breath and understand what it means that you have been forgiven by the one that you've sinned majorly against. So you exercise this gift by coming full knowledge of the one who's forgiven you this way. And then finally, even forgiving people live for things bigger than themselves. And we see this in verse six. For the sake of Christ, there's always something bigger in life than your own hurt. than your own problem. The Christian life, with all of its deeds, with all of its joys, with all of its works, with all of its responsibility, is for the glory of Christ. It's for the sake of Christ. It's for Christ's name. It's for Christ's praise. It's for Christ's glory. And it's for Christ's sake. And frankly, if you're devoted to that, you're going to forgive, right? Because this is what Jesus does. You can't say in one moment, you want to do all for the glory of Christ, but I don't think I'll forgive that problem. And what you have to say here is not that I'm going to forgive you, so Christ, I'm not interested in your glory, I'm interested in my vengeance. And that's what we're saying often. But if you want to honor Christ, then you'll forgive as he forgave, right? And if you want to honor Christ, you'll obey what he has told you to do. Now, what I want you to understand is that forgiving others is a threefold promise. Okay, it's a threefold promise. One, I will not bring up this offense against Again, or use it against you. I will not bring up this offense again or use it against you. This is Psalm 103 12. God removes our sin from us. The only reason to raise the offense with the offenders for the purpose of reconciliation, not for vengeance. It's always interesting to me that we want to bring forgetting, humanly speaking, forgiveness and forgetting. Forgiveness is not forgetting for us. Some ways we can't forget, and the reality is God doesn't forget. God is incapable of forgetting. And so when it comes to this idea, it's I choose not to bring up this offense. It's not that I'm forgetting. I just choose not to bring this offense up. This is what God chooses to take our sin and put it in the depths of the ocean. Secondly, I will not bring it up to others and gossip or malign you because of it. And thirdly, I will not bring it up to myself and dwell on the offense. So I'll not bring it up again to you, I'll not bring it up to others, and I'll not bring it up to myself. Now once again, can you do that? If you've been injured in such a way, can you do that? And what I would say to you is, If Christ doesn't dwell in us, there's no way we can do that. But because Christ is in it, we have his full righteousness and we can certainly do it. We've been given the tools to do that. We've been given the grace to do that. I will not replay that videotape of your sin so that I can savor every detail. We are very good at meditating. And sometimes we play that video reel over and over and over and over and over because we feel a certain empowerment with that. And I just think it's very dangerous for believers to live that way. So forgiving others means that threefold promise. But unpacking forgiveness, my friend Chris Bronze gives four compelling reasons why we mustn't forgive unless the offender repents. This is always a question. Forgiveness requires repentance. So I want to run through these very quickly tonight. This is Chris Braun speaking. He spoke on repentance a couple weeks ago. So if you have a problem with what he says, we can bring him back and you can talk with him face to face about this. One, forgiveness without repentance just isn't biblical. Paul tells us to forgive others just as God in Christ forgave us. And God demands repentance before he pardons. When convicted sinners asked Peter what they must do, he said, repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. There are no finally forgiven people in hell. Think about that. There are no finally forgiven people in hell. There just isn't. the people that are fully forgiven, but repentance is there. Secondly, forgiveness without repentance creates a moral hazard, and I love this. This is so Chris speaking. If I pay the moral debt of an impenitent offender, I fail to hold him accountable. In other words, if I remit back to him, The debt that he owes me, I fail to hold him accountable. I increase the chances he'll strike again. And in some ways, what we would call it in our world today, we call that an enabler. He's learned he can get away with it and may aim for more, and they will, because sin has an internal hunger that always wants more, and it's never satiated. Sin has this internal hunger that always wants more and it's never satiated. And so it will pounce again. Number three, forgiveness without repentance isn't morally serious. It fails to account for the offense that Nicholas Waltersdorf, I would like to have that name. Nicholas Waltersdorf. He writes this, I can be willing to forgive him when he repents. I can have a forgiven disposition toward him, but it appears to me that no longer to hold against someone the wrong that he did to one while believing that he himself continues to stand behind the deed requires not treating the deed or its doer with the moral seriousness required for forgiveness. It's to downplay rather than to forgive. It's dangerously naive to attempt to reconcile bitter parties if the offenders don't own what they've done. And this is why, for instance, the person that is seeking forgiveness must come with true broken humility. It's one who says, I have no play in the game here. I have no word to say. I am fully guilty. I throw myself down at the feet of your mercy. I throw my feet down at the, yeah, you know what I'm talking about. It's dangerously naive to attempt to reconcile bitter parties if the offenders don't own what they've done. It's why it's so important that you understand the gospel in such a way that you can own your sin. If you can own your sin you can seek forgiveness. If you don't own your sin you'll never seek forgiveness. And then forgiveness without repentance easily slides into therapeutic forgiveness. And this is kind of fun to talk about. I remember talking with him specifically about this. But a popular mistaken view assumes the point of forgiveness is my mental health. The point of forgiveness is my mental health. It doesn't matter if she repents for what she did to me. I forgive for my sake to break the chains of her offense and take back control of my life. That sounds wonderful. but it's not what's true, it's not what's real. I forgive her so I can forget her and move on. Survey says, wrong answer. That's therapeutic forgiveness. Because you're not dealing with the sin, you're not dealing with the issue. Forgiveness is excruciating. It can also be confusing, and while there can be this therapeutic benefits to faux forgiveness, forgiving for the sake of these benefits isn't genuine, he says. It's yet another defensive move dressed in its Sunday best aimed at shoving the offender out of the way. And it's demonstrating that the true love ultimately is for me and my own peace without having to deal with what really is true. But true forgiveness, he says, isn't selfish. It aims at reconciliation, seeking what's best for the offending party. Her repentance and the restoration of the relationship, to the degree possible, some consequences may remain. And that really is true. I will say this too. Some theologians notice two steps in forgiveness. The internal heart work and the external shaking of hands. And it suggests the terms forgiveness should be used for both parts. So Tim Keller calls them an inward forgiveness and an outward forgiveness. That's the inward and the outward. And David Polissen says they're attitudinal and transacted forgiveness. One is an attitude of forgiveness and the other one is transactional, where you actually are bringing that forgiveness. So, in the time left, here are four ways to sincerely ask for forgiveness. And I'm writing this down so we can clarify some things. First of all, admit what you did was wrong. Acknowledging you're wrong. Take the fault. This is not a time to blame or to waffle or prevaricate. This is not that time. It could be a quick text you send or something you need to say in person, but it must be genuine and heartfelt. Don't fight for your right to be right all the time. You don't have to be right all the time. In fact, most of the time, we're not. And this is the pot calling the kettle black, all right? Admit what you did was wrong. Secondly, ask them to forgive you. And this is crucial. Look at them in the eye and say, will you forgive me? And this gives them the opportunity to set things right with you. Also, please, you can just do this for me, if nothing else, don't use I'm sorry. You think I hurt you. Be honest and take the hit. Own it, okay? Thirdly, correct what you did wrong, if you can. with follow-up actions. Correct what you did wrong, if you can, with follow-up actions. If more than a word of forgiveness is needed or helpful, offer it to make it right. A comment may be sufficient, but if you can make amends another way, go for it and do the thing. Do something that repays back kindness. You need it for your own heart. And then thirdly, give some space and time. People have to work through things quicker than you possibly can work through things. After asking for forgiveness, allow your loved one time to process your asking. Give them space. Seeking forgiveness is your part, but forgiveness is the other person's part. It's not your job to make people forgive you. It's your job to ask for it when you are in the wrong. So to never learn how to ask for forgiveness is to allow pride to rule your relationships. Can I just tell you that this pride is just deeply ingrained within us? I mean, it's on every level all the time. I've got to protect myself. I've got to look good in this. I've got to be the man or I've got to be the woman. And our world just highlights this all the time. It's about you. It's about your glory. And I will just tell you, it doesn't end well. In the long term, those you love and care We'll end up resenting you for being unable to own your own mistakes. How many grown children have I talked to that have said there's been a father or a mother in their life who never would own their mistakes, their sin? Be that father or be that mother that sees their sin and turns from it. Because if you're not going to see your sin, you're not going to see the sin in your own children. Also, the mistakes we never confess tend to be the ones we keep repeating. So the verse for tonight, and we'll take some Q&A here, Ephesians 4.32, be ye kind one to another. Think of someone right now that you would say, no, that person is a kind person. Who comes to mind? That person is kind. Be kind one to another. Tenderhearted. Can you think of someone in your life right now that is tenderhearted? One of the signs that you'll know that they're tenderhearted is they forgive one another. And they forgive one another just as God, for Christ's sake, has forgiven themselves. tenderhearted, forgiving one another. All right, questions tonight? Yes, Walter. Yeah. Yeah, so his question is a very real question. They've sinned against you, and they haven't really asked you for forgiveness, and they die. What do you do about that? Well, I mean, that's a clearest indication that God's sovereignty and His sovereignty has allowed this to happen. And it really begins to test your own faith that one, had that person come, you would have granted him forgiveness, he didn't. You would have had the attitudinal forgiveness, but you didn't have the handshake of forgiveness. And so, you have to, I would say, those kind of things are much harder than it seems. It seems like a story, but probably, I don't know, there's probably someone in mind, or you've seen it happen, and it's very hard, because you would have liked to have seen that relationship restored. And that relationship hasn't gotten restored. So you have to turn it over to God. I mean, you just have to realize that God has that. That there's not really much you can do about that. You're trusting in God. God will handle that. God sorts this all out at the end. He just does. And we believe this by faith. We're called to live by faith. But that's a very difficult scenario. And it shows the difficulty of the fall and the curse. Like, it's just, that didn't work out right. Part of my frustration all the time is, it didn't work out the way it's supposed to. Cindy and I were talking about it on the way here. There was several situations where it was just like, that didn't work out the way it's supposed to. And you get frustrated with that. And you wish it could be fixed. But it can be. So, good question. Someone else. Yes, Peter. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's really true. Say that again, I'm sorry. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Right, as far as we know, he didn't ask for forgiveness. Yeah, so theologically that was kind of wonky, a little bit wonky, but it does show a heart that really wants God's glory to be seen through that. So yeah, Nancy. or a church where there's a relationship that's been broken and you need to really deal with the sin. But in that context, where it's the shooter, the stranger that was not repentant, I mean, is that where the difference between the internal and the external that you can take that burden off of you and be like, okay, Christ has dealt with this birth that came from this sin, I don't have to, Yeah. Yeah, I think you can, but you gotta understand that's not perfect in the world of God. So in other words, there is that part that's still strained, that transactional forgiveness is you've done your part, you're willing to do this, and you even voiced it, which you certainly can, but the reality is he hasn't sought it. There's no reconciliation in that. Yeah, but having knowing both both parts like this this is why it's very very important that we as Christians have nothing else we own our sin and We can seek and grant forgiveness. We can ask for it. Will you forgive me? And what that does is that lets that other person off the hook. They don't have to hold on to this mess of sin. And that's a beautiful picture, but we live in a fallen world. The world is broken on every level. And some of that just doesn't ever happen. So you do what you can do. And I think that woman was doing what she could do, which in our world, quite frankly, Unknown. That kind of forgiveness or that kind of forgiveness is unknown. Yeah, Chaz. No, they're on with it, man. Let's get it done. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Good. Yes, sir. Shame on you. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, there is some merit to that. And you're not refusing based on your love. You're refusing based on, alright, let me help you and hold you accountable here for this thing. Yes, you could show great portions of grace and mercy and say, no, here, here's $500. You could do that. But I think it also is helping you take a step further to say, all right, let's not let this happen again. Because what you did is you took something that you borrowed. Then you blew it on something that demonstrates you you don't have good self-control here So let me help you with this. So you go past This one thing and deal with the substance of what's going on in your life That you would need that $500 to go blow it on booze. You know what I'm saying you there is something going on there That isn't right. So I'm gonna go past that that deal that we did and I want to love you and I want to care for you so let me walk with you and let's let's figure this out because there's something going on in your life that would cause you to do that. And I want to help you grow in that. So I'm not going to do that right now, but I am going to meet with you and have coffee and we're going to talk. Yeah, there is something to that. But I think those kind of circumstances that God and people that God brings in our lives are opportunities for genuine discipleship. Care for their souls and reach down and speak to them the gospel into their own hearts. Now, you know, if that happens again and again, then we've got, are you even born again? Let's talk about that. But that's, yeah, there is truth to that. And that's why we can't forget, but we want to then try to repair that broken relationship through Christ-like humility and love, not keeping the proud heart there, the hardened heart. Yes, Hannah? Sort of back up again, so if we go to someone who's wronged us, I'm not wanting to be your victim, but can you go with an attitude, I guess, based on forgiveness, and say, like, it just happened, but I want to forgive you, and if that comes up, that you're ready to ask me, or is that like, I forgive you in my heart, but... So yeah, that's the passage that if you know that someone has ought against you and you go to them before you go into worship, you understand that there's a true sense there. Anybody that sins towards you, we ought to have the heart of God's grace and mercy because we know what sin that we're dealing with. We know our tendencies in those scenarios and so when someone you can come and say here, you know, I saw this I noticed this your response to me was It was just really painful, and I need to let you know that, that this happened this way. And I need to see if we can get this right between us. And there's a heart of grace, there's a heart of mercy, because you know that this really could be you on the other side of the couch, as it were. That they're talking to you about something that you could have done. And so you talk very tenderly and with the desire to get things correct and the desire to get it right. So you don't come with a chip on your shoulder and go, yeah, you hurt me. That's not the point. The point is not that you hurt me. The point is there's this sin here and we need to help get that sin taken care of because it will destroy relationships. Very, very important though. Yeah, Jason. A big debate on Twitter right now is about Steve Lawson's lack of transparency, knowing that he's hurt many people's hearts, and he's deleted his Twitter account. He's almost like vanished. OK, do we assume he's continuing on his relationship with his 20-year-old that's been revealed, or is he really repentant and is going to own this? And I guess for us to forget him, in a sense, he'll feel like, We've been wrong the last five years on the preaching stuff that, you know. I don't know. It's interesting to see the debate because there's some saying, no, he doesn't need to do that. And others saying, no, he's holding a mission. He really should come forward. Do you ever tell everybody, I'm a good minister. You're my good and the best and you're saying, I know you can't get back to my ministry again. However, I do want to be reconciled to the greater Yeah? So, several things. First of all, time isn't done yet. He's still alive, we're still alive. You know, God can work wonderful things. Secondly, we don't know the whole story. Most of the stuff that's floating out there is half-cocked. We really don't know the whole story. Even what I know, coming from reasonably good context, they will all say, That's all we know. They don't know the whole story. God does, and certainly Steve does. So this is where we have to understand the justice of God. God's full justice is what we talked about even this morning, that someday God's full justice will rule and reign in this world. It's not happening right now, although it is, because God is the eternal God, alright? But we live in the here and now, and in our world, things are still pretty messed up. And I am really frustrated at these Christians who keep batting this thing around. It's really none of our business at this point. It's just not. We don't know. We weren't there. All we're hearing is rumor. We don't know. Should he? Yeah, in a perfect world, that's exactly what he should do. I don't know what God's doing in him, but I do know this. God is God. and he is not going to turn his back or his heart away from truly his servant. I think he is his servant, all right? And in time, I think maybe we'll see something like that. I would love to see something like that. It would certainly solve a lot of problems that we all face, the guys that sat under him and really wanted to learn from him. But it also shows what kind of world we really live in. It's a messed up world. And we're messed up. But for the grace of God, that's me or you, or any of us. And we're messed up, okay? So let's live in God's grace and mercy day in and day out. And let's seek to proclaim His glory in our hearts and our homes every day of our life. And let's, if you have to block Twitter, go ahead and block it. Because I'm really frustrated at these guys. Keep bringing it up, and I'm just going like, stop it. Just stop it. If you don't stop it, I'm going to bury you up in the mud. But I guess the point, though, is we don't need a forgiven, right? And that until we see something, it's kind of the same thing with an elder. It gets caught up in something, or he needs to step out and mention it, but really doesn't have a tattoo confessing to us. And then you find out later on, yeah, he's just, that's where he's at and will not But aren't we ready to forgive him? Man, I'm ready. I am ready, ready, let's do it. Yeah. But I can have the attitude of forgiveness towards him. Yeah. I can't restore my relationship. Trust me. I've had dreams where I've seen him again and I want to talk to him. Let him call me Ed if he wants to. He called me Ed in classes because my Instagram account is Ed Seip. That's my middle initial and I use Ed Seip all the time. So he called me Ed. You go, is that right, Ed? And these guys were just cracking up laughing because we're going like, it's not Ed. And he knows it's not Ed. But I don't know, he slipped a cock there or something. So I don't know. But all I'm saying is we have one Redeemer. We have one Redeemer, Jesus Christ, the righteous. Let not your heart be troubled. You believe in God. Okay, let's be all more for our Savior, Lord and King. Okay? Stand with me, let's pray together. I love these sessions. These are my go-to sessions. I love these things. Thank you for coming out tonight, and thank you for watching. Did you close it up already? They're still there? All right, good, let's pray. Father, thank you for your love. Thank you for your forgiveness. Thank you for your word. Lord, I pray that this word would not return void, but that we would be able to put this to practice. This is not our ideas. These are not our concoctions, things of our own imagination. This is your divine truth that you give to us. And Father, we still mess it up. And I pray that you would be patient with us, continue to grant us your forgiveness, your grace and mercy. But Father, let what we do know rule and reign in our hearts, regardless of how we feel, regardless of what we think, and regardless of the circumstances that you and your divine providence put us in for our good and your glory. Lord, let us believe that and trust in that. And we pray and ask these things all because of Jesus. Amen.